Hmmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
HUBBYS HORRIBLE ATTITUDE TO MUM IN LAW
He travelled and he didn't go see my mum even after knowing she'd been in and out of hospital.
So this year,I made up my mind to stop calling his own mom. And truthfully I've not call her since this year.
In may my mom was addmitted in the hospital. I heard when I was speaking with my sis about it and asked me what happened. I told him my mom was rushed to the hospital and she was admitted. That was it he never asked me about her again. Wether she's fine or not,wether she's discharged or not. He didn't ask. I kept quiet. As sickness is not only for my mom,his mom fell sick too.
Infact she's been sick since June. Her children are taking her to hospital and all. Me too I didn't ask and I didn't call. Normally if his mom or siblings are not feeling well,he will tell me to call the person but now he doesn't know how to tell me again and he knows I've not and will not call.
Last night he called her and was asking how she was feeling and they talked for some time. When he finished he was now telling the kids that ah do you who was talking to on phone,it is my mother o. She's not feeling well.i was busy pressing my phone.
You can't treat my mom like a trash and expect me to treat yours like gold NEVER!!
Sometimes my mind will tell me to call her. I know I wasn't raised like this but this marriage has made me like this and I don't care.
Bvs how do you see my decision.
I support you please....Two can play the game!
This is what marriages have degenerated into.Selfishness and do me I do you.The major problem with marriages these days is that everyone is looking out only for themselves and not for the union.
ReplyDeleteIf you wish to get divorced, continue on this path... You should have a deep talk with your husband about what your Mum did or supposedly did to offend him. Marriage is not for children, act as the peacemaker.
DeletePoster, did his mom offend you? NO
DeleteYou are wrong and you know it that is why your conscience is kicking you..
If your mom inlaw dies tomorrow, how would you attend the burial knowing that you were not kind to her while alive.
Let us be a practicing Christians. You can't follow your husband into fire because he walked in.
For you to send a chronicle, you are obviously not happy about it
DeleteWhy don’t you sit and talk about it, like why is he keeping malice with her because from the look of things she doesn’t even know he is angry with her.
Who keeps malice with someone who isn’t even aware
Your hubby is very petty
You both need to sit and discuss this, marriage is not a game
Push up (original)
Thank you @15:55 though the man is not behaving as he ought have done from the beginning by telling his wife the reason for his angst.
DeleteOn the other hand, some wives are known to trivialise their husbands' off the cuff as it happens complaints with "so na dis small tin dey make you vex?"
Thank you @15:55 though the man is not behaving as he ought have done from the beginning by telling his wife the reason for his angst.
DeleteOn the other hand, some wives are known to trivialise their husbands' off the cuff as it happens complaints with "so na dis small tin dey make you vex?"
Thanks for this, I can’t imagine not calling my mum in-law just because my husband did the same to mine. You decided to follow your husband footsteps even when his mum has not wronged you. You better reason this your attitude.
DeleteAs usual, the yeye comments have trooped in. Why should I treat ur mother better than u treat mine? If you don’t see how wrong that man is and how correct this woman is, you are just an enabler of bad attitude. I really need to stop coming to the comment section of chronicles because, what is this?
DeletePoster, don't mind the fake peace makers. Do not call her since he's not man enough to inform you about his mother.
DeleteIf your mother offended him, what stops him from telling you about it. Keep the same energy with him the same way he treated your mother.
Mind you that once you make that move by calling his mother he will continue to disrespect your mother.
Don't call anyone, stay on your lane. Take care of your own mother....
POSTER but your mil did not offend you, marriage is not a two can play union. call your mil and find out how she is doing, your husband is being childish but you have to be the bigger person and call him to his senses and find out the bad blood between them. i know it is difficult but for your good self, you are not a bad person that is why you are bothered, please and please reach out to her now that she is still alive
DeleteDearest Chronicle poster,
ReplyDeletePlease never pay evil with evil. Show love to her mom and his family irrespective of how he feels towards your family.
Also, try to limit what you say to your husband concerning your family to avoid see finish.
He might be 💨 away from bills, but you need to create a lovely atmosphere by involving God in your home cos I see no love in your home.
Pray and share the word of God before going to bed.
DOZZYBEST 🇳🇬
You hit it rightly Anonymous 4 August 2023 at 15:06.
Deletekeep doing good. This is a family thing. If it has been a distant relation, I will likewise give you my support.
Very soon, God almighty will pay you for your righteous decision.
@KSB TRUTH
You could have serious conversation with him he your husband
DeleteLike me sometimes I will ask my husband when was the last time you spoke with my mom
DeleteHis response will be it been long or I called her last week
That is how it supposed to be he will ask me too when last did I call his mom I will tell him today for I spoke with her last week or last two weeks
Lizzy baby
I definitely support your decision but you did not tell us why your hubby decided to keep malice with your mum. Did it just happen? Did they quarrel? We need to know to understand from your hubby’s side.
ReplyDeleteMy elder brother give him some money and told him to invest in his business and will collect when he needs the money because he was always running to him to borrow money. So he said he has this money hes using now and he gave to my hubby. When he needed the money hubby refuse to give back it was like he did bad by giving him the money. So my bro told my mum about it. My mum now called him that she doesn't want money to bring problem for them that he should give my bro back his money. He became angry that my mum talk to him rudely.
DeleteThen he is not a good person. Report him to his family and see their reaction.
DeleteOh! He's also a chronic debtor with rude character. Someone helped you and you reward them with ingratitude.
DeletePoster, dont call his mother because the disrespect will continue towards your mother.
Mtcheeew..
DeleteYou married a very shameless man..
See how he belittled himself to his in-laws going to beg like a bambiala then going ahead to bring shame and embarrassment to you by refusing to pay back..
He even had the guts to still be forming that he's angry..
God forbid nonsense..
Me was even thinking your mom was the one that instigated the whole thing cos I have a friend that from when he showed interest on getting married to his wife, her parents, especially her dad tried to frustrate him, they came up with a bogus list and all, Baba close eye pay, after wedding them won still dey do like werey, na so him block them.. but in this your own case, sorry oh, na manipulator you marry so
So many baby men are called husband's today. Some men are just toxic.. you can talk to him about the matter but if you know it wouldn't yield results just leave him alone and face front.
DeleteThe marriage is headed for destruction. Both of you should stop this nonsense.
ReplyDeleteExactly! Instead of addressing the problem like two grown people, they’re doing do me I do you. It doesn’t bode well for their relationship
DeleteAn eye for an eye kinda scenario I guess
ReplyDeleteYou two should keep it up
Did you even ask your husband what the problem was?
She knows. When Chronicles are written like this, they are for support on what the Poster knows is wrong, is eating up the Poster, but the Poster wants to continue.
DeleteHow difficult is it to ask a wife or a husband what MIL did?
Has the Mom been good to you? If yes, then she doesn't deserve such treatment from you because of her son who refuses to grow up and handle issues the way a grown man should.
ReplyDeleteWhy do men find it hard to apologise after knowing they messed up? Instead they start trying to guilt trip you and expect you to get it.
Póster abeg reach out. Don't let the man turn you into what you're not. His conscience is already dealing with him.
It is the two of them who has refused to grow up.
DeleteThe reason why childish and petty men have no business getting married
DeleteYou are correct.. very childish attitude the man is displaying with his entitled mentality
DeleteOnce a man misbehaves, there's this overt and bold generalization of "men". In case those of you who make such comments don't know, it hurts. Reduce this gender stereotypes, please
DeletePoster you did not share what made your husband to stop talking to your mom. Probably you don't want to share. You didn't also indicate if you and your husband discussed about the sudden change of behaviour towards your mum. I am not in anyway supporting your husband even when she had health challenges.
ReplyDeleteI really don't enjoy being vindictive about things like this. It's your marriage; you guys should communicate and bring about a resolution towards it. Since what he did hurts you why not approach him and thrash it out rather than acting like college roommates.
All the best
Read through the comments. Poster has explained.
Delete“Do me, I do you “ is something I don’t know how to do in any relationship,it is stressful,emotionally draining and exhausting. How do you two laugh, play, Pray and have sex together when you have all the pain and anger in your heart? Talk to your husband in his happy mood, ask him what is wrong and why he doesn’t talk to your mum. If he doesn’t listen, wait till you’re about to sleep then ask. How long is that Cold War going to last? Forever? You and your husband should make peace now with all your parents because life is too short.
ReplyDelete“Do me, I do you “ is something I don’t know how to do in any relationship,it is stressful,emotionally draining and exhausting."
DeleteAnd it is clearly draining the Poster. Hence this chronicle for rallying support.
That you are writing and seeking for advice shows that you are not at peace with your action.This is a marriage and not a competition for selfishness.Remember that the kids are watching and will learn accordingly. Start the healing process by reestablishing contact with his mum. He will come around eventually.
ReplyDeleteThank you. Though the Man is being drained too, she should first talk the matter over with her husband. If they have done so before, she should try thrice again.
DeleteI am just wondering...what could have caused your husband to keep malice with your mom for three whole years....You did not tell us?
ReplyDeletePoster start from here, why has your husband not called your mum in years? You didn't say.
DeleteYou know ehn...if my husband keeps malice with my mum, I won't blame him because she hasn't really behaved well to him in the past, however, I encourage him to call her but don't get too close and familiar to avoid friction. Poster, talk things out with him and call his mother, this isn't maturity, besides, you've made you point, he won't do this again.
DeleteLook up for her explanation...
DeleteGo for therapy.
ReplyDeleteAn eye for an eye leaves both people blind .
ReplyDeleteMarriage is meant to be between two imperfect people who are willing to FOREVER Love and also forgive each other..
ReplyDeleteLittle cracks like this are just what the devil needs to penetrate;so if you are willing to let go of this marriage;don’t forgive him..
But if you have delivered your message to him,realise that both of you aren’t perfect and now willing to amend this sinking ship;then let go..
You and your husband are extensions of yourself and an adage says “you don’t kill whom you are still going to mourn”..
You can play this game with a friend,colleague,acquaintance or soo to get your pound of flesh;but to your husband or wife? Doesn’t make sense cos it means there is no true love between you both;just Eye service and benefits from each other..
Both of you must not call or even like your Inlaw’s,but respect and care to them at critical times shows you are human with emotions..
Ire ooo..
@MARTINS
This is not looking good at all! Did you find out why he stopped caring about your mum? If both of you continue like this, it may lead to something else that won't make your home sweet as it should be. Talk about it, please with him before sticking to your resolve.
ReplyDeleteScroll up. Poster has responded
DeleteDear poster, you're a kind person. Don't let someone take away the true you. Call your mum inlaw. Remember the Bible says" Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good"
ReplyDelete👏👏👍👍👍this! @annon 15:44
DeleteWetin your mama do him?
ReplyDeleteLet's start from there.
Exactly. That's the first question to ask before we go know how them go settle the matter
DeleteHow did you and your hubby get to this point to the extent of him avoiding your mum's calls?this is wrong.there is communication gap in your home and if allowed for too long, the foundation of your marriage might shake so drastically that it's may suffer some hiccups.pls I beg you, you and hubby needs to discuss and resolve issues.you must learn to forgive one another.Whatever might have happened that made him stopped picking your mumsy's call, should be resolved.
ReplyDeleteMarriage is not easy, you need wisdom and the help of God to succeed especially while dealing with in-laws.goodluck dear.
Thank you Stella for posting. I'm the poster. Reading some comments and I'm feeling somehow. Truly the mother hasn't done anything to me but her son brought out the beast in me.
ReplyDeleteMake sure you ignore all the sensible advice here.
DeleteFollow Eka Joy and her crew and break your home... It should be a few years down the line if your follow their "sound" counsel.
When everything has finished spoiling, send another Chronicle, I'm sure they'll have more "sound" advice to give you.
All this evil men they abound everywhere. That’s how mine started keeping malice with mine too. I also boned him like mad his brain reset sharply
ReplyDeleteBecause maybe he was at fault or not serious. that is why Poster is being asked what caused the disaffection.
DeleteExactly, this kind of behavior after 3 years calls for extreme measures. Watch how his brain will reset now after this action.
DeleteThen address it with him instead of taking a similar action. He and your mom don’t have to be best friends, they just have to be cordial. Same goes for you and his mom.
DeleteFirst, you somehow avoided telling us what caused the malice between him and your mom..
ReplyDeleteDid your mom do something hurtful to him? Belittle him? Gave you a bad advice that he learnt of? Etc etc
This thing also happen between siblings, some siblings are not on talking term because of a very hurtful thing one did to the other, and yet, I don't blame them..
You mustn't be close to someone who is wicked to you just because he/she is family..
Like I always say, I protect my mental health first before anything..
However, being sick up to being admitted is where I draw the line, there are rules of engagement even in war,.
So far you're family, even though you didn't reach out to me when I was admitted and hospitalised, if I hear that you're in hospital, I'll reach out/or assist the best way I can..
After that, I'll face front again and mind my business..
The idea is that, yes I don't like you, I don't want to be friends with you but I'm not evil so I don't wish you death..
Even if your mom did hurtful things to him, he could have reached out to her when she was hospitalised or if he is still too irritated to talk to her, he can give you some money to send as support on his behalf..
Dante, you struck home run with your last paragraph. That would have shown he is angry with her conduct, but does not hate her as a person and his MIL.
DeleteI'm not in support of your decision o. If my husband stops calling my mum today, it'll not make me stop calling his mum because she's such a sweet soul. I don't have to make her pay for what she didn't do. If the mum is a good woman, I don't think it's right to just cut her off like that, she wasn't the one that offended you. It was her son. Try to make him make peace with your mum but the question is, what happened between them that made him start keeping malice with her for 3 years. Let's start from there first
ReplyDeleteBut did you ask him why he behaved like that to your mom? this his character is somehow o.No matter what your mom did. Its not like he will be calling her everyday. He should show respect.
ReplyDeleteAbeg Poster continue ignoring his mom o.
Shame no go let am complain cos he already knows what the reply will be.
My two brother inlaws don't call my mom like that, but they call occasionally, its my mom that sometimes call them on her own.
And I know one of them tries to avoid my mom cos he feels my mom wants to give him controlling advice, like he doesn't use his head sometimes when it comes to finance and my mom is always cautioning him, he spends anyhow and he needs to be reminded often to stay in order, as his parents won't caution him only his wife or my mom talks to him and so he tries to avoid, but when he saw my mom won't bulge he always takes her call, any time and he will be making faces.
And my mom is not the type to relent cos when wahala comes she will always know and she prays for everybody and she will be like I can't be praying for you while you are living anyhow life. We have told her not to meddle too much, but she looses it sometimes.
So I can understand that there are certain things that can make your husband not to take your moms call, only that he might have taken it too far. Too far for his own good maybe
You should have called your husband to attention the moment you saw he was keeping malice. Letting things fester is the worst approach, because it builds resentment, anger, and hate. Now you have fallen to his level, we should never fall to any low character behaviour no matter what.
ReplyDeleteTake this matter up today. Put it off no longer. Cleaning this old rotten sore will not be pretty but it will give the best chance of healing it , address it before gangrene sets into your marriage.
Honestly, this kind of thing is always painful. I experienced it. My hubby doesn't call my siblings as (papa and mama no dey again). I complained to him that it was BAD, thank God he's changed a little but i'm managing it like that.
ReplyDeletePoster, when he's happy, ask him to tell you what your mum did to him, apologize on her behalf. Pray for him too.
Mao Akuh
I have to support you because some people don’t learn unless the thing is done to them
ReplyDeleteBold of all of u to assume she has not addressed this severally with her husband. For him not to be able to pick offense with her for not calling his own mum clearly shows he is the problem and not the poster.
ReplyDeleteWatch how her husband will finally change now that she had paid him back in his own coins. You cannot be mean to my mother and expect me to treat ur own mother like she’s a queen. I am a believer of returning the same energy especially when all else has failed.
Poster, you have now paid him back. Now have a sit down with him and ask him how he felt when you didn’t call his mum when she was sick and the relate it to how you have been feeling for the past 3 years. Do not let all these comments get to u. They may be Mary, mother of Jesus but not all of us are Mary. Some of us take the extra measures to effect a change.
Thank you
DeleteEka ijiya
DeleteEka, dont mind them with their hypocrisy. Most of them will do worst but here giving advice they won't keep.
DeletePoster, until he's ready to make amends and discuss this issues with you, dont bother your head. Stop enabling his attitude.
Imagine three years of keeping malice with her but just few days of yours, heaven wants to fall...
This seems to be the norm for some men now , my husband stopped caring and calling my mum and I did same too after pleading with him for long. My mum has passed and he's coming to shed crocodile tears.
ReplyDeleteI have made arrangements to settle whatever bill that is due him because I won't be available financially in the case his mom passes...
I really don’t know why men do this. We are expected to treat their mothers as our mothers as good daughter in law but they find it difficult to reciprocate. I always have to remind my husband to call my parents. The only difference is that he will apologize and quickly call when I remind him but when I don’t he can stay as long as he wants without calling. Yet I talk to his mum at least twice a week. If I change now, dear bvs will blame me and accuse my mother of having wronged my husband.
DeleteMen, men, men.
DeleteIsn't not some some men as it is with some women? They all excuse the behaviour with the excuse of avoiding see finish. That is the standard alibi for aloofness to in-laws generally, and even by some Bvs here.
Being a man is a serious disadvantage these days. Look at the generalizations. "Men", "men", "men. Should we all change our gender to women to avoid these gender bashing?
DeleteGbamsolutely 👍
DeleteSo if you and your husband doesn't call each other's respective mothers, how do you want your children to accept their family ,what happened that he can't call your mum even if not all the time at least occasionally,like your mum was sick your husband can't call her to me o it's wickedness,somebody that gave birth to you it's somehow , call his mum this shows that you don't have that type of mind and your can't harbor such wickedness.
ReplyDeletePls you guys should mens fences it's not good ,how were you even raising children in this environment when the mum can't even greet their grandma from your phone ,the same with your husband it's not good please.
We should have each other's back ,even if the world is crumbling the simplest unit which is family should have each other's back . Let peace reign
I think you should call his mum, ignore what he did, though I can't stand anybody disrespecting my mum, his mum didn't offend you, God forbids if anything happens, you won't forgive yourself, what transpired between your mum and your husband??? Why not check how his mum is doing, when she gets better, you can tell her your husband is keeping malice with your mum and see her reaction. As a Christian, don't repay evil with evil.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, should you not be keeping malice with your husband for not talking to your mum instead? He is the one not acting right and not his mum.
ReplyDeleteBelieve me, you will be full of regret if anything happens to that woman and your conscience knows that she did nothing to you and you did not show her kindness during her last days on earth.
Another thing to remember, your kids are watching.
My advice to you is this:
Please call his mum and ask how she is doing and apologise for not calling for a while.
Speak with him and tell him that you decided to join his bandwagon but after a period of serious thinking, you decided that you are no longer going to descend to this low level with him, that you are going to be the bigger person by calling and speaking to his mum.
Tell him, that you will never forgive him if anything happens to your mum tomorrow and he did not have a change of heart and to drop this nonsense.
Give him another ultimatum, I don’t know, you know your marriage better.
Then on your mother’s side, what was it that she did? Who is in the wrong here? Was it your mum? If yes, you’d need to speak with her too and tell her not to do whatever it is again, unless she wants to break your marriage. If it was your husband’s fault, tell his as well not to do it. Sha make the both of them understand their faults, forgive each other and move on. They should stop wasting precious moments, we only live this life once.
I hope this helps.
You are right on track.
ReplyDeleteYes, the mother didn't offend you but both party should treat each other with respect. Imagine your wife's mother calling and you won't pick her call. What an insult? That is lack of respect and uttermost disregard.
ReplyDeletePoster, an eye for an eye will make everyone blind but to be honest just call the mother.
You need to talk to your husband. Talk to him.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
Poster, why don't you free your mind by doing what you think is right .
ReplyDeleteYou haboue this kind of grudge and you pray everyday?
My advice...
Pick up your phone and call her . Let shame catch the devil.
Poster call your mum in-law and your name will not change. You didn’t tell us if you have discussed this with your husband and he still refused to call your mum. I guess marriage is all about communicating your worries or fears with each other, it doesn’t matter who brings up the issue first but what matters is getting a solution.
ReplyDeleteYour husband doesn’t call your mum and you as his wife didn’t dime it fit to speak to him about it but you are also doing same thing to his mother. Remember both parents don’t a long time to live on earth, will your conscience not judge you if she drop dead. You both should resolve this issue of not calling your mother in law and face front.
Let me not lie, if I were in your, shoes, I wouldn't have called his mother too, I will pay him back in his own coin, No matter what your mum did to him, if he had empathy, he would have called to check on her. He's a wicked man to me.
ReplyDeletePoster, Show him that your mum is also important to you, next time, I swear, he won't repeat that nonsense.
You have explained that it is about money. From my knowledge about debtors, your husband is not behaving well. Debtors quickly pick offence over words of demand for repayment. Some even ask goading rhetorical questions to provoke words of anger by creditor.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I will delete a debtor's telephone number today to avoid calling him again as my last simple message to him was not replied to.
Back to you, for the sake of your marriage, your children, and your conscience, call your MIL. If she ask why the late call, deflect it and let her speak with her grand children.
If you start calling your MIL and your husband doesn't change, just have a polite word with him and leave him to his conscience.
I know a man whose landlady was very good. But her children arrogance kept him away from her on her last days. He still regrets the action till date as she may have gone wondering why the man stayed away.
Best wishes.
Mr. Mann
Please sister for the sake of your emotion and your children , call your mother in law, don't mind your husband 's attitude remember "an eye for an eye 👁️👀 makes the whole world blind"
ReplyDeleteNa wa o. Why must this poster call his mum?
ReplyDeleteIs she the only one to ensure peace reigns in her home?
I will treat you exact way you treat me so you’ll know what it feels like.
Poster, do not call his mum.
Sluttychic.
They are always about love and light here even when it enables bad character
DeleteHe claims an aggro with her mother that she spoke rudely to him, which may be true or untrue. Though it is true he was then owing his brother-in-law.
DeleteBut she doesn't have any aggro with his mother.
It does not appear the advice to her is based only on need for hear to seek matrimonial peace. What about her conscience.
Na wa ooo must we all have the same opinion? Drop your advice let other people say their piece too!
DeleteI see comments women make and you wonder how you want keep your homes.. for the ones still marry, the man just dey manage unaa.. that's the truth..
ReplyDeleteIf we check well now, we will find out that your mum na serious problem.
Your husband no want trouble so he stay his own.. you are enough trouble not to talk of your mother.
Dey fool yourself say you dey do your husband.
Las las you go chop breakfast
See this one
DeleteIs it only the woman's duty to keep the home, horseband be behaving like a baby and you are talking about keeping the homes.
We too are still managing you men cos of what we are getting from you guys. If we get better alternative like better finance or whatever is keeping each of us, we will serve y'all breakfast.
What are you saying @ crazy me? Scroll up & see poster's response on husband owing her brother & refused to pay. If her mum told him to pay, is it a bad thing. But na Babangida he be, refused to pay & keeping malice with woman old enough to be his mother even while she's sick. We were told growing up to squash any form of quarrel in periods of child birth, death or sickness. The husband is the trouble maker here. Pls poster just for Jesus sake, call your mother in law & greet her. Afterwards, face your side ehn...
DeleteI'm really surprised at some people's comments here. Why does she have to be the only to put in an effort to keep the marriage? So the fear of losing her marriage should make a accept anything. Even after the poster explained what happened, some people are blaming her. If she was your sister and someone was treating your mother this way would you give the same advice? Only a wicked person will refuse to pay back a loan and still be forming anger! So even when her mum was sick he couldn't call abi? For what stupid reason! And now she has to call his mum to keep her marriage. If she wants to call her MIL, she should after careful reflection but she should not be guilt-tripped. Her husband is wrong! That's why he can't even tell her to call his mum. Please let us stop this mentality of the woman must keep the home. Is the man a child? It should be a collective effort. That's why there are a lot of irresponsible men out there.
ReplyDelete