Its about the way others treat them before, during and after the divorce or separation has occurred...
''I am going through a divorce. I find that the attitude of women towards me is to kind of be protective of their men when I come around them; even though I have no intention to talk to them.
''I am going through a divorce. I find that the attitude of women towards me is to kind of be protective of their men when I come around them; even though I have no intention to talk to them.
It is so isolating because other women who are single are trying to find a man, and I am not at that stage. Married women are apprehensive that I might be interested in their men or vice versa. Single men think i must be s#x-starved and try to move on me.
Please can other divorcees or those going through separation share their experience?''
Please can other divorcees or those going through separation share their experience?''
Lets gist!
We live in a society filled with lots of hypocrites.The society, especially women wants you to conform with certain ways,judge you for whatsoever and won't mind rubbing some of their silly actions on you.
ReplyDeleteOver the years,I have learnt to be and do me,If you don't get marry on time as a woman,it's still this same gender that will taunt you.
If you marry and give birth to only girls,they will still talk
You become a widow at a young age...it's an abomination
A divorcee,you get the label of being a failure.
You married a poor man and he never blow for once...you carry badluck.
Self respect,high self esteem and being responsible is important to have as a divorcee,don't let anyone rubbish you.Stay where you are loved and respected,refuse to accept insult from anyone who thinks you have failed because you're divorced.
If attending some occassions, interacting with some people,will make you feel less of yourself, decline it.
You will be fine.🤗🤗🤗
@ your last statement las las
Delete👍👍❤️❤️
DeleteIt’s not only females that judge and stigmatize divorces in Nigeria, both male and female judge and condemn divorcees so please get your facts right. That’s why I love the western world, their IQ is so high and been divorced and separated is nothing to them, as long as you’re alive and happy that’s all that matters. Africans need to grow up and be civilized. Thank God for globalization and japa. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
DeleteIf that's what you call civilisation then your thinking must be clearly warped from living only on social media. FAMILIES ARE THE FOUNDATION OF ANY SOCIETY. The Whites, especially Americans Have completely failed in that regard and it's evident in their current society. The most stable countries are those that still have during family values and units.
DeleteSee them, the #Woke2ignorance
If you’re divorced or a widow, please channel your energy into making money and no one will look down on you. I have a cousin that became a widow at 34, she’s so wealthy now that I’m happy for her. How will I look down on someone richer than me. People only look down on you if you’re poor. Wicked people thought
ReplyDeleteFan Emmanuel
Yes ooo when you make your money the respect will be times 100
DeleteExactly
DeleteSuccess is the best revenge
My friend is so successful even her ex husband doesn’t use her to play
He affords the best for his kids and tries to meet up to her standards when providing for them.
In this life, money is good
Push up (original)
Ladies beware of vulture men and low IQ women always
DeleteSome women treat their divorced friends as a failure,they don't want to identify with.sometimes it's not even because of their husbands but they just want to show that you're not on the same level again.
ReplyDeleteI will advice you stick with those that genuinely love you,stay where you are loved,respected and only accept positive vibes
Don't let anyone make you feel less because you lost a marriage,as for the young men asking for sex,i think you should be firm with them,no unnecessary talk and if they are sending the sex vibe cut off.
Be responsible,raise your head up high and be happy!
All will be well!
Yes oo that's the koko
DeleteGod bless you Miriam
DeleteCurrently separated for a year and there is no hope of reconciliation. I am in a different state with my children and have immersed myself in my work. All that is in my head is to excel in my career and give my children the best. I carry myself well at my workplace and anywhere else as people don't know if I am divorced or not but they know I am married. I shy away from social outings and deliberately stay away from married men. It hasn't been easy as I know I am worth more than I was made to experience,and I know I will remarry soon but I am careful not to attract the same type of men again. Only my dear of God has made me not indulge in extra marital activities even as the x is busy killing himself with women but I know God has better for me.
ReplyDeleteAmen! @ God has a better plan for you. May He come through for you
DeleteThank God for your mindset, with God non of us is a failure, he will meet you at the point of your needs and give you beauty for ashes, Joy and laughter instead of mourning.
DeleteAll the days of your life you will enjoy peace and fulfilment in Jesus name ❤️❤️
Amen!! Thanks so much Slim shaddy and Foodie🥰God bless u
DeleteAnd you know your "x is killing himself with women" are you stalking/monitoring him? You mentioned that you live in a different state, so how do you know all these? Informants?
DeleteAnon 18:01 it is not your business how I know because he does it,go to court on his behalf. I lived with him and I know him.
Delete@14:53 If you are Shola wife, he doesn’t care and I’m happy you took that route…. Sha don’t do married men. Regards to your Mum
DeleteThe irony of it is that the people you recent because you fear that they'll snatch your partner are actually not the people who could do it and the people you keep close and trust are actually the ones who would likely betray your trust
ReplyDeleteDon't mind the narrow minded questionable women in many cases they know the thrash they are married to as husbands
Delete@slim
DeleteResent
Well, some divorce ladies(especially the ones with kids) go for married men.
ReplyDeleteI have this ex that divorced her husband because of infidelity.
She called me and told me all that happened. She started asking for financial assistance and I always give her any amount she asked for.
She started catching feelings and I told her that I don't want that. I reminded her how hurt she felt because of her ex-husband's cheating and told her to put my wife in her shoe and imagine how hurt she will feel if I cheat on her.
She said that she felt that sex is the only way she can pay me back for the financial assistance and advice I always give her. I told her that I don't want anything in return, that I am only assisting until she is financially stable because of her children that her ex-husband abandoned.
I told her that if she needs a relationship, she should date single guys, divorced men or widower, because going for a married man is committing the same sin that her husband did that led to the end of her marriage.
Good advice you gave to her
DeleteGod bless you for your great help! May God always give you courage and wisdom not to defy the sanctity of marriage🙏
DeleteYou’re a good man
DeleteYou are a good man, may God bless you more
DeleteThis one isn’t even about divorced women, this woman wasn’t raised right, she was raised to pay back with her body for what she cannot afford.
DeleteMost men feel divorced women are sexually starved, even women whose husbands are away on business trips, they already calculate how sexually starved they should be, they don’t realize not everyone is controlled by their sexual organs
Push up (original)
My friend, stop rendering financial assistance to an ex! Na when she put you inside bottle your eyes go clear. I'm sure your wife is unaware of what you're doing because deep down you know she won't be happy with you if she knew
DeleteYou did well. I applaud you for the stand you took and the truth you told her.
DeleteWell done on your discipline, begin to create distance OSISO !
DeleteAnon 18:20, I understand you, but like said above, I'm doing it for the children and not for her or her husband.
DeleteYes, my wife isn't aware because she may or may not agree to it.
When growing up, my father will refuse to drop money for food whenever he had issue with my mother. I know he always do that to punish my mother, but he was punishing us his children too. The hunger and the cry of my mother then, I don't know which one hurt more.
All that experience made me understand what those kids you are saying I shouldn't help is going through. You may not understand it if you have a good father.
All these made me vow never to hurt my wife or make her cry, because I don't want my kids to see what I saw when growing up.
Just like when I hear or read that a husband/boyfriend or a wife/girlfriend kill their children to hurt their spouse, it hurts me.
So keeping it to myself is to help the kids and save drama in my family .
18:09
Deletegood clarification. But female divorcees are known to roll a lot with married men.
Even women can attest to this.
Great advice.. but that will not stop her from catching further serious feelings.
DeleteBro, be careful with such a lady. They can very desperate.
Any continuing good to another woman a man cannot chest out and tell his wife is potentially dangerous to the man's marriage.
DeleteCut ties with her . You have helped enough. People like this can be desperate and want to destroy you and family.
DeleteIt is nothing personal. Most families will avoid you do that you don't spread your toxicity and scatter their marriage. Misery needs company and they'd rather protect themselves from you
ReplyDeleteMy wife was(still is) friends with a neighbour whose marriage crashed within months. Was kinda indifferent at first but the last straw was when I noticed certain reckless behaviours. It caused a fight but I pyaid some ground rules and in time I noticed she has also decided to keep a lil distance.
DeleteExcept for sincere cases of incessant Abuse and Violence, there's a MENTALITY that comes with divorce
Thank you @06:19
DeleteLet the woke men and women let their partners associate with all kinds of ...
The Bible does not lie. Association with some people corrupts.
I will never let my wife be friends with a divorcee
ReplyDeleteBut there is nothing wrong with
Deletebeing friends with a divorcee , what if she left her marriage for a cogent reason like domestic violence?
Your reasoning is low Sir, the married male ho's you lot call friends and brothers in most cases are those ones the good influence?
DeleteWhich misery ? How many women are married to abusers , it is now she can be free and heal that she is misery okwaya?
Case by case, there are useless married women hoing comfortably under their husbands roofs
So you’re the one to choose for your wife
DeleteBut you will happily be friends with adulterers. Look at you
DeleteMy parents separated when I was 6 and my twin younger brothers 2, we traveled to my maternal grandparents base for Easter break when my dad called and asked us not to return because his family said so. Like play like play he said he was not interested in the marriage anymore and he wanted nothing to do with us(our mum and we the kids). It was a really difficult and trying time for my mum because she was not doing anything(my dad's order while they were still together).
ReplyDeleteShe was mocked and humiliated by her mum(my grandma) and her sisters(my aunties), my grandfather was the only one who comforted her and took our responsibilities on his head. He provided for us and showed us so much love (God rest his soul).She later got a job 2 years later.
My dad reached out 5 years later and decided to play his part as a dad, started paying our fees and taking care of us but didn't want reconciliation. He served her divorce papers that same year.
My dad remarried twice but divorced both women, he is single now and lives alone. He is a chronic womanizer even in his old age. He is 66. He sleeps with everything and everyone.
My mum got a lot of proposals after the divorce but she refused to get married again(I wish she did).
They've been divorced ever since then, I am 29 now and my brothers 25.
Marriage scares me, I have never loved genuinely because I feel men ain't worth my love, I don't attach myself to people emotionally, that way I detach easily I worry if I get married I might end up like my mum.
It is well
This is so painful, please don't feel that way, God will.send you someone that will wipe away your tears, love will find you, it is well
DeleteYour story reads like mine, except that my mum gave birth to just me before they seperated. I also wish that my mum had remarried but Nigerian tradition and christianity made her not to.
DeleteYou don’t need to be afraid of love and marriage. All men are not like your father. There are good men although they are few.
My mother’s experience made me very unwilling to tolerate unfaithfulness and violence in a relationship/marriage. I was once married to someone else but the two months I spent in that marriage showed me that I was in for a lifetime of tears, so I packed my things, left and paid a lawyer to initiate divorce proceedings (had to wait a year or two for it to be concluded).
God was good to me and I’m now married to a man with integrity and I have peace. Though I told him from the beginning, I cannot deal with cheating and beating, that is where I draw my own line.
Wow,may the Lord bless the soul of your grandfather.
DeleteI know people often say we should learn from other people's experience but please don't let the experience your mom had block your heart in finding the right man.
Pray to God and be open minded...It is well!
You will not end up like your mum, but you need therapy, keep praying for a patient partner who will be willing to do the work and peeling off the walls you have created
DeleteE hugs
Push up (original)
100% cosign on push ups comment on this matter
DeleteDivorcing after 2 months... Na WA. Some of you with baggages skills either deal with it or keep it to yourselves and not be destroying people's lives with it.
Delete@initial poster, there's a reason am a believer in putting in the with to go the distance, and that's because of the kids. We need to protect them at will costs. Their happiness trumps mine. When we Scar kids, it impacts their future (happiness), and that has a rebound effect
I have been separated from my husband over a year now because of dvd and not sure he is going to change his life styles. My pastor is aware and referred me to one member who is also social worker for how to access help for housing and other help for my children, i have a feeling that she is sharing my news with other yoruba women in the church with the way they are throwing insults in my face especially when i missed service.
ReplyDeleteIgnore the opinions of ignorant fools, be too busy rebuilding your life
DeleteAbeg leave that church.
DeleteLeave the church pls else they push you to depression leave fast
DeleteI’ve been single after the bride price that was paid by an ex was returned to him. Since there was not court or church wedding and no kids. I kept that info to myself. I told only few people and the ones I informed about it prior to that I’ve avoided them ever since telling them it didn’t work out. Just keep the info to your self and your family and move on with your life, working and been successful in all you do cos this naija is full of low mentality and stigmatization. You owe no one any explanation about your past. Confide only in God.
ReplyDeleteExactly! Nobody owes anyone an explanation for their life choices. The moment you start giving any explanation is the moment you invite their judgement into your life. Stay in your corner and let them stay in theirs.
DeleteAs a man I didn't know the stigma attached to Divorced/Seperated person no be here. Everywhere you go, they judge you especially in this our society.
ReplyDeleteI am divorced and honestly scared to remarry again. Worried if I can ever get a genuine person on this path. God knows I would stick my neck and make it work again.. loneliness no be here...
You are not alone on this, I got separated from my ex husband one year that we got wedded. Got divorced properly last year, I had to relocate out of the city I got married to cos of the way people talk and treated me.
DeleteI pray love finds me cos I am ready to love again. I am now ready to give marriage another chance to see how it will go. I have promised not to settle for less but I will put in my best to make sure it work.
Currently separated and so far, I’ve only received support, even from his family. I’m a very private person, so only family and 1 friend knows about it. We never really did anything together, including church so I think it will be easy for me to go through it without a lot of people knowing.
DeleteIf only everyone was willing to put in the work, and genuinely love and be honest…
At the moment am separated. It hasn't been easy but then it's worth the peace I have now. You can always change your church. I left my church to a different parish to clear my head and worship in a place where am not known.
ReplyDeleteI don’t know who has the worse stigma, single mums or divorcees it’s very sad
ReplyDeleteNo stigma as far as I'm concerned. It also depends on the level of people you interact with.
DeleteI don't think that I owe anyone any explanation concerning my marital status. Nigerians are hypocrites and they pretend a lot.
ReplyDeleteI am divorced and have never experienced the so called judgment from people/ society except na for my back. The only person that tried to taunt me over my divorce was a family member and I have cut her off.
ReplyDeleteDivorcees are only good for sex. Have a good time with them, pay them off and if kind enough, pass her off to a friend. I am not committing to a tokunbo. They are just rentals.
ReplyDeleteAre you ok?
DeleteHe knows what he is doing. He is saying all this so his wife won't leave him.
DeleteKING XOXO MYSTERY
I'm divorced and my only regrets are the time, money and other resources I wasted during the divorce proceedings. Now I have become too independent and too wary. Relationship dey fear me because I dread heartbreak.
ReplyDeleteY’all care too much about these folks
ReplyDeleteLeave them and find other friends or chill by yourself for a minute
There are people that want you guys as friends but some of you must be friends with those that don’t like you