Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative..

 Hmmm.....

STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
SERIOUS SITUATION

Dear Stella,
Thank you for all you do for people all over the world.

This is a very long read.

We met in 2009. Introduced by a mutual friend. It was not a surprise meeting again a year later and getting introduced and exchanging numbers. He was a teacher in a private higher institution and I had just finished undergrad studies. In less than a month of chatting and calling, he said he wanted to marry me. At the time, I wasn’t interested because I wanted to go for youth service, get a Masters degree before tying the knot.

I made him understand that I was not ready for marriage and we could continue the relationship and get to know ourselves in the process. He refused. There was nothing to know. I found it comical then that he would come to my home one cool Saturday evening with a bottle of wine, well-packaged. He knew my parents were around and he told them that he was officially letting them know of his intentions to marry me. To me, it was a joke! My parents would NEVER accede his request but they did. They said he was a responsible young man doing things right.

He was given an easy route to marry me. My parents’ philosophy was that they were not selling their daughter and they needed him to treat me right so they negotiated on his behalf with the Umunna. Few months after we got married, I found out that he took a loan to marry me. He had told my parents that he was ready for marriage but he wasn’t.

The person who stood as guarantor for him was being harassed by the bank (he was preventing the bank from recouping their money by changing his salary account). That was how I knew. I found out also same period that he had an affair. I was crushed beyond my expectations because I was a virgin. He was my first and we were extremely adventurous. My self-esteem took a nose-dive. He denied flat but the girl told me what they had done. When I tried to probe, he slapped and shoved me. I was pregnant with our first child. I had no idea that what I read about abuse will happen to me.

From then on, it became worse. Because it wasn’t always bad, I stayed.

Years later, he wanted to take a bank loan for an academic pursuit and I refused because we had just finished paying one loan and he could have saved up to get the same money. He took it anyway and was misappropriating it. When I called him out on it, he beat me up and asked me to pack all my things and leave. When one of his friends saw me bruised and bloodied, they asked me to file a doctor’s report which I did. I moved out but he held on to our child. Within that space of time, we were separated. There was pressure from many people to go back. He gave an undertaking that such will never reoccur. My father told him there and then that if it reoccurred, I won’t go back.

In 2017, I stopped working because he got a job in another part of the country and irrespective of the fact that my job paid twice what he earned at that time, he told me I had to resign. I came home one day to see the children were not home. Their clothes gone! I called him and he said that I should choose between my job and the marriage. I tried to shuttle unsuccessfully for months and resigned.

Last year, he became incredibly jealous. I was on a call with my sister and he got violent asking me to end the call. He didn’t know who I was speaking with. When I wouldn’t end the call, he dragged the phone from me and beat me up. That was the beginning. Several times last year, he would beat me up and ask me to leave his house. He accused me of cheating on him (chatting with and calling). He mandated me to block the said individual which I did but each time I was on my phone, he would accuse me of chatting with the said fellow. Many times, he would beat me and ask me to leave. I would go to my mum. He would beg my mum and others and I’ll return.

Eventually, he did same and this time, I was beaten and asked to leave. I left under the pouring rain with only 4k to take me home (over 900km). I was stranded, decided to apply to a bank for a soft loan and I was told from the bank that my request had been denied because I took a loan and hadn’t paid back. I was shocked. I hate bank loans and would never take any. A family member sent me the money I eventually used to go home to my mother.

When I got home, I was called by my husband’s congregants – he’s a clergy. That he was crying to them that I left him for a younger guy who I was dating. In addition to physical abuse and fraud, he added slander to the mix. Obviously, the church has stood behind their own. They have offered me several incentives so I would return but I fear for my life. He has ruined my reputation and my children are suffering the consequences.

For a year, I haven’t been allowed to be with my children. He disabled their phone. I have sent messages to him to bring them for holidays or something. I am working now and working on a program at the moment. I had to buy a new phone for them but he blocked my number. My daughter hasn’t been spared. He is incredibly hostile to her and says “she will leave just as her mother did”. He beats her at will too.
Different people have suggested many things for me to do but I will not do anything that will put me or the children in jeopardy or break the law. Also recall that I started from ground zero, your suggestions will be appreciated.


This Chronicle got me so angry..... I feel like twisting your two ears until you hear word!!!... You will not do anything to break the Law but you ran away and left your children to the suffering that you ran away from? He is beating your daughter? Do you know the amount of damage going on? Your daughter will end up being attracted only to a man who will continue the abuse...The chain will continue and become a family tradition..

Go and steal your children if you must..... Pick them and run!