Hmmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
YEARNING FOR HAPPINESS
Trust you’re doing well?...Pls I hope this gets posted.
Sometimes you just wish you can start your life all over again.
I grew up without a father. He died before I was even born. My Mum struggled all her life to care for my sibling and I. It was an extremely tough journey.
I love my Mum so much I never want to see her weighed down. I do most things to impress her. She even determined my career path.
I’m married now. It’s been over 3yrs but I feel so unhappy and unfulfilled. I was way above 30yrs and my elder sibling and I still lived under the same roof with our Mum. Her friends children were doing fine and moving on...Even her siblings children (my cousins). She was depressed, hypertensive and could count how many times I’ve seen her smile.
The he came along. I’ve not been the type who has suitors flocking around. My choice was always so limited. My Older step siblings were unmarried (late thirties and early forties) and I didn’t want to be caught in the web; so I go with whoever comes along. Then, my mum; I needed to give her something to rejoice over. Is she happy still?..No. We’re barely getting on in our marriage.
She still sometimes have to send us money to feed.
I never loved him, I still don’t. Then, the struggles and hardships worsened the whole situation. Don’t get me wrong, despite the struggles, he tries to make sure I atleast don’t go hungry or homeless even if he has to borrow or face humiliation.
I yearn for happiness, genuine joy. I envy people who found love and are in love. I secretly consider divorce but with family and personal history, I fear I might be single forever.
I just needed to put my thoughts here though summarized.
Thanks.
The man is not doing anything to make you unhappy and you must have known he was struggling before you married him..You are probably looking at how others are and secretly comparing it to your marriage that is what is making you sad....Or you are also someone married better than you and feel sad.....
If all of the above is not correct, then i dont know what is wrong with, you dont even sound like you want to give the Marriage a chance and from reading your writeup, its like you inherited sadness?
Please work on whatever is wrong with you, I dont think your marriage is the issue here..
Thank you Stella, dear poster your marriage is not the issue, find what is and deal with it
ReplyDeleteLove yourself first
DeleteAre we ever truly happy in this life? I have asked myself what willake me happy a lot of times and it changes per time and situation. I just try to do the little things that give me joy per time and leave the rest for God.
DeletePoster,try t do the little things that give you some measure of joy per time( eating a bar of chocolate,listening to your favourite .music,reading a good novel,go to the beach,have sex,make some money etc) ad quit stress about hiy everlasting cos it doesn't exist. We are all just trying or best
In this life, learn to do you; the world will adjust!
DeleteI used to be a people pleaser in my life before. I will kill and clown myself just to make sure my family is happy.
Did it make them happy? Not at all. They turned around and started demanding it as of right.
It got worse that if I start of a business, my mum will reprimand me on how wicked I was to kick off without giving my older ones the money to kick off 1st before looking for money for mine.
I woke up one day where I was all drained and drenched emotionally from carrying their happiness and being miserable myself and I ran away without looking back.
I am not yet where I wish to be, but I am at peace with myself and my choices!
Foundational alters at work. The same thing that prevented your family members from getting married will frustrate anyone who attempts to marry. Go and ask questions about your foundation and begin from there, your husband is not the problem.
DeletePoster them forbid you to make money? How can your mum still be sending you money even after all she has been through. Your husband tries his best but I didn’t read your own contributions.
ReplyDeleteGet something doing so you can put a smile on the faces people who love you. At this point you should be the one sending something to your mum no matter how small but here you are lamenting
Fan Emmanuel
If you’ve ever struggled you won’t ever tell anyone ‘them forbid you from making money’ ..just pray for people to find favor or sftu
DeleteI know how you feel
ReplyDeleteYou only have one life and can't just fold your arms in sadness forever! Make a conscious effort to be happy.
ReplyDeleteWork smart to earn the pay that will sort your bills since you said your husband is trying, support him so you won't have to depend on Mumsy. All will be well by God's grace.
💯💯💯
DeleteTwins ♊ Squared
Contentment is a good virtue.
ReplyDeleteYou're looking for happiness because other people's around you seems happy or things are going on well for them.
I will suggest,you look inward,count your blessings,get a skill if you don't have one,hustle smart and be grateful to God.
Don't divorce your man because his little drop of water hasn't formed a mighty ocean .
Poster you have to learn to live your life and don't be an extension to your mother's unhappiness. In the bid to a life to make her happy, you lost yourself and didn't take time to consider your decision in choosing a life partner.
ReplyDeleteYou have to learn to live a life of contentment. You know why you are unhappy? It is because you are always comparing yourself with people; comparison is a killer of peace and self-worth. All fingers are not equal, if you don't have it going now, why not pray; keep pushing on and be hopeful, keep a positive mind.
Nobody can make you happy. You owe yourself your own happiness. From your write-up, you were expecting your husband to make you happy? If you don't work consciously to live a happy life, it will always be about complaining, tears and unhappiness...Practice gratitude, pray and keep a smiling face.
Marriage is not the only measure to living a great, there is a lot more ahead: Learn to be grateful, happy. Somethings na Nigeria problems.. Don't be hard on yourself..
Instead of wallowing in sadness and self-pity, accept your mistakes and work on making it better. Learn to be happy; from there your mom can take a cue on how to live a happy and free life. Take ownership of your life and all its outcome. Face them like an adult, learn from it and keep moving.
Nobody has it all easy or rosy.
All the best
Sad part is the husband may also get infected with her sadness and folding hands on body. That's when she would really know what's up.
DeleteHad to start calling Madam Daughter of Sorrow for her to get sense. Now she is the person making efforts to cheer me these past days when it appears I am working without reward.
Poster cheer up.
I dey come back for you today or tomorrow on this post.
As a former therapist, I have realized that a lot of issues Nigerians face could have been avoided if they gave therapy a chance earlier on.
ReplyDeleteIt’s not only mad people who need therapy. A lot of wounded souls are wondering around.
Poster kindly see a therapist. You are carrying a lot of emotional baggage from your childhood.
I wish you the best.
Thank you for this
DeleteBeing married to someone you don’t love is the worst kind of pain. What you did, you did so your mum could be happy....huge sacrifice.
ReplyDeleteThere’s this feeling of satisfaction/contentment you feel when you are with someone you love
You are human and you’ll definitely feel bad when you see people around you doing really well. Don’t feel guilty about it.
What if Baba get funds?😁😁
DeleteWould you rather not cry in private jet......?🙄🙄
Good part is love can grow if given the chance. The man appears to be the kind of person Poster can grow to love if she open heart and water her marriage.
DeleteLove is a decision pls. It’s not a feeling
DeletePoster you can love this guy if you want to. Just be kind and extra nice to him and you will see the change
Happiness is something you make for yourself not looking at people to give you. You can be happy if you choose to
Zendaya
From poster’s words, I doubt that her problem is love, her problem is money.
DeletePoster, Your husband seems like a stand up guy, why not hustle with him and both of you try to make headway. He is not the cause of your depression or problems. Don’t lose a good companion because you feel other areas of your life are not as they should be.
I for say make you see therapist but where is the money kwanu? A therapist would have been ideal in your situation, you may even have clinical depression who knows.
16:46 her problem is love too
DeleteShe married out of fear and also to make her mother happy
Daughter of zion, verily I saith unto thee, comparison breedeth sadness and depression.
ReplyDeleteLet thee be happy for things God giveth to thee and pray for the ones that cometh in future.
Let it be known unto thee that a grateful heart moveth closer to good things.
Let thee not be worried for what thee can't changeth not, but instead pray for the change that cometh from God as thee pray.
It is well .
KJV.
Thank you, KJV.
DeleteSeek Jesus the mighty man of valor. The salt of the earth. The joy that keeps giving. If you accept Jesus, He will carry your burden and make his glory shine upon you.
DeleteBecome your father's daughter and live a contented life.
Stop comparing yourself with other people, you shall remain miserable until you exit this life.
If you are not working or making money, start doing something.
Being married to someone you don’t love is the worst kind of pain. What you did, you did so your mum could be happy....huge sacrifice.
ReplyDeleteThere’s this feeling of satisfaction/contentment you feel when you are with someone you love. When you have that, nothing else matters.
So I really really get you and I pray God gives you reasons to be happy.
You are human and you’ll definitely feel bad when you see people around you doing really well. Don’t feel guilty about it, let it motivate you.
Whatever hustle you are doing, do it diligently and pray and see how you soar.
Sluttychic.
Love is not everything, a positive attitude is.
DeletePoster why must you marry somebody you don't love?
ReplyDeleteIs it not better you are surving on your own than adding more load to your life?
I don't even know what to advice you.
You have chosen to endure so may Hod help you and direct you, so you can know what to do with your situation
AHH!😦
ReplyDeleteGod abeg oh..
Make we no jam agbako..
Like a wise man (me😁) said earlier in a post today: women are only loyal to their feelings and not your sacrifices.. no go kill yourself cos you won please am oh, see this one wey the man dey even face humiliation and what not to please....
Poster work on your thoughts. The mind is so powerful that it could be use to create or to bring total destruction to our lives. We must learn how to create beautiful pictures in our heart and be cheerful hoping for the best. Can't you get a job or preferably learn a skill? Happiness is a choice and I urge you to stick to it. The man here isn't the problem as he tries to put smiles on your beautiful face. Would you rather prefer to be single? Pls change your mind set. You can learn to love that man and be determined to build yourself financially.goodluck dear.
ReplyDeleteHave YOU made an effort to be happy? You didn't mention if you work. Or you're folding your arms, waiting for a magic wand? I pray God help that man and direct the love of his life his way.
ReplyDeleteYou have to girth yourself and find the inner strength to do something that you have never considered before. Whether you will have to get another job, open a business, apply for an overseas job, go back to school, learn some trade or vocation, your life will only change by doing something different and it will call for you to do more. Having a better life takes work and it is not always a happy experience on the journey but the end result will be rewarding.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to feel love in suffering. You probably would have felt more harmonious feelings towards your spouse if your life was comfortable. You have not said anything negative about his character, his poverty is not a character flaw, just a life circumstance. It is best both of you sit down and draw up a plan of action in securing a better future. Two is stronger than one, and if you both work together as a unit you will achieve more than you going in different directions. So put your heads together and focus on how to get more economic strength so your mother and other ppl do not have to be bothered. Forget the love emotion for now. Hungry in love is no different in feeling from being hungry without love, it’s the same hunger pangs that will be felt. So let love wait, focus on the practical and focus on becoming a team to battle your current problems. Love will bloom when life becomes more comfortable.
Poster learn to love yourself ok, I'm sorry you feel this way, But your happiness only depends on you and God.
ReplyDeletePray more, love both yourself and your hubby more, stay positive.
Whenever you have the negative thoughts, Silently say these words, 'it's well with my soul'. Keep repeating until you feel better.
Your mindset is the problem. You should pick yourself up, find a job and keep going. Pray because your life depends on it. You need to be sane to have a happy life in today's world.
ReplyDeletePoster you forgot to mention to us how many of ur extended family members are in the hospital battling one sickness or the other or the ones that have died and have been buried. Learn to thank God for the little things, the big things will come.
ReplyDeleteSo you grew up in poverty and instead of learning a skill to make money you decided to marry .. a poor man. Go to the hospital and do a family planning for the next few years , learn a skill (digital marketing , sewing clothes , hair making , or start a small food business if you live in a busy area) don’t make the mistake of giving birth in this circumstances otherwise you will repeat the poverty cycle for your children.
ReplyDeleteShe doesn’t have time for family planning
DeleteShe needs a child now
She doesn't need a child, a child doesn't cure unhappiness and is an expensive weak attempt
DeleteMy darling, you need a paradigm shift. You view life through this unhealthy and depressive frame. You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself, baby, and start showing more gratitude for life, if nothing else. So you lost your dad before you wear born? You still have a mother, don't you? What does that even have to do with anything? By your logic orphans are doomed and will lead miserable lives, no? I understand hard knocks but you have to make something out of the lemons life tossed at you. Thank God you are alive, as long as you're alive, anything is possible.
ReplyDeleteUntil you change your mindset, you will always be miserable, sweetheart. If you were married to a multimillionaire, you would still find something to be sad about. The problem is your mind and not necessarily your situation. You need to really work with a therapist, even the average motivational speaker will help at this rate. You need to be inundated with positive words which will translate to positive thoughts and a positive attitude.
You have to make yourself happy before you can make others happy. You can start by appreciating your husband, even if you don't love him yet. Thank him for going out of his way to take care of you. Be grateful that he isn't adding to your depression. Stop using other couples as yardsticks to measure your marriage, that's wrong and wholly unfair.
Happiness can be a choice, you know? You can choose to be happy regardless of your situation. Remember, there are people worse off who will gladly trade places with you. Instead of saying "my life is so miserable because I had an unhappy childhood", say "my life WILL be amazing in spite of my unhappy childhood". Start positive affirmations and stop this miserable pity party, it doesn't help. It only attracts more negative things.
It's a long road to recovery, don't expect to change 30 plus years of negative thinking in a couple of months. It will take years but start now. When you fall back to old habits, get up and start again. Look for things to be grateful for, not things that didn't turn out right. I honestly wish you great success, my love. May lines fall in pleasant places for you.
e-hugs and kisses.
Sweet Ronalda!
DeletePoster from your write up,most of your older siblings aren't married and you had to break the family evil pattern regardless of not being in love with the guy.The breakthrough delay affecting your husband might likely be from your family. Your and your siblings need a serious family deliverance from marital delay and poverty.I will advise you all to go for mountain of fire weekly or weekend deliverance then follow up with a 21 days mid night prayers.Do these continuously for 6 months.While at it,Kindly start a business no matter how little it is.May God come through for your family in Jesus name.
ReplyDeletePoster thinks that happiness is when you have money, find happiness within you no matter your situation. Just make yourself happy with the little your husband is providing for you.
ReplyDeleteHope you are helping your husband to make some money and not to sit at home complaining.
Be contented with what you and your husband have,leave other people life alone and focus on your life
ReplyDeleteDear poster! pleases.....life is a moving wheel.... sometimes we are down.... sometimes we are up.... Life is short....you gotta hold on to who you love.....if we trust in money to save or make us happy,we are wrong...all can be lost in a storm....you have to live and not exist.....you just have to make yourself happy, please try loving your husband first, if you can see a therapist, please do, it is well
ReplyDeletePoster you need to do what makes you happy. Don't put on your happiness on a man abeg. Man will disappoint o, it's only God that is sure never to disappoint. The first 5 years of a marriage are the struggle days. You will grow to love him, let your heart be open to your husband abeg and never compare yourself to anyone or your marriage to any other. Yours is unique and enjoy it. Love is not enough in marriage. What if you married someone you loved and he started misbehaving will still not be happy. Let your joy come from the Lord on the inside make yourself happy. Get busy
ReplyDelete