EXTREME ABUSE
I’ve been married for about 13yrs. Marriage has been full of ups and downs. My chronicle is not really about my marriage so I don’t have to go into much details about that.
My oldest is 12 and second is 11. My husband has been a great father, he provides and he’s there for them as much as lies within him but the problem is how he goes extreme in disciplining them.
My children are not stubborn at all, so their offense may usually be not doing their chores, forgetting something he may have told them to do or getting poor grades in school. He would so beat them that they end up with bruises, black eyes and or bleeding gum.
I have talked, screamed, cried, reported to family and friends. He reduced the frequency quite alright but recently he did it again.
Stella I was so scared, my child’s eye was swollen and red like a thief.
My husband claimed his elbow ´mistakenly’ touched his eyes while he was beating him.
I’m tired. Even when I tried taking the child to the hospital he blocked us and threatened to deal with me severely if I tried that.
He gaslights my kids and tells them the impact is not much, I’m trying to blow things out of proportion, trying to make him the bad parent. He would go out and buy treats for them and tell them to say the wound is from a domestic accident when people ask.
He gaslights my kids and tells them the impact is not much, I’m trying to blow things out of proportion, trying to make him the bad parent. He would go out and buy treats for them and tell them to say the wound is from a domestic accident when people ask.
Though a lot of our neighbors already know what goes on.
I ve thought of reporting him to the police but I know how corrupt NPF can be, what if he bribes them and then turns around to deal with me?.
Which other NGO can I turn to that he would not be able to bribe?.
*let me ask you one question- What will you do the day your husband beats one of them to death or turn them into a handicap with the beating?
The next time he beats any of them, snap the injured or bruised area and send to me to call him out and call for his arrest. By the time they deal with him, he will never try it again.......And be sure to include your life is in danger for calling him out, he will not be able to touch and your marriage might develop hiccups after this but it will save your kids the abuse....
Please send me a message when you see your chronicle posted....
He is abusing his own children. Abeg he shouldn't turn them into rebels or kids with low self esteem among their peers.
ReplyDeletePoster your husband is master manipulator and a cult leader. Don't keep quiet, he is abusing your children. Very soon, it will move to murder if you don't put your foot down and take necessary action. You will gradually raise children with low self-esteem, sadism and anti-social behaviour who will in turn harm people and animals.
DeleteFollow Stella's advice and stand up for your children. I hate abuse towards children, it makes my blood boil.
He is a bad father but somehow you still manage to insert someomewhere he is a good father cos he provides? A father provides safety and security also not only money. What rubbish is this. Obviously he gives you slaps from time to time.
DeleteVarey B.
18:29, he beats her blue black. He gives her money and gifts, provides for the home 100% , so he is a great father and a good horseband
DeleteMadam leave that marriage.
DeleteIf you still want to stay, locate the unit that deals with women and child abuse in the ministry of women affairs in your state. You can go out to the magistrate court or any state secretariat to ask about the ministry that handles such cases. All states have offices that handles such. Pls tell them that he is dangerous and your life may be in danger so that they will handle it secretly as if it's a neighbor that reported him,
If the mark is still on the child, then let them pick him up immediately. Start your findings as from tomorrow morning and report him.
Not just a bad father, monster in human form who is not worth being a father. Poster, i guess this monster hits you sometimes and you always make excuses for him. Imagine calling this kind of creature a good father all because he provides financially for you and the children. You better take those innocent children away from that monster before he kills one or even both of them. If you love him that much, let him seek for professional help because he is not normal. Take the children far away from him as soon as possible. Please those children need therapy, if you can't afford a therapist please do it yourself( good mothers are naturally great counsellors). Though you can not be called a good mother for allowing that monster abuse those innocent children. Trust me, you are an enabler, imagine calling him a good father. Tufiakwa!
DeleteChildren are to be corrected and not to be abused by parents.
THANK U.
DeleteIt's too much o.
DeleteBlood of Jesus!!! They are basically damaging your kids in front of you. Poster, this is a valid reason for divorce oh. This is not a GREAT FATHER so please stop saying that, take action and do as Stella says so you can start rehabilitating them ASAP. God forbid!!!
ReplyDeleteYou have an abusive husband right there
ReplyDeleteI think reporting him is the best thing to do at this point
Don't let anything happen to your children before take action
Act fast!
You*
DeleteMadam, your husband is not a good father. He is abusive and knows it. He is a bad father and should not be allowed unsupervised with the children.
ReplyDeleteWhat manner of man would injure his children in the name of discipline? What happened with teaching them with love.
If a teacher should beat your children in such manner, what would your husband do? 🤷♀️
Embrace the teacher or stranger?
Act very fast before he kills them. He needs therapy ASAP.
She kukuma saw the signs of hot temper in him before marriage, but she must become a Mrs by fire.
DeleteMadam your children are already low key blaming you for not taking them out of that situationship trust me.
DeleteStart building your divorce case, get plenty evidence and then ask for a separation once you have enough evidence to tender in court showing he is abusive and can't be granted custody of those children, Trust me they won't miss that man and will thank you for your courage.
Go to NAPTIP or Human Rights Commission.
ReplyDeleteSend him the Child rights act. What state do you reside? The act is yet to be domesticated in some states. Go to NAPTIP and Human Rights Commission to report that animal.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
You are calling a great father animal?
DeleteDon't let the poster start trolling you o 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I don’t understand women. With this extreme abuse and manipulation and gaslighting you still call him a good father. Shame on you
ReplyDeleteThe Bible says that manipulation is as the sim of witchcraft.
He will abuse them and manipulate them to silence. Causing confusion in thier minds.
You need to report it and damn the consequences. Cos this is a life and death matter oh
Take Stella s advice and call him out before one day he will kill them and cajole you to silence
Zendaya
He is a good father because most of today's women and mothers have reduced a man (by extension, husbands and fathers) to a money pocket.
DeleteWe read here how some humble broke men or men believed to be broke.
Imagine calling such a man a great father. Tufiakwa!
DeleteThe issue is that very soon, in no too distance time, those kids will fight back, then society will judge them harshly. And when kids fight back, it's usually brutal. Remove those kids from that toxicity cos you are raising tomorrow brutes
ReplyDeleteYup. The next thing you'll hear is kids killing their parents. God forbid.
DeleteIn my own opinion, I do not see the children fighting their father. They are already scared shitless of him. They have experienced his anger and have also see this anger inflicted on their siblings. He is slowly dehumanising them. Madam, save your children o.
DeleteAnonymous 15:42 I have watched a lot of crime stories of abused children who turned around and killed their parents. Please don't underestimate people who have endured prolonged abuse. Have you heard of dissociative personality disorder?
Delete@Phoenix I hear you. And you are 100% correct. Just that oyibo crazy is always on another level. Truly it could turn out any way - the sure thing is that it is that it won’t be good.
DeleteNext time he will beat them, just secretly video it and send it online anonymously.
ReplyDeleteLooks like the type of beating my eldest brother received from my dad. On one occasion my brother even passed out because a stick was used on his spinal cord. It's God that protected my brother.
ReplyDeletePlease do as Stella has suggested
Jesus!!!
DeleteMadam, your kids are being damaged psychologically by your husband. The same treatment he is giving them, is what they will give to others when they grow up. They will be inbalanced and will damage other people, hmm, I will not stand for anyone to inflict such on my children o. It is either I do the same to you or I leave the marriage WITH MY CHILDREN!
ReplyDeletePlease save those kids! It does not end there, they need therapy after this so that they can heal from this abuse and also so they don’t carry it over to when they become adults.
Check well, your husband was also treated this way when he was growing up. The cycle must stop. It is in your hands.
Well Said
DeleteExactly the fact that he has started telling young children of his loons to lie about the scars showed that he is a monster, madam you see that man he will kill your night months journey of nurturing and care in the name of nonsense discipline how many pple has he disciplined outside, awon tigers at home sheep outside, be there saying he is a good father when you know he is a wicked soul,
DeleteMake pant mo wear you o one of your children will so hate you that you did not protect them be there covering for him , run d report him and it shld come with warrant any kpam arrest ozugbo ozugbo.
Something that a stranger cannot do your children it's what a father that is suppose to protect them is doing and you re calling him a good nonsense ingredients mtcheww mtcheww
This used to be my hubby but not this extent, any small thing, he hits.
ReplyDeleteOne day I stood up for my children that I can't take it, he opened up that's how he was brought up, flogged with wires and anything available.
I just asked him, how did him and his siblings turned out after such training?
He kept quiet. I told him, they all turned out very wicked, cold hearted, liars, cunning, bullies and any positive growth?
He was quiet, i felt his pain too cos that's the only method he knew.
But he is learning from me now, most times letting a child know the negative effects of what he/ she has done and why that action must be avoided is more important than beating that child
Oh my God, he even bribes the kids with snacks and tells them to lie that the injuries are not from the beating.
ReplyDeleteThe children shouldn't grow with that mischievous mentality o hey God.
Place him with his fellow man for battle now he will run
This is abuse,I am 💯% sure your husband was raised with tough parenting and as such replicating same with his children.
ReplyDeleteHe is damaging your kids gradually and I hope it doesn't lead to something bigger than you.
I will advice you expose him,what if he kills one of them or pass this trait to them,that they will always feel the need to beat to death before correcting someone.
God help you madam!
Are you ready for the advice you seek? Like really ready? What I mean in plain language is if you are ready for divorce. Do you have your own money or depend on your husband for everything? Do you have a supportive family or friends to fall back on? Marriage and divorce are not child's play but LIFE is superior to both. You've been with this man that is constantly attempting filicide for 13 years? You try gan. In fact, na you win 1st runner up, Amazing mom award. That woman that was settling knife fights between her daughter and her boyfriend already took 1st position.
ReplyDeleteI have nothing against discipline but what you described sounds really gross especially when he also tries to cover up by encouraging the kids to lie repeatedly. Please, one last time, tell him you'd leave with the kids if he tries that attempted murder shi* ever again. Of course, he'd only take the threat seriously if he knows for a fact that you are CAPABLE financially and mentally.
Calling him out on the blog, reporting him to an agency or the police will still lead you both to that divorce street. It's your marriage or your children at this juncture and I urge you to save your children NOW! However, if your threat of divorce hits him right, agree on appropriate disciplinary measures for the children for their own good too. We just don't want their father to mur.der them under the guise of tough love. He'd go to jail but your own life won't remain the same too; that's if he doesn't strangle you too to cover up his crime. Be careful and good luck.
Hmmm
DeleteDon't threaten him with divorce o. That type of man can kill you.
DeleteOh God I feel so bad right now for those children. Poster please do all you can and keep them safe. You are all they have.
ReplyDeleteYour husband is gradually turning those kids to a monster. Imagine those innocent kids growing up with attitude like this?then whoever they end up with as spouses suffer as a result of their damage self esteem from child hood.
ReplyDeletePls stick to Stella's advice,I beg you.
Poster please take actions fast before he damage those kids
ReplyDeleteThis the kind of damaged personalities our parents end up raising. We have become a society where physical abuse is regarded as the normal way to raise a child. God forbid I treat my kids like that. Sometimes, I raise hell on their mom when i perceive she goes overboard with discipline.
ReplyDeleteMost of us go around with deep emotional scars inflicted on us by those we call parents and not seeing anything wrong with that, we are also doing same to our children. We need to do better than our parents.
OP, you may most likely lose your home and marriage if you go down the path you are about to. Hell, even the police may consider you a troublesome woman making an issue out of a man correcting his children. But do what you must. If you lose a kid now all your husband has for you is apology.
You are equally responsible for the wellbeing of your children. You need to put your feet down on this matter. I wish you the best.
If you are in Lagos, reach out to Lagos State DSVA via their social media handle, you can choose to be anonymous if you don't want issue with your husband/marriage just that they will pick you as an accomplice, another way to go about it is to liaise with them to call your husband to order or let him face the necessary panel.
ReplyDeleteFelicity
Comment I was looking for.
DeleteIn addition, if you are in Lagos State, and you do not want to leave a paper trail, go to the Riseline Omotosho Court House at Ikeja (near the High Court Ikeja opposite Police College. I believe that is where the gender and domestic courts sit. You will get an officer of Lagos State there to guide you.
It can be presented that the report was made by any other person other than you when next there is an attack.
You can agree not to press charges but that he be warned and educated on the dangers (death or severe injury) of his actions to the children and imprisonment for him.
Madam, take action but be very discreet and quiet about it.
Best wishes.
#TheLegalTrainee
Don’t call the police unless you want the police
DeleteI want you to warn my husband no dey always work. They might keep him in jail
Dear Poster
ReplyDeleteRead Chimamanda Adichie's 'Purple Hibiscus'. There is a difference between domestic violence and discipline. What you have described is domestic violence and child abuse. Your husband is traumatising your children and causing them deep emotional scars. They don't need it. No one needs it. What you have described is even the watered down version and it sounds bad already. Please, help your children.
This is serious. The self esteem of your children will be top notch by now, I mean serious low esteem. They will always be timid, shy and not smart at all which is also affecting their studies.
ReplyDeleteI think your husband was brought up in likewise manner. He can never stop but continue. Mark my words, as the children grows older, the youngest of them will rebel him.Also, he has anger issues, he needs to see a shrink.
Please put your children first, save them. I am so pained by this chronicle.
ReplyDeletePlease take your children out of this toxic environment.
That man is a treat to the life of those children.... It can never be me,. Nor be for this life
ReplyDeleteThreat*
DeleteMarriage is the air that Nigerian women breathe. I know you are not married yet @16;57
This is the effect of growing up in an abusive home.
ReplyDeleteChild abuse. Your kids are gonna grow up mean, wicked, with complex issues due to abuse and hate both of you!
ReplyDeleteYou know the answer
ReplyDeleteLeave
If was bearing you that would be the answer. Why do you think your kids are different
You can do one last warning if you like but what happened to all your other warnings
This is unacceptable, poster aren't you scared he might kill them soon or even turn the abuse to you and begin Beat you like that?
ReplyDeleteNa wa o, monster father.
God forbid bad thing.
Report him o now that your kids are still alive before you start regreting
Did poster tell you that he doesn't beat her like that? She is more concerned about the kids that is why she is talking about their own. The beating don master her.
DeleteYou read where she said he threatened to deal with her if she takes them to the hospital, how will he deal with her? Beat her like a thief too.
19:55 he probably doesn’t beat her
DeleteWith all you've described, how is he a good father? He is not, honestly. This scares me!
ReplyDeletePlease help your children before he damages them. I'm begging you.
And so brings another set of children suffering childhood abuse who become adults living with this internalized trauma.
ReplyDeleteImagine the children as adults, their core memories are of abuse and pain, imagine how their adulthood will be and how they will relate with their perspective partners and parents.
For the man to go out to buy things to bribe the children and then ask them to lie about the bruises and signs of beating shows the extreme severity of the abuse.
I've always said, when you see adults behaving one kind ,trace it to their childhood, there you will find the reason.
I can never stay with a man who abuses my children. My heart can't take it especially when I know how damaged those children will turn out in the future.
That's just me.
And Nigerian women will rather die on the rotten altar of marriage that address the issues at stake.
My mother was the bearer but her love is unquestionable. A perfect mother. I think sometimes she was just frustrated. No, she had money but you know life
ReplyDeleteBest thing to do put yourself in between him and kids. Also tell the kids not to stay when he starts. I learned fast. Run run run. She’ll calm down later but if she grabs you in that hot moment hmmm
If your man can’t be stopped then you need to take your children out of there. You need to also apologize to them
It’s not just the beating that is guilty but also the one that didn’t stop them
She should put herself inbetween them? Poster pls don't try this before they mistakenly beat you to death or push you and you fall and hit your head and go to baba God.
Delete19:50 I’d rather die than watch my kids die or suffer immeasurably so yes put yourself there and let him beat you instead since he likes to beat so much
DeleteIf he can’t stomach beating you he’ll stop
There is a kind of blow an angry man blows your brain a woman will slump and die or since he knows you ll always come for their defence in btw he will hit with a stick or iron by the time you dies, these children will be forever be tortured by him, be putting your head inugo madam poster don't try this, run with your children.
DeleteThere is a story last week where a granny beat a grandchild to death , you think e no dey happen e dey happen , but you see me nobody will ever beat and end my nine months journey all in the name of discipline one case of maltreatment I dey leave or comot from children from that environment.
Iam just feeling for the kids. This is an abuse.
ReplyDeleteAnother one
ReplyDelete"My husband has been a great father"
SDK bvs, you people amaze me everyday. The father you described up there is a great father? Being great is by providing for them while handling them like thieves at the slightest mistake they make?
You need deliverance.
The other one was calling her cheat and wife beater of a husband "an amazing father".
God will help you all.
No man born of a woman can hit my child. In fact that day can never ever happen.
ReplyDeleteMadam, what you described is torture not discipline. Are you married to"Your lordship"? You watch him torture your kids like criminals? He is only inputting stubborn criminal tendencies into them. Since he has refused to listen to your pleading, report him to social welfare unit in your local government. Also instruct your kids to run once the beating starts. They should flee.
ReplyDeleteWhere will they run to? She needs to provide another home for them not tell them to run when he will still catch them later and might do worse.
DeleteMy neighbor beat her child until he jumped down from three storey building and broke his spinal cord
ReplyDeleteStay there and be doing my husband my husband
Let her keep saying my husband has been a great father
DeleteHow's he now? Is he healing alright? My heart goes out to the poor boy.
DeleteGod abegggg, I'm shivering. Na that she has rendered her son immobile, is she happy with her life?
DeleteHow can you say he’s a great father to these kids ? They’re not even teenagers and he’s damaged them like that.
ReplyDeleteThis is so disturbing
How do y'all tolerate all these? If he kills your child, do you think you'll forgive yourself?
ReplyDeleteBetter take Stella's advice.
Most women will praise their husbands just to prove a point, you said he is a good father, why are you sending in chronicle? What is wrong is wrong, covering up for your husband is terrible. Your kids will hate you cos you didn't fight or protect them.
ReplyDeleteListen to what Stella has said, some bvs already dropped valid information. Your husband is never a good father.
Lots of people are really damaged. I hope those kids get help fast
ReplyDeleteNo elders in the family
ReplyDeleteMadam, pls help those children before the damage becomes irredeemable. They need to be out of that space, he has killed their self esteem and also their intelligence as they will never see themselves as good enough. Take them out and also get them see a therapist before he ruins them further.
ReplyDeleteAre you saying this beast you described beats only the children and does not touch you??