ADVICE NEEDED QUICKLY
Please guys help me out::....
As a lady who is educated up to masters level and also a working class here in Nigeria, can I marry a man (also a Nigerian) who is based abroad and also a citizen of a European country but not educated? he does jobs like driving or labor to survive, is it reasonable to accept his proposal and join him? please advise before I make mistakes...
Before you accept his proposal, ask yourself why you want to marry him and relocate? Is it for love or for the opportunity to travel? This is because even though he has a Job, he may not be able to give you the good life that comes with living abroad and just working to manage to survive....
I dont know what to advice you to do because this is a lifetime opportunity for some.
Your Masters degree may not count in any European Country and you would also have to learn the Language and get some degree or get a small Job to support your husband.
Accept the proposal if you love him and willing to support but for any other reason, na you sabi oh.
Abroad or no abroad, are both of you compatible? Will you be proud to introduce him as your husband to your friends and family?
ReplyDeleteWhat interests do you both share?
Can you discuss anything with him without feeling shy or afraid?
Despite being uneducated, he might run into money tomorrow but do you like his personality?
Be your own adviser in this matter.
I hope we are not dealing with the same man. Did he just come to Nigeria? In a place with the letter G. From the East? Is he currently in Lag? Cos this your story fits a man I will be seeing soon. He is not educated and does unskilledlabor
Delete@anon 15:41 plus poster,make una do due diligence well before una both become sister wives to one kain man all in the name of abroadian.
DeleteUna doh
Dear poster,
DeleteThese are not all that makes a marriage work.
Are you guys compatible? do you have good communication skills? are you friends? is there passion between you two? is he hardworking and respectful?, what’s his relationship with his family like?
Having or not having a degree doesn’t really matter, as long as the person is teachable and open minded.
I know people abroad who make money from driving, especially driving trucks, some even go as far as owning their own companies, he needs to officially get certified, then work hard for a while, invest and get his own truck… they do make a whole lot of money.
There’s really no job to be looked down on abroad, as long as you are willing to work hard, you can make it in whatever field, there are barbers abroad making 6 figures, carpenters, masons, mechanics etc
It just depends on how hard you are willing to work and your short and long term goals
It’s not about what you do, it’s about being the best at what you do.
Push up (original)
You clearly do not love the man in question. So why bother? You consider yourself a working class woman so why would you want to get married to someone who isn't at the same level as you? Some marital problems are best avoided from the start.
ReplyDeleteThere is already an imbalanced dynamic between you and your potential spouse. You are not educated than him. You may end up throwing it in his face or he may develop a complex and see everything you do or say to be a form of slight. You don't want that kind of home.
I believe people should marry their level. If the same man was based here in Nigeria with his lack of education and doing the odd jobs he does, would you even consider him? So there you have your answer. Na the abroad part just dey sweet you.
Poster dogalmighty has said it all. It's best to marry within your level to avoid stories that touch
DeleteOkay o
ReplyDeleteYou obviously don't love the man but wishing to go on ahead with him cause he's in Europe
I wish you the very best in whatsoever choice you later get to make o
How did you come to that conclusion?
DeleteIt is obvious simply divine, she does not really love the man.
DeleteSimply D didn't you read the chronicle to see that there is no love? It's not hard to dictect naaa
DeleteHave you met him before? As in how long have you known him and his persona?. That is what count most. He can always get education if he want but then like Stella said, what are your reason for contemplating marriage with him?
ReplyDeleteIs it love or benefits?
The answer to this will guide your decision.
Ndi abroadians
ReplyDeleteMarry whom you respect that loves you....
ReplyDeleteI don’t really care about education as long as he’s a good man with a good heart . We have seasoned educated demons in both sexes I’ll choose a good uneducated human
ReplyDeleteFirstly, hope he doesn’t have low self esteem and will codedly pour that on u because he’s uneducated and u are.
ReplyDeleteHope you are not the type that will look down on him because he’s not educated and you are.
Another thing, there are so many uneducated people that speak and dress well that u won’t even , is he in this class or does he look local and uneducated.
Do u love him and can u without any doubt say that he loves you?
You get it. Because some men are jealous of their wives success oh. Be careful oh. Jealous men are DANGELOUS 😏😂
DeleteI am on you with this, I got engaged to an older uneducated man thinking because he is older just maybe. The inferiority complex and low self esteem is the same at all levels(regardless of the age involved). Poster, you have to be on the same educational frequency to work out.
DeleteWhat kind of nonsense question is this one asking? wetin do the uneducated man? Nigerians ehn!!!How many oyinbo you think say go school for here? some just focused on labour and manual jobs and they are making money like mad.. be there asking yeye question
ReplyDeleteIf you don’t understand this question then you need more life experience before advising others on marriage
DeleteUneducated men are the worse sets of men and educated woman would get entangled with, inferiority complex and low self esteem is their middle name.
Delete16:11 Experience teacher.. abeg getat
Delete@16:56
DeleteMost Nigerian educated women who marry uneducated or lesser educated men also have superiority complex.
Ordinarily a man needs to be at least two times better all round than his wife for her to respect him or give him any room in the Nigerian context.
So it goes both ways.
You need to write out what matters to you in order of PIRORITY.
ReplyDeleteWhy do you want to marry below your standard?
Why do you want to travel outside in a blind marriage?
What do you seek as a married woman.
What exactly do you know about the guy?
Do both of you have same plan for the future?
Are you marrying for Japa purpose?
Can you cope with extra working hours abroad to meet up with your financial demands.?
Do you love the guy?
Goodluck.
The fact that you have a doubt and the doubt is based on his status makes me say a resounding hells no. You see opportunity and the man has been reduced to his employment. It tells me status is very important to you. You have not mentioned any thing about his personality or character. You also mentioned his immigration status, that he is a citizen, so you know marrying him will be easy for you to get your foot in the door. Again, he is reduced to his possibilities, not his character or personality, the things that actually count in a marriage.
ReplyDeleteLeave that labourer in peace. Even if he was the richest man on earth he still needs a wife who is not seeing an opportunity but a soul, a creation of God worthy of love and taking a journey together in life to create something they can both look back together on with joy. If you cannot resolve to love and honour that man like a wife should, please leave him and his citizenship alone.
I am 100% sure that there are Nigerian men in Europe who are citizens and professionals looking for Nigerian wives, please connect with one of them so your spirit can be at peace in your choice of a spouse. I feel the desperation in your words and nothing good ever comes out of acts of desperation.
Come abroad first and see that the good life is not about academic achievement. Is he exposed and enlightened. Is he a good man? I know women doing exceptionally well in their careers and their husbands are taxi drivers here in Europe , i have a friend who just finished her PHD and the husband is a mechanic. Be there looking for titles and not focus on finding out if he is a good man. Abroad will level you and your "I have a masters' will not mean a thing to anyone.
DeleteThank you @15:56
DeleteMake she no go spoil the man life and give more bad names to Nigerian women married from Nigeria as wicked users.
25:56 you are a wise man👍
Delete18:29 you lie
DeleteEducation matters even abroad
15:56 you are a wise man
DeleteHow about you take a long leave about 3 months then visit him and stay in his house for that period. Observe who he really is and see if you can marry him or not.
ReplyDelete👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
DeleteLET LOVE LEEEEEEEEAAAAAAADDDD ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
ReplyDeletePoster you need to sincerely ask yourself why you should say yes to this man.
ReplyDeleteTrue true ur Masters degree may not count, you may also be able to get a job there, is it bcos of the citizenship or you are just desperate to marry and become a Mrs?
Or its love for this guy and his personality.
It's up to you.
Abroad is not rosey. If you are in a health care proffessional your transition will be easy.
Check all the pros and cons involved sha.
Good luck sis.
Marry him if you enjoy his company
ReplyDeleteThat’s the only thing that lack of education might prevent
Some uneducated folks are just difficult to talk to about the most basic things
The opportunity is a good one especially if he can file for you. He probably can actually make good money because blue collar jobs tend to pay well abroad. If he’s open minded, you can help him turn his business into a big one.
Nobi human being him be?
ReplyDeleteYou should be looking at his personality (is he kind and caring,treats you with respect,makes you happy,is he hot tempered, god-fearing etc).
There are educated men beating their wives to stupor, being educated doesn't make someone a perfect being.
You may not love him now,but the love may grow with time.Driving or been involved in labor jobs is better than him being jobless.relax poster, accept his proposal if he's a good man.
ReplyDeleteIt's obvious you don't love this man, why can't you leave him and wait for someone you love?
ReplyDeleteAre you proud of him enough to introduce him to your friends,
colleagues and family as your husband? because I've read about a lady that said she's ashamed of introducing her husband to her colleagues because her husband isn't upto she and her colleagues ' standard.
She may love him but doesn’t mean her head isn’t wondering if it will work
DeleteBiko run away. As an educated person you have no business with such a man. They have low self esteem and inferior complex.
ReplyDeleteIf you want to use him for japa then it’s fine ni!
This post reminds me of myself. I did not have a uni degree when I met my wife because I moved abroad to hustle at a young age and to support my older siblings (but I am intelligent, good spoken English and smart as well).
ReplyDeleteFound out many years later that my wife never loved me from the onset.
Reason - she wanted someone who was educated and has pedigree and even though I was smart, and intelligent, she felt she "dated down" before she got married and she carried this resentment for so long and we are just civil but no love. Funny enough, her own family is not "pedigreed" lol and not even influential but just a regular just below middle class family.
After settling my siblings, I went back to uni (whilst married). I now have a masters degree and make double six figures yearly (believe me, my salary still shocks me every month!) and despite that, no love. Just living together and having occasional sex.
To be honest, the only reason I still ask for occassional sex is because I don't want to cheat even though I get a lot of female admirers.
With benefit of hindsight, I should never have married her if I knew she wasn't into me (but she made it seem like she was) and right now...I am genuinely considering separation. Its sad because I genuinely still love her, but I know she doesn't love me and that love I had is fizzling out.
I could write an entire anonymous post about this, but will leave it at this.
As for the poster It's obvious you are only considering this European guy as "your opportunity" to travel abroad. If not, you won't even be asking this question. You don't love this man, you don't even care about him. You only care about yourself. Leave this man alone to find someone that loves him the way he is and go and look for the educated person you want.
Don't destroy the life of a man because of your selfishness.
You must have frustrated her during your illiteracy stage. Please, you need to apologise to her.
DeleteKING XOXO MYSTERY
Apologise for what exactly? And you know this how? How did i frustrate her? Like I mentioned, there is actually no animosity between us. We are civil and the only issue is a lack of love.
DeleteI know you are trying to put all the fault at my doorstep. But I maintain (same as she has on all occassion) that I have been a good husband in every way that I can to which she has testified.
That love/butterfly feeling is what she does not get and the fact that she wants someone who is pedigreed. ANd yes, we are separating after finding out this in the past 4 years. She can go and find the pedigree man she wanted and i will be free to go and date and marry a younger woman who actually values what I have/bring to the table.
Ehya, that's bad...
Delete@ your second to the last paragraph, you are right, there is no love.
Reading most of this comments shows a lot of you don't even know the definition of illiteracy is
DeleteThat same younger woman will only get married to you because of financial stability, no love 😊
DeletePls permit me to test the theory that has been going around. Do you really still need her love(or mutuallove), if she respects you and is civil with you
DeleteSo sorry about your situation sir. I'm just really wondering why it is that she doesn't still love you if she was after pedigree or attainment ab initio
Delete@Xoxo
DeleteVery funny for a woman think that an illiterate person does not know what love is or, as some women put it, to be emotional.
Please do they teach love and emotional acts in school? Which University in Nigeria or any country offers a degree course in love and how to be emotional in marriage
And why do women hang in a marriage claimed to be bad for so long? If the Bv was bad why did she not leave. After all, they are in the abroad where the laws are said to ease and support a woman leaving her marriage.
Let us be frank that there are marriages for purpose. It has been so since generations till today. It just that love develop in some while people get stuck in some.
I understand this situation more than anybody. Love happens after a chemical reaction happens in our brain. For that to happen, we have to feel that all our boxes are ticked, that way we feel safe and then love happens. For some people, it's status that makes them feel safe, for some it's money, or looks or height etc. I can never marry anyone if I don't feel that connection/sparks. I hear alot of us marry without sparks especially men. Can't imagine life without love, so bland.
DeleteConsider his proposal if he has prospects especially in terms of furthering his education. Uneducated men have ego and always want to Lord you to prove they are the boss.
ReplyDeleteTrue
DeleteDon't do it babyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
ReplyDeleteKING XOXO MYSTERY
😂🤣
DeleteYou should visit him where he’s based and get to know him since you’re a working class lady, find out if he has good character and if you both are compatible. Education doesn’t equate compatibility. Just do your due diligence and pray. You can relocate to Europe yourself since you’re educated to masters degree level and you have a job, don’t let europe pali put you into trouble.
ReplyDelete@Stella. Cant she work and get whatever life fir herself? Why does an adult need to work to give another adult a life the latter adult deserves though? If you think its what you deserve bitch work it. My 2 cents @ Stella.
ReplyDeleteYou should be worried about your level of compatibility and love first. Dissect his person... Then check if what he makes there as income can sustain you in a foreign land Incase you don't find a job that suits your qualification...
ReplyDeleteIt's no big deal for a non educated person to marry an educated person so long as he is not an opportunist and you both feel usual peace when you are together.
Answer is yes you can. It depends on their attitude toward education and if they value it same way you do. So many Nigerians (born in Nig) may not have a college degree because opportunities are limited or lack of money/scholarships, though they desire to, so that's understandable. It's different abroad where there are so many opportunities, scholarships and loans for citizens, so anyone who didn't get at least a college degree doesn't desire or value it (unless they have other big plans that educationis not needed for). I once dated a guy who was raised abroad - US, right there in the land of opportunities but never got a college degree. He will always say education is scam and so on. He had a low pay job, no businesses, no further ambitions. Which was very strange cos this is a country Nigerians die to go to school in. To be born of Nig parents and not get a degree was strange to see. That means he doesn't as a person value education and may pass such values to the kids. I personally value education so we had to split. Not cos he wasn't educated but cos of his attitude toward education.
ReplyDeleteAsk yourself if the man is presentable to people, does he meet up to your standard. Are you proud of him, will you respect him, does he love and respect you? These and many more questions you need to respond to before you say yes. Don't be desperate about getting married but be watchful and prayerfull
ReplyDeleteSimple question: Can you submit to him. Or can you be submissive to him especially if he is wrong but the wrongness does not injure you in any way but is totally wrong by your education standard.
ReplyDeleteAnd remember there is always a price tag for everything. He knows he is giving you a quantum leap (relocation) what (how much) are you prepared to pay for it. Can you negotiate that now. Do not wrap up you personal desire in yesterday's newspaper of love because it doesn't appear to be in the equation. So, discuss and agree on your expectations from and your contribution to the marriage. At least you have an agreement to hold him to for whatever it may be worth after marriage.
You want to marry for purpose. How much are you ready to do or take for that purpose.
When i was a budding young man, have a tailor girlfriend who is gunning for marriage and i hardly have faults in her, so i requested for advise from an older street brother. He asked me if i would be willing to have her as my first lady, if by chance i found myself in such capacity? I asked her if she would be willing to futher at least WAEC so she can at least be able to read newspaper; she declined. So the relation have to end. There you have your answer.
ReplyDelete