STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
SERIAL CHEATER
Hello Stella and BVs
I’m just here to rant and ask some questions. Do men understand love? Is there really any faithful man? Most of the chronicles we see or some viral stories online is always about unfaithfulness.
How can someone give 100% of themselves and it still isn’t enough? How can you claim to love someone but spend your entire time trying to deceive them? I really feel like I was deceived into this marriage because if I had seen the slightest red flag, I wouldn’t have gone through with it.
SERIAL CHEATER
Hello Stella and BVs
I’m just here to rant and ask some questions. Do men understand love? Is there really any faithful man? Most of the chronicles we see or some viral stories online is always about unfaithfulness.
I am not saying this is for men alone but that is my focus for today. I found out my husband who I thought was my absolute best friend cheated on me with multiple women in our marriage which is not even up to one year.
My view on the world changed in an instant. He claims he never slept with any of them but I don’t even think I can believe. I cannot begin to say the things I saw but it was very dirty, even things he has never said to me. I am broken and I have been trying to heal but whenever I read any story online or see skits about cheating, I just get triggered again.
5 months later and he has started showing signs that he’s cheating again, it may just be my mind but do you blame me? Something in me has just died.
How can someone give 100% of themselves and it still isn’t enough? How can you claim to love someone but spend your entire time trying to deceive them? I really feel like I was deceived into this marriage because if I had seen the slightest red flag, I wouldn’t have gone through with it.
The acting and deceit is what even scares me more. How does a grown man use his money to marry, only to start sneaking around? Why not be single and free or marry someone you know is okay with open marriage.
My questions; are we deceiving ourselves with monogamy? Is it really possible for a man to be okay with just one person for life? How can you give your all to someone and they act all perfect with you when they know what they are doing behind? I feel that kind of person can kill me. Why are we still marrying? What is the point? I think the people who marry for money understood this long ago and just removed their mind from anything like love. But again, what a sad life to never know what it is to love and be loved fully. Smile for pictures and celebrate 20 years’ anniversary with such emptiness inside. We are really alone in this life and I just wish people were more honest about what they want or what they can and cannot do.
Please for those who have stayed with cheating partners, what do you do to stay sane and not always be suspicious. I am 6 months pregnant. Do you cheat back? Do you always confront him? Can you really just turn a blind eye and pretend nothing is happening? For those who left because of cheating? How do you feel about your decision? I just know this isn’t life, I can’t continue like this, it is a suffocating feeling of helplessness.
My questions; are we deceiving ourselves with monogamy? Is it really possible for a man to be okay with just one person for life? How can you give your all to someone and they act all perfect with you when they know what they are doing behind? I feel that kind of person can kill me. Why are we still marrying? What is the point? I think the people who marry for money understood this long ago and just removed their mind from anything like love. But again, what a sad life to never know what it is to love and be loved fully. Smile for pictures and celebrate 20 years’ anniversary with such emptiness inside. We are really alone in this life and I just wish people were more honest about what they want or what they can and cannot do.
Please for those who have stayed with cheating partners, what do you do to stay sane and not always be suspicious. I am 6 months pregnant. Do you cheat back? Do you always confront him? Can you really just turn a blind eye and pretend nothing is happening? For those who left because of cheating? How do you feel about your decision? I just know this isn’t life, I can’t continue like this, it is a suffocating feeling of helplessness.
WOW.......Maybe you should take a break from the Marriage and plan how to deal with the decisions you may be forced to take......Not everyone can tolerate cheating, you sound like you are breaking down....Take some time away from him to think of y plan B cvos you do not have one...
You people should continue to break ur spouses oh. As a married cheat, reading this post, how does it make you feel? Does this not give you an idea of what u are putting ur partner through?
ReplyDeleteThe ‘you must have seen the signs’ gang’, which aspect will u use to blame this poster now?
I hope u get sound advice sha because as for me, a relationship should be enjoyed and not endured. The moment you start enduring ehn, just know it’s definitely time to reevaluate ur priorities
Yeah Eka,you can never ever get any sign,the shock,the sharp pain and the feeling of betrayal,can never be explained,most of the time,its flirting and stupidity but to me its also cheating,whether you pull your boxer or pant,in as much,you can chat dirty,with another,the trust is gone.
DeleteDear poster
DeleteIt’s very possible for a man not to cheat, but that man must be willing to submit to God
But sometimes once a cheat, always a cheat, just keep taking care of yourself, I know it is everyone’s desire to trust and be trusted and once that trust is broken it feels like you are just deceiving yourself by claiming to be family when you are being cheated.
I personally cannot turn a blind eye so I don’t know how people do that, cus family is everything to me, and if I don’t feel safe and sane at home where does one go.
For now take care of yourself and your baby, when you have your baby, ask him what he really wants, if he is willing to make amends or he would continue cheating, don’t cry or shout, let him know you are both adults
Whatever response he gives, you decide for yourself, no one can make these decisions for you
Push up (original)
DEAR POSTER, I FEEL FOR YOU BUT FOR US IN 3RD WORLD CLIMES THE GAME IS RIGGED. What I mean is that in civilised climes you are free to cheat as long as you own up to your responsibilities.
DeleteEg Folks like Halle Berry, MaryJBlige Wendy Williams, Britney Spears and even Mariah Carey (as the richer of the two spouses/partner) steadily paying upkeep to their (poorer) partners till the child (ren) hit 18yrs old.
JUSTICE NO DEY NAIJA SO GATHER MIND TO CARVE YOUR OWN JUSTICE. You see that handsome but broke bobo, disturbing your life almost 24/7, even when he KNOWS you are married to an OBJ/Ned/Oshiomle/Tinubu look alike, just carry belle for him and born cute kids make your 'men are polygamous, women are monogamous' husband use his resources to train those children till they hit 18yrs or even more o, seeing how our economy is moving.
Yes born most of your kids for those handsome broke men entering your eyes, so you can have cute babies&children as well as also having the luxurious upbringing attached to being seen as kids to the well connected. Shey there is nothing like monogamy and love in the mind of nigerian men, abi? Oya na, first to do e no dey pain....nobody reason to run do dna test bcos of ur pseudo maryamaka stunts dem
All is fair, two can play the game...shey na to form submissive innocenti victim dem need to dey see, just run am laik that.Omo no dulling!!!
Don't hate the player, hate the game!
Every man has a tendency to cheat. Know this and know peace. It’s how they are wired. You can’t change that
ReplyDeleteHowever some have learned to tame that dark side and no, it’s not the responsibility of a woman or a wife to do that
The man must assume responsibility and resolve what to allow and what not to
Zendaya
Every human have the tendency to cheat!
DeleteAnd you believe somewhere inside of you that women do not have any chances to cheat?
DeleteOnly broken people act like creatures less than animals and justify the ills going on in this world. Let's start by fixing our brokenness b4 getting entangled with another person, else we do not only hurt them but also damage them.
Temptation comes to every one don't be carried away by what you hear most say but question things and seek genuine answers/ reasons for yourself.
Some husbands are sex addicts.
DeleteShey polygamy is marry 3 women and take 100% care of them forsaking others bah? But you go see that man with 3 or 4 wives still dey aggressively toast ladies
So it's an addiction o.
Others lack self control when they see bouncing bwest&bum shooting out. Come get innocent fine face, the men gbola don rise.
Whether office, church, party's even home visits, their gbola is fully in control
They need to challenge themselves and say no, I won't do that..but will dey?
I feel so sad for a friend's wife. It's along distance stuff and she is working so hard with their teen children however she doesn't know that he is planning for a second wife, spending serious money on her. Meanwhile maybe the wife go do 17 years in love and countin.
Na real wa o
I can’t even stand my husband for a whole day without getting upset and irritated talk less of a lifetime. What works for us is living apart. He has another wife. I love my space and peace. The sex is great because we’re not in each other’s face daily and there’s money to crown it all. Monogamy in the potopoto.
ReplyDeleteRide on sister , you’re doing well.
DeleteWhich one is monogamy in the potopoto? Because you’ve accepted polygamy.
DeleteFan Emmanuel
I dont blame her, it's better to accept that the men aren't gonna be satisfied with one person all their lives, women too arr starting to do the same. I will rather fall in love because it makes me happy, but putting my 100 percent trust on the person is very ignorant thing to do. All married men toast me, so that's to show they all cheat. They say married women too aren't too far behind. We have to accept that monogamy is a fallacy, but I will still want monogamy over open relationship/polygamy anyway.
DeleteFind your own happiness outside too. Cheat back but be coded.
ReplyDeleteIf you are faithful and your husband cheats on you, you will have high blood pressure, but if you are on the same page, it won't bother you at all.
Stay in the marriage. Have the number of kids you can take care of and get yourself a side boo. Within a year, you will glow. Thank me later.
Poster, run from this evil advice.
DeleteYou will get nothing but emptiness if you do this
Chai phrizzle!!!!
DeleteDon't listen to this advice poster,if you can't cope move on don't come down to his level
DeleteSo also living an adulterous lifestyle is the way to go? Did poster tell you she want go hell? Because everything ends here on earth. Marriage ends here on earth and after life is eternity. And no, not all men cheat. There are men who wants to make it to heaven at the end of this life period. poster not all men cheat but temptation is definitely there because of how this world is set up.
DeleteA man with discipline and even if he’s not God fearing will be able to avoid temptation of any pussy. Have a back up plan because if you can’t continue like this, it’s best you separate and just co parent. Pray, Plan well and save save save very well before making any decisions. Start detaching yourself emotionally and start keeping yourself busy, go to the gym or go for a jog and sweat out those frustration(exercise helps the mind and you’ll feel well rested at night time) and meet new friends to occupy your mind. You’ll need a strong support system at this point especially now that you’re pregnant. If you need him to help raise your kids, or not capable financially, then you can’t leave right now. So sorry you’re going through this.
My own husband no dey cheat (well who knows if he is ehn🤷🏽♀️) but he lacks emotions, he’s not emotionally available. I’m In a loveless relationship but he’s a good provider and great with the kids. Right now I’ve detached emotionally and I’ve already told him I won’t be in a loveless relationship for the rest of my life so it’s a matter of time. I have cried screamed cursed him out for his love and affection but he doesn’t meet me half way. I have become a lot more emotionally strong to the point where I’ve even lost interest in him and the marriage and just happy he’s providing and caring for our kids. Some days are still tough though(we women are emotional being; reason why Christ says husbands shd love their wives just as Christ loves the church). A man with good upbringing and God fearing will understand this. I miss being in love, miss having a best friend and he’s nothing like this. He basically lied.(we were in a long distance relationship so I couldn’t really see this side of him as he was sweet and loving when we dated).
Take your time, focus on this pregnancy and have a safe delivery please. You don’t need anyone to stress you right now. Rely more on your family and friends for support. Make him no drive you crazy please. With time, if he doesn’t change, you’ll eventually lose all the love and emotions and see him just as the father of your kids. You will heal.seems like cheating is a deal breaker for you but Don’t make a drastic decisions yet. Take it one step at a time. A lot of These men no dey loyal so you can’t invest all your emotions in these naija men o hmmm. Most are not raised in a loving, nuturing environment and upbringing so you’ll see a lot of work woto woto men with shitty character. Only God fit change these men. Wishing you all the best. 💕
Una dey vex oo 😂😭
DeleteWhich happiness is there to be found outside? You are offering her there cowards way out. Two cheats do not make right. She will only make herself more miserable. When we allow negative situations change us for the worse, we lose the battle.
DeleteAnon 16:01 😭😭😭😭. Your story is so painful. Why don't men ever consider the emotions of their wives.
DeleteAs much as I wish to say maybe therapy, men like him are difficult to convince to see a therapist as to maybe upbringing, trauma or a negative believe makes him so closed up.
It is well 😭😭😭.
Let her cheat so that she will get a deadly disease right?
Delete16:01 and 16:38
DeleteWhat is all these emotions matter?
Is it the same as romance - the girlie romance novels (mill and boons) type?
Is doing all a wife says?
Is it sitting at home with wife during time to go work for provision the basis on which almost every wife judge the value of their husband?
If some women have what you have @16:01 they will do thanksgiving worship every Sunday.
But I am here to learn. Sincerely crave answers to my questions.
Gbam anon 16:38, you’re so correct. He doesn’t want to see a marriage counselor but quick to say divorce or separation when we used to get into argument about not being there emotionally. I have told him to go ahead because at this point, I don’t give a damn anymore. He said he sees those who seek counseling as those who are mentally ill. I’ve completely disconnected from him and finding it more peaceful for me and also co parent our kid’s better after letting go emotionally. He helps out with chores, provides and he’s there for the kids. I don jejely push my emotions to the side and focus on the good aspect. I Don’t even remember the last time I checked his phone. When a female calls, I don’t get angry anymore or question him. I’m not attracted to him anymore even though he works out, gym and looks good physically. My peace of mind over any mann born of a woman. He didn’t grow up in a nurturing environment (his mom is not nurturing at all) and his popsi died at a young age. So he definitely Carries a lot of childhood trauma. I’m not the one who will fix him so Make I just focus on me and raising these kids well and be there for them. A lot of these men(and women) have childhood trauma that we all need to work on with prayers as well. I’m the same anon 16:01.
DeleteAnon 17:53 He needs to see a therapist. Therapy is not for mentally deranged people. Some of us carry our traumas from our childhood and this forms us as adult.
DeleteMaybe there's a way to Tel him to research about this behaviour himself. I so much pity him because the day reality dawns him, he would bite his finger and regret it.
He helps with house chores, with bills and kids and he doesn’t love you? Love is an action word and he’s performing that action. That’s his own love language. Yours is different. Please give that man his accolades. Mine can’t even take his dishes to the sink .some women sha you can’t please them. Let’s exchange husband please
DeleteAnon 17:20, When a man is emotionally available, it brings more bond and connection in a marriage. They’re more in sync, the woman is more submissive and will even argue less because she no say guy man loves her. Also, Doing things together (even if na church) and with the kids, making the wife feel special once in a while and just words of affirmation and appreciation on how she’s been good to him goes a long way(and vise versa). If none of this is there, una go just be like roommates raising kids that’s all. My parents are not the romantic type but one thing they do is pray together, go to church together, go shopping together even in their old age and you’ll see that marriage connection and bond. They’re however not nurturing towards us due to their own upbringing so I had to work on that so it won’t repeat itself wit my kids.
DeleteHubby and I don’t do any of that. It feels like I’m married but single. Some women don’t care for emotions and are just happy with bare minimum. So if they see a man who provides for their kids, they’re more than happy because these women probably didn’t even grow up in a loving/ two parent home so how dem go know wetin them dey Miss or deserve. 🤷🏽♀️ this is why one can’t compare marriages with others because every marriage is different and people with different backgrounds & upbringing. What I’m doing now with my kids is nurture them in a loving way because hubby doesn’t have it and not willing to make effort. He’s stuck in his ways. I shower them with love and kisses and say positive affirmations to them and involve them in God/church. At least they’re seeing the provider side of him and they’re seeing the nurturing aspect of me so it balances out. At least dem go grow up and know what to expect in a marriage and won’t settle for less or have daddy and mummy issues like many of us do. hope I answered your question.
Anon 17:20 a lovely compliment, a hug, a peck, ability to sit down and have healthy conversations, reassuring words of love, ability to solve conflicts without throwing toxic words. The aspect of toxic words is just unbelievable.
DeleteI remember my dad screaming at mom when I was young saying he'd marry another woman because my mom complained about his inability to hold money in his hand. Just imagine. Also screaming at your wive in the public. This alone makes me avoid going out with my dad in the public. The man can wash you down anywhere.
Mind you my mom told me herself that my dad would have enjoyed his marriage more but she has cut off emotionally from him like the poster up there adviced.
And No! this is not Mils and Boon. I've never read any of those books. Women are emotional being and not cold stone human beings.
In some families, non of these are present. So when the kids see this what do you expect them to do their future partners? Remember our kids are carbon copy of us as parents.
Dear anon 17:20
DeleteHow dare you say women don’t deserve emotions, so she should be happy he is providing for his family and children? Are they not his children? Who would he provide for?
You people see women as trash and should be happy whatever cards they are given, I ask how dare you? why should women compromise?
You say some women will go for thanksgiving for having an emotionless man, well she’s not “some women” she’s herself and it’s okay to want emotions, it’s okay to want to be held, kissed, talked to… not everyone is okay with slave and master relationships, and it doesn’t make them broken for demanding their needs
Men do not compromise, when they want hot meals, prayerful wife, and a beast in bed, they simply ask for it, so why can’t she?
Push up (original)
Hmm anon with emotion-less hubby, thanks for sharing your story. You will make a great marriage counsellor. I once dated a good guy that seems like this your hubby. We had great friendship and would gist for hours. After a while I observed he wasn't emotionally/romantically inclined. He wouldn't hold hands or do hugs, and still wouldn't even type romantically in text or use love emojis. No loving or romanitc words of affirmation, no warmth, just normal gist all the time and motivational words of affirmation when needed. We were quite close, but no emotional intimacy. (We were both celibate so couldnt be physically intimate). It was very weird for me so I invited a therapist. And then I told myself why bother for someone you are not married to, why not leave? Luckily, we later broke up due to him.
DeleteBut out of curiosity, how is s3x life with your spouse? One thing that bothered me was how this would play out in marriage in terms of physical intimacy. Grateful we went our separate ways but still curios for people with such personality.
Phrizzles is just saying what most women whose husbands cheat does in return. Abeg free her
DeleteLet's not pretend that revenge sex is not the order of the day with most women married to cheats. Let stella create an Anonymous post now of women cheating in revenge. You will see comments that will make phrizzle's post not to shock you anymore.
Dear Push Up, @17:20 essentially only asked a question to learn.
DeleteAt least there is a comment supporting that some women would be happy with what @17:01 has.
Believe it that each person has what emotional involvement means as each marriage is different.
And so long as a married person is sure his or her partner's lack of emotional involvement is not deliberate or diverted extra maritally, it is not worth taking a strong stand of abandoning the marriage emotionally while in it and at same time planning to the loss of the other partner.
Imagine a man raising his family the best way he knows while the wife is perfecting plans to go away with the children when they are independent.
Marriage is two people working together. Where a man is not emotional, the emotional woman should supply that in the marriage.
Oh, by the way, it may surprise you to know that men compromise in marriage. As hard as it is to believe, there are men who put up with wack sx just because of one reason or the other.
I felt really touched reading through this. Poster, I think Stella has given you a good advice. Please work with it. Some men can never be loyal even if you kill yourself for them. Sorry for what your husband is making you go through.
ReplyDeleteHmmm
ReplyDeleteIt's your choice to make
It's either you still stick to your marriage or move on ahead for your sanity
Ever since mine cheated on me and I caught him,he pleaded for forgiveness, but I know he will do it again,I developed a strong heart for him,I'm quietly making my relocation plans with the kids,with his money .By the time I move,I will serve him divorce papers so he can be free,me too will be free to move on.
ReplyDeleteIf he’s good with the kids, don’t leave yet. It’s not easy raising kids in a new environment trust me. Set your emotions aside and think about the kids as well. Let them grow up enough to at least be independent before making a move. Some of these men are fcked up in the head and don’t really know how to treat a woman well. we women also need to learn not to rely completely on them emotionally because they DON’T. Think strategically before leaving.
DeleteGive him a chance since you forgave and he’s trying to fix it
DeleteNot all guys cheat again
You planning your move like Katie Holmes. One minute Tom was jumping on a couch, the next he was silent as a mouse🤣🤣🤣
DeleteI just laugh whenever I read women here saying they are making plans to leave or relocate cos of a cheating husband. You will leave, to be with a faithful lesbian for the rest of your life or a faithful fcuk boy/man or another cheating married man? I always laugh, truly. Most of writing all of these lack wisdom.
Delete5:35 Same way a man too will say he is leaving to go and marry, a semi-retired hookup girl who is on vacation, or end up with a side chick being run by several married men. The street is crazy. God help the faithfuls.
DeleteThe truth is it is going to be very difficult for a man to be 100% faithful to only one woman, all through the days of their life. Men are wired different from women. The difference is in the act that follows the cheating.
ReplyDeleteAfter a while, with all this hyper sexualised world we live in, and the shameless women that now go after men they perceive to be doing well, it would be hard for the man not to slip @ least once, during the marriage. Men hardly hardly hardly ever say NO to a woman, especially a woman they find attractive.
Secondly, look at the decay going on now, it is all happening all at once and very fast, people openly sleep with other ppl’s husband, a seed is sown and most ppl congratulate the partners, all in the name of being woke. Most of the time, that is another woman’s husband the girls are sleeping with, if he impregnates her, that is when we hear, if he doesn’t they continue fornicating, while the rest of them keep congratulating the lady, the wife like you, stays home and feel hopelessness and sadness.
Dear poster, if you can endure, stay and remove ur mind from him and just do the marriage. If you can’t you know ur way out. However, i should tell you, some men outgrow this cheating behaviour and others, till old age that is why we have the term: sugar daddy.
Finally, it is military out there. Most of them cheat, in one way or the other. Like BB says here all the time, na the one wey dem catch, be thief. Goodluck!
Women are not wired difft we just face worse consequences for cheating
DeleteIf this was a man that got cheated on, he would probably have ended the marriage by now
Men are wired differently than women? Nobody is wired differently we are all sexual beings.
DeleteIt's like you haven't seen hotter men that will make you drool and your eyes almost pop out from admiration. Everyone gets a roving eye abeg. God and self-control are what are holding the decent ones back.
Men are wired differently in the sense that, they don’t think with just emotions. They think more logically than women. I’ll say It’s the same when women put emotions aside and also think logically like these men. Would have saved women a lot of heartache/heartbreak honestly. We’re more emotional being due to our nurturing nature and having kids. believe it or not.
DeleteGuys calm down, what i mean by women are wired differently is that, for the pleasure of 3 mins sex, a man can do anything. Meanwhile a woman would consider so many things before indulging, her kids, her parents and so many things. Secondly, a man can have an erection even when he doesn’t feel anything for the lady, meanwhile a woman would hardly even get wet for a man that she isnt attracted to.
DeleteFor those of u saying we all have roving eyes, yes we do, and we see fine men most of the time, but how many women actually act on that? Do you go around collecting their number? Compare it wt men, they see a fine lady, and boom, most times they even go after her.
The truth is, most women are monogamous. Give her affection, show her love, provide for her and she would be for keeps. Ask the men what they want, even them cannot answer.
Anon 17:49 it seems you are talking about the women of old. These 21st-century women Nah, you are so wrong.
DeleteThey just want variety. I use to think like you before till I realised that most are even worse than men.
You don't need to collect numbers as long as you are beautiful it doesn't even matter if you are married oo men will run after you.
You don't even have to chase that much, just give the green light how many can resist a woman's offer or advances?
You are a very decent woman that is why you see making a first move as a big deal. This one that sex is everywhere and people are having one-night stands, sex with benefits with fellow married men.
I listened to a radio station one day and almost fainted. Married women called in and were confessing and those women did not consider anyone but their private parts.
They asked them if their husband did them wrong they said no, those women just wanted a different d***
Anon 18:15 the obsession with d*** is just so sad 😭😭. Like how they're obsessed with d*** is shocking. They just want a new one. I was shocked when a woman said that 😳😳😳. You don't consider the feelings of the person it is attached to? This generation ehn it's now both gender that's running this CHEAT-A-TON 🤐🤐
Delete18:15 women are cheating more most likely for money’s sake. The country is hard… women cheat don’t get me wrong. But in a country that’s sane and most people have their jobs and can earn money without men, women will cheat less trust me. Naija own na different situation. People are suffering plus we now have social media age where people see flashy things and pressure is a lot. Hmmm forgettttt.
DeleteHonestly, unless men are cheating with their fellow men, that argument that men cheat more make me laugh. Men are cheating with women, in it? So you think the women they are with don't have partners too? Of course they do... unless they are cheating with prostitutes and even prostitutes have partners and hide their work from their partners
DeleteBut yeah you are right that a lot of transactional s3x go on in Nigeria due to a tough economy.
DeleteThank you @22:55.
DeleteI have asked that question here several times without answers: Who men cheat with?
The joke was made here some time ago - the men are the cheats marriage, but the women complain the most in marriage when DNA is suggested.
Leave and find a new husband. Whoever says there's no love out there is joking. And oh by the way, there are SEXUALLY DISCIPLINED men en masse outside.
ReplyDeleteDo this if cheating is a deal breaker. Because cheaters are disgusting.
Please don't blame yourself. It's not your fault. Speak to a therapist and leave the Union.
There are sexually disciplined men out there. Gbam 👏🏾 Not all men cheat.
Delete"There are sexually disciplined men out there. Gbam 👏🏾 Not all men cheat."
DeleteTrue. And they are the ones most taken for granted by wives. As per say "he no go fit do anything; he no get the liver; he dey fear God; or he dey respect himself; bla bla" until the man falls in the hands of a very street wise woman who knows how to handle his type. Then the blame game starts - I thought..., he pretended; I was blinded sided; he must have been doing it all these years but I did not snoop; I snooped but he hid it very well, bla bla..
I can understand how you feel, I’ve been there before but you know what elders advised me to stay and not leave because kids were involved. My husband is responsible and pays all the bills. He’s very helpful around the house but after the episodes of cheating, I spend his money well and make myself happy but I’m still in the marriage, I’m not so happy to be honest because I prefer a honest and faithful man . but can I raise the kids alone? No, I can’t to be honest.
ReplyDeleteIt’s not about money because I have a good job, the kids behave well because they fear him. I have resolved within myself that I will make myself happy no matter what.
Do what you feel is good for you, it’s a huge and personal decision.
I think it’s easy to use kids as the excuse for stayijg
DeleteI wish you were happier for all you sacrificed.
DeleteI wrote something similar up there as well. A lot of women stay if they’re not financially capable or the men are great with the kids because at the end of the day, having a male figure in the home alone straightens up the kids. That male figure plays a huge part trust me ladies. Unless the man is physically and emotionally abusive, then by all means please leave immediately.
DeleteIf he’s a good provider and good with the kids but can’t hold his dick, dear poster, start detaching yourself emotionally. With time you’ll be fine. Have a strong social support and refocus that energy on God, yourself, career and your kids. Men are human being just like us. Only difference is dick and they’re wired differently than us women. Most hardly go in completely 💯 emotionally because men think more logically and we think more emotionally. Once you realize you can’t rely emotionally on a cheating man, one needs to change the mindset and also detach emotionally and think more like a man. It takes time (especially now that you’re pregnant with all these additional hormones), but absolutely doable. Take your time and process your feelings well without making any decisions in a Hurry. Your best bet is to detach emotionally so you’ll be able to see clearer and raise emotionally balanced kids.
When the kids are grown enough, then plan accordingly and leave if you’re still in the mind set because by then, you for don strengthen your emotions well to the point where you won’t really need a man anymore. Notice how men(not all) re marry almost immediately if they divorce, or separate or wife dies. Also notice, how women (not all) take their time or don’t bother to remarry? A lot of women have either seen shege and not just in the mind set to deal with any man and their wahala anymore and just prefer the alone time because they must have develop and strengthen their emotions to the point where they don’t need men anymore. Unless the woman is not financially capable then she might want to get married again. This is why women need to empower themselves financially. Trust me, men need us more than we need them. Have that at the back of your mind. A wise man will take care of his wife. A foolish man won’t. Ps: at the end of the day, marriage no dey heaven o. So if you’re a Christian, just focus on your spiritual life and making heaven and build your kids on the spiritual path so they also can make heaven. Continue to pray for your husband to be saved so he makes heaven too. Start praying this prayer moving forward. “God please fill any void in me because only you can fill the void in me and give me every lasting peace of mind and not a man or anyone. This prayer goes a longggg way. It did for me. Peace and love to you. ❤️
It’s sad that these men would rather build a better relationship with their kids than their spouse. Why?!??? Kids that will eventually move on with their own lives and have their own families. It’s crazy to me. I don’t get it. I guess it’s easier for them maybe?🤷🏽♀️ men answer this question biko.
Delete17:10 Are you seeing it? A woman should detach emotionally? An emotional being for that matter. Is that not like telling her to cut off oxyg
DeleteI just hope those lovely women who were cheated upon try their best to raise godly sons who would do their further wives right.
Detach yourself emotionally, make plans and leave later on in the marriage? At what age? After the kids are grown and left home? Do these make sense? I pity all these statements from young women that lack wisdom. Even if you are financially independent as a woman and leave a cheating husband, you no go chop gbola again till you die? Gbola of who na? A fcuk boy or another cheating married man or irresponsible divorcee? Nonsense and ingredient!
DeletePoster if you walk out of your marriage because of cheating please don’t even bother to remarry cos another pretender may sneak into your life and at the end you’ll be disappointed.
ReplyDeleteI once had a boss that seemed perfect, I always envy his wife and pray God should give me a husband like him. This is my direct boss so I assume I know all about him. This man comes to work in the morning and close late in the evening. No woman has ever come to look for him except his wife and kids. He acts like a church guy, very decent even in his conversations.
I had a colleague that’s my friend and I always tell her that I wish to marry a decent man like our boss.
One day, I borrowed my colleague phone to snap cos her phone camera quality is very good. As I was snapping myself a message that came into her phone from my boss started with baby”😳 I quickly opened the WhatsApp and I read the dirtiest conversation between the two. My perfect boss and my friend has been fucking under my nose. I didn’t recover from the shock till I left the job.
Fan Emmanuel
E shock you??? 😂😂
DeleteAs a man, are all men wired to cheat? I'll say yes. Do all men cheat? I'll say no. Choosing to be faithful is a core value that defines the character of a man. That is to say that the man who is faithful is not faithful because of his wife. No. He CHOOSES to be faithful inspite of her.
ReplyDeleteFaithfulness is not for boys. It is only for the truly strong of men. It is the fullest expression of love from a man to a woman. It is a sacrificial expression of love. See, a man who truly loves you can never cheat on you. Because he has given himself all to you. He has eyes that can see only you. He doesn't tell you he loves you. He shows you he does. Few men can do this.
Poster, I won't advise you to leave your home. Yes there are men who don't cheat but what are your odds of finding them? Take your time, focus on your self and reevaluate everything. It is not your fault he cheated. It will not be your fault when he cheats tomorrow.
I am a man.
DeleteMen are not wired differently as far as sx immorality matters are concerned.
Not all men have the urge to cheat. Some men do not even like women to the extent of having two women around them in any form of personal relationship. Some men that stripped to the essence, there is no difference between one woman and another so there is no need to trouble themselves over women matters.
The best gift and expression of love a man can give to his wife. ✊✊✊
DeleteMy dear anonymous that just corrected the impression that men are not wired differently and truly understands that a man doesnt need more than one woman and you are not about sex but quality relationship. Please if you are single kindly reply Stella with your telegram handle. I am taking a screenshot of my reply as proof. This is 17.39
DeleteGbamsolutely.
DeleteDear @18:40, I am married.
DeleteFear men o.
ReplyDeleteE get why.
Truth is that 100% of married men will cheat if they feel they can cover it up and have a willing cheating partner who wouldn't attach strings to their rendvous.
Men just want to eat their cake and still have it.
You are absolutely right.
DeleteYou see the way people talk about men are wired to cheat dey vex me cos no be animals dem dey cheat with.
ReplyDeleteMost times when these men brag about being polygamous in nature is when they are hurting a woman. When they jam polygamous women like them they hate her with passion ,calls her all sorts of demeaning name.
Temptations come to all and sundry, nobody is excluded.
Anytime you see a woman comfortably agreeing to men are polygamous in nature, she cheats too. So no big deal.
Cos women are wired to be jealous, even in polygamy, they want their husband to themselves only.
Our forefathers were polygamous not cheats, they marry women not cheating.
But the truth is polygamous women are the exception. They are not the general rule. Why people keep saying men are polygamous is that rules are made on generality not on exceptions.
DeleteEven countries that allow women to marry more than one partner, please read up, how many of them really practice it? Cos by nature, a woman is mostly monogamous.
Did u know that even biologically, from a certain age, a woman’s libido goes down to almost non existent, how about the men? Go figure.
Anon. 17:54, when you see these old prostitutes, even as a grandmother ,they still do.
DeleteWomen are meant to belive that sex is for procreation only.
It is these series of heartbreaks from cheating that gave birth to LGBT community and all these threesome, quadruplesome and many more some.
Even in countries where monogamy is practiced ,men are ashamed of cheating when they do so.
Read up with all the polygamy most Africa men brag about,they are 50 percent likely to have prostate issue more than their white counterparts.
All I know, this woke generation will one day need genuine love, trust and loyalty but won't find because these virtues have been sacrificed on altar of our selfish desires and indiscipline.
When we talk about spiritual aspect nko.
Women kpekus are stronger than men gbola, that's why strong men use them to build empire while the lady think she is cashing out, and one weak man will go in and his destinies will go down the drain.
Infact let's keep supporting nonsense, I work in lab, the kind of STIs outside,throughout this month, mostly pregnancy tests by young and single girls, some dating married men. That they will be begging you to write positive for them ,they want to cash out cos the man no wan mk his wife know.
The level of infertility going on now will triple cos if 100 men come for sperms analysis, 87 is infertile.
Wives are crying of not getting pregnant after one or two, oga is cheating with a side chic that is dating other 5 married men plus single guys hoping for marriage.
For polygamous men that lick side chic plate cos she is peaceful and neat( she always buy new pant and bra from money she collects from men), I saw one throat case this week, infact the man village people paid him a visit, not bacteria but virus.
Sorry for the long write up, cos for us in medical lab, seeing cases as results of infidelity weakens me, something that can be avoided.
You will want to scan a woman, the kind of rashes around her pelvic region, gotten from infection from her husband, funny thing most of these men will not treat their infections, but keep acquiring and infecting their wives cos aside gonorrhoea, men most times don't get any symptoms.
Poster, did you marry as a virgin during your peak days ? If yes then I hope you heal fast and all and you deserve thr best of comfort and healing from this betrayal...but if you not a virgin...and you tasted lots of divks before marriage...just understnd no one is perfect...and forgive..and build your home because both of you see equal..only that his is coming after you supposedly retired from the game
ReplyDeleteBig lie. It's all about discipline. I don't support sex before marriage but there are men that had that life style and once they got married realised it is a commitment and they are disciplined.
DeleteWomen after sleeping around in there young days are looking for faithful husband make you na de play
DeleteThis is why I do not support any rush to get pregnant once married, unless you have already passed the prime age. If you can, wait even two years to see what your marriage is made of before adding a child into the mix.
ReplyDeleteMonogamy is God’s plan. Monogamy is the best option to protect against diseases and gives you the ability to grow together in strength. Adultery has always been classified as a sinful act. Adultery has never been given any honour in the eyes of the creator. There are millions of men on this planet who have never cheated on their wives. Yes, it is possible for a married man not to cheat.
Focus your mind on the child growing inside of you. That fetus is absorbing all of your energy, good and bad. Before the child is born they are being formed by the energies swirling around in your mind or body. If you cannot have the peace of mind needed for your baby to grow in peace and joyfulness, then as Stella said, find another environment that brings peace. Out of sight, out of mind. You can think about your marriage after the baby is born.
Oh I wish I could like this comment a million times. I see people who are gunning for immediate pregnancy when they just get married. Wait first and see what the marriage is made up of.
DeleteYes there are millions of men that have not cheated on their wives.
These men are never loyal.
ReplyDeleteI have 3 close male friends(no strings attached), we discuss everything, Business, job,relationships, and they are all married.
Man no 1 tells me how his wife doesn't like sex anymore after their first birth, and how he goes out trying to makeout with his ex who is still single and who was his longtime crush. In his words, ex too get shakara and has big eyes that was why he looked for alternative to marry. I ask why can't you take ex completely out of the picture, and focus on your wife,? He says congi na bastard. And he simply can't get over his ex.
Man no2 Wife has 4kids all female and he works outside the country, he is willing to make his ex a 2nd wife cos he is rich and can afford it, he plans to take 2nd wife to his workstation. Ex was the babe he felt was too expensive for him(he ghosted her for no reason,he feared she could cheat)he now wants her now that he is now rich. Guy leave woman matter, he says he doesn't care what anyone says, all he needs is a yes from ex. Ex is having a ball, siphoning money from him left right amd center, he is waiting for a yes.
Man no3. Married a church girl introduced to him by pastor. While at that same time he was in a relationship that was ending cos his babe cheated, and at the same time he met another babe that he really loved, but bcos of the situationship with the babe that cheated the new babe wasn't ready to commit to him yet, and at that same time his pastor came with prophecy of him marrying the church girl and he foolishly accepted. Now he can't get over the other babe that he truly loves.
Meanwhile wife feels he is the perfect husband, while he can't stop entering the other babes business, good thing the babe is not down for his plan to bed her.
Now tell me this guy will not cheat if given the opportunity.
All I can say is women be weary of your husband who is still communicating with his ex. I can now conclude that any man still talking to his ex is not to be trusted. He will cheat and continue cheating.
Wetin I dey even talk sef. My sister husband cheated on my sister with his ex.
His claim was that she helped him get a big contract and he couldn't say no to her.
Some women don see sha, he apologised.
The battle too much jare.
Me sef don dey fear marriage.
You spoke the absolute truth. The only criterion right now for the men to cheat is money. Once ur man hold side, he can comfortably spend not just on basics but luxury too, he drives a fine car with a good phone, my sister ee don set.
DeleteAll of u shouting white men this, white men that, please go and read up, join forum where real people share their stories and read how the white men too cheat with reckless abandon. Dama those ones kuku no know God and they are shameless. Sex has always been just a biological something for them, unlike us that still treat it as sacred.
Reading the comments were even more painful than the chronicle, so many endurance marriages abound. I wish everyone all the best. For the person with the emotionally detached spouse, my heart goes out to you. Me that is so touchy feely and affectionate would wilt like a dried up flower in such a union. Kudos to you for the inner strength you possess, you are stronger than even you know.
ReplyDeleteMay everyone experiencing marriage exhaustion, detached marriages, painful unions find the strength they need and the wisdom required to do what is right for them. For the children growing up in these homes, I hope the hand of God will protect them from the negative energies around them and give them a more joyful story. Even in hell, hope is possible for redemption.
It's so sad 😭😭😭😭. Many endurance marriages.
DeleteGod What happened to love? What happened to sacrificial love?
Mehn Kendrick Lamar's "Father Time" just comes to my mind especially where he said ;
"LET'S GIVE THE WOMEN A BREAK, GROWN MEN WITH DADDY ISSUES"
So many damaged men. So sad 😭
Why are you crying sir/ma ? Me that gives my husband condom to cheat because I can’t take his big gbola alone nkor . Abeg stop this crying emoji because you’re not really crying
DeleteNo man thinks about what will happen to him if he leaves a cheating woman even though he knows lots of women cheats. He doesn't tell himself to stay back because the next woman may be worse. He just ups and leaves deluding himself into meeting a better woman in the future. I use the word, 'delude' because, to a larger extent, there is nothing outside. A lot of people lack scruples and morals and this has nothing to do with gender, it is just the way the world is right now. The way some men get to keep their sanity is to delude themselves into thinking they are the only ones that cheat while married and their wives are saints if not, marriages will be extinct. This blog is women populated hence you don't get to hear the sacrilege most married women perform. So it's not a man thing anymore. The world has gone crazy and may God keep the sane ones. If you even check well you may find out some of the women he cheats with are married too.
ReplyDeleteMy advice; you wear the shoe, you know where it pinches so do what is right for you! I for one will never advise anyone to stay with a cheat because I will never advise anyone to stay with someone they hate. A cheating partner is hated by their spouse.
Suddenly everyone is against adultery. No one is calling anyone a judginna and screaming don't judge. No one is saying we are all sinners so don't cast a stone and try so hard to silence anyone.
ReplyDeleteI said it here, the only sin people make excuses for is fornication and that is the only sin they defend but they berate adultery meanwhile adultery is the elder brother of fornication. Adultery is the upgraded version.
Suddenly those who do not judge fornication are now getting angry at the man. suddenly sinners are now allowed to judge their fellow sinners, right?
It will make sense if this same energy is used to berate fornication. If fornication is dealt with there won't be adultery in the first place. Who will those who want to commit adultery sleep with, in the first place?
Most people would have also gotten accustomed to sleeping with only their husbands and wives since they never slept with anyone before marriage. But you people are not ready for the discussion.
Poster, your marriage is still young and I can tell from your writeup that man is not good for your mental health. You are so down, unhappy and sound miserable so please put yourself first and do whatever is best for you. Someone who does not love God enough to keep his legs closed cannot love you enough. I can't advise you to stay in a loveless marriage because I know at this point you don't love him anymore. If I can't advise someone to marry someone they don't love why would I advise them to stay in a loveless marriage?
I don't blame you because those kinds of people do not even love themselves or want to be loved. They love themselves too much that they can dish it but can't take it. They have a superiority complex even though they are trash. If you were the one who cheated he would have flung you out the roof since.
Anyways, In the Bible adultery is a nice ground for divorce so do you. He doesn't care about you, nor your pain.
I wish we could have this conversation truly.
DeleteAdultery, the Older brother of fornication.
Deep.
How do you control human behaviour? Even in countries where fornication is illegal are there still not those fornicating? Even God who has known humankind from the very start cannot control human behaviour, so how do you with your few years of life propose to do it? You think 80 years of life is anything to understand this earth, life, and humans? You are but a baby in life. The only person any of us have the power to control is ourselves. You think what you propose has not been done before? Like I said, even God gave up on trying to control or guide humans a long time ago, even God can’t handle human stress. But you have the solution🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeleteI loved my husband with my life. He hurt me over and over made me feel so worthless. It took five years of trauma before I totally detached. I like him more like a brother. I only focus on my hustle because he is such an ambitiousless human, who will look for the next girl to cheat with if 100k enters his account. I run the home, pay fees because I don’t want to even deal with trauma of trying to get money from him. I’ve lost hope In having love again in life. Maybe or maybe not I’ll die like this in my old age. Why am I still here in the marriage,I don’t even know. It’s same story every where, then maybe it actually rains everywhere. For now I am undecided maybe because I am so engrossed in my business to make life changing decisions. I never get that time. But I think someday……,
DeleteAnon 19:42, did I type this or you did?....lol. for me, my horseband is cheating, very jealous of my progress and liaises with his foolish family to pull me down. Anyways, one day, I had a meeting with myself, I realised that a divorce is not my solution (considering the age of the Kids). First, trauma from repeated abuse from inlaws (horseband's brother is shamelessly obsessed with me), cheating from horseband etc made me detach emotionally, so these issues made my decisions easier to live with. From the meeting I had with myself, I concluded that 1.he is better off hanging around and helping with one or two chores; this gives me the time to focus on myself and career. 2. He picks some bills (abroad 50:50 bill sharing things), that also gives me extra cash. I figured out that a divorce will make him bitter, and so he would be mandated by law to do the required minimum for the Kids ( I want better for my Kids jare, no be them send me go made nonsense horseband choice).3. I really dont have time for the paper works etc. involved with divorce just now. In summary, for me, it is a win win situation at the moment, as I am seriously busy with career, business and Kids. Hopefully, by the time my career gives me some space, the Kids would have been independent and I would have a second meeting on whether to find love or not. For now, legs closed and focus is on my overall well being and making money.
Delete18:53 God is not controlling human behaviour because he gives freewill. He wants us to love him and obey him out of our own accord.
DeleteHe can control humans but he won't. The same way he controls your birth country, the parent that sire you etc he doesn't want to control human behaviour because he wants you to come to him by yourself without force or pressure just pure love but ignorant abuse that love to their own ruin. Look around you to see the fruits of such rebellion.
Nobody is saying you should control human behaviour at all. Even though you admit You can't control human behaviour with the the fews years proposed to you on earth. If you live for the 80 years why live in pain to yourself and others when you could live a holy life? Why live life like you won't die? Why live life like there is no heaven and hell? Why live life like eternity is a myth? Just for a few pleasures that is ephemeral? How stupid right? Acting anyhow because you feel no one can hold you accountable when you will be held accountable the moment you die. God gave up control but when people die he waits for them at his throne of judgement so did he really give up control? When he is waiting for everyone in the afterlife?
Fornication, adultery, what have anyone gained from it? We read chronicles here everyday, we see the sad fruits those engaging in it bears. Shame, guilt, unwanted pregnancy, abortion, disease, broken marriages, divided home, broken hearted kids, bothered ex partners, divorce and so on.
It seems to have given up and lost hope but the discussion can be had for the present and the upcoming generation. Parents should try and bring up godly kids, let them know the negatives effects of sin as a whole, especially sexual immorality because that is where the bad seed of adultery is sowed. Remember this Bible verse, that says, "Bring up a child in the way he or she should go..... Even though some kids may still fall out on morality along the way. There would be more than enough grown adults who thrive to serve God in their lives, career and marriages and chronicles such as these would be minimised. Life was never meant to be this hard but sin made is so.
This cheating thing...I just don't know. If a man cheats once and is sorry about about it when caught,I can understand that and say forgive him and try to move on. But cheating constantly,with several women? That is the one I still can't figure out. I have come to understand that sometimes the cheating is just sex/lust,no real or strong emotions involved. Just opportunity meets lust meets lack of self-control. We can forgive and forget that,right? But when you are now "in love" with the side piece,that's where the problem lies.
ReplyDeleteChai!
ReplyDeleteI came late..
Omo, so long as you no marry as virgin and bride price was paid to marry you, na you first cheat the man oh..
Anyway, me I no kuku dey lie or pretend so no one would say I hurt or deceive her.. I no dey promise wetin I no fit keep.. I'm not these S! MP/Morden men that claim to be monogamous and sneak around to fvck.. but I noticed most women don't like the truth, they'll believe those lying guys and them come and cry later.. everyone knows where me I stand sha.. nobody can call me a cheat cos I'm not😁
You see why I said na isi adiro gi mma ,as in as far as a girl it's not a virgin na she first cheat, is the man a virgin, virginity is it reserved only for women, you re nothing but onye ara gba oto, onye ara Akwaette ,you opened a post no contribution na wa for you change how old are you again.
DeleteNa wa
My husband is a serial cheat. He cheats on me for a living. House Helps and street girls are not excluded. His weapon is denial. Even if you hv a clear evidence, he would deny it and walk away in anger. Hebis unremorseful and unrepentant about it. His family are always ready to defend and surpport him. We are like 13 years in marriage. I cant explain what i hv for him anymore. But i know my ex is always on my mind. I want to cheat for a living as well. He wont even find out if i start cheating bcos we are not connected enough. Yes we always hv sex and i initiate it most times. I love sex not that i love him so im ready for sex with him anything. But ask me if i love him, my ans is capital NO. I wish to be free someday. I will not take my kids away from him. Those kids love him alot. Taking them away from their Dad is dangerous. Those kids are the reason i will stay for now.
ReplyDeleteHope the sex is with condom for him to be cheating with anything and you re there cos you love sex ,since you re enduring ensure well o but no go carry STI,
DeleteYou don't wish to be free, you enjoy it. You won't fuck a man you don't love.
DeleteKING XOXO MYSTERY
See all of them saying kids kids as if they really love them just their selfish interest
ReplyDeleteYes i really love my kids and would do my best for them. They love their father more than me though. Its something i find so strange but its the fact. See where they are apologising on behalf of their father ehhh. My last child can not stand not seeing Mum and Dad 2geta though.
DeleteMonogamy for Oyibo is man and woman one at a time. If you are afraid of divorce, don't come and disturb our peace please. Do it the way Oyibo does monogamy--divorce and remarry until you get the perfect one. Elon Musk has been divorced 3x and it is ok by Oyibo standard as long as it is monogamy
ReplyDelete