Lets gist
Saturday, May 06, 2023
Saturday In House Gists - Best Ways To Deal With/ Handle Troublesome In Laws
The headline is self explanatory...
Do you have a story that fits with the headline? Can you tell us how you handle your difficult in laws?
67 comments:
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Last year my husband's niece came to stay with us for youth service. Babe was just behaving like she was in a hotel. She'll eat and leave the plates for me to wash, she doesn't help out with anything in the house. She comes back from wherever she went to locks herself in her room not minding if my kids wanted to spend little time with her. Hmmmm, I wasn't happy but didn't complain because her mother was a nice woman. Couldn't take it for anymore after a while,one day I had to voice out to my husband, he now watched for sometime then called the attention of the girl's mother to what her daughter does. The mother told him that's how she is, that she's a dirty and lazy girl and she(her mother) knew the reason she decided to stay in our house amongst all 3 uncles and aunts she has in Lagos for the period of her service year was because we tolerated her excesses. She said she'll talk to her, she probably did, but the change didn't last for a month, madam went back to format. I just had to manage and be patient till when she leaves. That was how it was till she left in January
ReplyDeleteCan I ask why you didn't just address her attitude with her directly?
DeleteHow do people live in someone house and not be of help. Like how? Even if I'm going for a short stay my impact must be felt. Because, I feel indebted and ready to show my gratitude by helping. If you're reading this and probably like this, please change.
DeleteWell done for not addressing her and leaving it to your husband.
DeleteWisdom is profitable to direct.
Mystique, I needed my husband to address the issue himself because I noticed he was always going around in circles when it came to addressing the issue with her.
DeleteLeaving it to husband is find but calling her mum without first addressing her wasn’t cool
DeleteAtleast the girls mom was reasonable and didn't try to justify her daughters actions.
DeleteAnon 20:45, there was nothing wrong with her calling mum first. Okay.
DeleteThe best way is to press the ignore button
ReplyDeleteOne thing about them is that you can't please them
So do your best and leave the rest
Mother-in-law told me to my face that she hates me and my tribe(idoma). And that was even on the first time i went to see her and make my intentions known regarding her daughter. She isn't educated so i thought to let it slide.
ReplyDeleteA year into the marriage, I noticed that she wanted to control my wife and my wife's siblings wanted to become too familiar with whatever was going on in my home.
How did i deal with that shit? I gave my in-laws staying with me a deadline to leave my home. My brothers-in-law got a stern warning from me regarding ever exceeding their boundaries ever again. As for my mother-in-law, I totally cut her off.
I don't look for trouble but if you cross me, I am a beast. I know that part of me so i tend to tolerate a lot of rubbish. Some in-laws need to be kept at extreme distances and total cutting off if you can help it. May God help you never to marry into a family that is a coven of wickedness.
Damm
DeleteThanks for sharing
Won’t even say anything to them. I kuku be chief reporter. Will just report to my husband and have him deal with it before they will see the amazingly rude side of me
ReplyDeleteThis is because you married a real man and not a mumu.
DeleteMe na ignore mood I dey give them and space
ReplyDeleteMine was easy! Inlaws turned my home to a motel, didn't have privacy. Ordered senna leaves, cooked it and used it for vegetable stews, poured the liquid in teas, practically used the leaves and liquid for breakfast lunch dinner. They sha reduced their visits n stopped coming cos na diarrhoea get them non stop. Rumours going around till today is that my food causes severe runny stomach. Who cares? We have our peace biko
ReplyDeleteWhat a drastic measures 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣.
DeleteYou could have killed someone with an allergy! Mba nu. This is extreme but well...as long as you are free of them right? Shebi una see am? If to stay your house dey hard you, you go jam diarrhoea cook one day.
Delete😂😂😂😂
DeleteJehovah 🤣🤣🤣🤣. You say???
DeleteWhat did I just read
But what did they do to you na?
Oh just saw that they turned your home into a motel
DeletePele
Mma Nwachukwu
Omg, can't stop laughing 🤣🤣🤣
Delete🤣🤣🤣
DeleteMy God!!!!😂😂😂😂😂😂😂. Desperate times calls for desperate measures 😂😂😂😂😂
Deletehahaha
Delete🤣🤣🤣, allergy kor , allergy ni.
DeleteMy MIL is a difficult woman. I buy her gifts occasionally and she will tell me to my face she doesn't like them and gave it out to someone else. It hurts but I just keep my calm and continue to buy little things I can afford occasionally. I remember vividly when we wanted to relocate to the UK. She wasn't happy as she thought I made her son resign his very good job to start afresh in an unknown land. I came for my Masters but it was his idea we should all relocate. My SIL and weren't close but cordial. She suddenly changed and became distant. I have learnt that ignoring is the best thing. If someone doesn't like you, there's nothing you can do. Do your duty and face front. I don't force relationships, friends or family. I can't stress abeg
ReplyDeleteThat's it.
Delete😍😍😍😍😍.
DeleteRemain blessed 15:23. May your children-in-law shower you with all the love that your heart can hold. Keep giving them space for your own peace of mind.
My in-laws are like that too, you can't please them. We see, we smile, pretend, we say good bye and I face front. I have really tried 14 years, I no fit kill myself. I have never been rude to anyone but I was young and naive and I was showed pepper.
DeleteWhen I had my kids, I went into serious depression, my MIL came to help. I got better and wiser as the years passed.
They don't know anything about me, God is working wonders, trying to be close to me but na wisdom get me.
I can't type but God has been faithful.
Has the relocation proved a better choice? Or she was proved wiser?
DeleteYes 15:23, is the relocation now better than his job in Nigeria?
DeleteYes, he got a good white collar job 3 months after we got to UK. The work is hybrid and pays well. There are prospects for growth and I am glad he didn't have to change careers like a lot people do when they relocate. God has been faithful. I will say the job here is better because I get to see him much more and we are closer than ever. Infact he is more involved with the kids. Back in Nigeria, he makes the money but never at home. Job was too demanding and Lagos stress inclusive.
DeleteThat’s how life is in the abroad. When we were in Nigeria, hubby and I were never around. But in this UK, we are very involved in the lives of the kids.
DeleteDistance....distance works best...I don't call them.neithwr do I visit...I de my own....
ReplyDelete✅
DeleteWell, lucky you. I stayed away, I minded my business, buy they came to my home, both his father and mother, they came to fight me and ended my marriage. So, lucky you.
DeleteThere's no way you can please human. So the best way you can do it, do the ones you can do and don't kill yourself trying to please who do not need it. Ignore button does it
ReplyDeleteKeep a healthy distance to avoid see finish is the best policy.
ReplyDelete✅
Delete* Keeping
ReplyDelete* Keeping
ReplyDeleteMe I left their son for them to marry. Nothing I did was good enough. On top of it, the man was lazy and refused to work. I was just collecting insult for nothing. I moved on
ReplyDelete🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeleteLmao
DeleteSorry
If all women in such situationship can borrow sense and leave, e for good. Imagine being married to a lazy man and feeding him, yet his people are insulting you on top
Don't keep any distance or ignore anybody,it's your home so stay put and use this internal cohesion to fight off external agression from inlaws.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all be extra loving to your husband in and out o the bedroom,show that to the children and warn them to be polite towards your in-laws,while putting up a friendly facade,use their names every twelve midnight to 3am and fire prayers on their head,don't let hubby hear u praying against his relatives.
May God bless you, you've said it all 🙏🏾❤️
DeleteAll because of what?
DeleteSay you are married to a man?
Marriage and man some of us rubbish here almost every other day?
In-laws mo
@16:25 taaaah 🤣who taught you this secret,
DeleteI should loose sleep after a hard day's job because bof in-laws? God forbid.
DeleteNa to beg today's chronicle poster for the Psalms she used and do what she did. Let them use their heads to carry whatever stress they want to give me
I just report to my hubby. He knows how to put them in check.
ReplyDeleteJust ignore some things they do and flow with them,you cannot come and kill yourself....... Josaria
ReplyDeleteIgnore, stay farrr away from them, keep the communication and contact very minimal.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, some of the surest and best ways to "treat in-laws lovingly" (no be me go teach una how to "deal with" inlaws) are:
ReplyDelete1. Never ever pretend from day 1. If you love your space, make sure your fiancé and his people absolutely understand you before he graduates to become your husband.
2. Give respect and "receive" it in the same measure. If I greet an inlaw who answers with a grunt on two occasions, I no go greet you again. I will not report you but I go just hold my greeting. If you now coman report to my husband, ehn-hen! I go tell am say I no get time to waste greeting. Then I'll greet you the next time I see you as a sign of respect for my husband but if you try nonsense again, o ti lo. Maybe we go dey greet when we meet for heaven be dat.
3. If you have very mad in-laws, you only have one choice: DISTANCE. Apply social distancing and set clear boundaries. This only works for those who have sensible spouses though. If your spouse go gang up with him people against you, e don set for you be dat. I had a friend whose husband lodged in a hotel whenever his people visited. And he no go allow you enter kitchen in her absence. He'll tell you she has OCD and doesn't appreciate not coming back to how she left things in her house. He go dey order food for them. Even when they met her at home, she left in less than 30 minutes for an "urgent social or business function", dey there dey pepper yourself na. That has since changed after they applied common sense but that could never be me though. Commot for house because of troublesome inlaws? Try next door.
4. The first time I met my in-laws, I sensed there was no real warmth in the room, so in my typical upfront manner, I said: "I am about 3 years older than your son and brother and from xxx tribe but I can see that he truly loves me as much as I love him. However, if there is any member of this family who would rather not have me become a part of you, any reason or no reason at all is good enough for me to walk out the door today and never return. I'd hate to be the problem in your peaceful family." There was a brief moment of shocked silence before everyone in that room burst out laughing, my SIL most of all and she has remained my closest padi years after. Turned out my husband already told them I didn't censor my truth and I just proved it. I said what I said because I valued peace of mind above love. Love without peace is war and I no dey armed forces. So they had a clear picture of me from day one and we've been one sweet, imperfect, happy family since that day.
His immediate family no dey give me problem, shey na you wey come be extended/distant relative wan come dey shock yourself like electricity? Ka m nu kwa!
👍🥰
DeleteAmebonobiwork I love this.
DeleteAmebonawork,I don't know you but when I read towards the end of your experience, I fell in love with you,you are blunt to the core.Keep it up.Were you born in October?
DeleteLoooool if I tell you the story of my fathers evil family, their ego, their narcissism, their hate, their destructive attitude e.t.c. You will run.
ReplyDeleteI no send anybody; u show me love I show u love… u dislike me; I keep my distance…
ReplyDeleteProblem dey this world; can’t add in-laws join..
Be a person of real, contributory and co-dependent value.
ReplyDeleteMarry a person who share same values.
Agree with partner upfront on the place of In-laws in the marriage.
Remember that female doctor's chronicle? Her In-laws planned a second wife coup for her. She allowed the coup succeed to the loss of her husband and his sisters and maybe new wife because she knew her value in the marriage. No time for naked 3 hours prayers for nonsense.
Be a person of value beyond the usual. Your In-laws know any other person has the ordinary.
I am the anonymous 16:25 yes u need prayers,am also a very successful professional, most ill mannered inlaws love attacking the marriages of their sister in laws wey Sabi book and get money,to prove a point to their depraved minds that most educated, financially buoyant women can't keep a home. Most times they are fortified with jazz to make sure,all your book and civil manners is rubished, that's why I emphasized on prayers,you may think your dealing with your in laws but it will surprise you what your actually up against,it is through prayers and your good deeds you will overcome,the bible say the feverent prayers of the righteous availeth much,you can't fight this battle most times with common sense,a wicked inlaw doesn't reason at all talkless, of being civilized.
DeleteI should stay awake for three hours at midnight to pray against useless in-laws? Not me.
ReplyDeleteJust give them space.
Number one is that don't marry a mumu man that cannot support his wife when his people misbehave. A mumu man that they are still controlling, who cannot talk to his people. You go see shege.
My own husband does not joke with me where his people are, they see how he respects and loves me. So they are behaving well .
My sister, I tire.
DeleteNa negative headline on one of my big bank audit job suppose dey make me lose sleep. You want me to now add family to losing sleep in form of prayer?
Hmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteLearning
ReplyDeleteMy mother in law is an illiterate woman that has so much control over her only daughter.
ReplyDeleteImagine a woman encouraging her daughter to leave her matrimonial home. My brother in law said I married 2 wives and the behave alike. The story long. I just divorced her daughter and moved on.
I don't have too much energy mbok, silence and distance works perfectly for me.
ReplyDelete👌🏽
Delete