Hmmm...
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
USELESS HUSBAND
Good day,please I need advice from BV's.
I have been married for 3yeas + but I have never enjoyed the blessings of marriage, not that He Was forced to marry me or I took in for him before marriage..
we did our wedding and I have two kids for him the first born is getting to 3years but she hasn't started school and my husband is working and he's earning good money but he don't want to register her in any school all he does is to carry girls up and down and spend on them..
Now I am thinking of leaving this marriage cause i can't bear it anymore .
Secondly he is having an affair with his cousin and one of them accused him of r#ping her ..
This marriage is giving me depression and I feel like quiting ...
I am 24
I feel like starting life on my own i can't cope anymore...
I feel like starting life on my own i can't cope anymore...
Please i need your advice ...
If your husband doesnt want to use his money to register your kid in a school, dont you work?Or you just sit at home waiting for him to provide for you? Please if this is the case, do better....I cannot advice you to leave the Marriage cos it doesnt look like you can take care of y<ourself or the kids on your own financially...Empower yourself and get busy so that man matter will not give you depression...I am sorry if i sound harsh, I am upset reading this and how you depend on him...
Gbam.....
ReplyDeleteSo sorry sis. I am sure you would have made a better choice if only you waited to mature a bit more and develop yourself too.
DeleteAs for school for a 3 year old, I prefer to send my kids to school from age 4+ when they are able to talk and have built a certain level of immunity. They have the whole of their lives to worry about academics and scores. Let them enjoy and relax first.
Stella,who should she depend on? The kids are their responsibility. But since she can't. Why can't he??
ReplyDeleteBesides, is dating cousins the new thing now? Same thing my uni friend was gisting me . Nawa
Dear poster
DeleteYour husband is all levels of irresponsible, it doesn’t have anything to do with you being unemployed.
Okay, let’s say you have a job, how does that curb his uncontrollable desire for sex that he has to rape someone else.
We tend to victim blame, okay fine, you will be able to pay your child’s fees, but is that your sole responsibility? Let’s call a spade a spade.
My advice is, go back home, keep your kids with your parents while you go in search of a job, save from your job, get better certifications and grow up your field. When you are sufficient, get yourself a place.
If he changes fine but you shouldn’t be blamed for an irresponsible man, but what you can do is pick yourself up and forge ahead. Let no one dim your light and it’s never too late to pick up again
Push up (original)
Han Han mama Stella. This advice no enter na. How can a man not fend for his children even if he's Randy? Oga oh. At 24 you're still young oh. Japa immediately oh.
ReplyDeleteThis marriage is DOA. Chaii 😪😠ðŸ˜.
Asin enh
DeleteThe speed I’ll use to fly out of that marriage enh
🤣🤣
Life is fleeting, the longer you stay in an uncomfortable space the worse things get
Push up (original)
He is sleeping with his cousin??
ReplyDeleteReprobate.............
DeleteHow did you end up with such a man at just 24.
ReplyDeletePls women stop going into marriage without having a tangible source of income and having kids you can’t cater to because anything can happen really even death.
Pls remove your mind from that marriage and horseband and focus on building your self before leaving atleast that way you will be able to fend for yourself and the kids.
That means she was 21 years when she took in for him. Apparently, no one guided her at such tender age. Please empower yourself, upgrade, look good and be prayerful, your destiny is not in his hand.
DeleteShe was probably 20years old when she got pregnant. What is the point of getting married at 20. Well I dunno what to advise.
DeleteDear poster, leaving the marriage should be your last resort.
ReplyDeleteWhat have you done about your husband's behavior and attitude? It appears you two are young and the children came early. Thats fine. What plans did you have about their school? At what age would he rather put her in school?
Are you doing something to earn your own money?
Did you have counseling before you got married? Do you have mentors you talk to? It's time to talk to your mentors or someone he respects.
Someone needs to talk to him about his behavior and attitude?
You should also check yourself. There are two sides to a coin.
Calm down and think carefully, do everything you think you should do before you consider leaving him.
A womaniser can only change when he decides to change.
DeleteShe should check herself how?so its her attitude that is making him cheat with all and sundry? Its her attitude that is stopping him from sending his child to kindergarten?
Delete“What has she done about her husbands attitude” bawo
DeleteSheybe she’s his mother? Abi I don’t understand
She should check herself why he raped someone, abi why he is dating his cousins
My humble poster, you better smell out of that marriage, don’t even fight or argue
Just gather your things and leave
Push up (original)
The part of him sleeping with his cousin nko?
DeletePoster you are still young, press reset and leave that situationship, if you have supportive parents, please go back to them and stay, the next few years will be rough but it is better than staying with that useless man hoping and praying away your youth.
Women, we can do better for ourselves. What are you still doing in that man's life? What are you gaining in the relationship? Dey play u hear. Till he gives you one incurable disease before ur eye clear. He is sleeping with his cousin and u are sitting there answering Mrs. Very soon, he will sleep with his daughter. Keep answering Mrs. Nonsense. Tell yourself ... I deserve better.
ReplyDeleteHe no wan send him daughter go school, he is already showing signs he does not regard the girl.
DeletePoster, your write up showed me the kind of person you are. You want us to abuse your husband for you, abi?
ReplyDeleteIf you like divorce him, e no concern us.
Okpo he’s like this and you’ve already birthed 2 kids. Continue
ReplyDeleteYou're with a man who is having an affair with his cousin and is accused of rape by another cousin, and you're still there?
ReplyDeleteStella, abeg this your red pen no clear today!
ReplyDeleteIsn’t the man supposed to provide and take care of his family.
Even if the lady is working, it’s his responsibility!
Young lady, focus on yourself and your kids. And if you can’t cope, leave that house.
It's like you've not heard of the word "deadbeat fathers".
DeleteThis is why it's good to have your own money as a woman and NOT FULLY rely on a man. Do something no matter how small
Most women endure bull$hit in marriages because they are fully dependant on their horseband.
You should never be at the mercy of any human that's why it's good to have your own money and back-up plans as a married woman.
Poster, start looking for ways to squeeze out money from the feeding allowances he gives you, then you can start a business like
Selling bole with fish sauce/Roasted corn in your area, there's gain in that bole business, I patronise a seller close to me everyday with 1500k or 2500 at times, and likewise my colleagues and other customers. Calculate 1500 per 10 or more person per day,weeks and months, E go reach do one or two things.
You can gather money from there and start something bigger and then take care of your kids and not wait for your that man you call horseband.
You're too young for this wahala. Does he not have a family that you can report him to concerning child's school? Do you have a jobs? If you do, take care of your kid's registration. You need to speak with someone your husband respects either in his family or religious affiliation.
ReplyDeleteShe complained about:
ReplyDelete1. Lack of care in the marriage.
2. Infidelity.
3. Resultant disgrace and bad name to the family as the husband was accused of rape. A very grievious crime.
4. Incestuous relationship as he is having sex with his cousin.
5. Financial irresponsibility because he is spending on prostitutes money that he should invest in himself or family and children.
Again there is the fear of stds,infections and all manner of dirty things the man will expose the wife and ultimately the children to.
The ONLY thing you saw was to angrily bark' don't you work??
Plesse your calling is not to advise anyone Stella in any way, shape or form.
Please parents encourage your girl child to empower herself before getting married.
ReplyDeleteStella, your advice no follow at all!
Did we read the same chronicle???
He should face his responsibilities.
Chronicle Poster,
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for what you're going through. If I may ask, why would a man refused his own child going to school? Is he a northerner? Was there any reason(s) given for his action? Have you communicated this to your sponsors in marriage or even your family or his?
You just got into marriage and just 3yrs you're contemplating running out. This is very saddling.
This is one very good reason a woman need to be financial stable or mature going into marriage but some women won't adhere to it. Some always think marriage is an escape route from poverty.
Getting married at 21yrs was never bad but going into it without any tangible thing you're doing to make your own money is very wrong and a bad decision you took.
I think there are some more information you didn't give out in this narration. Don't you have family that can step in?
I forgot the cousin part. Pls this is an abomination and he should go for cleansing oo before he rope you into his curse.
DeleteTeejay, if they are from the northern part, then it's no abomination. I've attended nikah of a girl and her first cousin.
DeleteThe choice is yours to make.
ReplyDeleteYou can choose to either stay or so leave if you are up to the darn task
Did I read that your husband is dating his cousin? Aru!!! My dear, for me I can't stand a man that commits taboo in the name of marriage.
ReplyDeleteI still don't understand what you're doing in they situationship of a marriage
ReplyDeleteSo she should pay the children fees wby the so called husband carry girls up and down madam Stella. This your advice no yell. Even if she was working is she not to support the husband why should she be the one to pay the fees and from thos narration this is their first child. So the woman should bear the burden now. odiegwu ooo I'm out.
ReplyDeleteI don’t even understand
DeleteShould that be her responsibility even if she was earning money, should everything be on her head
Should a financial stable woman be with a reckless man? The root of the matter is his waywardness cus he has the money.
If he is providing for other family responsibilities except the school fees, I think you should do that one but if he doesn't provide any thing at all, I think it's time for you to review your marriage with him and know the next step you wanna take
ReplyDeleteYour husband sha, one of the useless ones around. Enrol the child in school and inform him, and stop to carry belle if he is that bad.
ReplyDeleteSometimes we just advise anyhow. This is how it starts she is told to pay fees today, tomorrow she would told to pay rent so that it would not look as of she is lazy then next tomorrow she will. start feeding the children alone and it becomes an endless cycle. Madam better don't start what you can't finish
ReplyDeleteHonestly that's how it starts ,there is one lady I know same age with her three kids ,fine pretty girl the only thing the man does is to come back from north impregnate her and run ,she is selling all manner of things to care for the children,why stay in a marriage when it's one sided only you shouldering all the responsibilities better run to your father's house.je is even committing incest thast a ground for divorce sef una life no dey sweet una , living with a man that committing taboo tmrw Teejay will say there is something the woman did mtcheww
DeleteThank you for this comment
DeleteThank you o
DeleteThank you
Cus it can never be me
She should take care of all the responsibilities as what? She’s his help mate, she should help but to be in charge of everything while he spends on outsiders is wrong.
No independent woman will be happy having to bear all the burden so the marriage will still end due to financial abuse and his infidelity
Push up (original)
3 years isn't too late for a child to start school. And more shockingly, you have spent 3 years in marriage and you still appear heavily dependent on your husband? He knows you are that's why he takes you forgranted.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you knew your husband was a womanizer before you married him. Why are you complaining now? I sense an absolute lack of communication in your marriage. You need to explore every conflict resolution channel before thinking of a divorce. You are not the only one in the picture anymore.
Whatever it is, I'll be lying to you if i tell you that your husband will change. Men like that don't. So focus on you, make yourself resourceful, invest in yourself and your children. Remember, happiness is a choice!
When I told people, that I needed a job, not just any job, but a stable source of income. They thought I was stupid.
ReplyDeleteAsk women that have become bread winners now. They are not enjoying it. it is no duty of a woman to become one. Women know this and know peace don't allow the society pressure you into such.
ReplyDeletehaba Stella that's harsh, madam abeg you no get family? please leave that marriage, don't you have family that will help you back on your fit? before you run into depression, person dey cheat with him cousin, the disprect you, you still dey there, go back to your family and get a job please.
ReplyDeletefeet
Deletefeet
Deletedisrespect
He has never loved you. He married you because you are pregnant or out of pressure from his family or yours. Most men might not like there wife but they don't play with their children. He is not only a dead beat father, he is a chronic womanizer.
ReplyDeleteGet something doing. Empower yourself financially because this marriage can break anytime.
But she said she wasn't pregnant before, marriage abi we read different chronicle
DeleteBut what will a 3 year old be doing in school? If you don’t work, she’s supposed to be home with you playing and learning basic alphabet and numbers.
ReplyDeleteIf the marriage isn’t what you want, end it before you born another. You are young at 24 and will definitely get another chance at marriage.
What's the man place in his children lives?
ReplyDeleteHe is also committing incest and adultery.
Lady, you are too young and it seems the man has no regards for you. You don't have a say in the house.
That bondage not marriage.
You didn't tell us reason why he is yet to register your first in school.
You are in a long drama. Only God will deliver you.
Shebi one bv was jumping up and down few weeks ago that she is enjoying her husband's money, no need to work and suffer since her odogwu provides everything, I just pray that your odogwu does not change or nothing happens to him, you will see nke tolu beati.
ReplyDeleteThat must be Fan.
DeleteI think I need to send in my story of how my mum was able to cater for my siblings and I,built her own house without assistance from anyone after my dad's death all because she wasn't a lazy housewife while dad was alive.
I like Fan very well and I'm happy she's a BV. I'll advise her to encourage Odogwu to set her up now that the funds are flowing maka na adi ama ma. She's a funny and vibrant person. I believe she'll manage her business/endeavour very well.
DeleteAs for the chronicle, my friend was on this table, met an only child whose parents were overflowing with money and married him as she had been shaking for marriage for years, not knowing there was a spiritual covenant in the family which husband was due to join as he had become of age, they refused to join, na so she enter financial stress and everyday pastor/prophet.
The husband is genuinely caring and hustling for his family but if she had something going on for her, the financial situation would have been better. Poster, I think you should leave this man, carry your children and mobilize your family to help and empower you. May God be with you as this journey won't be easy but staying weak and helpless is worse..
Gbam! @Stellz red pen. Your husband is not useless anything. What then would you say about you that opened korokoro eyes at 21 to enter into a marriage without any financial standing? In this life, you must either go to school all the way, learn a lucrative trade or acquire skill and let me tell you that there are people who have done all three successfully. They can never go hungry. Your case is now even more serious since your man is deadbeat, a rapist and unbothered. Mbok, where will you start from? I really pity the innocent children who didn't decide who their parents should be. You two should not divorce please. Stay together so that one Snatcherlene will not go and carry principalities in the name of husband.
ReplyDeleteShebi you see small Regina Nwoko that married an elderly moneybag, if that man chased her out with her kids today, Regina will simply go back to acting full time. Na prepare dem dey prepare enter marriage; no be wetin dem dey rush enter without capacity.
Solution: It is never too late to learn a skill or trade because those children must not suffer. Start now so that by the next school session, you'd be singing a better song. Also, get on a suitable/preferable birth control method so that another innocent child will not be added to this presemt situation. Feel free to coman rant and c*ss under harsh comments as anonymous o. You are our sister and we still love you. Good luck.
Thank you for this comment.
DeleteMadam Stella, I am disappointed in your comment. In this case, the woman should report to human right to help her get financial support for her children because they are married legally
ReplyDeleteStella is like you wake up from the wrong side of your bed. This your red pen advise no work. Because you are educated, exposed and Rich does not mean every one is like you. You don't have human sympathy. Please next time give reasonable advice because you are educated. You were not even born with a silver spoon either for you to tell a woman with children to go and hustle when you should be advising her to report the case to the appropriate authorities so that the man will take care of his responsibilities
ReplyDeletePoster you are just 24 with two kids, wow you married early.
ReplyDeleteDid you even finish university?
Your husband is a dog. Maybe you both can seek councel if he is willing, if not Forget him.
You need to start working or do business so you can take care of yourself & kids.
Then plan for a separation if you can't have peace in your marriage
Omg!!! Stella… hmmmm!!! What kind of advice is this? If her husband doesn’t have money it’s a whole different ballgame, but this man has money and spends it on women, his kids are not a priority.women please do not marry your enemy, women are”helpmates”,a woman can help in other ways not just financially, just by being with a man and praying for him and encouraging him is more than enough. The Bible says “ he who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains Favor from the Lord” there is already a Blessing from God.Now in addition to all these support ( “being a wife,”taking care of the kids etc. if you also support financially, that’s beautiful but not compulsory and or necessary if the man is well able. Please women there is nothing like 50/50 or what are you bringing to the table.The man is the head of the home and should lead.Finally madam please leave that marriage, you will never be happy and he will never change. Do not listen to Stella, you are still young, go work hard but don’t stay married to him.
ReplyDeleteStella your advice no follow. What if she is not working? What is wrong with that? Is it to manage to hone and two small kids alone? If she is not working now, does it me she will not work in the near future? The husband is irresponsible and whether she is working or not is immaterial. Can't he care for his young family with his resources and kindness?
ReplyDeleteDon’t mind them
DeleteWhere would she put her children, 2 kids below 4
Would she carry them on her back to look for work? When her husband should help removing her stress so she can find something doing
If he's a serial cheat to the extent of sleeping with his cousin and even allegedly raping one of them, Nne, better leave that marriage. I know I'd divorce him officially and not look back.
ReplyDeletePoster this. This marriage is not worth saving Nne
DeleteYou're young fr not the one that a 45yr old would write in and bvs will be chanting they're still young 🙄
ReplyDeleteAnyway please leave, you can start over at 24. I really don't know what to say but you're young
Poster start helping yourself now! There is no time to waste and you have little ones depending on you, since their father is irresponsible. Take a bold step and I believe you will be glad you did.
DeleteDoes a woman working guarantee any thing in marriage? The most important thing is for the two to be committed to themselves, support each and strive to be be better. The man is irresponsible. Whether she is working or not, it doesn't guarantee the marriage and happiness.
ReplyDeleteErrrmmmm....if she was working, she will register the kid in school and she will be empowered enough to walk away from a deadbeat irresponsible man without being afraid of how she'll manage so...Yes, being financially independent is a woman's insurance. If you are not, empower your daughters to be.
DeleteI don’t know for bvs forming miss independent o, the last time I checked ekweme singer was the bread winner. It’s one thing to have money, it’s another thing to have sense to pick the right partner
DeleteThere are plenty financially independent women chopping shit, some do not even have the courage to leave
20:18 she won’t be able to register him if father refuses
DeleteThe father didn’t say there’s no money
He’s refusing to register
I’m not against him Sha cause kid is just 3.
I am Anon 20:08, Osinachi had the wrong mindset about marriage and relationship, that's why she didn't walk away from the devil incarnate she was married to. Guess what...this kind of environment the poster is in can breed that kind of "helpless...accept anything your husband does" mentality in the poster's daughter.
DeleteIt's sad but it's a fact of life that you can find yourself married to a person who doesn't support you or want you to be better, what then? Nothing can take away from the fact that having a skill/job/business to fall back on is a blessing for you and your children. Even men want a lady that has something going on for her apart from what they provide.
Please be kind, it is not everyone that comes from a privileged home. Some had no one pay their fees or pay for them to acquire a skill.
ReplyDeleteEveryone does not have 'normal circumstances' so be KIND!!!!
I once met a girl whose mother is a cleaner that earns 10k monthly. Her mother cannot pay for skill acquisition, transport to the lesson centre and money to buy materials for practical.
What options are open to her?
Nigeria is tough these days. They pay sales girls 10k a month. How will a married woman with 2 kids be doing 10k sales girl work? Where will she keep the children when going to work? Abeg just be kind and pray that life doesn't happen to you abeg.
Abi oooo, Amen.
DeleteAnon 17:12, is the girl old enough to work? Let her start the cleaner work as well if that's the only option she has. I have known cleaners in the course of my career that have and are still upgrading, one is now a graduate, the other one now has a shop alongside her cleaner work, 2 others are currently in school.
DeleteThe koko is that depending on someone completely is risky, it doesn't work out for everybody, let it be that you have something to fall back on if the marriage turns out like this poster's own. Make Una dey advise unaselves oh.
True we should learn to look at life from all sphere .
DeleteI’m sorry sister
ReplyDeleteA cheating husband is very heartbreaking
The 3 year old can stay home if you’re home full time. There’s nothing wrong with that.
But this cheating part is just sad. If you still want him, then I suggest a good talk between two of you. Next, buy condoms and don’t have sex without one while you know he’s cheating. The consequences can be fatal
You can involve his family. Not yours. His. If he still refuses then I suggest you ask for divorce
Don’t waste your youth on a cheat
I assume you are a sit at home wife that is why your husband is treating you like that. I will advise that you behave like a mumu to allow him open a big shop for you. You save up some money and use it to take care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteIf you walk away from that marriage now that you have nothing, what will you use to feed your children. Since your husband is not using beating on you and you don't have source of income please stay back to gather money.
Stella God bless you. Secondly, it's like aunty want to test some water outside. Hmmm. She will definitely get drown.
ReplyDeleteThe guy is cheating and this is your response
DeleteGod help your kids if you have kids
If what you wrote is true, then your husband is every bit of disgusting. I cannot in good conscience tell you to stay. If he is an accused rapist of his blood relative, then what does that mean for your children. If your parents are willing to take you in then take your children and go start over. I cannot deal with any person involved in the things your husband is doing. Imagine a man with a wife doing all that, then what of those who do not have a wife of their own. Your husband is operating and living from a reprobate mind. I guess the marriage was for face value and to cover up something, to bring him some form of respectability.
ReplyDeleteIf you really want to know the truth, check his phone. Ask those who have known him for the last ten years or more to tell you what he was up to the last three years before he got married.
The ma'am seems a person who married a pedo and an insest lover. Be careful the earlier you leave d better
ReplyDeleteHope it’s not too late for you to see this comment.
ReplyDeleteYou cannot raise kids with a man who doesn’t respect or value you or their well being. Do you have some money of yours? Then find somewhere to stay and enroll your kids in school. Also inform your family of the evil things he’s been doing, add slay and pepper like nightmares of different women threatening to kill you in your sleep and let them return whatever bride price has been paid. You will get push back because a lot of people still believe in do or die marriages, but stand your grind for your kids.
I can bet your husband is at least 10 years older than you because that’s their modus. Marry a naive young girl and ruin her life. Just focus on you and your kids in an environment far from him. Even if he begs with blood do not listen to him because such men become very vengeful when they get you back. Experience talking here.
Again, DO NOT LISTEN TO STELLA AND OTHER FINANCIAL ABUSE, RAPE, INCEST AND ADULTERY APOLOGISTS. Like they don’t know that in Nigeria, a lot of men intentionally ensure that their wives are a 100% reliant on them so they’re stuck forever. I mean, if that’s how Stella and co have decided to live their own lives, fine, BUT you cannot train children, particularly daughters, in such an evil environment. The fact that you wrote the chronicle shows in your heart you already know what to do.
I hope Stella posts this because anything that calls her out, she gets extra sensitive about it.