Hmmmmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
OLDER LOVER ISH
Hi Stella,
So there’s this man I’m dating, he does almost everything I want for me and even planning on marriage with me, he has a very good job but the issue is he’s older than me(8years)
I have never dated someone with that age gap before, I’m not in love with him but he is a very good person to myself and even everyone around him ,I have tried countless time to love him but I just can’t get this desire, tho we also have religious differences and also he likes s*x too much of which I don’t .
I’m confused
on what to do if it’s to let him go or I get married to him and develop feelings for him later cos I don’t love him like I should.
Note : I’m of marriageable age(28years) just scared I may not treat him right in the marriage if I go ahead and marry him, we’ve dated for a year tho it’s a long distance relationship due to his job.
Pls advice on what to do ?
* It is good to marry someone who loves you more than you love him hoever i think it is a bad idea to marry someone that you dont love...From what you wrote it is obvious that you want to marry him just to change your status...
Please dont marry someone you do not love.....
You don't deserve the man. Keep waiting and las las na person way senior you with 20 years go come dey available when you see say time don dey go or you fit marry person way dey 8 years younger sef. Joke aside, if you don't love him, don't force the relationship. Don't marry him out of pity. Look for your age group and be happy.
ReplyDeleteNa wa for you oh
DeleteUse critic thinking now
Not to be rude all the time
Its best he loves you more than u do, with his care and love, u will grow to love him, this is coming from someone who was in position 27 years ago, mine is older with 11 years, same care 27 years ago till date, I will say the care is even increasing, he settles fight between me and those people that sees themself as my age mate, my children o. They are taller and graduates so I am their age mate now. It is interesting. Just always have God in the equation
DeleteOlomo x2
DeleteDon't you get tired of fear-mongering??
Some of you are quick to tell women that menopause is at their doorstep...thereby causing them to rush in life, rather than taking their time and actually marrying the right one for them!
@ SMH, thank you, I so much detest that statement, instead of giving a female sound advice on issues affecting her and how to have a good attitude and mindset about life, they'll be saying "when you go old", e get who no go old?
DeleteMost of the issues around us stem from marrying the wrong person, which this lady is genuinely concerned about, it's a good thing she's seeking opinions so she doesn't regret in future. Poster, my husband is 10/11 years older, yet he is everything I hoped for and more.
If you don't feel for him, maybe you should leave him, marriage is very long journey, it's not wise to enter and start managing from day one. May God bless you both with better and more compatible partners.
Personally, I do not think there's anything wrong with the age gap. You don't wanna marry him cos you don't love him, not cos of the age gap. So do not marry him.
ReplyDeleteThere can be more than one reason
DeleteMake una help me tell this babe to drop this man's digit for me. I know how to love the unlovable and older men as long as money wont be a problem
DeleteIt's fine if you don't love him, but on the age thing, l don't agree, you too are good to go.
ReplyDeleteI love older men.
@PP, My sis from another mother 🙌
DeleteI love older men too, infact, in my case na older men I dey attracted to/attract 🤷 ah dunno if it's normal but I'm not worried
My ex was 11 years older and now my fiancé is 15 years older and he's the sweetest thing that has ever happened to me. No jokes!
If you don't love this men as said please don't proceed on marriage plans
I feel it's the age difference that beclouded your love for him. I might be wrong
The two people i ever dated were 6yrs and 9yrs older. I'm not sure i can date my age mates. High maturity level, Intellectual engagement, constructive arguments, patience and Gentleness are things that get me to even notice you. my hubby must love me more than i love him o. That has always be the norm abeg
DeletePlease don't marry someone you don't love. Although your hubby should love you more than you love him
ReplyDeleteThe institution called marriage is not always rosy and there is a saying that love covers multitude of sin. There are times you'll need the love you have for him to make things work for your marriage.
Huh
ReplyDeleteLet him go mbok
Why go on ahead to marry someone outta pity?
Break up that thing you have with him right at this minute
“Though we have religious differences”.
DeleteJust dey play
SDK your last paragraph is funny.
ReplyDeletePoster since you do not love this man why do you want to punish him cos you want o answer MRS? Allow him to go find love elsewhere. I believe if you don't love someone every little they do you will get upset with them. If you love someone when they offend you, there is also room to forgive them. You will always want to make the people you love happy.
8 years u said, mehn 8 yrs is nothing nah, my hubby is over 8yrs older than me
ReplyDeleteHe loves and cares for me like crazy and i agreed to marry him bcoz of that.
I had no single love for him, just my conscience and today i don't regret marrying him, bcoz e be like say na me love him pass now.
Just think well and make ur decision,
#it's luck to find a man that loves u, and it's wise to keep that man close to ur heart#. Know this and know peace.
I tire ooo... Na 6yrs my hubby take senior me o. Old man🥱
Delete8yrs nor bad abeg
Today with all them red pillers and down low men, narcissists, abusers, users, selfish men, scammers et al, if you find a good man that REALLY loves you and shows it, I think he is a really good catch. However I whole heartedly agree with Stella. You have to at least feel something for him, and it shouldn't be about the money. It can't be easy spending a lifetime with someone who irritates you. Such feeling breeds lack of tolerance, which is necessary in marriage, and will eventually graduate to hatred especially when life happens with things such as illness, loss of resources, death etc (God forbid, I am just trying to explain). All the best poster and please update us.
DeleteJust free the man theirs nothing like love him after, don't marry him out of pity marry for compatibility and love SHALOM.✌️
ReplyDelete8years is not too much as a man marrying a woman. By the time you start birthing kids, you will start looking older than the man. I actually prefer older me. I will advise you to marry him since he loves you more than you do and he is a good man. what else are you looking for? the one you will love that will be showing you shege and wont pamper you? you fit introduce the man to me if you wan commot hand o
ReplyDeleteLol I don’t know anyone looking older than their man after kids
Delete16.01, did you see unfiltered photos off that actress Uche ogbodo and her hubby? She looked like an older aunty especially with her bulging tummy while he looked mid 20s.
DeletePregnancy is a beautiul, life changing process but it most definitely takes its toll,on many women.
21:56 true on 'many', but thankfully,not all. Have you seen Omoni Oboli, Kate Henshaw, Adesua Wellington, Tiwa Savage,the wife of the pastor of House on the Rock, the woman in my office, me etc?
DeleteYou can choose to scatter like maggi onto of water after pregnancy or choose to look your best, it takes time, effort, research and modification of diet.
I didn't mention money.
Marry him o, so had I know will not end the matter . You'll grow to love him as time goes on, so far he's a good guy
ReplyDeleteYou shouldn’t date someone simply because you are bored. You do not love him, you have no sexual desire for him, but you need help to decide. Your desire to become a married woman should not be at the expense of someone else’s self respect. He deserves to be desired and wanted, loved and adored, especially since he is a good person, according to your own words. Imagine if a man married to you who felt nothing for you, who didn’t even want to have intimacy with you, would you feel good about it? Please break it off and go your way. Find a hobby or some positive pursuit to indulge in so you don’t go around dating ppl for free meals and to ease your boredom.
ReplyDeleteLMAO @your last line....
DeleteWhen you said older I thought you were going to say he is 60 and you are 20, babe the difference between 28 and 36 na morning and night, I don talk my own! As per whether to marry him or not the ball is in your court, why are you even dating someone you don't have feelings for, if na man do am naa una go drag am.
ReplyDeleteWhy? Because of the benefits (including financial and material benefits). She just didn't want to write that plain
DeleteTrust me you are Yul Edochie waiting to happen if you go ahead with it, please save us the trauma
ReplyDeleteLet go of that innocent man because you guys are not compatible..
ReplyDeleteDon't cause problem for yourself
The age difference is not really much. The main issue is LOVE. It's not advisable to marry someone you don't love. Forget this issue of loving him later. So many things might come up that will make you even hate him more while married. Forget what he is giving you. Your happiness worths more than those gifts. Let him go, please be polite about it
ReplyDelete36 to 28 is very reasonable to me
ReplyDeleteBut if you don’t love him after one year then move on
You are long distance so maybe first try spending more time together
It's painful but please tell him the truth. You don't have feelings for him. So let him find someone else. Please don't blame yourself too. Sometimes it's life.
ReplyDeleteChoose your choice but if you listen to people here you will get confused more ,you are only with him because he is good to you ,if you don't love him dont waste his time because of longthroat
ReplyDeleteGod, please open the eyes of this man, let him see clearly that his woman doesn't love him. Send him a woman that loves him enough, let her fall in his line of sight, and let his feelings shift accordingly through Jesus Christ our lord, Amen.
ReplyDelete😏 I just dey pray for my brother's everyday, may God send them their OWN.
Truly we need God in determining a spouse. He is the only person that knows the heart of man. Because this person will be giving him vines and signal and in his mind he'll be happy. God abegii 😪
DeletePlease open the Eyes of this man. Please God , please don't let him make this mistake ?
Ha Oga oh
* vibes
DeleteHaving sex with someone u don't love is already a hard task then to now be married to a sex freak is what you will never be able to cope with especially since you don't even love him.
ReplyDeleteYou will use ur hand to advise urself. Because marrying someone you don't love is almost a recipe for cheating
Gbam!
DeleteMy husband is 12 years older than me. The issue difference isn't really the issue. The issue is you don't love him. When you don't love somebody, everything the person does irritates you. You might not survive him when you're both in one space since you've been in a distance relationship so please let him go
ReplyDeleteYou're both not compatible, you don't love and you don't like much of sex, pls let him go, before you starve him of what matters most in marriage.
ReplyDeleteMs tee
Haba poster, the guyman is 36 years (if you're 28), 36 years!! Abeg which age are you looking to marry? 29? Abi your age mate of 28.
ReplyDeleteAbeg marry if you wan marry, if not drop him digits.
Seriously though, it's a good age gap.
I just tire for the babe,how person go marry their age mate sef? this my husband wey senior me with 8years , I still behave mature,more than him,next world the man must senior me with 14 years.
DeleteMy own husband is just months older than me, a few months sef and I won't have it any other way
DeleteMe 31 and him (44) is it okay or the gap is wide. In my case, I love him with my life.
ReplyDeleteIt’s ok
DeleteMy dear, when it comes to marriage, love alone can't sustain it.
ReplyDeleteYou need to throw away all those your M&B, (all those your romantic movies, books you read) and focus on the real deal.
What are you looking for in a husband? Is it just a man you love?
What other characteristics and quality does he possess?
Is he mature? How responsible is he? Does he love you dearly? Etc
Meet an older and successful person in marriage and have a heart to heart talk.
Love cannot sustain it but it can cushion the challenges than without love.
DeleteKING XOXO MYSTERY
That love needs to be there for you to stay married, you can’t do without it in this journey called marriage.
DeleteI always advice posters to pray when it comes to marriages.seriously, it is better this man loves you more.he will treat you as a queen and never take you for granted.Age is nothing but a number.but pls pray about this and let the spirit of God guide you.goodluck.
ReplyDeleteDarling, at your age, you should already know what or whom you want. The minute you see red flags or potential red flags, you should know it's time to end things as amicably as possible.
ReplyDeleteYou're going on about the age difference, what about the difference in religious beliefs? What about the fact that he loves sex and you don't? Those alone are major deal breakers, signs of incompatibility. I'll hazard a guess and say one of the reasons this relationship reached the 1 year mark is because of the long distance, another not so good idea. Perhaps you would have seen what is so painful obvious and ended the relationship if you guys were in the same locale.
Adding to the laundry list of red flags is the fact that you don't love him. Marrying a man you don't love is a major gamble, according to me. In my profession, sweetheart, I have seen too many marriages crumble because the woman married a man she didn't love and years down the line still didn't love, only to fall in love with someone else. There are some ladies who later managed to love the men they married, as well. Like I stated, it's a gamble.
Apart from the numerical difference, you didn't state how it is affecting your relationship. Just because you have always dated within your age range doesn't mean older men should automatically be blacklisted. Age becomes an issue when it affects the quality of your relationship. This relationship is a bad idea for the other reasons I listed which all come under the umbrella of incompatibility and not necessarily the age gap.
It will be wholly unfair and impractical to marry the wrong man just because you are of "marriageable age". No darling, please let him go and wait patiently for the man whom you are compatible with. What's the point marrying at 28 only to be divorced at 31? It's not how far but how well. I hope you make the right decision.
e-hugs and kisses.
All of this.
DeleteKING XOXO MYSTERY
I always look forward to your comments ❤️
DeleteHappy to have you back here Ronalda. 🤗
DeleteI think you should ask your self why you do not love him. "Is it because of his height,weight,color or how he carries himself" or probably you are not attracted to him at all, once you answer these questions honestly within you, then you know what to do.
ReplyDeleteIn my own case my husband is 11yrs older than me, I was not attracted to him first but I realized it was due to his sense of dressing.
I overhauled his wardrobe, took him to boutique to get nice outfits. And right now he is the best that can ever happen to me, he pampers me silly. I would have missed a good husband for something I can easily change.
You are still not attracted to him.
DeleteHe is just a good husband.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
KING XOXO, who are you to decide whether or not she is attracted to her husband? The guts of some of you on this blog.
DeleteYou don't love him, you've been collecting his money since? Hmmmm
ReplyDelete....and he has been sexing her scatter, abi u no no wetin man dey find nside woman body?
DeleteAbeg Baba God, open the eyes of this man to see the gold diggers prowling around. Amen
ReplyDelete😂 😂 😂. How do you know that he himself is not playing a game? Don't you know that some men who want to catch one young fine sisi, who they know very well doesn't like them, apply pressure, and try to move heaven and earth to catch them in their net. Once in the Venus Fly Trap, they unleash the dragons inside. 🤣
DeleteAnyway poster, it is for you to pray and know what your instincts are saying. Who is this man really? Why are you not really feeling him? Read Ronalda's comment very well. Like someone said, you can really love a guy and all he will do is show you shege! This life ehhnn..........
If you don't love him, then why are you marrying him?
ReplyDeleteMarriage is challenging enough with love compared to without love. You can marry him and few years in that marriage, you will meet the love of your life and you will suffer the innocent man for nothing.
You guys are having regular sex yet you don't even have any love for him.
What do you think will change?
Maybe if you marry him as years go by, you will appreciate him for loving you which is not good enough or he will realise you don't love him and fall for a woman who loves him.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
My Husband is 10 years older than me and we have been married for the past 28 years. He was 37 and i was 27 years old then. I dont love him at the begiining, i was just chopping his money, my junior sister keep advising me to marry him because he loves me like crazy, at the end of the day i reluctantly agreed to marry him because of all the benefits and the trip abroad. Believe me if i have to choose again i will choose him, i love him more than anything. He treats me like a queen up till now and we are blessed with lovely Children
ReplyDeleteI am so happy for you. But I have seen, heard and even read stories on this blog of instances where the love didn't grow and the person involved just felt trapped.
DeleteYes, this happens more often than you know. My husband is really good as a husband and as a Dad, helps with chores, bathes the baby, feed him at night. Also generous as well but still I want to leave. I feel trapped because I know he married me for papers though hes never admitted to it but now I want to leave.....
DeleteHmmm...inside life.
DeletePlease marry him as time goes on you will grow to love him.
ReplyDeletePoster my hubby is 17yrs older than me, he doesn't look it, and he gives me me love,money, loyalty and respect, I can't trade that man for anything.
ReplyDeleteTherefore, pray about it and make wise decisions.
❤️❤️❤️❤️
DeletePoster, don't marry him! What's the desperation? You're just 28. Take it from someone who made the mistake of marrying someone she didn't love, it will be a disaster! I made the huge mistake and the marriage crashed in less than a year. We both started growing resentful of each other. Sex was such a chore and he sensed it. I'm glad I am free to experience the kind of love I have dreamt of. Don't settle!
ReplyDeleteJust say you are in for the gains. What happens when it's no longer there ?
ReplyDeleteI married someone I don't love but who loves me so much. He is 10 years older than me and everyday I thank God that I married him. I love him so much now and miss him each time we are apart. It may happen to you too, I think you should go on with the marriage.
ReplyDeleteThe only red flag I see is that of difference in religious beliefs. Going by the word of God, the man is to love his wife unconditionally. The woman on the other hand is to respect, submit and be loyal and faithful to the man.
ReplyDeletePoster, in the name of God i beg of you don't marry this man as you have no iota of love for him but if you insist marrying him the union might not last and is you that will be mostly affected and it will be worse if children are involve before you guys go separate ways. Moreover, i see nothing wrong walking down the aisle with someone older than you with just 8 years. My dear, age ain't nothing but a number. Please let go off him. I pray by this time next year 2024.God almighty in HIS infinite mercy will connect you to the bone of your bone and the flesh of your flesh. Shalom.
ReplyDeletePoster,
ReplyDelete1. You are not compatible religion-wise. A very big deal in marriage, in-law relations, starting a family & raising children.
2. You don’t like intimacy but he does, a red flag for sexual dissatisfaction, emotional frustration & abuse, possible cheating when you meet a man that gives you butterflies in the stomach & resent him.
3. You are in a long distance relationship, don’t see each other often and yet love or longing for him, missing him is still not there. Don’t allow the short term to decide your future. You could become a multimillionaire yourself in a few years so why make a lifetime decision on a short term attribute of financial stability? God forbid but what if he list the money? It’s happened in many instances. Love is what sustains relationships during tough times.
4. Don’t underestimate what God can make of your life by cheaply monetizing it. God is the author of financial breakthrough that adds no sorrow. Read up Barack & Michelle’s story. Mr Obama used to drive a car with a hole on the floor of the backseat through which you could see the asphalt road when he & Michelle first got together. See the life Michelle later started enjoying with him?
5. DONT DECEIVE him into thinking you love him. If he knows you don’t love him, he can live with it as a matured man if you tell him early enough. I don’t really get the obsession with the “Mrs” title at any age maybe because nobody where I live is addressed as Mrs X or Y. It’s your first name unless they are your children’s mates/friends. Even then some just say Ms or use your professional title if you have one.
6. If you get into a marriage where the KNOWN red flags are so huge, what about the unknown red, orange & burgundy flags when you actually start living together? I’m of a different generation so I’m not judging you but how does a woman even allow a man you don’t love touch you? I read about women & men who cheat, for me my christianity and the fact that I can’t let someone I don’t love touch me is a big deal. Leave this man, it may be financially tough initially for you but God will honor your sincerity & help you through, you both deserve better.
7. You cannot submit to a man you do not love. Yes love is a decision which is why arranged marriages used to work but was that really love or servitude & helplessness on the part of women in such relationships?
8. As to experiences with older men, I think that isn’t even your own issue. If it’s the financial security, pray to God he can bless you with money or a man you love who loves you that can also provide but financially exploiting this man is not fair. Some women forget they have brothers, sons, nephews etc. Would you want this dynamic for your brother, son or nephew? May God help you to make the right decision in Jesus Name.
Poster is just with this man bcos he is good to her and takes care of her.
ReplyDeleteLeave this man alone abeg, he is ot your husband
Wow 8 years difference is too old for you poster? And you’re 28? I thought it was a girl in her early twenties talking. Well what do I know? Better hold onto this guy and settle down with him. Your reasons are quite frivolous
ReplyDelete