INSECURE WIFE
We are married for 11 years now, and we have a nine year old son.
We are married for 11 years now, and we have a nine year old son.
The nature of my job makes me interact with many people including women
old, young, married and single, which she knew of before we got married.
old, young, married and single, which she knew of before we got married.
I have never cheated on my wife and i don't plan to but this woman
will not stop accusing me of trying to cheat, and any time this thing comes
up she will become like a mad person.
She keeps saying she will never allow a second wife, but the thing is, i'm not thinking of a second wife.
I have talked to her elder sister about this matter, but her behaviour is still the
same.
I have talked to her elder sister about this matter, but her behaviour is still the
same.
Stella i don't keep secrets from this woman, she has access to my
phone and social media accounts 24/7, i work from home, so i'm always
at home, i don't drink or smoke. Her father married a second wife and
she showed them fire and i think it affected her Psycologically.
phone and social media accounts 24/7, i work from home, so i'm always
at home, i don't drink or smoke. Her father married a second wife and
she showed them fire and i think it affected her Psycologically.
I'm scared that this woman will one day harm me when i'm a sleeping.
I'm just tired. I swear to you because i work at home i do almost all
the house work just to make her happy and comfortable.
Hmmm most of the women who behave so insecure and use it to cause stress at home eventually end up pushing the man to seek for peace outside and they end up making the mistake of marrying a second wife......
You work at home and also do the housechore? So all she does is nag and suspect you`? What a pity,I really dont know what to advice since she didnt listen to her elder sister.....
Please just ignore her when you can and if you really believe your life may be in danger then leave the house for her...
Counseling for both of you
ReplyDeleteAlso ask Her what’s triggering these thoughts and see how you can avoid those triggers
Your wife has been so traumatized that she is not reasoning rationally anymore. I think at this point she needs help before the thing she fears the most will happen to her.
DeleteThis one you are already scared she may one day hurt you shows that the matter is a very serious one that should be handled with utmost urgency. Her paranoia is beyond normal. Get her therapy before water pass garri.
P.s: how do you people endure working from home? Not going out everyday doesn't make your walls seem smaller? It can't be me. Maybe your wfh is also part of the problem too. You are too available and in her face all the time.
Dear poster, go to harvesters TV on YouTube, find all the October teaching by pastor Bolaji . Watch them with your wife. He treated all these problems in all his October teaching. It's about emotional baggages. Thank me later.
DeleteStella
DeleteI don't need money
All I wanted was the kind of love filled home my folks had instead I have a permanent external companion lol.
I will undo the two of them soon and it will never be traced to me
@anonymous 10 may,2:13,
DeleteI sincerely hope you're not planning to commit any evil because it definitely will be traced to you.
Refrain from evil please
This is phycological.
ReplyDeleteCan you guys visit a seasoned marriage counselor?
Thank you, she needs to undergo therapy
DeleteYou are a man, do what men do.
ReplyDeleteInteresting
DeleteSo what do men do?
Tell us
DeleteTake charge of his home. Weakness is not allowed for a second.
DeleteSome people get cap but no head some get head but no cap, this life na pot of beans.
ReplyDeleteVery true Anon, my dear Poster run for your life B4 she kills you, because from the look of things she can't change 😔
DeleteShe needs help… Trauma from the past is still playing out. Help her by making her see a shrink or something and also try to reassure her of your love (calmly)
ReplyDeleteIt is well with your family. Amen 🙏🙏🙏
See what her father has caused her. He has damaged her. Maybe she needs therapy and continued reassurance of your love for her
ReplyDeleteShe’s traumatized by her parents marriage and the content she consumes online.
DeleteI know this so well. It happened to me. I had anxiety attacks and started accusing him of being a narcissist. Lol. I was so paranoid! I had to detox myself of the bad and abusive marriage tales surrounding me. I went for an 8 month long therapy with psychologist, psychiatrist and psychotherapist (yes, 3 professionals attend to me every time) I prayed and assessed my life and got convinced the people (family and strangers) whose lives I was afraid my marriage was mirroring and I are not the same.
I counted the many ways we are different. And I stopped carrying the baggages ( I used to advocate for victims and I had a horrible ex)
And that restored my mind and marriage. I’m glad hubby has been patient with me.
Therapy is underrated in Nigeria… your wife is traumatised and I don’t blame her
ReplyDeletePlease let her see a therapist
ReplyDeleteTry and earn her trust.
ReplyDeleteSome married men will be flirting with single girls and claim that they are not cheating cos they have sleep with them.
Your wife can’t just be accusing you for nothing.
Do you flirt with your clients?
Which kain trust? Did he lost the trust before? It's on her to trust her husband. If she Cnt trust....she should go and marry someone else.
DeleteOga, check well that you are not flirting with someone she knows.
DeleteExactly the point @Ella, there’s no smoke without fire. Poster your wife is not a mad woman, search yourself, I mean your conscience.
DeleteFan Emmanuel
He should resign from his job. He is already a stay at home husband. He should continue as that. Let the wife go work and bring in the money to cater for the family. At least we are sure she would not flirt or cheat to earn the needed income.
DeleteThe cause is the job. Leave the job. Hunger and lack cure some "self imposed madness"
Oga marry second wife her head go correct. Oga give her padlock to lock u up so that you won't go out or interact.
ReplyDeleteBut on a more serious note both of you should seek help of a professional
She sure needs therapy but while at that;rent a small office space if you can spare the cash;leave home everyday,return 8 to 9pm..
ReplyDeleteShe will miss your presence gradually and try to make up with bonding when you return rather than excess nagging..
Also If you are calling her “This Woman” in reality;stop it..
Sounds empty with no affection and enough to trigger such a woman..
The more you try to explain yourself;the higher the nagging..
Laugh it off and always remind her how you can’t leave such a beauty like her for any person..
Joke with her endowment,touch her here and there while teasing her to take it easy while reassuring her that you are with her forever,every marriage has their cross.
Wish you well Bro..
@MARTINS
Gof bless you Martins. You are a good man.
DeleteGoodafternoon My Country people, Kai Martins you finish work abeg, infact anointing oil dey your head no be small.
DeletePoster please stick with Martin’s
Mummy Anthony-Clever
you have a good point here, the wife needs more attention. He needs to fill her love tank so that she can be calm.
DeleteMan like Martins! 🙌🏾 😊
Delete1000 likes 👍 👌
DeleteYou said it all.
God bless you for this, Martins.
DeleteNo way
DeleteShe’ll think he wants to rent the place so he can be free to cheat
He’s home all day abd she’s worried ..kuku kill her by getting a place 😆
Hmmm I don't know what to say .
ReplyDeleteSome people don't just know and appreciate what they have until they loose it.
You should go for therapy. That woman needs to heal properly.
ReplyDeleteYour wife is not well. She has alot of deep sitted Trauma. She needs Trauma Healing Counseling. Bible Society of Lagos has that on going. And it's very good. Once she is healed she will think right. Right now she is not thinking well. It goes to show you how bad it was what they went through. Pls. Find where she can have a Trauma Healing session.
ReplyDeletePlease do you know if there is such a branch in Ibadan?
Delete@16:13, by now i should believe they have trained people in TH in Ibadan. But get in touch with Bible Society and they will give you a contact person.
DeleteThey have trained people in major cities. That's how i got trained. So pls. Ask questions.
Trauma Healing Counseling is very good. I can tell you. It's different from the normal counseling and very effective.
Your wife is likely an overthinker. It is odd that with her having access to all of you and knowing that you work from home she still behaves like this. If you indeed have clean hands as you’ve stated, then please let her know that you are concerned about her mental health. Let her know that you would like her to go for psychiatric evaluation, as her behaviour is no longer rational and highly concerning to you. Tell her all of this when you are in a quiet space and she least expects to be told something like this. She will tone down after that, nobody wants to appear mentally unwell. But if her hysterics get to the point where you can no longer handle it, move out for a bit. She really could have some form of mental illness. Because saying something like that once or twice is enough, there is no need to keep at it. Home should be a peaceful space for everyone living there.
ReplyDeleteHow can his hands be clean while calling his wife “this woman”. He never mentioned my wife but kept on referring to her as this woman up and down. Poster anam enyo gi enyo
DeleteFan Emmanuel
This woman. It is because he is at his wits end.
DeleteHe said all his am access are open to her.
Just the way some female Bvs send chronicles using horseband.
Don't criticize a man's gait until you work in his shoes.
Pls explain i details about the psychiatric evaluation. This is because the moment people hear psychiatric evaluation rhey assume the person is mad or have lost it. It is more than that. You have to explain nicely what you want mean by psychiatric evaluation. Thank you.
DeleteOne advise I give to young guys looking ro marry is that...vet your woman so much during courtship. If you wife a damaged woman, you will blame yourself.
ReplyDeleteNever marry a woman that does not have regard for their father. Avoid them. Let someone else marry them.
Poster...your wife is damaged and have no respect for her father and is projecting that disregard to you.
You are in hot soup already... So let me tell you what you should do:
1. Tell her...to do her worst! Let her rain cat and dogs. And ignore her for six months! Yes I know it's hard...but until you show her who wears the trouser...she will make your life a living he'll.
2. Tell her you are not interested in the marriage anymore. She should go and marry someone else.
Trust me. If you like...call pastor Adeboye...she won't change. You have to match vawulence with vawulence (I don't mean physical).
kai
DeleteI can't believe I am agreeing to this.
This na the hard way
OG💯
DeleteAbi you no see him S!Mpy yarns of him working from home, doing almost all the house chores, doesn't drink or smoke, gave her the password to his phone etc etc..
She definitely sees him as a S!MP that he is..
What he is going through is the destiny of all S!MPs, they must suffer for 600 years..
I dey even shame on him behalf sef..
Na him type my ex dry talk that year say she know men wey dey support for house chores and their wives no dey support Shi Shi financially so she'll never support financially too..
Making things difficult for other men cos they enable rubbish in their homes and make other girls look at the home as their standard..
Very irritating chronicle
🎶
DeleteDante onye ishi okpukpu
Dante onye ishi okpukpu
May God give you a woman that you will love so much so teeey she go clip your wings. Amen
Fan Emmanuel
Oga this is the best solution for you
DeleteAnonymous 15:52, I agree with the concept you outlined not necessarily the approach though. I will add it to @Martins first two paragraphs.
DeleteAnd please there are many smokes without fire. From the little insight into her background, it could be as a result of formative insecurities from growing up in a polygamous home. Where the father might have been the architect of it all. Those types of insecurities hardly goes away but can only be managed. So since the peace approach you've used so far hasn't been rewarding, guess it's time you toughen your peace a little. With less pacifying words but assuring actions. It looks like you two left your friendship behind, you need to bring it back into your marriage. That's something you don't discard.
@15:52, it has nothing to do with respect for her father. No. If her father's wife had treated her differently we won't be discussing this. It is not about her father. It is the treatment she received while growing that has changed her mentality and the way she perceives people. You will be surprised it is not only to her husband she displays this insecurity. Pls poster be gentle with your wife. She has heart wounds. Just like physical wounds. And those wounds have to be healed for her to be well.
DeleteAnon 15:52, I actually know someone that did this, woman was overly insecure, didn't have a child yet, kept hounding her husband endlessly, the man switched off his phones and disappeared, she had fallen out with all his friends and most family members, he told them he left her but didn't say where he was, he managed his business on phone so she couldn't file a missing person's report as he was running his business.
DeleteAfter 4 months, after enough prayers and vigils, after her running to anywhere they tell her they sighted her husband, the man came back, she became calm by force, husband insisted she goes for therapy, she did and they are having a happy and healthy marriage today. Poster, think about this.
She needs counseling.
ReplyDeletePoster it may not really be the way you narrated your story, most times women do not just suspect but see reasons or signs why they suspect their husbands. I will say you should sit her down and discuss with her what is really happening, speak to your wife to find out the constant nagging and all her complaints. Madam may be getting hit by neighbors, friends, or relatives that you are close to another female, she may be acting out of fear of losing you.
ReplyDeleteAfter 11 years of marriage and she is still behaving this way, there is more to this story. You should change your approach with her, talk things over, communication will sort alot of things between you both. Is her mother of father not alive to talk to her? her elder sister may not be the best person to speak to her if she still has parents. Your family should get involved so that this issue can be handled once and for all.
Lastly, my gender love assurance no matter what she says let her understand that you love her. I feel her love tank is not full that is why she is afraid. You should reduce her access to your phone or emails cos you don't know where your problem is coming from.
Marry the 2nd wife so that her body will come down since she wants to kill u with nagging.
ReplyDeleteWhose loss? Marry second wife as if he’s doing her a favor by marrying only her? Ask men in polygamous homes how far, na the men dey suffer the troubles most. Pikin wey say him mama no go sleep that pikin no go ever sleep. There’s no peace for the wicked.
DeleteFan Emmanuel
Sometimes you just have to man up, stop acting like a scared puny boy. Therapy won't help her because her mindset is already fixed. You both go for therapy, she'd accuse you of trying to knack the therapist.
ReplyDeleteAsin this man narration dey pepper me for body, i feel like calling him names
DeleteThis woman keeps misbehaving bcoz he dances to her tune, when he meows like a pussy while she roars at the slightest accusation, she feels powerful, so she is keeping him in check with her continous false allegations.
You are stressed, I agree, but please do not give up on her, please. I know it doesn't sound like a thing in our part of the world, but try counseling, please. She is insecure, you can help make her more secure. Affirm her daily, lavish comments and praises on her which will make her feel you see her, acknowledge her and love her. Tell her you love her, generally just affirm her with words.
ReplyDeleteTry not to talk about the females at work, make an effort to spend more time with her ( don't spend all of the time just doing house work).
Tease her, sometimes while on break or when you are free, seek out her company, say things like (babe come and spend time with your boy etc) make her feel wanted, desired and cherishes, it will help your relationship.
From your comments, you assume she does not go out to work. And that may just be the problem.
DeleteAs my people would say, she no get job. So, as the saying goes, the idle hand and mind has become the devil's tool and play ground.
Poster, if really your wife is a stay home wife, find a 1-2 hours bus drive away from home work for her.
This is exactly my husband. Very insecure man. For me I give him the cold shoulder when he starts with his shenanigans. Don't even give him room for any form of validation
ReplyDeleteWe relocated outside Naija and to an extent the insecure behavior has reduced. Back home in Naija, if he sees me talking to someone of the opposite sex in the neighbourhood or church na big wahala when we get home. The emotional abuse is what I do not wish for my enemy.
Now he knows the law protects women and children, he has soft pedalled and acting nice.
No matter the niceness, the years of emotional abuse gives me chilles. Its sad to be in an unhappy marriage.
I am going through the same thing. I do not wish this on my worst enemy but praying God heals and restore my husband. No body believes me when I explain this false accusations. Trust me it is painful.
DeleteNa over petting dey enter her head, oga warn her well, tellam say if she push u outside with her incessant nags and accusations she will finally see that market wey she wan buy.
ReplyDeleteThe more u indulge her excesses the more she continues, common she has access to all ur private info's and stuff, that alone shld put her mind at ease, u come garnish am with doing house chores, kilode oga u dey mumu too much biko. If she feels say u dey cheat meh she waka comot make u rest. I hate nonsense. Too much of everything is bad.
If u want read all the relationship and marital books ever, she will still continue, u better man up, she dey blackmail u emotionally so that u will keep being on ur feet and continuing pleasing her, she is a user watch her closely, stop explaining and apologising when u know u are not wrong.
U are scared she will one day harm u in ur sleep can u imagine the level of simpness in this talk, man like u chai!!!! Ur shame dey shame me. Don't go and put ur house in other keep letting ur wife make u walk around the house on egg shell.
Marriage no sweet. Yet she no wan go. Who eats a bitter fruit without benefit? Except ...
DeleteI noticed you mentioned you work with lots of ladies. I think that’s the trigger. You might sound all too nice with them on the phone. I truly believe nothing lasts forever. So ignoring all this will be be my answer
ReplyDeleteIs there a way you can send her this chronicle?
ReplyDeleteThose that said you should marry a second wife, they won't be there when you are suffering it, ask those who married second wife how far. Go for Martin's advice
ReplyDeleteNo need to ask anybody about polygamy, his wife is an example of the gains of polygamy
DeleteHmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteI kind of like a lot of @Martin’s advice with some modifications. Let her take responsibility for most of the house, including house chores. Help out but let her see herself as the “woman”. Having found some evidence of attempted cheating in my husband’s suitcase once on a trip, my trust reduced. As they say trust is like an eraser, it reduces after each use. Even though I believed his explanation, it took a while for me to trust him completely afterwards. I also notice nice men talk and treat outside ladies they interact with very gently and in my case it took me a while to adjust to the fact that he is soft to women he works with, not because he wants anything but that’s how he is wired. He can be tougher on me sometimes because I’m his wife. That’s the difference. @Dante, not all men are wired like you and that’s ok. It doesn’t make them “simps”. When mine started remote work, I still had to drive to work, he did all housework & texted to find out what he should cook for dinner, I resented him because I felt he took my place as “the woman”, forgetting he worked more hours though from home! Now he is back to commuting and I’m remote and I feel remorseful that I didn’t appreciate him enough. If you can get a space to work from, do so and see if the “see finish” is less. Google it, many marriages collapsed during Covid because it’s not ok for partners to be around each other 24/7.
ReplyDeleteTake @Martin’s advice, compliment her but if it’s at a stage you fear for your life, please tell her parents. It’s arrant nonsense to have a man’s passwords, all info, see that he goes nowhere yet keep accusing him of something serious. I never accused mine unless he was travelling to Naija where the incidence occurred and where a lot of my friends here have lost their marriages because their husbands travelled to Naija a lot ending up with Naija 2nd wives in some cases… think Adekaz wife Funsho situations. So there was a basis but in your case, she is paranoid and paranoia is serious especially when there isn’t a basis.
Please if your life is in danger LEAVE her. A very insecure young woman used axe to cut off her husband's head while he was sleeping. May God come through for you 🙏
ReplyDeleteThere is every possiblity that woman is doing what she is accusing you of. Just be very careful. Love a woman but never trust a woman. Use your head.
ReplyDelete