Hmmmm
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
URGENT ADVICE NEEDED
Stella please post this as a chronicle. I need BVs advise.
I and my loving wife started together from the scratch. We both work as a contract staff in different financial firms. My monthly income was N84k while hers was over N70k. From house rent, children’s school fees and other expenses in the house we do it together everything was going on smoothly for us.
A year after 2020 her department in all the branches nationwide at her place of work was scrapped so in order not to lay them off the company transferred her and some of her colleagues in Lagos branches to another department far away in Elegushi which was very inconvenient for her due to proximity and preparing the children for school. As early as 5:00am the children are in school cos her resumption time at work is 7:00am whenever she is on morning shift. I work shift too as a Customer Care Representative (with over 10 years experience) so our schedule do clash at times.
Six months after when she noticed her body system could not carry on with the job also affecting the children sleeping hours we both agreed she quit. Now all expenses are on my monthly take home pay of N84k which I don’t mind. For her not to be full house wife her sister in United States assisted her with funds to start up egg business which she was supplying the neighborhood at least she sells between 20-30 creates in a week , this is a paltry sum.
To the glory of God sometime last year I got another job with a monthly pay of N115k.Every month I drop her money for feeding, pay NEPA Bill of over N20k in a month (estimated bill as I have no prepaid meter), refill gas cylinder, I pay my monthly contribution of N30k, give my dear mama N10k.
Fortunately, for us early this year one APC man that leaves opposite my house called me that if I don’t mind a job vacancy for my wife at a local government office which was not too far from us. The man said it was a slot given to him. I was very excited at least it will relieve me of huge expenses on me alone so i and my wife can go back to our old ways of doing things together. I got home told my wife about it and I was very shocked with her response. She shouted at me that she was not interested in the job of N80k salary which she has no knowledge of the salary and moreover she is not ready to be saying Yes Ma or Sir to anybody in a work environment.
BVs where I work presently I am the oldest among colleagues and management staff. I am 46 years, older than our CEO for Nigeria branch. I see no big deal in it so far I respect them all and they respect me too. I make sure I do my work diligently and get my pay end of the month. Though I have being hunting for another job that will fetch me more money to enable me meet up with expenses.
I wouldn’t mind any lucrative job connection from BVs.
Last year children’s school fees and house rent increased to N500k. Ever since she stopped work I solicit funds from siblings and folks abroad to balance both children school fees and pay house rent which she is aware of. Please for how long will I do this for. Now I am tired and ashamed of begging people for money. My wife too has friends and siblings abroad but she is shy to solicit for funds from them. Aside all these she still deny me s#x once in a while which drives me crazy.
Is it because she knows I don’t womanize. Sincerely I do love both my children and wife dearly but this attitude of her is giving me second thoughts. I am tired.
Please pardon me for wrong punctuations in a hurry to close from work.
Thank you.
This Chronicle made me so sad. Some women dont know what they have until they lose it...... Your wife now wants to sit at home ahdhave only you be the breadwinner? This is so wrong.. She doesnt want to answer sir to anyone? If i give you advice on what to do, i will be so mean that it is me everyone will be replying to so let me leave BVs to advice you. Please if you have a Job for this man after reading this, contact me.........
Oga please mail me again so that i will have your contact saved in case anyone has anything for you.
This is my experience but worse,I will send Stella a chronicle someday.
ReplyDeleteEyaaaa.........
DeletePoster sorry about what you are going through, but I think your wife has discovered that she is more inclined to business than going to work for someone else. So maybe support her business. Also you both need a heart to heart talk about your finances. About the sex, what reason does she give for denying you? Was she tired or ill? Does she enjoy it with you? I think the problem in your marriage is that the communication is not on point.
DeletePoster, don't just put your mind in local government jobs please. Instead let her grow her business. One thing about some of this local government jobs is that; once the present administration hands over power, the next person may decide to lay off the previous staff and employ his own workers. This leaves the affected person's stranded and will definitely make them to start life afresh. The years you spent in working in such a hopeless environment would have been used to grow your business and gain better experience from your business.
DeleteIt will be good if f she can ask her siblings to help her with more money to add to her business.
Dear Stella, it’s not by knowing what you have, his wife is stressed, she has actually reached her limit, she feels she can’t go any further.
DeleteDear poster, I want to thank you for all you have been doing, if not for the kind of country we live, how can someone with 10years experience be earning 84k? I think you should have done some certifications in that your field, your wife is just tired, she has tasted “freedom and working on your own terms” and cannot imagine waking up early in the morning and the whole stressful routine.
Everyone has a breaking point when they have a midlife crisis and don’t just want to push anymore.
Dear wife, I know you are stressed, but as stressed as you are, your husband also is, whatever worries you, worries him 10 times more, denying him of sex only makes him think he is a failure, which is he struggling not to be, please do not push him to his own breaking point cus your kids would suffer both parents going through frustration.
Please take the government job, it won’t be as stressful as the private one you were doing, also you can get to meet more customers for your egg business, you never can tell this may lead to a bigger empire.
Please communicate with each other, the best you can do when you feel drained is to talk and be each other’s strengths.
Poster, please send your wife this link so she can read responses.
Push up (original)
Dear poster, less I forget…
Deleteyou also need to create a plan for your finances, how to grow your career and make you a potential for better career opportunities.
Don’t create a routine of just working to pay bills, rather create a little saving for career growth.
Set a short and long term goal even for that egg business.
You both sha need to talk things out
Push up (original)
Reminds me of my cousin
ReplyDeleteThey act like they are looking for work but once you bring one, they reject it. They just want you to send them money
It seems your kids school is expensive. I suggest you find more affordable school
Don’t let the job go to waste. Ask if you can suggest another candidate then suggest your friend or family if your wife won’t take the job
A lot of us are out there looking for job and someone is rejecting the one giving to her. Life no balance at all. Poster may God fulfill your good heart desires.
DeleteWife may not be inclined to govt work as it involves a lot of high service and fetishism, Trust me politics go enter. Just talk to her and agree on a way forward so that finances can be shared and burdens lifted. The Lord is with your home
DeleteWife may not be inclined to govt work as it involves a lot of high service and fetishism, Trust me politics go enter. Just talk to her and agree on a way forward so that finances can be shared and burdens lifted. The Lord is with your home
DeleteWhy should she have that negative perception about the government work? So everyone who works there get fetish things they do? To run business too don’t you know fetish issue is also involved? So would you say all business owners are fetish too?
DeleteDrop this negative mindset abeg
She can combine both the job and her business. Trust me, most of this local govt offices don't do much. Talk to her. You guys can combine both t
DeleteMy sentiments exactly. Nothing stops are from doing both. Atleast let her give tgw job a chance.
DeleteI’m in this kind of selfish marriage where the woman hides her money and lies about what she earns and then put all the bills on my pay at the end of the month.I am not a man that snoops but the truth always comes to me without stress and that’s how Iv been able to find out a lot of stuff. Im going to leave soon and opt to pay child support and take care of extra stuff for my kids so she can start feeling it.A lot of women do this nonsense abroad and it’s not nice.Man will be working for years with nothing to show for it and woman will be building houses everywhere.
ReplyDeleteWow, is there any other bad thing she does aside this? Can you sit her down and talk to her? What about her friends coz I know say na them dey ginger her? Pls do not leave till you ve tried to make it work
DeleteGuy, shine your eyes in that partnership you call marriage. Better save for rainy day.
DeleteAnonymous, you said your wife is not supporting you with her money, please are you open with your finances as well.
DeleteI will not lie to you, you have a horrible wife! A very horrible one. How can anyone be comfortable leaving all expenses for a husband on 84k salary. It’s a different case if she does not have any job offer but to see one and turn it down on such excuse! Mbanu!
ReplyDeletePoster, you have to find a way to make her see how wicked her decision is because I honestly don’t know what else to tell u.
Kai!
ReplyDeleteThis chronicle touch me.
I pray your helper locates you fast in Jesus name.
Its sad to know that someone who is supposed to understand better are those doing the most. She can do every other thing but denying you sex which is your right as far as she is well is uncalled for. Have a heart to heart talk with her, let her know what you want and the consequences if she does otherwise. By the way, how is her egg business fairing? You can also assist her in it to grow it. God will send you the help you need.
ReplyDeleteYour wife no try at all
ReplyDeleteShe should have accepted the job offer from the APC man na
So she now wants to be a full housewife?
Na wa o
God please open the eyes of this man's wife. God please 😭😭😭.
ReplyDeleteOga, I hope your wife would reply.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I am a man.
Dear Poster I think you should understand where your wife is coming from.. Maybe the house work is too much for her to bear.. but remind her that the LGA job will allow time for herself and business then help her more at home..
ReplyDeleteFor the denying you see, talk to her about it and let her know how it affects you.
Understand what?? who in nigeria doesn’t know govt jobs are flexible especially local govt jobs.
DeleteShe can even opt to go 3 times a week if she explains her situation like distance and kids.
Exactly, the job is a plus to their family..
DeleteOga don’t kill yourself o, you are the man of the house put your foot down and tell her to take the offer. Make you no go die before your time with expenses.
ReplyDeletePls look for a more affordable school for your kids and try to cut down expenses.
You need to take a stand as the man of the house, let her take the job
There is no stand, if she doesn't understand why, she will mess it up and the neighbor who helped will be angry
DeleteI hope the man has tried something funny towards your wife before? Speak to any reasonable elder sister of hers
By the way housework is stressful so assuming she should open laps when YOU want is ridiculous, prep her mentally by being more involved in housechores consistently
Poster how come you still carry 💯 of the family financial responsibilities when you said your wife is selling eggs. Is she not making any profit from the eggs?. So many people who have worked under people before and venture into business find it difficult to take another appointment rather they prefer to build the business and watch it grow. No need for quarrel. Slowly but steadily drop her former responsibilities to her.. When the next gas finish. Tell her you don't have money to fill it. No argument, just insist till she fills it. When the next rent renewal approaches, start complaining early and ask for her assistance. Put an eye in her business. Help her do supplies some times. Encourage her. Moreso remember there is nothing God cannot do. Pray
ReplyDeleteIf your husband starts dropping responsibilities for you like you just advices this poster to, will you like it?
DeleteMy opinion, if these woman had agreed to marry you as well started from scratch with you, I don't think she is wicked and selfish. It may be that you have hurt her and she wants you to pay for it, it may be that she feels you are not open with your finances, how did you also treat her when she was working, did you show that you appreciated her efforts while contributing to the families upkeep, some men don't appreciate their wives at all and makes it look like they can do it without her, that's why many women decide to leave the man to do it himself without minding if he is stressed out or not. I feel there is a way you should be able to talk to her nicely and make her see how the financially responsibility is draining you. No, woman wants to suffer, if she loved you enough to marry you from the scratch and if you have been faithful she won't want you to die of stress and BP. So amend your ways if you have been unfair to her, also available pray to God before you go talk to her if you are genuine. If the reverse was the case, this is what I would also say. You have only spoken your own sides of the story, if she was given an opportunity too, we can fully judge what is wrong. I personally don't think she is a bad and wicked wife.
ReplyDeleteA woman who repays her husband by living with him in poverty is a witch.
DeleteMaybe she is making more money from her business than known to the Poster, or maybe she believes Poster's new job is paying than he disclosed here.
If she is not making much money from her business, then she is suffering herself to repay whatever you believe Poster did to her. In that case, she is better off leaving the marriage
I am speechless. Please poster talk to her again, if she still refuses without a guinue reason involve her family in this matter. If nothing is done, please think of separation or leave the house for her. This is a total wickedness on her part.
ReplyDeleteThis Chronicle! Local Government work that you can combine with your business and grow your connections in and out of the office with opportunities of getting space as staff to the Local Government, because most Local Government are responsible for shops and space allocation in markets and garages under ther supervision.
ReplyDeletePeople are just being blinded folded, some jobs are not just for the sake of salary. Even, entrepreneurs answer yes Sir/Ma everyday to their clients.
Some people with their thoughts and perspectives are terrible. To make money isn't easy and humanity is very paramount.
Manner no dey fall from heaven.
God bless you.
DeleteThe local government job won't be as hectic as the other job she just left, she can take up the job and still run her business as a side hustle. It'll improve the living condition of the family greatly. Just try and sit her down, speak to her and get her to try and understand where you're coming from
ReplyDeleteSome women are very lucky but they don't know that.
ReplyDeletePoster, have you tried to find out what kind of job the local government job is? what will the salary be? you might take the job yourself if its good enough,
ReplyDeleteI don't think your wife knows what job security means, government work is the best although the salary is small but the benefits are to die for. I think you should sit her down and explain what it means to work in a government office.
ReplyDeleteShe can even start a business in the office there supplying goods to her colleagues to pay at the end of the month.
Even as an entrepreneur I use yes sir/ma for my clients. It's now part of me no matter how young or old the person is.
Some people are so lucky sha
AVo d
ReplyDeleteYou don't have a wife but a burden at home, only a stupid woman does nothing but sit at home nowadays when the economy is harsh on even the rich, She's a wicked lazy woman not to be bothered about her husband going through stress just to provide.
ReplyDeleteI so much detest such lazy women that do nothing to assist their 'not so rich' husband
Nawa for you o, why sounding so harsh like this?? Independent woman weldone o
DeleteAnon, but it's true na. Does she want to send the man to an early grave with all the stress ?
DeleteAnon 20:10
DeleteI work and contribute to my home, I'm not a liability like you . Go learn a trade or something and be useful to your husband.
Teacher Nk
My dear don't mind that lazy woman, people like her can't cook a full pot of soup without her husband's money, her type will suffer once the man dies cause she can't hold her side
Abeg temper justice with mercy..abeg.lol
DeleteI hope you get to see this, pls if your wifr refuse to take the job, I will advise you resign and take the government Job. alot of opportunity will come with plus it is flexible and you may think of other business to run along with the government.
ReplyDeleteThis!!!
DeleteGbam! Poster this is what you should do. Take this govt job and grow a business with your wife. You’ll have more flexibility. Also, if wife needs help around the house, get a nanny when you guys have cut down expenses. Goodluck.
DeleteEncourage her to take the job and both of you can do the egg Buisness over the weekend. And help out in the house.
ReplyDeleteYour wife is a dunce, sorry to say. Government work that she can still do her egg business side by side. Please, na Mumu you marry. Same advice I'd give if the shoe were on the foot, apply it.
ReplyDeleteThis Life no balance, while people like us are looking for Govt jobs, your wife rejected the one she got on a platter. A case of Olori ko ni fila
ReplyDeleteI just hope baba Apc isn't eyeing your wife that's why she dodged the offer because I don't trust this job offer thing coming from a neighbour that may not be trusted. It is well. Before you make any decision just pray about it. I once took a govt job and boy it became hell for me had to quit and move to amultinational company by the grace of God. My chronicle na another story for the day. Na God save me, so please dear poster spiritually inquire if the job is a good path before you or spouse leap. It is well. Amen
ReplyDeleteThat's another angle. Don't push your wife into the arms of another man. I don't trust most of these politicians. They collect people's wives o.
DeleteI wondered how close they were to the man that he singled his wife out for the job. Unless they asked him to help them get a new job, I can’t help but wonder why he chose her. He didn't have anyone else that has been on his neck for a job?
DeleteShe can combine the local government work and her egg business. It will even help her expand her market coverage.
ReplyDeleteLocal government work is usually flexible.
I hope she sees reason in what you are saying. There is no demand to go early to work. She will make extra income.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
Poster talk to your wife as honestly as possible and tell her you can't continue this way for long. Because as it is, she seems thoughtless.
ReplyDeleteI go through almost the same stress you do, only that I don't have a wife cooking, cleaning, homework, seamstress, nurse looking after the children and their different temper and tantrums then sex on demand.
I don't have time for myself.
I don't have a wife. It's just me.
I always wonder when men talk about wife refusing sex being such a MAJOR issue tho. I have a very stressful life but I don't see how adding regular sex will make it easier. It's quite interesting to see how men can buy mansions, private jet lifestyle just for sex of how many minutes then back to the stress of life. Maybe its the difference between men and women.
Anyway back to the chronicle, taken a two (2) day leave and codedly watch your wife's routine with house work and the children. If it is hectic then reconsider how best to make a happy home. If her schedule is stress free, have an honest talk to her and tell her not to force you to do what she won't like. Or to do what you can't take back.
Tell her ho ha so whatever she sees, she can pinpoint the period that she gaffed
We really need to create a better system on earth. The present one is running so many ppl into the ground and the joy of living is removed from the hearts of so many. Too much poverty, too much struggling. Even the once lauded middle class is slowly eroding.
ReplyDeleteI would suggest a long talk with your wife. Seems like she is going through a mini depression. Children always think their lives will be so much better than their parents, many are finding they are able to do even less for their own kids than their parents did for them. It is a hard knock to have to live a life that was never dreamt for. All the best to everyone in the struggle.
So much wisdom in a comment. God bless you . Poster, use the art of communication. A lot of woman will change their minds after a good communication session.
DeleteJust bear with her woman can be in depression when things are difficult for them ,talk with her about the reasons of not taking the job but uses persuasion and try to get more work?yours is even better mine is not that ok with 50k and good wife we still get along and as per sex pls hold body for now stress with sex can't go together for a woman ,sorry for you even if you are thinking of getting somebody outside is it out of 85k you will be doing that ?no dont
ReplyDeleteThis man is not sounding like someone that helps his wife with house chores. Do you even help your wife prepare the children for school while she makes breakfast or you leave her to do everything.
ReplyDeleteYour wife maybe afraid of getting pregnant especially as you guys don't have enough. She may even be wondering how you are managing to get erection despite all the stress. Negodu wahala.
Do you have a maid? When she was working, were you splitting the chores with her 50/50? Have you considered that she's tired? It's not easy to run a home alone and still work. That's one of the most stressful position you can find yourself. Already, running the home is a full time job.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, I must commend you for being a good husband and father who provides for his family, that's what a real man does. Your righteous indignation is totally justified. However, can you look at things from the angle of your wife? I'm guessing you married her because you felt she was/is the right lady for you, no? If there's a shift in her baseline from a behavioral perspective, you should deduce that there are underlying issues.
ReplyDeleteIt's a pity that in this part of the globe, counselling by qualified professionals is rarely ventured, if at all. Both of you would have benefited from counselling. Your wife is running on empty, not just physiologically but psychologically. Men are natural compartmentalisers, women are not. She isn't going to want sex when she is upset or resents you for whatever reason(s). Ever heard of the "no romance without finance" mantra? It carries more credence than people are willing to accept.
Dear sir, this is just a rough patch in your marriage caused by financial challenges. Her outbursts is her way of venting and releasing tension. I'm sure she still loves you and desires you, she's just frustrated. If she doesn't want to work under anyone, support and encourage her business. Both of you can discuss and plan for new business ventures that are lucrative.
Please, don't cheat out of frustration, you may end up worse off and full of regrets. That's marriage for you, you don't chicken out at the slightest resistance, you soldier through the challenges. Just be more tolerant, show more tenderness. Tell her and show her how much you love her. Help with the kids as much as you can. She will start responding positively. Yours is not a hopeless situation, I believe you can work through this. Just keep your head up and keep looking for a better job. I wish you the very best.
Hmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteLocal government jobs are not stressful. Infact, she can handle her business alongside the job. Most of these LGA workers are ghost workers, I wonder why she is being difficult.
ReplyDeleteYou need to sit your wife down and have a heart to heart discussion with her and make her see reasons why you both need a soft landing by having something doing. Your wife has enjoyed staying at, she has seen another side of life with is having a business. She will not want to return back to working for someone since she already got a business experience.
ReplyDeleteIf you speak to her to take the local government job but she refuses, please let her also make her own contribution from the money she make from the egg she is selling. Share the house expenses into and allow her make her own contribution anyhow she want to make it
In your decision with her let her know that you will be changing your children school to a cheaper one since the load is much on you. 115k for a family is too small as monthly income. She should tell her siblings to empower her so that she can support her family with her business. Local government jobs has less stress than private jobs. She can take the job and still continue her business. You guys need enough money and you need more source of income.
Let your wife understand that you need s** to at least ease the stress of your work. She saying nope to that will add more injury to your wound
Poster take the job offer as it’s more flexible l and you can work your way up and even start a side business. Don’t let this job offer go please.
ReplyDeleteWell it also depends on how often they pay them o because these govt don’t pay on time compared to private companies. You guys shd really have a sit down conversation asap.
DeleteHelp with the housework and children..lets start with that. How can she be dropping children at 5 am then when you resume later on if not that you left children work and house chores to her..that woman is tired and you are here talking about she denying sex once in a while. You are even lucky its once in a while..suppose it was three times in a while?
ReplyDeletePoster it might just be that that man is chasing your wife and that job is just a plan to have her closer to himself. Something you're unaware of.
ReplyDeleteI'd advise that just as you have stated your predicament here, state it to your wife as well. She seems like a responsible woman, a good wife and mother so please just discuss this with her
What kind of audacity made you think you could marry and live happily ever on a monthly salary of N84k? Maybe if your proposed wife was earning N500k then, but N84k and N70k, it's a travesty, you too should be jailed for poor decision making. And you have children, not child. Add endangering minors to the charge. Nonsense.
ReplyDeletePoster with these kind of finances, you will hardly stay happily married, and that's the honest truth.
ReplyDeleteI am the poster.
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your advice. I thought your viewpoint was interesting, and I had not considered it before. I know that your thoughts will help me greatly in my decision-making.
Sincerely, my prayerful wife do assist in her own little ways from the sales she makes from her egg business but it would have be a great relieve for me if she has accepted the local government job offer.
For peace to reign, I always avoid to argue with her because her Yes is Yes while her No is No.
Pardon me to blow my trumpet. I am a loving, romantic husband and a good Dad. After marriage before we start to make babies I used to assist with the house chores. I clean up the whole apartment just to make everywhere sparkle and tidy as i cannot stand a dirty environment. I go to the market to buy all stuff needed to make stew for the house and do the cooking once in a while. I taught her how to cook porridge beans, rice and beans mix together which she appreciate. I am good in bargaining and I love shopping (BVs, please don’t get it twisted I am not a stingy man). Immediately I noticed her abuse all these privileges, I stopped going to the market. Till date from my little income or financial assistance gotten from folks or siblings I do buy her necklace, lingerie’s online and clothes the children. I love to see my family look good. To burst your bubbles, wifey hardly wear all these stuff while we both home alone.
SEX. To all ladies in the house. Please what can be the cause? I cannot recollect the last time I kissed my wife. During foreplay or normal day she does not allow me to kiss her. To suck her breasts, is by fire by force. I was only permitted to lick her plate once and she too gave me BJ in return this is over 10 years now. The only style she loves is missionary and doggy. Give Daddy cowgirl…mba. I have said it to her face before that all the ladies I dated before I walked her down the aisle none of them never deny me to suck their breasts instead they enjoy it when suck.
My tired is tired.
Thanks and God bless you all.
@ Stella: Gracias and more blessings upon you and your households. I have mailed you as requested.