ADOPTED TERROR
Please don't judge me house.
Please don't judge me house.
I accidentally found out that I was adopted. My parents have a 45 year old biological son, I'm 30 and my other sibling a male, adopted too is 14.
The reason for this story is that, I made life hard by being deliberately difficult to my adoptive parents, I hardly call or associate with them since I found out, my mom said I must have gotten my ungrateful blood from my real parents who threw me away on a dump.
I was hurt and went on a stubborn streak for years. Our elder brother doesn't even talk to me, he's more closer to the 14 year old who's more level headed, he knows he's adopted too.
Now I want to get married, my parents are supportive despite my harsh treatment to them over the years, but my elder brother is cut off, doesn't even talk to me.
I've tried to come close, he just treats me like stranger. He even takes the lastborn on trips, infact he lives with him.
I am a lot calmer now as I grew older. I saw the error of my ways, but he can't seem to let go that I disrespected our parents so much.
He never disciplined me, maybe if he did, I would've turned out differently. I'm still sad that I don't know who my biological parents are.
Preparations for my wedding are in top gear, but my elder brother wants nothing to do with it. I feel bad, even my parents are in no hurry to reconcile us. They are old, if they pass on today, my elder brother will close the door on me, I won't have any sibling to visit or call because he makes sure I don't come close to the 14yo boy whom he has taken like his child.
He's married with kids, but you'd think the boy is his first child. How do I mend this animosity? Or do I just let go and accept my fate?
Hmmm this is a tough one.... You should however be ready to accept how this all plays out cos you cant force it more than it can go..... Why dont you get his number and send him a long whatsapp message? He may block you but he will eventually read it..
He is blocking you from the younger boy so that you dont corrupt his mind, will you blame him? You didnt really go into details of what you did but it must have been really bad......
Also discuss with your parents about this thing and let them know that you are really changed cos it all looks like you are trying to reach out because you are getting married and hey, no one likes to be used!#I wish you good luck in trying, dont give up easily!
This na old chronicle na. Pls sir/ma go back to that dumpster maybe you can find your parents there. A couple adopted your ungrateful arse you’re showing dem shege for what na? Ingratitude truly is hereditary. Oshisco
ReplyDeleteVery very ungrateful. Anon 15:05 said you should go back to the dumpster that you might find your parents there and I support it 💯. People like you can’t make even the tiniest sacrifices.
DeleteSluttychic.
Poster I saw nowhere in your chronicle where you gave your heartfelt apologies to your parents or siblings. You took those people for granted. Do the needful.
DeleteDear poster
DeleteI don’t know if it’s an abandonment spirit you carry but you don’t really acknowledge your faults.
“May be if he had disciplined me”
“Only if they had reconciled us”
You are an adult and so is your brother, when you went on your “stubborn streak” your parents respected you, now you don’t want them to respect him, they should force him to accept you after all the hurt you caused your parents?
Healing is not magic, it can’t happen at the snap of your fingers, you cut yourself off and still looking for who to blame for letting you be.
Go to your elder brother, kneel down and ask for forgiveness, cry if you must, if that’s how much he means to you, but if you know it’s because of free trips or you are too proud, kindly face your front.
Maybe you can beg his wife to beg him, beg your parents too to help.
Push up (original)
Yes...oh let her go search for "real family" in the dump trash where they belong! I don't blame the older brother for blocking & deleting her twisted existence!!! Na her type dey bring generational problems, bad blood, hating in a family. Obviously her problem is spiritually deep, the madness of not realizing the divine grace & everlasting mercy, blessings of the opportunity for new beginnings in life, favors from destiny helpers who are strangers (good adoptive parents) with unconditional love.
DeleteCalm down people. Many adopted people react like she did when they find out. Poster send ur elder brother a heartfelt WhatsApp message explaining everything. That’s the most u can do and pray he understands. It wasn’t easy for him as well. I know this cos I have family adopted from the orphanage and it wasn’t easy when they found out. It took years but las las. We are all reconciled and I love them to the moon and back.
DeleteYou knew what you were doing when you started it, it's now time to live with the consequences. Your adoptive parents, God bless them do not deserve the treatment you gave them. You have to accept your fate and move on with your life.
ReplyDeleteIf only some parents will have the mind to reveal things to the kids they welcomed in their homes as theirs eh, some will be calming down.
DeleteKeep begging
First of all, go specifically beg your parents and apologise for your errors and misbehaviour.
ReplyDeleteThat should be the only purpose of the visit. Nothing about marriage plans or anything else unless they raise it and insist it be discussed.
Of course you should follow applicable traditional mode of genuflection throughout your expression of apologies.
Then, you can apologise to your elder Brother by WhatsApp, or any other message platform available.
If he accepts your apology, gradually re-establish the family relationship as it grows without overloading him.
If he refuses to accept or contact you, let him be. He will open the door when he is ready or it will remain closed as now.
Meanwhile, continue onto your marriage. Apply lessons learnt in raising your children. Continue to keep in touch with your parents.
It is not easy. But it can be done.
Best wishes.
Mr. Mann
Mr Mann I love this advice
DeleteWhy do I feel you are a user .
ReplyDeleteAre you genuinely sorry or it's because you want to get married as stated. You want where you will direct your in-laws to be as your family...
You don't love these people. And it's really sad because of all the love they poured and are still pouring on you.
The first son can see through you and your motives that's why he isn't interested.
May God help your heart.
And I pray he deliver us from users, resources wasters and ungrateful people
If you have truly changed,not going through the hurts and betrayal from your real parents.
ReplyDeleteIf you have truly realized what this family did for you and accepting them fully regardless of the circumstances.
I will suggest,you go through your parents,go to them for forgiveness,if possible go with your pastor or someone they respect.
Let them know you're a changed person and you want to be family again with your parents and siblings.Let them see,don't pressure them that you have changed with time,I am sure things will go back to normal.
Good luck.
Focus on your
ReplyDeleteDon’t be one to see bad in life
You’re having a joyful occasion
Since you’ve reached out to him, Put this matter on hold and resolve it later
To be resolved later?. My dear. Do everything you can to resolve this matter now. If it entails putting your marriage on hold for some months please do it.. It's not easy being a one man mopol in marriage. Being in marriage where your in-laws know you have siblings that don't care about you will directly or indirectly affect you in future. You are the one that misbehaved. Go to God in prayers. Ask the holy spirit to help you. Use his wife, friends, pastor or Reverend father to get back to him. Be sincerely sorry. To be honest dear, in this journey of life, you need that man more than he needs you now.
DeleteSee your mouth, focus on you. After wedding what’s next, i too sound like a user
Delete17:49 you think If she keeps going to him, he will agree
DeleteSome people here already think she’s just doing this to have support at the wedding
Relax and take life step by step you’ll be much happier
You didn't do well with the harsh treatment you gave to those who took care of you, you acted ungrateful that was why your mu told you that hurtful word. Thank God you are getting married and make sure you adopt a child and see if that child will turn out to be cool-headed. Someone gave you life but when you find out, you became something else.
ReplyDeleteI will say that your brother is angry with your action, he is hiding your younger brother because you may spoil his mind and he too will misbehave. I sport him from hiding that one from you, you are a terrible son. Go to his house, go on your knee to beg him to forgive you. Talk to him and explain things to him how you felt then. Let him know it was a stupid decision to behave anyhow to your parent.
Involve your parent, and talk to your younger brother to please assist you. Talk to that your brother's wife and ask her to talk with him.
What were you expecting?
ReplyDeleteU started it,so enjoy it, this is one of the disadvantage of adoption,why many people still finds it difficult to go through with it..
Don't blame him,he may never forget or trust u but at least apologize and let him know how sorry u are..
Send massages,call for checkups,just show it that u are sorry..
Have u tried to beg ur parents and elder brother formally, there are some sensitive issues u don't just overlook, my dear call him and beg, u can persuade ur parents to use their influence and bring him home, call for a meeting and apologise for ur wrongs before u get married if not, ur wife will inherit the hatred.
ReplyDeleteThat guy will never forgive your ungrateful a*se. Some sins are not forgiven. Go and look for your biological siblings. Shege banza.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, whether they’ve moved on or not, you need to go and apologize to ur parents if you have not done this already, like serious apologies.
ReplyDeleteThen seek ur elder brother out for as long as possible and go to him and apologize. You had adoptive parents that treated u right and u messed it up. I’m not surprised their son is very upset. You really showed the ungrateful side of you. Seek real apologies from all parties you hurt
Her parents didn’t try too
DeleteThey owe her an apology
What do they mean by she’s behaving like the ones that put her in a dumpster
That was just terrible
Lol the way you dey calm and sweet sometimes ehnnn😂
DeleteAnon 16:03, maybe if she didn't start behaving like an ungrateful person, they'd never had uttered those words plus we don't even know the level she took the acting out to. It might have been really bad
DeleteWell 16:42 means apologies are warranted on all sides
DeleteThey are grown. Why will they ever say that to their child. The child that probably has some fondness for the birth parents she never saw.
What if I say they trained her to be like this? Why call her birth mother into it
You said you've tried to come close, but you didn't mention if you've sincerely apologised to both him and your parents. Have your actions also shown that you've turned over a new leaf? Why are you blaming your reckless and ungrateful attitude on him not disciplining you?
ReplyDeleteIt can be painful to find out that the people you called parents are not biological parents, but gratitude and love should be stronger than the hurt you feel. After all, biological parents abandon their children. Family is not only by blood.
Have a heart-to-heart with him AND your parents and kneel down and beg for forgiveness. Let them know you were acting out simply because you were dealing with some emotions of anger, abandonment, etc and that was the only way you knew to let it out. Acknowledge that you were wrong, thank them for taking care of you like their daughter (you never mentioned any form of abuse or cruelty so I'm guessing they were good to you?). Ask them how you can make everything better and how to make it up to them. Show self-awareness and maturity and they will soften up their their reaction to you, little by little.
Side note: if anyone reading this is thinking of adopting and is doubtful because they feel the child will grow up to be an ingrate, please kniw that adoption is beautiful, and you are not doing it out of a "Saviour complex", out of the need to save someone and make them indebted to you, but search yourselves and understand the motive for wanting to adopt. If you are Christian and believe that we have been adopted into the family of God and He has given us the right to call him Abba Father, then you have an understanding of what adoption is and why it is truly a blessing.
This ingrate right here is the reason a lot of people don't want to adopt.
ReplyDeleteNo advice for you
Take it easy on her please. At least she has realised her mistake (s)
DeleteMe sef I don't know how to forgive ungrateful people like this o. Nothing I hate with all my life like ungrateful, unappreciative people. Na she know o. Good luck to her.
DeleteThis is not the kind of matter to be approached via WhatsApp. Go and beg your parents well. Do it like the prodigal son did. Go with items and certain relatives, and prostate before them. Ask them to forgive you and bless you. After that, plead with them to call a meeting with your brother. Repeat same gesture as you did with your parents. Even if he tries to be stoic, keep pressing. Let them see the change in you.
ReplyDeleteThis advice is only applicable if you are truly and genuinely repented. If not, God will punish you well well.
Poster if you have really changed, then humble yourself, kneel and beg your parents. Ask for their forgiveness and tell them to pls reconcile you with your older brother. If you're sincere and persistent, he will eventually forgive you. Getting your family to let go of their hurt will not be easy but you have to be committed. I wish you well
ReplyDeleteAdoption dey fear person oh,na so one big woman for UBTH adopt one girl do this girl well,she go the best nursery,pry,and secondary sch for benin this girl grow finish become rebel dey call her adoptive mother barren woman to her face,any body wen come the house go comot cos dis girl go terrorize am.The woman dey regret
ReplyDeleteNa suffer never tire her o. The girl don reach 18 years? She crossed the line when she called her mother "barren"! Na that day I go disown am throway her load outside. Some parents dey disown their biological children sef; e come be person wey God send me to epp. Na this kain girl dem suppose tell wetin Poster mama talk without batting an eyelid. Make she go hustle see as life be fess whether her head no go correct after 3 months. Na the woman use over-pamperimg spoil that girl. Wobbish!
DeletePeople act like their biological children don’t say terrible things to them when they’re going thru a phase
DeleteIf I found out that I was adopted and my parents showed me so much love and took care of me, hmmm I will be eternally grateful to them.
ReplyDeleteExcept if there is a terrible story behind it such as stealing me as a baby.
So I really don't understand why you misbehaved.
But since you have realized your folly, look for a way and beg your elder brother.
You’d probably be annoyed that they lied to you
DeleteThe stats show that’s what happens
U truly got ur ungrateful blood from your parents that dump you if not why will you still be sad that you don't know your biological parents that doesn't want to have anything to do with you? Mr, go apologize to your parents and beg them to reconcile you with your brother cos whether you like it or not those are the only family you have, u might even meet your biological parents and they will still not be interested in having you in their lives
ReplyDeleteYou just assumed say na "Mr." write the post.
DeleteWhich one strong pass between Misogyny and Misandry?
God will heal all of you from hurt and disappoinment in Jesus name ,nobody is above difficulty only God is omnipotent
ReplyDeleteI think poster has realised the error of her ways. Apologise to your parents again. Also send your bro a heart to heart message on what's App or somewhere else.
ReplyDeleteThis poster was dumped in a dumpster. Think about what that does to the psyche. Lots of anger will most likely occur. Her parents didn't deserve the results but poster was young. She's grown now and knows better. All the best poster.
I know when people hear they are adopted, it brings forth lots of issues and questions. Questions like "who are my biological parents? , why didn't they want me, is that why my adopted parents are harsh?, where can I find my biological parents?"
ReplyDeleteThe fact that your 14 year old brother handled it well, it doesn’t mean you will. We are built differently. The mistake you made was to take it too far and start terrorising your innocent parents who loved you unconditional. Torturing them for the mistake of your biological parents. Transferring agression to people who you should treat with care.
YOU HANDLED THIS ISSUE LIKE SOMEONE bereft of any drop of intelligence.
Still they welcomed you back.
Your elder brother is probably angry because it seems your adopted parents loves you more and you don't even know it.
Go and kneel down to ask for forgiveness immediately. Beg your adopted parents, tell them you are sorry and behave accordingly.
Why bother about parents that dumped you? Your blood is your adopted parents.
THE BLOOD OF THE CONVENANT IS THICKER THAN THE WATER OF THE WOMB.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
I know when people hear they are adopted, it brings forth lots of issues and questions. Questions like "who are my biological parents? , why didn't they want me, is that why my adopted parents are harsh?, where can I find my biological parents?"
ReplyDeleteThe fact that your 14 year old brother handled it well, it doesn’t mean you will. We are built differently. The mistake you made was to take it too far and start terrorising your innocent parents who loved you unconditional. Torturing them for the mistake of your biological parents. Transferring agression to people who you should treat with care.
YOU HANDLED THIS ISSUE LIKE SOMEONE bereft of any drop of intelligence.
Still they welcomed you back.
Your elder brother is probably angry because it seems your adopted parents loves you more and you don't even know it.
Go and kneel down to ask for forgiveness immediately. Beg your adopted parents, tell them you are sorry and behave accordingly.
Why bother about parents that dumped you? Your blood is your adopted parents.
THE BLOOD OF THE CONVENANT IS THICKER THAN THE WATER OF THE WOMB.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
Your type is the reason why most people don't consider adoption. I don't know what to say because me sef dey vex
ReplyDeleteYour chronicle didn't specifically state if you were male or female. However, if you are male, make a vow to treat your wife right and raise godly and responsible children so that the family you are about to create will give you joy and peace in case this old one shuts you out finally when your parents are gone. If you are female, be absolutely sure too that you are not getting married only because you want to get away from your old family and the cloud you created over there.
ReplyDeleteYou need to speak with your parents respectfully and firmly about reconciling you with your brothers. Let them know that's the most important wedding present they can give you now. I pray that your brother finds it in his heart to forgive all the pain, regrets, embarrassment and frustration you caused the family. Some pains run deep and he may need more time to get over it. If every effort fails, leave him be. He'll reach out when he is ready to. I don't believe in forcing anyone to forgive. We hurt and heal differently. I am glad you owned up to your mess and didn't try to sugar-coat your faults. God be with you.
You did a bad thing to good people. You have to learn to live with the error of your ways. Give him time and little space. but you have a lot of work to do.
ReplyDeleteAlthough, I personally feel you're still unapologetic. Your writing tone sounds arrogant.
Very arrogant
DeleteFolks act like they are so perfect. The truth is none of us know how we would react if we suddenly found out that we were adopted. Not one knows what they would do in any stressful situation, until they are in it.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, even natural children have given their parents wahala. The expectation of perfection and worship from adopted children is bizarre to me. You have taken time for deep self reflection and recognized that you needed to change your stance and you went about doing that and trying to right your wrongs. Even the prisoner is free after serving their sentence. If you have made every attempt at redemption then there is nothing more that you can do. If your older brother does not want healing there is absolutely nothing you can do. You will not be able to do this for the rest of your life, especially since you are making a family of your own through marriage. Continue to heal the rift with your parents and accept that while wounds heal they all leave a scars, and sometimes things just never go back to what they once was. Instead of trying to get the old back. Work to build something new and better. No family is perfect and every family has their rough patch. Learn from your own experience and use it to be the best wife and mother that you can be. There is a lesson in every experience.
Exactly! Lots of 'natural children' give their parents wahala too. It's giving hero worship.A lot of adoptive children go through a turbulent phase after learning of their parentage. Imagine being told u were left in filth in a dumpster! This poster grew and evolved and is sorry.
DeleteYes o! Reading these comments makes me sad and realize that mental health awareness is really low in our country. This person went through PTSD, no therapy or mental health support, after finding out one of the most life changing, identity questioning events anyone can ever go through and all we are saying is he/she should be grateful. Did they ask to be born??? Do you realise that people like this can go through terrifying identity Crises that can even lead to suicide (God forbid). Thank God they are coming back to their senses but seriously we need empathy in our approach. Their so-called older sibling needs empathy too. He is a biological child so he can never feel what this poster feels. Even with the 14 year old, people deal with trauma differently so you shouldn't compare both person's handling of the news. Please let's try to be empathetic is the summary of my message
DeleteIf truly you are changed you need to apologize to your adopted parents and your elder brother too. Of course he had to take your younger brother so as not to be influenced by you .
ReplyDeleteTo me, you knod of sound you are trying to make amend because of your wedding and also not to loose out when your parents die. Its like your brother has seen what you are capable of doing hence the cutting you off.
If you were in his shoes you may do worse. So look for how to mend the fence you broke yourself.
Poster i doubt you genuinely apologized, You obviously need them now cos U don’t want to end up alone. If your real parents comes today, you will dump her adoptive family sharp sharp.
ReplyDeleteUngratefulness is in her blood l, she is a user and she herself knows it
Poster you have done bad, and ask God for forgiveness and also ask from your elder brother.
ReplyDeleteIt was not their fault they took you in.
I don't know how this feels,like to be adopted or .... but I believe that one should e grateful and shouldn't bother thinking about what their real parents look like or really is. Cos if they cared they would have long reached out.
In a whatsapp voice message send a voice note and a test to your elder bro, apologise and accept your fate. Then move on.
One day he will come around.
People usually wonder about the birth parents
DeleteAre these parents do delusional that they were not prepared that she might be angry upon finding out
Like seriously
This is becoming a pattern, I read of a young boy too,dealing with his adoptive parents physically and emotionally.
ReplyDeletePoster what was their crime in adopting and loving you? , Your ungratefulness has unfortunately opened a wound that might be difficult to heal, you have to properly apologize to your family, maybe call someone whom your elder brother listens to, I pray all works well for you. Coz no man is an island, You need a family especially now you're venturing into marriage.
My parents adopted a child, he has also been a terror to us. I can never adopt a child because of what this boy has done. He has caused the family so much pain and embarrassment. If a woman throws her child away, it is her business, I can never assist such child. The pain this boy has caused is too much. He doesn’t even know he was adopted. I wonder how he will react if he finds out
ReplyDeleteMake una tell am now, why hide it from the ungrateful being
DeletePls my younger brother put us thru a lot when he was in his phase. What does adoption of no adoption have to do with it
DeleteY’all need to stop
Poster pls be calm and keep pleading.they were hurt by your actions so all you can do is to ask for forgiveness, don't give room for pride.its well.
ReplyDeleteYou took a big gamble, lost both ways. Way out? Show genuine repentance to your adoptive parents, they probably will be convinced and talk to your elder brother. Your actions s one of the major reason people don't like to adopt.
ReplyDeleteI am like your elder brother.
ReplyDeleteOnce I give you gap, respect it because I will never allow you close to me in this life.
You can forgive someone but never allow them in your space in this life and beyond.
That's what your brother is doing.
Respect that.
Because he knows a leopard never changes its spots, it just adopts new styles and tactics to hide them.
They are the family you know/ have. Make peace with your brother, he is pained that you disrespect your adoptive parents. If you know he cannot give you audience, go to your parents, apologize to them and also tell them to help you to gain audience with your elder brother. In their presence, ask for his forgiveness. Respect him as he is older than you are. Peace of mind is everything.
ReplyDeleteWhere is the part you apologized to your parents or brothers I didn't see that part here...pls do that...
ReplyDeleteI'm almost convinced that you were the one that told your younger brother, the 14year old that he was adopted! You're too petty and I wish your elder brother can totally avoid your venom! The forgiveness you need the most should be from your parents, you're ungrateful and your ingratitude nature can also ruin your marriage. On a lighter note, pls do DNA with your fiance to avoid marrying your brother since you have no idea of whom your real parents are.
ReplyDelete