Hmmm...
ARROGANT OR NOT?
Please BVs tell me if I am arrogant or not because I don’t even understand anymore.
I am a single mom and there is this widower that I was/am dating. When we started he didn’t care for my needs 100% because I have a shop but he does very little (he is a very wealthy man) owns hotels and filling stations and a surveying office.
Well, 2yrs after dating him, he requested I moved in to one of his houses as he wants to marry me which I agreed because I was madly in love as against so many people advise even his family frowned against it.
When I agreed to marry him was when trouble started, any little thing he will say that I am sleeping around even to my younger ones he doesn’t trust me which caused a lot of issues between us until we had a 1 yr break(was still living in his house) and I decided to re evaluate my life and be on my own until he came back apologizing.
He came back but did not apologize and make us analyze the cause of our separation rather he forced his way back to dating me, we started but the relationship wasn’t as before as I don’t have the spark I had then.
He tried to make me love him as before like telling me to ask whatever i want, I did but he still gave peanuts, he enrolled my daughter in a new school and paid for 2 terms yet I still wanted me and him to talk about what always causes issues but he is not ready instead he always accuses me of dating other men.
I got tired and moved out of his house to my parents, he begged me to come back but I refused and told him to do the right thing. He refused and withdrew all he does for my daughter.
I went for an event recently and saw him there I left my table to go greet him on my 2 knees. What I heard after that is that I am too rude and arrogant and that he sent me packing because he caught me with a man in his house, the house I lived in with one of his siblings o!!!
Pls am i truly arrogant and proud in that sense or is it because I did not send my daughter’s bill to him anymore? I don’t understand pls fellow BVs.
From your Narration, this guy is bad news and there are too many red flags.. Just move on and let him go..If you go back to marry him, you will regret it deeply.... Forget whatever lies he is saying behind you, he is doing it to catch your attention.
If moving out and asking him to do the right thing makes you arrogant then let it be so..
Move on abeg
ReplyDeleteMove and don’t look back.
DeleteSomething light
Move on dear poster. Don't wear yourself out trying to understand everything.
ReplyDeletePoster
DeleteDo you even need someone to tell you that this man is evil.
I hate when men tell lies when a woman leaves just because they cannot stand rejection.
If you don’t know let me list his red flags; lies, insults, disrespect, throwing money at you, refusing to discuss the issues … wo
This man cannot make a good husband or father figure until he works on himself
You are not rude, that’s what men say when they are looking for someone to control. I think you should even cut all forms of communication
Push up (original)
Poster
DeleteDelete the useless man from your phone, memory , emotions and life. He is bad news , don't go greeting thrash, MOVE ON
Hustle and give your daughter the best.
DeleteMove on
Whatever relationship you're in,do not let it get to the point where you star questioning your sanity. You've gotten to this point Madam. Get out!
DeleteMy dear the man na bad news ,too many red flags that you must not ignore... keep it moving!
ReplyDeleteThis is a mess, better gather self respect and keep it moving . Man is rather toxic , manipulative and arrogant.
ReplyDeleteI think he is used to having people do whatever he asks of them and manipulating people with his wealth. And you left because you were not ready to dance to his tune.
ReplyDeleteFrom your post, I don't see any arrogance on your part; except if you left out some other details.
I believe you wouldn't tolerate half of all you've narrated if he was a random guy, just move on, people like him don't change and you will begin to have low self esteem.
ReplyDeleteMy dear run o, the man no be I'm.
ReplyDeleteCommunication failure and assumption. Both can frustrating to any potential Union. OP failed to clearly communicate her expectations with her man and assumed he should know what she wants. To her man, she came off as arrogant.
ReplyDeleteThere's no water to hold for anyone here. Immaturity on the path of both the man and the woman involved, killed the relationship.
How did she fail to communicate when he keeps avoiding any chance to communicate so they won’t point out his flaws and he won’t have to apologize
DeleteIt’s not fault of the poster please
He doesn't want to be accountable, he should hold his insecure and suspicious self abeg, NEVER BE TEMPTED TO GO BACK, HE IS A DESTROYER. Make he no kill you out of complex, low self esteem and jealousy, your daughter needs you alive
DeletePoster pls have some self esteem and move on. You’re not married and he’s accusing you like this. When you marry I assure you it will be X10 with beating
ReplyDeleteI don’t know why you are chasing after a man that truly doesn’t send u. Pls love yourself and your daughter enough not to give her a Dad like this
Zendaya
She is running after him and having emotional issues because she needs something from him.
DeleteI don't know what it is. But there is something.
She’s running after him due to the financial gains that’s all. If the guy poor, she won’t even tolerate a quarter of this shit. Women make your OWN money!!!!
DeleteMoney!
DeleteShe mentioned several times though she tried to cover it up.
It will be better for you to move on with your life, you're not arrogant but don't be desperate.
ReplyDeleteThis is a complete Narcissist. Run.
ReplyDeleteWhat exactly made you to go beg him on your knees and in a public place? Imagine the embarrassment he gave to you. Abeg forge ahead. This kind of man will trample on your dignity and self esteem if you try to marry him
ReplyDeleteAbiii. Shame catch me on her behalf. Why the hell would you do that poster? Because you’re broke and now you need his money for your daughters school or what?? Very embarrassing nonsense.
DeleteMoney. The money made her do. She is far less bouyant financially and she wants more financial comforts. Unfortunately, for the sake of her daughter’s education she did it. I kinda feel bad for her.
DeleteThe man is the arrogant one and you tolerated his bullshit,cos of his wealth. Please move on.
ReplyDeleteI want to understand what you mean by, he forced his way back into dating you.
ReplyDeleteHe use his money to force his way back into dating her. She had no choice than to fall yakata.
DeleteYou knelt down and greeted him? If u marry that man, you will so regret.
ReplyDeleteI felt somehow reading that part. Kneeling to greet someone I've slept/sleeping with? SMH
DeleteThe man is "his lordship". What value are you giving him? If you can't cope with master/servant relationship, take a long walk. Wait for your kind of man.
ReplyDeleteGbam. Unfortunately he’ll meet more women like poster and continue his behavior. A lot of naija women are desperate in this hard economy. They won’t mind the shit thrown at them. Place a value on yourself poster!
DeleteIf you love PEACE forget this man.
ReplyDeleteExactly
DeleteYou are both friends for benefit. No relationship here. You are there for financial benefit and he is there for fun/sex and will never treat you right. Try and empower yourself financially so you can take care of your daughter and not depending on any Man.
ReplyDeleteSomeone that has been doing most things for herself, she has a business now
DeleteThe poster is staying because of what she thinks she can get or deserves, maybe she thinks if they get married then she will have access to his money
Real master servant relationship
ReplyDeleteNo
DeleteSlave to money
Owner of money
His family don't want you, you would be self hating and professionally stupid to go near anything that has to do with him again
He's rude, please ask the father of your child to foot the bills or do it by yourself, else this man will continue to disrespect you.
ReplyDeleteHe will not change after marriage, he is stingy or using his resources on his immediate family.
If he can father your child now, I doubt he would in marriage.
You don't need this man in your life. You want peace and stability. This man will not give you any of this.
ReplyDeletePls leave him.
This man obviously has mental problems and issues with trust. I have found that the party making accusations of infidelity is usually the one cheating themselves. My dear, no amount of name and status can overcome the level of wahala marriage with this one would bring. He is tight fisted and always accusing you of cheating, what do you need help with deciding? Let him and his money be and face front. Yes, you loved him once and he tarnished it, take your treasure elsewhere, there is someone else who will appreciate it, he may not be as wealthy. Please put value on your inner peace.
ReplyDeleteBtw, the only reason he wanted you living in his house was so that you could be watched and monitored, it was not an act of generosity, but one of control.
Poster do not try to manage him
DeleteYou are not a mental hospital
Poster do not try to manage him
DeleteYou are not a mental hospital
Poster pls move on.this man doesn't love you.don't allow him waste much of your time anymore.
ReplyDeleteEmpower your self,get a job or learn a skill to generate income inorder to Carter for your self and daughter.its well.
He doesn't want to marry you, he wants you as a side chic
ReplyDeleteSo face your front unless you want to play around with him
Nothing to play, he wants a slave
DeleteWhy do you keep running after him though? You left your chair to go kneel down and greet him, as per what? Wife? You are simply one of his side chicks, coz he isn't getting married any time soon.
ReplyDeleteForget that fool who want to make you feel terrible about yourself, that man is not ready to marry you. He should keep his house, you should stay far away from him.
ReplyDeleteThe man will abuse you if you go ahead to marry him. He is trying to get your attention, please do not allow him to come close to you and your daughter.
After break up, you ran into him at an event, then went ahead to greet him by kneeling down to the glaring eyes of all.
ReplyDeleteNah wah🚶🚶🚶🚶
🤦♀️🤦♀️
DeleteCultural greetings to someone older with some financial means
DeletePX
Please don't go ahead and marry him,the red flag is obvious,from your narration,i dont dont think you are compatible,your man will come.
ReplyDeleteLike Stella said, please run and dont loom back.Your right up dosent sound arrogant but this may be ur side of the story and you might have arrogant tendancies.Either ways, when a man constantly accuses u of cheating and you havent, 90percent of the time they have cheated and their guilty conscience always thinks u have or they are trying to get your mind aways from theirs.Run, establish yourself, work on your flaws, focus on your daughter.When you are ready, the right man for you will cone along
ReplyDeleteProjecting cheating
DeletePoster cut off , walk away, never ever look back
DeleteAbeg tell them Nigerian women @ Nitrogen 🙄! Using another person's daughter to stress someone else! Does your daughter not have a father? Please focus on your child and leave the useless man alone. Have you knelt down on your two legs to ask God for direction? Please make God your source.
ReplyDeleteYou can see that all comments says leave him and move on .go back to him for free accommodation, free school fees but rest assured he's not going to change for you.
ReplyDeleteNothing is free, her peace, health and even life may pay the price. DONT GO BACK TO SLAVERY AND BONDAGE
DeleteIt's well.
ReplyDeleteYou said he's a widower. When the dead start talking, you will understand the shege that the late wife suffered in his hands.
ReplyDeleteHe's the arrogant one here. What about his children? Can you blend with them?
Technically, you were arrogant because you did not play by the rules of relationship between the both of you.
ReplyDeleteYou are or were the only person in love in the relationship
He understands what he wants you for and the rules of it. But you do not know (he reads your ignorance as arrogance) or you act as if you do not know maybe because the pay is smaller than expected (which anybody may interpret as arrogance)
To make matters reach see finish, you stayed in his house during the one year break. When he thought you had learned your lesson,and was paying fees, you were still asking for definition of relationship. What definition. What relationship other than s3x for benefits - home, fees for your daughter, and any stipend as may drop. That's why he said you were arrogant. Not that you were arrogant in attitude.
In the life never be dependent on anyone. He thinks he has the upper hand and can treat you anyhow. Please move on and don't look back no matter the amount of sweet talk. Love is kind.
ReplyDeletePoster
ReplyDeleteDid you find out what killed his wife?
You went to kneel and greet him so that he can give you money or ask you to see him later or what? Someone that you have broken up with?
Why do you want him to marry you with all the red flags above? You prefer to cry in a mansion abi?
I know you will still follow your heart, if he comes to beg you tomorrow and propose, you will still jump at him , your story doesn't sound like you don't want him again, you said you want him to marry you. I pray that God opens your eyes and you see the type of man you are waiting for to come and do "the right thing".
@Suave, na d man wahala kill d wife & this one wants to shook head. Be like say dem swear for some Nigerian women...
DeleteOh I wanted to read that you saw him on an event and dodged or ignored ,heii you knelt down sikwanu na Gini mere, say wetin happen biko I just shame on your behalf,poster I beg you trash him in the dustbin ,you see most times pple know the reason why you re sticking around ,that's why he is danglingthat money peanuts to you.
ReplyDeleteIf you love yourself equip yourself of na supermarket source for direct vendors for your mkt, improve your marketing,do anyty legal to sustain yourself and your kids beliy me he will park and leave your life while at it block him ,don't entertain any meeting with him cos he will so rubbish you, imagine at your age with all the stress you passed thru one yeye man is rubbishing you with what I don't know taa he should getaaway in my Igbo voice mtchew
Madam leave the man alone & work hard God will bless you
ReplyDeletePlease how did he force his way back to dating you? Let’s stop accepting bullshit cos of money, that’s why you need to have your own money and not seat around waiting for a man,there are many single mothers out there hustling for their children on their own,now you stomach all these rubbish he does because he takes care of your daughter and you want him to include you, does your daughter not have a father, if her father is not doing his duties get up and look for a Job or start a business,stop waiting around to be used as a doormat, you even had to go kneel down and greet him 😑for what na??
ReplyDeleteHe knows his power over you is money and he is using it to his advantage.
My advice go back to your parents house,hustle and have your own money, take care of yourself and your daughter, you will not be taking such rubbish from some people when you have your own money.
Dear writer are you sure this guy is not my ex-husband, run o. Even his family tried warning me that he is a bad news but I still put head. When water pass garri with enough beating na me run comot and now he tells everyone who cares to listen that I left him so as to sleep around with men as I feel so arrogant to stay with him and enjoy wealth.
ReplyDeleteAda Agu
Who cares what a destructive man says, na him get his mouth, rubbish!
DeleteComport yourself well, ignore what ever nonsense he is saying, press ignore
DeleteDon't be angry, pity how low and desperate he is
That’s not love, it’s control and disrespect. He gives you peanut now trust me if he marries you he will make sure that you are financially dependent on him and that you don’t have a source of income, BA there you go see shege. Run as fast as your legs can carry you. There are just too many red flags.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how Nigerian women will see utterly useless men, as in completely utterly useless, and still be asking stoo.pid JAMB questions.
ReplyDeleteMe sef tire o 🤣🤣
DeleteFinancial insecurity is one of the poster’s problems. Nigeria is tough enough, being a single mom is not easy. Many are looking for rich older men but fail to ask questions until it’s too late. What truly happened to his wife? Sometimes I read some chronicles and wonder if sone women dont know what romantic love looks like. This isn’t a romantic relationship but some warped Financial & sexual relationship where he looks down on you & assumes because you are a single mom he can slut-shame you and be believed.
ReplyDeleteStop looking for a financier when you should look first for a lover. Men know when it’s their money you are after. This one seems like he knows & has no feelings or respect for you. Work hard to be financially capable of paying your daughter’s school fees as it seems the biological dad isn’t capable from your write-up. Not all rich men make their wealth available to the women in their lives, as unbelievable as it sounds, move to your family home, serve God, flee fornication and he will send your own man that will love, provide & appreciate you in Jesus Name.