Hmmm...
RED FLAGS BEFORE THE WEDDING..
I read the chronicles of a lady who posted that she had issues with her mum in-law some weeks back. Felt I should share mine. I am a Christian, and I attend one of the most popular Pentecostal churches.
My fiance also attends another branch of the church in another state so I felt like that was a plus for me. Immediately after the family introduction, we decided to discuss the wedding date and all. His mum insisted we do the wedding 2 months after introduction which I immediately countered and refused. Told her I needed enough time to plan, and also need to inform my pastor as the protocol demands that we do marriage counseling, run some tests and other necessary things. She suggested that we don't do church wedding and we can only do traditional which I immediately refused.
It's my choice and I don't see any reason why I shouldn't go for church wedding. They said my partner and I should deliberate and get back to them. They traveled back home and in the night, my partner said they have held a meeting in their house and we should go for what his mum said. I stood my ground and said no, I don't want to be rushed. I need at least 4 months as my work is demanding and I need to manage work and wedding plans.
We finally agreed on a date but I noticed my guy was playing some sort of trick about the church wedding. Don't know if it's due to the influence of his parents or he just didn't want church wedding. In the course of preparation, he said he had reservation about using the church (same church he attends o). Then when I started buying clothes, materials and other accessories for my wedding, he will always complain of me not calling his parents or siblings to update them on what I will wear. I told him it's strange and they really don't even need to know the color I chose.
He will complain about not visiting them during this wedding preparation period. Na me dey do all the wahala, na me go dey call or visit your people. Is it bad if your people call and tell me well-done? He keeps pestering me to visit his parents, we live in different states and I keep reminding him that I am always on the move. Any available time for me right now is to rest. He said his parents just like to have people around them.
I told him that my parents are older than his parents and none of their children stays with them, is it my own parents that doesn't like people around them? He said that's how his family is wired, if I don't call them, they won't call me. Before the intro, I saw a fertility drug in his car but I didn't ask. I later got to know he went to carry out a fertility test (is this normal for a single man)?
I have a feeling that he's running from carrying out the series of tests that the church wants us to carry before marriage. is this guy hiding something? Plus at this point, I don't know if I can take the excesses of his family members. Wedding is in two months but I wanna quit.
*See drama oh...Please if you are seeing red flags, quit as soon as possible...
Why would he be doing a fertility test on himself Is he suspecting he has no sp#rms? . GOD ABEG!!!!
Red flag oh. Red flag
ReplyDeletePls quit if it seems suspicious o
DeleteHow will a true Christian be running away from a church wedding, so weird, he probably has issues and his family is backing him up.
Why get married, why not open up and treat all issues and go into marriage blissfully?
Calling your in-laws shouldn’t be a big deal though, call them as much as you can, but don’t go out of your way to visit, it’s not necessary
Please if you do not have peace, kindly talk about it and pause it for the time being.
Push up (original)
Run run run
DeleteBest wishes as you prepare for the wedding. It appears you have a picture of how your wedding should be and not willing to make any compromise. Your fiance is what Dante will refer to as a SIMP because it's obvious you don't regard his family nor his opinion, neither do you trust him.
DeleteThe very thought of quitting the relationship reveals the depth of love that exist...
1. Your fiance doesn't really want a church wedding, hence the foot dragging.
2. Communicating with his parent is very important to him (it doesn't matter if you don't emphasise same value with your parents)
3. Living apart in different states/long distance relationship-I am guessing, you don't know a lot of things about your intended, ditto same about you. (Calm down and learn with an open mind/prayers).
4. How you navigate this will contribute to how the marriage works, sensible discussions of wilful decisions
5. I suspect you know why he doesn't want church wedding, it was just expedient to leave it out when sending your chronicle.
6. 6. Don't marry him if you know deep within you that he has too many baggages(family etal), just break up jejely and face your business.
In all, prepare more for the marriage but do due diligence and ensure you take your marriage certificate even if it is traditional ceremony (that's the legal proof that you are married indeed!)
Anon 21:19, what happened to her fiance voicing his opinions right from time? Why is he hiding under family's shadows to make decisions about his life? I absolutely agree he is a simp, and this is not about the wife to be disregarding family members.
DeleteDuring wedding prep, shouldn't the bride and groom to be be the ones to decide when and how they want it?
Abeg abeg.
Poster,you are already seeing the red flags. Halt wedding plans for now. Your man seems to be a version of Hakim the footballer. Why must everything be according to what his family wants? I don't get it when men use that line of 'my people said bla bla bla and that's how it has always been' as if the woman doesn't come from a family too. If he is having fertility challenges, his family will use you as the scapegoat and frustrate the shit out of you. Abeg pause all wedding plans now. This man and his people no pure at all.
ReplyDeleteGbam, gbamer, gbamest. Poster run oh. They're covering up something. Challenge them oh. Very soon they'll be frustrating someone's daughter in the marriage. Mehn, transparency has so become difficult to come by.
DeleteThey are definitely hiding something.
ReplyDeleteGuy has probably even been married before.
Fertility issues might not even be his only problem.
They are trying to put wool over your eyes. Speed up the marriage rites before you'd detect or pick up on any wrong thing.
Besides all the aforementioned, they are toxic.
Abeg...japa. Abort mission. Run!
Some people like fast wedding
DeleteThey don’t see what she’s still planning
Na to call people chop rice and that’s it
Nope anon 17:29, this is very suspicious, poster run oo, run.
DeleteFertility tests could be a red or green flag. This is very serious. Why is he dodging the standard procedure ? Why?
ReplyDeleteCalm down,Take deep breaths. Weddings are stressful and emotions are high. Everyone wants to show him/herself, it's normal. Remember you're all from different backgrounds and cultures and no one is perfect. Be patient, tolerant and a little accommodating. No be everything you go 'call off/quit and run'. If we all keep quitting and running, everyone will remain single and lonely for the rest of our lives.
ReplyDeleteEvery time we're about to enter into different, better stages of our lives, they come with temptations and trials but you need to pray and ask the Holy spirit for guidance and help.
As for the tests/fertility issues, why don't you politely speak with your man first and hear from him. If he sounds shady, then you know the next step to take.
Marriage, friendships, partnership (business and otherwise), colleagues, even neighbours, all these demand maturity, patience, tolerance and respect. You don't just up and quit when things aren't going your way, try alittle more. Compromise alittle.
All the best!
Sandra oo, me sef i tire oo. Everything, call it quits. People nor dey calm down.
DeleteCalm down first! Red flag everyday! Ask him about the test, or better still ground make una 2 go run fertility test for the same hospital to be sure. Compromise!! Marriage is a union of 2 people from very different background.
My husband's family can do unity and love and light ehnn... My own family nor be like that. But I gats blend.
I can't believe say na me carry the love and light for head now. Then it was very annoying.
Any small thing, my brother in-law will call, my sister in-law, my mother inlaw. God abeg!
But come and see the way they rallied round me when I was about having my son. I saw them in a different light. Na long story.
Calm down first. Look well. Are they really bad people that you cannot live with??
You see this Sandra up there, please disregard her advice. Abort that wedding plans. Trust me it will be your greatest undoing if you go on and marry that man.people like this Sandra will be telling you to pray and endure after the marriage. You are a woman! Your peace of mind is already tampered. Listen to that instinct I beg you
DeleteFidel 👍🥂
DeleteAgree with you Fidel
DeleteMy family is like that family. We show up for every birth. As in travel from another state lodge and all
It’s not a bad thing.
We celebrate OmoT, Joke & Olu Jacobs, Omoni Oboli, Beyonce and Jay Z, Actress Stephanie Linus recently celebrated 11years, our parents, mentors, pastors etc and we wish to be like them, you think they haven't tolerated somethings? You think they haven't compromised, you think they haven't weighed their options? You think they haven't prayed and fasted. Babe, calm down, get off this witchcraft internet, ask God for directions, weigh your options yourself before you decide.
DeleteMy dear you don't compromise on some things that family you see up there will show you shege.
DeleteSome inlaws will drain life out of you and you can never please them no matter what. PLease run for your life! They are hidding a lots from you.
Honestly, you are about to enter a family you will probably never blend with. He doesn't even look like he will protect you against them. Not my ideal kind of marriage.
ReplyDeleteWhy are men like this sef? They will see ur family and not call them from time to time bur expect u to call and visit theirs. Abeg, do they think the wife's family is inferior to theirs or what?
Poster just calm down and halt the marriage plans for now to ask questions on the hastiness, unclarity and not given to church wedding. Though some people dodge church because of spending. Church weddings are more expensive than court and traditional weddings
DeletePoster, since you are seeing these red flags better run now. He and his parents might be covering something's from you.
ReplyDeleteIn Fidel’s voice God Abeg .
ReplyDelete😂😂
DeleteAnd I really said God abeg after reading o😂
🤣😂
DeleteMy sister the handwriting is on the wall, stop the wedding plan for now and do thorough investigations. Dramatic family
ReplyDeleteSingle people do fertility too
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmmm
ReplyDeletePoster the Holy Spirit will tell you if the man is yours or not, a man once came to me for marriage I prayed to God about him I had a dream where I was with him he stopped a bike and told the woman beside to enter the bike and go home and he gave me six hundred naria I gave him back the Money and walked out on him angrily, told My pastor he said the has a wife and a kid.. if you both are together in the dream holding hands or playing happily with each other in the dream then marry him, life is more spiritual than physical.
ReplyDeletePastor said.
DeleteDid you confirm that he was married with a child?
Yes I did
DeletePoster follow your instincts and cut it off. Your instincts are kicking in but you're fighting it. It is well 🧏🧏
ReplyDeleteNo problem insist on test in your church before wedding and it will save you greatly if you do church wedding even if only for prayers it worth it
ReplyDeleteNothing wrong with doing test on yourself
ReplyDeleteAs the church will ask it makes sense for him to want to know what a doctor might see in the test and treat
Asking you to see his family is also very normal
The mother is older than you so courtesy demands you be the one to call and visit initially anyway
Slow down plans and do your checks but I don’t see the red flags here except for you need to if he’s taking fertility pills amd if so why. Is he taking pills for low sperm count? Nothing wrong with that and I hail him for seeing a doctor
Don't mind this annoy santa nwegbe.please listen to your instinct. Don't marry that man.
DeleteYes red flag everywhere. He is a mama's boy. Such people don't have a mind of their own, takes directions from their mother and will let their parents and siblings use and even rubbish you without saying a word to defend you. Again, Church or no Church, you need to insist on doing all the necessary tests. It has yo be in a lab you chose. Also let him know that you would prefer a private life after marriage before he sends you to go stay with his parents and be washing clothes.
ReplyDeleteWow.. All these drama few months to your wedding? Seems like a red flag.. His mum would control your marriage with her son.. is he the only son or the last born? Abort mission.. Pray and there lies your answer! Best wishes❤️
ReplyDeleteBv Yosola
Whatever you do, don't neglect your gut feeling! Abort mission. Yes, a broken introduction is better than a broken marriage.
ReplyDeleteTake a deep breath,relax ur mind..
ReplyDeleteU are stressed out with work and marriage preparations but there's nothing wrong with calling his parents every now and then to let them know the progress u are making..u are trying to build a relationship with them as ur new family, telling them the colors u choose and what ur family will be wearing and what colors they should wear is not intruding,the groom is also their son,ur family are involved,his too should be..
About the white wedding,tell him u want a white or there will be no marriage.. simple,he should marry u properly..
About the fertility drugs,u should have asked him immediately,he should tell what going on with him,the truth.
And if u don't feel like it again, just take a break,a moment to understand if it really going to work between u two.
👍 well said.
DeleteYou couldn't have said it better Mrs Sharon. Talk to you fiance about the fertility drugs, it's important ...then learn to compromise some things poster...Let the Holyspirit lead you from here. God bless you.
DeleteI really do not like that his family is trying to detect to you no to do the church wedding. It's your choice (you and your fiance) and not theirs. Looks like they'd always be in your business
ReplyDeleteChurch wedding is expensive
DeleteShe has not asked him but if she does she may find that’s the reason
After church you must feed people
If you do read, it’s cheaper
If you do trad, not if you read
DeleteShe should just make sure whichever church they use registers the marriage with the court else they should also do court marriage.
DeleteYes I confirmed it he is married
ReplyDeleteSo why are you still 'shooking" head inside?
DeleteWith all this drama , is better you deep into prayer for revelation . To me is better you say bye bye to it but allow God to speak to you
ReplyDeleteHmm this one na drama loading .
ReplyDeleteInitially I was thinking they are trying to avoid church wedding so as to reduce expenses which I am in support of..
Now seeing the fertility drug issssh I can say there is a lot that hasn't been said by your man.
Even if he insist you people forget about the church wedding you can let it go but insist you must do all those medical examination.
Make story no go dey
My dear Sister forget about this people here telling you to take a breath wait and take things easy! My dear RUN as fast as your legs can carry you. My younger sister had already bought asoebi and her traditional weddings clothes before she called off the wedding because the guy wanted to do traditional wedding fast fast without church wedding. But guess what after just 2yrs she got married to her husband and used the asoebi and traditional wedding clothes without stress! His mother, his family will show you shege they are just starting. Maybe he has fertility issues and he is trying to cover it up. Go for the necessary tests HIV, fertility, blood genotype before you enter one chance. Good luck👍
ReplyDeleteWow! Something is definitely wrong,my advice:don't rush,look before you leap............ Josaria
ReplyDeleteI’m a lady and I don’t want church wedding
ReplyDeleteToo loud
Don’t enjoy all that walking down the aisle thing
I find it highly suspicious that your fiance who attends the same church as you and knows the series of test your church demands of you before your wedding is avoiding a church wedding and his family who seem to claim Christianity are the ones spearheading this decision. I think you should take a step back and investigate the family you are planning to enter.
ReplyDeletePls it’s just a wedding
DeleteMy friend didn’t do church wedding and she’s a Christian
You can follow the church counseling and skip the wedding
The family is definitely hiding something from you. You and your partner should go for every test in a standard hospital that doesn't compromise
ReplyDeletePoster your gut has some explanations to give to you, have a heart to heart discussion with him about all you have seen as red flag to be sure where you stand. Asking you to call his parents shouldn't be a thing of force, does he call your parent or he is only expecting you to be the only one calling his people?
ReplyDeleteHis family doesn't have any input with your wedding colors, what you want to wear, the type of wedding you should go for. You and your guy has the final say on the type of marriage you both want . Except your in laws are the ones going to sponsor your wedding. Please make sure you let them understand boundaries before you say I do so that you will not regret it. If they refuse to respect boundaries then allow them marry their son.
You have the final say but what is wrong with telling them the colors
DeleteY’all are always seeing red flags
I want to know what the bride is wearing so I won’t wear same
I got wrong info once and I wore same color as the family and I simply dazzled. It stole the show which was not my intent
If you pick blue, they’ll go with another. That’s all
Go and do HIV test
ReplyDeleteAre you sure he is not married?
My gust tell me that this your husband to be already knows he has fertility issue and instigated his mum to push for the wedding to come fast or better still have no wedding. I’m also almost certain that his people are not bordering him about you visiting he also made that up so that they can know what you know. It’s possible he has opened up to his family hence they are playing along. My one cent is “whatever you choose to do, insist on going with him to run a fertility test, except of course you are ready to live with the consequences”
ReplyDeleteCall me mama P
Trust me they are bothering him
DeleteThey say we have not heard from bla bla and he tells her. Just pick up the phone and call them
All this I’m too busy. You’re too busy to water the ground you want to walk on smh
If you decide to go on with the wedding, please make sure your marriage is registered via the church or the registry.
ReplyDeleteThat’s it
DeleteTrad and court
She’s saying she’ll buying stuff
Have you asked them if they can afford to buy the things for their own side
Please postpone this wedding for now.
ReplyDeletePostpone or you mean cancel completely and move on. But she wont because she’s desperate. When you enter the marriage that’s when your eyes will open very well poster. You’ll see now. Then it’s harder to leave when you have kids with this same guy who no get back bone. That’s even if he’s able to have kids with the way they’re rushing things. You better pause whatever you’re doing and call this wedding off. This man will never ever have your back! Disaster waiting to happen.
DeleteMy dear, MAKE SURE YOU RUN ALL THE TESTS WITH HIM. And in a reputable test center that won't alter results. Also you both should go collect the results at once. So I advice it's run in your state of residence
ReplyDeleteBut if the church has the one it uses for such purpose, it's better for you.
.
You see that marriage class, insist you both start and complete it. Put your foot down on this. You will be forever grateful you did.
If he doesn't agree to this two,as hard as it may, especially with it being public already,, pls take the Bull by the horn and call it off.
Marriage is a lifetime commitment. Don't be in a rush to go in. You can postpone and take your time to watc and pray