HUBBY AND HIS BABY MAMA ISH
Can someone please advise me.
Can someone please advise me.
My husband had an affair with his babymama and got the woman pregnant, I went back to my family and they welcomed me but Because of his begging and everything I accepted him back and returned with our child.
Unfortunately I can't seem to forgive him. He has been nice to me and even my family but the love is totally gone from my end. Each time I remember the woman is in his family house with the sons I feel so terrible.
I confided in my family but they all pleaded I should forgive him, since it's my second marriage but I can't. I feel like running away but when I remember we had court wedding I feel I won't be able to move on, unless I go back to the court which nobody will stand for me.
I keep crying everyday that I'm now feeling depressed. My daughter loves my husband soo much and I don't know if she will forgive me if I ever separate them again. I'm depressed..
I seriously need a shoulder......
I seriously need a shoulder......
Hmmmm your hubby went back to put his baby mama in the family way again and she is staying in his family house? This only means that she is the unofficial seconf wife....#If you feel you can deal with the situation, please stay, if you cannot deal with this, then look for a way to move on, you dont need to marry again..... The truth of the matter is that there is a possibility that the baby mama can get pregnant again.... She has two boys for him so she aint going nowhere oh....
The choice to stay or go is actually yours!
Weigh your decision on whether to stay put or leave
ReplyDeleteIt all depends on you
I wish you all the best
Please get preggy for the second time and gtfo. So all your kids are from one sperm donor. That is if money ain't a problem for you. Just as Stella said you dont have to be married again so use the opportunity get two children. Even the love is still there that man fuvking disrespected you,the lobe should fly out the window. And of course dont deny the kids access to their father, na only access to you and your lap I talk o
DeleteAll these Nigerian women like jumping from marriage to marriage without dealing with their foundation of marriage breaking. Moreover, I am a woman. Once you have a child as a woman. And your marriage break! Just move on and focus on your children.
DeleteNonsense why stay single cause one guy or two left you
DeleteShe said to deal with the foundation. She didn't say to stay single
DeleteIf the foundation is faulty, na serial collapse ni. The faulty foundation can be why the choice of efulefu men. Not necessarily that the woman is bad. And it could equally be the woman has a character flaw. So she needs to change or look for men who like that character flaw in her.
Why is his baby mama staying in his family house. You have a co-wife be that. Go with Stella's advice . Kpele
DeleteBy the way, the baby mama is in the family house waiting for you to move out so that she can move in. Looks like a desperate baby mama to me. Plus your husband's family is enabling her, she must have a strong hold on them for her to be staying there. It may even be her that his family likes and chose for him. Plus your husband is obviously not done with her.
DeleteGirl you're on a long road, please do what will make you happy.
“Whatever costs you your peace of mind is too expensive to be kept”..
ReplyDelete@MARTINS
Poster if the love is gone please move on. As for the baby mama going nowhere that’s totally on your husband. People divorce with kids and still move on not to talk of babymama. Tchidi left his wife with 3boys and moved on, Timaya left his baby mama with 2 daughters and moved on. Every man can’t be 2face even at that 2face left his babymamas with boys and married the one with girls. Legally even if a woman born Jesus if the man is not married to her she’s just a babymama.
ReplyDeleteWhether this baby mama goes away depends on 4 set of people - the baby mama, the man, the wife (Poster), and the man's family.
DeleteEvery case is different even when similar facts thread through them.
Poster so sorry about your predicament. I seriously advice you move on since you don't love him and forget about trying to remarry for now. If in future, you think you really need to I'm sure by then it'll be easy to annull the marriage. That man will end up having to marry her traditionally whether he wants to or not.
DeleteYour daughter will understand things in future and realize you did what you had to. All the best
BTW, i for a second tot I'm the one you are referring to cos we stay in hubby's family compound as his wife with my two boys in our own flat cos we're traditionally married but hubby isn't and has never been married to anyone else as far as I'm aware.
DeleteAnon 15:43, I don't agree with you, it depends 100% on the man, if he makes it clear in words and deeds that he is done with her, both she and all his family will align, truth is they are happy that she has sons and keeping her as unofficial second wife.
Delete17:05
DeleteI made comment @15:43
Women like to put so much decision making powers in the hands of men when it benefits them. But when it does not, they say the man is oppressive and patriarchal, etc.
A baby mama who was there before the wife and who allows herself to be impregnated by the man after marriage. You think she is a push over or will allow the man to push her aside. Is it not on this blog women "built with men" are encouraged to go back after their estranged husbands made it financially. See that a Bv says @16:46 she was married to the man before Poster came in.
How many women throw away their families because of men. Is it all women. Are there no women who listen to their families on marital matters?. Just as women listen, so do men.
Caring for the woman and her children in his family compound is the man's way of not being deadbeat.
Poster may (please may, and repeat may) have overlooked some things that led to the return of the baby mama. Complacency before or after marriage is dangerous for some women. Is it not possible the other woman has been
in the family compound along. Please see the Bv above saying she is not a baby mama but a wife under native law and custom before Poster's marriage. Did Poster fail to do due diligence. It is better to stay away from some men than to be complacent in relationships with them.
Learn. Very few men decide on their own. Fewer issues involving several parties can be decided effectively by just two of the parties thinking only of their interests. This is not a simple case of a man , his wife and a family member. It is a case of at least 4 people.
19:40, 16:46 didn't say she was the one. She said she thought for a second that she was the babymama as she also lives in a family house and has two boys and was married traditionally. There are many cases like this all over Nigeria. Don't conclude that she is the same perso
DeletePele dear,please move on,since you are no longer happy with the situation,your daughter will understand with time.
ReplyDeleteHope you are earning.
DeletePoster that is your husband's 2nd wife, with boys for that matter.
ReplyDeleteYou don't even love him anymore. You don't have any child for him? Is your daughter from your previous marriage?
Even if you did court marriage you can divorce him ,it will only take time, max 2yrs.
You can't live life unhappy enduring rubbish.
If this man shows real affection and care towards you and your daughter , and he spends and gives you peace in the house then I advice you stay put.
Except you are totally convinced you are done, then leave by all means.
Poster o, are you the first or the second wife? You say the so called babymama is in your husband family house. Madam, your oga don marry another woman be dat na.
ReplyDeleteIs it worth breaking your home over? Does a second failed marriage sit well with you? I can feel your pain. Your choices and options are not easy. Follow the option that gives you peace of mind.
Did the baby mama give birth to twin boys or husbie got her pregnant on more than one occasion? Hmmm. This is a tough one When I say there’s no marriage in heaven people think I’m heartless. If you can’t forgive him, then leave. Marriage is not do or die, in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteMarriage is not by force..
ReplyDeleteIf you can't deal, move,. Before one person would kill the other
He kept the baby mama in his family house as per who nah? (When he came begging this was what you were suppose to talk about.)
ReplyDeleteSo he cares for her and is totally responsible for as his wife then.
She is automatically the 2nd wife and his family seems to be in support of this. If not, they wouldn't harbor her.
(Are you sure her bride price hasn't been paid)
Know that this woman will forever be in his life. And will constantly keep trying to over throw you or atleast move into same house with you and him.
Weigh your options and make your decision.
It's well with you.
La wa o must you people marry? To me marriage is like a prison sentence especially with the wrong people. I
ReplyDeleteAnother sad tale
ReplyDeleteKai
Let me clarify: You don't need anybody to stand for you in court. You just need your lawyer to prepare the court document and state why you want a divorce, FINISH!!!!. In this case, the ground for the divorce is evident to the blind, you don't need any further evidence.
ReplyDeleteWhen most people do wrong, they beg and say sorry (abi what else will they do!!!!), but does that mean they have changed? Keeping that woman in his family house is not just an acceptance of responsibility for his children, but an acceptance of her as the mother of his children and as a spouse. Keeping her in the family house strengthens his bond and his family bond with her. She automatically becomes a CO-WIFE. Have you seen Davido's baby mama's or Tuface's babymamas in his family house. If she remains there, anytime he comes to visit, they will play husband and wife, (Will you tell him not to sleep over at his father's house?) she will cook and they will refer to him as her husband. He will no longer be repulsed or feel remorseful for his wrong, his wrong will becomes less revolting to him.
If you want to try to work on the marriage, then let him send that woman out of his family house and rent her an apartment. (This must be a condition) Set up rules for accountability and systems for checks and balance, (let him use his own mouth to state the rules and how he wants to be more accountable) go for counseling and then slowly try to rebuild the trust and marriage.
N/B : That you have been married before is not a reason to stay in a bad marriage. That your daughter loves her dad is also not a reason for you to mortgage your life to a man without self control. Because if you use this analogy, then it means he will also be justified to marry his side chick, since her own children 'also love their daddy'.
Look out for yourself biko, don't allow anyone pressure you at all. Stay married to him if you want to and move on if that's what better serves your interests. Don't use family as an excuse not to look out for yourself, after all family Is not married to him.
Apt
DeleteShe is not a baby mama no more but his wife too. Find out the truth maybe then you can leave without looking back.This is your second marriage, it should be a happy union not this feeling sad and crying always. I feel for you seriously. Come take a hug 🤗
ReplyDelete@16: 02 is the best advice
ReplyDeleteIs a marriage where you're depressed and happy worth it? Choose you, think about yourself. You can't even give your daughter your all if you're depressed and unhappy. I seriously find it strange that your husband's baby mama is in his family house, it just doesn't seem right
ReplyDeleteThis narrative that women can mentally deal with anything should stop. Broken vows destroy, broken commitments destroy. Saying sorry does not fix anything. Forgiveness doesn’t mean doubt and distrust gets removed. While a child is not responsible for their conception, nobody should force a woman to bond with an outside child, it is too much to ask.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, if your spirit is not in it and all feelings of love, respect, honour, loyalty and trust has departed then you need to move on. You can try individual and couples counselling to see if it resolves anything, otherwise move on with your life. So you would be twice divorced, so what? Are you a murderer, a criminal, No. Secure yourself financially, the world is becoming increasingly more expensive, so make sure your money is right before you get up and go.
Honestly marriage in most cases is a lucky dip. Even the most prepared do also find themselves in a mess.
ReplyDeleteIs it worth compromising? If not find whatever decision that can give you peace of mind in the longrun. You deserve your happiness at all times, even if life does not promise anyone that.
poster you said you cannot forgive your husband even when you claim he is a good man, since you cannot forgive him please just walk away from this marriage. situations like the one you just narrated are what lead to some spouses killing one another, you already hate your husband, soon the anger in you will grow and make you to start DV on him. Boom from there you can kill him.
ReplyDeleteSave yourself the stress and allow your husband to , concentrate on his second wife. You must not marry again. Do not look at what people will say cos you have been married before. Your happiness is what matters.
How anybody can leave where they are not happy beats me. You can stay until you reach your breaking point but by all means leave at some point.
ReplyDeleteLeaving people who take you for granted perpetually is the only consequence for those who take you for granted. Being in anybody’s space is a privilege and some people don’t ever get it
Poster think well well, if u know u cannot let go, for ur peace of mind biko leave, two boys are involved plus family house hmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteMy dear is either u accept her as ur co wife or u leaveoooh bcoz ur husband will definitely get her pregnant again.
Or continue to treat her as wife in all ways until she use her legs to go on her own to a man better than your husband.
DeleteHe wants to eat his cake and have it. Ask him how he would have felt if you got pregnant for another man twice. I bet he won't forgive you if such a thing ever happens. I am a man but I hate infidelity. If you are not ready to commit to one person, don't get married. Why do people find it hard to understand this?
ReplyDeleteIf you make up your mind to stay in the marriage, make sure you drain him financially, especially if he is from a culture where male children are prioritized over female children.
God am grateful a man says this. This generation of men ehn. Faithfulness is so difficult for them. I think it's time women stopped dating men with baby mama. Simple and short. He should marry his baby mama.
DeleteIf you leave your husband can you stay like that or marry again knowing that this is your second marriage ?don't mind those advising you to leave it is easier said than done,leave to become side chick to another married man?better accept your fate you have a second wife,and you yourself is second hand because you have married before .
ReplyDeletePoster improve yourself. Learn new skills. Make money, change location possibly State and upgrade. Seek therapy while doing this. It's a challenge for you. Just leave him let him enjoy his second wife. The day he would regret it ehn....
DeleteOnce you're married to a Nigerian man prepare for all eventualities.
ReplyDeleteMost of them have the self control of dogs in the street.
Pity.
Blunt truth from Aunty Stella, if u can cope fine but if not move on I feel for you! Sending love and hugs ❤️❤️❤️❤️
ReplyDelete-Anyin
I am really sorry for what you are going through but my dear in life things may not work out the way you plan. I will advise you as a divorcee too. Depending on your age. Have more kids with your husband. Even if this marriage to you is a sham. Just reproduce for yourself. There will come a time in life where it’s those kids that will make you happy. If your husband is Rich. Have them in the US. The good thing is when you are ready to leave him if the marriage does not benefit you, it is those kids that will keep u going. I am not a stay in your bad marriage advocate but my dear make the best out of your situation and even if this man keeps reproducing with the other woman and u can’t take it then ask him to get you and the kids an apartment but I won’t advise you to do that. Also see a Therapist and talk to your husband. He knows what he is doing but God fights for the innocent.
ReplyDeleteI know baby mama phenomenon seems “glamorized” in American culture but it’s hell among them with endless attrition & court battles. They exchange kids with backpacks & suitcases at McDonald’s parking lots because they need to remain faithful in their marriage. How can a man keep a babymama in the family house and “apologize”? ‘Trust is like an eraser, it reduces with every mistake’. This seems to me like he has two wives and you are the less favored by the family in an unfair misogynistic society that ranks women on the basis of the gender they birth! It seems to me the man’s extended family, who many times in our culture don’t like husband and wife to be “close”, want that woman for him. If he had kept his distance, the second pregnancy will not have occurred. Men should stop using the kid as excuse!
ReplyDeleteIf we are going to copy the babymama culture let’s do so well. Once you are married you don’t spend a night with your babymama under the pretext of going to see the child! It’s cheating. You need to read all the comments and make your decision, there is no marriage in heaven. The way Nigeria s celebrate weddings and belittle marriage is bizarre, weddings are for a few days while the marriage should be for life!
Hmmmm, you are in second marriage and complaining again, you want to move out. People are clapping for you to move out. My dear it rains everywhere. Kindly forgive him, love him more, enjoy your marriage. If not society will be counting husband body number for you.
ReplyDeletePoster
ReplyDeleteI don't care if this is your second marriage, if you have no child for that man, leave, walk away.
REMARRY again.
Anybody telling you not to remarry is silly. Remarry and remarry and remarry. If you have no child, don't bother to have children for him. It will only make it worse. As you are focusing on children, dont forget your needs.
KING XOXO MYSTERY