SHOCKER
Dear Bvs, I need your sincere and blunt advice.
I have a 3 year old and when I got pregnant again, hubby told me to abort citing financial constraints. I stood against abortion and kept the pregnancy since I only have one child.
I did scan and discovered I was carrying twins. Told hubby and he refused to drop any money. He even threatened to walk away from the marriage and abandon me.
I decided to ignore him. I work from home as a freelancer so I decided to double my hustle. I worked even when it wasn't convenient for me like working in the midnight and taking more jobs to make extra money when I am supposed to be resting.
I also saved money for my delivery and after.
When hubby saw all the things I have done, he is now trying to form loving and caring. He is also asking for forgiveness.
This is someone that never asked how the babies are faring or ask about my health.
Please BVs, how can I make my husband pay for neglecting his duties? His actions really hurt me to the point that I always cry when I remember how he told me he wasn't interested in the babies, how he threatened to leave us and how he activated his "I don't care attitude" and I don't want to forgive and forget just like that. At a point, he told me he wasn't the father of the babies just to avoid any responsibility.
Dear Bvs, I need your sincere and blunt advice.
I have a 3 year old and when I got pregnant again, hubby told me to abort citing financial constraints. I stood against abortion and kept the pregnancy since I only have one child.
I did scan and discovered I was carrying twins. Told hubby and he refused to drop any money. He even threatened to walk away from the marriage and abandon me.
I decided to ignore him. I work from home as a freelancer so I decided to double my hustle. I worked even when it wasn't convenient for me like working in the midnight and taking more jobs to make extra money when I am supposed to be resting.
I raised enough money, registered for antenatal, bought baby things and all the hospital items I will need.
I also saved money for my delivery and after.
When hubby saw all the things I have done, he is now trying to form loving and caring. He is also asking for forgiveness.
This is someone that never asked how the babies are faring or ask about my health.
Please BVs, how can I make my husband pay for neglecting his duties? His actions really hurt me to the point that I always cry when I remember how he told me he wasn't interested in the babies, how he threatened to leave us and how he activated his "I don't care attitude" and I don't want to forgive and forget just like that. At a point, he told me he wasn't the father of the babies just to avoid any responsibility.
How do I deal with him now and make him feel the same pains I felt?
*I wont lie, I am too shocked for words...SERIOUSLY?????
Please ignore him, he is just a sperm donor, focus on yourself and birthing your babies because he will start again when you need money for the kids upkeep. A bad person only needs the right event to activate the badness..... look at all the hurtful things he said!!
Please let me refrain from advising you cos if i do, I will ask you to leave him and my reasons would be solid.... Horrible husband!!
This chronicle makes me sad.
ReplyDeleteVery sad,I feel like crying
DeleteAs innn....very very very sad. When a man makes up his mind to be wicked, selfish and absolutely uncaring, even the devil will be shocked.
DeleteI think you guys should get some marriage counselling to truly get to the bottom of this and find a way to move forward from this if you are not going to leave him. I don't think there is any point trying to punish him as it will lead to a very unhealthy dynamic if the marriage is going to continue. Marriage and grown up life is just so very hard, it shouldn't have to be.
Selfish husband, I Don't know why most men are selfish. Pls ignore him and make sure he financially and psychologically contributes for the birth of your babies. If possible let him be present at the birth site. Yeye man
DeleteMy dear calculate all the things you spent, give it to him to reimburse you. That's no one.
Delete2, tell your parents in case of tomorrow. Such threat shouldn't be ignored.
3. Keep your money tight.
4. I think 3 kids don do. Hang boots.
5. May God help, guide, strengthens, and give you wisdom. The Lord has shown you his hiding character.
very sad
Delete@ Mao, I completely agree with you. 3 is more than enough. Poster get on a good birth control so you can plan your life and focus on quality of your kids lives moving forward. Don’t get pregnant again please. 3 is perfect! Ps: see a marriage counselor please. These men especially naija men, I don’t know what’s up with them and their selfishness. I honestly think it’s harsh naija upbringing and maybe growing up in poverty. Whatever it is, a lot of naija men are mean, selfish, self centered and calculative. Not worth falling in love and relying so much emotions on them. If there’s marriage after this life, I pray not to marry a naija man. Selfish lots.
DeleteIf true madam your husband is thrash, many Nigerian men are dysfunctional and messed up with toxic attitudes and misplaced priorities
DeleteWickedness no dey hard them
Please have the babies before making decisions so you’re sure it’s not your hormones deciding for you.
DeleteIf you deliberately got pregnant by removing your family planning without his knowledge and it wasn't an accident like your family planning failing as some of them do, I wouldn't blame your husband a lot. It's important for both parties to be on board when it comes to having kids. His reservation is very valid especially with the cost of living in Nigeria. My spouse and I have gone through phases of one person being ready when the other isn't and vice versa and no one has forced it. The responsibility that comes with babies isn't beans and both parties need to be on the same page. It isn't fair to trick anyone whether married or just dating.
DeleteUr hubby is a lazy Nigerian youth, the hustle weh him suppose double, u come do am now guy man dey form repentance. My dear pls don't show him any shege, kindly forgive and forget pls, i beg u in the name of God, the birth of those rejected twins will bring goodnews just calm down, he acted based on the level of his mentality and approache in the face of problems, revenging ur ordeal at his hands is childishness, let go of the hurt and keep being the super woman and mum that u are, make sure u take extreme good care of urself and the kids before anyother person, u are truly truly hurt, forgive from ur heart, i know it's not easy but just do it, u can ask God for help if u can't do it on ur own, may God guide u.
ReplyDelete*paprika*
That man is very wicked.. For putting you through emotional stress and abuse, don't just forgive and forget now.
DeletePlease, live cordially with him but set boundaries.. If he wants forgiveness, he should perform restitution in full.
All the money you spent, he must transfer back to you..
He will still show you pepper later.
Madam he has shown you who he truly is
DeleteNever let your guard down
Reject the spirit of rejection in the life of your twins, pray against spirit of rejection
Now that you know whom you married. After birthing, do family before you resume other room activities.
ReplyDeleteAdam!!!
DeleteMy dear, cry it out but from today, know who you are married to, threatened to leave because of a child you put into the woman? Some men will never seize to amaze me, now he has seen you are capable and can do without him he has decided to be loving.
My dear, triple your hustle if you must cus you are saving for 3 extra mouths should something go wrong.
Try and forgive him but if eventually you don’t, do what makes you happy.
Push up (original)
You people are funny. Is this a surprise? My husband did same with me. He asked me who sent me message, when I asked him as little as tying my shoe lace cos my bumb was massive, I couldn't bend forward. When baby was born and fine and yellow like his dad, he was now all sweet towards the child and still neglected me, it was my sister who called him out, before he now decided to change and behave nice towards me. However, I got pregnant, he wasn't ready. I did it intentionally so he can stop cheating on me and abandoning me, but he showed me pepper that period. Then he changed later, but I found out he was narcissistic anyway, so we are divorced proper now. After 10 years of back and forth. God is good. @poster forgive him, but know that you still need to be cautious. He may still return back to his I dont care attitude. Dont relax too much, but let him be involved. When twins come, it's not gonna be easy doing it all alone. Goodluck
DeletePoster don't forgive him yet, return the energy he started with. ignore him,don't involve him in anything concering those twins until you truly see genuine repentance in him because for him to deny those twins means he can also abandon you once the going gets tougher. double your hustle and focus on yourself and kids.
ReplyDeleteCarrying unforgiveness is a baggage. She doesn't need that. With a toddler and twins coming. Pls forgive.
DeleteThis was what charles Awuzie was talking about. Nigerian women are abused the most in the world. Who impregnated her? Was it not you. Then man up to your responsibilities.
ReplyDeleteGo try be a waomn in Afghanistan
Delete16:51, abi?
DeleteSome Nigerian women, ehn
Other African women don't get half of what the Nigerian woman gets from their men
He doesn't love you. Leaving you whilst pregnant shouldn't have crossed his mind. It simply means in future if push comes to a shove, he will leave you and the kids. He's behaving as if he didn't cum inside.
ReplyDeleteIf the twin get to know about his actions towards them in future how will he feel. This one sef follow for papa somebody? As Stella rightly said he is a sperm donor.
ReplyDeletewooow!!! whatever happened to forgiveness and for better or for worse??!!! Auntie Stella try dey fear God sometimes! she didn't say there was domestic violence o, cheating or that he was starving her. besides you drew all these conclusions from just one side of the story. this is her husband not baby daddy!! he threatened to leave but didn't and know he has come to his senses, shouldn't that count for something? so she shouldn't forgive her husband? poster I know it hurts, but please find it in your heart to forgive him. we all make mistakes. I'm sure he regrets It, that's why he's trying to make amends. you can use this this opportunity to demand something you want, or tell him how to make it up to you. don't forget your vows on the alter. I plead on his behalf
ReplyDeleteA useless man who emotionally abused a pregnant woman, animal who cannot provide or protect, thrash
DeleteLolll, I pray you don't marry a very useless fellow.
DeleteThing is, even if you do, you won't even notice.
You will still feel like it is the best thing that has happened to you.
That's what happens when standards are lower than mud.
"A bad person only needs the right event to activate the badness," truer words have never been spoken. It's heartbreaking to read what your husband said to you. How can a married man do this? I'm sure he knows how to prevent pregnancy if he was so adamant about not growing their family due to financial constraints. But of course, family planning is only the woman's responsibility. 🙄
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry he is your husband. Don't worry about dealing with him. Focus on being as healthy as possible and thr well-being of your children. Thank God you have been able to earn. Talk to a counselor if you can, so that the resentment won't eat away at you. You could also tell your husband how his actions/ words made you feel but I'm not confident that his reaction would make anything better.
So what’s wrong with a husband telling his wife he’s not ready to raise more kids?I don’t get it.if someone is not financially ready to raise more kids not to talk of twins he should be forced to take the responsibilities?when you guys were nacking without protection what did you think would happen?poster you’re at fault too for not taking precaution to avoid pregnancy when you knew your husband wasn’t ready so don’t try to make this innocent man look like a devil.Women will come here and narrate a story to their benefit and gullible people will start talking nonsense without hearing the other side.
ReplyDeleteHow is she at fault for enjoyment they both had?
DeleteJazmine, first time reading here that it is of mutual enjoyment. Always read it is a gift to men and the woman's major contribution (in addition to cooking) in all romantic relationships.
DeleteThanks the added knowledge given today.
Wear c#ndom to prevent preggy with your husband? Hmm!
Delete@15:29, i don't want to say you are terrible. When unplanned pregnancy occurs in marriage, you should adjust. It is not only the responsibility of the woman to keep from getting pregnant.
DeleteIt was quite wrong of him to say she should abort pls. That was mean and cruel. It shows the state of the heart. The man is wicked. Couples should always be ready for any eventualities. After all even family planning fails.
All the best madam. Congratulations on the twins. Some of us are still trusting God for babies.
My dear I tire o. No one knows if they even had the decision not to get pregnant and the woman willfully did. Children need more intentionality and deliberation to be made o. Kai! Na wa
DeleteIf Iv told you I’m not ready for kids and we both have sex without protection,you didn’t stop me from penetrating,u didn’t stop me from cumming inside you and then you get pregnant,na Una family last born you go born.
DeleteBringing a child into the world isn’t an eventuality,it is a planned process.
DeleteHmm...marrying a Nigerian man is an extreme sport.. be ready for any jaga jaga
DeleteWhy should a woman be in charge of the measures to protect herself, he is the one that doesn’t want more
DeleteHe should help calculate her ovulation, he can wear a condom or even get a vasectomy if he really doesn’t want kids. Stop putting that on a woman, a married woman in her matrimonial home who still wants kids. Prevent it your damn self
Push up (original)
Wow
DeleteShe dint stop you
So if you see fire and they don’t stop you, you will enter the fire
This was a mistake
She has probably been preventing but this one failed. I actually took after pill for my second child but that girl came through.
Family planning messed up my system until I decided it was enough and my husband supported me. Some women have gone through surgery just to get the loop out, and you are here whining like it’s as simple as abc
You wife should have an abortion, I don’t blame you, cus you think having an abortion is an easy feat. Can you imagine such selfishness
Okay, why is the man trying to be nice now, he should have kept up the energy since he doesn’t want the children. You all will be opening your mouths anyhow cus it’s not y’all’s bodies.
I don’t blame you people. It’s the women making y’all feel like marriage is a do or die affair
Push up (original)
Innocent man where? Thrash
DeletePoster, it is well. Not every body would be comfortable having only one child when it's not as if you have fertility issues.
ReplyDeleteYou know who you married and what he is capable of doing. You also know he is not strong financially.
What to do? Brace up for rough times ahead. Be ready to shoulder all manner of family responsibility. If he helps out, you are lucky, if he doesn't, don't be disappointed.
I wish you luck.
Helps put or plays his role?
DeleteWell I suppose you are going through the “ for better or worse” part of marriage. Folks make mistakes in life, this is one of those extra painful mistakes. Marriage is a journey into unconditional love, and most ppl will be tested at some point. Is his sin forgivable? yes. But forgiveness has it’s own timetable. Take your time and go slow. He will have to understand mending broken fences takes time, and emotions cannot just switch on and off like that. Whatever you do, this is one of those things that you will have to keep to yourself between just the two of you for life, those lil angels do not ever need to know that they were originally unwanted by their father, and telling family and friends will mean it could come out one day. I guess you will have to cover his shame like wives have been doing since time immemorial. Let him pay though, take all the time you need.
ReplyDeleteHe is going to get angry and start behaving horrible again if she doesn't forgive immediately. As far as he is concerned he has "tried" and she did not play ball.
DeleteLet him pay? By she exacting revenge? Hmmmn.
DeleteNo, not revenge. She won’t have any energy for revenge raising twins. But he can pay in other ways.
DeleteForgive him
ReplyDeleteStress is not easy
He reacted that way thinking it will make you abort the babies which he thought was the better choice
We don’t talk about it enough but many men go into deep depression during pregnancy and act out
Remember the man he was before all this and move on in peace if he keeps to his end of things
Deep depression on top of pregnancy he isn't carrying? It is never a man's fault in dysfunctional Nigerian society, misogyny promax
DeleteDeep depression on top of pregnancy he isn't carrying? It is never a man's fault in dysfunctional Nigerian society, misogyny promax
DeleteLet's not get carried away. Bringing children into the world is largely a very economic decision. Yes, your husband may have worded his statement poorly. The economy isn't smiling. Bringing children into this world should be an agreement between both partners. But as my wife will say, when you were cumming inside, was it a plasma TV you were expecting?
ReplyDeletePoster, your issue with your husband is why i always advise intending spouses discuss everything at length before saying I do. Your husband was not mentally ready. Twins? That's enough reason to freak out for most men.
He has come round and is all lovey dovey. That's good. Communicate your initial hurt to him. Let him know how much he hurt you but whatever you do, do not resent him. May God help your home and make every resources you need to take care of your lovely children available.
Children have no business marrying, the man is a delinquent
DeleteIf he wasn't ready to have another child, he should have not cum inside you. Abeg ignore him and keep doing what you're doing, don't focus your energy on trying to make him pay for the treatment he gave you, it's not worth the stress. You ignoring him will be more painful to him. I pray for safety upon you and your twins
ReplyDeleteIgnoring is actually much more stressful. What’s wrong with you people and always saying ignore when you shd express your mind. Now she go dey lash out on the kids due to bottled up emotions. Let her talk abeg and express her hurt and pain!!!
DeleteGod has helped you to make the right decision and kept them. God forbid, if you heeded his advise and died during the process he would move on like nothing happened.
ReplyDeleteLike Stella said, this has opened your eyes to know who you married so brace up for what is in front. Of he helps in raising them, all praise to God but if not God is your strength.
I will encourage you to forgive him, bitterness and anger is too heavy a load to carry, it is for your own good. I know it is not easy, you can also tell him how you feel by all he made you go through. God will help you carry to term and deliver safely.
This life no balance. Look at us praying for the fruit of the womb for over 5 year
ReplyDeleteForgive him when you are fully ready and have healed. He had no excuse to treat you that way. I know when it comes to finances, it is not always easy but denying he fathered those children is actually an insult. Imagine he said that in someone else’s presence and they’ll label you a promiscuous woman.
ReplyDeleteIs he the first man to have financial issues? He has seen now that you have braced up and not looking up to him for assistance, he now wants forgiveness.
Forgive him but know this. At any slight opportunity, he will not think twice before abandoning you and your kids. It is good you have doubled your hustle, keep it that way.
Make him sweat for denying your children. If someone said that to me, I don reach my papa house since.
Sluttychic.
Your husband is a bad bad bad man. I don’t even want to imagine how alone you felt carrying such as uneasy pregnancy. I don’t want to imagine. A man that can comfortably do this May just be able to do worse to u. Nna ehn, there are people in this life sha
ReplyDeleteFirst, are you happy living with this man after all he's done? For me, it would have been better you separate from him. What he's trying to do now is take credit for doing nothing. People will think he is a responsible man. And again, he may want to start sharing financial duties with you seeing that you could do a lot of stuff without him. I think its best you separate from him and be happy with your life.
ReplyDeleteHow will she cope taking care of 3 children herself. She should manage him like that
DeleteBut child care is not only baby things. The road still long.
DeleteWhat is the big deal with a wife sharing family financial responsibilities with her husband from money she earns.
DeleteAbeg, make una stop this miseducation of younger women.
So a woman should let her children and herself live under the financial limits of her husband's income when she is also an income earner.
I love you
DeletePush up (original)
This chronicle brought back painful memories. God please heal all brokenhearted including mine amen.
ReplyDeleteStella I beg to differ with you. See ehn, we men have fears too, we may just be acting all strong and bold , we have fears. Let me tell you mine, after three boys i told my wife we had to stop everything about childbearing and we both agreed. Omo 2 years later wify said she was pregnant, to be honest i fought (not physical) with her for months, cause I knew my income and I am a pragmatic person, but wify is a "God will do it" person, long story short, she had a girl, na the girl come like me pass now, see me crying now like mumu, as in i cant imagine my life without her . so sometimes we men dont just want unplanned things kinda
ReplyDeleteI’m glad you and your wife could move past it. But as adults, how do you say you don’t want something and then consciously act like you want that same thing? You don’t want kids and yet you do not use birth control. There are numerous options for both of you. Why then should birth control be the sole responsibility of one party?
DeleteSo you told her no more kids but kept having sex raw, you left all thoughts of birth control to her. Why not get a vasectomy?. Birth control for women has a lot of unsavoury side effects and a womwn getting her tube tied is very invasive.
Deleteyou both are actually right, we are both procastinators, and it took her 8 months after the birth of the girl to get an IUD, i think that lasts for 5 years.
DeleteYou asked for blunt and sincere comments. So I hope Stella will post this.
ReplyDeleteCarrying bitterness and a desire for a painful /pay full revenge on your husband will do your health no good as a pregnant woman.
Did you both plan for another child? Or you just expected him to be happy at your second pregnancy. If you didn't plan, then you bear some blame. So cool down.
Was he responsible during your first pregnancy? If yes, please cool down.
Has he been a financially responsible father for your first child? if yes, calm down.
Presently, do you really know his financial capacity? And is he in a financial state to comfortably carry the extra burden of another child? If yes, you both really need to sit down and talk.
Now, he is coming around, is he putting down money as he is putting down his new lovey dovey? If yes, let bygones be bygones after calmly telling him you were not happy and felt betrayed by his first response.
Going forward, carry your husband along on all matters you expect his financial contribution beyond the ordinary household expenses.
If you still insist on vengeance, think about and prepare for eventualities if your plan goes awry. But wouldn't you rather use such mental energy for the care of your children and keeping your home since you obviously still want to be married to your husband?
Thank you..
DeleteSame thing I said down there, tho, in a different way..
The only thing some BVs are good at here is insulting men.. I couldn't deal with the first few comments I read..
Reading from below after posting my comment and seeing this beautiful comment is a breath of fresh air..
Make I dey go before I read another one that'll mess up my lovely day
Saying the children are not his and trying to punish her for carrying both their children is pure wickedness and evil
DeleteYes! I know you are hurt but pls forgive him.your man may be going tru some kind of financial difficult he couldn't bear alone.he may have acted childish but for the love of God, forgive him.alot of men when faced with financial difficult they tend to act strange.may God protect those lovely angels.its well.
ReplyDeletePlease just focus on giving birth to your babies and taking good care of them it is well with you.
ReplyDeleteHe is useless as a man.
ReplyDeleteAnd useless as a husband.
Of what use will he be as a father?
This kind of person that denied his children when they were in the womb is already curs.ed na.
The worthless dregs you lot marry and still attach yourselves too is horrific.
Sometimes the news of pregnancy is even difficult for the carrier to take and adapt to, and much more so for another person. I remember a friend who found out she was pregnant and couldn't tell anyone for 3 weeks, then she was angry her husband didn't feel immediate joy at the news. I asked her if she felt immediate joy. Sometimes the arrogance of expectations are is the problem. The man is allowed to process the news how he seems fit. And it mustn't be how we expect it, he is entitled to him feelings. Those days of 'children are blessings' are fast behind us'. More than 2Omillion Nigerian 'blessings' are out of school today.
ReplyDeleteChildren will always be blessings no matter how tough the world is. Una just need to plan well and accordingly so the kids won’t come and suffer unnecessarily. If na 1 you fit handle, give birth to 1. If na 2 then 2 it is. I see how my child makes me happy and just laugh and things he does at his tender age. It’s an amazing feeling.
DeleteLike I always say, both parties have to agree for a baby to be brought, if one party agrees and the other refuses, if you go ahead to have the baby,. Please, it's in you..
ReplyDeleteThe financial reasons he gave is valid.. he knows everything would fall back on him..
If for some reasons you didn't want to keep the baby and he insisted, won't you have still removed it and claim you had a miscarriage of something..
Abeg cut the guy some slacks..
You better stop doing like something I don't know because you want to revenge what wasn't a wrong.. you'll only end up causing a deeper wound in your home..
I hate when someone is trying to set things right, even though he wasn't really at fault and the other person begins to act childish.. you better don't go and do something you'll regret later
So it was right for him to deny that he fathered those children?
DeleteYes, they both agreed no more children for sometime but then it happened. He is a stupid man for denying his children and insinuating his wife had xtra marital affairs....it is abominable.
I will not keep or take something like this lightly, I will tell my parents and move back home for a long time.
What will she regret? Lmao.
Sluttychic.
"So it was right for him to deny that he fathered those children?"- NO.. but he must have said that out of anger of she wanting to keep the pregnancy..
DeleteSee ehn slutty, they already had an agreement not to have other kids yet. An agreement is an agreement.. they are of course banging without protection, even young girls of nowadays know what to do to avoid getting preggy.. so firstly, when she told the man she's pregnant, the first thing that'll come to his mind is that she planned it. We have read here of how some wives do this even after they had an agreement not to give birth yet and when they do this, they expect the man to accept it without protest or nothing. You for kuku marry mumu nah..
2ndly, we know the financial situation of the country. We come here everyday to berate poor people for having more children that they know they can't take care of, and would now be disturbing people up and down.. we see how such fathers are insulted, called dead beat and quoting the Holy book to state that any man who can provide for his family is worse than an infidel.. Baba doesn't want to be an infidel, him say make Una never add more kids.. as far as I'm concerned, the pregnancy was a premeditated act, she then went on to keeping it without his consent, the pregnancy that he's still finding hard to comes to terms with now turns out to be twins.. HABA!! Kuku kill am nahh..
If she wants to park to her father's house, let her go,. Because of what? Something that she shares more fault in.. the people you're parking to go and live with, remember they also have their own financial issues and stuff, but you want to go and inconvenience them because you want to be childish.. Baba go come carry babe enter house nack as she go as body no be fire wood.. in some cultures, if na you carry your load go, you can't come back just like that.. oga might feel more insulted, he go come hardened him heart.. new babe wey dey help am cure konji go come carry belle, new family don start .
Madam go begin regret, all because she wants to revenge nonsense..
So please, if she wants to leave, she should leave,. Cos e be like say me we dey give am better advice, na me no like am🙏
How long would you be away for.
DeleteIf when you returned, things have changed for him and another woman. What would you say.
Baby care is more than hospital list and ante natal.
His paternity denial was very low. But he is no reported to have been a bad husband and father before the incident. Such statement can be treated as careless words of anger deserving of an apology to the Poster.
Going forward, so long as he meets his obligations to the children, Poster should be focused on safe delivery instead of looking for wetin go pain her husband well well. If I tell Poster, she get the liver to do am.
Poster, safe delivery and best wishes. Tell am say your co-Bvs and online in-laws send you all regards.
@Dante He wasn't at fault? He impregnated his wife and abandoned her to raise money for antenatal and still emotionally abused her by denying the paternity of the children and you say he wasn't at fault? He insisted that his wife kill his children and you say he wasn't at fault?
DeleteWhat stopped him from wearing a condom or getting a vasectomy?
God forbid men like these
Fabulous
DeleteTruly walking abominations is what many of them are
Fab..
DeleteRead to understand.
I said she's more at fault, than him.
See how you're trying to paint him as the evil one and exonerating the wife.. you see this thing you ladies do here, refusing to be honest and sincere with women,. It would be the end of lots of women that take advice from y'all
I’m very curious as to how she’s more at fault than him. I’m very curious Dante
DeleteEka..
DeleteI don't expect you to understand. For obvious reasons.
You did the same wrong she did. It's very wrong. Remember I called you out on it back then. It's very wrong.
@Dante, I really cannot believe you wrote all these. I used to think you're neutral in matters like these even when BVs would paint you as supporting men. I guess they were right all along.
DeleteI digressed, back to the point. She's more at fault than him? How? I believe you are educated, why would you say she's more at fault if you are not a selfish person?
So, women would bear the burden of childbearing, nursing a baby coupled with running the home (and in her own case being a provider too) and you think it is okay to put the blame/responsibility of family planning on her?
This woman was going through the stress of carrying TWINS plus her toddler and still had to stay awake at night while her husband sleeps just to provide money for antenatal? Do you know what pregnancy does to women? Have you lived with a pregnant woman till she put to birth? I'm just so pissed! How dare you support this and say she's more at fault?!
Let me just stop here. In the end, it's God that will judge all of us.
16:42 and OP’s hubby same WhatsApp group! Lazy ass selfish men! After discussing with your wife on your decision not have more children, you left the entire responsibility of following through to ensure your plan is intact, to her alone.
ReplyDeleteWhy did you not get a vasectomy???
When the plan did not work out, you *fought* with your pregnant wife. Wicked man! You could not man up and double your hustle.
No man can try this with me lia lia, cos like the OP, I will “man up” and wear the adult pants when I need to. But you see that man, no single support from me to him.
Reasoning like these is what has contributed to a high divorce rate, continue externalising/apportioning blames instead of understanding the reality: *some men will not support even their wives if an unplanned pregnancy occurs*
DeleteWe know this as singles but tend to let our guards down when married.
LADIES please discuss everything and agree with hubby before getting pregnant in this harsh economy. Sometimes we think "oh he will support me always, he is supposed to" but the road to that expectation has been the death of many marriages.
Forgive for the sake of your peace of mind, though it's hard to forget, little by little it will still pass, it now your turn to bend your neck for him,safe delivery and congratulations in advance,I love twins......... Josaria
ReplyDeleteThis your chronicles really touched me . Poster please leave that man he is not a husband. I am married with 2 kids a boy and a girl but I wanted more children but my husband said NO that 2 is OK for him. So I told him since you don't want again kindly wear CD when we do the do. Me I will not use because I still want babies, you wey no want wear condom. Case closed till today my husband still wears CD. My husband has decided not to have more children and has taken steps to do the right thing. While me am here waiting for when CD will burst one day! All that said please take care of yourself and forget about him just like Stella said he is a sperm donor . Leave that husband before he will send you to early grave! LIVE and take care of your children. You are pregnant you don't need anything to make you feel unhappy and start thinking HBP no good in pregnancy. Forget that useless husband. Mean evil man!
ReplyDeleteVery demonic useless man. So let's say she had aborted the twins and died in the process? What would the idi.ot have said. Abi its like Nigerian men think abortion is like removing snot from nose. I just pity women married to these type of humans.
DeleteWhy didn't you leave your husband when he didn't want more children? So she should leave in such a delicate period, with a toddler in tow just because she doesn't feel hurt ba!
DeleteThere's time for everything, please let's be careful how we counsel people to separate while we are seating pretty in our husbands house despite misunderstanding
Why didn't you leave your husband when he didn't want more children? So she should leave in such a delicate period, with a toddler in tow just because she doesn't feel hurt ba!
DeleteThere's time for everything, please let's be careful how we counsel people to separate while we are seating pretty in our husbands house despite misunderstanding
I'd tell everyone in my family and his family what he did to us and how I carried twin in the womb and worked overtime. After ridiculing him, he'd apologize really properly before things would return back to normal.
ReplyDeleteMany Nigerian men have poverty mentality + horrible character. And do not make a good father/husband.
ReplyDeleteThis chronicle only reminds me of how my mom told us my dad denied us(twins) while we were in her womb. He even beat her up while she was heavy. He wanted to use blow to give her abortion, its only by God's grace she and us survived.
After she put to birth he never stopped complaining from day 1 about how he was going to take care of his twin babies.
He carried on with this attitude even till we were young adults in uni. He favoured our other siblings more than us.(even when he was no longer poor at this time).
If not that he trust my mom, i personall is his carbon copy, and we also trust my mom is not a cheat /ashawo we would have concluded my mom actually had us from another man.
Poster just know you have a dead beatfather for your kids.
Do your best and ignore him totally. God will continue to bless your all round.
A lot of times I wish I never married a Nigerian man. The lack of emotional support is horrible. I’m only glad he helps out financially sha and helps around the house. but when it comes to showing care, affection, checking on how I’m doing, he won’t do. Just managing the marriage at least it’s not all completely horrible so I thank God.
Delete22:45 mehnnnnn imagine living like that for the test of your life. Wow!!!
DeleteCongratulations my sister! God has already come through for you by blessings the work of your hands. God has won the battle for you. You should be in a celebration mood, not in a revengeful or bitter mood . Forgive your husband! It is good for your spirit, soul and body.
ReplyDeleteYour husband is a terrible person, how can he ask you to abort the pregnancy that you both enjoyed together? He knew he wasn't ready for another baby, why didn't he ask you to go for family planning? Is not like you have plenty kids but just one and adding another one to the one you have wouldn't be a bad ideal.
ReplyDeleteI will say you should just focus on taking good care of your children, stay strong for them and ignore him. Of he was angry that you got pregnant and didn't ignore you then I would have said is okay but getting angry with you to the extend of saying he wasn't the father of your unborn babies that man is not a good person.
Channel all your love, time, attention, money towards your children. Love them more and forget about him. Hope after you give birth from the hospital just start family planning without informing him. Wishing you 6safe and smooth delivery.
Forgive him.
ReplyDeleteForgive him for your sanity..
ReplyDeleteCongratulations and safe delivery in advance..
My only Advice is ... Brace up for more surprises👌 The horse and Man ain't done yet.
ReplyDeleteStart building a solid investment portfolio for yourself,he won't change,he is just acting nice because he has seen your creating wealth for yourself without him,talking from experience he is after your money,happy delivery love.
ReplyDeleteGbam!!!
DeleteDear Poster,are you a Christian? If you are,then I would appeal to you to read 1st Corinthians 13:4-9. Meditate on those verses. In other words,keep reading them,memorising them,and muttering them to yourself. It would greatly help you overcome this situation . That man,is your husband,and you are both one. Please remember this. Forgive him..Bitterness can form cancerous cells....it would eat you from within...Also,pray for him...it's hard to hate or be mad at someone you pray for...God bless you Poster
ReplyDeleteThe Distinguished One
Did he remember 'they were bothered one' when he was insisting that his wife should murd. er those babies? This is how you people keep encouraging your useless men with their dirty lack of accountability. Abeg eff off with scrip.tures. Na pesin wey get good heart and who has learnt to pray for himself we dey pray for.
DeleteWhy should a woman be the one to do family planning when a man doesn't want more children????
ReplyDeleteBecause most Nigerian men believe everything is the fault of the woman and the men hate accountability and responsibilities
DeleteAnd are very selfish
Is it not the lack of accountability we are talking about? You want to fcuk unhindered but tell the woman to go and do the family planning.You don't know how to protect yourself as a man? You can't do vasectomy? Selfish devilish lot.
DeleteIt is more sensible to do proper contraception especially when we all know that women bears most of the pregnancy problems when we take in. You can complain all you want about how unfair it is, but let's take responsibility where necessary.
DeleteLadies, please know your husbands, don't test their support with pregnancy if you know that they exhibit MEAN streak on a normal day. Poster, you will be alright at the end of the day.
You now know your husband better and he now knows you a lot more too. You either choose to forgive him for your own mental health/sanity, or you can decide to hold it against him for a long time and make him pay(it is up to you too). Should you choose the latter, one part of your heart will forever be closed to him in the marriage. Maybe it will slowly affect the union, and just like the twin poster up there who's bitter at the rejection story told to her about happenings before her birth. The seed of bitterness has been sown and all her father's actions/inactions is being judged through that lens. THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO SOW FORGIVENESS on the earth.
Take time to grieve for the hurtful words, dashed expectations of who a husband ought to be that may probably not happen, then dry your tears and ask God to help/heal you. Wishing you a safe delivery ❤️❤️
When people show you their real self believe them!
ReplyDeleteReading all these comments just have me an awakening.
ReplyDeleteWomen dont actually rate men. You all don't like men for wí they are
I was once in your shoe... But thank God you have something doing for yourself ... Just be yourself take care of yourself and ignore him, he's just running away from responsibilities... God will be with you iIJN
ReplyDeleteAll of you are yarning dust. In marriage, it takes 2 to tango. You can't go against the wishes of your husband, if you want to be happy in Marriage. And per adventure the husband asks you to do something against your wish, take it to God in prayer and involve his family.
ReplyDeleteAs a woman and mother, let me tell you categorically that you are in the wrong. You got pregnant aginst your husband' wishes. He clearly explained that he does not have money and you went ahead and kept the baby expecting him to just move on like that, as what ? as the dummy or robot you married?
Does he not have his own feelings and fears? Do you not knwo thatthe fear of being unable to feed one's family is a man's greatest fear? You reduced that man to nothing and to cap it all, the pregnancy now happened to be twins! A man that told you he coulddn't take care of one, now finding out he has 2 on the way.
Let me just tell you to forgive your husband, God is giving you a chance to rebuild your home, by making your husband come back to beg you. Please except if he does not do his duties going forward, don't ruin your home o. Because you were at fault too. Both of you let pride get in your way. Pray for him, that God should provide for him immensely and give him wisdom and self control to build your home and going forward, let him lead you and follow his lead. Abeg.