Hmm..
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
THE BEST TIME TO ASK THE WAY FORWARD IN A RELATIONSHIP
I traveled with my bf for his friends wedding on the East, I intend to have a long conversation with him about my stand with him. I want to know what his plan for us is cos we have known each other for over four years and he is comfortable to take care of a family.
I am also doing well for myself but marriage talk is not making Sense. What is the beat time to have this conversation with him, in the night or morning the?.
I pray that his response is favourable to you....May you can also tell him you are pregnant and see his reaction...
I traveled with my bf for his friends wedding on the East, I intend to have a long conversation with him about my stand with him. I want to know what his plan for us is cos we have known each other for over four years and he is comfortable to take care of a family.
I am also doing well for myself but marriage talk is not making Sense. What is the beat time to have this conversation with him, in the night or morning the?.
I want us to have this Convo before we leave this state so that as I return back to my base I know the way forward . We may leave tomorrow or next cos we still have one more wedding to attend tomorrow, please I need urgent response....
Night time when you are both relaxed is a good time to ask. Please do not apply pressure asking ....
Night time when you are both relaxed is a good time to ask. Please do not apply pressure asking ....
I pray that his response is favourable to you....May you can also tell him you are pregnant and see his reaction...
😂 Stella is making me laugh with her last paragraph 🤣
ReplyDeleteI wish you best of luck babe, may you find/hear what you're looking for
Now
DeleteNow, poster, now is the time
4 whole years for people who are both comfortable… ha
4years is a long time if you are of marriageable age.
Now your manner of approach is all that matters, please do not make it seem like you are only talking about it because his friend just got married, but address it politely and with all openness and understanding… I hope you get a positive reply but if you don’t be mature about it.
I wish you great luck
Push up (original)
Stella hahahahah
DeleteAsk him in the evening, pray about it and allow God to take charge.
4years too much
My dear poster, if you are in a relationship with this person for 4 years it means you have come a long way. This means you should be comfortable talking about a lot of things with your future status of paramount importance. You should know when he is a better mood to listen. Some people do not like to be disturbed early morning for discussions. Some like evening or midnight discussions. Be open, plain and respectful while asking him. Depending on your ages since you already said that both of you can take care of a family, tell him you truly love him, that he is the type of person you would want as a husband. Then ask him what he thinks about marriage and if you are in his future. His answers will direct you to further questions. Do not use the "I am pregnant" phrase, though you want to pull his legs. Prepare your mind for his answers. It might not be hard as you are thinking. Who knows he is scared to ask you as well. Let this discussion not come out as a pressured one or spontaneous thing tell him you have thought about it for some time and witnessing all these weddings made you to ask him about the 2 of you. Please, do not keep a relationship where you are afraid to talk with each other. A friend is that person you can talk with not minding your tenses and punctuation, well not literally!
DeleteLas las ,las las na everybody go chop breakfast
DeleteHaahaaaahaaa. That pregnancy thjnb doesn't work on celibate couple. Just come out straight and talk.whatever will be will be. If marriage is meant to happen to you guys it will, if not to your tent each person.
ReplyDeleteHa Stella, she must not lie to ask a simple question.
ReplyDeleteOp. You can ask at night time. When you both may be together in happy mood.
He’s using you to hold body while he waits for his soul mate.
DeleteApply pressureeeeee
I hope it's not cos of the wedding you attended that's making you feel this way.
ReplyDeleteTo me, I think four years is enough to get married already. What's he still looking at if he's very comfortable and financial balance to settle down.
That wedding is also part of it..
DeleteNa so my guy babe come back that year from her friend wedding wey she do bridesmaid begin cry and give my guy attitude 😂😁
If you must ask him which I still don't think is proper, then you should wait when you get back to base. So it won't pass as if the wedding you both attended is putting pressure on you.
DeleteA woman asking what's the way forward in a relationship in regards to marriage to me, I see it as odd I must be candid here.
A man who truly loves you won't keep you that long most especially when he's financially buoyant to wife you.
You asking means you truly never had a place in his heart.
Men know quality women they want and believe me, if you're that kind of woman a man would do anything to have, you will see him beg to be your husband and not the other way round.
Yes I have seen men begged in tears to wife their woman. My elder sister I remember her husband begging her then in our house for her to accept him to wife her.
As a woman, you should have that commanding power for a man to beg to be your husband.
Ah Teejay! How can you say the question is not proper? For crying out loud they have been dating for four years, it's only proper for the lady to know where she stands with him. Even if na Bsc she dey run, she go don graduate and get certificate by now.
DeleteI feel the question can be asked any time. When you notice he is calm. Just stylishly ask him the questions with a smile on your face. You might go thus.. sweetie, what do you think about us and this relationship. We have been attending other people's wedding when will people attend ours?. Don't make it look so serious. You will definitely get answers.
ReplyDeleteYesss
DeleteWhich one is stylishly. Is he scared to bang her whenever he wants? I’m sure she also cooks for him. Poster sit him down like a mutuel person when things are in a relaxed mood, night or daytime it’s up to you. 4 years is a long time. A 4 year old child is running around and talking for you to understand him or her. He’s not ready for marriage. Stop wasting your time. Question is, are you ready to let go or continue to waste your time? It’s up to you. Goodluck.
DeleteNight time Oui! but pregnant non non! Pls don’t make it look as if you’re desperate just straight convo Goodluck
ReplyDelete- Anyin
Don't tell him you're pregnant..
ReplyDeleteThat shiii can just make me immediately develop hatred for you when I know it's a lie..
You must not lie or cunningly say stuff and try to insinuate one intentions from his response.. Matured People Communicate..
Una mouth go fit sharp to insult and talk down on man, when e reach to ask important thing, you go dey look for scope and corners to take enter, like say na crime..
Person wey Una don dey bang and all, wetin dey hard to reason matter with am point blank..
Which shame you still dey shame..
You better ask and know if you should keep your options open, before you'll come and call him Time Waster here tomorrow..
Guys, make Una self dey dey straight, if you don't want something serious or you no longer want something serious, update am asap.. if Una still won dey bang fine, but at least you both know where you stand until the agreement is reviewed
You know guy’s won’t come out straight due to human selfish nature. What person would want to let go of free pussy and cooking?? Na the woman need to give herself brain because men can give birth at any age. Women we can’t operate in that sense due to how God created us.
Delete16.11
DeleteThere's nothing free pvssy/cooking, here in Nigeria.
2. That they've been dating for 4 years isn't sufficient reason to conclude the guy isn't serious. More explanation has to be given.. what if they started dating as students, like when they were in 200 level, or started dating when they were 19 years, would you still say the guy is wasting her time cos 4 years after, when they're just done with schooling or when they're only 22 years and the guy is yet to marry her? So when stating how long they've been together, they need to add these necessary info too
*no not *nothing
DeleteWomen always talk about free V as if only the man takes. If the D is not free and sweet would she be there for 4years assuming that matter is involved.
DeleteWomen also always forget the provision from the man especially in this case the Poster has already done the maths of the man's pocket.
The worry about the question is indeed a flag about the nature of relationship. What have they been discussing those four years?
I suggest you bring the topic subtly, not direct. Discuss it when you both are relaxed and jolly, it can be at anytime of the day - it's the mood that matters not the time. You know him well I suppose.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I feel that this discussion should have been had before now, because 4 years is enough to make up your mind about the relationship; unless maybe you weren't interested in marriage before now.
I think it is also important to make sure you are calm and in a good mood.
ReplyDeleteIf you asks the question in a certain tone with some certain words, you may put him off.
Don’t demand answers, just ask calmly with the right words.
Be feminine and soft.
Pls don't tell him you are pregnant. It's not necessary. Discuss with him when you are both relaxed but I will advise that you wait till you're back from the weddings.
ReplyDeleteYou can discuss it with him at any time as long as the environment is conducive for such discussion. Don't even beat about the bush. Let him know you are serious about it.
ReplyDeleteYou can ask him that question any time of the day and if his response is not good enough, my friend you better gbawaa door he's a time waster
ReplyDeleteI am always baffled at how some women can swap bodily fluids with a man for several months/years...YET...when it comes to asking pertinent questions regarding the relationship, then they become shy and start writing all sorts of chronicles!
ReplyDeleteWhy are you more comfortable discussing your life/future with strangers, than the person who presumably knows you "inside and out"??
We don't know this man from Adam. We don't know his moodswings or his temperament. No one can confidently tell you when to discuss things with him. Only you know, based on your history with him.
There's no need to beat around the bush. Just ask him all the questions you have on your mind!
@I'm always baffles at how empty headed many of you sound.
DeleteWere you the one who spread her legs?
It held his penis erect?
Or it must be inconceivable to you that a man and woman will be in a relationship and not have sex ba?
As per animals always on heat.
Anyway I can't even blame ,Nigerian men are always happy to give that impression and reinforce vigourously.
@17.40...
DeleteFor someone whose head is so "full" 🙄🙄, you could definitely benefit from improving on your reading and comprehension skills.
My first paragraph obviously isn't in direct relation to the writer, hence the mention of "some women" and writing the timeline as months/years. It was a broad statement. Simple common sense would have helped you detect that.
You can make your points without insults.
DeleteIf you are called empty headed because of your very general statement about Nigerian men being happy to give the impression ..., would you be happy? Some people would actually see it as an empty headed statement you know?
Just ask him but don't use pregnancy oooooh
ReplyDeletePlease do not add pregnancy to it. You are not that desperate.
ReplyDeleteI would say actually return first before bringing up the topic, wait about a week then bring it up. Getting into heavy topics while on a trip should be avoided. Doesn’t matter the time of day or day of the week, what is important is that you bring it up when he is relaxed and not interrupting something else. You could even tell him in advance that you need to talk so he knows to keep himself free.
ReplyDeletePlease don't lie that you are pregnant o, I am team don't ask but omo 4 years is a long time, e reach to ask .
ReplyDeletePoster don't ask him jokingly o, ask with all seriousness, and if he doesn't come out plane or tries to dogde the question then just know that it's time to move or add a plan B.
ReplyDeleteYou can ask him when you both are relaxed and having a fun time chatting
Time to move on. Plan B is or will end in double dating (cheating) pure and simple.
DeleteWhy do some women think it is good for a woman or women to double date because a man is not serious?
The other day, the Poster who went on to marry her plan B and failed, came here to cry over money spent on plan A.
my dear, just be direct, something as serious as that. anytime of the day is fine, which one be night or day. just tell him you have something bothering your mind, if he asks you what it is. ask him what his plans are for settling down. its simple, which one is all these ceremony. no be fight but be calm, be direct and look him straight in the eye. dont tolerate time wasters or destiny delayers.
ReplyDeletea man who is crazy about you and who is financially ready will not want to loose you, he will want to marry you fast. anyway, i blame you gals giving them free cookie. he will use you till he finds that special somebody.
I wonder why a guy will be dating a lady, both attending weddings events together, yet he wouldn't talk of when he's getting married to the lady.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, ask him like normal conversation you both use to have and hear his response.
You should ask his plans for you when you are relaxed. Just don’t tell him you are pregnant as it may seem that you are trying to tie him down pls.
ReplyDeleteLadies should get this.
ReplyDeleteIf you are of marriageable age and you are expecting it to happen with any man you fall in love with, it is very adviseable to DEFINE the relationship from the very beginning. At most, 6 months is enough for any serious minded man to know whether he is going to make a woman his wife or not.
Dating should have a purpose. If that purpose is not defined early then you guys are just simply hooking up.
It is every woman's right to ask the man asking her out what his motives are. Yes some may straight up promise you that they are coming to you for marriage. Do not open your cookie jar until he has shown he is serious.
No man is permitted to waste your time. I don't understand how some people can spend over 2 years just doing boyfriend/girlfriend. That is a waste of life.
Let them call you desperate. That is their business. Your time and emotions should not be wasted on any man who is not willing to go to the last line with you.
The truth is, you most likely are a placeholder while he keeps an eye out for better option or dream woman. He may decide to settle with you if he can't do better or fears unfamiliarity or if dream lady is unwilling to handle some character defects like you.
ReplyDeleteIf a guy sees you as priority marriage mate, you wouldn't dream of this question. Na you go dey tell am, guy calm down let's know ourselves more. 4 whole years and reasonable comfort that is if it's not packaging and he is dragging feet...babe check time.
You sound a bit scared though, abi he started dating you before the babe they married, is that what cleared your eyes? For me, once a babe asks what next or where are we taking this, you are no longer the prize oh, like you are operating in full masculine energy.
If I were you, the heartfelt discussion is to thank him well well for the time together so far, but however you guys seem on a different wavelength for now, so you will like to suggest a timeout to re evaluate the growth of the relationship and keep your options open to new people, wish you both the best. Then jejely lessen attention, time and every premature wifely benefits that has kept him so comfortable. If you have liver for break up and don't dread single hood or a chance of a vindictive blindsided guy engaging the next babe that responds to hello, go with this. If you choose to die on his matter and decided that this is your best, another comment will help you out.
Sha don't learn in a hard way. Guys can be very strategic. The little comfort he has that you might have contributed to, might be you mentally labelled as a gold digger or him being too ego stripped from you knowing his little beginnings to do forever with you. Drop love and shine your eyes well on the mindset your guy is operating on. The discussion you should be having has not be mentioned in this chronicle. Cheers to sense!!!🥂🥂
I support this approach too.
DeletePoster don’t listen to this, how is asking what you people are “masculine energy”… so staying, abruptly breaking up or ghosting him (which is very immature by the way) is the best way to go?
DeleteDear poster, please do not take this advice, which one is “thanking him for the relationship so far”.
We are all adults, the end of a relationship is not a death sentence, not all will end in marriage.
This is not a master and slave relationship, I guess they’ve had other serious conversations, so why should this be any different?
Please do not ghost him except he isn’t being straight forward which proves he isn’t ready to settle down with you.
How can you both be traveling for weddings together yet you can’t talk about your relationship?
Push up (original)
Hmmm anon 16:43, you are kind of right though a bit condescending. I had similar experience in my longest relationship and I asked Bobo about it and, on a snooped Whatsapp conversation, my ex boo was bragging about how desperate I was, how he needs something fresh. Well he is ex boo now, maybe your approach might have helped. Poster you know your boo, if he is the sensible mature guy that needs a little urging then diplomatically ask. @Pushup, calm down abeg, the other poster didn't say ghosting, it's tactical withdrawal and it is not far fetched knowing the way men operates
DeleteAnon 16:43, exactly, this is what I wanted to read, alongside with Teejay's second comment. It's a man's responsibility to create an atmosphere of emotional security especially since they dictate if marriage happens. If you start pushing to be wifed, prepare to push all the way. A man who is down for you will make sure you know by words and deeds, no questions. Ask if you like, be prepared for the dynamics to change for better or worse. Don't forget to leave with your dignity if things go left. Ije love sha
DeleteAnony 18:27, hope you are not Poster's guy. For me, ask if you like but I absolutely agree you stop being too available. Let his mind toy with the idea of losing you small, a little shake of confidence of his hold over you is necessary, before you become the good girl that will carry last. First decide if he is the best husband material for you before you decide to make or mar. I can't be the one asking that knowing how guys talk. Frame your words, don't push it or being overly emotional. Don't even say it twice and watch his actions not words for 1 month. If no effort to marital journey, make yourself available for other men. Life shouldn't be that hard.
Delete16 :43
DeleteThis fabled contribution to a partner's financial upliftment in relationships, is it only from women to men. And is it done simply by being in the relationship with the man?
This four years mark, raises the question whether Poster and her friend have been ready for marriage all the four years.
Courtship is to know compatibility for marriage. So what is the big deal of masculine energy about asking when?
Some men are lukewarm in taking the marriage step. Asking them help to focus their minds. Above all the man may have plans marriage may hinder. The question is why is Poster not aware of any such plan if any.
The real issue is the Poster and her man have been playing each other. The Poster waiting to be asked, the man not willing to ask until his mind is fully sure beyond the shadow of doubt Poster is the one.
My sister, you are asking question after 4 years with a man? Anyway, it's not too late, i was also like you. Wasted 3 years in the relationship chased away several men and one day after being on his sister's bridesmaid train and realizing that every member of his and my family know about us, yet, not once has a conversation about marriage come up, i decided to bring it up myself.
ReplyDeleteThis triggered a spiral and after several failed attempts to work on the relationship, he eventually told me, that he has no plan to get married in the next 4 years. Which means i would have just continued to mumu myself with my ''fiance'', wey no get plan to marry me.
I met my husband exactly 2 weeks after that breakup, believe it or not. We got married after a year of dating. Ask, be gentle if that is your nature, but be firm. Very necessary.
It is always good to know where you stand in someone’s life. As hard as the truth will sometimes be to take, it is 100% better to know than not to know.
Delete4years fa. Not the finance is the problem o. There must have been signs but you didn't read meaning into them.
ReplyDeleteAre you Ed***'s girlfriend??? If yes, then we have a lot to talk about.
ReplyDeleteWomen we dey try oo
ReplyDelete4years of dating Kwa... 😩😔
Good luck on whatever his response would be, at least from there you'll know your next step
Reminds me of someone I know who's man bought her a car recently but has refused to marry her... this is four years of dating. OP ask ask ask ask let him not string u along.
ReplyDelete4 years. He has the money to maintain a family. I earn too. That's all about your relationship.
ReplyDeleteReturn home to think about your relationship with the man. Since you have decided to marry him, good. But ask yourself why he hasn't moved to marry you. Are there some issues about him and or you in the relationship. Think on this before you ask him. That is as important as the answer he gives.
Poster why not use this tactic: lessen the attention you've been giving him and see what happens. So not be afraid of break up cos it may definitely happen
ReplyDelete