Hmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
MARRYING SOMEONE YOU DONT LOVE
Hello Stella, please post.
I am getting married to a man that I don't like. At the beginning, I liked him. Along the line, I don't like the way he talks, the way his teeth is and his level of intelligence is a turn off.
I have told my parents severally that I no longer like this guy and they feel I am a bad person. The last time I told them, all my dad could say is that we should do family introduction.
We've done it and I won't stop thinking about how to cope with him for the rest of my life. The funny thing about this whole thing is that I avoid him (we live in different states) but I avoid seeing him. I can't remember the last time I said "I love you" I don't even care, I barely call.
He has complained severally and reported me to my sister and I was honestly thinking he would call the relationship off. Several times, he threatened to call it off but he will come back to apologize. I don't want to seem like the bad person and I don't want to call it off, was thinking he will do so.
He's a good guy but the way he thinks, talks etc is a turnoff. My heart doesn't beat for him, I might not be a lover girl but I know how my heart skips/beat when I communicate with someone I love. Generally, I am not the phone call type but I don't even look forward to communicating him and when he calls I might not even pick.
If I marry this guy and I am not happy, then I will accept my fate. I only want to ask what it feels like to be with someone you don't really like
*DO NOT SETTLE FOR LESS.... Call if off if you try your best to like him and still dont. call it off.
People pleasing syndrome on full blast. Call it off or at least postpone any ceremony until it fizzles out naturally
ReplyDeleteKindly end this joke because you will definitely cheat on this man. Forever is a very long time to spend in a loveless marriage. The moment you see your spec you will fall.
DeleteThe marriage will eventually end cus one persons life cannot sustain it. So end it before you also waste his money not just his time. If you want to run away and disconnect from everyone since you are to scared, do it now.
Push up (original)
Stella this is not about even settling for less, she does not like the guy, call it off now, which is all these I dont want to seem bad, if you genuinely don't see yourself settling with him, call it off
DeleteBe advised poster, this is full blown spirit husband shit. Better pray hmmmm.
DeleteWhat nonsense spirit husband. She said she no like him period. We’ve been in situations where we ended relationships due to one thing or the other🤷🏽♀️ everything is spiritual in a typical naija person. Na wa.
DeleteCall it off.
DeleteIf you don't call it off now, I can bet you, either of you will still end the marriage sooner than you expected, so like a saying ' a broken engagement is better than a broken marriage'. Please end it now.
DeleteNow that your heart doesn't carry it, walk away while its easy to. Meanwhile, find a better man for yourself and introduce to your patents.
ReplyDeleteIt's as straight as tomorrow being Sunday. Quit. Call it off. End it. Stop. Abort mission.
DeleteYou're not a bad person by rejecting what you don't like. Go ahead and be miserable all your life.
I'm also on this table, I find it difficult to date too, just when I think I'm liking someone that may lead to something... Boom I lose interest sharp sharp, whatever she does turns me off, I'm not getting younger too.... I had to Google y I lose interest easily, google termed it BIPOLAR DISORDER e just weak me
ReplyDeleteYou self sabotage cus you really enjoy being single.
DeleteDon’t force yourself to get married so you don’t suffer someone’s child, seek therapy and find out the main cause.
Push up (original)
You're gay na
DeleteGoogle is so crazy to ask this kind question 😄..
DeleteI asked them why i can't sleep the way i should, they said is HIV 😂😂jeez!
What you are talking about is not necessarily bipolar disorder. Please see a therapist. It may just be something little that you need to overcome. Also if you are a spiritual person, pray fervently and God will direct you on what to do.
DeleteMaybe you are sapiosexual?
DeleteSome of una dey try. Do not consider that guy cos of your parents. When the chips are down, you’ll be on your own.
ReplyDeleteWhat are you doing with someone you don’t like his teeth? To please your parents and siblings?
No one is a 💯but when you are with someone you love, you are proud of them even with their flaws and little errors.
I really hate it when parents force their kids to do things they don’t want to, especially when it comes to settling down.
Do not marry that guy cos you don’t want your parents to see you as a bad person. I consider my feelings and happiness before I consider even my parents. As long as I’m good with it, you have no say.
You deserve someone that’ll make you feel butterflies in your belly. Someone you can be proud of and be free with.
Do not punish yourself and that guy, let him go please.
Sluttychic.
"What are you doing with someone you don’t like his teeth" really got me laughing!
DeleteSave you both a lifetime of misery by backing out. I feel sorry for him, seems he has no spine. Babe don't like you, you still wanna marry her. Maybe someone swore for him not to have sense.
ReplyDeleteDon't make it about him, abeg. What of the lady the man disgusts that can't quit a life of misery. If she has spine, she should save herself and her life of forever regret. Let women take some responsibility for once.
DeleteIt's just a POV... Like you know this babe doesn't dig you, except she's pretending to show him she cares o, while writing another thing here, else don't force or marry someone who doesn't love you.
DeleteYou and yesterday's poster should switch partners. I was thinking out loud o. Maybe all this relationship that have compatibility issues should start dropping their partners number here o. Their partners might find their soul mate here. You never know. Make all of us begin switch fiancee. Lol it is well with you. Pray and let your spirit guide you. Rely on your heart at your own risk o. E better make man love woman pass o.
ReplyDeleteBut he seems to love her. That could be enough for both of them.
DeletePoster is he a responsible, God fearing man with his own resolve? Can he provide as a bread winner? Does he listen to your opinions on serious matters? Protection and security nko? Are his habits tolerable and how does he act while angry. Also watch how he treats people he feels are inferior to him and if he ticks those boxes positively, go ahead.
Nothing dey street and the so called love that we see and admire (as online inlaws) seems to be too VOLATILE Assin they way celeb couples are loveydovey then turn to hate each other is eish.The way they loved each other is the way they start hating each other even when they share children together, why go through all that??? There is a saying "A thing line between love and hate".
If you can like him and respect him that's good enough.
Funny enough the marriage may last.
It is not based on roller coaster feelings of lust, and it seems their respective families get on well enough to entrust their child to be the others lifepartner.
This seems like arranged marriage. Enter it with that mind and leave lust and butterfly.
Have your children and respect him as is due to true breadwinners.
Please let the young man know how you feel and save him from the future misery.
ReplyDeleteBetter to this now than a marriage
ReplyDeleteIt is not by force, nor is it fair to you or him. Call it off.
ReplyDeleteDon't go and marry and end up torturing somebody's son.
DeleteWhy will someone see eternal fire and jump into it because of my image, what his friends will say, what society will say, what my friends will say. SEE SOCIETY DOESN'T GIVE A HOOT ABOUT YOU. You're the only person that's going to be alone in that marriage. Please call it off and let him find someone that loves him. And No, there's nothing wrong with falling out of love. It's human nature.
ReplyDeleteAunty Clara. Na only you read Thrills and Boon abi?. Madam heart skipper/Mrs Romantic. You are looking for any justifiable reason to break off your engagement. There's nothing wrong with that. However, you must realize that love is a choice. It just doesn't happen organically.
ReplyDeleteFrom all you posted, I see you based your reasons more on the physical aspect even saying that you don't like how his teeth look. But i see a man who keeps coming for you and who values you enough to apologise even when you are the one in the wrong. Yes, he may not give you butterflies in your stomach. Trust me though, a lot of ladies that allowed that butterfly in stomach thing guide them into marriage, a wailing that butterfly has turned into tse-tse fly now. You need more than emotion to guide you into marriage. Love is not enough.
The decision on marraige is solely yours to take. You need genuine reasons to back up that choice than just physical and intellectual score points. More importantly, ARE YOU READY FOR MARRIAGE?
Plus, this one wey your father wan quickly offload you so. E be like say no be the first time wey you don turn man down be this.
This makes sense actually. Although I think one should at least like their partner before getting married. Oh well.
DeleteI think she'll marry him tho. She doesn't have one single rebellious bone in her apparently.
What's this gibberish? She said she's not interested, stop forcing her to like a man she hates. If rotten teeth is her dealbreaker then that's her choice. You have no right to invalidate her reasons
DeleteHe irritates her. Do you understand that?
DeletePoints.
DeleteAs in, the old man be thinking "you don start again" 🤣
You are very funny 😂😂😂😭 Which one is butterfly turned to tsetsefly???😂😂3
DeleteHahahaha butterfly turn tsetse fly
DeleteHmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteThere is no pity when it comes to picking a life partner/ marriage. That is what I will tell you because this is what I tell everyone who comes here to say a guy broke up with them. While some blog visitors would berate the guy and wish him all sorts of names for breaking the poster's heart, I don't! Because nobody will marry you if you are not what they are looking for and that is the bitter truth. Some may say why did you waste his/her time and not break up on time so they could move on to someone else the truth is, They may not know three months into the relationship, even one year but only get to figure out an unpleasant trait of yours(just like this poster)2 years or three years in and right there they realise you are not what they are looking for and then you turn around and say someone dumped you.
ReplyDeleteYes, some know but still, stick around because of what they will benefit but most times, people do not go into relationships just to break up with you. Yes! your time was wasted but remember they also had their time wasted too.
Yes, it is hard and he will feel heartbroken you may seem like a bad person but Nobody marries out of pity. That is how you shortchange yourself. If he doesn't like you, trust me! he would NEVER marry you so why continue with him?
Besides, All relationships must not lead to marriage. I think people sometimes miss out on the true purpose of dating/courtship else most people will respectfully count their losses and move on when their partner tells them it is over.
Relationships are for you to ASSESS whether someone is right for you or not. If they are right for you based on your standards and requirements and interactions, you continue if you feel otherwise, you break up and keep searching.
I don't know why your parents are turning a deaf ear to you and separately trying to push you into a loveless marriage. How old are you? What is it about that man that is making them overlook your disgust for him?
Stop the cold treatment and respectfully let him down. Let him know the feeling is gone so he could move on as well unto a woman deserving of him same as you too.
P.S. He is not going to call it off. He knows you don't like him anymore. He sees the signs but his selfishness to have you will make him overlook the unhappiness his presence creates in your life and after marriage, he will get tired of pleasing you and resent you.
Nothing to add@15:38
DeletePoster repeat the P.S part of Anon 15:38, 300 times
DeletePoster repeat the P.S part of Anon 15:38, 300 times
DeleteImagine marrying someone who irritates you and makes your flesh crawl and whose thinking is like one bush, razz, primitive bush man, as in willingly marrying the person because you are a toddler who can't firmly state what she wants and what she will not accept.
ReplyDeleteNa was, nothing wey Edet no dey see for river.
Can never be me 🤮
DeleteHahahaha
DeleteCall it off now
ReplyDeleteI totally support you. Do not marry that guy. If you have prayed and continue feeling this way. Please break it off..
ReplyDeleteHow do you want to settle down with someone your heart doesn't beat for? Just how? Why do you want to please your parents and displease yourself? If you ask me, I'll advise you to call off that relationship for your own good.
ReplyDeleteWhy do you want to punish yourself for the rest of your life? You want to punish him also, if the feelings is not there and you are not missing him please do not say yes to him.
ReplyDeleteForget what your family members will say cos you are the one wearing that shoe. Call it off and move on with your life.
Not after wedding, in a year plus you divorce him and start all over again. A broken relationship is far better than a broken marriage. Life is too short for one to be married to someone that you do not love or makes you happy.
You see this type of guy that sees all these and doesn't break up with you. He'll deal with you in marriage because he now has the upper hand. Madam be patient with God and leave that guy
ReplyDeleteExactly
DeletePoster I was in your shoe 2016, when I told my family that I was ending it few weeks to the traditional marriage but they all refused. My sister was so interested about people she invited, her meeting people, her friends, how the society will look at her and our family.
ReplyDeleteNo one was considering my feelings, my happiness, my life, I went ahead to marry that guy. By 2018 February we have already gone our separate ways. 2017 we are already fed up with each other but I was still trying to cover up to see wife we could amend things but no way and by 2018 February we could no longer pretend. We are finally divorced, papers are signed. Telling you this cos our one year together was hell, never you settle for a person you do not love cos everything about them will surely irritate you. Forget about what your family are saying, when the chips are down everyone will say they told you not to marry him but you refused.
Do you when that when the problem of separation till divorce came me, my family said they told me not to marry that guy but I refused. Same people who pushed me into marrying him by adding desperation on my list. Telling me I was looking for money bag man, I want to stay old in my family house. Please never you allow anyone push you into what you will regrets tomorrow
I got married 5years ago to my baby daddy, I got pregnant at a very early age after my Secondary sch, and by then he was already a graduate. With time we grow apart over the years I have met different people during my poly days,uni days, even Nysc,I met someone that asked for my hand in marriage, I was so excited and I told my Mom, boom she refuse I tried talking to her but she said she will never allow her only child to birth children from different father, I was like ha!!! That my baby daddy na 11years ago matter she said it does not matter that he is a better man and the only one for me, although we were having these on and off relationship, that's how I return ring with tears to my ex. He cried,meself cry and we move on.
ReplyDeleteGot married to my baby daddy only because my mother wanted it not because I love him. and as only child I always respect her and do wateva she want. First year was difficult, argue over little issues , pack my things and left ,came back again. After all the wahala, i decided to over look his short coming,now the lost love don return lol we are now inseparatable , always together go out together, its surprising how the love just dey shack us for the past 4years. And am happy, my daughter is 16 now.
So poster just try to open your heart, remove negative vibe and taught from your heart correct him she he makes a mistake, spend time so you get to know him better, He has good intention. But if love nor come den call of the engagement. Try to understand him
I am not poster ooo but thanks for sharing.
DeleteIf your parents are encouraging you to marry a man you dislike and abhor and whose entire being absolutely disgusts you, then it means you are an ADULT, who is within a marriageable age.
ReplyDeleteYou're not a child, so quit acting like one. You are not a 🐐 g*at, so no one will tie a rope around your neck and drag you to the altar. So quit whining and do whatever it is you consider to be in your best interest.
If you go ahead with the marriage for whatever reason, you will be doing yourself irreparable harm and a great disservice. You will also be doing your children a great injustice.
Marriage can sometimes feel like a prison, when you love your partner, it makes it enjoyable on MOST days, when you despise your partner, you alone can guess the outcome.
We often talk about a scorned woman and the hell her fury can unleash, we don't talk enough about the evil a scorned man can do.
Shaaaaaaa invite us when you fix wedding date. I wish you a happy married life and an amazing union of love with your boo.
This is someone you will have to allow to climb on you and deposit his fluid inside of you, if you cannot stand him now, imagine how you will feel when he wants sex. The sight of him will make your stomach churn. Please walk away from wahala. You have not one ounce of desire to even speak to him, where will marriage go when he will be the first face you see first thing in the morning and last at night. First and last voice you hear, teeth you have to see at every meal. And a lifetime of intimacy with someone you don't even like talkless love.
ReplyDelete16:40
DeleteOther workable positions dey na. 😁
You painted a scary picture of the man. Poster, hear this and hear well 😀
DeletePoster please end the sham already. I totally understand how you feel. Being around someone that irritates you is the worst feeling ever, let alone marrying such person. God forbid
ReplyDeleteI do understand you poster... Was once in this shoe, the way he talks and reason, his teeth too is a turn off... Didn't like him, yet my mum will say na children dey important, womanhood no dey quick tey.. I prayed to God to pls save me from that situation... More than 3months,, he never call me.. so happy and relieved.
ReplyDeleteImagine a mother saying that. She’s not even worried about your emotional wellbeing, happiness and how you’ll handle this in your marriage. I’m glad you listened to your heart and prayed about it. Some of these our mothers need serious therapy!
DeletePoster forgot she I wasting the man's time. Poster reverse the situation. Would you want any man to wish you just go away while being lukewarm with you?
ReplyDeleteSee that no mention of you wasting your time because you are free to waste your time as you may.
That teeth you hate hope you know your kids will inherit it? Will you be happy with yourself?
ReplyDeleteIt's so unfortunate you do not love this guy, but I tell you,he would have been a better hubby to you. it is best a guy love you more in a relationship than the other way.
ReplyDeletePls poster,let him go since you do not love him so you don't make his life miserable after marriage.
You better end the charade now. I was in your shoes a few years ago and my mother somewhat pushed for the marriage to happen. My husband is a good man infact very very good but i always wish snd imagine I was with someone else. We are 3 years married but I don’t know how much longer I can keep up. He’s very good to me and our son but I just wish I was a bit more patient to shop around. Please don’t marry him. It will be like torture. I’m here mainly because of my son. Mind you I never changed my name as well. All documents carry my fathers name , international passport, my 2nd passport, driving license,office Id card and it will remain that way. As for cheating, I cannot because I’m very introverted and not the least interested
ReplyDelete