Hmmm...
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
BROKEN HEARTED
I am heart broken. I am brooding. My relationship of four years has just came to an end. He told me to stop calling him and he will never call me. Returned all my stuff n his house/car, etc.
It's so sad that I have to see this person everyday at work. We started dating before we started working together in the same hospital as doctors.
I am emotionally, psychosocially, mentally drained. Pls someone help me. I cannot function. I am tired.
Awwwwww.... can you get a transfer to another hospital? Since it is affecting you like this you cannot function well as a Doctor like this.
What led his taking this ? Why did he break up with you? Did you try to find out? Closure might help you heal faster.......
If you cannot find closure please leave that environment.....
May God heal your broken heart.
One day at a time and you’ll be fine
ReplyDeleteTake a break from work if you can
DeleteWork on yourself mentally and emotionally (also physically cus you have to be hot for your next relationship)
Then resume with so much strength
Even if you don’t even don’t feel that way act strong and unbothered.
He will eventually come back, but don’t give in.
Chai this is painful...May God give you strength...First off, take some leave at least 2 weeks so you can process your pain well then you can decide for a transfer or actively apply for other jobs...May God see you through...You will find love again...All the best
DeleteDon't compromise your job for someone who can dispose of you so easily. Keep your head up, don't chase him. In fact block him everywhere. Walk around your job looking good, smiling and cheerful. Act like he doesn't exist. This same man will seek your attention and then like magic you'll become irritated by him. Ladies don't allow anyone make you lose your self worth. There are too many men in this world. Stop focusing on the years spent. They have gone and you can never get them back. Learn the lessons and elevate your life.
DeleteSince you didn't intimate us on the cause of the break up, are we to take it that you just need to vent or you need actual advice?
ReplyDeleteHeartbreaks and breakups are a normal part of dating. Don't sweat yourself too much. You will be fine.
Hmmmmmmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteThis is serious oooooo, if you can get a transfer, good but if not, please let go, find time to go out and have fun, with this, u will get over you.
You will be fine poster,Ask for transfer and take a leave,to clear your mind.🤗🤗🤗
ReplyDeletePlease take a leave of absence -immediately!
ReplyDeleteYou are not in a profession that you can show up "drained", and still perform well. You might kill someone or some people.
Ps. What did he find out about you? For him to want to erase you completely, and not even keep a momento...hmmm...something is up.
Why are you suggesting he found out something about her??? What if he found someone else?
Delete4yrs is a long time to be in a relationship. Except if they started in school. Pls be kind.
Truth is that most men don't want to keep any momento of their ex. It affects new relationships because women look for them around a man, and they uncannily have a way of finding them no matter how well hidden.
DeleteFeel that pain baby girl. 4 years wasn't a joke. Cry, be sad, be angry, stalk his pages etc. Feel your pain; you're human. Nobody should tell you "you're a strong woman, jump on the next available guy, blah blah blah" No! You're human first and you have feelings, so my sister feel!
ReplyDeleteHowever, as a doctor dealing with lives, why don't you take some time off, maybe few weeks and be with family or friends. Also, prepare to get used to seeing him everyday at work, it won't be easy but one day at a time, you'll get your groove back.🫂
E-hugs dear poster. This too shall pass. I know the most painful part is that both of you are already know to other hospital staff and its not that easy moving on in the same environment. If it is possible to get a transfer, please do
ReplyDeleteDon't treat anybody . Take a break from work. We dunno the details of what led to the breakup. He can be cool after a break up, I see no reason why you should pin so much that your mental health is affected.
ReplyDelete🤗🤗🤗🤗
ReplyDeleteTime heals everything.. you'll be fine sweetie.. one day at a time
ReplyDeleteTake a leave from work to clear your head.
ReplyDeleteWhat happened. I pray that the Lord heals your heart ♥ . You will be fine. Someone worthy of you will come.
There's nothing louder than the silence between two people who used to love each other.
ReplyDeleteYou don't truly know the depth of your pain until you're pleading and crying out to God for help.
Poster, it's time to move on. Take this from me. Pain is not the problem. It's where the solution begins.
You will be fine with time.
Awww baby girl, I'm so sorry for this pain you are going through. Is it possible you can take leave off work for about 2 weeks to put your emotions in check before stepping into the hospital again? If so, please do that and please don't you ever let him see you cry over this.
ReplyDeleteThis thing called love... It can turn the strongest person to a weakling
ReplyDeleteRemember who you truly are. Sometimes we lose ourselves in relationships and when they are done we crumble. Remember your authentic self and go back to being her and you will be fine.
ReplyDeletePoster, please take annual leave or any kinda leave available for you to help you heal. You need to be emotionally stable to attend to patients.
ReplyDeleteI wish you all the best.
Awww so sorry darling, this was me last year January, the man whom I spent 4yrs with served me a hot breakfast, I cried a lot, I was miserable, I couldn't function like you now, But thank God for my pastor, that man spoke sense into me, prayed with me, and gradually I started moving on.
ReplyDeleteJanuary this year, an old friend of mine, who stays abroad came back to naija,this guy is rich,industrious,100times better than my ex , reconnected with me, like play like play, I'm getting married by May this year. I have peace and my man loves me like crazy.
Darling you will find love again, trust me, and it will be better than what you had before, Put your trust in God, All will be well.
Congratulations 🎊 dear. Poster, please draw strength and courage from this testimony. God will bless you even a 100 folds more than the one that's parting ways with you.
DeleteIt's a new chapter , so let your countenance shine henceforth. Crying with fix anything so don't dwell much on that phase of mourning.
Ehhh God ooo, who do us women like this? I was also in a mess like this. And crazy part is, these men move on so easily without a flinch. Abi no be the same 4 year relationship he was with you? And here you are, acting like he’s the last man on this planet earth. And I bet you he’s one of those shitty fragile easily bruised male ego naija men. You’re lucky you didn’t marry him like I have and had to endure shit in my marriage. I don finally wake up sha and doing much much better. Listen poster, stop living your life 💯 for these men. Most of naija men are not emotionally mature! Once they see you’ve depended totally on them, they’ll lose interest and start disrespecting you and treating you anyhow. I don’t know if it’s harsh condition of Nigeria but I’ve seen this same lack of maturity and selfishness in a lotttt of naija men except the real Christians and God fearing one.
ReplyDeleteDo NOT call this man I take God beg you. 🙏🏽 You’ve already lost your respect and self esteem in front of this man so there’s no point calling and begging him even if this is your fault(and I’m sure you’ve acknowledge and most likely apologized to him). But for whatever reason, he wants to end the relationship. Let him go. Your healing starts now. Like others said, take a leave of absence to heal your soul.
Here’s what I did to heal my own heart break. 1. You’ll need your family and friends support at this time because you’re not yourself. Take time to yourself but also surround yourself with loved ones.
2.You’ll need God at this time and prayers and main point of prayer everyday, anytime will be “God please heal my broken heart and fill the void in me that no other man or human being can fill (this works a lot and heals you much quicker self than anything else). You’ll start noticing you’re enough and enjoy your own company a lot more. Ask for forgiveness first for any wrongdoing.
3. Cry cry cry it out. Eat comfort foods, sleep and wake up whenever you want(take time off work). You basically need self care. Sign up for a gym and take classes there or start going for a run to sweat out those pain and frustration. let the sunshine on you. Take vitamins, get a massage, watch movies, go to the mall if you’re feeling too depressed sitting at home and just sit somewhere at the mall and read a magazine or window shop and just take in fresh air and take deep breaths. Don’t forget to block him and anything that reminds you of him or connects you to him.
By 2wks to 1 month, you’ll start to feel better I guarantee you. Right now you’re going through a withdrawal symptoms just like a drug addict who has depended on drugs for years. You’ve depended too much emotionally on this man. He’s been your drug for 4 years so you dey go through withdrawal phase. By month 3, if you do this, you’ll be in a much better state of mind. Don’t find another man oo else the cycle continues and you won’t heal completely. Take time to yourself and heal, and love yourself again so next time, you won’t take shit from any man. They’re more emotionally stronger than us because they act more logical and not on an emotional level like us! Bible says husband love your wife just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. and wife respect your husband. No be other way around. Let him do the loving and show you by his actions and just words because they’re wired this way. You also will show him love but not in a needy type of way or in a codependent way. Good luck! Ps: for your mental sanity sake, get a transfer or leave the hospital for a fresh start. You’ll easily get another job as a doctor anyway. Also figure out what you’ve done wrong in your relationship and how you can improve yourself because both of you are not perfect. Take accountability and work towards a better version of you so you can enjoy a good relationship/marriage.
This is why I don't go too deep when I am in a relationship with someone. I always leave room for the unexpected.
ReplyDeleteMaybe this thing I do is what they call "loving with your head" because I can't imagine telling you every details about me, you know the in and outs up and down, my struggle, pain, joy, life secret, my family, my movement then after all the amebo you leave😳
Imagine the whole exposure.
Apart from my walk with Christ and seeing premarital sex as a sin and so many good reasons, this is also part of the reason why I can't indulge in it with a mere boyfriend or fiance.
Poster let me tell you something. Since he is the one that broke up, trust me he feels powerful. If you want to take the power from him. Do the opposite of every single thing you have in your head.
Don't Block him on WhatsApp(be indifferent)
When you see him be cordial( don't engage in an unnecessary convo, just be cordial)
Even greet him first and walk away.
If possible advertise the broken relationship to your colleague that you have broken up (do it light-heartedly not in a sober way)
Act like he is dead when you have nothing to discuss(because he is dead to you)
When he calls you pick up and be professional and if you realise it is not work-related and he is trying to act fresh, politely cut him off and tell him you would call him back and never do.
Don't leave the office for him let him leave if he wants. Just treat him like an average Joe.
Mind you this will only work if you don't have any intention of getting back to him.
A guy once told me he was no longer interested in the relationship and I said okay. I guessed he was not informed, me that I only like men that like me. If you don't like me, I don't like you either.
Weeks later he walked up to me and asked me if I ever loved him and told me he missed me?😳😏
Me that I was done. You snooze you lose
Forget about him and start going out. See the problem is that sometimes women think they can only like them because they have spent so long with him .see him as a failed project. We win some we lose some.
and embark on a new one. They are lots of men to like out there, really good men. When you get to know someone new you would even shake your head for thinking (your ex)he was the world.
N:B, the guy in my story, we also worked in the same organisation and see each other every day. He later became embarrassed because he did not get the response he wanted. He later started avoiding the route I take whenever he saw me walk majestically to my office
Because they feel like mini gods when someone is wallowing in self pity for them. It boost their male ego fragility. I’m talking about men with insecurities and unfortunately them plenty in naija. Society has fucked up a lot of these men’s mind plus culture and how they view women. Poster shd do what’s best for her to heal. She doesn’t need to pick up his call if he calls because she’s really vulnerable right now and she’ll fall yakata. So I don’t agree with some of your comment but you made a valid point in some regardless.
DeleteWhat’s it with dating for four years in this blog? Eme diri unu ya eme
ReplyDeleteIt will get worse if you see him date someone else. Be strong,let him see you in high spirits always even if you have to pretend. Let him be the one to transfer if he can't stand seeing you happy.
ReplyDeleteThis is the reason I have my golden rule- « don’t sh** where you eat ». Dating can be messy, don’t let it affect your work.
ReplyDeleteCry if you must, shake him off. It’ll be tough and I’m sure you are tougher.
Once you cut him off, he’ll be shocked. Even when (yes that time will come) he starts dating someone new- likely someone in the same office.
Press ignore and give yourself treats. Get a male friend to come pick you up from work one day. No Dey send who no send you.
Hugs baby girl.
Omo heartbreak dey pain o.
ReplyDeletePoster sorry o.
But trust me you will be fine, soon.
First take a break, or transfer, purpose to snap out and heal.
You will be alright soon.
This is one of the major disadvantage of dating in ur work place...u get to still see the person everyday.
ReplyDeleteBaby girl, it's better the relationship break now than marriage to break. Same mistake I did dated this man fir 4 years, immediately he got a job abroad, his real character started, I told him I wont marry him again, he insisted we should marry so that his people will not laugh at him . We married on the 5th year, less than 3 months into marriage, bro said he is tired of the marriage, ever since then till now, he has been singing divorce. I have finally accepted, thank God no child yet, easy for me to start afresh, I still have lits of toasters, so will choose one of them
ReplyDeleteIt's not by long relationship my dear, let him.go. that's what I am experiencing, over 4 years of relationship, marriage had broken up, we haven't finalised divorce yet, maybe he is waiting for me to get a divorce lawyer first, he is so crazy cos I go carry belle for my next man, I no send whether bride price has been returned or not
ReplyDeleteCry if you want to, shout if you want to…you will be fine at the end of the day. I was in your shoes around this time last year and even sent in a chronicle but now I’m free and fine to the glory of God. Tell it to God, He knows about everything.
ReplyDeleteI trust the guy. He will start dating another doctor or nurse in the same hospital sharp sharp.
ReplyDeleteHe probably already is.
DeleteThis guy moved on long time ago but you didn't notice it cos you are the one on love. You are feeling this way cos you never noticed he has left the ship long time before he came back to return all you have him. 4 years is not a joke but you cannot stop breathing cos of one prick.
ReplyDeleteWe have some many of them who will treat you right. Pick up your broken heart, move on with life. I prayed one pray when I was growing up that God should never allow anything in life disturb or give me sleepless night. It is working for me, nothing will ever take away my sleep or make me lose concentration.
What has happened has happened, do not blame yourself cos it's his lost. Take some time off from work while you work on your mental health. The best way to pay him back is to remain strong as if never happened.
🤗🤗🤗🤗
May God heal your broken heart
ReplyDeleteSorry . Tell us everything nau. Heart break is deadly but you will survive it
ReplyDeleteOne day you will be in a much happier place and a healthy relationship you will call your ex and thank him for breaking up with you,Girl pray and relax,Prayer is everything . I’m a living testimony that God answers everything talk to God about this situation ,completely trust in God
ReplyDeleteI pray comfort for the poster in Jesus Name. Can our young women stop dating for this long please, unless you started it as students. Date with a clear purpose and let the guy know from day one that you aren’t looking for a S*x partner but a relationship that could, if you are compatible lead to a future. It’s blunt, not desperation.
ReplyDeleteI may be naive on the 54th floor but that’s how me & my friends did it. That way unserious guys can get out of your way early enough & not waste your time. A man isn’t doing you a favor if you are a colleague or a professional bringing value to the relationship so no need to be timid about your relationship goals.
You need time off immediately to get over him but try to get another job away from that environment. Forgive him even though he didn’t ask for it and may not have said he was sorry. “You never know how strong you are until you have to forgive someone who wasn't sorry, and accept an apology you never received”.
Forgiveness is the start of your healing journey. If you are a Christian, you will see that one day, it will make sense, you will thank God it happened though it’s painful right now. One day it will all make sense. Draw near to God in prayer and praises and “the glory of the latter will be greater than the former” in Jesus name.
Pls can we stop the generalized abuses or whatever on both genders? Just as there are mean guys, there are mean women. We will all be parents of both genders one day if we aren’t already one. As my Italian🇺🇸 pastor used to say, “train your kids very well as we live in the same school district/zip code so they don’t end up with my kids and mess them up”. That is the task of every godly parent. It may sound harsh but would you rather he married you if he was this mean to string her along for 4 years? Please guys & (ladies) don’t be time wasters & destiny wasters for others. Raise your kids well from childhood so they don’t mess up or break hearts after such a long time in a relationship. It’s within their rights to break up as relationships are at will but it would have felt a bit easier & fair 6 months into the relationship. Hold your shoulders high, you will meet someone who will love & cherish you forever soon!