Hmmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
RED FLAGS
I Started dating my boyfriend in December 2022. In the 2 months we've been dating, i have noticed he doesn't accept blame for anything even if it is clearly his fault.
He blames every other person except himself. He said it is not intentional ,he is just realizing he does that.
Secondly, when we are eating from different plates, he eats out of my plate but never allows me eat out of his plate, even if we are eating from the same plate, he will take from my side of the plate and leave his own side.
Both characters i mentioned up there doesn't sit well with me, it's giving me "selfish person" vibe.
Maybe i am just overthinking it
No you are not just reacting, these two things are serious redflags that you may want to look into before considering investing in the relationship....
You see that number 1, I can't deal with people who can't accept their faults, as an adult, you should you be able to take responsibility of your actions and not blame someone else for it.
ReplyDeleteFor the second one, check him out on other aspects, maybe he's foodie and that's why he's behaving like that.
These two issues really calls for concern, it's left to you on how to go about it.
*Larry was here*
I disagree with your assessment of the 2nd red flag. A foodie would buy more of the food, if they were in a restaurant ... or go and dish more food from the pan, if it was a home-cooked meal. Eating someone else's meal, whilst holding onto yours for later, is pure greed.
DeleteThese are signs that will affect you in the long run. Two months, you are already seeing causes of High BP and you're still questioning abi doubting your observation.
DeleteTruly signs are always visible but we choose to ignore
Nne honestly they never change. If you can, take a walk bc the selfishness is on an annoying lèvel. It will drive you nuts
DeleteOne problem I found out with people is that, the signs are always visible but they willl choose to overlook it.
ReplyDeleteThis is a red flag going into marriage with such a man. I hope desperation won't let you do that.
Everything you people will run and call innocent 'desperation'
DeleteAnon try to have sense and comprehend things.
DeleteDid you see me called her desperate? I only said ''I hope desperation won't let her do that.
How does that translate to what you just typed?''
15:19; Leave them be. Any small thing, "desperation" and when questioned, they "sing another song".
DeleteOnce netizens just "learn a new word", that word would be used over and over again, in and out of season, until, the word turns to "iron condemn", then they move on to the next.
If everything is seen as a red flag then I'm just wondering how does those who are married got married.
ReplyDeleteOr is it that most persons just don't care whilst the others do?
not like those people who get married never care about some things. The main thing is very possible that this same guy will be dating someone who doesn't care about his attitude. Some people do not care about sharing food with someone.
Deletei love to eat together with a friend, someone i am dating and i can eat out of your food even if we are having the same meal. I love when people admit they are wrong, apologize and we move forward than saying thy are never wrong but pointing at others' faults.
For her to complain that means she is not comfortable with those attitudes.
Those people that died nko? Why you no die follow them?
DeleteJust because people are doing something doesn't mean it is good for you. Some people had no choice.
I am a married woman. When i was single, i was very picky because i did not want to make mistake in marriage. My mother said that i will not see husband, because in her time, women did not have right to choose. It is the person that toast you first that you marry. I told her ''not me'', it is because of you and daddy's marriage that i am being picky. I don't want what you have.
I opened my eyes wide open like this and i thank God for my husband everyday. May God keep him safe and provide for him in Jesus name.
Amen love
DeleteAnon 15:06👌🏾 Two months into my relationship (not marriage o), we were still in 1 Cor 13 love, (love is patient, sees no wrong, is not easily provoked, bears all things, hopes all things, etc)… The second point is even more interesting because it’s a sign of love to some. Maybe I don’t like food but if you can take from my plate it means a lot to me. Point one shows as much who he is as who the poster is, immature. Life is not like everyone going around like Broshaggi saying “my bad, I take full responsibility”, men have ego, young women now have equal doses. You just need to have a conversation that you will appreciate committing to each other to take “Shaggi” responsibility when you are wrong. It’s not that deep in my opinion. Two months and the poster is believes these as “flags “? What do you guys consider as dating? Communicating and knowing each other or s*x? This is how many throw away destined spouses for flimsy reasons. Cook more food if you will, point out how point one is important and don’t leave an otherwise budding relationship! Two months?
DeleteFor the sake of all the “I can’t take this or that folks, make & female”, I have friends over sixty now who given the chance would have done things differently. A good marriage is for companionship, kids will grow up & move out. I have rich friends in their late fifties & 60s, affluent, successful but lonely, very lonely. Some were very good girls, not loose. Life happened, they nitpicked and never got away with it. Everyone’s destiny (&background or village people) is different. Being nit picky may end well for some but in my nearly 6 decades on earth, I have seen plenty of folks who threw away those who turned out to be good husbands for flimsy reasons. I see them living a life of loneliness & regret. Never marrying is different from being divorced, I see much less regret in divorced friends, especially if they left known jerks or abusive situations. See those ones who despite their beauty & the eligible guys flocking around them (who dissed them all on one excuse or the other), they live in regrets.
DeleteLOL. This guy is the chief of SELFISH!! You haven’t gone that far in the relationship, please break it off.
ReplyDeleteWhen someone loves you, they share with you....it’s from within, natural.
This man will save his salary and spend yours with you. They don’t get tired of complaining.
I detest selfish people!!
Sluttychic.
Blame culture is a big red flag.
ReplyDeleteSometimes it depends on how you look at it, I call my hubby pope, Saint, judge ikpe ama, cos he never makes mistakes, I will accept the mistakes with my full chest, it throws him off balance.
DeleteNow, when he notices he is wrong, he keeps quiet and starts looking for ways to amend
Judge ikpe ama, hahaha reminds me of my sibling who often calls me barrister ikpe ama, hahahaha
DeleteMy hubby showed these traits when we were dating, not always accepting blame and that eating part, we used to eat from the same plate but he ate like 80% so I stopped eating with him, but is he a bad husband? No way! In the 15years we've been married he takes care of me and kids and treats me like a queen, never disrespects me even when we are having arguments . What I'm saying in essence is ; there is no perfect person, we all have those flaws but if his bad surpasses his good overall or these issues are ones you can't tolerate , then you may have a rethink about going far in the relationship.
ReplyDeleteshe cannot tolerate them which is why is a big issue with her, another person will see the same thing and will be okay with it. If she loves to eat out from his food and he doesn't like it, she can talk with him to find out why he does that to her.
DeletePoster take this advice 💯
Delete😂 Ma, everyone can’t be like you. Please don’t suggest tolerance when she clearly stated the concerns and its effect on her. I won’t and don’t tolerate SELFISHNESS & SELF-CENTEREDNESS. It irks me.
DeleteGood comment anon 15:13
DeleteGood comment but they should stop eating together
DeleteIf he took from yours and let you take from his, that will be fine
ReplyDeleteBut this his own, I don’t understand
It’s something my little ones do and it’s cute for them but not for a full grown up
There is no red flag here. His up bringing is different from yours. With good communication and understanding, there no issue here.
ReplyDeleteposter take good communication and understanding.
DeleteFrom childhood, you are taught to share. Yes, could be it’s the way he was raised and that doesn’t change the fact that he is selfish. You eat from mine and I can’t eat from yours?
DeleteLet him look for someone with same upbringing, that way there will be peace.
Sluttychic.
His Up bringing is different from hers right.. so his upbringing is to take some else's food...and do not allow another person to take his own.. Zaram na waoo...
DeleteMy mama say, when family train child finish, child grows up and trains themselves in their own way. Make una no give am excuse.
DeleteDear poster, you are not over thinking it, you boyfriend is selfish and greedy, as Stellame said, that's a red flag so run for your life.
ReplyDeleteEvery small thing "run for your life".
DeleteAbi this one no get solution??? For how long way person go dey "run for in life". Abi you go run sotey you reach 45yrs old way you accept anybody way come because you don too run???
I believe the reason chronicle(s) is been sent here is for bvees to proffer solution. Now, how is this a solution to her chronicle???
15:53 so beyond criticising other opinions what is yours? What is your own wonderful solution ns?
Delete@ 15:23 I do agree with you, for how long will people be running? Some of this stuff a little communication can solve it, no one is perfect, he may not even think what he’s doing is, poster please talk to him, especially if he’s generally a good man Abeg
DeletePoster, do not take the advice of some BVs asking you to leave a two month relationship for things that good communication can resolve. I wonder what the spouses of ALL the perfect BVs will say is their flaws! They comment as if they are perfect & all flaws are with their partners! I have never eaten from the same plate with my partner unless we are eating starters (appetizers), finger foods or sharing a high calorie dessert! Who says you must eat from one plate & how do you arrive at their kind of conclusions from that! I read about many in their older years praying for husbands but what some will not tell you is their regrets!
DeleteMarriage or loving relationships is between two imperfect people from two different backgrounds who are determined to love, live & do life together. Absent Physical, emotional, verbal & psychological abuse, once there is love and hard work with determination, be careful what advice you take from complete outsiders! I’m mid fifties and have friends & acquittances in their 60s who have secret regrets of dumping guys over what now seems little compared to the pangs of loneliness & regrets they go through. The online advisers would have disappeared from your life but you will live with the consequences of flimsy, not well thought out decisions. Regret is a terrible thing, a driver of mental health issues. Find out by praying to God if the man is yours and communicate. Serve food on different plates & talk the second point over. Communication & getting better is still what you will do for the decades you will be married. There is no perfect person this side of heaven!
You see that eating from your own side of the plate eh. A former colleague, years ago said her husband was doing that because they were having issues and he was afraid she might poison him. They later divorced though she is late now.
ReplyDeleteThis here is true. When one does not trust you. They eat from your own side of the plate when you serve food.
DeleteIt's a bad habit for some people.
DeleteMy ex used to do that to me, and I hated it so much.
Initially, I said it was love. But when he would come over and I want to make something for us to eat, after frying Irish and plantains, I go ask, sweetie, how many eggs should I fry for you, he go say 3 or 4. I will be like, what does an adult needs 4 eggs for 🤨 Sha I go fry the 4 for him and fry 1 or 2 for my self. Omoh, this guy go eat his food and eat mine too 🤯
Let me not talk about how he go just finish everything inside the soup that we're eating because I be slow eater.
So one day like that I prepared fresh fish stew, so while we were about to eat, my phone rang so I answered the call like 3 minutes, only for me to turn and see that he has finished the whole fish and meat 😳😳. Omoh, isi agbakam! I shouted at him ehh, he was like, is because the fish is very sweet 😭😭.
I no do again, Biko.
Gbawa door.
So,
It's a Red Flag🚩🚩🚩❌❌🚫🚫
🤣🤣🤣@Apple
DeleteChineke ekwela ihe ojo, what level of selfishness is this, abi was he raised in a penury. I know that poverty can result in this kind this, tufia
DeleteApple ooo 😂😂😂😂
DeleteThe earlier the better!
ReplyDeleteSounds like he's a selfish guy.
ReplyDeleteHe is selfish and will drain you. Imagine eating from your side of the plate when he ought to eat and remain for you. His behavior doesn't show care, it's all about him and that's bad for a relationship. If you can't cope, work away now, the earlier the better. He is an adult and will only change when he decides to.
ReplyDeleteHe sounds annoying. Do you like to be around annoying ppl?
ReplyDeleteNne that red flag for number one is a no no no thing for me. If he cannot accept fault that means he is a perfect guy which is very impossible for a person to be perfect. That means when you guys finally get married he will never accept he is ever wrong.
ReplyDeleteIs he ready to learn and change for good? If he's ready to learn to take responsibility for his actions, good. If he's also ready to learn to be more selfless with food and other things, good. He can be worked on.
ReplyDeletePeople like this are very annoying, selfish and stingy. i dated someone who had similar character. when we order for food at the eatery, he would leave his,and starts checking the size of my meat. Atimes he would say" it seems your meat is bigger than mine" and then he would exchange it. He will deep his spoon into my food but refuses me from doing same. We both made order but once he sees mine, he becomes interested in mine.
ReplyDeleteMe: I ran away oo. i cant deal.
Nawao kai
DeleteHmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteRelax and enjoy the relationship while it lasts. That's not your husband. When he eventually meets his wife, she won't notice or mind these things you are not comfortable with. And when you meet your husband, no one will tell you because you will find that you are able to overlook stuff.
ReplyDeleteAnother point is, when a man loves a woman, giving her his last food and even going hungry entirely will be one of the littlest things he can give up for her. Heavens will hear, the earth will know and you will have no doubt or questions about it.
How do I like this comment♥️
Delete100 likes for this comment
DeleteIf you can't cope with his attitude take a walk now that the relationship is still young. He may be worse in marriage.
ReplyDeleteYou are seeing crimson blanket waving in the wind, you are still asking JAMB question.
ReplyDeleteThat number 1 will turn your enemy mad in marriage, everything will be your fault. If the sun is too harsh it is your fault, if he wakes up late , your fault. He will always be right and you will always be wrong.
You are not a nanny.
The time you should spend upgrading yourself through out your marriage, you will soend it trying to teach a man accountability and responsibility?
Is that what you want for yourself?
Are you ready for unending headache and embarrassment?
Dear Poster, you see that no 1? That's the main problem.....
ReplyDeletePls run o! I’m dealing with this now in my marriage . We are undergoing therapy. Even during therapy they’ll ask him .. what are the things you’ll like to work on or what are the things you will do differently and oga will start yarning on and on and on about all the things I have done. And I’m like na wa o !
ReplyDeleteA selfish person dictated.....
ReplyDeleteChim-oma a.k.a Miss Kapusu
That no one is a sign of a narcissist. No two he is a self centered person. If you know you can cope go but if you know you can't run, I say run to avoid plenty chronicles sister mer.
ReplyDeleteYou are on point. The little things people overlook at the beginning usually turn to the worst things that would make life unbearable.
DeleteThe guy is selfish and as for not owning up to his faults that is a recipe for disaster in marriage. So my dear, the decision u need to make is obvious. Do it now so u don’t end up sending a chronicle of regret in future.
ReplyDelete