Hmmm....
PRETENCIOUS MOTHER IN LAW
I've been nursing this feeling that my mother in law might not really be the kind of person she portrays but now it has dawned on me that my intuition was 100 % right due to a recent event that opened my eyes on how things have really been. She pretends to like me in my front but act otherwise when I'm not present.
For instance, there was a day I actually talked with her on her son's predicament and how we can help in tackling it. This was actually the first time in almost two years that I sat with her to discuss her son and this was because I was really worried.
For instance, there was a day I actually talked with her on her son's predicament and how we can help in tackling it. This was actually the first time in almost two years that I sat with her to discuss her son and this was because I was really worried.
The next day, my husband went to see her and came back a changed man. His behavior and attitude towards me totally changed. He wasn't happy with me. It just felt like he resents me. I had to sit him down and ask him what I did wrong. That was when he narrated what his mum told her that I did.
Now, she actually told him about our discussion but in a way that I'm a bad person with no good intentions except to disgrace him. I never asked her to go and tell her son about our discussion but to give him some motherly advice that can help alleviate or even eliminate the situation. Now, that apart.
She always likes to use dreams to tell me indirectly that I'm not doing well. I do exclusive breast feeding for my baby and she always makes a comment like "I had a dream that my baby came to her and was crying that there is enough food in the house and I refused to feed him" therefore, that I should should stop EBF when my baby clocks 3.months. Of course I told her no that I can only stop if I'm not able to carry on again maybe because of sickness.
Another one, was saying that "hmmmm, your babies stomach is so flat" but I had to shun her immediately that my babies weight as at that time was very okay according to the Pediatrician.
Recently, something happened between me and my husband, I think he called her and complained to her. She went and called my mum instead of me and told her a lot of things. My mum called me and was asking me why and I was like why what.?
Then she was surprised and asked me didn't my Mother Inlaw call me. I said no she didn't. Now this is a woman I talk to every day.
What made me so angry was that she called me that same morning and was acting all nice like nothing happened. She had no idea that I already know what she did. She called me again later in the day, very late at night unlike her but I was really upset that I refused to pick her call. I think she complained to her son because my husband has been acting so nice and I think he is already regretting his action. There are so many other instances but I don't want to make this longer than it already is.
I find out that she is someone that doesn't say anything good about anybody. I have never met my sister in laws but the way she described them to me eeeh, if I'm not quite discerning, I will meet them for the first time and automatically become weary of them.
My husband actually told me to pay no mind to whatever she is telling me about them........It was during these few days that I discovered that she never wanted her son to marry me.
My anger right now is that she acts so so nice in my front, that if you see where she is praising me, you would wish to have a mum In-law like her.
I've not spoken to her for the past three days and I have no intentions to.
I know that my husband does not know how to go about the situation and I'm just wondering what to do...
Should I confront her or talk to my husband about her and how I feel, or should I just mind my business and pretend like I'm okay her? What do I do?
Hmmmmm...... Ignore her but have a one on one with our husband if you can trust him to rectify the situation without throwing you under the Bus...If not then please her and act like nothing happened but stop discussing anything at all with her and stop making so many calls back and forth.... Just act really nice and sweet to match her niceness......... Please DO NOT confront her as this might escalate the issue.
Do not confront her. From what you wrote about her, she’s troublesome and two faced.
ReplyDeleteY’all can be pretending na or you can’t act it?
Don’t give her the impression what she’s doing is getting to you, try to conceal your anger and pain.
Her type will heap lies on you and they will stick. Just play along.
Sluttychic.
There's nothing wrong in ghosting her. If you don't speak to her, she won't have any thing to say about you unless she is a manufacturer. Answer her calls if you may, form busy and end the call. Do it multiple times, if she does not get the drift, then know she has damaged your name more than you can imagine.
DeleteGood luck.
Dear poster
DeleteDo not confront her, simply avoid her
Someone that has nothing nice to say about her own children, how do you expect her to have your back.
Be cordial, don’t give her any personal gist or give your input whenever she brings any gossip your way.
Don’t share too much so she doesn’t twist your words, just remain respectful.
Push up (original)
The earlier we start realizing that ur mother in law is ur mother in law and not ur mother the better for us.
DeletePoster she is exactly like my MIL. There is nothing u will do that will be right. Just ghost and avoid her. Don’t call except it’s necessary and no small small chit chat. My own dealt with me till I had to do all that.
Your mother-in-law is a busybody and troublemaker. You just have to keep people like that at arms length and have superficial conversations. Stick with the weather and current affairs in the news, go no deeper than that. She will not change, this is who she is. Always remember, any dog that brings a bone will take one too.
ReplyDeleteShe should be encouraged go do things with her friends, community, or religious institution that keeps her too busy to be so overly present and involved in your lives.
You and your husband should make a pact to never involve any family from both sides in any of y your issues. If he agrees to this, just ignore her and smile like all is well. She’ll fish for issues but she will never see.
DeleteOn the other hand, if your husband does not agree to keep your issues from family, then talk to your husband about her actions calmly . She is his mother foreverr
Dear poster, you are seeing signs now that are telling you to adjust your relationship with her. I admire and appreciate the fact that you treat her like your own. But she has shown you are not her own. Therefore, be respectful and don't bother going back and forth. The relationship is damaged. You have to decide what you can tolerate and adjust accordingly. Or you can keep taking the bs in the name of being a good DIL. What actions will give you peace of mind and in your marriage? God has shown you the game. Do you want to play along or get out of it (I don't mean divorce)?You know what you want or have to do.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what u r talking about cos I'm presently in ur shoes but louck on my side...hubby knows d kind of person his mum is...so I just ignore and we both pretend as if the other doesn't exist until we see face to face and then we give each pretentious smiles and hugs...
ReplyDeleteOhhhh Stella, thank you for posting, I actually thought it entered your spam... Thank you 'cause I'm greatly troubled
ReplyDeleteIf she was your mum, how would you handle her? I feel you are picking at every little fault of hers. You are far from perfect and do not see her as family.
DeleteDon’t be troubled my dear cos you are not alone. My own mother in-law is the worst 2face being I’ve ever come across.
DeleteI lived in a family house taking care of her and doing things for her that I’ve never done for my mother. She will hype me that I’m the best daughter in-law she has but immediately my husband comes back she will paint me all sorts of evil. I will clean for her wash for her prepare her special meals but when my husband comes back from work she will call him to her room and tell him I’ve not greeted her since morning and will even plead with him not to tell me to avoid troubles,until one day my husband had to confront me.
This woman goes as far as arranging my husband’s ex girlfriend for him promising her that she should not mind this one wasting her time here that her son must marry her. She will tell the lady to visit when Only my husband is around. All because my husband’s ex gives her money. I’ve caught her on phone promising the lady that the day she and her son will marry will be her happiest day, after that she begged her for recharge card.
Note, all these while praising me as the best daughter in-law she has. She goes as far as calling “men of God” to put confusion in the midst of her children’s marriage so they can all leave their wives and face her. When I couldn’t bear anymore I moved out and insisted I will never live in the family house again. I’ve decided to cut her of like my other co wives and I have no regrets.
Go with the flow or are you really that petty or jobless? 😳. Get busy woman and remove your mind from there. You don't sound like a good person either
DeleteDid we read thr same thing??? Some of you who post or respond eh nawa ooo
DeleteYou don't understand the politics that goes on in the hoise between inlaws.
Is your MIL from ijebu and your husband an only son? Answer the question first, i dey come.
ReplyDeleteAbeg get out with your bigotry and tribalism.
DeletePoster mind your business, ignore her
ReplyDeleteReduce the calling, don't confront her, stop telling her things about your husband or your family generally and tell your husband to stop telling his mum things about you.
DeleteThat doesn't mean that you should be harsh on her. Pretend too if need be.
Get something doing if you are not doing anything.
Atimes, they feel that their daughter in laws are in competition with them. They need love too
Poster sorry for how you feel, but in my 30years of marriage, I have learnt not to discuss my issues with hubby or about him with his mother, brothers,sisters or any of his relations,they always escalate issues,you started reporting first and may be in a bid to retaliate, things are going south, please learn your lessons and move on.If you must complain or report to any one,it should be a responsible neutral person ,who wouldn't be biased
ReplyDeleteMil wahala.
ReplyDeletePoster Pele o
If she says something that you don't agree with you do not have to shun her, you can still be polite in the way you reply her.
ReplyDeleteDon't report your husband to her again, tell it all to God and find ways to discuss things with your husband himself
My dear give that mama a silence. Don't recent her and don't bring her close. At times you give her face at other times you pretend as if she no exist. That is how people with such character like to be treated.
ReplyDeleteI think you should also be very intentional with how you relate with her.
ReplyDeleteShine your teeth very well and be nice but bw wise.
No more discussions and heart to heart talk.
Just respect yourself and do not confront her.
My sister lock-up if u like call her from today till tomorrow nothing will change I was like that before, to the extent the woman called her son and asked if I no get work to do 🤣🤣🤣 na so I no send anybody again even him sisters, unless them call I go call else nothing from me only my good father-in-law, u should also understand that the kind of acceptance or validation u need to be accepted as theirs e no de happen ooo hmmm so just take am like that, but u can change the narrative from ur kids, if you’re ardent reader of chronicles on this blog u must have read the story of the lady that built a home for her in-laws they still betrayed her wen their son tried to get a second wife they all kept mute about till the late minute! So stay true to ursef and do what u can, best wishes.
ReplyDeleteAnyin
It's better to keep her at arm's length. Don't discuss anything with her, don't confront her. If it were me though I'd talk to my husband because I don't know how to bottle things up in my mind
ReplyDeleteI don't think you need the love of a mother in-law. You already know it all and a woke present day assertive wife, so no need for olden days kinda relationship. Leave that for old school wives like us.
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile, you can be cordial with someone even if you don't like them. If she doesn't like you, I guess she is doing her best to at least not to treat you like a leper. Or would you prefer she became down right b!tchy to you?
You find yourself in this predicament because you try so much to please her. Get busy with your life . Match her with same energy and you will be less bothered. Shikina👌
ReplyDeletePlease be speaking with her. She's your husband's mother. Be the good person you say you are and just ignore her attitude. If you confront her or show her any attitude, it means she was right about you all along and nobody including your husband will want to listen to your side of the story.
ReplyDeleteIgnore her attitude to continue to talk to her to the detriment of her own mental health and wellbeing?? What is wrong with some of you people ? Must she talk to her all the time? She needs to completely keep her distance before that woman destroys her marriage. Occasional hello is fine and whenever they see in any family get together or parties, she should just say hello and be cordial that’s all. I don’t advise closeness with in-laws to be honest. See finish go enter. Abi No be naija people we dey deal with hmmm. Poster. Don’t fight or argue with her. Just let her be if you still want your marriage. If you marry a mama’s boy it’s even worse. Speak your mind to your husband if need be because you can’t win with some of these in-laws man. It’s exhausting and draining. You need your mental sanity for you and your kids sake. Goodluck
Delete21:29,
DeleteAre you as described to the men and women married to your brothers, sisters, and cousins?
That is, are you the type of in-law you described?
The questions are based on the fact that most adults are in-laws by virtue of marriage themselves or being related to a married person.
Perfect advice, Stellz. There is nothing more to add.
ReplyDeletePoster. I don’t understand this your relationship dynamics. From day one, I do not discuss my husband or what he said, did or did not do with my/his family members. You do not know how it will be misconstrued when you are not there. Nobody needs to know your business and how you live with your husband. That way, they give you more respect. Plus, you speak to your mum in law everyday?? See finish will enter your marriage o!
ReplyDeleteI do not think it was a good idea to tell his mum to give him advice. Did you advice him first and he did not listen? Did you tell him that you were going to report him to his mum before telling his mum?
You need to calm down though and forgive her. Don’t be angry, it won’t accomplish anything. But cut down in those daily calls with her. It is not necessary and everyone should reserve their respect for each other. Call your own mum.
Pls be cordial with her but don't call all the time, you can call say like once a week ,don't report your husband to them ,they will alys pick his side and make you look like a bad person
ReplyDeleteDo not confront your mother in law, speak with your husband and make sure he doesn't share that with his mother. Reduce the calling, gist with her. Are you a full house wife cos you sounded like you have so much time on your hand.
ReplyDeleteMinimize your conversation with her, only discuss what is important and keep your family wahala far away from her. Your husband should trust you, he should always discuss with you than believing what his mum said.
Mother in-law wahala!
ReplyDeleteI tried to take mine as my mum but my dear,she truly shows me that she is not my mum and can't be my mum. My dear just ignore her,I think you are calling and seeing her too much.
Be respectful but get busy with your own family.
You wrote like a young bride,may God give you wisdom to deal with her.
You don't need to be going back and forth or argue with her,just thank her for the advise and do what you want to do after all you are not staying with her.
Don't stop your husband or yourself from giving her her upkeep but abeg reduce the communication.
Fix your marriage.
ReplyDeleteFocus on your marriage.
In-laws find it very hard to challenge, break or trouble well grounded marriages. Chronicles here confirm this fact.
Your mother-in-law and your mother, yes even she though you left her out as expected, are entering your marriage because of the crack in your marriage which you pointed out to your MIL who in turn, showed your mother.
There is a way your mother should have handled what she was told with you that would have prevented the cooking beef between you and your MIL.
All those talks about EBF, baby flat tummy, etc. are normal talk from older folks. I am sure during ante-natal and after, the experienced nurses warned you about most of what the older Mama's say to do that shouldn't be done. Even wives' mothers give such advice. But generally they are not seen as offensive or interference by their daughters. Neighbours and officious bystanders give such advice on parenting too. Are you going to eat beef with all of them as you planned to do with your MIL? Were you not reading the posts by the Bv going through motherhood on the types of intrusive advice from people on parenting?
Continue with your MIL as before apart from any gossips you use to contribute.
You and your husband are apparently doing good in marriage. You both should just fix the little crack there is.