Hmmmm!!!
Stella, I am the poster that got dragged for writing about my intending mother in-law. People saw "harshness" in what I wrote but I guess it's because of the situation I was in at that time.
I am not and never ever going to be a wife that will bring separation between my future husband and his mum. Never! I am an extreme introvert, love to be in my shell and hate crowd. My almost new family have a large family. The first time I attended their occasion, I worked like I have never worked (I am not used to this) but it can't be avoided.
I and this woman speak AT LEAST once weekly. I often visit them and help with errands. I notice my fiance elder brother and his wife stay/sleeps in their parents house because they also stay in that environment and that's why I am scared I will get to be sleeping in their house as my fiancé also stays close.
You guys won't understand until you choose to live close to your in-law and they keep calling you every now and then to come do one thing or the other, and then you lack privacy.
When the elder brother got married last year, he and the wife slept in their parents house the wedding night (heard that's the culture). What increased my fear is the fact that the next morning, this new wife was being tossed here and there like a child. They were just sending her all sorts of errands.
Me on the other hand stayed inside because I no fit do pass myself as I already worked my ass out the previous day. Now imagine how tired the new wife will be if I was that tired. The reason why I was that tired was because they didn't hire a cook, cleaner or caterer for the wedding. It was the aunties that did the cooking and this stressed the hell out of me because I had to help.
I no kuku complain but stressing a new wife who married the previous day is out of it (according to them, they wanna test how capable and hardworking she is).
Later that day, that girl asked me to massage her legs due to pains. These are my fears because my parents no use me like that and I won't use myself like that because I wanna satisfy in-laws.
My fiancé's family are the party freaks and they organize small parties every now and then which shows that I am going to continue this way. One day, I told my fiancé that I can't do this. I will have to choose the time I attend their small small occasions. His response was "he will choose between I and his parents and his pick are his parents" and that I cannot dictate for him bla bla bla.
This man won't set boundaries and when I refuse in the future, I will be the bad or lazy wife. My mum no stress me like this and I think I am free to choose how to use myself. We don't even host parties this much but when we do, we get caterers.
Before I forget, his mum asked him to give me clothes meant for his ex. The clothes are sewn Ankara and the mum sew it for the ex but the girl left this my fiancé. Now, she asked the son to present to me and he boldly did I refused because even if your mum sent you that kind of message, you should have applied wisdom as a man!
These are my fears, I am not saying do not listen to your mum but if it Is something that will affect me please don't bring it to me. We're planning for our wedding later this year, his mum had already gone to the market to buy materials for the parents without seeking the consent of my own parents.
Now, they gave my parents the material and it turns out it's what my parents have already. Why didn't you sit and discuss fabric type, color etc with my own parents before going ahead to buy? Same woman told us not to do church wedding, only engagement because church wedding is stressful.
My fiancé agreed but I disagreed and it was just the intervention of my parents that helped. I don't know how I am foolish or wicked because some blog visitors called me that but if you get to have a mum in-law that dictates to you every time especially when your man obeys everything at your own expense, then you will understand.
Thank you dear Eka Joy for understanding my feelings even when they all thought I am a very wicked person
Hmmmmm are you sure you should even go ahead and Marry this man? I cant deal with all these things you mentioned and it doesnt sound like you can as well oh.......
Lack of boundaries is a NONO. Me I see lots of red flags sha but goodluck to everyone involved.
ReplyDeletePoster what I deduced from your story is that the family are richer than yours. That is why the woman and her husband refused to do the white wedding. They don't want to spend extra and excessively than what they budgeted for and that is why you can't talk but can only agree with your family not to go ahead since the expenses is on their heads alone. The extra expenses will be on the heads of the parent and they don't want to incur more charges than the one they have already spent.
DeleteSecondly, they went ahead and bought the cloth without your parent permission which means they bought everything with their money.
The factor here is money
Do your family chip in their own part of the expenses or leave everything to that family to handle then when it comes to decision making they feel they want to have a say and must be heard.
I feel you are not saying everything. Look at the woman giving you clothes let's forget for once it was meant for the ex-girlfriend but what I deduced is that you are maybe always on the receiving end so in their eyes their own is to make decisions while yours is to comply. After all, if they decide to sit down and make decisions with you they are the ones who will be left with the bulk of finalising the whole project in the end.
If you want a solution to the issue on the ground and want blog visitors to advise you better. kindly come into the comment section and reply to these unanswered questions rather than ignore us and come again tomorrow to add more stories on this after we have moved on.
Sister cancel that wedding. Believe me,you would weep in it. The mother would even tell you,how to have sex to make babies.
DeleteRed flags be flying up and down
DeleteYou just do what you feel is the best for yo
Your in-laws are not bad people. They just have their way of life. If you cannot handle it, break up my dear.
DeleteHarry had a serious girlfriend before Meghan. The lady left because of what Meghan is fighting for today
Meghan shook head and is trying to change the royal family. That is why the world is dragging her and telling her to learn from Kate Middleton.
If your hubby was even supportive and had your ideologies but trapped in the tradition he was born into, it would have been better and different.
Your case is just like a Meghan marrying a William wey love them royal traditions well well. What will happen to her?
Bye
Anyone 17:20 and 2:05 may our good lord help you
DeletePoster, please run. I am married now for 4years, this is not how marriage is ooo
Infact some nights I don't cook and oga gets fast food
Face front poster, he is not husband material, if you marry from that family, you will suffer aswear.
Poster a man without a mind of his own is not a husband, he doesn't understand and cannot understand. He has told you he will choose his parents, so what are you still doing there? What?
DeleteIt will get worse not better
You did not say all of this before? Please, why do you still want to marry him after all these you stated?
ReplyDeletePoster, I didn’t read your previous chronicle so I’m typing a response based on this.
DeleteAre you and the other wives in the family financially independent and carry yourselves as such? Is your fiancé’s family rich? Is your family poor? As in, your parents have no formal education and living a very humble life in a face me I face you or in your village?
I’m asking the above questions because, poverty and financial dependency is a common factor for spouse’s family to make such demands of the wives.
His family wouldn’t ask you nor his brothers’ wives to cook, clean and generally test your hard work-ness if you were independent or family is educated and comfortable and carried yourselves as such.
They wouldn’t dare ask a young woman with a good employment benefits or successful businesswoman to do any of such chores.
My dear
DeleteYou haven’t met your own husband
There’s actually nothing we can do to change your mother inlaw or to make your hubby learn to set boundaries.
Not all men stand up for their wives or involve themselves in mother and daughter inlaw drama, it doesn’t make them wicked men, it just means they don’t want to be involved.
From your observation your man wants an (Ajayi) kind of lady who is communal in nature ( there are ladies like that, who like to be involved in everything no matter how tired they are) so I am wondering why he is engaged to someone like you.
You have also noticed, they like doing everything together so if you can’t stand it, please just get out now, don’t marry him and complain bitterly tomorrow because it will only get worse.
If you know you cannot manage, please don’t start.
This is why I keep telling everyone to marry their type… if you want a man to stand up for you, look for that man and marry. If you want a woman to turn to a house girl for your family… look for her, nobody should be too desperate to settle for what they don’t like. Since no one is willing to compromise.
Push up (original)
16:33 it’s not about her wealth
DeleteThis is how they do
They are probably happy doing all the cooking themselves for an event. They are bonding
However she doesn’t enjoy all this work. She needs to politely be excusing herself
Better pack your bags and leave. Don't think these are stopping after marriage, na continual things you dey. All this iyawo kekere da, ground pepper, wash plate, clearing the environment. It is called iyawo Ile work in Yoruba. You better Japa for your live cos you hubby no go support u
DeleteI am asking poster too. Why must you get married to that man???
DeleteThis is a disaster waiting to happen , move on!!!
Madam leave the community family alone
DeleteOkay poster, I hope you are in the comment section.
ReplyDeletePlease what good qualities do they have that despite everything you still want to go ahead? Tell me what is it about this family or your fiance that is pinning you down from moving forward?
It has not got to moving forward. She talked about her would be mother in-law and the family's way of life. You know here, we marry and marry the whole family. If she moves forward according to your proposal, will she marry the next man in isolation?
DeleteShe did not say anything out of sorts about her man. If only the man can man up to maintain lanes for all parties involved.
Must you marry into that family, I mean, is he the only man on earth?
DeleteSounds so toxic and stressful already.
I don't know why some men can't say NO to their mother.🙁
Apple
DeleteBecause they are selfish, weak or insensitive
Poster, you are over stressing this. Like I said, u wear the shoes and only u will know where it hurts. They will call u horrible because they want to be seen as the good DILs. What u can’t take when married, pls avoid while dating as it will only double or even triple in marriage.
ReplyDeleteIt’s already clear this man will throw u at their mercy if things ever went out of hand? Can u deal with this? You seem like the kind of person that will never be able to condone this level of excessiveness. It’s ur choice to make but personally, I wonder why u still want to go ahead with this marriage seeing the many red flags that clearly bother you.
I would rather remain single than be unhappy in a union supposed to bring me happiness.
Speak to ur fiancé at length. Discuss ur fears and worries with him and ask if there’s no way he can create these boundaries for u. His reaction will say a lot. Personally, I will not go into a family that will stress me as I am quite the lazy person sef.
P.S they will still attack this ur post. Ignore as much as u can. Take the advice you think will work best for u. I have a best friend whose horrible mother in law led to the death of her marriage (thank God) so please look very very carefully before u leap. Better a broken engagement than a broken marriage
Poster there is nothing more to add...Eka has said it all.....No need going ahead with this marriage... Don't be scared you will find someone better..... All the best!!
DeletePoster!! Your fears are valid. With what I know now,any thing you cannot continue or indulge,no use shame agree o. Better to be seen as you are than form what you are not.
ReplyDeleteI got married into a family that feels that marrying a new wife into that family is to come and slave. All what my mother in law passed through when she got married,not minding that the times were different,she wanted me to go through it all. And the worst was that they had so much control over my husband,so if I ever voiced out my reservations for some things,I was termed stubborn. For instance,my mother in law saw it as waste of money to cook with gas always,you must cook with firewood. Granted that gas is costly but it's almost taboo for her to see you cooking beans on gas.
She raises dust always because I cannot kill fowl. I told her,I can't even carry a live chicken let alone kill it,besides one doesn't need to go through that stress these days when you can simply pay to have it dressed in the market,that one na another wahala.
Then,all my husband's aunties were complaining and picking fights that I don't call them on the phone,for peace to reign I called them one after the other but my husband cannot even recognize my uncle if he sees him because,he doesn't even call or make an effort to know my family members . So many issues but I was playing so calm so they won't say they married a lawyer who wants to be bossy and all what's not. Where did it land me,we are currently separated because the intrusion was tooo much. They still have so much hold on him. He couldn't even stand up to defend me. They scold me like a baby,I cook for the whole house still e no reach. My dear,if u have prayed and this man is for you,set boundaries. Everybody go adjust but first be sure that your husband knows how to be in charge. Just as Eka Joy said,the man makes the whole thing easier. He needs to show he is in charge.
Jesus Christ! No wonder person tell me yesterday say I dey lucky. But why are they always so adamant about this calling thing when their own pikin no dey too call our parents and dem no dey vex?
DeleteThis is why I am warning the poster now
DeleteIt goes beyond having money, a friends mother inlaw who works expects her to also use firewood for some things
This is a very exposed mother inlaw who now stays abroad o. I feel some of them just want you to suffer meanwhile my own mother inlaw (though late) loves enjoyment
Sorry for your own predicament, you can never please them.
That call thing is one of he things I also faced in my marriage. My mil wants me to be at the beck and call of her daughter, but I set boundaries. I call her once in a while and go to her house during parties or the need arises. She wasn't pleased o but I set boundaries and I am at peace with myself. Thank God for the kind of husband I have, he made it easier for me
DeleteWhy will you go to your would be in laws house to work during parties when you are not a wife yet. You have started what you can't finish o.
Delete17:39
DeleteFirewood are best for some food because of the smoky flavour. Even some caterers use firewood because of that reason.
If she has prayed and this man is for her.
DeleteI laff in Isoko. Please leave prayers out of this matter. If she is meant to be in the family, she won't have all these complaints.
Was thinking I’ll see “I ended the relationship”. But noooo you’re still sending chronicle talking about the same sh*t. The warning signs are clear as daylight but you sha want to marry by fire by force. You will see shege ehn and send more chronicles, You never start. A man who’s not ready to pick his wife first over parents or any relatives is not ready for marriage! If you’re this much introvert, why get married self. When you have kids, you’ll be forced out of that shell you’ve been in and you’ll have no choice but cater to them. kids are demanding and will need your love and attention so don’t deprive them of that! Figure out why you’re this extremely introverted and check your mental health as well.
ReplyDeleteOlorun n gbo, poster you will see shege pro max in that house if you don't get out now.
DeleteHow does the husband's family just go ahead to pick clothes for both families without at least asking for their opinion? Such bossy set of people. See the kind suffer head work you are already doing as an ordinary fiancee fgs.
toxic Family detected, run o
ReplyDeleteNot toxic. Just totally different from her own family and very set in their ways. Their method of bonding is very different from what Poster is used to. Seems like a happy-go-one-big-family.
DeleteToxic? Very big NO.
They are bossy, intrusive
DeleteNot non toxic
You have seen what you are about entering,it is no more hidden to you. Pls note that it will get worse not better, it is also only you that decide what you want. From the pictures you painted up there, it is better you walk away.
ReplyDeleteComplaint: "The first time I attended their occasion, I worked like I have never worked (I am not used to this) but it can't be avoided"
ReplyDeleteReply: Poster were you the only that worked? No!
You said the aunties and females in the family all worked so they did not bother getting a chef or caterer because they knew they would do it themselves. Unfortunately for you, you were present. With of without you they would have done it, right?
Complaint: "I notice my fiance elder brother and his wife stay/sleeps in their parents house because they also stay in that environment and that's why I am scared I will get to be sleeping in their house as my fiancé also stays close".
Reply: is it all the time or once in a while when they visit?
Complaint: "this new wife was being tossed here and there like a child. They were just sending her all sorts of Me on the other hand stayed inside because I no fit do pass myself as I already worked my ass out the previous day"
Reply: by who? The parents? All the people who worked the previous day like you, were they also inside like you the next day. Or was it just the new wife that was tossed about after the wedding preparation? I asked this because you said the aunties did the cooking which means everyone worked out their asses and not only you.
Complaint: "One day, I told my fiancé that I can't do this. I will have to choose the time I attend their small small occasions. His response was "he will choose between I and his parents and his pick are his parents" and that I cannot dictate for him bla bla bla."
Reply: the statement you made does not in any warrant his harsh reply to you. Are you sure you did not say more than that?
How in heaven's name do you toss a newly wedded wife around like that?? There is no funking excuse for that, it shows they do not know how to care for people and are highly inconsiderate!! Who did the work for them before the wife came?
DeleteA new wife that lot of people carry like 'egg' at least for the first few days? Abeg stop.
Please change your ways if you are like these people.
My dear please abort mission.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you will be able to cope with all this stress,it is obvious that your fiance is not helping matters at all.
Poster, abort mission ASAP.I am speaking from experience.
ReplyDeleteComplaints: "This man won't set boundaries and when I refuse in the future, I will be the bad or lazy wife. My mum no stress me like this and I think I am free to choose how to use myself. We don't even host parties this much but when we do, we get caterers.
ReplyDeleteReply: That is their lifestyle, they handle parties themselves. They have are a close knit family where everyone "collides/meshes with everyone" he sees it as normal and if you don't leave he will think you are a nag.
Complaint: "Before I forget, his mum asked him to give me clothes meant for his ex. The clothes are sewn Ankara and the mum sew it for the ex but the girl left this my fiancé. Now, she asked the son to present to me and he boldly did I refused because even if your mum sent you that kind of message, you should have applied wisdom as a man!
Reply: Already sewn Ankara she bought for the ex but before she could give her the dress that one left their family so she thought to give you instead. Well your fiance should not have told you who it was formerly for if he wanted to to have it and Since he was going to tell you, he shouldn't have brought it to you. Does he expect you to accept it?He doesn't strike me as a really bright young man. Why you wanna marry him though?
Complaint:"These are my fears, I am not saying do not listen to your mum but if it Is something that will affect me please don't bring it to me. We're planning for our wedding later this year, his mum had already gone to the market to buy materials for the parents without seeking the consent of my own parents"
Really: is there a lack of communication between your parent and his parent? Do they interact at all? Because this doesn't make sense.
Complaint: "Now, they gave my parents the material and it turns out it's what my parents have already. Why didn't you sit and discuss fabric type, color etc with my own parents before going ahead to buy? Same woman told us not to do church wedding, only engagement because church wedding is stressful"
Reply: What are you still doing in the relationship?
Complaint:" My fiancé agreed but I disagreed and it was just the intervention of my parents that helped. I don't know how I am foolish or wicked because some blog visitors called me that but if you get to have a mum in-law that dictates to you every time especially when your man obeys everything at your own expense, then you will understand"
Really: nobody will understand anything because we still don't understand what you are doing there? Did they tie your legs there?
🤣 Graphic and picturesque.
DeleteYou really tried
DeleteThe last response is amazing 👏, like what is she still doing there. She is seeing slavery and happily walking into it. Then divorce happens and she becomes emotionally scarred for life.
DeleteSuffer no dey tire you? Nigeria is stressful, COMOT THERE MY FRIEND, THE MAN NO GET SENSE AND ISNT BRIGHT
DeleteFamily like house girls as wife
You'll sure have problem with your fiancé later even in marriage, because men like him will pick and respect their parents orders over their wives expense.
ReplyDeleteI have them as neighbours. The use the new wife as if it's not somebody that gave birth to her, all in the name of RESPECT
So with all these complaints, what is your reason for going ahead to marry this man?
ReplyDeleteYou obviously know how unhappy this marriage will turn out? You obviously know all the pain and stress that will come your way.
So my question is, why are you complaining? If this is what you want, then why not send a chronicle on how to cope with: in-laws you don’t like, fiancé that doesn’t love you, married life that will make you miserable?
Why don’t you ask the right questions to get advise on the sad journey that awaits you in few months?
My advise, change your mind set and start learning how to support your in-laws at home.
Identify chores that you will undertake and work on your mind to start doing them.
I am a man. Poster cannot cope even if she tries. She has been asked. What is special about the man for her since she is not special to him? Maybe the special things are money and s3x. We know women don't like admitting both in public.
DeleteUnless by divine intervention, that garment of sorrow left behind by the other woman is ...
Having said above, there is nothing wrong about the man and his family. At least there is a DIL coping well there. The family and the man are not socially compatible with the Poster. And she cannot change to meet them anywhere on this marriage road otherwise she would not have sent in two chronicles on the matter
Must you marry this guy with all you have written up there? Except there are other benefits you haven’t told us maybe it will be in the next update abi, women and dead on arrival choice of marriage, see the nonsense you want to enter with your clear eye
ReplyDeleteI think the guy's family is wealthy. Maybe that is the benefit that exists in all these for her. I may be wrong but the poster should come into the comment and shed light on that.
DeleteCome poster
DeleteIs this the reason?
If yes kindly stay and adjust after all the first wife has adjusted … just become and ajayi
If you also cannot adjust or find a way to cope then leave the man alone na, nobody can give you any advice that will make your man the boundaries kind of man. He is who he is, take it or leave it. Not all men are the same.
Push up (original)
@16:56
DeleteYou over sabi the matter. See how they buy and send Bride parents fabric to them? And every other month or two months na chop life flenjo.
An introvert woman who is not physically strong or stoic cannot be married to the family. Poster is neither yet she wants to put her head in with the hope of reorientating her fiance or his family. False hope.
They don't read like wealth, maybe just comfortable.
DeleteAll of you saying maybe the guy's family is wealthy and all, I don't think that is it. My husband's family is a little buoyant than my family, even with education and exposure but I can tell categorically that I married the best of the best family in this world. From mother to brother and sisters (who are even my best favourites). They all love and respect me so much. So, I think this is all about who the family is. I'm still always pained that I don't get to meet their dad cos I was told how much of enjoyment I would have been getting from him too.
DeletePoster, you can't cope just leave now without starting any wedding preparations. But wait oo, with all of these you wrote, which one is your mother in law buying clothes for your parents again? Are you still going ahead ni? 🙄
This family of yours reads like an Indian family except a few things you said that was out of line but the rest just seem like what I watch on zee world and it just seems that was what you were describing. All the family under one roof. Maybe the movies differ from the reality sha
ReplyDeleteI didn't read your first post. If the update is like this? Then you are a wicked person.
ReplyDeleteYes, you are wicked to YOU. With all in the update, you don't like yourself to put yourself through what is most likely ahead. See you, see more chronicles until you break up the family or your planned marriage.
Or
You are selfish against the man you want to marry. A man has told you he will choose his mum/family first. Please leave him to enjoy with his family. But no. You want to chook head inside marriage with him. In your mind, you are thinking, when I enter I will show you who is in charge and cut you loose from your mother's apron strings. O.Y. O. is your case. Your chronicles show you DO NOT HAVE THE MIND AND PHYSICAL CAPACITY for what you want to get yourself into. (sorry I shouted. I just want to be sure you heard me right)
Hope your fiance younger brother is dating or have you arranged for who will massage you the day after your marriage ceremony? Or you plan to start showing yourself immediately after the marriage ceremony?
Please have pity on your parents and siblings unless you oath to not tell them what you see in this planned marriage.
And by the way, some of una go dey downgrade men here. Really man and marriage important to a woman pass all despite all the tueh, tueh against men here.
Wetin be dis. No wonda d oda woman run leave d clothes gift.
Na man comment be dis.
Stella, please post. Doh.
I deliberately did not want to comment on your first Chronicles. Do you and let it be the benchmark. You see majority of those BVs that castigated you, they wont do one third of their recommendations. Very many are hypocrites here. They preach what they can't allow come near their sisters how much more them.
ReplyDeleteYour man has greater percentage of blame in any break in relationship with your mother in-law. I hope he realizes he's got as much allegiance to you as his family.
Just like in today's IHN, why must someone be tested for hard work with suffering when catering services could be outsourced? Or by the use of machines?
Some people were brought up differently and fusion/integration has to be gradual not automatic.
You see that your would be mother in-law, she won't accommodate a tenth of her intentions to you meted to her daughters in marriage.
What you can't do, start now to voice it out. Be emphatic about it. It will bring friction, now, yes, but everyone will at least with time know you can't afford it. If you displease yourself in trying to outdo yourself, by the time you out of tiredness, depression or sickness or pregnancy say no, it will look like you're infringing on "their rights".
The time of using domestic work to test how hard working someone is has long passed.
Good luck.
@Baltika, thank you for this comment.💕💕💕💕
DeletePut everything on pause. You can change your mind. You still have time to call it off.
ReplyDeleteMust you marry this man?
ReplyDeleteDear poster, my advice is to call things off. Things will only get worse and terrible. A man is supposed to put his wife and kids first before his parents and siblings but I don’t think that would be the case for you. You know your limits, don’t let them use work to change your complexion and you will be looking so tired and hopeless. If you can handle it just because you wanna be a Mrs, then go ahead. But just know that, your marriage with your fiancé will be helele and kitikiti. He will never support you, and will choose his family over you. And if you end up not doing his bedding, thanks to his mom, it might result to beating and emotional abuse and they will all hate you for being you. Marriage no be joke ooo. It’s not a boyfriend and girlfriend thing.
ReplyDeletePoster this is a simple case na, just walk out of the relationship now, because last last na only you go carry the cross, don't come and continue writing chronicles to us, we are not to decide for you, walk out while u still can.
ReplyDeleteThis man has clearly told you he will pick his parents over you, so what advise do you need from here again?
ReplyDeleteAnd you still want to go ahead with the wedding? SMH
ReplyDeleteWhere is the link to the first chronicle?
ReplyDeletePoster na only you Waka come?
ReplyDeleteThe poster does not seem like someone that wants to leave. So I don't know why she is disturbing us. The family she wants to marry into is already set in their ways and have their own style of doing things. If you go in there thinking to change things after the guy has told you his stance then na you sabi
ReplyDeleteExactly! Their family dynamic is a complete hemisphere away from her norm. The ppl aren't evil, they are just different. Her husband is in his comfort zone and does not see anything wrong with the way they do things, since it is the only reality he knows. They are a big group, she comes from a small group, so they will want to dominate and preserve their ways.
DeletePoster, what do you want us to tell you? If you need to marry into this family for whatever reason, then either speak up and let them know what your boundaries are, adjust to their ways of doing things, move far away to another state, or keep to yourself where you are and have limited contact since you are an intovert already. I think them being very social ppl also triggers your introverted nature because you are being stressed out and forced to socialize.
I hope those seeking spouses start looking at all angles of compatibility before committing to anyone.
Even when you’re pregnant and tired you’ll still work for your mil . Can’t be me.
ReplyDeleteStella you see that you red pen, I 2nd am.
ReplyDeletePoster this marriage ehh joy no dey o.
Imagine your man choosing his parents over you already.
This your man can never support your ideas, his parents/family will always come first before you and your unborn kids.
And you are going to complain and get tired and frustrated. Are you sure that is what you can handle ?
Don't be in a rush to answer Mrs.
Check this thing first.
This your man's family's attitude is already irritating me. I can't stand this their rubbish attitude. They acting like they are doing you a favour and you don't have a say.
I'm already pittying you.
So intheir opinion wives are slaves.
Laziness has really saved me and a lot of other women like me from a lot of things because I can’t even begin to imagine putting myself through this kind of stress not even for myself not to talk for anybody.
ReplyDeleteMy Inlaws that carried me like egg the first time I visited after our wedding before returning to our base. Even to carry plate to kitchen after eating my MIL refused.
Pls break off that thing you called engagement since he has already told you he would always choose his family over you, that an alarming red flag.
Wow. Kudos to that your sister in law, she’s really an endangered specie as I don’t even know many women like her. Like!!!
Seee!! I mentioned that carrying like egg statement somewhere above.
DeleteMe wey dey sleep till like 9am in my mum-in-law's house whenever I go visit, food would be ready sef whenever I wake up, haha.
I take correct care of her whenever she's in my house too, go out of my way to make sure she feels at home.
But then again, I Don kuku show say I no get power for work right from time.
How they use a bride that just came into their house officially less than 24hrs ago like that is beyond me, omooo.
Poster you are actually the main problem here. Why have you not ended this situations hip since....why are you bent on marrying someone that told you point blank that he will take his parents side over your side. That already is saying to me use the door.
ReplyDeleteYour husband's-to-be family are not bad people. If they were you won't still be there refusing to leave despite everything you wrote down here.
ReplyDeleteBecause before you brought this here, you would have complained to four friends and family and some would have asked you to exit if you know you can t cope but you refused and still brought it here. Why?
Because apart from everything you wrote here there are some good sides to them which you have refused to pen down so our opinion of them would be stuck in the negative.
I noticed when most people write Chronicles they write them in a way that would sway readers to comment in a way that supports them.
I am certain they have good sides too that probably outweigh the discomfort you feel when you associate with them else what are you still doing there?
If their good side is not good enough for you to overlook their flaws, lifestyles, beliefs or whatever you choose to call it then leave.
But I have a feeling you would go ahead with the wedding and then suffocate Stella's chronicles box with pity stories like you were forced to go ahead with it.
Then readers will insult your husband for being a weakling and not standing up for you(meanwhile he made it clear from the get-go)
Then when they run out of breath they would move onto his MIL and help you drag her edges (meanwhile you knew how she was before marriage and God even showed you an example of how yours would be when you met his brother, 's wife) you will now act like a Saint and pretend to be blindsided while you come here every week to drop updates on the latest MIL and DIL palava you are facing till we get tired of advising you and tell you to let us be because we have our personal issues we need to attend to.
🚶♂️🚶♂️🚶♂️
Well said. They appear generous. Maybe just over jaiye jaiye, very traditional and over extroverted for Poster.
DeleteDO NOT MARRY THIS GUY PLEASE
ReplyDeleteYes I am screaming!
Don’t read too much into him saying he will choose his parents
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like middle of anger statement
Or she directly or indirectly pushed him into that position because i know someone can’t just wake up and start choosing parent or fiancée.
DeleteEven me, i laugh at any man who would make me choose between him or my parents. Hahaha…
With all this please why are you still there ? Eh ? Ei ! Is it a do or die affair ? Looks like you don’t love yourself enough
ReplyDeleteMy dear you don't gel with this family. Run o. You never find husband. A man that tells you I will choose my parents has already told you what you need to know. But you are determined that you want to write stories that touch the heart. In this day and age, they cannot call caterer, they are looking for iyawo ile to be slaving for them. Good luck o. You know what to do. Do it.
ReplyDeletePoster a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. From all you narrated up there, please kindly sit and think over what you are about to enter into.
ReplyDelete"One day, I told my fiancé that I can't do this. I will have to choose the time I attend their small small occasions. His response was "he will choose between I and his parents and his pick are his parents" and that I cannot dictate for him bla bla bla."
ReplyDeletePoster if your husband to be actually said this to you then you shouldn't marry him cuz he's supposed to choose you over them or atleast place you side by side with them not downgrade you.
He gave you a cloth that was sown for his ex & even informed you that it was actually for the ex........ excuse me! does he even love you abi na you pursue am, does he value you at all like what are you worth to him.
My advice would be that you shouldn't go on with the marriage cuz I feel you're not loved or valued. New wife abi wife to be way them suppose to the pamper na him you dey run errands like house help🙄
Anyways if you want to go on with the marriage cuz of reasons best known to you then start now to state what you can't do or what you can do.
Eg: to a statement like this 'eh Nkechi after cooking, ensure you wash everything oh', your reply should be no I can't because I'm tired or someone else should please attend to the plates cuz I'm already tired.
Begin on time to Fight for yourself & declare your stand, Yes it will cause fight, quarrel, insult & everything but it's better they get introduced to the real you on time, know what you can do & what you can't especially since your husband man won't defend you or speak for you.
Enjoy your situationship & send us more chronicles 🥂
@ Rejoice Fabian what do you mean by send us more chronicles 🥂
DeleteYes now, If she continues with this Marriage there would be more chronicles of the new bizarre things she would have to go through in their hands.
DeleteNa it's well she go dey collect from us sha 🥱
All these parents that keep their children close to their house, I don't fancy that. They will always be in your business. I see no fault with poster o...his ex may have been frustrated too. Then lack of boundaries...is a no no.
ReplyDeleteSome blog visitors called you wicked cos of the way you presented it.
ReplyDeleteDid you give details like you did now?
This is how you write a chronicle.
Give details so we don’t misjudge you.
I wouldn’t go ahead with that marriage if I were you.
How can you give me a dress that was sewn for your ex?
Sluttychic.
Okrika relationship
DeleteBrand new wahala
So sorry to say, This is a dead on arrival ....
ReplyDeleteMarriage you haven't entered and you are writing chronicles already.
Hmmmm, use your tongue to count your teeth.
Run !!!