HUBBY OR YOYO
Dear Stella,
I hope you are doing great.
I will be rushing up this story so please pardon all my blunders. I have been married for 4 years plus, My husband has cheated, lied and kept malice with me every other week , longest malice being 4months. He changed like last year or maybe not
A typical example is he nags, shouts, and screams about little house chores oversight(like maybe forgetting cotton bud in my pocket) ignoring all my other efforts , i don't have a nanny , i work 2 whole jobs, one is hybrid and the other is full time , I juggle two jobs because I am the provider through the grace of God, i also do all the runs and house chores in the whole house , no help from anyone. He did work for the first 3 years of our lives , now he started....
August 2021, I met a guy right opposite our home while coming from the market, first time giving my number out to a total stranger as I'm pretty much uptight and actually disciplined but i had just gotten one of my Jibs then and since he works as a manager in a reputable company , i figured i was networking.
Guys!!
like i mentioned my husband never calls me randomly to ever ever ever check on me at work or anywhere ,once i am home , he leaves the house 7 to 8pm and returns around 4am to 7am and sometimes 9am.
This new guy let me call him yoyo, calls me around 9pm till 2am at times , we are just talking random stuff , soon we started hanging out , i opened up i have 2 kids , he stayed away from me for like 1 week and returned asking me if i would be his legal wife for documentation purposes so we travelled out with the kids. Asked me out and gosh the love was out of this world , there was no s#x involved and i had stopped s#x with hubby since 2021.
Dear Stella,
I hope you are doing great.
I will be rushing up this story so please pardon all my blunders. I have been married for 4 years plus, My husband has cheated, lied and kept malice with me every other week , longest malice being 4months. He changed like last year or maybe not
A typical example is he nags, shouts, and screams about little house chores oversight(like maybe forgetting cotton bud in my pocket) ignoring all my other efforts , i don't have a nanny , i work 2 whole jobs, one is hybrid and the other is full time , I juggle two jobs because I am the provider through the grace of God, i also do all the runs and house chores in the whole house , no help from anyone. He did work for the first 3 years of our lives , now he started....
August 2021, I met a guy right opposite our home while coming from the market, first time giving my number out to a total stranger as I'm pretty much uptight and actually disciplined but i had just gotten one of my Jibs then and since he works as a manager in a reputable company , i figured i was networking.
Guys!!
like i mentioned my husband never calls me randomly to ever ever ever check on me at work or anywhere ,once i am home , he leaves the house 7 to 8pm and returns around 4am to 7am and sometimes 9am.
This new guy let me call him yoyo, calls me around 9pm till 2am at times , we are just talking random stuff , soon we started hanging out , i opened up i have 2 kids , he stayed away from me for like 1 week and returned asking me if i would be his legal wife for documentation purposes so we travelled out with the kids. Asked me out and gosh the love was out of this world , there was no s#x involved and i had stopped s#x with hubby since 2021.
One thing led to another one day and he hit me terribly. I mentally signed off from the marriage and was saving money to leave . I was always walking on egg shells anyways and i was so incomplete with him. i cried every time cos hubby is so good with girls and people out there . i had prayed fasted nothing worked.
One night i went out with yoyo and we kissed so deeply, when I got home I couldn't forgive myself , i confessed to my mum and she asked that i stopped seeing yoyo before i mistakenly have s#x with him, break up properly with my husband since the marriage wasn't working and take time for only me.
One night i went out with yoyo and we kissed so deeply, when I got home I couldn't forgive myself , i confessed to my mum and she asked that i stopped seeing yoyo before i mistakenly have s#x with him, break up properly with my husband since the marriage wasn't working and take time for only me.
I broke up the situationship with yoyo , yoyo really got hurt , that week hubby apologized for everything he has done to me and started helping me little things in the house, appreciated all my support and we moved on , sadly i couldn't forget yoyo, all thoughts every time was yoyo , gosh the day hubby tried making love to me all i could think of was yoyo.
Hubby is a great father to the kids so i struggled to focus on our marriage , i had blocked yoyo and was moving on .... in less than 2 months hubby had returned all his silent treatments , late nights, shouting , nagging.
One time i got very sick and i was on admission for acute food poisoning from what i ate at work , i couldn't move around so I requested he spent more time with me or call my neighbor's wife , he abandoned i and my neighbors wife in the hospital for 3 whole days till after my discharge. my neighbor was the one explaining things to my dad when he came to get me. I cried and cried and i was totally depressed. I also started shouting back at any slight provocation after the hospital saga.
Yoyo eventually traveled out and we reconnected recently, it feels like he is my soulmate, the attraction is weird. he is not even my type physically, he is just so kind, so loving , so thoughtful , so professional ...like we call each other up to discuss management issues in our different fields he is just always there. he is on the phone with me 3 hours and we are not even talking love, Now that he is away, one night I opened up all my pains and challenges to him, he said he knew and he respected the fact that i kept myself and didn't allow him access my body.
One time i got very sick and i was on admission for acute food poisoning from what i ate at work , i couldn't move around so I requested he spent more time with me or call my neighbor's wife , he abandoned i and my neighbors wife in the hospital for 3 whole days till after my discharge. my neighbor was the one explaining things to my dad when he came to get me. I cried and cried and i was totally depressed. I also started shouting back at any slight provocation after the hospital saga.
Yoyo eventually traveled out and we reconnected recently, it feels like he is my soulmate, the attraction is weird. he is not even my type physically, he is just so kind, so loving , so thoughtful , so professional ...like we call each other up to discuss management issues in our different fields he is just always there. he is on the phone with me 3 hours and we are not even talking love, Now that he is away, one night I opened up all my pains and challenges to him, he said he knew and he respected the fact that i kept myself and didn't allow him access my body.
Now he is saying I should come and join him ( always including my 2 kids).
My issue is I had a dream last night and when my mum interpreted it, she says yoyo will be a very loving husband but may have a short lifespan if he isn't careful. Hubby, on the other hand, this again is another episode of malice in the house, this episode has been ongoing for like 2 months now. The kids love him too much, there was a time i took a break and i took one of the twins and left the other with him .... they both couldn't do without us.
I am extremely confused. oh i am older than yoyo with 2years.
My issue is I had a dream last night and when my mum interpreted it, she says yoyo will be a very loving husband but may have a short lifespan if he isn't careful. Hubby, on the other hand, this again is another episode of malice in the house, this episode has been ongoing for like 2 months now. The kids love him too much, there was a time i took a break and i took one of the twins and left the other with him .... they both couldn't do without us.
I am extremely confused. oh i am older than yoyo with 2years.
*Like your mum said, if the Marriage is not working out, end it before you go to Yoyo....At least you are honest with this whole thing and did not compromise anything s#xual with Mr Yoyo.
I wish you the best and let us know how it turns out...
Wait wait wait.... Why do men think keeping malice in Marriage is cool? i am sure you are not perfect (no one is) but two months no talking? comeon!
Stay there and be saying should I go for hubby or yoyo meanwhile If your husband was in your shoes he would have gone for shoyoyo since
ReplyDelete🚶♂️🚶♂️🚶♂️
15:09 😂😂😂@shoyoyo.
Delete😃😃😃😃
Delete🤣🤣🤣
DeleteLooooooool. Women please let’s love ourselves enough to put us first and go for the best cos men will always do the same.
DeleteImagine. To think she is the main breadwinner while doing all the other house chores plus a useless horseband. Tufiakwa
DeletePlease end it, what is this
DeleteYou are the provider, you are the one suffering
What bearing “mrs” will do to Nigerian women enh… so you rather spend your life in a miserable marriage because his life span is longer rather than enjoy true love that some are not lucky to experience in this life?
Whatever you do, kindly end your marriage first before you be with another man. Give your husband that much but he seriously doesn’t deserve you.
Push up (original)
😂😂😂
DeleteInukwa!!!🤣
Deletee No go be only SHOYOYO 🤣😂
Ezigbo ndi ara 🙌
End it with ur husband and you can have a clearer mind on whether u want to be with yoyo or not.
ReplyDeleteExactly. take the decision to end the Marriage for yourself not for Yoyo's sake. You deserve better. Set a standard for yourself and if yoyo ticks the box afterwards do you and be happy.
DeleteExactly, poster end your marriage first.
DeleteAnd about your kids, don't worry, they will survive it, we wey our papa die since still dey kampe. Just ensure he has access to his kids whenever he wants, don't hoard them from him.
Do all that before thinking of yoyo or yaya, don't put yourself in a messy situationship.
All I know is, that your marriage will eventually fall, you're not compatible, you're both not happy internally in that marriage. May God lead your steps
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
Madam, this your write up is enough to give person headache.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, i am sure you once thought your husband was as sweet as sugar cane before he showed you his true colours.
Marry your Yoyo sugarcane honey and be prepared for the shock of your life.
True but yoyo is better off than her husband, at least he is working, on like the lazy jobless husband.
DeleteMadam, does yoyo have kids?, How 100% sure are you that he will take your kids as his?, In what ever decision you make, let your kids be paramount
I think she saw the signs and chose to continue as most women do. Her eyes are open and Yo-yo may be her soulmate so o say leave a marriage that is not worth it and move on afterall your current husband offers you nothing and if he was in your current position he would have left you. Love is supposed to be mutual, unconditional and never draining. Run
DeleteMalice for 4 months? That’s draining 😞😞
ReplyDeleteSluttychic.
I dey tell you
DeleteSo you got married to yoyo on paper? You have two husbands?
ReplyDeleteShe did not get married to him
DeleteHe only requested but she didn't
DeleteHmmm.. My gender ooo. You were managing your husband until Yoyo came along and opened your eyes. You see what we’re talking about. All of a sudden you’re the good person, your husband is evil. Well, judging based on what u described ;
ReplyDelete1)Please divorce your husband whether Yoyo is in the picture or not.
2.) if you end up remarrying, make sure your ex husband is in his kids lives oo. Nobody forced you to marry and procreate with him.
3.) divorce your husband.
My gender o
DeleteSeeing roses where there are thorns
She told us husband was bad before yo-yo but you ignore that part
She is leaving the marriage not for herself or the kids but for another man, I'm sure if she didn't met yoyo she won't be thinking of leaving her husband.
DeleteA leopard does not change his spot. Your husband changed for a few days or should I say he pretended for a few days to be a loving husband because he noticed you were distant the moment he had you reined in, he went back to his default setting.
ReplyDeleteI am not the one that believes people should endure a bad marriage if they have tried and nothing is working. I don't also believe only one person should pull the weight in marriage. If a man does not want a marriage to last I don't know why you as a woman should be the one to help him make it last.
I wonder why people stay with a bad partner. I just wonder. When it is not that your umbilical cord is tied to that person or you came to the world together with your legs tied together?
You both used more than 2 years of your marital life to keep malice out of the four years you were together. What misery! How did you even cope with such a peevish human being? Some of these babish men are not ready to be husbands or family men but some women will be enforcing it on them.
Her partner is narcissistic, he reined her in and then continued the abuse when she got comfy.
DeleteSociety makes people stay in bad marriages. The fear of what people will say or what they will do will keep people in bad marriages.
15:22 GBAM!!!
DeleteThey want the perks of marriage but are mentally incapable of handling the responsibilities and challenges of marriages.
Entering marriage as if dem dey do pesin a favour.
Will you fcuk outta here with that rubbish behaviour, tiny toddler in adult body.
Who are you keeping malice with? Your malice will drive you mad.
I personally dont have time to be babying any man.
Either come correct or get lost.
Your Marriage that is dead already and you are still confused. A man keeping malice for months ????
ReplyDeleteSome Nigeria women are trying.
Divorce decisions should never be taken because you’re cheating with someone else. Yes , you are cheating in case you don’t know.
ReplyDeleteDid you remember to divorce because your husband is a terrible person of because you’re cheating and want to continue ?. Think abourrit
Man is bad, but she is still using him as a cover of being married and then started cheating on top. So at least, the man is providing some service for her.
DeleteCan't you divorce your husband
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm!!!🤔🤔🤔
ReplyDeleteWhatever decision you take make sure you're happy. The kids will grow up and leave, what then becomes of you?
ReplyDeletePoster divorce that evil man asap and move on to better yoyo
ReplyDeleteAre you sure your husband is not gay, keeping malice is such a feminine thing but for 3 months is demonic.
ReplyDeletePoster, pls if you aren't happy with your hubby anymore. pls quit the marriage before moving to Mr Yoyo. you deserve to be happy. Goodluck dear
ReplyDeleteMadam you really think this yoyo is a perfect man. But I will tell you that no man is perfect, be ready to receive the shock of your life. It's always this sweet at the beginning. Divorce your husband if you must but don't travel out with his kids, he should have access to his kids at all time. You really painted your person as a perfect human.
ReplyDeleteSo because no man is perfect she should keep managing rubbish? This is why people stay in unhappy marriages, my dear don’t listen to this garbage.
DeleteHer hubby isn’t any price
There are better men out there, even if it’s not yo-yo you eventually end up with, don’t have a wrapped mindset.
Yo-yo opened your eyes properly? Seeing he's younger than you, keep an open mind.... He may just be showing you all the care you lack at home, untill he knacks you and leaves you asking for more, then you discover he has a younger gf... Or you think yoyo is very single? You may leave your marriage, but don't jump blindly onto yoyo's arms, he may just be yoyo bitters in disguise. I won't be skeptical if he was older than you.
ReplyDeleteExactly BB, the devil no longer shows up in black capes and horns, he shows up in everything we’v ever wanted.
DeleteMy issue is how was your husband's behavior before he lost his job..
ReplyDeleteMen handle not being able to provide for their family differently.
Also some women cannot handle taking care of their partners for long so they start complaining about everything. The man starts giving silent treatment coz he is ashamed of how he is being treated and cannot do anything else than to keep quiet.
You are saying everything is your husband's fault.
Well madam divorce your husband first and take time to think before moving in with yoyo oooo.
Na outside you dey so no think say you know the guy
The part I don't understand is why a man will be keeping malice with his wife, let alone for a whole four months. O di kwa somehow oo.
ReplyDeleteA wicked man o
DeleteThe thing is, you love yoyo a lot but the attention and care your hubby gives to your kids, you can't afford to loose it.
ReplyDeleteMy dear you can divorce your hubby, if you aren't compatible. Then see if yoyo will continue with you before involving your kids.
This thing called marriage, two months of malice, how are you guys coping? Wow!
ReplyDeletePoster this your write up is somehow.... I found it confusing. You've been married to your hubby for 4 years plus and for 3 years he was working...? He changed in the last year to be nagging, shouting etc and not showing interest...? Are you sure, it is not because he is not working that has caused issues in your marriage? It may be that I havent understood.... and I'm not justifying his bad treatment of you, but I wonder if your hubby changing is related to how hard things are for him.
ReplyDeleteI pray God gives you wisdom about what to do, but be cautious because the grass is not always greener on the other side.
Poster, in as much as your husband is lazy, malicious and evil to you, you should first of all, divorce him before moving on to someone else. The Super Yoyo abi Yogo might not be all he seems at the moment cos he may be acting all sweet and angelic until he has sex with you, then maybe if you end up with him, you'll see his other side too.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you have some very important decisions to make and your kids with you should be at the center of those decisions.
P.S This your post give me headache too much as I 'try read and understand' am. Abeg, try improve.
Don't you want to be happy go to yo-yo please, you can pray to God to help yo-yo live long, everything is in God's hands take your two kids and go away
ReplyDeleteLeave him and walk away.
ReplyDeleteBeg your mother to stay with your kids so your ex can come and be visiting them. Give YOYO a chance to get to know him before bringing your kids over. Love happens in places you don't expect.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
All that are yoyo now may not be yoyo later after kepus kepus think twice why not divorce your husband keep free mind without yoyo and see how things goes for your sake and the sake of your children
ReplyDeleteDivorce and save your health and spirit. Your daughters know the marriage is crap. No matter how great he is with them they are learning from your marriage what a marriage is supposed to be like. If you do not leave they will believe marriage is supposed to be cantakerous and painful. You are damaging them more by staying in an already broken and lopsided marriage. Please think of your own life as a training in their eyes of womanhood, what they are seeing now is not empowering or inspiring. They will respect you more in your later years for leaving, because your leaving is a show of inner strenght and self-respect.
ReplyDeleteDo whatever you want with Yoyo but do not thrust your daughters into a life with him too soon. Let them adjust to the new life of just you and them alone. Take your time with him too, do not rush. You are healing, you are in pain. You need time alone to go through that process. God be with you and your children in guidance and protection.
A man that hasn't slept with you will always show you the best version of himself. A man who has slept with you, especially when you are at your lowest, and still is in love with you, girl, that's the man you should keep.
ReplyDeleteMy advice, sleep with him now and give him the opportunity to "chop and clean mouth" and run away. If he runs, well, at least you enjoyed the sex and sex with him will no longer be a fantasy. If he sticks to you even more, girl, filling that divorce may be worth it.
This advice is if your only backbone to leave your marriage is because of Mr. Yoyo. Otherwise, I would say, grow your own balls and walk away from abuse with your dignity intact or better still, if you are one of those women built to stick on through thick and thin (we all don't have the same capacity for endurance), your children will thank you for it. My life would have been a total mess if my mother left and today, she is glad she didn't.
The choice is yours madam.
My thoughts exactly!
DeleteMissed you on here, Mrs Saphire
Welcome back🤝
Omg Sapphire been looking for you ..so so glad
DeleteDarling, if you want to end your marriage, do so. However, do not end your marriage because of another man, especially one saturating your mind with affectionate gestures and honey coated words, you can never be objective. Of course, Mr Yoyo will seem like your soulmate. Why wouldn't he, he appears to be everything positive your hubby isn't. Your hubby's emotional truancy will make the "average Joe" seem like the obvious choice. Mr. Yoyo is putting his best foot forward as most men wooing a lady would. You haven't seen the other side of him yet.
ReplyDeleteYou paint your hubby as a monster, sweetheart, I'm not saying he isn't. He may even be worst. What worries me is, his vices haven't motivated you to leave. What seems to inspire your decision to leave, is the "new kid on the block", therein lies my apprehension. A woman should leave her marriage because her life, limb or sanity is threatened. She shouldn't leave because of some guy out there whispering sweet nothings to her.
Riddle me this, what happens if you end your marriage and move on with your 2 angels to start a new life with Mr. Yoyo, only to discover Mr. Yoyo isn't the Mr. Nice guy you envisioned? Darling, are you considering the effects this instability will have on your angels? This isn't only about you, you know. End this marriage if you're so inclined but give yourself ample time to heal from the emotional and psychological trauma. You have to heal properly before you let a new man in. You can NEVER be objective now. Every new relationship comes with its unique euphoric phase. You have blinders on, you aren't seeing clearly. Your liaison with Mr. Yoyo will seem amplified because you are married and he is your little secret. You may be surprised at how fast Mr. Yoyo will seem ordinary to you the minute you start dating him and there's nothing more to hide.
I can't testify to the efficacy of the interpretation of your dream but I know you shouldn't end your marriage because you feel you've found love. End it, heal and then accept love when it comes. I wish you the best in your endeavours and I pray God guides you to make the right decision.
e-hugs and kisses.
Madam poster, make your marriage work if you can. If not end things with him and travel out on your own. This yoyo might disappoint you tomorrow. I had a similar experience. I was married to an abusive and short tempered army officer. He beat me to the extent he drew my hair and.most of the hair fall off. Yet to regrow after 6years. I had someone whom I was reporting my ordeal as a friend. Out of pity, he promised me heaven on earth. Promised to marry me and take me abroad. I left my marriage (no regrets). Few monthsa I left my marriage, this mad stopped picking my calls. All efforts to make him explain what I did wrong proved abortive. Humans are not what they say. Leave because you want to leave, not because yoyo is a perfect human.
ReplyDeletePoster to me this marriage is dead a long ago, no need forcing a man to love or take care of you. Stop using your children to stay in an abusive marriage especially when you are not even happy.
ReplyDeleteYou can separate from your husband for now while you see how you both can work on yourselves. If after the separation and nothing changes please walk away from this toxic marriage.
3 Things:-
ReplyDelete1. You told Yoyo that you have 2 kids, did you tell him you are "still" married? (No "responsible" man calls another man's wife from 9pm to 2am, just to banter).
2. If you have been married 4yrs plus, your husband worked the first 3yrs, and you met this guy in 2021, it means you met him 2yrs into your marriage while your husband was still working before he lost his job. Are you sure it's not Yoyo that's influencing your decision?
3. You can divorce your husband but Yoyo might not be all that... Like someone said, most men are patient and sweet until they sleep with you. Be sure you're leaving the marriage cos of your wellbeing and not Yoyo.
All the best👍🏼
Just be careful young lady, most things that looks like gold ends up not been gold. Why is Mr Yoyo interested in a legally married woman with two kids? He has no integrity. Do you really know him that well?. Well you don't have to portray your husband as a monster just because you want to
ReplyDeletePort to another. Please divorce your husband and let him have access to his children.
I can't even stay in a loveless and toxic marriage, if i were you, i would've gone to yoyo since or remain single.
ReplyDeleteAnd if it also crash, God forbids, we move,at least i enjoyed my life small.