Hmmm....
DATING WITH FEAR OVER AGE DIFFERENCE
I don't know if age is only a number. I am dating a guy that is 41 and I am 24. When we first started he was sweet and all but these days with everything happening it just gets me confused. We will be having issue and it will be something that is so insignificant he has started talking down on me calling me moron animal and other hurtful words.
I will still be the one to go apologise even though I was the one that was insulted like someone without dignity.
Talks of marriage is in the corner but these days I don't feel excited about it anymore. Even when speaking with him I always have panic attacks I am always careful about what to say so he wouldn't get angry and shout at me.
I am always trying to form matured to meet up with whatever he is saying or demanding me to do.
He wasn't like this before, he was sweet and kind with me always so crazy about me. But these days everything changed as if he can't stand me. Like he is irritated with the sight of me.
The way he talks to me anyhow and I can't stand up to challenge his insults I am scared I don't want him to be mad at me.
Please DO NOT marry him, it will get worse...
Please DO NOT marry him, it will get worse...
Thank God first for allowing your eyes to open before you guys got married.He looks like he will be a very controlling,possessive and manipulative man which are all bad signs.Pls flee thee from this son of jezebel
ReplyDeleteEven if he was 26; 2 years older than you, with what you described, I'd say do not marry him. By the way, people don't change in these circumstances, their true colour is just unveiling...
DeleteBe rest assured he will not change. It will get you being disregarded, your opinion, thoughts, feelings, inputs, contributions and as a person till he normalizes it.
DeleteRun for your life Baby, he won't change
DeleteRun!
DeleteDon't marry him
DeleteRun as fast as your legs can take you. This is one of the red flags people overlook during courtship and it will generate into bigger and messy DV in marriage. Why would you think of settling down with a man that's verbally abusing you?
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
You have all the ample time to walk out of that toxic relationship now. This is who he is.
ReplyDeleteNow you know his true nature. Are you going to show yourself some love by protecting your life or you are going to pressure yourself to into becoming a Miserable Mrs?
DeleteConfide in someone older who will speak up for you and break of the relationship. Move on with your life. Negotiate the kind of marriage you want and enforce it. DV should not be in it.
You want to open your 2 korokoro eyes and marry an "alanganna" at your young age? What are you still waiting for? RUN, my dear, I say RUN 🏃♀️
DeletePlease,poster walk away before it results into physical abuse.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry Poster, but like Stella said, it'll only get worse. The unfortunate part is that you'll find it hard to get out of this relationship at this moment because once he senses you are trying to get out, he'll become nice again and manipulate you into marrying him. I'd suggest to speak to someone you trust to help you get out now. Tomorrow may be too late.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you o poster please don't be carried away because once he senses you want to japa he will try to make you happy. Run run and run o.
DeleteWetin 24 years old dey find inside marriage with agbalagba! I am going to be 47 this year , I still Dey select, then at 24; you are writing this rubbish chronicle, for us to do what, to tell how to stand up to him abi? I am more concerned that rapture will soon happen, than anything right now my dear!!! Shalom
DeleteYou are heading to prison. I’m not really bothered about the age difference but from what you said, you are not yourself with him. You can’t walk on egg shells the rest of your life.
ReplyDeleteIt’s unfortunate this one is not cool.
Where there is love, age should not be an issue. You flow well like you are mates....him going down to your level and you doing same thing.
This attitude will progress with time, where he’ll ask you to kneel if you make a mistake. Don’t go ahead with the marriage plans no matter how much he begs you...it’s all lip service.
Sluttychic.
Sister don't marry him! What is a 24 year old doing with a 41 year old man?my dear he's looking for whom to turn into mumu and ride on her... how can your man be calling you names? Is totally wrong. RUN for your life and never look back!
ReplyDeleteThis guy don chop you sootee there is no single value in you that he is attracted to.
DeleteThere is nothing for him to look forward to anymore.
Should he marry, you'll graduate from fiancé to punching bag.
I don't know what she is doing with him.. someone u are scared of😳
DeletePoster, all the red flags are glaring at you.
ReplyDeleteDo you really want to live in this kind of situation for the rest of your life.
They say na from clap them dey enter dance.
Your self esteem is at stake already. You're already doubting your self worth. He's supposed to be your best friend, someone you should be free with and not fearful of.
What would you advise your daughter if she comes to you with such a fearful report?
A broken engagement they say, is better than a broken marriage.
Poster, abort that marriage mission and run! Don't look back!
ReplyDeleteAnother babe is in the picture. 41 to 24: you were his f**k toy.
ReplyDeleteWonders shall never end! Are you a new bv here???????????????
ReplyDeletePlease like stella said it will surely get worse. Don't be in a haste to get married.
ReplyDeleteBoo
ReplyDeleteRun
It's never gonna change
Something I always say is never stick to a relationship.... Whether romantic or not with the hopes of the other party changing whatever toxic behaviour they exhibit towards you.
If you can't deal with it now, you'll never be able to.
Here's what you'll do.bend down, pick up your foot wear,dust it very well,tuck them under your armpit then run and don't look back.
ReplyDeletePOSTER take this advice. RUN OH! With this type of man there is no need wasting time to pick your slippers. You should pick race - the type that your slippers will scatter in different directions. DO NOT DERAIL YOUR LIFE by marrying this person. A word is enough for the wise oh
DeleteStop the sex ,go and rededicate your life to Christ ,put the wedding plan on hold and if he doesn't change, then he isn't the one for you
ReplyDeletePoster do you want to be sad for the rest of your life?a man who hasn't married you yet,but quick to throw insults@you over slight provocation,is a no no for me.
ReplyDeletePls do not rush into marriage with him.take some time to pray while asking the holy spirit for wisdom and guidance.
And you are still in this relationship? SMH... At 24 you are young, and full of life don't settle for less.
ReplyDeleteGo and do research on a toxic trait called love bombing cos that's what he's doing to you. The minute you decide to leave the relationship, that's when he'll pretend to change for the better and beg you not to leave him cos blah blah blah. When you agree, it's back to how abusive he was.
ReplyDeleteBreak the toxic circle and move on.
He dey do his own nao, if u eventually marry him, wen d marriage don dey go like ten years or thereabout den he will be older and u b like 30+ , u will start showing him ur own shege and people will now see u as unrighteous woman, as dem.kno see how he dey treat u wen u r younger.
ReplyDeleteNot all dis older guys know how to treat women
Pls think twice and dnt become a slave in ur own home
It has nothing to do with the age difference. It's just who he is. Decide what you want to do.
ReplyDeleteAge execerbates the character flaws of the man and woman. There are some matters very difficult to explain to some people of younger age. We see it between parents and children. We see it between young employees and older employees or employers. It happens between most husbands much older than their wives. Only very few men manage it.
DeleteSometimes, it is so difficult explaining simple matters to younger persons. With time, anger and resentment builds.
The older husband is looking at retirement and wants to save, the younger wife is looking at income and wants to flex. With time, money issues will bring out the worse in either or both partner.
If it's not money, I don't know what's pushing girls to marry anyone that just appears as a man.
ReplyDeleteMy aunt married a man like this with a long age difference, she's enjoying but anytime the problem shows up, it wipes away the enjoyment of a year in just a day.
Some of these older men will always treat you anyhow because they know your coming together is not based on love it is either for money and any other material they have or you just want the societal benefit of being married.
Felicity
This is called abuse not age difference . The original version of him is here.
ReplyDeleteDon’t try to act mature, simply leave him.
Don’t try to tell him to change or tell him you will leave if he doesn’t change.
Simply, send him a good long text about the abuse and how you HAVE ENDED the relationship.
Don’t meet with him to explain anything or hear anything.
Exactly.
DeleteTHIS is abuse and it has nothing to do with age.
I am married to a spouse who is 15 years older than me.
It's been ten years of bliss.
He protects and guide me.
He respects me.
He has NEVER insulted me in words or indeed.
My opinion and plead is for you to please abort mission.
Imagine he insulting you and then you doing the begging unto wetin naaa?
Please, just carry your kaya and waka pass.
Don't even agree to meet up with him, break with via SMS or call, or better still, ghost him.
I detest irresponsible beings!
Peace.
It is possible you've built a part of your world around this person, maybe he even takes care of some material things for you. Don't worry, you're young, vibrant and have your whole life ahead of you. God will sort you out. Don't try discussing anything with this one, he will twist it on you. Ghost him! Withdraw for your own sanity and wellbeing. Run!!! Marriage to such a person? We reject it for you o.
ReplyDeleteLady, go find another man or put yourself out to be found by another man in your age grade and having your worldview and values.
ReplyDeleteAge difference is not a matter of numbers in marriage. It all-round matters.
24, you are at the threshold of full self discovery.
41, if I were there today, I will be planning, working and saving maximally for my retirement.
Dear Poster, move.
Mr. Mann
I can bet you 1 million naira that this girl WILL NOT break up with the man. She will keep hoping he will change. He is probably giving her money, that’s the only reason to be in this kind or nonsense Master-Servant relationship.
ReplyDeletePlease run and never look back,such men are narcissist.
ReplyDeleteAbeg. This year i have sworn not to comment on any chronicle common sense should handle. Poster is not looking for advice neither is she looking for validation for leaving him.
ReplyDeleteShe will still remain in that relationship toxic as it is. She is just venting but she'll go nowhere. So, I'll not bother advising anyone.
You see that guy you describe up there,is nt good as a boyfriend talkless a husband,his nt a good boyfriend for you, forget that marriage nonsense,just move abeg
ReplyDeleteAda ohafia
This isn't about age difference, it's about abuse. Please leave this man. Life is too short to be stuck with an abusive man. Even if he was the last man on the planet and you the last woman this wouldn't be it. Please run and don't look back, there is nothing here for you, nothing. Abuse does not have to be physical before you leave. Why would you waste your youth and best years on someone like this? You don't think you deserve or can get better? Please, just leave, this is only a man, nothing more, nothing less, just a man. I truly believe that if God was to show women signs and wonders and give them everything that is possible in the material they would still put a man first, even the ones who treat them like trash. Poster, this ain't life nor living, and if you think getting the title of mrs from this entity will make your life better, you have not seen the beginning of your sorrows.
ReplyDeleteI am disappointed that after all the chronicles written over the years, investigative reports, and first hand account stories, BV's still need to write in asking about what to do. These chronicles are not reading for entertainment, they are stories with life lessons intended to educate and make the reader wiser.
Poster what did you say a 24 year old girl like you ,he was suppose to be pampering you like egg ,treat you with respect, nne gbaba oso ,run without looking back biko tell him you re not doing again ,block his line you mean he call you all manner of demeaning names ,imagine what will happen to you if he marry you, o ga amawa gi nti ( he will use slap and redesign your ear ) make una dey learn in this ogbonge blog relationship is not by force ,you re already scared of him he is seeing you now as one small girl wey no get value nne gbawaa door, run and leave him .
ReplyDeleteAage difference is disturbing him ,date within your age biko at least 30sth.
They will be claiming mature but na DV tendencies full their body
My dear, only you can figure out your next step. Are you ok with the insults, have you tried talking to him about the insults. Honey you're so young and I believe no one deserves that kind of relationship.
ReplyDeleteA part of you is suffering from Stockholm while another part really want out.
Figure out what you can and cannot deal with. The ball is in your court
It will only get worse sha. Moron ke, that is not cool at all. I know you are still going to do what is in your mind sha. I wish you well
ReplyDeleteRun for your life, Ghost him and never return,Run o!!
ReplyDeleteIf you venture marry him you will come back to this chronicle and read with regrets.
This is his real character,you should be grateful to God he is showing them to you,so you won’t say you didn’t know.
If you love yourself,you love your mental
health,you love your sanity, you are willing to protect yourself and be happy in marriage just run away!
He will not change,this is who he is,he might be nice for a while once you enter fully u go hear am!
Porter with what you just told us I don't think there is need for you to ask. Please women value yourself while making marital choice mbok. With this your self esteem will be gone. Your partner suppose to be your best friend which you can be so free with.
ReplyDeleteThis is who the man is, it's not about the age difference. God forbid that w man will be calling me names and I will not be able to say anything because I don't want him to be mad at me, tufiakwa. My dear run
ReplyDeleteMy dear you are in a situationship. Use your tongue to count your teeth. Run now that you can, don’t wait.
ReplyDeleteFunny I am dating a lady 10years younger than me so she is in her 29 but she behaves like she is 14.
ReplyDeleteShe tells me I am supposed to be pampering her even when she is wrong. She claims that is how her Dad treats her so I am supposed to behave the same way.. she is very quick to anger and she insults without thinking about the consequences.
Everyone is saying dont marry him and noone is thinking it can be the other way around
Mr Man, find a woman close to your age group and your so called maturity level. If you can’t pamper your girlfriend then what’s your use ?? You want her to tear you as per you are her lord and savior
DeleteRed flag
ReplyDeletePoster I know this guy, soon he will start beating you which will never stop. Mind you that is not his real age as he is way older.
ReplyDeletePlease run o. I know he will threaten you if you do so, but ignore him and leave. Though do the break up on phone as he is violent
You're the one wearing the shoes so make your decisions
ReplyDeleteRed flags everywhere, please take a break from him and see hoe fine you will become.
ReplyDeleteYoung girl, leave that relationship now!
ReplyDeleteDo not try it !! That is what I am going thru now . This my predicament. Same age difference and I was same age as u . He was very sweet and kind telling me all I needed to hear cos he is much more wiser and experienced .
ReplyDeleteI suffered and I am still suffering .
Pls run away it will get worse .
He called you moron, then you may playful answer him, yes my Lord.. my sugar boy 😁😁😁 how come you are dating a moron..... please don't follow this advice.
ReplyDeletePoster, it's not about the age difference, he has another girl...so he wants to use this method to discard you. He knows what he's doing.
I wish l can advice you, but l am short of words, anyway l believe my blog elders have done justice to this your chronicle.
Licious babe
Poster don't marry this man o.
ReplyDeleteIt's a trap. You will ecome his slave, even worse.
Better face your job/business and you will meet a befiting man.
I'm in a similar situation with you! Pls, leave now or you get permanently hooked. I was 20 while he was 31 when we started, everyday of my life he calls me a fool, senseless, mumu, ode and any other derogatory words you can think about! He beats me with sticks, he's always right regardless of how obviously wrong he's. Pls, walk away now, cos someone like me has spent 15yrs wasting my time, just because i'm being pacified to be patient and calm. Even if i go to work and return late sometimes, he'll say my lovers have taken me out. LEAVE NOW POSTER!!!
ReplyDeleteHave you left?
Delete