One major reason marriages fail or get sour is because most men have not transited from our grandfathers’ era when the man was the lord and the wife was there solely to do the man’s wishes and make him happy by giving him s#x, children, and services like cooking, washing, and maintaining the home......
1. Any man that assumes that it is the duty of the wife to make the marriage a happy one, while his duty is to act the way he likes, kidding himself that it is a man’s world, needs to be pitied. The truth many fail to realize is that men hold more the key to a happy marriage than women. A woman may do everything to make a marriage work and may end up being killed in the process, but if a man decides that a marriage will be a happy one, there is a very high possibility that it will.
2. One major reason marriages fail or get sour is because most men have not transited from our grandfathers’ era when the man was the lord and the wife was there solely to do the man’s wishes and make him happy by giving him s#x, children, and services like cooking, washing, and maintaining the home. The man had the right to beat his wife, lock her up, send her away, have as many wives as he wished, sleep with as many mistresses as he liked, father as many children as he liked, without the wife complaining. The society gave the man a blank cheque to do as he wished so long as he provided for his wife and children. It was completely a man’s world. A wife had no opinion. She dare not talk when her master was talking or join him in a discussion with his friends or kinsmen.
3. Unfortunately, society has changed, yet many men have refused to change with it, choosing to remain in our forefather’s era. Naturally that causes friction. A wife is no longer a chattel; she is now a partner. The home is no longer “my house” but “our house.” It is now “our TV,” “our children,” “our room,” etc. The wife is no longer in marriage solely to satisfy the man’s desires; she has her own desires and dreams too. Just as the man wants to be the CEO of an organization or the president of the nation, so does the wife. It’s just that the couple need to mutually agree on how to accommodate each other’s dreams to ensure that the children don’t suffer in any form.
4. The dictionary does not define a “wife” as a “servant” or a “slave”. Fixing your fat backside on a couch, legs on the centre table, eyes glued to the TV, gulping down some drink, while Slave Wife is doing everything in the house is so old-fashioned that it is shameful. As high and mighty as you are, your hand will not change colour if you dust the dining table or cut the vegetables while she is cooking. Be a partner. Not a taskmaster! Haba!
5. When more men are able to transit from the old order to the new era, we would have more happy marriages. For this reason, men have more need of marriage counselling than women, so that they can be de-briefed about the old order and re-briefed about the new era.
6. That the wife is not complaining does not mean that she is happy. That a couple are not divorced or known for fights and quarrels does not mean that there is joy in their home. The most peaceful place on earth may be the graveyard but there is no happiness there.
7. Do unto her as you would want her to do unto you. If you will not accept her infidelity, please don’t be unfaithful; if you won’t accept her taking important decisions without involving you, please don’t take important decisions without involving her, etc.
8. Spoiling her with cars, jewellery, clothing, and overseas holidays is great, but those are not enough to make a woman happy if she is ill-treated or shown little or no respect.
9. Women like their men to be good-looking. Why not? When she accepted you, you had no 6-month pregnancy for a tummy. You had a good breath. You had a bath before going to bed. You even used cologne to impress her! You had no grey Jorge Bush in your armpits and other special places. Oga, please don’t be complacent about your looks. No need to argue that she should love you the way you are. Were you like this when she accepted you? Usually, when most men get to around 35 years or 40, the tummy begins to shoot out because of the accumulation of visceral fat, which is unhealthy, and raises one’s risk of heart disease and diabetes. Burn it. Watch what you eat and when you eat it. Keep fit. Not only to look good, but also to live long and healthy.
10. Any man that has not been accused of being his wife’s puppet has not enrolled into the University of Marriage. Any man who is praised for “not taking rubbish from his wife” is still in the nursery school of marriage.
11. The man who rates his mother higher than his wife (on the basis that they are blood-related and he cannot get another mother even though he can get another wife) is not ripe for marriage. Mother is mother, wife is wife. Love your mother, honour your mother, take care of your mother very well, but remember that she is not a member of your nuclear family: but your wife is. Your mother has her own nuclear family. Therefore, protect your wife so that she can have her own sweet nuclear family. In spite of the deep love for your mother, nature has made it that you CANNOT perform “the deepest act in life” with her, neither would you like her to see you naked and vice versa. Don’t ever compare your wife and your mother: they occupy different positions in your life.
12. Women are wired differently from men. They are more emotional. They need attention as babies need milk. They long for those sweet nothings with which you wooed them. Don’t assume they should know you love them (in your heart): mind-reading is not exciting! Say it! Show it! Always! Be that expressive dude that wowed them, not the inexpressive, tasteless and unromantic man they are saddled with these days. The more TLC you give her, the sweeter she is to you in ALL ways and the longer you live!
Feminist shallow rants as usual😂😂
ReplyDeleteEvery day one manipulative agenda and another 😂😂..
Have our women changed from our grandpa's time?
Do they approach men they like for relationship?
Do they share bills in dates?
Do they advocate for the payment of bride price to be abolished, I mean, why should I pay to marry you when we're coming together as partners?
Do the share in the financial runnings of the house?
I can go on and on but no need wasting time with these shallow dumb people this year.. we go dey meet for street make we see as dey be true true.. the theory time done pass, let's go and praticalise it✌️
*SIMP rants rather
Delete@Dante, you don't have to marry then, cos you have to pay bride price whether you like it or not. All these your rants na oju aye, na you go do pass when you marry
DeleteWomen do all these na
DeleteLet’s not lump all men or all women together
Food don land
DeleteAssociation Chairman!
Delete@Dante, ok, just for one minute put aside the bad experiences you have had with the female gender...when you get married, do you want a partnership or the man and wife, relationship? If you sincerely and genuinely love your wife, you will be involved in building your home, regardless of gender-specific roles. It is in the interest of both parties.No one should go into marriage as though it is a war-front, otherwise remain unmarried. There is nothing wrong in being involved in building your home. It is not 'her' home, it is your (both of you) home! This isnt woke, it is just common sense!
Delete@16:11
DeleteTrue words. But culture, habits, and indoctrination, which are strongly embedded in the hearts of mankind do not follow common sense.
A wife earns lesser than 10% of her husband's salary. The husband prayed that he wanted his wife to earn as much as he does or more so the wife can join in giving the family a better life with their combined incomes. There was no amen to the prayer. Is it not commonsensical for the woman to want prosperity by her hands. of course, the woman wants to prosper. She refused to say amen because she is trapped by the culture and indoctrination that a man must be the provider for the family.
Nothing but the truth. Time has changed. We're in the 21st century people.
ReplyDeleteEspecially the part that states “do unto her as you would want to be treated”
DeleteThis should even be general in life, do unto others as you desire. Anything you know you won’t like, don’t do it to someone.
The success of a marriage is more on a man than a woman. These days they even ask what you bring to the table yet still want you to suffer while you are contributing… that’s an unfair bargain.
Please dear bachelors, I am begging you, please practice partnership, my husband can boast of a happy marriage today because he is committing just as much effort.
Don’t go into any marriage thinking all women are the same, by all means find a good woman, who is your friend too, with good morals and have a happy home, discuss and pray together.
Please be intentional, don’t look at it as something only your wife gains from.
Dear ladies too, please be his helpmate and also seek men who do not enter marriage with a silly idea but who are open to learning and are just as intentional about it succeeding, men who are open to counseling.
I am taking my time to talk because one person cannot make a marriage successful.
Push up (original)
I enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing it with us.
ReplyDeleteWell written!!
ReplyDeleteBut trust "you know who" to come and counter this beautiful write up.
He is up there already.
DeleteAkiko Mike Ejeagha.
ReplyDeleteNigerian men are still living in stone age. You can see some of them here and how they string their claws whenever the issue is about women. You see how they bash women without thinking.
Anyways, writer you have written well ofoduzia Nigerian men to take the necessary action. Even the Godfather himself said that "A man who does not take care of his family can never be a real man".
The chairman of the association is up there 👆 with his epistle 🤣
DeleteWomen are the enablers of spoilt men. Men are ready to give accountability if women demand for it but imagine demanding accountability as a wife why the mistress is enabling his toxicity.
ReplyDeleteI watched one podcast.
One young woman said she is a side chic and that her married boyfriend is toxic to his wife and kids and not to her. She said she does not care. She was very aggressive. So you see, women condone toxicity when it is not shown to them.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
Forget the alibi of side chics.
DeleteThere are toxic marriages where there are no side chics.
Once the man or the woman in a marriage is selfish, that marriage will be toxic it only takes a matter of time. Selfishness here applies to all aspects of the marriage.
The worse selfishness is that wrapped in cultural practices or Biblical passages or both.
May I just add: Men, Fathers please be involved,I mean be very involved in your Children's upbringing. Be emotionally available, the world has gone mad! Be the role model for your children, regardless of gender. Children need both parents( if both are alive), to nurture them. Fathers spend time, when they are babies, spend time with them as toddlers, spend time with them in their pre teens and spend time with them as teenagers! If not strangers on social media will train your kids!
ReplyDeleteMen please be more involved in making sure your home is a happy home.
ReplyDeleteLeave it not to the woman alone
Most people always take it for garnted that the wives are always involved until their brothers or male marry a wife that does not get involved.
DeleteHappy? I have never met a happy woman in my life. She is only happy from afar. Get closer and you will hear the stories of her life.
DeleteThere's nothing you have written there they I can fault. Once two parties are very intentional about making their partners happy and comfortable, that's already a good recipe for a happy home. But we see more situations where the women are willing and ready to make the marriage whole while the men do as they want because you know, tradition (also formulated by men) has concluded that it's a man's world.
ReplyDeleteNot always true. Society silence most men from speaking up. Society treat men who speak up as wimps or poor men as per a strong man or rich man will not cry but get another wife. To avoid the shame, men keep quiet.
DeleteMost marriages that fail do so because of both parties from the beginning seeking different purposes.
In the end, most marriages are carried by one party.
ReplyDeleteThe burden is lighter where the other party reciprocate by taking some burden off the carrier. Some people reciprocate the carrier's effort by not piling on more burden but by not carrying any. Some partners are such that where the carrier stops or is tired, the marriage fails or starts to fail.
The partner who praises the other in marriage may be the carrier or the carried.
The dea.th of cultural and traditional beliefs of gender claims, duties and roles in marriage is the beginning of life in marriage.
ReplyDeleteProblem is that some women wants the man to drop his traditional claims, carry his traditional duties and carry the woman's traditional duties and roles. At the same time, the same women will not lift a finger to touch the man's traditional duties and roles.
Successful marriages are marriages where the partners make their own mutually beneficial roles while maintaining the s3xual sanctity of the marriage.
All these to-do itemised list in the main post generally do not work.
@theIsokoMan