CLINGING HUSBAND
My mum said my hubby seems not to like to be apart from me because I allow him to s#x me every time. My hubby is the type that will call like 3 times if he's away from home for 1hr, if he's at work, he will be calling ,video call etc.
I can't travel without him---
I can't travel without him---
If he's off work, he follows me wherever I go. I'm a stay at home mum, he always criticize any work I want to do that will involve going out except online business that I do ,the only good thing is he doesn't check my phone for any reason.
We are planning to relocate to UK on tier visa for me , I hope he won't give me problem because I want to be free and independent for once.
We've been married for 15 years and I never lack, I drive nice cars and wear good clothes.
*I dont see a problem with this... After 15 years he is still like this? then its a winning recipe, please if it is not too choking for you, leave him to be like this, if it gets too choking, look for a nice way to pass the message across...
No mind your mama ooooh... LOL
Better relax and enjoy your marriage.
ReplyDeleteYour mum definitely envy you. 15yrs and his this way. Girl your Marriage is Blessed. I don't understand your independent quest o! Keep enjoying your hubby biko
DeleteAbeg Abeg
DeleteToo much of everything is not good, which one is criticizing whatever will take you out of the house? 🤣
So when you get abroad and have to work he will follow you to your office?
Does he think you will run away ni 🤣
Wo, I don’t have advice o
What God has joined together let no man put asunder
Push up (original)
Some of us like this but we no find am. Pls enjoy your man o
DeleteEnjoy your marriage
DeleteSome women pray for this kinda man.
Lol 😂 @ no mind your Mama,
ReplyDeleteI had a good laugh. Madame leave your husband recipe of marriage , 15 years no be beans !
Mummy Anthony-Clever
Your husband loves you but he's extremely POSSESSIVE! In this case, there's nothing you can do about it anymore as it's been on for 15 years and you never saw it as a red flag. Since you are relocating, you can use the new environment to your advantage. Good luck
DeleteStella has hit the nail on its head! Poster abeg no mind your MAMA oooo. If after 15yrs your husband is so clinging to you,that means you are ticking the right boxes. How I wish my husband is like this! Chai! Pls continue nacking him well ooo. My husband i will be running after him just to collect one round. One round in 3 months! Chai! Don't let me think about this too much. Every mallam to his kettle!
ReplyDeleteGod will touch him one day.
DeleteHmmmnn, you have one of the best marriages I have heard of, you better be grateful and stop complaining. Would you rather be divorced so you can "be free and independent for once."
ReplyDeleteIt's easy to get independence and be free from your husband. You have 2 options: divorce him or Pray to God to kill the love between you both, let his feelings for you die so that you can live like room mates. That way you can have all the independence and freedom you need.
ReplyDeleteAbi because I don’t get what the problem is, what do you want us to tell you ma?
DeleteHonestly, cos babe no get problem at all.
DeletePoster be praying for him. Enjoy your marriage. Marriage is sweet o. I no lie o.
Wow! This is also a complaint? Father lord, I pray from the bottom of my heart this kind of husband I seek
ReplyDeleteMy dear Amen o, d kain husband I dey look for. Some have head but don't have cap, some have cap but don't have head.
DeleteWhat do women really want?
ReplyDeleteIf he starts giving u space now,u will still complain..
Exactly! Looking for trouble where there's none. Please face your family and stop discussing your husband with your mum.
DeleteIf you feel your hubby is chocking you, then talk to him about it in a gentle and polite manner, otherwise I don't see any problem. Please enjoy your marriage and don't use your quest for independence to scatter it, if he stops giving you attention, you will still complain...
Too much of everything is bad. Too much space is bad and choking someone is also bad. She obviously feels choked and that is why she's speaking about it.
DeleteSmh. If he wasn’t clingy, you’d still complain. What do some of you women really want?
ReplyDeleteSluttychic.
It is a balance that is needed here
DeleteShe’s not enjoying it that’s why she wants “to be free and independent for ONCE.
ReplyDeletethe calling might be said to be cute but refusing any job that allows outside contact sounds like too much jealousy and lack of trust on his part
Errrrmmm there is something called "excess". The reason he calls and video calls her at work is to make sure she is at HOME and not going out. If someone is following me EVERYWHERE I go I would lose my mind. Talk to him about how you feel.
ReplyDeleteDon’t mind them
DeleteI don’t know if they didn’t read all she said
I leave my Hus at home and we talk for the 1 hr drive to my office. We both enjoy it. Poster has been enjoying it , don’t put evil thoughts in her mind. Poster, don’t listen to world people oo. Enjoy ya marriage.
DeleteThank you o
DeleteBecause I don’t know what other people are saying.
They are all praying for it because they don’t even have it on the average.
Push up (original)
16:22 she didn’t say she enjoys it tho
DeleteYou just think she does
16:22, if she's been enjoying it, she will not be seeking her independence in the UK. She probably put up with it because she's in Nigeria where people will say things like what I've been reading on this post.
DeleteEvery woman's dream, God when? 😢
ReplyDeleteNot mine
DeleteNot mine pls
DeleteToo much of everything is bad. I personally will feel choked with that kind of attention. I won't really call it love. More like an obsessive behaviour. @poster, I hope your move to the UK will tone him down. I understand your need for a breather.
ReplyDeleteWhy wait till they move to the UK. Here's one read men say women change when they get to Europe, UK and the USA.
DeleteIf the man does not adjust or insist on the usual, the relocation may just be the death of the marriage.
*here is one of the reasons (18:46)
DeletePoster if you don't give your husband sex who will you or who should enjoy it with you. If your husband doesn't follow you around should he follow his side chick? My gender we have problem now I understand better.
ReplyDeleteYour husband has been like this for 15 years and you are complaining, allow your mother to put some dirty tot in your head. If your husband is not requesting for s*x from you now you and your mother will visit all the prayers house asking for hot hot prayers. Allow the man be especially he is not checking your phone, he buys you everything you need and still provide for you.
Concentrate on loving that man the more abi are you planning to cheat on your husband when you travel out?
Apart from the sex which I don't think is an issue. There may be other legitimate issues. She would have to tell me their religion and cultural background before I speak to the other things. Cause unless it was an arranged marriage those traits would have been displayed. I guess in the height of dating 30 telephone calls a day seem cute. I don't care who you are, 3 calls in one day is enough unless it is an emergency. When dating it does sound cute when a man says he will pay all the bills and you never have to work again, until you realize he really wasn't joking.
DeleteShe knew exactly what she signed up for and she loves her husband clingy and all, possessive and all, she also loves the lifestyle he provides. She has no plans to give him up. So just sit and talk to him like a mature adult, let him know you need a bit of space. You will have to put it in some context if you have never made such a request in 15 yrs. Just be aware that you can get any outcome after the talk.
Hmmm,what some of us are looking for.This life .If my husband can be this clingy,I will serve God for the rest of my good life.I bought all this kaya things,attraction tueh tueh,adodun etc,guy no look my side still.I just bought dildo lastweek.Please enjoy this clinginess and use to your advantage .
ReplyDeleteWhy is your mom having a say in your home? The frequency of times you have sex with your husband is the business of no one! You don't respect the privacy of your home.
ReplyDeletePeople can't be satisfied. You have been married for 15 years, have a very comfortable life with a dotting husband and you are here lamenting about freedom and independence.
Na belleful dey worry you. You are ungrateful.
Be calming down
DeleteHer mom is just jokingly teasing her
17:02
DeleteWife's mother's knowledge and comments about frequency of her daughter's marital s#x is teasing?
I believe you. After all only husbands the Bible says to leave family and cling to wife, which the man is doing well here.
18:53if your mother can’t or doesn’t tease you about sex, that’s your relationship with her. Not all relationships are the same
Delete19:46
DeleteIf a wife (and most female Bvs here) hear that her FIL and her husband are teasing about the wife and husband's marital s#x what will they say?
Discuss this with a jealous friend and see them snatch him spiritually and physically. Then you will know the value of what you had
ReplyDeleteContinue you hear? Ungrateful woman
No mine am she wan pepper those wey no get husband like that this Sunday
DeleteBe grateful that you have a doting husband.
ReplyDeleteDon't engage in what will turn that independence which you are seeking to loneliness.
A word they say is enough for the wise.
Anik
First, I need to say thank you BV Bini and anonymous 15:38.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand, is it that people have been given crumbs in relationships that any show of attention that imitates love now looks like the real thing no matter how caging it makes you feel? is that why it is so hard for some to differentiate between love and obsession?
I knew immediately after I read this post that a lot of comments would drop vilifying her and trying to make her feel ungrateful for not thanking her stars she is being choked.
Everything in life needs balance and if it is not applied it creates a counter-effect and a negative reaction. Gosh!!
You may call this love but what some of you fail to understand is that, TRUE LOVE needs autonomy and space to thrive.
Love does not seek its own selfish reasons. He loves her yet he won't let her get a job because he FEARS it will let other men(yes that is the reason!!!) come unto her. He stifles her professional growth and restricts her only to online jobs.
He VIDEO calls her even at work when he is supposed to concentrate to keep tabs on her movement not because he misses her. He wants to know where she is at at every given minute.
He doesn't want her stepping out of his sight so another man has access to her so the only time he has peace is when he follows her up and down.
The reasons are so glaring yet no one wants to understand where she is coming from.
Poster your feelings are valid so don't let anyone guilt-trip you.
I don't know what you have done to make your man so insecure and fearful that he may lose you to another man. Are you out of his league physically? Or he has heard tales of some married women who cheat with ruthless abandon so he feels he has to keep an eye on you?
Anyways you need to sit him down and let him know you love him and he has nothing to fear. I believe you are an extremely beautiful woman he never envisioned he would be lucky to snag as a wife in his life so he acts over the top and does his every possible best to have you where he wants you to be.
Sit him down and talk to him. Let him know you appreciate his care and affection but you need to make friends (I wrote this because I don't think he allowed you to have friends)too and have a life outside of him. When you get abroad please go to school if you want, get that certificates, make exploits and break grounds, live life sensibly and always reassures him that he has nothing to fear.
I am in shock at the comments . This is not love and can never be love .
DeleteLove is like a flower .
My husband loves me and we talk all the time etc .
He is a jealous man and tried this early in marriage .
He is 14 yrs older and everyone told me how lucky I was that my husband will even sit with me in the salon for hrs , follow me to market , follow me everywhere .
I cldnt take it .
I had to start working so he will give me breathing space .
I ve been married 16 yrs and I ve never cheated .
But I am a sight for sore eyes .
A complete stunner . Everyone tells him I am out of his league till now but I don’t make him feel that way .
He also wants to have sex everyday .
I can imagine if I didn’t start work .
I would have been so unhappy .
You have dreams and aspirations.
Don’t grow old and feel like you have waisted your life .
Don’t mind these women insulting you ,
they don’t understand and can never understand.
Too much of everything is not good .
This is CHOKING and OBSESSION.
Poster I wish you had started from Nigeria , abroad life is a lonely one especially the UK.
Try to get some certifications and look for work that will take you out of the hse before you drive yourself into depression.
But still be the loving and attentive wife .
Assure him always with sweet words .
That’s what I do .
I use romance and sweet words to finish him whenever he starts getting jealous .
Points made.
DeleteBut let her start slacking his clings here before moving to the UK or Abroad. Let it not be recorded against her as she is planning that she got to the UK and changed as it is said generally of Nigerian women. Then the case will not be that of him being clingy.
Another method is to find extra "work" or legit distractions for the husband here and in the UK. There will be a vacuum in him and for him once she breaks free as sought. The idle hand is workshop for the ... and nature abhors vacuum. Habits are usually never stopped. They are replaced.
Thank u so much. This is obsessive and most women are never OK with it even if they can endure it. This woman will move abroad now and if this man doesn't adjust and allow her work and a little bit of freedom and she eventually leaves him, they will start calling her evil woman
DeleteA man that doesn't want his wife to work and be anywhere without tagging along is nothing but an obsessive man and this does not seem like a healthy relationship at all.
This woman feels choked and has only endured because she is in Nigeria where ppl will judge her the way she's being judged now on this post.
I hope she speaks to her husband about this and hopefully they can find a middle ground to work with
This is how you guys will use flamboyant English words and sow seeds of discord in a peaceful marriage.
DeleteMadam Poster, listen to these advice at your own peril.
I love this love, but it is too much
ReplyDeleteBest response. He is too controlling. This is NOT LOVE. She's already at her limit already. Shaking my head at the way some of my male gender behave. Let everything be in moderation. Like how does the man even cope with his own work? 🤦🤦🤦🤦. This is the definition of an overly possessive man.
ReplyDeleteLol you don’t want any advice, you just want to share your testimony. Enjoy mami!!
ReplyDeleteMadam don't listen to nah sayers it is your mother that is jealous of your relationship if not you won't see anything wrong in your husband doing but I advice you talk with him about this maybe engage him in outdoor activities that may take you out once a while away from him,,because you need to breathe ,if you have friends plan event with them or women only group that will make you stay a little from him as per sex every time is your mother interested in him or you ? Don't mind me am joking,she need not apply their time method of using not demand met no sex ok
ReplyDeleteHer mother is not jealous
DeleteShe just gave her a reason
Your story and mine are similar, we have doting husbands. Don't let world people spoil your mind and call him names. I made the mistake of listening to friends who said my husband is obsessed with me. I talked to him about his calling me always, wanting me to work from home, cozy and clingy, lovemaking is always dreamy and alluring. After I talked to him, my husband gradually withdrew, he doesn't call me frequently, doesn't engage me with incessant chats, never bothered if I go out or comeback late. He would order food for the kids and himself, keep some for me if I'm lat. He still does all his duties, but he's not all over me again. I enjoyed the freedom and space till I got bored coz my husband was totally withdrawn
ReplyDeleteTill today, it's been 22yrs now,I'm no longer top priority. We relocated too, and he made sure to get a job back in Nigeria where he now stays and visits us once a while. I miss his obsession with me, if I could turn back time, I would. Cherish what you have, if you don't, another girl will.
Y didn’t correct him with love .
DeleteManner of approach is very important .
Your husband is a baby
DeleteSo your husband is punishing you
DeleteNawa o
When a man complains about something the woman is meant to adjust in love not in punishment
Wo
Push up (original)
Anon 19:35 I feel so sorry to hear your story. I hope the poster reads your comments. Marriage is not one size fits all. Some men are introverts, homely and totally monogamous. Once they find the right woman for them, they will do anything to keep the woman. It is NOT obsession, it is love. She did not say he beats her or yells if she misses a phone call or video session. He is intimate frequently because he trusts her and would love to be with her only as opposed to men who go after side chicks once they can afford “small change”. Mine is like that. He keeps few friends, does it at home, we go shopping together and often go to work in one car though we have multiple cars just to have each other’s company for the duration of the drive. He knows I don’t like driving so he uses any opportunity to do it since he is very busy. Oddly it wasn’t like that in Naija with relatives & friends etc, it started after relocation when we realized we were the only ones we had in states where the black population can be as low as 5%.
DeletePlease don’t have any talk that will damage his ego/your relationship with him as you will need this more when you live abroad. I know all mine’s colleagues, bosses, his secretary etc. I remember once sitting on his chair in the office and a new colleague female of Naija descent came in and met me for the first time, not on the visitor chair but on his chair. Surprised at where I sat, she asked for him by his title & I told her he stepped out. She seemed uneasy as I introduced myself as his wife, the only one “outsider” who could sit on his seat! She avoided him till she quit. My point is that you have a good marriage, stop discussing it with anyone including your family & friends. I realize that in decades we haven’t been apart for more than a month at a time ever. As I get older I’m more involved with my school old students Association & always kept in touch with professional colleagues & friends but he isn’t obsessed, he seems like a one-woman, not-many-friends introverted homely guy.
I’m not in the UK but if it’s like here, you will both be so busy you will appreciate the gist time as colleagues are NOT necessarily friends in the west. That is when you will appreciate your bond more. Don’t change the good qualities he sees in you. Mine knows I will always have his back & will never cheat on him or betray him financially.
Your husband has been choking you for 15 years and u didnt complain until you want to travel to UK. Hmmmm. I am sure you married young and didnt get the chance to do all the things most young girls do.. as in you didnt get to go wild. I just pray that God clears that spirit of "outside" and "freedom" from you before it turn to spirit of "ashewo". If you are wise take my advice dear poster; NOTHING DEY OUTSIDE. Stay Blessed.
ReplyDeleteThere are good men outside
DeleteStop threatening her
Just give the advice and move on
Madam, did you at any point give your husband an inkling that you were seeing someone else, Maybe when you too were still dating? Or do you know if his mum cheated on his dad? It could be trust issues but he chose to handle it in a subtle way. I think you should thank God for your home. Don’t go looking for troubles where there is none.
ReplyDeleteMarriage is always different strokes for different folks.
ReplyDeleteThe other day, a Bv complained that her husband didn't care about her asking for and collecting Christmas money from her boss, and don't monitor her whereabouts when she hangout with friends.
Here, Poster is worried about her husband being around her physically and virtually almost all day.
So people who say Poster has a good marriage are as right as those who say Poster's husband's attention or love is choking.
Hence it is said that we should not judge our marriage by the other person's marriage.
What is good with us in our marriages makes our marriages the best even if it is different from or below the standard in other people's marriages.
Poster, start working on this matter in your home country. Waiting until you get to UK may not be the best. Unless your husband changes before then, it would appear to him that UK gave you wings or turned your head and heart from the marriage. On the other hand, UK may also give him wings. If you both fly, will your marriage sky be big enough for you both?
@theIsokoman
They are judging it based on what the person in the marriage said she feels about it
DeleteEvery marriage is different. If your marriage works then forget what your mom says, who is your husband supposed to go to for sex? If he has a high drive it will mean he will show up more often. There is nothing wrong with you having frequent sex with him as long as you can manage it and enjoy it.
ReplyDeletePlease do not go complicating your life snd looking for problems where none exist.