Hmmm...
ADVICE NEEDED
They keep on taking advantage of my kind heart to borrow money from me and when is time to return it stories will fall in. I am a female, i work, i do not have a side hustle but i try as much as possible not to spend money i do not have.
I manage myself to stock the house than buying dresses, shoes or going to see movies. My friends will prefer to buy hair of 70k or 50k when i always plait my hair.
I am not against them buying hair but you do that when you have extra money not using your feeding money to buy hair. I don't want to repeat what happened in 2022 by borrowing them money, at the end of the day i will get little or nothing from the money i borrowed out.
How do i tell people i do not have money to borrow them, some times out of pity i will borrow them my food money and i will be living like someone who doesn't have money.
How can i say no to people asking for my help. My family is also inclusive with the money matter. Please you people should slap some sense cos i need to save 500k for my operation this 2023, i don tire with friends life. Should i block them and face my life...
*If you block your friends, what about your family members? If you dont Know how to say then, then say yes but keep telling them that you are expecting some money and it has not dropped.... They will eventually get the message.. You dont sound like you even have enough for yourself to spend so i wonder why you deny yourself to give to people who dont really dont it...
Be wise!
Know when and how to say NO to what you're not comfortable with, when next they ask you for money, they don't you don't have, you don't even have to explain what you used your money for
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
People pleasing at your own expense, read on saviour complex, lacking boundaries and low self esteem
DeletePeople still dey do this yeye friendship things. I no get one friend. Nobody dey ask me for money, I no dey ask anybody for money. I be my own best friend.
ReplyDeleteI wish to be like you but I honestly can't because I love having someone (a friend) to discuss your fears worries and joy with.
DeletePoster easy, find an account to put all the extra money you have in, get an account you can't access just anyhow and send any extra cash you have into.
DeleteIf anyone asks, you just say you don't have, which is technically correct since you don't have easily accessible cash at that point.
they call people like you onye obi ebere, you need to have some tough skin on how to borrow people money. Cos they understand you have a good heart and they are taking you to be a fool. Poster just close your eyes and face front especially now that you have a target to save up some money. You can even do it this way anytime they call you for money just tell them you have an operation you are saving money for.
ReplyDeleteLet your friend go and hustle please.
Ask those same people for help let see.
ReplyDeleteIt is good to help but when you suffer yourself in the process is not good.
Saving for the operation is your priority not doing unnecessary Santa.
Godforbid anything happens to you. those people will move on asap.
So learn to say no.
Before they even ask ,start complaining that you need help.
Poster I stand with this comment , start asking them.for money too they'll flee
DeleteI had a watsap for my business, anytime I post my goods, some friends will com with their problems, as in erh it was getting really annoying,I had to get watsap for my customers and stopped posting on the WhatsApp with friends.since I stopped posting business the so called friends who always have one reason to ask for money has not sent a hi message .. I have my peace now. .... Don't block anyone tell them you don't have to give them at the moment, when you have you will send, don't give any specific time.
ReplyDeleteLet me wait and learn too. My sister pay back and Likewise same when I ask them. But you see family friends they are the problem. A pastor I loan one million for his business told me to do my worse, I knew him through my sister.
ReplyDeleteHmmm, Humans will not kill someone! Present the evidence you gave Pastor the money and report him to the Police.
Deleteyou say what about collecting your 1m? Some humans are wicked. Imagine he is a pastor and has refused to pay back, please learn from this post and stop doing santa.
DeleteHe doesn’t intend paying back that money. Never did he intend it. Get both him and your sister arrested. He must cover all expenses incurred to the last kobo before being released. Don’t listen to any Abeg. They should pay his loan then you can listen.
DeleteBe wise and save money for your operation.
ReplyDeleteLearn to say NO. You can't be working and living like a pauper. Suffer no dey tire you? How can you be working and struggling when The money you would've used to look good and healthy, you give it out and suffer from ulcer due to hunger.
ReplyDeleteOne of the things I have learnt very well is to say NO and mean it. I don't even need to block you.
ReplyDeleteI will in the most humble voice tell you presently I can't afford to lend money, so when I reply same thing many times, you will have a rethink.
People have taken my kindness for granted from hubby, siblings, friends and even church until I experienced Sapa one time, I realize it's the money I am giving that's why my phone was always busy since I changed, I am adding value to myself. If is not food I have in my house, my reply is always " presently I don't have what to give"
My dear learn to create healthy boundaries.
ReplyDeleteI used to feel guilty when someone requests for a loan from me and I had the money but I didn't have an immediate need /use for it.
But I toughened up on some people who abused it.
I have actually decided not to loan anyone money this year and I hope I stick by it.
You actually have a good reason not to lend them money at this time.
You can either say that you are financially handicapped ATM when asked or you have a pressing financial obligation to fulfill and can't be of help at this time.
Open up a MMF account in an investment house, as soon as your salary comes in, quick transfer to the account what you intend to save.
It has no WHT.
Be left with money for food, Transportation and emergency money.
And quickly make use of the money for food stuff to buy non perishables,.
Just avoid have too much spare cash.
Please let us learn that the answer "No" is a valid answer, just that some people are pests/bedbugs that will keep disturbing and once you say no once or 2c, expect attitude from them.
No need to block anybody.
You are opening up yourself for emotional and mental abuse if you can't create boundaries. Sadly, we don't many of us do not understand what boundaries are or how to create them.
Las Las na she is wicked you go hear, lock up, not emotional manipulation
Fix your money in the bank, so when you say no....you won't be lying.
ReplyDeleteExactly!!
DeleteJust tell them you have lent out everything to borrowers who have not paid back so you have nothing left to lend now cause it is all gone. Tell them those exact words everytime they come and they will stop.
ReplyDeleteMadam, you are not an atm machine, stop letting ppl treat you like one. You even saving to pay for an operation, you also need to save for aftercare. You must have extra money after an operation for prescriptions to stock your fridge and any unforseen expenses. Please don't let other ppl's irresponsibility stress you out.
Even ATM, na everyday ee dey dispense cash? Shebi sometimes u go go and ee go tell you unable to dispense cash. Check other branches.
DeleteSo true @ 17:10🤣🤣🤣
DeleteYou cannot frivolously lend or dash out what is not in your hands.
ReplyDeleteDecide on how much you can give to help now.
Then -
Go open an annual fixed target deposit account and instruct the bank to directly transfer the monthly deposit from your salary account into the fixed deposit account. Some of this type of account do not allow mid term withdrawal or allow on stiff penalty. The penalty will put sense against withdrawal in you.
Or
Open an insurance company target savings account with insurance component. Do direct debit payment as above
Or
Buy these bush land that allows monthly payments over a long period.
Once the money is not in your hands, no sob tale can make you give it out and you won't be lying or feel guilty when you say I don't have.
Me sef started a target savings plan with a bank related subsidiary company in December last year. I would have mentioned the name but for . ..
I have given you ideas from all steps that have worked for me. I mean all.
Read the book: The Richest Man in Babylon (you may cry small o at wasted money).
Please remember to come do small give away in December/January sha because you go save money
@theIsokoMan
Thank you for this. Very Educating
DeleteKeep borrowing them remember givers never lack besides the Yoruba will say Eyan laso mi. When u have problems it is ur friends and families that will rally round you.
ReplyDeleteKnow when to say NO my sister else, you will be used and dump cuz by the time u need money, they won't be there to help u..na story u go hear oooo
ReplyDeletePls be firm with your decisions. if you continue this way, you may end up broke. it well.
ReplyDeleteYour friends are living above their means.
ReplyDeleteDon't block anybody.
Simply tell them you don't have. It's not that difficult to say.
Tell them you are also broke cos you invested in something.
Be ready to be called names. But develope a thick skin and move on.
Keep borrowing them remember givers never lack. When you are in a time of need they might help you too. The Yorubas will say Eniyan laso mi. Before you save your money. Remove the amount u intend to use as a giveaway so that u won't be termed to be stingy.
ReplyDeleteThe key is to save first before spending. So open a savings account in the bank or insurance company with mandate to automatically withdraw from your salary account at the date of salary payment. That way, you won't lie you don't have
ReplyDeleteIs experience that teaches best.....when you turn around and no one gives you,you will learn best.be wise
ReplyDeletePoster ignore those who see you as ATM, they are not your true friends
ReplyDeleteMake yourself scarce, take of your health, ask GOD for Wisdom and COURAGE
Continue to give after all givers never lacks
ReplyDeletePoster, I was just like you before until I made a firm decision neither to lend nor to borrow money from anyone! So I straight up say in a kind voice, I'm sorry but I don't have disposable money to lend. If you want to dash urgent 5k you can. But you have to just say NO straight up else you will just end up shooting yourself in the foot. The year is young, start now to look after yourself!
ReplyDeleteMadam tire your money down, tire even the money yet to arrive down. What I mean is this:
ReplyDelete1. Direct debt from your salary acct. Into your coweriwise fixed savings acct. Where you can't withdraw for the next 6months .
2. Save for a project like land ourchase, I port business give yourself 3.months target
3. Be part of an Ajo savings with friends not the urger DOS 2k friends. And collect first even if you don't need the car collect it and out in 1 for no reason.
Once they call at the end of the month u tell them you are even managing cos u put money here and there ... U will see how they would rest. Now you see that one that matures in 6months on the 6th month all those Ur debtor friends ask all of them for urgent 30k. They would avoid u like a plague, then Ur bulk money fix Una bank for another 6months.
Secrets from the Ijebu woman who owns a hotel change in Ibadan.
Continue giving. One day u will learn. Now anyone wey ask me I go tell u say I am expecting one money. And so shall it remain!!
ReplyDeleteI was like you for many years until they emptied me. I lost my job even at that, these so called friends were still coming and I was busy giving without restrictions. I became so broke that all the so called friends left me in a pity stage. Whenever I reached out to them for help, they'll just say "I can't believe you're broke joor but last last, you'll be alright" Not a single help came from those who benefited from my benevolent act. Be sure to know that whatever decision you make to help people who are at the same stage like you' especially in purchasing stupid things that you mentioned up there, you're only being taken for a fool and it'll not count for you whenever you need their helps as well. Use your tongue to count your teeth! If you don't have what to do with your money, take yourself out to some decent places where you can meet great friends that can add value to your life not those suckers you're attaching yourself with for fears of loneliness
ReplyDelete