Thursday, December 08, 2022
Media Gal Stephanie Coker Says She Cannot Make Friends With Women Who Have Spent Their Whole Lives In Nigeria
55 comments:
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You the one having complex issues and millions of your likes that love importing western or foreign ways of life without putting into consideration ...who made it mandatory that the western way is the way of life ?
ReplyDeleteShe's actually very right, but you won't understand if you've never lived abroad. The mindset is totally different!
DeleteI am a 🇳🇬🇺🇸 who has spent decades outside 🇳🇬. This kind of stand-offish obtuse statement reeks of low self esteem & inferiority complex. Btw this girl has no British accent! Her accent might as well be from Surulere or Akure but it IS NOT British. Why do some of these airheads think it’s ok to talk down at people just because they have spent a few years out of Nigeria? I’m so glad my non Nigerian friends don’t read our newspapers… the infantile comments by self loathing folks are on another level. Ms Coker you and your “IJGB” (from spending a few years in the UK/Cyprus/Turkey etc) folks are pretentious. You did not just get back, you are 🇳🇬
DeleteIt is an unending subtle misogyny taught from generation, that is why in a disagreement a woman is told to call her husband to discuss with a man instead of her (like she is unworthy and cannot grasp what is being deliberated on),or landlords asking for husband of potential tenants or single women being disrespected because of her marital status or a far junior son must be served by his elder sisters always
DeleteIt is an unconscious rotten mentality, that assumes women are inferior, objects and treated as such
A penis does not a great mind make, it is all thrash thinking
Dear Stephanie its just the exact same way us born and raised in the West look down on you that was not born here. We feel you are too slow in understanding and you guys behave like market women especially the nurses...yuck.
DeleteI watched the video and I agree with her. Not the example she gave though but I understand what she’s saying. When I moved back to naija, the friends I made that had been in Nigeria their whole lives, we just didn’t connect well. Their thinking is different. Both male and female. It was difficult being friends with them. Omo I just cut them off and focused on my IJGB friends. So much easier. I remember telling my husband that I couldn’t have married a man who had spent his whole life in Nigeria. And it’s true. The thinking is different. Naija men believe in SMOTHERING you when dating all in the name of love. Calling you at 6 am just to say “hi baby”. Are you ok??? Who calls someone that early??? Then naija girls can BEG. Oh Lord! It’s just hard. I feel Stephanie honestly.
ReplyDeleteYou are the problem, you probably felt spending a few years abroad makes you better. Why didn't you throw away your siblings and parents. My siblings have living abroad starting from 1975, before you were born I guess. They have friends that have never left Nigeria. Go fix your dirty palm oil complex
DeleteChai.
DeleteAlexander haaa.
DeleteBe calming down biko.
Anony 12:03...I understand you totally and I advise you stick to your plan of marrying a man who has lived abroad for some years for your own sanity, the understanding in many issues is totally different. I did that!
If I get into the car first and open my hubby's side for him while waiting for him,some get offended like " haba,he can open the his side door na,kilode?"
Stephanie's story is the reason you'll find Venita Akpofure, Eku Edewor, Michelle Dede and many others hiding their British accent and speaking straight pidgin English in a typical Lagos gathering then switch when they are in the right circle. I do too. If not you'll be adjudged "that lady wen dey like to speak big big English and do like better person". It's a scary situation. Don't speak British accent with a lagosian who's not,you go enter trouble.
Typing big English according to some even here has given me enemies,strangers fa. Some say na Googled English ni o. Hahahahahahaha. I had to start mixing with pidgin to avoid weeping attackers.
I've argued front and back with a friend who insisted Michelle was being too nice and polite and I say what do you expect? it's her upbringing.
I haven't typed any comment here since 2011 in the morning without first greeting bvs and I can't remember not saying thanks to my driver after collecting the key to the car from him, some people are taken aback like "what's that?".
It comes with your formative years, hold the door for the next person or say hi and wave at everyone when you walk into a room, haaa,in Lagos those tiny etiquettes and grooming tips are not for Eko my dear.
Stick to your grooming,in a little time you'll grow into your actual circle. Yes, there's a circle out there for you but in later years.
They understand your lifestyle.
Yes me too I said that to a friend of mine and she was scandalised. I really wish I had stuck to my guns. Nigerian men who have always lived in Nigeria are just not for me!. Me and them reason IN VERY different ways and anyone who doesn't reason like them is "bad".
DeleteThis madam sef. What are you saying. Europeans and Americans that don’t have manners is what you’re comparing to Nigerians. Hian. I understand what Steph is trying to say about vibes and all that, but she had to say it in a condescending way; typical her. She lacks emotional intelligence . Person wey marry for $$$ dey talk. Nawa
DeleteLol..
ReplyDeleteNa example she give, but them go curse am tire today, na this post go get the highest comments today..
They hate to take corrections, when you point out something they're doing wrongly, they'll all gather together from every corner to throw curses and insults lol..
Na them them,. This one no concern me sha✌️
Of course you will find a way to bring down girls in this post. It’s who you are, so.
DeleteMeanwhile It’s a cultural difference she just pointed out. Not necessarily wrong or right. Her example really doesn’t show what she’s trying to say because I know A lot of women that would say hi to everyone on a table both male and female and even be all chatty with the females they are just meeting and they have never been outside the shores of naija.
Though I still get her point, in order for friendship to flow naturally people need to have similar vibes and values.
Lol..
DeleteEmotional creature..
I just yarbed a SIMP in another post, I do that here everyday, no man has come here to say I always find a way to bring down men.. but when I give slayqueens olodo their own, you'll all come out crying that I'm insulting women..
Na Una way.. it's who you are too✌️
If this dude pisses you off pass off on his comments
Delete@ Yvonne, I get you perfectly well, her example isn't really accurate cos there are Nigerians and IJGBs who are friendly or bitchy as the case may be. However, the same way bankers, lawyers, doctors gravitate towards each other, the same way IJGBs will gravitate towards each other, let those raised in Nigeria not start feeling intimidated.
DeleteThe issue is “IJGB” definition. You did not just get back if you merely went to study abroad and returned to your life and home in Nigeria after your student visa expired. You never left. You had no choice as you were neither citizens nor residents of those places! You never stopped being Nigerians!
DeleteWhat a shallow statement. I've lived abroad for a number of years. Sounds like she has a complex. How can living abroad make you a better friend than those born and raised here?
ReplyDeleteLiving abroad didn’t help you much sha
DeleteYou may disagree with her but at least understand the comment
This is the problem where did she say she is better. She says she reasons differently from them .
DeleteShe must have her own reasons though. But not everyone who have lived in Nigeria althrough have the same mentality.
ReplyDeleteSuch bad grammar Steph but you have a point. Anyone who has spent any part of their formative years in the real abroad will observe a vastly different and progressive culture and that will frame their mindset to understand concepts that are alien to an African who is surrounded by Africans in Africa. Unconditional and basic respect for everyone, doing things for your partner without an ROI mindset, the importance of order, structure and balance. I left Nigeria as a teenager so most of my education and work life have been in the real abroad. I returned to Nigeria and attempted marriage and friendships. Completely different mindset. A society that is steeped in misogyny can never view women as valuable to its success. A Nigerian woman would mock the idea of a female president. A successful woman in the coperate world must her slept her way up. Very limited mindset. People enter relationships with their caps in hand. You are a resource to them. Compare for example the views of a Nigerian who has been immersed in a European mindset and one who got there after the age of 25. One knows that a black cat is a cat. The other calls her pastor in Nigeria for prayers.
ReplyDeleteI feel you on everything but the black cat...i can't help but chant blood of Jesus when I see one at night with their glowing green eyes😂
DeleteCan't even fault her, I've never left Nigeria before,but I find it hard to be close to people that was born and raised in the village cos of their wack mentality
ReplyDeleteNigerian women complain about Nigerian men.
ReplyDeleteNigerian woman complains about all home grown Nigerian women.
Nigerian homwomen
Abeg, I no wan talk plenty
It is well.
DeleteLike...I tire as well. Hmmm
DeleteThat is eh, it is so well. I don't get it. I have lived in the UK - abroad and lived more in Nigeria.... I currently live in a multicultural African country now and I am completely appalled by this statement? Someone even said saying "thank you" to driver is abroad culture? s in American Children that dont even greet you? hain. Haba now, you guys come on. give us a break, please now... this narrative is WRONG and should be shut down completely. A
Delete😅🤣
DeleteThank you o! I live in the 🇺🇸. I am a Nigerian American and I still had this conversation yesterday about how we need to teach our children how to be respectful the Nigerian way because many American kids don't know how to greet. I always have to tell my kid, when you get on the school bus, greet the bus driver, good morning. When we get to church,greet your elders. Many of them will just pass by, simple greeting , wahala. Many Nigerians can be so egotistical because if it's not ego and pride why would someone feel like living abroad gives them a better mindset than those who live/bred in Nigeria. It is this same ego and pride that will make them respect an American or Non- Nigerian boss but because you are of Nigerian origin, you will not be respected as a manager. Very colonial, white-washed mindset.
DeleteI totally get Steph.
ReplyDeleteNigerian women do not rate themselves.like,why should they say hi when you're not a man that can potentially pay their bills.We really need to grow tf up!
I have to agree. But I see it mostly with the men
ReplyDeleteEven men that have just moved from Nigeria tend to be different from the ones that have spent years abroad before you meet them. Nigerian men in nigeria can be nice and cook but in the abroad many don’t even count that as being a good man. It’s just part of life
I get her
DeleteTheir thinking or mentality is often different not inferior just different
Perspectives are different, many were brought up with imbibed low self esteem, to see themselves as inferior, it is pathetic
I think I understand her. It's not that bad but the truth is that you can hardly mix up with people who aren't as exposed as you are.
ReplyDeleteI have a friend who doesn't watch movies, doesn't eat fruits, doesn't read books or novels. I avoid her with everything in me. Because she mostly doesn't understand. She is very beautiful but we can't hold an intelligent conversation.
I also can't imagine being friends with someone who hasn't left the village since she was born. What are we going to be talking about?
So, yea. She is right but it doesn't mean that people like us who was raised here aren't good.
Cultural differences & nuances across different societies does not equal superiority. Culture evolves & poverty has affected the mindset of many 🇳🇬 including those who think they are “rich” that someone even said she can’t relate with folks from the village! We are talking of a psychological problem here of feeling superior because you think you have been exposed to a “better” set-up? I’m 🇺🇸 but I grew up in Nigeria when we did not need a visa to go to the UK, the £ was almost equal to the Naira, relationships were not ATM-like etc! First a lot of younger Millenials are ignorant of a 🇳🇬 where going to the UK was NOT a big deal! We spent vacations there up to the 80s, those who lived there were the POORER relatives who envied how many came to spend £ there! Universities gave bursaries (pocket money) to every college kid which many spent on summer trips in England. Many in our parents generation chose to return to Nigeria because they were consigned to the lower rungs of the British society. Where do you think all these folks forming “upper class 🇳🇬” were born in the 70s/80s? The poorer parts of a much more racist UK! See what bad governance did to the home country!
ReplyDeleteYou would think we started traveling abroad in the past 20 years! 🇳🇬have been going abroad mainly to the UK for over a century so “mother superiors” please 🛑 This is what decades of bad governance has done to the psyche of its youths, it’s sad.
Most of those “accents” are ghetto British accents by the way! For the sake of ignorant “IJGB” folks, accents are NOT even uniform in countries so the Welsh accent is different from the accent in London, even within London the accents vary by towns & neighborhoods. It’s sad because it’s the reason many ignorant ones think “Ebonics” spoken in the ghetto is the 🇺🇸 accent! There is no uniform accent here. If I hear a Yankee speak, I can tell he/she is from NY as a Midwesterner. If a Southerner speaks, as someone who lived in the South, I can tell but pretentious folks have no clue that there is no uniform 🇺🇸 accent! They refer to every 🇺🇸sounding person as having Yankee (NY) accent!
It might help many to know that opening doors, saying “thank you” and “not considering others as resources or ATMs” IS actually the Nigerian culture that years of corrupt governance makes you think is foreign. Many don’t know that armed robbery was non existent in Nigeria until “Oyenusi” in the 70s! People could leave their doors open in Lagos! Why are we so quick to apportion “bad” behavior as 🇳🇬 and “good” behavior as foreign? Colonial mentality! Same reason black is associated with bad & white good! The same reason many Nigerians with superiority complex lack a deep sense of self awareness & global black history! Many blacks will be embarrassed to read what 🇳🇬 are writing about their own culture! Wao😳 The rot is deeper, colonizing the mind is worse!
Who are you? we must be agemates - I commented in 15:32 above but you just did justice to what i could not do. I just came off my school meeting here (in Nairobi) in my daughters school and all they were on about is how friendly Nigerians are in Africa - polite and ever ready to help. Only for me to come home open here and see this... like really? I am so appalled and upset. Indeed bad government really destroyed Nigeria. It hurts to say the least.
DeleteI wanted to comment earlier but you have said it all.
DeleteMy respects to you Sir/Ma.
AMETHYST
Anon 16:39😁. Some of us are here, “you cannot carry a baby anyhow when elderly folks are there to correct you - agba kinwa loja kori omo tuntun wo”👌🏾
DeleteThe deterioration of the society, the poverty induced colonial mentality that prompted Ms Stephanie Coker’s statement is sad. She was born in Nigeria in 1988, does she not like herself? She is totally 🇳🇬!
These folks travel for a few years and pretend to have foreign accents meanwhile Trump’s in laws have lived so long in Nigeria without Nigerian accents.
They act like 🇳🇬 just started traveling to England when it was the fad among college undergrads until the 80s with free money as bursary! Instead of them to face the thieves looting the money that should go to them, they travel for a few years as adults & act like they started speaking at 18 as “IJGB”! Got back from where? You are fully 🇳🇬! She will soon scrub her Wiki page to read born in England!
Asians travel all over have the world the word “karma”, now adopted by most of the globe. Where did Yoga originate from? The Indians, Lebanese and foreigners in Nigeria don’t have 🇳🇬 accents after decades but you travel from secondary through grad school & pretend that you are somehow better than everyone! 🇳🇬have been traveling for centuries, all of the mentally colonized, badly governed folks should know this and stop feeling superior!
Many years back I remember my then young kids telling me they were the ones that usually said “please” & “thank you” in their affluent suburban 🇺🇸schools & we their 🇳🇬 parents should stop making them say so! Yet some think oyinbos are culturally more polite or that their “hello” means friendliness!
wow anon 15:53 you really have deep knowledge about the journey of Nigeria ..it makes me laugh to see people who grew up in low class part of London come here to oppress ignorant people who have been made to feel inferior ..Na today we start to travel??? .... ...she met some rude women ... deal with each person as you see them instead of placing a whole over 100m women in same category
DeleteAnon 15:53, I love you. Your comment is gold.
DeleteMost of the guys that schooled in uk are stingyyyyyyyy! kai! GUM HANDS! and yes!! i'm a guy! Thats the truth!
DeleteAnon 15;53! Hahahahahahaha! you must be a woman! Damn! You just peeled the writer! Hahahahahahaha!
DeleteLOL they're dragging the shit out of her as I knew they would. Her experience is hers so I don't want to judge because only she knows what she has experienced that makes her say this. The problem is that she shouldn't have generalized. I was born and raised in Nigeria and I was taught to always greet people everywhere. Imagine my culture shock when I moved to New York! Over here, everyone minds their business, in fact if you say hi too much you look crazy. New Yorkers aren't friendly at all, men and women both LOL! So I don't think it's right for her to generalize or stereotype, unfriendly people are everywhere.
ReplyDeleteI agree with her.
ReplyDeleteI used to live in Nigeria. I recently moved abroad and the mindset is very different.
It is women who have lived in Nigeria that carry marriage on their head and ignore their single friends, when they get married.
It is women who live in Nigeria that spend so much time humping on someone's gist happily, with no decorum.
It is women who live in Nigeria who would rather wear huge wigs and berate the person with natural hair - calling her broke.
Nigerian women don't see black knuckles and knees as a problem. The moment I moved abroad, no be person tell me to ditch the wigs and "herbal" creams.
Resources are scarce in Nigeria so when someone marries/dates a man with small money, they become very loud. Abroad, your friend will earn more than your husband sef. So you can't even use a mans money to make noise.
The mindset is very different and I no longer relate with my Nigerian friends in Nigeria. I don't even bother about how they feel. Because I had a better mindset even when I was in Nigeria but they made me feel as if I was "slow". One of them I don't keep in touch with asked for my number the other day. I made the mistake of giving it to her. She's married with kids and a business she runs. E no reach 1 hour babe sent me voicenote asking me for money. She didn't even ask how I am. I fired her and warned her off! Forming madam on social media, wearing lace and dashing people Christmas rice. Yet, begging me for money. Who is working in this cold to fund your fake lifestyle? You think say I be mums. I blocked her ass after that!
Today, they're wondering how I'm succeeding in the Western world with people who don't look like me. My mindset is right and that's what matters in a sane environment. Respect, manners, confidentiality, empathy, sincerity, emotional intelligence, intellectuality. Not who has/wears/marries/drives/f(*ks the latest.
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
DeleteDon't agree with the example she gave because even IJGB Nigerian ladies do the same thing. They would greet the men and ignore the women. Not every woman but many do.
ReplyDeleteHowever, she's right. If you have lived legally abroad, your mentality would be different from those who have never left naija. But it's applicable to both men and women
What has this example of attitude got to do with living in Nigeria or outside Nigeria.
ReplyDeleteThis is just too myopic of Stephanie Coker or whatever she calls herself.
Gbam that's all I can say. I just wonder sometimes is it not this same abroad I dey live or is there another one? Where rudeness is the order of the day. Nigerians are friendly to a fault sef. Why do people always want another person to greet them first especially if it an adult in question. I decided to listen to her and I was appalled at the example she gave. I have not stopped laughing seriously. The insult she gets from her base in London why has she not talked about it make we just leave matter for Mathias shikina.
DeleteI totally agree with her, but the real issue is actually women like me and her who date/marry naija men that have lived in Nigeria their whole life omg it’s a car crash!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with her, but the real issue is actually women like me and her who date/marry naija men that have lived in Nigeria their whole life omg it’s a car crash!
ReplyDeleteYou can't befriend naija ladies, but you can marry a Nigerian bred man what a wow. And you endure his shit people shooting themselves in the leg since 1900. Why were you unable to marry an abroad bred guy? Make we start from there abi you no reach their level?
ReplyDeleteHer complaint is against the ladies so why would she avoid marrying one
DeleteAnon 20:53 it is a valid question. Whether she was complaining about the ladies only or not what makes the Nigerian bred man different.? We have to know so as to get a balance. Long story short the example and generalization is archaic period!
DeleteInstagram Nigerians fronting for clicks, people who have live abroad do not show off, the ones I know spend more time to learn their culture upon arrival not forge an accent to impress.
ReplyDeleteSays a woman that quit her job immediately she got married. I wonder what makes you better than women that have lived here all their lives.
ReplyDelete