Some people are smart enough to notice the red flags before marriage while others go into the Marriage and are shocked that they did not see any flags...
Guess what? The red flags are always there but we dont see them because we dont want to see them...LOL
Please share red flags alert that can help or lecture or entertain.....
This post was done spontaneously after reading some comments so i hope that it will make enough sense to generate meaningful comments.....
Lets gist!
Please share red flags alert that can help or lecture or entertain.....
This post was done spontaneously after reading some comments so i hope that it will make enough sense to generate meaningful comments.....
Lets gist!
Any partner that is so interested in your money,how you spend it and tries to manipulate the other into giving him/her that money is a huge red flag.
ReplyDeleteAnyone that isn't family oriented is a red flag.
Anyone that is quick to use abusive words when agitated or angry is a red flag.
Any man that sees nothing wrong with his woman bearing the financial burden while he sits back in the shadows is a massive red flag. Abuja guys have broken this table.
Any man that trivialises cheating is a red flag. Run oo
Nice points 👍
Delete* If he yells and talks to other women eg siblings or colleagues on phone
ReplyDelete*Always win an argument.
*Cancels dates impromptu without any geniniue reason.
*Has no respect for anyone. *Everyone around him is a devil and he is the only good person.
*He refused to introduce you to any of his friends or blood siblings.
*Finds nothing wrong in borrowing money from you without paying back.
Hmmmmmm. He will not change
Genuine*
DeleteOh Jesus!!
Dear Zaram the way you used the word he points out as if this is only from the male aspect. This also is form both gender which I just want to correct.
DeleteThe red flags I saw but regretfully ignored:
ReplyDelete- rage: he almost beat up a truck driver in the name of road rage.
- the way he talks to people (especially his siblings) disrespectfully … thought I’d always be different … na lie
- we hardly laughed at the same things.
There is this Yoruba guy that asked me out and I'm thinking of giving it a shot, but he won't just shut up about how we Igbo's don't have respect. He keeps bringing it up every little discussion we have, I've asked him what respect means to him, is it because we don't lie down to greet our elders, I told him if the respect thing is going to be a problem it is better we go our different ways.he said no, that it is just an observation.
ReplyDeleteMy people is it true that Igbo's don't have respect, because person wey get body odor sometimes no dey know, na other people dey notice am.
Me personally I accord respect irrespective of who you are, what I don't do is sucking up or eye service, I also value my esteem, I don't know if that will come up as being disrespectful.
That I want to be in a relationship does not mean stress
You are seeing red flag you are asking him if it will be a problem,you really expect him to say you should end it?that guy will just use u n bounce on to the next.. please drop that guy like you drop trash.
Deletei would steer clear this relationship if it were me. you have battles ahead of you.
DeleteBetter run from him if you can't condole that cos it would be worse after marriage.
DeleteMy Igbo friends don't prostrate while greeting but they are very respectful.
And note this, respect is not a tribal thing, it's an individual thing. Some of my Yoruba peeps would kiss the floor while greeting but still don't regard you at the end of the day. So with other tribes, some will hail and great you to the high heavens but don't have regards to you. So...I drop my pen
This is obviously a problem to him and he won't stop talking about it. From the look of things you're not comfortable. This respect thing began as an observation, but I hate to generalize or link a behavior to any tribe. I am Yoruba, however leave this man. Especially if you have mentioned how the statement hurts you.
DeleteTruth is most don't know when they do certain things hence he can answer you no.
DeleteIf you know you don't like the way he talks about you or your tribe, don't give in. It'll get worse in the future.
Be there asking questions.
DeleteGo ahead with the relationship and we await your Chronicles
DeleteFor some peopl it’s a joke
DeleteJust tell him how you feel and see if he stops
If he doesn't care about your success, your happiness this is a red flag.
ReplyDeleteIf he want to know everything about your money, salary, red flag.
A man that listen to his mother or family members tells him how to treat you red flag.
If he is cheating on you, red flag.
If he doesn't spend time with you, spoil you with gift and money, red flag.
If he want to know who and who call you, who you are chatting with and check your phone, red flag
How about the ladies?
DeleteOnly the first and third flew.
DeleteOn the second, men don't want full liability women nowadays.
Excited courtesy you are right. What you see as red flags, if others do not see it na their business jare.
DeleteDomestic violence
ReplyDeleteUnder this, we have alot of violence..Emotional, physical, montary, etc
What is montary violence pinky?Educate me please.
DeleteNa monetary you no still fit type. Nawa o
DeleteRecently, my fiance travelled for work.
ReplyDeleteOne of the days we were discussing over the phone, I noticed his friends were around. So, I told him to say hi to them on my behalf. He told them his babe said hi and one of them asked whether it was Sophia or myself, and he mentioned my name.
I just pretended as if I didn't hear that and didn't raise it up immediately cos he was with his friends.
When he came back, he couldn't provide a reasonable response on who Sophia is, omo, I gotta move.
I also discovered that he saved the lady's number with a male name on his phone(truecaller app showed me), wipes their chat but whatsapp call shows they make video and audio call often and so many eye opening facts.
I trusted this guy so much that I overlooked so much.
Wedding plans are for December but I have cold feet already. I can't stand a cheat and then a liar. I thank God for this eye opener.
He has been doing extra these days to prove himself worthy but I've checked out emotionally.
Better check out physically as well.
DeleteIf you have emotionally checked out, then it's best you call the marriage a quit. Why would his friends ask such question in the first place knowing that you're still on the line? this is to tell you that he's just like his friends. Birds of a feather flock together.
DeleteRun run run
DeleteThere’s fire on the mountain run run run
I was engaged and my so called fiance was busy doing video calls with one girl
On our last valentine he only sent a text in the morning and did nothing else
But he was on a pre valentine midnight call with the chick
I was still contemplating with to do
I later found out I wasn’t what he wanted
I bounced oh
Bounced in tears and at 27 years.
I told God I can never have a better yesterday.
You must give me something much better than what I’ve lost
Omo, God confirmed his word
My husband now dey give me joy.
The kind of peace I have. The kind of deeep conversations we have. The way we laugh and play and the standards he has set for our family dey fill my heart
He’s not perfect but I know God gave me my own
Sister bounce
He does video call with this lady. Let him just marry her and let you be abeg.
If you no fit bounce, which is understandable, then I wish you well.
I would like to know how things eventually turn out. I am in a similar situation. Really don't know where and how to start afresh.
DeleteEveryone says almost all men cheat, that some are just better at concealing it. Really don't know.
Why do you guys check out emotionally and yet hang around collecting all the extra being done to redeem?
DeleteDon't we know it ends bad sometimes for one or both partners?
Cut and move.
17:25 and you believe what people say? What do you want? As has been said, a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. Except answering Mrs is what is most important to you.
DeleteYou checked out emotionally buy you are still with him physically. You sha want to become a Mrs by December. Tomorrow now, you will come with Chronicle of how he cheats with a girl that he was dating before he married you. How he is a chronic cheat and liar. He infected you with HIV and STDs.
DeleteNa you sabi o.
That one saying that people said almost all men cheat.
Do your brothers and male cousins cheat? Your male neigbours cheat? Your male friends and your friends' brothers cheat? Your dad cheated on your mum? Your uncles also cheated on their wives?
If not, why would you be so naive to believe what people say?
My husband does not cheat, yes I know. He has never cheated since we started dating 25 years ago and now married.
Inset standard for myself that I will never marry a useless man and I didn't marry the useless men that I met.
It's not everything that you run away from. Haba!
DeleteI'm a guy. I have a girlfriend that I love so much and we intend settling down next year. Of course, I knew other ladies before i met my girlfriend, but she's the only one i love and the one i intend to spend the rest of my life with.
A while ago, she called called me while i was at work. I innocently gave the phone to my colleague to say hi, and he called her by another name.
Now, this girl he called her is an old friend that i have never ever had anything to do with before. Its just that she works nearby and stops by at my office from time to time. I have known her since my uni days, over 10 years ago, and we have not had anything sexual at all.
My girlfriend got all angry and accused me of cheating on her. And i was like...HOOOOOWWW?? Eventually, when she visited town, I made sure she met the girl in person. Of course, she was not comfortable and insisted i reduce my friendship with the said lady, which i have gladly done.
So, my dear Poster, you know your man better. If he loves and treats you well, there's no need to end a good relationship because of this event. Forget social media advice ooo, it's a jungle out there. The next person might be far worse.
If he cannot repeat what he told you earlier the same way,it's a huge red flag.
ReplyDeleteRed flags are not always there and until people understand that, victims will traumatizing themselves and committing suicide. Sometimes someone is bad enough at being evil that they hide it all from you till it’s too late.
ReplyDeleteWhen is too late to back out?🙄
DeleteSo you will rather remain at the expense of your happiness and peace of mind?
Red flags dey every angle, the issue is how do you test and see.
ReplyDelete1. Discuss health issue start with std, family health challenges, 40k all inclusive test at medplus,
2. Outward behaviour in anger, actions in vengeance, ask them you want to wicked someone at work what will you do. If they say do charm run
3. Infidelity person wey cheat when never marry go cheat pass when dem marry. Bo's na Der the cheating dey sweet pass
4. Prayer life... Pray and fast as a team for different reasons. I know a very church gal wey talk say I can never fast . !a she wan marry pastor as we dey talk.
5. Openness in lifestyle to partner it accountability - if they cannot answer where are u, on video, who is this or that, what did you mean ... Run cos. If not them u gaslight you until u burn .
Discuss and current events all, why? How would a guy love the female in bbn but would never want you to be there, why would a lady think cheating is ok if the other person does not find out. Know their point of view. Beige u start hearing how could I have known he would sacrifice our first child. Ask ohhh
All of you have said it all
ReplyDeleteHe is always availabe, physically and digitally. Means he ain't gainfully employed.
ReplyDeleteTrue
DeleteHe uses the term 'control women' when talking about relationships. They are not to be controlled but amicably related with, they should freely want to follow you if you lead right.
ReplyDeleteShe talks to your homies behind your back.
ReplyDeleteShe directly asks for the card or phone number of whoever you introduce her to 'for business reasons'.
ReplyDeleteHian! There are women who do this?
DeleteHe just met you and is professing love or being possessive; delayed regret be that.
ReplyDeleteHe respects his father, hangs on his every word & his dad told him not to take women's words and feeling serious, that they are ALL children. Run!
ReplyDeleteHis dad was right.
DeleteNigga ask for all your bank account numbers immediately after marriage. And your ATM pins but doesn't give his.
ReplyDelete100% correct.
DeleteI be man. I won't let my sister, niece, or daughter do it.
It is a red flag if your partner is not proud to ntroduce you as his/her girlfriend/boyfriend.
ReplyDeleteLets say both of you are out on a date for instance and then run into some of his friends and he is asked "guy, won't you introduce us to your beautiful companion?" If he does not proudly announce you as his girlfriend, then something is off.
Over true!
DeleteThe most glaring
DeleteThis one no mean anything
DeleteThey introduce you to their family members, take you to their family house, they call you "our wife" yet he has another girl somewhere they know that he wants to marry.
When you earn more than him, take care of the bills but anytime he spends 1# out of his pocket, he collects the money back from you.
ReplyDeleteTrue
DeleteAh! Omo
DeleteCodedness is a red flag.
ReplyDeleteKnow the difference between quiet reservation and secretiveness. Quiet people can be very deep. Know the direction of that depth.
You, be open, be yourself and draw your partner out too.
Be careful not to put romance forward, rather pursue true friendship. Friends open up to each other oftentimes, no matter how good or bad . Romantic partners seek to hide their flaws for as long as they can sustain the charade. And when that fizzles out, there's nothing to stick around for. Romance is better later, when true friendship has been established.
Until you see the worst emotions a person can exhibit, never claim you know them. How do they truly react to unpleasant circumstances?
Beware of Mama's boys or men who can't think without their friends or family.
Beware of women with serious herd mentality, if they don't agree with yours.
Beware of men who have no elders or mentor they respect.
Beware of men who have no vision. Also avoid dreamers who have no plans and are not working to achieve anything.
Beware of anybody who does not fear God in the simplest of matters. If you guys have no qualms about breaking godly rules on sex before marriage, what give you the mind to believe marriage can stop infidelity. Vows, I laugh.
Strong and independent woman should not necessarily include rudeness and brashness. Be careful. If it is not properly managed, you and your children will enjoy the outcome.
Beware of the vindictive ones, the petty ones, the aggressive ones, the obstinate, the pretentious. Marriage is hard enough without this attitudes.
Beware of the substance lovers (alcohol, powders, veggies and smokes, etc) whether they be male or female. The love of these may deepen when situations come up.Only God can save an addict.
You see the ones that love the soft life, check how hard they honestly work and plan to attain what they desire. Do not end up with a criminal or a woman who will push your hand to evil or even do evil herself.
Are a goat, marry one too. If you are sheeplike, marry your kind. There are different levels within the two folds to find the one that will match your personality with the right complements.
My ultimate advice is:
Be a God lover, seek a God lover. Let His Spirit guide you as you navigate the slippery terrains of relationships before marriage. Things are dicey out there.
Thank you so much..
DeleteOmo
Delete👏👏👌👌
Delete👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 Thanks D'Arc Ed.
DeleteWhat an interesting post.
Thanks Stella and Beevees.
Second to the last point takes the crown
DeleteIf you are a goat or dog, marry your type, since
If you are a sheep, marry your type. Don't go and marry a dog and think you can change him
Anyone who loves to sleep too much. Anyone who loves to take but never gives. Speaking ill of their ex, even if it is true, they will speak ill of you too. Wanting to decide for you how you should dress, eat, speak is trouble waitibg to happen. Overly friendly with your friends could be the sign of a cheater or someone plottibg
ReplyDeleteIf he calls himself a real man...Red Flag.
ReplyDeleteIf he calls other men SIMP but he is a coward...Redder Flag.
If he abuses women and yarns rubbish of things that never happened...Reddest Flag.
😁
A friend was about to get married at work during preparation of the marriage she kept getting alerts, she calls him he said yes I’m the one withdrawing money, he said something they both laughed. After the call she said he’s been making withdrawals. But her happy mood changed. Her family paid for traditional marriage and introduction she paid for all white wedding reception and also bought her gown. My people in space of 1-2 years oh lord. I’m angry 😠 her savings is gone only her taking care of her baby, he doesn’t even carry the baby while she go to search for their next meal. Finished this big girl with good job made her relocate. Not knowing he has nothing just borrow pose car that he later returned 😢
ReplyDeleteGodforbid bad thing
DeleteBeware of men who ask women want they bring to the table. (Because they're obviously blind or like to Lord themselves over others). How possible is it that he brought everything and the woman brought nothing??
ReplyDeleteNo one should tolerate gross misbehavior, give them back and call it quits.
Carrying a pregnancy, going into the labour room and coming out alive, do they think it is an easy feat? The woman is bringing her life to the table. Nonsense!
DeleteIf you get upset because someone asks what your'e bringing to the table, maybe it's you they should be careful of.
DeleteIf she goes to church a lot, na pastor side chic you want marry. Run!
ReplyDeleteIf she uses Jesus a lot in her statements. Na runs girls! Na Dem dey call God's name pass to deceive gullible men.
If she no too dey call, my man, you be 2nd or 3rd choice. I won't say 5th choice in order not to break your heart.