STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
MARRIED TO A SERIAL CHEAT
Its been 13 yrs of marriage...10 yrs of enduring different episodes of infidelity...hubby was 100% faithful for the 1st 3yrs and it was heaven on earth...with 2 kids in 3 yrs...
Its been 13 yrs of marriage...10 yrs of enduring different episodes of infidelity...hubby was 100% faithful for the 1st 3yrs and it was heaven on earth...with 2 kids in 3 yrs...
We prayed for more money to take care...new job with double paycheck and my bae starts to hunt for girls...I don talk tire, pray tire...
Married women please I need advice on how to stay on in this marriage...the marriage don tire me like my tired is also tired of being tired. I've asked for divorce twice and he refused to go to work, stayed home begging me that he can't live without me.
Oya face me alone naaa, whosai...he says I'm beautiful and my body doesn't look like one that has carried babies and he knows that a man would rush marry me and he doesn't want his kids in another man's house...
I told him I can sign custody of the kids to him, if I will have visitation rights, he said he can't care for them like me, I'm the best to care for them and he wants them to have the best care....make una advice me abeg..
I am an Asst Director with the FG and earn well, have a master's degree and still fine. I don treat infection tire, I want my marriage to work but I'm tired of condoning his weakness, this particular weakness...
A friend said I should get myself a lover too so I can ease up and not be too focused on him or that I should date a fellow babe and allow her do stuffs to my b#obs and privates. I'm no lesbian but I'm becoming bi-curious.
First off, stay away from that supposed friend because she gave you bad advice to finally end it all and they are the ones that will go around later saying its cos you were sleeping around.. Dont try women, you may get hooked and you may also get the same infections you are running away from....
If he doesnt not change and the infections continue, leave with your health condition in check... Ask him for a separation, make plans and move out and stop threatening him and asking for divorce you dont need divorce you need your health and mind in good condition!
Selah
My number 1 advice: Divorce.
ReplyDeleteIf you don't want Divorce, then take my number 2 advice
My number 2 advice: Get a side cock. Enjoy yourself and make yourself happy.
If you continue enduring like this, you will become miserable.
If you are a good Christian, then take advice number 3.
Advise number 3: Disconnect emotionally from him and focus on other things that can make you happy like learning new skills, making new friends, going on trips and all.
Choose anyone that is more suitable for you. Shallom.
What kind of selfishness is this? he isn’t begging you to stay because he cares and would try to do better, but because he cannot stand imagining another man have you or raise his kids. Walahi the way some Nigerian men think have got me in a chock-hold🤣
DeleteMy dear, this man is putting himself first, the earlier you start doing the same the better for you, weigh your options and what gives you more peace, leaving or staying and then make your decision.
If you like playing mind games like most Nigerian women, you can stay and focus on yourself and the kids and make him think you are cheating by spending more time laughing on the phone, like they say.
If you also want to leave create a plan and do it without sounding like a mocking bird and talking about divorce every two seconds.
Getting a side chic or cock, should be a decision you make on your own terms and not because you are trying to seek vengeance but because you deserve to be truly loved
If you also want to seek separation for a while to weigh your options on what gives you peace. do so, but you have to seek peace
Push up (original)
Na real wa o
DeleteDon't follow your friend's advice
You just move on ahead if you have had it up to your neck
Babe let me tell you what i did. For me i registered in agym to get toned up. Then changed my wardrobe. Started loving myself and ignoring him. Changed rooms,no more sleeping on same bed. Take my self for treats,have girls night with my sisters. Travel on mini vacations within the country and completely ignored him. Now na him dey follow me like lost puppy. No more hanging out after work. For me my kids are big and mostly boys. My son's follow me and we hang out together. So try it and see if it would work for you.
DeleteNo need leaving. Especially if he is a good father and there is no domestic violence. Stay together and raise the children cos the truth is separation and all affect the kids the most. Anyway the first thing is that U have to stop sleeping with him. Look at him like a good or best friend. Talk and gist and raise the kids well together. Stop sleeping with him so u don’t catch any infection. If u need sex get toys or get someone u can sleep with once in a while. Take care of yourself for yourself. Find other interests and have a good Time. If u can’t then u may just have to leave.
DeleteMy 70 year old friend (yes we are friends) is still fighting her disease bringing husband
ReplyDeleteY’all know why you stay. As long as that reason is more important to you than your sanity, you’ll stay on.
70 years old? People still dey kpansh at that age? This thing no dey tire some people?
DeleteMy parents are still very sexually active at 71 & 76. My parents inlaws too at 73 & 80. I know this cos they came to complain that his medication was affecting the quality of his erection. 15.58, so long as there is life, love and good health, nothing should stop you.
DeleteMa'am, you only two options, stay, pray and keep treating STDs, or leave the marriage, only two, pick one.
ReplyDeleteHe has your mumu button (those combination of words) and he is using it effectively to his personal gain.
DeleteHe has picked his infidelity over his home so you have to choose what you rate. Sorry you believe it is his weakness. It's either your sanity and overall wellbeing or a miserable life laced with STDs. (This your current situation/marriage)
Did you think he would even be pulling off this show if you were solely dependent on him financially? You married a man who is not only selfish but also wicked to his immediate family. Do you even love yourself?
I can't deal with a man who thinks he can have his cake and eat it too.
Truly that your friend go sell you out if you entertain her ideas.
Thank you
DeleteThank you Stella...
ReplyDeletePoster you are not ready to divorce him that is why you constantly threaten him with divorce. If you want an out from this marriage you don't need to talk too much, just act by moving out of that marriage for a while and see if his brain will reset.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, you can act like you don't care, active your ignore button and see if he will not change on his own.
That your friend who is telling you to cheat on your husband may be eyeing him and want to use your cheating on him to get closer to your husband. If you want another lover make sure you are divorce from him else there will be no difference between you two.
You are doing well for yourself, you can take care of your children, you should rent an apartment and move out. I forgot to ask if you have reported him to family members, have your family and his have a heart to heart Convo about this. If you have done this still no head way please walk away while you can
Poster, please and please!!! If you want to complain about your cheating husband, please complain about only his cheating so that we will call men "scum scummer scummest "
ReplyDeleteBut
If you want to cheat on your husband with a side Cork or lesbian, please say that with your full chest and stop using your husband as an excuse, so that we can say "take out 6 hours from your 24 hours everyday and fear women "
Bike stop confusing our judgement.
Lol..
DeleteHonestly, Pink has to apologize for that comment..
If you want to be a woman pleaser, do so, it's your prerogative, but don't drag other men into your SIMPle moves..
And the irony of all these is that men that do these, judging other men and all, na them be the real scams and cheats, but ladies don't like to see the truth. They will never ask themselves why this guy is throwing himself and other men under the bus, so long as you can praise them and kiss their asses, they get carried away and believe the hype.. they believe in fantasies, things that are obviously not real and can never be real..
Blessings my G
Lol@BOSS DANTE.
DeletePinky needs to release heartfelt public apology to all men.
As for your last paragraph, ladies ain't ready for that discussion.
Once he is too good, he isn't good.
Anyway, let's leave the discussion because ladies love " SIMPle real men"
My anger with ladies like this poster ìs that they will first paint their husband black before telling us that they want to cheat.
Kindly avoid that your friend. She doesn't mean well for you. As for your husband, he is very selfish and clearly know what he's doing. I doubt he will change. It would better you separate from him first and then divorce later if nothing changes. Good luck to you.
ReplyDeleteHow doesn’t she mean well
DeleteFriend is giving her advice where she is
Not every woman wants divorce but finding a side piece makes them happy while they stay married
I don’t get it asking someone to get a side piece who happens to be another woman’s husband. Leave and have self control. You all wonder why cheating is so common? Cheating and divorce are part of the same cycle, not the only parts but most divorcees cheat with married people.Hurt people hurt people”. Poster leave before you contract a serious STD
DeleteDo not keep any lovers please....male/female.
ReplyDeleteYou haven’t been serious with the divorce thing.
First, tell him you both need time apart. Get an apartment, move some of your things there and let him know. That will scare him and he’ll understand you are serious.
If he really can’t live without you, he’ll stop cheating. But if he continues, go and move your remaining things and leave the house for him and move on with your life.
Sluttychic.
He's eating his cake and selling cake. He has the best of both sides.
ReplyDeleteTaking a walk seems your preferred option. All the pleas that your body is this and that and you being the best to take care of the kids are just to cajole you into staying. If he can't imagine you with another, it means he understands the hurt you pass through but does not want to change. Your sanity matters and if you don't do anything about it, it gradually enters into nerves. Must you have to let him know you want to leave him? If your family knows his ways, you can quietly separate.
When he falls sick, you will be the one to take care of him but now he's fine, he's for the public and you're treating infections. The emotional and psychological torture you pass through can't be quantified.
Your decision, your choice.
Good luck.
Big Stellz with the 'BESTest' advice today..
ReplyDelete💯
Co-sign✍️
You are not tired na.
ReplyDeleteYou never tire.
Continue treating infections.
If you were tired trust me, you wouldn't need anybody's opinion.
You never tire.
The real opinion she appears to need is whether to go for a side cock or go on with her bi-curiousity. It is not whether to separate or divorce from her husband.
Delete#theIsokoMan
Separation not divorce for two years and see if he will stay off it if not then divorce
ReplyDeletePoster, your husband is a very manipulative human being. He wants to have the best of everything: perfect wife,perfect kids and side chicks as added bonus. It is obvious that he isn't even watching out for you because he sleeps around without protection. Is it until you get an incurable disease that you will have the sense to get out of that bondage called marriage? Or don't you want to be alive for your kids? I am glad you are accomplished so you will fare well after separation. Please, this life is just once. Don't allow a careless man ruin you for his own selfish desires.
ReplyDeleteAvoid that friend of yours. See nonsense advice. Les gini? Mtchewww. Lesbians are even more aggressive and toxic than male lovers.
Poster please take care of yourself and be alive for your children. There are deadly diseases out there.
ReplyDeletePoster you see this madam Stella advice ehh na God sent to you.
ReplyDeleteStay away from ungodly friends abeg.
May God help you IJN 🙏
Madam you are not ready to leave, when you ready, you know how to go about it not all this ur talk tlk no action. Goodluck!
ReplyDeleteAvoid that your friend like the plague. You should be old and mature enough to know that she does not have your best interest at heart.
ReplyDeleteDo not cheat on your hubby, whether with man or woman. Even if you’re not a good Christian, you know that two wrongs don’t make a right, secondly, you would be doing the very thing you accuse him of and third, cheapening or demeaning yourself for nothing.
Stop sleeping with him to avoid diseases, period. Let him know the reason why you stopped and give him a wide berth.
If for what ever reason, you don’t want to divorce or be separated from him, you can stay in the home like platonic friends.
Get busy with hobbies, your job, church, personal interests etc. Travel and see the world with your kids.
Lock up and focus on being a better mother and person all round.
Usually, men sit up when women take their emotions out of the equation but many women have not learnt to do this.
If you cannot do that, you will have to leave him eventually for your own sake.
Shey until he gives you HIV/AIDS before you will move on. He is very selfish and manipulative. I know how difficult it is to move on but you have to be healthy for yourself and for the kids. Please separate from that man and ask the Holy Spirit for further guidance and direction. Let me reiterate, separate from that manipulative man.
ReplyDeleteI always ask the women : if the tables were turned and cheated and cheated openly and called it a weakness, would the man stay and give you the same grace ?
ReplyDeleteWhy do Nigerian women do this to themselves? Why ?
What’s in the marriage that you people want to die there ?
How are you comfortable knowing your husband is dipping his dick in so many vaginas without any protection?
Don’t you get tired of popping pills to treat infections?
Ei ! Y’all really really need a healthy sense of self esteem to leave these very toxic terrible conditions you call marriage.
Look at you letting the man gaslighting you to stay without him trying to change and be a better person.
No advice for you , be in that marriage and contract HIV/AIDS and possibly die from it .
Mtchewww
Lady MorgiannE
If only women know how some men hide their wives emotional and physical cheating.
DeleteEven on this blog I have read of the woman who praised her husband's long-suffering of her waywardness.
The major difference between the man and the woman on this issue is that when most men who do not want it all or had had enough, act decisively sometimes quietly. In some cases, the men still keep quiet about the reason for their action.
Hiv killed my friends parents. Dude brought it up. Y’all stay joking around with stds like it’s only the cheating part that’s the problem
ReplyDeleteBiblically, if a spouse cheats, the other party is free to ask for a severance. Read Matthew 19 vs 8. Under the human law, same thing applies. Since your health is also at stake here, you may want to give a deep thought to it. But whatever decision you take, PLEASE, keep your kids with you. Don't sign any custody to him. Please don't. He is using that statement to play with your emotions.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, if you want your marriage to work like you said, go to God in prayer. Scripture says, if you have faith, anything is possible: Mark 9:23. While you are at it, please use protection to avoid diseases. Specifically, your prayer point should be casting out the demon of sexual sin from him. But lead him to Christ first. Only God can change a person entirely. No one else. Check my profile for prayer of repentance you can lead him to pray. That's if you decide to stay.
You shouldn't be keeping such friends as the one you mentioned. God bless you.
Stop having sex with him unprotected.
ReplyDeleteStop having sex with him unprotected.
ReplyDeleteHe knows your mumu button and manipulating you with words, you don't even know what to do yet when you do you will do it perhaps by the time he infects you with HIV.
ReplyDeleteStella's advice is the best, not divorce but a separation, you will be surprised the perspective you will have when you are just out of that environment, it will also help with healing as i can imagine the toll the whole thing has taken on you emotionally.
You have the money, take actions! He will be shocked and you might be surprised the outcome. rent a different apartment for atleast 3 months and give him conditions that you both attend christian counselling and him therapy.
Dear Poster, if you are really tired of the marriage, you don't ask the man for divorce, you file for the divorce yourself. There's no law that said it's the man that must divorce the woman. I'm a lawyer by profession and I have lost count of how many times I have heard a supposedly well educated woman saying she was still in a bad and abusive marriage because "the man refused to divorce her". So you can stay in the marriage and continue treating infections (hopefully, you won't be infected with the incurable ones) or you can find your way out of a bad marriage. The choice is yours
ReplyDeleteShe is not tired of the marriage.
DeleteShe is tired of her husband's cheating behavior.
She wants approval of blog family to cheat with a side cock or side hen.
Just that at her age, professional level and financial status, any side cock is likely to be a toy boy for the money or another woman's husband or a man in one form of relationship with a woman except she is favoured to meet a widower or a divorcee whose ex wife has fully moved on.
I always ignore posts like this.
ReplyDeleteBecause the posters are not serious.
They just want to shout for shouting sake.
So when she is complaining to her ummuna as the long suffering wife that she is, she can present with pride the long list of things she has done to fight for her marriage.
See she even mentioned each and everything up there.
10 years of treating disease after disease. Your ponyor never tire? You never tire for the scratchi scratchi and foul odour.
Thay one never belleful you, you are waiting for HIV/AIDS as the martyr that you are?
If you were the one cheating, so you mean to tell me your husband would have been happy to treat himself for 10 years and tolerate such behaviour?
Issokay.
What happens when your husband meets all those girls that they have used to plus up that they are already breeding maggots in their torofi? And you still allow him to touch you. He doesn't disgust you?
More power to your ponyor mai dia.
You see that word cheating is too much now, even if you get a side cock who told you he can't cheat and still give you stds.
ReplyDeleteWhen you divorce him ,can you try and remain single cos with the rate of cheating outside now to get a non cheat hard and as a single mom, your selection pool is limited.
If emotionally you can't condone it, then separate for now.
But if you can emotionally take it, focus on other things that makes you happy, live like flatmates with him.
Don't go low to get a side cock that's nonsense. It doesn't worth it.
If you see how much labs are making from running infections tests, and how much antibiotics that are consumed by people on daily basis plus abortion pills for less than 30 mins of pleasure, you wonder what the future holds for all of us.
Focus on yourself and your kids. That's the best thing you can do for yourself right now
ReplyDeletePoster I don’t think your tired! When a person is really tired , they know what to do without asking.
ReplyDeleteNow your treating infections meaning your still sleeping with him and you know his cheating, so what happens when the infection becomes HIV or Herpes or Hepatitis?
You can’t be asking someone for divorce and still be sleeping with him, where is the boundaries?
I think you should stop being intimate with him to prove your point that it’s either he change or your out!
Secondly you can ask him for you both to be separated and see if you both can work on yourselves .
3rd please take care of your health so you can stay alive for your kids.
Lastly , you wear the shoes go with your gut on staying or leaving!
What if one day one of those infections cannot be cured. There is anibiotic resistant gonorrhea circulating at a rapid pace, there is still herpes which is incurable, chlamydia which can lead to infertility, not to mention the stress and embarrassment of dealing with stis and vaginal infections. Please madam, you signed up for a monogamous marriage, and you deserve to have one.
ReplyDeleteYou have been blessed financially and is in a better place than the vast majority of married women facing the same dilemma. Do as Stella says, separate and go find your peace. Take your children with you, do not leave them behind for anyone to come and illtreat them.
I don't think cheating is going to make you feel good because you do not have the heart of a cheater, so no point. Cheating is a character issue, either you are wired for it or not. On top, what if through your cheating you pick up something fatal, this world is very mysterious and when you have lived and seen some things you learn to leave those roads alone. Let your bicuriousity remain in your head. I am curious abour skydiving and I still haven't jumped out of a plane even though its been on my mind for 20+ years. Just because you think about something doesn't mean you have to do it. And do you want that experience as part of your history? Always think about the life memories you would love to have, if that isn't part of those memory wishes then don't even pursue it.
Yeah, Cheating is in the heart. If you dont have, you dont have it.
DeleteIf your hubby doesn't change,pls separate from him for awhile.you are already exposed to viral diseases which could lead you to an early grave.you need to stay alive and healthy for those lovely kids.continue praying for him and watch if he changes,if not,pls focus on your kids.goodluck!
ReplyDeleteI will not advise you to cheat because you can easily contract more STDs in your vulnerable state.
ReplyDeleteLeave that man, heal and start dating again. (Best option)
Or stay and move to another room, no sex. Face your kids. Give up on sex and intimacy.
Or stay, and be taking STD drug and high blood pressure drugs.
Or stay, heal, have a clear mind before any side boyfriend. Make sure your side boyfriend does periodic STD check (You need to be alive to care for your kids and husband) then continue to be the best wife so he won't suspect a thing. Always forgive him before he cheat. If you are still of a child bearing age, dash him an outside child and make sure he takes care of the child. Always comment how him and the outside child looks like twins. Let your darling husband be your profile picture always. Anytime you look at the outside child, it will make you to forgive him quickly. Your husband is a gamer and you must win him in his own game. If he continues the cheating, dash him another one. Ensure he opens account for the outside children.
Never ever tell anyone you are cheating on your husband- Condemn it publicly. Infact any movie they put on which shows women cheating, condemn it in front of your husband. Talk about a woman should not cheat because a man is cheating. Do not even let your friend or anyone know you are cheating. Be so dutiful that he won't suspect a thing. Don't get carried away. Please note , whenever you start cheating, he may become more attentive and then you are moved to confess. If your mouth ever itches you to confess, give your mouth a resetting slap. If he ever mentions DNA, tell him you want to do DNA. Don't run. If you run, they will say you are guilty. Encourage him. If he goes ahead to do it, deny and deny (Most men are too chicken to do it).
Tell him it is the hospital fault. If per adventure, he catches you red-handed (but I know you are smart), relocate with your kids with no word and don't ever beg or say a single word, let him wonder. He will reach out to know if he wasn't man enough, don't respond to his calls or message. Then he may try to reconcile.
Whew.
I am a lawyer, but when I hear people say they asked their spouse for divorce and he refused, I get confused. Consent is irrelevant in divorce proceedings in Nigeria, except in customary marriages or Islamic marriage.
ReplyDeleteYou simply file a divorce petition, the respondent is served the petition and the court proceeds to hear the case and gives a decision. Consent is irrelevant, so I don't understand you.
I know that giving up a relationship is hard, especially marriage. But you have to take steps that show you are serious. Get an apartment, even if nah one room and move out one day when he is not at home..let him come back to a house without you and the children. This is just to scare him. Your actions will make him know you are truly done.
Men loooooooove to test boundaries, they will stretch you up till your breaking point. You have threatened divorce, but he knows your words do not match your action, so he doesn't feel threatened yet. He will only feel threatened when you move out and maybe get a lawyer to file and serve him a divorce petition. If he is ready to save his home and do life with you, his actions will let you know.
Let him know your boundaries!!!!!!
Dear poster, please whatever you do don't go low like your husband. Never you allow the same gender put mouth for your Okolobo, you will always regret it. Ask for a separation and move out and start afresh.
ReplyDeleteYour friend will use it against you if you cheat.
ReplyDeleteStop telling him about divorce, act if you want. Stop having sex with him.