Hmm...
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
CONCERNED ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Dear BVs what do you think?.... I'm a 31yr old lady dating a guy of 36. We've been together for 10months now but he hasn't proposed or said anything concerning marriage.
Dear BVs what do you think?.... I'm a 31yr old lady dating a guy of 36. We've been together for 10months now but he hasn't proposed or said anything concerning marriage.
Our relationship is near perfection cos we understand each other and I know he truly cares. He has a good job and lives in a comfortable apartment but yet he says nothing concerning spending his life time with me.
I met a school mate at a wedding and he was happy to see me after years. He has been disturbing me for marriage because in his words, he says he has been liking me since our University days.
He says he likes how I behave but lacked the courage to talk to me then because I had a serious boyfriend. He's doing very well in his career and says the only thing he's lacking at the moment is a wife.
I love my boyfriend but I don't want to disturb him for marriage. I don't want a situation whereby tomorrow he may claim he wasn't ready for marriage and I pushed him. I don't want to lose out in both ways too, what do you guys think?.
Hmmmm your boyfriend may love you but ma not want to Marry you or may not be ready for Marriage....
Why dont you take him out for Dinner and ask him directly if he will Marry you?Tell him that you look forward to spending your life with him and dont want to assume that it is what he also wants...
If you dont want to go out then visit him and talk about it, there is no need keeping quiet and losing out on both sides... Before anything else find out their genotypes and yours and know which guy is safe to concentrate on...
For some, 10 months is enough time to know what they want in a relationship but for some 10 months is not enough time!
Good luck!
Keep praying and trusting God.
ReplyDeleteshe should not ask her bf his intention, will God be the one to tell her what the guy has in mind when she can simply ask him his intention and know her stand.
DeletePrayer is imp
DeleteTrust me, a man already knows within a month if he sees you as a wife or not. When a man wants you in his future, it is hard to hide it even if he has never talked about marriage before. I don't think your boyfriend is serious about you (a man can date you for 10 years while waiting for his Miss Right). If you have to ask, he is not that into you...
DeleteKindly sit your boyfriend down and tell him that you are ready to settle down and want to do this in the next one year. Hear his response. If positive, tell him he must get acquitted with your people and you with his. If negative, kindly withdraw from the relationship and move on with the other guy but try to know more about him first.
ReplyDeleteNothing wrong in asking your boyfriend what he thinks about spending life together as married a couple.
ReplyDeleteSome guys date a woman with intention not to marry her but won't let her know. They just live normal having the belief she will leave once she's tired. The earlier for you asking your boyfriend his intentions towards you, the better. After all, there's nothing married folks are doing you guys are not doing except making the relationship official and formal.
Good luck.
I’m sure he dey bang am well well and she dey do wifey things. Poster you better give yourself some sense. You’re 31. Please Sit down with him and ask him questions and decide if you’ll move on with this relationship or not. See how the other guy tells you his mind and intentions immediately about settling down and marrying you. Most men know what they want. The ones dating for 5, 10 years and they eventually settle down means he didn’t see better option or on rare occasions, he’s in school or not financially ready to marry. 10 months is more than enough time to know what you both want in this relationship. Be wise.
DeletePoster Stella has given you good advice.
ReplyDeleteGbam!
DeletePoster at 31 years u shouldn't be dating time wasters. Ask him point blank what's plan for the relationship,no need of saying u don't wanna act desperate. Abeeg ask him to him define the relationship direction and if he's not serious dump him for someone more ready for commitment. Any lady above 28 years going into relationship should ask the guy to define it from the beginning before venturing into it. There's nothing like desperation here. Or is it after the guy don chop clean mouth come begin form I'm not ready for marriage that u will start shouting men are scum? Lay your card at the table. Ask questions about where the relationship is heading to and if you're not satisfied with his answers u bounce. There's no crime in asking ooh. See this one now no direction whatever after 10 months.
ReplyDeleteKisses to you 😘 asking questions about the relationship doesn’t mean you’re desperate. You wan make he continue to get the benefit of a wifey without making necessary efforts and decisions?? Especially at 31? no oo lailai. When a girl keeps pestering the guy after letting his intentions known is desperate behavior.
DeleteAbi oo. A whole 10 months! That’s a full term developed baby in a woman’s belle. Nne talk to him asap else you’ll end up losing both men.
DeleteAfter Dating for a few months,be bold enough to ask what the next step is;if he wants "Knacks" then state;if its marriage then state..
ReplyDeleteWhats the essence of dating and all if you cant state what you want?
There is nothing like being shy except you enjoy wasting your time or living in the moment..
Yesterday's chronicle doesnt want a child;some too dont want marriage or just enjoying the sex(if there is) till they find someone good enough to wife(according to them)..
Perhaps,a man that wants to wife you hardly hides it,it shows in their words and action that there is a plan for marriage at that nearest future.
Dont waste your time;know where you stand..
@MARTINS
I'd already made my comment before seeing this don't mind some ladies why won't you be able to discuss things like this abi is just to fuck and collect money you people know. Be wasting your time you think you are still 21 i don't mean this as an insult but you won't compare a girl of 21 to 31 almost 10 years difference so you see that is a lot.
DeleteAlmost 10 year difference ke? That’s a 10 year difference gbako. As in 10 yearsss. A 10 year old child knows his left from right at this age.
DeleteI pray for God's directions 🙏 🙌 upon you as you have a heart to heart discussion with your boyfriend..
ReplyDeleteBest of luck 👍
Let me tell you my own story. I met my husband in 2013, but i turned him to a friend. and continued dating other guys. In 2017, i met and fell in love with one guy, that relationship was so perfect, there was nothing i wanted that i didn't get. So tey, i was thanking God for that guy. we dated for 2 years and i got a good job. Eventually, i started realizing, that my boyfriend was not talking about engagement or marriage despite the fact that our families knew each other and his family were already calling me ''Iyawo wa''.
ReplyDeleteI decided to sit guyman down and ask him ''how far''. Perfect relationship turned sour immediately. Within a few months, the relationship packed up.
But, God allowed me to meet my husband again after 7 years and we rekindled the friendship with my husband and friendship turned into Marriage within a year.
If i had not asked that my ex boyfriend ''how far'', he would have continued to string me along and i would have never met my husband. The relationship might have gone on for years and led to nowhere and i would have lost on both sides.
Sometimes as women, we have to take the initiative and ask these men, to avoid time wastage and regret in the future.
Gbam. Poster, take the bull by the horns and ask him. People say " the person that ask questions no dey miss road. Good luck.
DeleteGbam!! Same thing as mine, he said, and I quote «’’ Am I God, to know and to Decide if we should end up together. Go and ask God.’’
DeleteLeft that relationship and met my husband immediately.
stay there and don't talk to your boyfriend and know your stand because you don't want to appear desperate, time is flying discuss with him and ask him if his not ready to take the relationship to the next level in fact when you have this conversation watch his body language and listen to the unspoken words don't be carried away by emotions or be blinded by stupid promises. don't put all your eggs in one basket yet ask the both of them questions and choose from there. Goodluck
ReplyDeletestay there and don't talk to your boyfriend and know your stand because you don't want to appear desperate, time is flying discuss with him and ask him if his not ready to take the relationship to the next level in fact when you have this conversation watch his body language and listen to the unspoken words don't be carried away by emotions or be blinded by stupid promises. don't put all your eggs in one basket yet ask the both of them questions and choose from there. Goodluck
ReplyDeleteposter do not ignore this comment.
DeleteIf you are ready for marriage, marry whom is ready. I'm all for basking in the moment because, someone who wanna marry you won't waste time knacking and realigning your waist for over a year, except he doesn't really love you or ain't ready emotionally, mentally and financially.
ReplyDeletePlease discuss with him about where the relationship is leading you both, you can even tell him about the other guy and his intentions, if he's not ready for marriage now, you can marry the second guy, no time , before you lose both sides
ReplyDeleteI was onced in this situation. I love my then bf but he hadn't talked about marriage for once and he loved and cared for me,our relationship was just perfect. Then boom I met a guy who wanted to marry me the next day. I was confused. So one day I was with my bf relaxing,then I asked him if he would want to marry me. He told me that he would love to marry me but he wasn't ready now bla bla bla. My dear that was how I waka jeje o. Today I'm married to the other guy and we've been together for 5yrs and no regrets.
ReplyDeleteSo dear poster,ask him what are his plans for you.
you did the right thing, if a lady is ripe or ready to settle down you should not be in any relationship where you don't know your faith.
DeleteNo matter what you decide,never you rush into a marriage without properly knowing your partner well enough.
ReplyDeleteSince your bf's time plan doesn't align with yours,consider the other guy but court him first.
Gbam!
DeletePoster no let desperation make you enter one chance marriage o
Patiently wait for your guy to do the needful or have a heart to heart talk with him
ReplyDeleteI dont understand how desperation came about.
ReplyDeleteYou enter car, ask Driver abeg where we dey go.
Boya driver sef no know where e dey go and e just carry you make e no sleep for steering.
Too many time wasters abound.
Better ask what his plans are for the future and be ready to delete any time water.
This is 2022 not 1905.
You are so direct! I love you
DeletePls take some time to pray over this cos marriage is for a lifetime.speak to your current boyfriend concerning marriage,then you know the next step to take.
ReplyDeleteAsk your boyfriend this evening. Don't delay.
ReplyDeleteGbam. As in today…. Right now
DeleteAt 31yrs you can’t define your relationship? Na wa oo.
ReplyDeleteAll you people do is fuck fuck fuck not engage in meaningful conversation and communicate with each other.
ASK HIM ! Ask him point blank ! What you’re and what the future holds for you two !
Lady MorgiannE
God bless you for this comment!
DeleteHahahaha🤣🤣🤣 na only fuck they know oo. can you imagine she can’t even communicate her needs. Na wa o
Deleteposter you and your bf should have a heart to heart discussion about your future with each and do not assume he will marry you when he hasn't say so. Please learn to always define your relationship from the onset to avoid stories like this.
ReplyDelete10 months is a enough time to have define your relationship with your bf than now that you are confuse in the relationship. I will also say that your school mate please just keep him as a friend and try to learn him to also understand if he is the kind of person you would want to be with. If you are with a man for 6 months and you both are ripe for marriage, please always ask questions to understand where you belong and if is time to walk away.
Love is not enough for a man to ask you to marry him. you also need to put a watch over him to be sure another girl is not the main chick while you are the side chick.
The mistake most single people make "I love my gf/bf but I don't want to disturb him/her about marriage." My you better disturb now so you know where you stand. You're not a child. When both of you decide to fvck (if you do) do you see it as disturbance??? My dear if marriage is on your mind please talk about it. He might live you but not wish to get married. Many people out there don't wish to get married. To them relationships are for fun. I call them bachelor/spinster Solomon.
ReplyDeletePlease have the discussion and study the outcome
Una two dey relationship, relationship dey carry Una two where you no know you just Sidon balance. Balance ooo maybe na breakfast dem go serve you make you chop belle full. If you cry finish your eye go clear
ReplyDeletePls don’t sit him down and tell him anything but continue to know each other.for some people,10 months is not enough and for others,all it takes is a week.marriage is for the rest of your life so what’s the rush?do not let society or some guy that ur seeing after several years force you into an unhappy marriage
ReplyDeleteOsigini?
DeletePlease poster,have a conversation with him about it,to me it's not even about sounding desperate but knowing your stand in the relationship,wether you have already met someone else or not,from time to time it's important in a relationship for people to evaluate things and know where they stand,not just dating blindly.
ReplyDeletePlease poster do this asap,ten months is more than enough time to know what he wants,even if he doesn't want to get married this year, atleast know if he even has plans to and if it's with you or someone else,dnt let nobody waste your time .
Poster I understand your situation.
ReplyDeleteBut first of, you have to ask you bf the fate of your relationship. Is it alter bound? What’s the time frame. If his replies suit you, then chill because you’ve already known 80% of him which you love.
But if the replies no gel with your plans for your life, give the other one a chance and dont forget to study him.
All I want to add is that, no matter the outcome of the convo btw u and ur boyfriend, don't because of ur age rush and marry this other guy. Get to know him as well. See if u fall in love with him or can love him. Remember, marriage is supposed to be a lifetime commitment
ReplyDeleteGbam! No rush poster. Boyfriend might even be planning a proposal, cos to me 10months is not too long. But since you desire marriage, better ask him his plans than die in silence. Don't be ashamed to ask, no be crime. Dear women, let go of unnecessary shame.
DeleteFind a way to discourse this marriage thing with him Coa you must not loose out on both ways o.
ReplyDeletePray about it.
Maybe you can even start seeing both of them together. I don't mean start sleeping with both o. Get to know that old school mate again, cos someone you knew 5yrs ago may bot be same person tomorrow, so have some
Pray about it.
A man of 36yrs that is comfortable and doesn't talk of marriage is a red flag, he must have reasons and that may include the fact he doesn't see you as wife material.
Some of these men can be funny.
Be smart babe
As your boyfriend his intentions towards you , there is no harm in trying to know , Also do not rush into any relationship with this new guy , the way marriages are breaking these days ehh, you shouldn't rush into anything ,even people that know themselves still end up breaking up then imagine those that are strangers to each other.
ReplyDeletePoster, as your boyfriend isn't talking about marriage, why you not bring up the discussion and hear his own point? And just as Stella said check for their both jenotypes it is very important so it won't be waste of time.
ReplyDeleteA 31 year old lady is dating a man who is pushing 40 and she is indifferent as to finding out whether he wants to marry her or not.
ReplyDeleteYou may be likened to a person who boarded a friendly and kind driver's car, but the problem is that you may both be headed in different directions.
It is better to find out early if you are headed for the same destination, so that you can sit tight and enjoy the ride without anxiety or disembark before it is too late.
My male friend got married last weekend to a girl he began dating at the beginning of the year, despite still dating his main girlfriend whom he had dated for about 3 years. I asked him why he didn't marry the previous girl, he said it was God's will, when I pressed further, he said from the very beginning he never planned on marrying her. Yet he dated her, allowed her host his birthday parties, showed her off as babe/wifey and even cohabited for short periods at intervals with her.
You are the driver of your life, you cannot sit and hand control of your life to another person.
Gosh!!!! How does asking a man questions like:
1. When do you plan on settling down/ What is your timeline for marriage ?
2 . Do you want to / plan on marrying me? When?
3. When do you want to start introducing me to your family and meeting mine?
How do the above questions translate to forcing him to marry you? If you ask him and he says No, will you force him to marry you? Do you have powers to force him to marry you?
Don't even beat around the bush, ask the questions pointedly with a straight face. Let him not even see the questions coming.
Take charge of your life and stop being timid
I used to be shy about asking a man when he plans on settling down, so I dated a person for almost 6 years without any guarantee of marriage and I am there getting older. Most of the other men who asked me out at the time are all married with kids now.
Truth is that as a woman gets older, her options begins to thin. Man are attracted to youthful beauty, so when you hit your 30s, you enter competition with beautiful ladies who are 24 and above.
If your relationship will break despite how amazing it is, let it better break now than later. If you have to date another guy if this relationship fails, you may have to date for almost a year, before the guy makes up his mind about marriage. You don't have the luxury of time, stop acting like you do.
After I had dated that guy for years, he told me that he respects women who open their mouth to clearly state what they want in a relationship and their timeline.
Better open your mouth and do it quickly, so that you can plan your life accordingly.
Poster, just ask him what his plans for the future are.
ReplyDeleteposter, you can start with, l wish to start a family or l want to have my own kids, just drop this when you guys are discussing....make sure you keep a smiling face during this conversation.
ReplyDeletewith a better offer on the table? please be bold enough to question the old order....it is a win win situation for you. you definitely know what you want, choose what makes you happy.
ReplyDelete