Hmm...
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
ALWAYS SAYING NO TO HUBBY
So I have not been having s#x with hubby for a long time now. He Is a good man but without a Job and he's been job hunting. The stress of carrying the family and business challenges is weighing me down. So many bills to sort out. I don't feel anything anymore, I'm not even wet down there.
ALWAYS SAYING NO TO HUBBY
So I have not been having s#x with hubby for a long time now. He Is a good man but without a Job and he's been job hunting. The stress of carrying the family and business challenges is weighing me down. So many bills to sort out. I don't feel anything anymore, I'm not even wet down there.
He begs me for it and I always refuse. I feel so bad about it but can't do anything. This life no easy. God help us. Please am I a bad person?
No is No!.....LOL
He should understand and give you time.. This is what also happened to some men saddled with plenty responsibilities but the wives accuse them of cheating....
No you are not a bad person, it is better than allowing him and faking it and then you might get pregnant ...
God bless you for all you do!
But wait oh, so your husband still get mind wan nack inside all these problems?
Was hubby a good man when he had money?
ReplyDeleteIf yes, pls allow him have sex.
It's not easy to be sex starved.
Try and put yourself in the mood or watch porn to help you. You can also take natural aphrodisiacs like Gorontula or Tsimi.
It really helps.
Firstly Poster, I must commend you for taking up the financial responsibilities all alone. May God Almighty have mercy and favour your hubby with a good job, May God bless and enlarge your coast like Jabez in Jesus name Amen. Now to the matter, His still your husband please pity him biko. Sex is also good for you too. it will help reduce stress and pain. Why not text him to get the bath ready for you, Fragrance oil to massage you & help put you in the mood, get a bottle of wine to drink while you are getting pampered. Please forget all the financial burden for that evening and enjoy yourself. To be honest poster, You really need it Please. From the bottom of my heart, i hope God comes through for you and family. You are Amazing
DeleteIt’s not an easy situation because all you would be calculating is money, you are human to be exhausted but you know your husband, you know he doesn’t deserve it.
DeleteYou have to speak to him to be understanding and give you a little time to adjust.
Make sure you pray together for God to show up for you.
Push up (original)
Poster,you are not a bad person but what you are doing is bad. I totally understand that stress and all that has erased your sex drive hence the constant No,but you really have to try your best to satisfy your husband sexual desire. It doesn't have to be all the time,occasionally will suffice. Even if you don't want the love making,do it for him or don't you love him anymore because he is broke? Your husband may be feeling you don't love him anymore cos he I broke and when he regains his feet financially,the damage done may be too much to repair. A word is enough for the wise oh.
DeleteThere was a period I was on a medication that effectively put me into menopause at age 38. My sex-drive was totally zero as the medication shuts down the reproductive system for a couple of months. I was TTC. My husband still needed sex and I just had to look for a way around it cos it's not just about me now. Alcohol or red wine and a little bit of soft porn plus some mind-work put me in the mood enough for us to make love occasionally until the drugs wore off and my reproductive hormones got back in sync. Now we are back to normal and it's all good.
What I am saying is,please don't let this temporary situation cause a situation in your marriage that may take a toll on it for the worse. God will help you and make a way for your husband soonest.
Stella na the consolation be that o.
ReplyDeletePoster atimes allow him because of depression.
🙆🙆🙆🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeleteSo, depression dey happen if person no f*uck?
This bv na waoooo..lol
😂😂😂😂 Stella na money he no get, machine still dey work..man na man
ReplyDeleteWhy the man no go knack. Please give him small. It is his right. I know things are hard. God will make a way for both of you. Don't deny him. Tell him how you feel, he can make amends.
ReplyDeleteDon't deny your husband his right
In marriage, sex is a right to every partner involved and shouldn't be used as a weapon by anyone except in cases where one is incapacitated. I can understand that the work load on you had made you mentally checked out, but you can't continue to refused him of his right. At least make time for him to have his way once in a while and also explain to him what the issue is, so it doesn't sound like you are doing it on purpose because he has no job or money.
ReplyDeleteAbegi, she is doing it on purpose. Her post says it and that's why it was sent to get validation or to get candid sincere way mending advice
DeleteAhn ahn her husband is a human being with healthy urges and needs oh. She should just back him making sure to use protection.
ReplyDeleteIs it possible to have a heart to heart discussion with him, letting out how you feel in a respectful way while pointing out how it is affecting you mentally, emotionally and sexually. If he really wants to help, he would think things through and try to pick up the slack. We all know the country not making things easy for anyone but he just us to try.
ReplyDeleteWelldone 🤗
Stella make the man get small joy na…😁😁😁😁
ReplyDeleteMadam I don’t think refusing your husband sex is fair. It is not and he will remember how you treated him when he was down financially. You said he is a good man so why are you hoarding yourself from him? You think some women out there don’t want a good man whether broke or not? If you love him, you will make him and yourself happy. If you don’t want kids yet it is totally ok to have protected sex or use contraceptives afterwards.
Please make love to your husband. (That is if you love him whether there’s money or not) assure him that you love him and that you will be always be there. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t push him to do more (hustle)
🖊️
What of if you are the one in need of it and your spouse is saying No! Marriage is more than feelings and emotions. Marriage is more than who is footing the bills at a particular time. There must be somethings he could assist in doing to alleviate the stress. Can you please put yourself in his shoes. When you were saying "I do", what do you think you were doing... please stop
ReplyDeleteStellar u never hear say na broke men de nack pass, lol
ReplyDeletePoster it's well o, may God come through for you
E no easy eh ehhehh in @Psquare voice..
ReplyDeletePoster so sorry about your stress and troubles.
Those who are couples pls suggest a solution to poster, maybe she needs to take a little break and relax amd pamper herself a lil bit.
Can't your husband join you in the business atleast to reduce your stress?
That way you might be able to balance things and maybe eventually get into the mood.
You are not a bad person but consider your husband, he is human and has needs. Pls don't push him to go look for satisfaction of his needs elsewhere. If he does you will not be happy. You will still be the one to write chronicles that your broke hubby is cheating on you.
ReplyDeleteGod will open his way and bless him but how you treat him now will determine the treatment you will get.
E no easy eh ehhehh in @Psquare voice..
ReplyDeletePoster so sorry about your stress and troubles.
Those who are couples pls suggest a solution to poster, maybe she needs to take a little break and relax amd pamper herself a lil bit.
Can't your husband join you in the business atleast to reduce your stress?
That way you might be able to balance things and maybe eventually get into the mood.
It's always broke poor people that have unrestrained libido, I wonder why.
ReplyDeletePhilosopher don drop quote
DeleteThe answer to you question is in her chronicle. She's very busy making money, hence the low libido due to stress and no time or too tired to think sex. That's how it is for the supposed rich people.
DeleteIt's the broke ones that have some time to think about sex
@19:58
DeleteWhat about the rich men who are known to be women men.
I know one. He died as a billionaire. He himself said once that he liked women and sx. No bi Dem say. I heard it from his mouth. He married more than 5 wives.
No you are not a bad person but you should have a talk with him and explain things to him. Let him know you still love him but the desire for sex is just not there so he should exercise patience for you.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you need to stop stressing yourself. It looks like you are stressed. Find a way to live within your means and still at peace.
No poster , you are not bad. He should understand that Sex is the last thing you guys need.
ReplyDeleteBetween me and hubby , it's a mutual understanding, we haven't had sex in the last 3months . Some things has to be in place first.
Hmmm
DeleteAre you sure it's not onlyyou that has not had sex for 3 months so? A whole 3 months ? Husband man may be helping himself outside oh
DeleteHaaaaaaaa
DeleteFind a way to manage it. Your husband is taking mental note of everything and will reciprocate in kind. Men are less forgiven when they sense slight and belittle. By the time he starts work and you expect it or reach out to him, your continuous refusal now which is accumulating in his mind and head might turn to resentment and then, complaints will be yours.
ReplyDeleteSome women tend to forgive this kind of things "in the name of the family", but most men don't easily forgive and forget while going their normal family routine once "disrespected ".
Sex is a physiological need and some people even include in the Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. I understand how you feel but konji na bastard. If he’s a good man like you mentioned, then be intimate with him. Abi you never hear of poor man wey still dey cheat on top the poverty? Keep trusting God for your husband and pray for him. Use birth control to avoid pregnancy for now. Things will get better dear.
ReplyDeleteNa money and work your hubby no get for now but hope still dey, abeg allow Oga small nah,not good ooo and I don't support you,,
ReplyDeleteGive oga small to cool tension.
Thanks for this....I don't understand what is wrong with some people, because he is jobless now, ur feelings for him has dried up abi and u claim he is a good man abi?
ReplyDeleteChai poster please pity him if his is a good man,i perfectly understand how you feel.
ReplyDeleteI know money and support makes women very wet but remember how things are in this our country.
You can sip some good red wine and get in the mood sometimes, lack of sex does strong thing to marriage.
"Am I a bad person?" Yes! Ndi marriage sef. Lol. "Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control" ( 1 Cor 7:3, 5 ).
ReplyDeleteWhat if the situation was to be reversed? You are job hunting and your husband decides you don't get what is due you because you don't have a job. What if that? How would you feel? You even said he is a good person, so what does it take from you? At least, it may not be regular like before but complete starvation? Chick no!
You know how important sex is to men. You are making that man feel worthless which is not good for your marriage. You don't know what can happen tomorrow. God can bless him so much that your own wealth may not be up to his tithe. And then you may not know that he has all your ill treatment bottled up and he decides to revenge. The next chronicle will be "after all I've done for him".
Please let no week pass by without making out with your husband. If you feel stressed, take a warm bath, sleep and get rejuvenated, then wake up for it later. Please. About not having feelings: it is from your mind. You have unconsciously told yourself that he doesn't deserve sex since he's not contributing. Untell yourself that. Don't spoil your marriage with your own hands. God bless you.
Poster better listen to this
DeleteNever deny your husband sex because he doesn’t have money
He would never forget how you treated him
You’re making him worthless and making him not have anything at all to look forward too.
He feels small already, don’t further debase him
Mma Nwachukwu
Poster allow him have his right once in a while, i totally understand your feeling but he is still your husband.
ReplyDeleteThis matter dey somehow...One need to consider the aftermath of the above attitude ooooo..
ReplyDeleteBeing jobless is not permanent, it's just temporary.
MADAM, marriage is beyond this money issue we are talking about now.
I am still learning shaaaa
If you had said your refusal was due to low libido or issues in the marriage, you might have had my sympathy. I know it's not easy being the sold breadwinner but sex shouldn't be tied to one's ability to provide. Many men are breadwinners with wives as housewives but they still make out time to satisfy their partners. You make it seem transactional. You already said he is a good man so tell him how you feel. Even the bible says we should delight in each other's bodies.
ReplyDeleteBut seriously, how konji no dey catch you? 🙄
Please don't deny him s*x all the time,it's not good at all .You may push him to get satisfaction outside.
ReplyDeletePoster I feel your pains.its not easy carrying the financial burden of the home.may God continue to strengthen women like you.this man is still married to you and you both are living together.As you stated,he's a good man and unable to get a job which means he is trying to get one.you shouldn't destroy your marriage cos some men can get frustrated with attitude like this and start keeping relationship with rich, single,desperate ladies out there,who will do anything to ensure they are able to keep a good man like your hubby.pls relax and give your man some time to get a good job.Also pray for him and your home as well.
ReplyDeleteStella so broke men shouldn't knack again, no nah.
ReplyDeleteAll these people advisors won't be there when your husband impregnated another lady once he get small money then you will see the foolishness of your doing legalised ashewo confirmed ,money for hand ,back for ground.
ReplyDeleteNne collect xxx ooo. E go help you relieve the stress.
ReplyDeleteProblem no dey finish
Denying her husband sex because he is job hunting is cheer wickedness. Nobody knows tomorrow. If gets a good job tomorrow, and cheats to get back at you, you will definitely feel bad and hurt.
ReplyDeleteMadam DO NOT deny him your body instead pray for him to get a job to help you. A wise woman builds her home
Your prayer will change a lot of things in your home
Poster pls put urself in his position,if he refuses to have sex with u how would u feel? If u are d unemployed one u would report him everywhere saying he is cheating.so u can't use condoms if ur afraid of pregnancy?haba ur nt being fair at all.stop using sex as a weapon so bcos he is presently unemployed he shouldn't have his due?but u said he is job hunting.when he gets a good job and decides to pay u bk for d illtreatment wat would u say?stop wrecking ur home with ur own hands .and yes,ur a bad person.
ReplyDeletePoster pls put urself in his position,if he refuses to have sex with u how would u feel? If u are d unemployed one u would report him everywhere saying he is cheating.so u can't use condoms if ur afraid of pregnancy?haba ur nt being fair at all.stop using sex as a weapon so bcos he is presently unemployed he shouldn't have his due?but u said he is job hunting.when he gets a good job and decides to pay u bk for d illtreatment wat would u say?stop wrecking ur home with ur own hands .and yes,ur a bad person.
ReplyDeletePls don't neglect that part of your marriage, it very important. Apologize and resume your conjugal duties, it helps relieve stress.
ReplyDeleteI dunno. I understand you are being stressed but I still don’t think that’s enough reason to say no all the time. At least maybe try and remember the good old days and see if this can get u in the mood.
ReplyDeleteDo not forget that sex is also a very vital part of marriage. Reverse the situation and see if you will be okay with ur husband turning down ur sexual advances
No my darling,you're not a bad person.
ReplyDeleteSex shouldn't be compromised,it should be a mutual feeling and if you don't feel like it,tell him about it with reasons.A good husband will understand and work towards relieving you of the problem behind your lack of interest,instead of steady asking for what should come naturally and freely.
Madam nawa for you
ReplyDeleteYour husband is lazy joor just stop covering up for him that he is job hunting. If job is not coming your husband can start some business, you can support him with little capital and he will start something.
ReplyDeleteYour husband can learn skills, your husband can become a fashion designer, a teacher, selling fast food, dry cleaning business, mechanic, selling of wines, selling moi moi at a good junction especially in the evening time.
Your husband should not allow bills kill you cos you are working. He should stop being lazy with the topic hunting for jobs and look for something little to help the family. Assuming you are not working what will become of you both.
Poster you cannot be wet when you have so much bills to pay and just maybe your salary is nothing to write home about. You are not a bad person at all, just tell j to give you some time to get your emotions intact before you can think of sex. Who no get money dey find fu**
Lastly, I hope you have communicated your predicament to him on a lovely and calm manner before you are here crying. Is possible Oga doesn't know what you are going through.
I might be wrong but I don’t think the problem is that she isn’t attracted to her husband because he is unemployed. She may be exhausted with work and also very stressed by their financial situation and therefore not in the mood. When I am overworked and facing stress and anxiety at work, sex is the last thing on my mind. The husband should find ways to help with the stress while he is looking for a job. He could help out more with household chores, give her massages etc. There are other ways of showing love and appreciation than money.
ReplyDeleteYou're right 👍
DeleteExactly
DeleteExactly
DeleteSome ppl just cannot have sex if they are stressed out and tired. The poster seems to be carrying a heavy load which is breaking her back and to add relations to it just seems to be more demands being placed on her. Bodies are not made of steel and stone and there is only so much a body can take.
ReplyDeleteHow is the mister helping? Is he doing laundry, housework, cooking, going to stand up in the long lines to make sure things get done, facing the heat of the days so his wife doesn't have to? It seems like he is not doing anything to help lighten her load whatsoever. He has to help her more in some tangible way to make her feeling for him come back.
Poster, you have to speak to him about what you need. You have to speak the truth. Bad times shouldn't bring discontent between spouses. Please let him know how he can help you so you are not so burdened and you can see him in a new light and the desire can come back.
Please allow him once in a while na, haba, marriage is all about compromise, even if you're not in the the mood that one time, just manage, allow him. Konji get as e be
ReplyDeleteAbeg madam you're a bad person. You're a very terrible person. Denying your husband sex because he's jobless is very wicked of you. It's not as if you're telling us that he's a bad man or something. He's jobless and jobhunting. He should now kill himself as he's not finding any job? What happens when he gets a job tomorrow, because he will get a job? Your wetness will automatically resume abi?
ReplyDeleteSome of you are really bad people that just like kicking someone that's already down. Making your husband feel useless cos he's jobless🤦
I don't like this.
You don't understand until you're in her shoes. I'm currently in that position, and it's not easy. You can't even have the urge one bit. Financial crisis is the worst in marriage
DeleteFidel, she's stressed and not because he's job hunting 🤷. When you're stressed day in, day out do you feel the urge to have sex?
DeleteYou’re a very terrible person for the way you have responded to this poster. Some of you are so quick to speak on tbings just because you haven’t been there. So annoying
DeletePoster you are not a bad person. You’re human and it’s ok to feel the way you do. Since you said your husband is a good person, perhaps discuss with him how to ease your stress even if you’re the one handling finances. So maybe he can do chores and then you handle bills? Or whatever works for you both. That way you can resume relations slowly even if not as often.
Some women feel this way including some of the loud mouths bashing you. But they won’t come out to speak
This here is why many men resent the women that “struggled” with them when they eventually “make it”. Troubles will go eventually, most people remember how you treated them during the crisis more than the crisis itself. There was a time I made twice my husband’s income. We bought our first house with my money down, nobody knew about it. He overtook me in income but will buy me anything he can afford because I never used my higher income during that period to humiliate him. You think you are working for “the family” and you are working, I get it but you are growing apart. Don’t be surprised if by the time he gets a very good job he already got a side chic and then what? I’m glad many on the blog are advising you right, that it’s NOT good to deny your spouse his or her due without consent of both of you. At least try.
DeleteMadam, your libido has died cos your husband is now jobless. Let me put it straight. Yes, u are bad.
ReplyDeleteAbeg where una dey see husband when dey let una sleep when he wants sex? Some months back this was me although my husband wasn’t unemployed but his pay is so poor it puts me off, sex became an issue because I was always stressed at work and even I say no he pesters me till I give in and I’m lying on my back feeling irritated and just thinking about when he’ll be done and get off me because sex became a chore.
ReplyDeleteIf I were your husband, I will remove you from the house as soon as I find my feet.
ReplyDeleteYou are denying your husband sex now. If he start making money and decide to go out for sex...you will start writing stupid chronicles.
ReplyDeleteYou are showing to your husband that his only worth to you is to provide money.
Tomorrow...if he decides to treat you the same exact way don't feel bad ó.
Funny how all these women on the blog are claiming you are not a bad person.
Sigh...I don't even know which world iná dey live in
I'm definitely sure you will send a lengthy chronicle by the time your husband is back on his feet. The dangerous advice Stella gave you will hunt you forever if you take to it.
ReplyDeleteBecause he's broke you lost respect and interest in him, hmmmmm. If the reverse was the case, will you be happy to receive the same treatments you are dishing out to him? Think twice please.
God bless you for these comment, may your home remain blessed
DeleteNo Stella, she should give him some sex. Hopefully, their situation will improve soon.
ReplyDeleteThis is so sad, some women are so selfish, just because the man is temporary down, the wife now sees it as an excuse to deny the man his conjugal right? this is so so wrong and any woman that thinks otherwise, including you Stella, I am honestly disappointed at your opinion, just imagine its your brother who has fallen on hard times and the wife now uses this as an excuse to deny him his conjugal right! this is one of the reasons marriages don't last anymore.
ReplyDeleteShould the man's situation changes tomorrow and he changes, you will all come out screaming men are scum, but you all built the foundation. Woman, please do not use sex as a woman as it is what you are doing now.