STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
How can you just see your wife who is so hard working and then you don't even want to match their effort. The worst part is that he wants everything big.
It makes it so difficult for me to respect him. I am everything.. I am the provider and everything for the family and it is exhausting.
Regarding lying, the worst part is that he will swear that he is telling the truth and yet still be lying. I have made up my mind to leave the marriage that’s blessed with two kids. I am agreeing to share custody of the kids and make it a peace process but I would like to know if anybody here is married to a lying spouse.
DISHONEST AND LAZY HUSBAND
Stella and fellow Bvs. I need your opinion please. I know nobody is perfect but I’ve always treated my husband with dignity and respect and honesty.
My husband on the other hand is very very dishonest.
My husband on the other hand is very very dishonest.
He lies to me about everything. We have been married for 10 years now and it was in the 5th year of marriage that I found out so many things he lied to me about before we got married.
As much as it will be nice to hold on to good memories, I can’t help but wonder what else there is that he has not told me about. Everything he tells me, I always think the opposite is true.
Another thing is that he is lazy. He lied about being a contractor and having things going for himself. Only to find out it was all lies. No wahala nau. People lie and fix up after but mehn I have been trying to help this man but he just doesn't have it in him.
Stella my husband is lazy. Any contract or job I try to help him with, he says it is not what he wants to do. I practically have to beg him to pity me. The only time he took working seriously was when I threatened to leave.
Why are people like this??
How can you just see your wife who is so hard working and then you don't even want to match their effort. The worst part is that he wants everything big.
It makes it so difficult for me to respect him. I am everything.. I am the provider and everything for the family and it is exhausting.
Regarding lying, the worst part is that he will swear that he is telling the truth and yet still be lying. I have made up my mind to leave the marriage that’s blessed with two kids. I am agreeing to share custody of the kids and make it a peace process but I would like to know if anybody here is married to a lying spouse.
How did you deal with it?
Please don’t tell me nobody is perfect. Yes, we are all imperfect but it should not excuse these things. I don’t know who I am married to anymore.
Please don’t tell me nobody is perfect. Yes, we are all imperfect but it should not excuse these things. I don’t know who I am married to anymore.
I am so scared. I don’t love him anymore and have mentally and emotionally checked out.
I feel so betrayed and shattered. How do people lie to people they choose to spend their lives with. Is it normal?
Aah God!! If he was even hard working, I would have used that to cancel the lies. But omo I just can't look at him the same anymore.
Is anybody going through/has gone through this? How did you handle this? I know nobody will tell me to leave the marriage but I can't imagine continuing like this. I can take care of the kids by myself but trying to raise a man I didn't give birth to is so draining. Sometimes some people need a little push but omo this one pass push o. Funny thing is that this is for his own good o.
Stella abeg use red pen. BVs console your babe. I don tire
Thanks Stella.
Is anybody going through/has gone through this? How did you handle this? I know nobody will tell me to leave the marriage but I can't imagine continuing like this. I can take care of the kids by myself but trying to raise a man I didn't give birth to is so draining. Sometimes some people need a little push but omo this one pass push o. Funny thing is that this is for his own good o.
Stella abeg use red pen. BVs console your babe. I don tire
Thanks Stella.
WOW... i could practically feel your frustration reading this....
Please you dont need my permission or red pen to do what gives you peace of mind, if you have checked out then please leave, this kind of frustration can make you start insulting him and he begins to beat you up...Try separating for a while first to see if it will bring any changes, if not then you move finally....
This life is too short abeg, living like this for what? Arrrrrgh
Madam, you are free to take any decision that will benefit you and the kids.
ReplyDeleteHe is only lazy because he knows you will always be there to take responsibility of the house. I bet you, if you move out today, he will surely sit up.
Don't end up being a bitter woman. Live for yourself and your kids and leave him to sort himself out or else you will grow old fast and start having wrinkles even before you age. Show him the hard way.
Sorry poster. 🤗. Everything will be fine, OK?
ReplyDeleteThis one no be husband abeg,try separation first
ReplyDeleteYou have pushed him enough and it is obvious he doesn’t want to man up. For your health’s sake, please leave that man.
ReplyDeleteYou have kids to raise. If anything happens to you, I’m 💯 certain he’ll pass the kids around to relatives who will eventually make life unbearable for them.
You’ve read and heard heartbreaking stories of kids who were maltreated by their guardians. Some were not lucky enough to handle the stress.
Your kids should be your priority, they need you 💯.
Some men aren’t loyal. They move on real quick to the next available woman.
Please focus on yourself and your kids before you wear yourself out.
Some men are so irresponsible you’ll wonder how you ended up with them.
He should go out and see how grown ups are doing it.
You nor wan work yet you have eyes for big things. How I detest lazy men.
Sluttychic.
Please follow this advice, spot on.
DeleteHere I was wondering if you married my ex. 😂 Mine left on his own when he realized I wasn't going to waste my life any longer. He seemed so hardworking when we met and I wanted to support his efforts. That was my mistake. If you leave him, he will fend for himself and himself alone. Such people are manipulative more than anything. If you know you have had enough, do what makes you happy or brings you peace. Unless something shocks his system, he will not change. May God grant you wisdom because such people like to feed from others and maintain a fake profile.
DeleteThese kind of men can demand respect for Africa!
ReplyDeleteMen any day you decide to stress your wife with all this load eeh, just kiss your respect and her love for you goodbye.
Madam do what's best for you okay, you only live once.
Supports gives some of us orgasm
You have stayed 10 years, even though I'm sure from 2nd year you starting noticing plenty red flags.
ReplyDeleteMadam do whatever you wanna do.
I have never in my entire life envied a Nigerian woman married to a Nigerian man.
Most of you lot are suffering.
Heavy one for that matter.
Indeed alot. Even after 50plus years of marriage an oldman still h#ts his wife.
DeleteDear poster,
ReplyDeleteYou have tried your best, maybe you should separate from him at the moment..Please take ur kids along with you.
If u didn't see any change in him after the separation then u can leave him permanently.
All the best.
A whole 10years..
ReplyDeletePoster, trial separation for like a year to see if he will improve, if not, abeg waka, I once dated someone like this, not ready to work but very comfortable living off me, I carry slippers for hand, pick race.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sure his family members were happy when you came to marry him because they're aware of his situation, passing irresponsible adult to an innocent woman.
ReplyDeletePoster, stop by feeding him, may be this Buhari hunger will reset his brain.
His type put women who like to fake perfect marriage in bondage while she continues to shoulder the bill and they're smart at picking their wives, they look at the ladies purse or job before settling for her and they never appreciate all you do, if you like build house in their name, all they possess is their third leg
Felicity
Liability men
DeleteVery entitled nuisances
This is draining and frustrating. Do what's best for you sweetheart. Your husband is not cooperating. It's tiring
ReplyDeleteOn top all he wants everything big,he is wanting everything big on whose expense?you bring opportunities for him to better himself and support the family and he has mouth to say it's not what he wants and you still condone his nonsense, abeg abeg I'm vexing already, plus all the lies and probably keeping side chicks with your hard work, you know what to do,send him to his father's house.
ReplyDeleteSee erh some men have made it their daily prayer to wish for ladies who are independent and don't like asking their men for money. From the beginning never ever make a man feel you can do it all by yourself, that way he knows he has work to do. Alot of guys are very lazy but they can smells this kind of babes from afar like smelling rat and take advantage of them..... Madam if you still decide to be with him, let him know they has been reduction in your salary and you won't be able to pay the next house rent. If he doesn't want you going to stay at a family or friends place he should look for money.
ReplyDeleteWhere una dae see this kin men sef God forbid.
How can a man be in the house an a woman is taking up the responsibility of the house, an yet he's still ask for respect, is that possible? Man pls if u can't shoulder ur responsibility as the head of the home, pls forget respect, a woman will not go out an bring money to run the home an u still expect her to respect u, oga e no go work, Madam ur children should be ur priority pls
ReplyDeleteYou can go on ahead with your decision
ReplyDeleteI am with you 100%
ONE WITH GOD
ReplyDeleteHmmmm, I'm a woman, but I wonder why we women complain bitterly when we shouder the responsibility, men do this every day without complaining.they even go as far as taking care of the in-laws.maybe you are too hard on him that's why he's lying to cover up.you want to divorce him and still take care of the kids, your only anger is that your feeding your own husband
ReplyDeleteBecause women are not made to be home keepers, housewives and providers. We are the weaker sex and meant to be treated as such. It is only the black man that is harsh to their women and that's why the world looks down on them.
DeleteUntil they start to treat and respect their women, only then will they be respected.
The black man are treated like babies, instead of them to be taught how to be men as teenagers.
Story
DeleteI looked at it from this angle too but the question is what does the man bring to the table? At least some house wives contribute by cleaning, doing other house chores and taking care of the kids. But if I as a woman have to do all the chores and still provide financially for everything in the house, I'll be really frustrated.
DeleteThere is nothing wrong in a woman shouldering the responsibility if the man is caught by a bad weather...like he lost his job or he is incapacitated etc, then the woman can play the dual role of the father and mother knowing that it is for a while until he bounces back.
DeleteIn this case according to her, the man is lazy and not even willing to try.
It’s people like this that will request a full chicken for every meal. Na feather e go get 🙄🙄
Sluttychic.
Men complain too when it happens without their consent
DeleteIn fact they don’t just complain, many divorce or threaten to end the marriage if their wives refuse to work without their consent
Anon 16.43, the problem is that this type of man will still expect the woman to do the house chores and look after the children. He will consider it beneath him as he is “the head of the house”. How many men bear the financial responsibility and also take on child rearing and household responsibilities? Women who are the main or sole providers in the home usually have a raw deal as they end up shouldering the entire burden of the family alone.
DeletePoster, you have really tried I can feel your pain cos I am going through the same situation but i wasn't strong enough to take the right decision of leaving when I should have,now I am full of regrets and frustration.excuse yourself from that marriage before frustration set in, God Will be with you and your children
ReplyDeleteLol. When I read some chronicles here, I just laugh. You people just write in as if everyone reading and responding are teenagers. You write several paragraphs about your hubby - everything bad; no single good thing about him. Like not even one. Hehehe. So what/who did you fall in love with at the beginning? A ghost? A clown? Like, he was clowning, then suddenly washed off his clown paint, removed the clown costume and boom! A whole new being emerged! Hehehe. Can you swear that you never saw ANY of the 'new' behavior before you married him? Or you were focused on your own reason for getting married.
ReplyDeleteYou wrote about memories. That's where I wanted you to really write more on. That would have helped in deciphering the cause of the 'sudden change'. If you say you have good memories, that means there was a time the going was good. And that also means the situation can be salvaged.
Let me ask you. What was/were the reason(s) you married him? Na from reason you go sabi wetin you go do. Because if those reasons were there and are no longer there, you have every reason to want out. But if they are, you have to stay put. Funny enough, women most times, marry for the wrong reasons. Now these are some of the reasons people get married:
1. Companionship
2. Provision (money)
3. Childbearing
4. Connection
5. Marital status upgrade (especially women)
6. Etc. Pick yours or add to them.
I listed the above because a lot of women get married because of one those things and ignore other vital aspects expecting that 'he would change'. Or even expecting to adjust. I remember one man advising a lady that was dating a widower, whose son she was always having issues with. Unfortunately, the man was always supporting his son even though the son was wrong most of the time. Guess what Mr. Adviser told her? "Marry him; have your own children and concentrate on them. With time you'll forget about him and his son." Aahhh! Inside life! Imagine advice. When one of the top reasons for marriage is companionship, then with two korokoro eyes, she should sign up for loneliness.
My sister, I suggest:
1. Based on the memories you talked about, reevaluate your marriage.
2. Stop bossing him around. You may not know it but that's what you are doing. Allow him be. Sometimes, when people are left alone and ignored, they become ashamed of themselves and try to change.
3. Cut him off from certain privileges. You know what will pinch him. It will make him sit up.
4. Stop complaining. Start living your life to the fullest. Be consciously happy. Smile often but make sure he doesn't know why you too have 'suddenly changed'. He'll put in effort to demystify you.
5. Pray. Prayer changes everything. Pray hard for those memories to be restored back to ongoing reality again. God will hear and change him.
6. Cheer up. Everyone will be fine. Just give it time.
Stay in your marriage. God bless you.
Before writing this long epistle you should have read where she said he first started as hardworking and then changed
DeleteLeave that marriage before you end up 50, unhappy and bitter in a love less situation. What is the point of having a man if he cannot provide, is lazy, a liar and practically useless around the home. What exactly does s he bring to the marriage?
ReplyDeleteThere is no need building anything with such a man, cut him loose and build for yourself and your kids because that man will only drag you down.
You will be much happier once you are looking after yourself and kids without the weight of a lazy man holding you down.
Life is for living and not just existing.
Na you dey marry contractors. You no know say na lazy man career be that
ReplyDeleteAnon 16:13. Some of us women has no problem feeding a man. But the man that we are feeding must accept that he’s now the woman, the lazy he/she must become respectful. Make tasty dishes, take care of the home, allow the woman to hustle wella, allow the woman to go and watch football in the evening with her business clique etc. So Oga if you must eat from the sweat of a woman, you must take her place while she takes yours.
ReplyDeleteWell said.
DeleteWhen it gets to the point that you dont love him anymore, mentally and emotionally checked out, then it becomes almost impossible to stay in such a marriage. You have done your best and like Stella said, separate from him and see how things turns if not positive, move on from him. Good luck to you.
ReplyDeleteGod made men providers.Women can assist not carry the burden.That’s why it is stated that a man that can’t provide is worse than an infidel
ReplyDeletePoster you believe him then cos you wanted to get married and now that your eyes has cleared you want to complain that you didn't know he was telling lies from day one .
ReplyDeleteTake a break from this man before you kill yourself and this man will wife another banny.
This is what I have always said about lies, but most of you would come here to support lying, I have even read many times here on how to deny a truth no matter what..
ReplyDeleteI always tell you people that you guys would always continue supporting nonsense until you become a victim of the nonsense.. Una dey listen? Hell no..
Instead I was given award as the most judgemental..
There you have it..
This is the reason I read some comments here and I have trama, the same way you're feeling now is how I feel when I see the plenty ladies supporting lies, deceit and evils..
And I'll say this again, nothing stays hidden forever, if you like continue lying, and hiding secrets, just kno it would still come out one day, the same way this ladies husband's lies are not secrets anymore ✌️
Please poster,can you have a conversation with your hubby one more time.pour out your frustrations and make him realize you will be giving him one more time to put his life inorder again.During this period,draw him closer to the things of God,that will make him live a life with the fear of God.if all these do not work,then you can move on,but remember you can never get the perfect man.wish you good luck dear.
ReplyDeleteWhat do you mean by one more time??? Didn’t you read this lady has been shouldering the entire burden for a DECADE!
DeletePoster I wouldn’t waste my breath, leave now!!! Oh he’d also leave for his next victim when you become bankrupt and incapacitated, without blinking!
Poster, were you in a rush to get married why you didn't get a chance to check him out properly? No wonder some ppl stick to marrying others from their hometown or make connections through friends or relatives . Taking up a complete stranger that nobody can vouch for them and their family line is always risky.
ReplyDeleteYour horseband brings you shame, it is never good to be with someone you cannot feel proud of, one day you will unleash all your frustrations and say things you never thought you could say. Respect is important in any relationship and when you have lost respect there is no going back. You are not in a marriage, you are in a parent child relationship. Likely there is an issue with your horseband and his mother and that is why he chose you, he knew you were a mothering type. And you have mothered him for ten years, and like a child he lies incessantly, and is good at it. Like a child he is lazy and not want to carry his weight. This has never been a marriage, a certificate and children don't make it a marriage. Your husband needs therapy and you need a break. Move on and wish him well. Ten years is enough life to give to foolishness. Go find your peace and may God be with you.
Being a wife is very different from being a mother. Never mother a manchild ever again under guise of being a wife, it will always be a lose lose situation. A real man has no desire to be mothered, he may indulge it at times when he wants to be 'petted', but will never desire it as standard practice.
Poor poster.
ReplyDeleteHonestly I don't understand how someone lie to a person they claim to love and want to spend forever with. People are wicked in this life.
Poster ndo.
Just move on since you are already drained and checked out already. Whatever is built on lies can't last.
Abeg where una dey see all these lazy men marry. Poster you better leave for the sake of your happiness and your mental health, maybe if he has no one to feed him again he will man up.
ReplyDelete