Hmmm...
ISH IN THE DIASPORA
Good day house. ......
Good day house. ......
I'm a known BV, so let me go anonymous.
My husband just called the police on me for domestic abuse, here in the abroad. We only had exchange of words, I locked his shirt which I am sorry for. I don't know he showed them an old video and lied that the incidence is up to 3 times...
I just came, not up to 4 months oo.....
Now he is saying he is sorry, but the police have already charged me. I am to appear in court next month. Please what should I do? I intend to get a lawyer and say it all, the emotional abuse he has subjected me to.
Jail? is it that serious? what was in the video he showed the Police? They just dont charge you to court unless the crime is serious....
Getting a lawyer is very expensive, can you afford it or will your hubby pay for you to talk about emotional abuse?
Hmmmm you are sitting on a time bomb and thatsall i can say.. For your hubby to call the Police for you here in Europe is a big step no one takes unless the Marriage is over in his mind...He will say he is sorry but he knows what he s ding by trying to get you out of the way.. He may have gone behind you to give evidence so sit up and dont believe a word he tells you....
I'm speechless
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
For he to have made a video of you...omo. ..that your husband 😱😱Abi na steal you steal am?
DeleteAnd you guys already starts fighting in just 4 months. Are you violent and abusive?
Why did he go to the extent of having a video of you already?
It means you have been abusive and he can't take it anymore.
Or
He has an ulterior motive.
Just make sure you come with a clean sheet.
I'm a woman but I don't support violent of any sort.
Look at the way you twisted everything to favor you.
DeleteSo who's video did he show the police? Let us forget weather na old video or new.
I'm happy he made the video, if not you go claim it was the other way around.
Once they brought some of you over there, una go turn to tiger.
See your mouth like you locked his shirt! As if it was the first time you were doing it.😏😏😏😏
4 months una don dey call police for eachother....What sort of toxic relationship is dis. GOD ABEG O
DeletePoster, is it possible that when he annoys you, the Mike Tyson inside you, do come out to play? *sideeyes*What you think pe you wee do, if he get game plan for mind and give you restraining order?! Dont sleep on a bicycle o! Naija haff empty finish o! No come house o!
DeleteThis one hard ooooooo...Jesu mi will be involved to make u happy..
ReplyDeleteI don't know what to tell you sef
Poster, what were you thinking locking his shirt? You better beg him to withdraw the case if not see you see imprisonment.
DeleteJust 4 months and you guys are at war?.Go ahead with the trial. Present every evidence of emotional abuse or whatever against you too. The courts there are not dumb to listen to him alone. You guys can also settle out of court.
ReplyDeleteNo dont do this
DeleteSince he has decided not to move forward, you both tell the court the same thing that all’s good and move on
Fighting at 4 months is no shock pls.
My dear calling police for eachother withn 4mths of arriving is toxic as hell. I have lived abroad before, its not normal to do this. Iv had misunderstandings with my husband, it wont even cross my mind to get police involved. Having a criminal record there is life damaging to some careers.
DeleteHmmm
ReplyDeleteBut why una dey fight to the point of locking shirt neck, you no sabi say your husband don dey plan this whole thing since?
That your husband don finish with you already o, for him to call police for you, sotey wey dem charge you to court.
He wan send you packing be that.
Abeg ndi abroad lawyers make una give this madam better advice o, make dem no send am packing
lol Stella be calming down
ReplyDeletePoster you and your husband should lock up. Don’t offer any more evidence to the police. Both of you should speak with one voice that you don’t want charges pressed and all is good. They will move on
Exactly my thought except if the husband is ready to go through with the appearance et all if not we have settled out of court they will face front.
DeleteI want to believe it was your husband who filed for you if he doesn't want the marriage again he wouldn't have, some men behave irrationally when angry and later regrets it but poster you sef no try gaskiya you have to unlearn and relearn some things pls especially now that you are in a country where the system works.
Poster,your husband showed the police an old video,probably showing you being abusive. It seems you are trying to trivialise or minimise your abusive behaviour. Yes he said he is sorry but you aren't innocent. Before trying to play the victim here,look inwards. Hold yourself accountable to your actions. Maybe when you do so, your marriage will be better for it.
ReplyDeleteThe poster is not telling the whole truth in this chronicle. For your husband to show the police an old video coupled with you locking his shirt means you have been physically abusing your husband all this while. Perhaps from naija self.
DeleteOnce una reach abroad and you open eye and start listening to third parties that it is a woman’s world here, most women will start misbehaving.
You probably threatened your husband whilst physically abusing him to touch you and see whether you won’t call the police on him. This is likely the reason your husband quickly called the police on you before you destroy his life.
The first step is for you to accept in totality that you are responsible for what has befallen you and not your husband as you are here playing victim.
Meanwhile, this case will still go ahead in court (that is the established rule) irrespective of both of you trying to withdraw the case but rest assured that nothing is going to happen in court. You won’t be sent to jail.
The worst that the judge will do is to put a judgement on your records for 2-5 years. This will affect (for instance) your ability to get ILR if the judgement is not spent by the time you apply for ILR. It can also affect how certain employers that do employment checks will view you.
All the best and calm down always. Life is not by gra gra.
YO
Thank you.
DeletePoster. I live abroad but not in Europe so I don’t know the laws well. However,,,, This is a serious case. Get a lawyer to represent you. Make sure you clear your name. You have to establish that you were not abusing him. Even if he withdraws the case, you will still go to trial as your offence is not just against your husband now but the state you reside in at least that’s how it is here in Canada. If you do not clear your self, the implications are dire. You will have employment issues, you may not be able to enter certain countries as this is a criminal offence eg. Chris brown could not enter Canada or certain parts of Europe Cos of his fight with R. You may be deported since you are new in the country. Pls take this seriously and speak to a Lawyer. Your marriage may be over after this prepare yourself. I pray not bit this is a problem you should not trivialize. Good luck
Delete17:55 you are partially right
DeleteWithdrawing the case doesn’t automatically mean the state will drop the case. However 9 times out of 10 they do drop as well
Exactly what I came here to say. The video obviously shows you being violent to him.
DeleteYou are obviously is a violent person. You need to find a way to relate and solve problems without any form of violence.
@18.10 depends on what’s on the video. What if she is the 1 they do not drop and decide to make an example of? Pls I still insist get a lawyer and not minimize it ooh. It’s your future. If you leave the country sef, and you don’t fix it you are on record as a criminal. See domestic offence is a criminal violation ooh. Don’t allow it spoil your record. If anything, get your lawyer to get the case thrown out. It’s the price you pay for putting your hands on someone. Mine was threat ooh not even touch and the cops were called…. The rest as they say is history.
DeletePeople going abroad to join their spouses, learn the law of the land before you embark on your journey oooh. Wisdom is ……
He called the police on you for locking his shirt? I don’t get. What’s the content of the old video he showed the police? There’s certainly more to this story and it’s huge.
ReplyDeleteSluttychic.
Nothing more. She be fighter. The type that spoils Nigerian women image abroad - that if you carry them there as wives they grow plane wings.
DeleteShe didn't know that as women call police on men, police can be called on women.
Just 4 months, she want to put the man in trouble.
Why did she go join him or move with him if he is emotionally abusive.
Stella, kindly post.
That’s the more I was talking about. She carefully left that part out and want us to perceive the guy as a bad person.
DeleteI know some men can be mean but calling the police on his wife barely 4 months she got there says a lot.
Sluttychic.
Na wa for you
DeleteEverything bad she did, you heard from her mouth so why still trying to say she’s lying
Hmmm you better form your own lie Kia kiaa.
ReplyDeleteWhich lie should she form? Did her husband lie against her? Instead of people to see this poster for who she is, una dey give supportive advice.
DeleteThis situation has no other name than domestic violence. Forget the nonsense that her husband abused her verbally. Husband and wife dey yab themselves at times. How both parties treat the situation and sort things out with understanding is important.
Na so that other chronicle poster go cheat on her husband and came here to claim verbal abuse. Rubbish!
YO
15:57 abeg holding shirt is not dv
DeleteWhich lie?...the police have a video of her being physically abusive. There is no lie to form to get out of this.
DeleteFemi you don’t know what’s in the video na
DeleteHe showed them an old video, which means he has evidence of what you did. Did you threaten him with a knife? As police has already charged you. I'd so love to hear the man's side of the story.
ReplyDeleteMadam, u sound like a troublemaker. You just got abroad and you don fight like 5x sotey u are in a video enough to be charged to court. You might since come back here to stay with us since you can't get it together. What's with the frequent fight and why are you the one in the videos guilty?
ReplyDeleteIn my honest opinion, your husband needs to send you back here, b4 u claim domestic violence meanwhile u are the violent one. Thank God he documented.
He took you to join him, and rather than stay peaceful you want to ruin it.
Thank you @Tiana
DeleteFor that guy to call the police on her, she don over do. The guy is smart and he knows she can be manipulative. If he didn’t want you there, he wouldn’t have filed for you to join him. Just four months and he’s already inviting the police.
DeleteSluttychic.
You dey mind her, the husband want to teach her a lesson
DeleteNa deportation you dey romance like this so?
ReplyDeleteYou both should try and settle the issue out of court to avoid further complication. 🤞
ReplyDeleteThis is not nigeria that they settle out of court ooo. They have the evidence to convict her. They don't even need the husband's cooperation
DeleteFemi they settle out of court abroad
DeleteI don’t know if you don’t know this or you’re just sharing wrong info
I’ve seen worse cases where the state moved on when no one continued
I don’t want people committing dv but let’s not act like this is a serious situation in law. It simply isn’t
Wrong @19:32 it depends on the country. In Canada once there is video or physical evidence of abuse, if your partner like they should not show in court, the case will go on if there is probable cause. The things is that with domestic violence you not only commit a crime against the person but the state. So the state is the one suing you. Your partner can even follow you to court, they may pity you and throw out but if it is a bad case, you’re on you own ooh.
Delete19:59 all I can say is live and learn
DeleteHmmm na wa oh! How come you guys could not sort this out within instead of involving the police in this...Honestly, I dunno what to say....Both of you should be careful and try to trash out your issues within...All the best
ReplyDeleteMy husband's evil sister got him to do a similar thing to me, it backfired on him. Long story short, my HV and the council kept calling me afterwards to offer me help and advise instead. He has a DV record BTW. I serve a living God! Single BVs! flee from evil inlaws
ReplyDeleteYour case his different. Your husband has an history/record of DV. From your narrative, it can be inferred he was physically violent or threatening to you before you reacted or before he reported. Here, Poster did not even make a case of DV. She alleges emotional abuse. That is bad. But emotional abuse is not defended by physical violence. Above
DeleteWow what did you do that he has to go that far. That’s serious you are looking at jail or deportation. If he was no longer interested in you atleast he could have told you so you two go your separate ways instead of doing this. I don’t know what to say.
ReplyDeleteThey won't deport her or put her in jail. They will give her a suspended sentence. But she may have issues when trying to apply for ilr
DeleteFrom your narrative,despite that you made it looked like you are the guilty one claiming emotional abuse,dear poster you seemed like the one at fault if one think it deeply,you are violent,locking up your husband's shirt is physical abuse,it even sounded like you did more than locking his shirt but only trying to play it small,why must you put your hands on anyone,let alone your dear husband,the man only brought you abroad just 4months ago and you are already beating him up enough for him to have evidence of you doing so,that man better leave you cos you won't change, he should just count his loss on all it cost him to bring you in,it would only get worst
ReplyDeleteThere's certainly more to this her story. Even if you went on Spousal Visa, it's not enough to fight at 4 months of marriage. As if it's even good to fight at all. Aunty, to fight him to the extent he has an old video of you being violent or abusive physically in abroad means you will fight with knife and broken bottles in naija.
ReplyDeleteMake up with him and let him tell them no one is pressing charges.
You guys seem low in temperament. That needs to be worked on. See you see community service or jail time if you don't change.
Osheyyy man beater,just go to prison in peace and learn not to raise your hand on anyone again,you did more than lock that man's shirt,Wish we could hear his side of this story
ReplyDeleteInteresting how certain actions can suddenly calm ppl down. My dear, regardless of the outcome of this there will always be a file on you for being violent. If you are ever in any situation in the future, even if you are innocent that file will be there hovering over your head.
ReplyDeleteThere are such horrible stereotypes about black women in these parts, and your behaviour feeds those stereotypes. Please use this unfortunate situation to seek help. Your marriage crashing is not the worst, that could happen, being a horrible mother would be the worst. Fix yourself before bringing an innocent child into your life and subjecting them to a life of trauma.
If you are this way because that is the behaviour that was normalized at home, you can fix it. You can choose to be better than what you saw. Violence and contention has no place in a family. Go get therapy or anger management. Fix yourself, you owe it to you to be better in all ways.
That man should run from you,you will soon start beating him with pestle,na from clap e dey enter dance,you will move on from shirt locking to slapping,but I feel like you are already doing worst,what does your husband have you doing to him on video? I like that the man has evidence cos once they bring you girls from Naija laikdiss una go just turn from being loving to winchhh since your aim of coming abroad has been achieved
ReplyDeleteAhh! Eleyi l'agbara oo.
ReplyDeleteMadam your husband isn't naive, he knows exactly what he's doing. Please you need to be weary of him, be very smart, and act fast, seek for legal advice, if possible do a voice/video of him without his knowledge acknowledging your innocence.
ReplyDeleteDoes she sound innocent to you?
DeleteCute girly pls what innocence? She has acknowledged that she locked his shirt, she has also acknowledged that he has a prior video of her being violent, infact violent enough for the police to charge her. Yet you give her her this advice? Haba learn to tell ppl the truth so that they can mk amendments. Fear God in all u do
DeleteAnon that he had a video doesn’t mean he hasn’t done worse
DeleteI’ve been in this biz for a while. Some people conveniently start the video at the point of your reaction to all their crazy and do you look mad
He already called the police nahhh I am sorry will not take away the criminal record he has already dented you with even though he withdraws the case. Go to court and tell the judge your own side. If you are found guilty, serve the sentence.dont worry God has a reason why it's playing out this way. Do not beg him to withdraw the case. Bcos anywhere you go, the moment a back check is pulled on you,it will show up. Find a cheap lawyer by going to the court house to ask. Then tell the lawyer the entire truth. So that he will know how to plead your case. In d main time, move out of the house and go stay with a friend. But keep your cool. Avoid taking his calls until this is done. Don't be tempted to take his calls. You will be fine. Wishing you God's mercy. Allow him be for now.let us know the outcome. God bless and keep u.
ReplyDeleteIs it easy to serve sentence
DeleteWhen God has given her wisdom to avoid it
Who goes to jail for holding shirt
There are no marks on him
This is a legal situation
Let her move to a frnd’s house, abroad oo, not naija. Who pays the bills?
DeleteYou are acting like the woman is the saint here. No normal hubby would make a video of the wife is she hasn’t displayed any funny behavior. She should find a friend and move out really??? Instead of advising her to work on her bad behavior. It’s your type that pours kerosene into a burning house
DeleteTake this advice Poster. It is well
DeleteThere is no jail sentence to this in the UK. She didn’t stab or do something else that can be deemed criminal. Stop making the poster to think she will be sent to jail. If you don’t know about something, stop making assumptions.
DeleteYO.
How do you know they are based in Uk?
DeleteThank you Yo
DeleteAll this over reactive people should pls stop saying what they don’t know
It’s not a jail-able offence, it just her records that will get spoilt. Her experience abroad will be affected by this if she doesn’t get it thrown out. It’s criminal and if found guilty will be in her records. So madam get it thrown out
Delete20:04 her record will not be spoilt
DeleteThey will drop and move on
This issue would have be resolved peaceful between the both of you.for your hubby to have called the police men shows that the abuse went too far and he couldn't bear it,can't the case be withdrawn?
ReplyDeleteCalling the police means nothing to some
DeleteSome call to get some peace
*This issue would have been resolved peacefully*...I was so busy with my work during the day
DeleteIf someone is keeping video/audio evidence of you in sensitive/compromising situations it is because they foresee a time they can use it against you to their advantage.
ReplyDeleteIf he has started reporting you to police for jacking his shirt its because he is trying to build up a history of abuse against you. The more times you are arrested the more solid his case will be to assist him in finally getting rid of you.
That time he said he was sorry for reporting to the police, do you have it in text or email form? Ofcourse not. Everything is word of mouth so he can easily deny that at any point. Court does not admit word of mouth, court admits video, audio, and hard form evidence.
No dey do mumu mumu.
Na person wey you marry be dat.
You lock in shirt, e call police against you.
But if na you call police, all the hypocrites here will say ehnnn nyen why didyu not report to his father, why didyu not report to his great great grandmother nyen nyen nyen?
You had better be on your toes and stop throwing hands, you are not in the trenches from where you came. E no dey hard for their police to arrest especially if its clear you assaulted or are causing a public nuisance no be like here wey police ho ask you for transport before they go their duties.
If he is like most Nigerian men, he will frustrate you, then gaslight you so that you will look like guilty party.
You had better start gathering your own evidence while you both make a descision as to whether you both want this marriage to work or not.
*I do not support violence in any way shape or form.
But we didn’t see anywhr u admonished her for locking his shirt, abi whr u come from it is okay to lock people’s shirt once you start argument? Secondly, i didn’t see you mention the video evidence he has against her that was strong enough for her to be charged by the police that do not wait for transport fare to do their duties, if that kind of police would find that evidence violent enough to charge her to court, then best believe it was truly violent, i didn’t see anywhr in ur write up where u admonished her about violence. No be me tlk say video dey, na she tlk am, no be me tlk say she hold her man for shirt, na she tlk am, so wat do u have to say about her behaviour?
DeleteOh sry, i forgot, he is gaslighting her to look like the guilty party.
Someone brought a woman abroad 4 months ago and you think he is setting the wife up intentionally?
DeleteThe guy discovered the violent side of this lady after he brought her over. What do you expect him to do? To wait till she destroys all he has worked for in the UK?
Don’t just read what a chronicle has said. Imagine what the poster deliberately left out.
We sabi people like this lady for this UK. She probably has a lover in naija but decided to marry the husband so as to get to the UK. Once she frustrates the man and the man mistakenly raises his hand on her, that will be the end of the guy.
This lady will be able to claim DV and thereby move her status from under her husband as spouse. She will then bring her main lover from naija. Dem plenty like that.
The type of ladies that make UK men not to go to naija and marry a wife.
YO
Honestly Yo some men do set up their wives to get a divorce
DeleteThey bring them in and sometimes start regretting
Some also don’t want to complete the filing so they taint the girl
It’s a lot I can’t type more
If the man is so bad why did she follow him or go meet him.
DeleteHer case reminds of a once viral video of a Nigerian nurse wife terrorising her husband and his mother. It was the man's video that helped him when the police called arrived.
Four months, two fights. Or was the first video in their home country? If so, it means the man did not record for abroad police. Why don't she return to her home country. Is it not here we advise leave to live?. So they don't leave to live back home.
See, no matter what we say or do outside, very few people know us better than our spouses.
The man knows the wife he married. What baffles is why he went with her or took her abroad. But he appears wise enough for her plans anyway.
Oh, by the way, telling a wife sorry for reporting her to the police for her recorded violence is nothing. If she presents that to court, it only ameliorate the sanction on her if at all. And it is a big plus for the man that he is a peacemaker. Sorry is an admission of guilty in ALL cases to only troublesome people and their encouragers.
17:35 do you understand English Language at all or just galloping to project your own inadequacies. What does *I do not support violence in any way shape or form.* mean in your language afi I did not see where you admonished her nyen nyen nyen.
DeleteAs for the 2nd commentator, Cantor even be bothered reading much less responding to you.
18:18 they might have been fighting over sex
DeleteDude brought her to the abroad and can’t shake body. Sounds like that type of fight
18:35
DeleteJust for the sake of those who will read tomorrow or after.
Nothing gives away a person's heart than cold words.
Your footnote is clear. Poster should not fight.
She should go get a good camera phone and long big notebook to record for the police her husband's misdeeds and apologies after each time she lock's his shirt.
Poster is free to take your advice or to work with her husband at mending what is wrong in their marriage that has made her fight her husband twice in four months.
You locked his shirt?
ReplyDeleteYou forgot to drop your Nigerian agbero lifestyle before traveling..
Good he called the police on you, before you push him to the wall and he's forced to hit you, then you play the normal victim ish, and damage his name, reputation and life..
Very good one✌️
Madam what have you done?
ReplyDeleteThis your story is not complete joor. See how scared you are, meaning the content of the video he showed them is not nice.
Seek a legal advice and see if you guys can settle out of court abeg!
Imagine locking his shirt...stop tormenting and tempting your husband woman, abi you don forget where you guys are?
Biko change if you come out of this trouble you just created for yourself o.
May God be with you, Amen
You will be scared so far they charge you
DeleteYours is an incomplete story
ReplyDeleteYou seem like an abusive wife to me from your narration tbvh
Sit up and do better
Madam talk true. You go bring the man back to your country and take his place. You went with a mission to revenge for real or perceived previous hurts. You thought the man will hit you so you can call the police on him to start the process of stripping him of his dignity and properties. You have been baiting him.
ReplyDeleteHe has said he is sorry. Instead of riding on the apology to discuss the issues and mend your marriage, you are thinking of spilling all sour beans to achieve what you set out for initially. Well, emotional violence is difficult to prove. It is a case of your words against his. As a person with small legal training, I expect the Judge to ask you why you agreed to go join him if he was so bad.
Reason am. Bad husband dey abroad or wan go abroad. Was that not the best time for you to say no more? No. You carry trap follow am or go meet am in the abroad.
Make una dey sorry for the people who are dependent legally on these abroad men in their family.
Since you have internet access, search "penalty for physical domestic violence in (insert your country of residence)". At least you will know what is up. Start from there. Since you prefer to do legal instead of mending your family. At least, you won't say your fellow Bvs no help you.
Four months. You done flag your husband and yourself and maybe family in a foreign country criminal records
"If to say na abroad, if to say na abroad he cannot do it". Atink you don see as the law dey work.
If you were my sister or client, I would advise you to seek settlement. If you bring that man back. His family will not be happy with you and your family. Trust that they know and are waiting.
Dear husband of chronicle writer, please do not let anyone guilt-trip you into dropping the case. Let the legal system do what it's supposed to do!
ReplyDelete'A system that works' shouldn't gender-biased!
If it was a woman who was being physically abused, with video evidence, no one would tell her to stay or drop the charges!
Let there be a legal record of her actions against you. Whether she is given probation; anger management classes or community service...it will do her good!
Loll where did you all see abuse
DeleteOrdinary holding shirt una wan pack up marriage
Oil dey your head@SMH
DeleteThe poster is not innocent at all, how can you be fighting with your husband to the extend of locking shirt with a man. Why can't you respect your self and avoid fighting.
ReplyDeleteYou got to the abroad few months ago and you have fought like 3 to 4 times without respecting your husband as a man. Madam trouble dey your body. Your husband should send you back to Nigeria so that you can face suffering maybe that will cool you down.
Imagine getting am offer to join your husband abroad, instead of you to think about how to make money and make sure you don't return to this country again. You are there fighting the man who brought you out of this insecurity county.
Don't mind her, very troublesome woman.
DeleteIs it 4months of marriage or 4 months of living together? Wish you gave a background story. Why are you fighting your husband? Why are you guys fighting? Well, get a lawyer and plan next steps... this is why it's best for everyone to learn anger management. See as both of you are sorry for things you did while angry. Police should be last resort. That's how a friend of mine almost called police on her boyfriend cos they quarreled and she asked him to leave and he refused. I had to stop her. Call police on a black man in a pretty much white neighborhood in the US? They will shoot him before you even explain say na normal lovers fight una get
ReplyDeleteMadam pls work on yourself because from your narrative your are the Abuser. While lock his shirt.....?
ReplyDeleteYour hubby is trying to save himself in the future because the system favours women more.
Yes she not just only physically violent but also dangerously manipulative. How she left part of story of what's in the old video shown to police??? What & How's her behaviour like in the house and towards the husband???
ReplyDeleteI nigeria dem go get away with that sorts of madness. But abroad here in western societies this is domestic
violence & intimate partner abuse. Very ...very destructive & evil. Let her go to jail, or get a criminal record..aBegi 🙌😡
Story
DeleteI had to call the police on my husband for domestic abuse because I had no other choice. He had repeatedly been verbally abusive and confrontational over the years. He also hit me one time before the time I had to call the police. When we went to court, it looked like he would get off without any penalty until I submitted evidence of physical therapy that I had to have for the injuries he caused. At that point his eyes opened, and we settled that he would go for anger management class because as a first offense (at least in the court's eyes) he wasn't facing jail time. But at that point, our marriage was over. No matter what, the humiliation that was caused to him, and the subsequent anger, was too much and he wouldn't consider a reconciliation even if I were open to the idea. All this to say, if you all can reach an agreement maybe you can suggest anger management class for yourself. Also, if you truly have anger management issues work on yourself. Try marriage counseling. I know it can be taboo in Nigeria, but madam try it. You married this person for a reason, so do you best to make it work. But if you are unable to control yourself, go back home or move out. No one deserves to be abused, physically or otherwise.
ReplyDeleteHere is a person who has an honest regret. We must always consider consequences with every action. Learn to count to 10 and breathe in the face of provocation and if you are very temperamental, count backwards
DeleteMichy, Thank you for providing this perspective.
DeleteSome people say it’s ‘only locking of shirt’ but that can escalate to very serious issues. You lock a man’s shirt to prevent him from leaving, the next thing is that he will push you or beat you to free himself from your grip, then you will start shouting ‘domestic violence’ and people will blame the man. Besides, which kind of razz market woman agbero behavior is this gripping of shirt? No be so dem Dey do madam. You need to work on yourself if this marriage is important to you. Apologize to your husband so that you people can present a united front and try to de-escalate this as much as is possible. If you do go to court to speak against him, your marriage might not recover and you’ll need to prep your mind for that if that’s what you choose to do.
I think you misunderstood me. I don't regret calling the police on my soon-to-be ex husband. I am saddened that he didn't get the help that he needed to control his anger so that we could have our family intact. Calling the police was necessary. He could've killed me or I could've killed him in self defense. That's no way to live. God has better in store for me.
DeleteOh no! I know you don’t regret it, my apologies if my comment came across that way. Why would you regret doing something that potentially saved your life?
DeleteI’m sayin that I appreciate you giving the perspective of the abused. And then listing the possible outcomes of whatever decisions she makes as regards the court case
Just 4months abroad you've started locking his shirt, people like you go abroad and start misusing the privilege ,just because you think you are now in a land that supports women.
ReplyDeleteYour husband is a very wise man for making that video, if not for the video you'd ve gotten him in a big mess by now. Wicked woman,
Better beg that man and see how you both can resolve the issue.
Did I just read four months or four years? Did you trace him to the abroad against his will...
ReplyDeleteHow can he spend so much to
Japa you and all of a sudden he already has a video of you doing bad things to him as an evidence to show to the police?
You are hard on him!!!
Pls you need to tell them in court to return you back to Nigeria if there's anything of such ee
Faaaast.
How do you know he spent money
DeleteFor you to be charged with an offence, then what was on the video must have been somewhat serious. Your best bet is for your husband to speak to the police and explain that he would like to drop all charges. The police might still press on with the case, especially if what they saw on the video was very bad. However, as a first time offender you are likely to get a suspended sentence, community service or anger management classes. It would be helpful in that case if your husband gives evidence on your behalf saying you are usually a wonderful and loving wife and that the scuffle was just a one-off. Anyway, you need to be wary cos if your husband is keeping videos of your violent ways, he might be planning on exiting the marriage at some point. Not that I blame him in the slightest. If he is also physically violent, then make your own videos. However, this is just not an ideal way to lead your life. If you both can’t sort out your marital issues without raising your hands at each other, it may be best for you both to go in opposite directions before one of you either ends up in a casket or in jail.
ReplyDeleteYour relationship is toxic. You can have a misunderstanding but not to that extent of calling the police. You need to look inward and see what you are not doing right. Whatever annoys you about your spouse, talk to him about it in a polite manner. If you people have enough money, I will suggest you go for counseling. First of all you people need to work on yourselves 100% else worse things might happen
ReplyDeleteI have some advise but because this person says she is a popular BV I need this preamble for our young ladies. Be careful which advice you take on SM. I am not judging but every advice this lady would have given to the different chronicle writers would have been based on her personality & socialization. Nobody is perfect but imagine her marital advice on other chronicles.
ReplyDeleteAs for 🇺🇸 it’s a true federation & police departments are under cities with elected chief of police/sheriffs. I can only advise you based on the experience of a patient whose abusive husband tried to choke her. She bit the thumb of the huge partner (she is a petite Caucasian lady) & blood gushed out because he was on a blood thinning med (it makes bleeding more intense). The police concluded the victim WAS the assailant because of the blood evidence. I had seen both for close to a decade & I had seen the black eyes hidden under the wife’s sunglasses, the sprains etc on the petite spouse. Sh always lied until I befriended her. Here is how they solved it as the wife (victim) was handcuffed from the scene & detained overnight. The man dropped the charges but as many pointed out, assault is against the state not just your spouse. They released her on bail. They both agreed to plead mentally illness to avoid prosecution as the state doesn’t like spending $ if they don’t have to. Even at that they both (they loved each other in a dysfunctional way in my opinion), hired an attorney to get the charges dropped for mental illness. She still had to spend a week as a psych in patient with testimonies written on his medication etc before she got off without a record. The only public record will be that police were called into their address on that date for whatever it is.
Beyond getting off this charge is digging deep into what caused this. If this is happening in 4 months, I think you guys need to sit down and have a deep conversation. For young women who erroneously believe the system favors women only, it favors justice! I am a woman. There are both men & women in jail for DV. I find that many who give advice on SM including “celebrities” have zero knowledge or experience to do so. If you promise to dash someone a designer dress, the person needs to first look at what you wear as you can’t give what you don’t have. Be careful taking advice online.