Hmm...
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
ADVICE NEEDED URGENTLY
Hi Stella...
There are two guys coming for marriage. I'm not two timing them. They know what they want and they've stated it. It's just for me to know who to invest more time and commitment to. I'll just talk about what I like and don't like about them. It's a long distance thing. I know them personally so the distance was just work that took them out.
Mr A.….
Things I Like:
. We share the same believes about Christianity. Same church in fact. Catholics. That's something huge for me.
. He's older
. He's ambitious
. He's a politician and very involved. He's gradually moving up.
. If it works I can comfortably establish my business in his location and his political connections will help it grow cos I have to relocate.
. He's Family oriented.
. Our goals align to a large extent.
Things I don't Like:
. Zero Communication - He goes weeks sometimes with no contact.
. Emotionally off and on. Somedays he could be all over me and come off strong. Somedays we're just flat.
. I'm not a priority. He makes it so obvious by saying things like, he's doing politics when I complain of us not having good communication or him not caring enough he always says I should understand. He wants me to do the checking up cos he can be carried away with engagements. It makes me feel like I'll be doing the chasing.
. It's like we're worlds apart in a lot of things. Making jokes hard to flow during communication especially on chats maybe cos he's 10 years older.
. We argue on a lot but most times resolve it after talking about it.
. He's stingy and hardly gives when I ask. No matter what I ask for. He says he doesn't believe in too much demands in a relationship cos it causes wrong
judgement on everything. And he says this period sef he doesn't have to give so I should understand.
. When I think of it all, it doesn't make me happy and I wish it could be better.
. Distance - Different state.
Mr B:
Things I Like:
. He believes in God though not as much as I stand with my own belief.
.Communication 100%
. He's very understanding, patient, caring and always wants to give when I have a need. Most times not all but at least more than half:
. Emotionally available
. Hardworking and loves making money. He's comfortable but not rich
. He just loves it when I'm happy and it makes me feel good and secure.
. Family oriented
. He brings out the lovable qualities in me. I can be very difficult but with him it's easy.
Things I don't Like:
. Not too tall. I like tall guys.
. Procrastinate most times
. Distance - Different state.
. If it works establishing my line of job in his state will be very challenging. It might not work out well. What will I be doing there.
. Knows me too well. Like he can read me. Don't know why I don't like it but we're just in sync on a lot of things maybe cos he's just 4 years older.
. He's a social butterfly. The opposite of me. I'm an introvert. He's both but more of an extrovert.
. We're opposites with what we want out of life. His line of expertise is totally different from mine.
The thing is not about who I love but I'm actually thinking of who's more compatible with me. I really want to be happy in marriage. From who my partner will be, to me chasing my dreams and thriving in it and having a supportive partner. I just want a happy home.
I don't do well in toxic environments. I try to avoid it cos it messes up my moods and makes me angry and so not friendly..
I'm thinking of testing both but don't know with what to use or how to go about it.
Maybe you are confused on who to choose cos you are focusing on both of them.... Eliminate the one that is less profitable and invest in the other...I like that you dont want to go into Marriage all lovey dovey and miss all the red flags.... YOU ARE SMART!!!
Let e also read comments....
Poster you say someone that can go weeks without talking to you wants to marry you? How?? He’s emotionally off, stingy you are not his priority, you guys argue a lot etc .. Just tell us you want him because he’s a politician. You think it’s all politicians that are rich ? Have you heard of baby politician? Don’t sha open legs for him.
ReplyDeleteYou better settle for mr B because that’s where I see your future.
Fan Emmanuel
Hahahahahaha how can you even consider someone that goes off for weeks without communication? Oh well, na e money dey enter your eye.
DeleteYou are seeing the reg flags now, you’ll not use your sense.
Sluttychic.
Dear poster
DeleteThe emotional unavailability of your Mr A is a big turn off o, you cannot build a great family unit as most things may not need your decisions before they are done, you’d just be living a long distant marriage even when you are under the same roof, it will be too rigid… I don’t know if this will give you the happiness you desire and this his stinginess is another turn off.
I would normally go with Mr B because I love a great family partnership where we rub off on each other and are super family oriented, the only issue is his procrastination ( this is a very bad flaw, I even suffer from it at times) it’s very hard to shake up, you may have plenty arguments when trying to push him to do different things but since he loves seeing you happy, maybe he will change.
Marriage is not that easy to decide, maybe you haven’t met your husband… keep looking but I am leaning towards mr B
Push up ( original)
From your write up, B should be more suitable. A is like boss and subordinate relationship. A will stress you o!
ReplyDeleteTry waiting for C or D. I'm leaning towards B but you said he's short, as for A, na proper ashewo you are seeing so.
ReplyDeleteThank you. Politicians wey dey carry hook up babes like say it’s going out of fashion. The day you pay him a surprise visit or go through his phone, if you no faint make I know wetin cause am
DeleteGo with B
ReplyDeleteHe looks okay to me
Stop being bemused
You are a realistic babe and I like that.
ReplyDeletePlease preserve your sanity and be at your best by choosing the one you can grow together with and your communication is 100%. They say, without communication there's no relationship. Discuss with him maybe he can start chasing job offers in better cities. If you are a fish please don't dare walk on land.
Please don't turn yourself into a trophy wife. I can't imagine marrying someone who gives me vibes that make me insecure and mess up my mood. Men like that are cancelled.
You don't know what you want poster.
ReplyDeleteYou said Mr A is ten years older and makes it difficult to crack jokes and flow well in chats.
You also said Mr B flows well and brings out the best in you, he is in sync with you as he is just four years older, yet you said you don't know why you don't like it.
Are you sure you don't have spiritual husband like this? You don't like Mr B's sync and the way you flow well? You need deliverance.
From your write up,B is better than A.
ReplyDeleteSee poster you cant get all you want in marriage but I will advice you go for B. If you are not sure of both you can give another guy a chance.
ReplyDeleteI'll say go for b. Every marraige involves constant work. If both of you are willing to keep working on that flame, then i see no reason why B shouldn't be an obvious choice.
ReplyDeleteBut this one that you are more focused on what THEY give you or bring to the table, WHAT are you bringing to the table?
It should not be about just you, your needs and feelings alone. You will set up whoever you end up marrying for frustration.
It is up to the men to evaluate what she brings to the table and whether it is enough for them. She can’t start negotiating against herself. They should weigh her up the way she is weighing them up.
DeleteWith all this things you said about A, you still considering him🙄, me don't believe someone that wants to marry you can go weeks without checking on you really cares and loves you.
ReplyDeleteI know the only problem you have with B is height because what you described up there about him is what most of us are looking for in a man.
Sis if you are not tall maybe you haven't seen husband yet because of the future kids.
But have you prayed enough?
Prayer is the key dear.
Poster, the signs are obvious already. Someone that is incommunicado or emotionally unavailable will torture you emotionally when you eventually tie the knot.
ReplyDeleteNo man is too busy for the one he truly loves!
However, it is very glaring that you love Mr A because he's rich and a politician. Well, I wont fault you cos sometimes love is not enough likewise money too, but Mr A is not the man for you. He will drain you emotionally but will provide for you financially.
A man that loves you will not stress you no matter his financial status. He will be there for you in all ramifications.
I wont decide for you but please choose wisely!
Mr A is aka gum
DeleteIt’s not about being rich o
DeleteDon’t marry a stingy man thinking he is rich, you’d end up driving GLA without 2k to fuel it, I know plenty women in this same situation
Push up (original)
Poster likes A because of Catholic wedding. Ikwakwakwa. How politician that is emotionally unavailable also be financially unavailable. Maybe he is broke n just packaging for you. If you marry A, you will be marrying yourself.
ReplyDeleteFor B, if you like him enough you can chook head.
Personally, I can never go for option A. Why is he even an option? Money?
ReplyDeleteMoney wey she no dey even see, he said he doesn't have to give for now, how do you know he will give when the time comes? Knowing you aren't likely to leave as you sef dey hustle, see you, see absentee husband. A isn't an option at all to me, see if B can work out
DeleteExactly Eka,how can option A,be in this conversation,if not for money?? The fact,you made him first option says it all.
DeleteThis chronicle poster. Your own dey your body. Are you perfect? If they start listing your own good and bad parts, two pages will full.
ReplyDeleteMr B is obviously the best man for you. You are looking at your business growth and his height, your business can grow anywhere with the right steps. You remind me of that poster that said she moved from Lekki to join her husband in Delta State and it is making her depressed 🤣🤣🤣
As for his height, it should not be a problem at all since it doesn't affect his third leg and overall behavior.
I think B is better.......
ReplyDeleteYou can't have it all in human, no one is perfect/complete. I am sure aren't perfect either. B is ok with all what you wrote and you guys can work on all the imperfection except the height which to me doesn't really matter as long as he gives you peace of mind
ReplyDeletePoster you are obviously one of those girls that go about BEGGING for money. What do you mean by he is stingy??? Can’t women be in a relationship without asking for money? Ndi aguu
ReplyDeleteO Kwa gi nwa bu onye aguu
DeleteIt’s not about begging for money. I contribute equally in any relationship but I can’t marry a stingy person. You don’t want someone that won’t contribute when the washing machine breaks down because you can wash clothes by hand or doesn’t want to contribute to the children’s school fees because he thinks the nasty private school down the road is sufficient. You will end up paying for a lot of household bills and expenses by yourself.
DeleteYour own is your own
ReplyDeleteIt's good you have an opportunity to choose what you want.
ReplyDeleteRemember that with marriage you need to come to a compromise.
Think about things this way:
1) Physical features: How will B's height affect you on the long run? It comes with you having to reset your mindset. Physical features matters but only when we are talking about aesthetics except it's a no go area for you. Will it affect your confidence? Or you are naturally a confident person who don't derive confidence from frivolous things.
2) Spirituality: For me, spirituality must tick before further consideration. I talked it out with my man at the earlier stage. He was a yippy-yoppy and a Sunday service kinda guy but I let him know that to be with me, he needed to be more than that. He hasn't got there yet(even me haven't got where I want to be cos it requires daily progress) but I can see a tremendous change in him(which is because he really wants to be with me).
3)Communication: This is key to a successful relationship. If I can't communicate with you normally, I wonder what we'd be doing after marriage. In fact what kills relationships faster is lack of proper communication. With a ground for good communication, a lot of things can change. Like in my number 2 above, if I and my man don't keep a good communication I doubt we'll be where we are today.
4) Financial security: Truth is we all seek for a better life. A struggling man today with good prospects is likely to make it in the future but a rich man today with poor financial literacy might end up struggling in the future. Let the partner you'll choose be financially literate and prudent. Also, make sure that you have your own money whichever way.
5) Compromise: Keeping in mind that you may not be able to get it all at once or immediately will also help you. You where it would be comfortable for you to meet the other person halfway. Know which donts you can wake up everyday and still choose.
Also, marriage is for two people, find out who knows you in your weakness but still choose you and is likely to choose you in 50 years time. Find out who puts efforts in working on things that might affect your relationship on the long run.
6) Destiny: Some people do get all at once if I must say but we are not all same. You have to try and understand how your destiny works(I will write about this when I have the time). If you are a person who get's it all in one package then you might want to wait cos those two up there are not for you. But if you fall in one of the other categories, go ahead and choose who works best for you amongst them.
Choosing a life partner is not an easy thing and unfortunately it's not something people on the internet will help you do cos we are not the one that interact or will live with them. You need to take it up seriously in prayers and hear from God first.
I pray that God gives you wisdom and the spirit of discernment.
Congratulations in advance for your wedding!!!
The only thing i saw is the lack of communication and being stingy. These are not only red flags but cameroon pepper mixed with tiny hot plateau red pepper. Abort mission asap.
ReplyDeleteMarry the catholic guy. If he fks up, give him litany to pray.
ReplyDeleteSDK said "Eliminate the one that is less profitable..." 🤣🤣🤣 Is it a business transaction?
ReplyDeletePoster, I will advise you to present your case to the Lord in prayer. If you can fast please do.
Sometimes things don't work in line with our projections. The political connection you feel would be good for your business may turn out to be bad in future. Or have you not heard of properties of politicians being burnt by people or seized by EFCC? Even the lovey-dovey Mr B may change later. Please put it before the Lord and pray for direction and wisdom.
You might even end up with someone else entirely.
I cannot consider your option A,one bit,all the red flags are glaring,but,you dont care,cos of money.
ReplyDelete"A "will not allow you or give you the chance to use his political connect. These guy will place you where he wants you to be which won't b a nice position...
ReplyDeleteWait for Mr. C
ReplyDeleteSometimes, the options available now may not be the real options. They are available to help refine our thoughts about what is beneficial.
This business that is one of the factors disqualifying Mr. B, would he be involved in setting it up or you have the capital already?
But how long do you think a marriage of you first will last?
Why is Mr A an option? Well, I think you like Mr A more. The fact you are considering him at all plus that he's emotionally unavailable and you still think he's an option. I hope you listen to everyone saying Mr B but most of us women think with our heart, and your heart maybe likes... Mr A? No?
ReplyDeleteCHOOSE MR B PLEASE!!!! OR wait for C/D!
Go for B
ReplyDeletePoster marry someone who values you,love and gives you so much attention.alot of marriages are at the point of breaking apart due to little or no communication.
ReplyDeleteI'll say go for B, it seems to me you're actually considering A cos of his political involvements and connections. You need strong mind to marry a politician oo, they are most times emotionally and physically unavailable. Lastly pray to God about it.
ReplyDeleteIt's better you marry B.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all why can't Mr A make out time to check on you?
ReplyDeleteSee I don't even know what to tell you, me sef don confuse 🤣🤣 seriously ,I'm not trying to make fun of this situation, Just trying to make sense out of it.
But I never want to be in a situation where my man can't make me one of his top priorities.
I can understand sometimes it can be all in one's thoughts ,like you get to reason why he hasn't called since morning?
Weeks without communication is too long a gap.
How can he go emotionally off and on with a woman his heart beats for?
If you ask me ehh, this man is one of those who don't marry for love, he obviously checked your profile and is convinced you match his idea of a wife material that is why he is with you.
First try and confirm if he truly cares for you before you can trivialise his nonchalant attitude, cos mostly in these election times these politicians are usually busy doing lots of things for their oga's .
The fact he is stingy is not making things easy self.
Poster abeg follow your heart.
Even if you have your own money your man should show some generosity sometimes, spending on gifts, cash gifts from time to time hasn't harmed anyone...
Not like you are asking him to pay your bills like house rent, etc.
You can marry him and end up in a good marriage lass lass, it's 50:50
Marry Mr. A if you're the type who doesn't give a s*it about feeling/ emotions.Go there, settle down, produce kids, establish your business and who knows you might become the Governor's wife tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteAll focus will be on your children and business in this marriage.Man wey no give u money now fit no give even in marriage.
You already know you won't be 100% happy in these marriage ..just do what you want.
Mr. B
Good guy, will make a good husband but your business growth isn't assured.
Finally,Mr A isn't your husband.
Meet a strong man of God to confirm if Mr A is your husband..
Most Rev. Fathers have this gift of foreseeing the future.
Goodluck.
You are dating and fucking two men. You are a cheater. Both men should drop you because you are An unfaithful woman.
ReplyDeleteOption A is a NO NO....you will be frustrasted in dat marriage. That is an emotionally unavailable man, are u sure he doesnt even have girlfriends in his base. Option B the issues there are things that can still be worked on.
ReplyDeleteIt is not everybody that promises you marriage that loves you. Some just feel it is time to settle down so they look for any available good girl to settle with as per wife material that he perceivs her to be while keeping their numerous side chicks for pleasure from time to time. These type of men when you fall sick tomorrow or you have a problem anywhere they will flee as if they never shared anything in common with you. They hate responsibilities. Don't even consider the first guy. Not even in your dreams
ReplyDeleteI believe Mr.B is more suitable.
ReplyDeleteMy dear,have it in mind that you cannot get all you want in one man.I personally prefer B but go to God sincerely and without bias in prayer,you won't make a mistake when God is involved.
ReplyDeleteI agree.
DeleteMr A is exactly like my ex but a musician and can go days without communicating with me. I gave up and left the relationship because I was always sad.
ReplyDeletePick B out of the 2 or wait for another!
Haa, poster, Mr A na hustler oo. He is packaging for you. The more you look, the less you see. Observe his comments na. Mr B seem a better option between both of them. You can as well wait for Mr C thou
ReplyDeletePray. Ask God to help you make a good decision. Prayer is actually for our own good, not God's. It will change your heart to be more like God and tune it toward his will. If B is his will, you'll get to a point where his height wouldn't bother you, you'll see him as God's masterpiece. If A is not his will, you won't have a conviction of spirit and so on. To me, B has better qualities but then, kudos for having a self assessment and weighing your options carefully. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteAre you sure Mr. A is not a married man? How can he go in for weeks without reaching you? Classic signs of a married person or he was once married.
ReplyDeleteGo with Mr A. He will make you happy
ReplyDeleteI married a man like A
ReplyDeleteTrust me poster it’s a nightmare and a life of misery. My husband can go a month without calling me (we live in different countries). I used to frantically call like a crazy person but he wouldn’t answer. I’ve accepted my fate that I’m in a loveless marriage. I just pour myself into work while waiting for kids to show up.
He cheats with every and anything as well.
And this us how you will live forever? Wow!
Deletehonestly some of you women will rather live in bondage in marriage than be single. is this life? is this the reason for marriage? so you will wait for kids to show up how? stop fooling yourself and get out of the lie you call marriage. wake up and live.
DeleteThis is a case of q woman having both worlds. Now make I find trouble...
ReplyDelete1. Mr A. Your security for a better future but we both know he has small skorskor. The fame and power within his grasp is pulling u in.
2. Mr B. Has everything a woman needs for a flourishing marriage. Madam you know the choice is not the issue.
Clearly Mr B is perfecto however ladies and gents the issue is that Mr B is not sexualy hitting it right but Me A is and he is the one u r nt really into. Now let me tell you all who she would choose and it's outcome.
She will pick A. But would suffer in about 2 yrs down the line not from lack cos money go flow. She would be lonely he would not have time for u or the kids, sexually starved cos u would come to find out he was using pill to hammer u along with herbs and then Mr B would have moved to Europe and married and living happy cos his own option would be hotter Nd sexier than you cos you kept monitoring him onfbk . Mark this all of you.
Za Old man Yamamoto has spoken
I forgot to add this .,. At the peak of Mr B's life success Mrs A at this point would hit her all time low as Mr A's career too a nose dive, EFCC, impeachment and possible wrong move ask Akpabio
ReplyDeleteI think you need ALOT of growing up to do.
ReplyDeleteAnd neither if these men sound compatible.
ALL that happens in marriage is communication. From the little fights to determining how to build your family. So if he can't communicate na wahala. Think am well oo
ReplyDeletea and b are not the only men in this world....wait and enjoy being single till you find the person you love and ticks most of your boxes
ReplyDelete