Hmm....
SHOCKING REQUEST FROM MOTHER IN LAW
Please I need urgent advice from my dear BVs.
My MIL is a nice person but the issue she has with me is that I don't come to the family house to cook and clean and wash clothes for them. She believes that as a DIL, to show that you are humble and well trained, you MUST do those things for your parents in law.
Every chance she gets, she tells me how she served her in-laws. How she was even sitting on the floor and cutting her MIL's toe nails. How the only thing that was remaining for her to do was to bathe them and clean their bumbum.
I kept ignoring her because I'm a very busy person. I work 6 days in a week and come home late. Then I have to cook for my family. I don't have a maid and I have toddlers. How am I expected to finish attending to my family and then go and attend to them?
What surprises me the most is that this woman has 2 house helps living with her but she keeps insisting that I shouldn't look at them because it's my responsibility not theirs. She even has daughters living with her.
What is scaring me in all these is that it's like MIL is becoming bitter against me because I've never done those things. She has reported me to my mum and everybody who cares to listen. She tells them how proud I am. I've cooked multiple times and taken to her when I go to visit with the kids but she says it's not the same. I must be coming regularly to cook in her kitchen and do chores. That's what will make me stand out as a DIL and receive blessings from them.
She says that's the standard and she won't go less for any of her children. If she did it, I must also do it.
What is my husband saying you ask?
He was initially insisting I go and cook and clean for them but when he noticed I wasn't answering him, he just stopped talking about it. I'm confused. It's worrisome how she talks about it with so much hurt and bitterness every time I go there.
I have elder brothers that are married and my mother doesn't demand any of such from their wives. Please is it a criterion? Will this make me a bad DIL and attract curses upon me?
I'm beginning to dread visiting my in-laws because of this. Please note that I've never been confrontational in all of this. I just smile and say mummy sorry ma, I will find time and come. Please advice me because it's becoming choking. Thanks.
WHAT!!!... Please just continue to ignore going over to do what she says, dont stop visiting or spoiling her with gifts if you have any but please dont do it....What kind of Mother in law is this? na wah oh.....
Madam, please don't start what you can't continue because,if you do it once,you don enter be that o
ReplyDeleteIs your husband the only son or married son?
DeleteI won't do such.. Don't even start. Stick to Stella advice.. Inukwa ificha uno
Plz ignore her,she need a slave not Dil.
DeleteMadam poster face your front…my mother in law wanted the same from me too and wanted me to worship her but I stylishly ignored all her talk. Later, she’d act nice in front of me and bad mouthed me behind my back to all her family and who cares to listen but I still don’t care lol. Everyone in my husband family including my mother in law’s friends likes me except her. Thank God my husband is not a man-child, he ignored us both lol Now, I live abroad with my husband and kids, my mother in law wants to be acting like we are paddy. I called her once in a while and send her money on every festive period. You better stand your ground but do not fight or give any confrontational vibes. Use kindness kii her😀
DeleteI am sure your mother in law is Yoruba. Wives are treated like slaves there. Not in all cases though. Your mother in law wants to get her pound of flesh from you for what her in laws put her through. I jump and pass this kind of mother in law. Soon, she go scatter your marriage. Better go and serve her.
ReplyDeleteWhich Yoruba treats wife like a slave😐. As far as I'm concerned Yoruba's are very tolerant than some tribes,do your findings
DeleteKeep telling her sorry anytime she complains 🚶
ReplyDeleteSluttychic.
Telling her sorry for what? Is she ill?
DeletePlease stand your ground..na maid her pikin marry? So cos she did I during her time, you must serve her too? I swear, a lot of people need therapy because what's the sense in her request?
ReplyDeleteWell, try to be civil at first and make her understand why it can't be done.I'm even wondering how the people she reported you to handled the matter.
Poster the Lord is your strength
DeletePoster you need to apply wisdom. Do you have annual leave? If yes, include her in your schedule, I guess she just want to bond with you. Also get her a washing machine if she doesn't have i.e if you can afford it. Call her more often. Recharge her phone from time to time. It is well.
ReplyDeleteSomeone that has two maids? You think the washing machine is her problem?
DeleteWashing machine?
DeleteLol in Isoko.
Someone that has 2 maids and her daughter's living with her? Expecting a lady working 6 days a week and just trying to build her life to cook and do chores for her? Na wa oh!!!
DeleteJust imagine your mentality.. This is all shades of slavery and not bonding.
Deletebonding by cooking, washing, cleaning the house and maybe wash the MIl's bumbum.
DeletePerson get two maids! Two!!!
DeleteBond fire! If i was to be her son's wife and I'm a house wife, i won't still do nada for her. Is her Dil her slave?
DeletePoster ignore, I say jump and pass this.
DeleteDon't spend any holiday in that woman's house.
She will keep finding faults to hold against you, and probably throw out a smear campaign.
It is not about bounding ó, it is an old tradition that treating women like slave she refused to abolish but I blame posters husband for even supporting his mum. The first day she mentioned it he should have stop her by this his wife his protected from the constant arrasement from his mum
DeleteReport your husband to your people. Let them know how insensitive this man is. You have no business with his mother. He should be your covering from the wiles of his family. Since he has chosen to play the ostrich, direct all your angst at him,not his mother. You can even report him to other people and friends he holds in high regard. If you die from exhaustion, he won't mourn you long before his mother finds another wife for him.
ReplyDeleteWho inlaw blessings help? Mtchewww 🤬🤬
Wetin her husband do for this matter now? Report ke?
DeleteAre you sure we read the same thing? Please be calming down.
Delete15:12
DeleteYou want her to destroy her marriage with her own mouth?
What is the crime of the man who has stopped asking Poster to do his mother's bidding?
Poster, go report your husband at his work place. Going to your family will not be enough.
The crime of the man, is not cautioning his mother for demanding such from his wife! He should be his wife's covering. But trust Naija men who will rather choose their mothers over their wives any day!
DeleteYes really, she might have to report this issue to her family members. The guts on her husband and his mother asking her to do this nonsense in the first place!
DeleteNa wa,person go just dey reason upside-down,haba,report kwa?
Delete17:21
DeleteSo you expect the husband to tell his wife how angry he is with his mother and how he scolded her the last time she made her inordinate demands?
Na wa o.
Even that man who was hailed here for being emotionally intelligent by protecting his wife from his mother who wanted almost same thing as this woman, did not publicly fight his mother. He just arranged an excuse and his time to be present when his family would visit his mother.
Every husband learns sooner or later, sometimes with pains, not to rush into fights between the women (mother, aunties, sisters and wife) in his life.
So long as the husband is not nagging the Poster or quarreling with her over this matter, he is doing well.
No bi everi mata dem dey take bole ka ja solve O.
Well, I can't even start what I can't finish. I'd not even do it once. Which kind wahala be this one na?
ReplyDeleteI just don't understand why some women feel other people's daughters that are married to their sons should suffer what they suffered or more. Why? This is so wrong.
ReplyDeleteA man/husband should have empathy and protect his woman when needed, this is where your husband should speak for you poster and he is not doing so. Very sad.
It's said that what you can't continue or keep doing, don't bother starting it as it will be seen as eye service. This case is one of it. I don't think you should do all these cos you can't sef even if you want to as you can't kill yourself. Your health is important for you and your family I must say. I'm typing too much.
Keep showing her love and ignore. Say no more.
Na waaaa ooo, no be say househelps no dy, u still expect her to come nd do chores. Pls kindly ignore
ReplyDeleteHmmm, even if househelp no dey, me i know myself, i can't and won't do it. Working 6 days a week, with young children. Haha funny.
DeleteIgnore abeg! I have an aunty like this until one day the DIL cooked what she don’t know for her.. that was the last time she asked
ReplyDeletehahhahhahah.................. i love that DIL
Delete🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣,serves her right, even my youngest brother that got married yesterday won't give you little space to talk to his wife anyhow, I kinda blame posters husband, he should defend you before his Mom.
Delete😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣 probably she has intentionally added too much pepper or salt, as the mama dey eat the food she go dey vex.
Delete🤣🤣🤣🤣 the lady na correct baby.
DeletePoster, she's making those demands because you're living in the same state with them. If you were to be living very far from her, would she expect you to be traveling down to her house every weekend to do chores for her? Nawaa oo. If you think you can, do it occasionally. But if you know it's not convenient, please keep ignoring her, but continue to be nice to her.
ReplyDeleteImagine if this poster is an abroadian...sebi she will come from the abroad monthly and be washing plates and doing chores abi na when the family fit do visit which fit be every 5 years bases on security level...dem go see am...sebi the dirty clothes and plates will be piled up?
DeleteMil sees being a wife as slavery. According to her that is how she was treated. Hmmmm, so because you were treated that way means you must treat others same way? That is a bad way of thinking. People have to try to break toxic cycles. Poster you may have to respectfully remove yourself from such toxic environment. Try to explain things to your husband. You can't kill yourself na. Except you have power for such.
ReplyDeletePlease madam don't start what can't finish, your mother in law is just trying to be selfish here.
ReplyDeleteNo empathy from her.
keep telling her stories with smiles,gist her about how busy work has been and don't stop buying her gifts when visiting.
ReplyDeleteYou can also limit your visit,whenever you visit and will be sleeping over,you can join her maids in the kitchen to cook only.
There is no curse anywhere.
Poster, go there whenever you have the chance, asisst them in the kitchen or cleaning, are they not your family.
DeleteMarriage is not slavery
DeleteCome your papa no get motor to wash? Have they sent for your husband
Marriage is not slavery
DeleteCome your papa no get motor to wash? Have they sent for your husband
Keep ignoring her. Send gifts and cash the one wey you fit do oo, OK?
ReplyDeleteThere is no such curses.
Be respectful and care for them by sending gifts, foodstuffs and checking up.
Just cos someone’s daughter is married to her son. I can never ever never ever.tufiakwa ara gbakwa MIL
ReplyDeleteDo you know this your mil will not allow her daughters do all she wants you to do for her to their own mil?
ReplyDeleteKeep ignoring her. Someone above said she wants to bond with you. Who such bonding help? At whose expense?
Combining your family plus work and your mil, by the time you break down, this her son that's your husband that supported you go do chores there will still blame you for not being strong and compare you with his mother
Don't start what you can't finish.
Someone wants to bond and did not see Spa, Lunch or dinner date😂😂. Na cook and wash...God abeg o
DeleteBonding suffering
DeletePoster, from your write up, it shows and I feel you're a nice DIL and I totally undersand you in as much as I dont agree DILs disrespecting MILs whatsoever. Meanwhile, you can visit the family house maybe twice a year to help out just to fulfill all righteousness and so they won't have to tag you a bad DIL or conspire against you so your hubby can kick you out. And most importantly, do not stop showing her love like Stella said.
ReplyDeleteIt is still OK to visit on a weekend to help her with some chores then go back the following day if there are no maids and you think she needs assistance. But in this case, your MIL just wants to stress your life!
Someone that works 6 days a week?
DeletePls let's be realistic,she's not a machine,how can she go to work, take care of her home front and still go to MIL to work for her? Abeg especially cos MIL has maids and girls with her.this is not fair at all.abeg my dear don't start wat u cannot sustain.visit if u must to greet her but not to work for her.your mother has blessed u don't worry about hers.
Deletewomen are the enemies of themselve, she should kill herself cos she want to please her inlaws.
DeleteVisit at weekend for what? Please this comment you wrote, can you honestly do it if you were in this situation? Abeg, make we dey give realistic advice. Her MIL is not a deity that should be appeased. Inukwa aru.
DeletePoster DO NOT start what you cannot finish.
Delete@ All
DeleteSo you people cannot help your MILs if truly she needs assistance? No maids ooh. What is there if you spend a day with her out of your busy schedule to help her out, let's say once or twice a month? Smh
This submission is not realistic because this DIL equally needs someone to help her out.
DeleteTenny she has 2 maids!! She is not asking for help because she needs it, she wants to turn her DIL to her servant who worships the very ground she walks on.
DeleteYour darling husband initilally insisted but now not talking about it. Then he has no say or POV in the matter. And doesnt care about the consequences of his muteness.
ReplyDeleteDon't start what you yourself knows you can't finish, because she did all that does not mean you must do it too. Continue telling her that I'm sorry ma,I will find time and come cos the anger and bitterness that will follow when you start those things and then stop will be worst than what you are seeing now....you have two househelp yet you want your DIL to come and serve you,dear MIL what will those your help be doing na? You sef check am...so the kind of suffering your parent in law subjected you to ,u still want your DIL to go through that
ReplyDeleteWoman no do pass your strength ooh, because when the over stress start showing it's ugly face in your body, na you go suffer am. continue ignoring her, she doesn't mean well for you . Only you dey work six days a week, only you dey do house chores, only you get toddler to take care of, only you no come get house help and you still dey bother about your mother inlaw requests? Continue
ReplyDeleteDon't start what you can't finish. And Just so you know, even when you start, she will keep demanding for more and complain of your inadequate service.
DeleteLimit going there. But always visit with gifts ad you do.
Nothing like curses. Pray for wisdom to relate with her.
And for God to open her eyes to see her wrongs
That your MIL is not a good person. With your job, your toddlers, she is she expecting you to be coming to her house to do chores instead of sending one of her maids to be coming to your place to assist you?
ReplyDeleteAnon 15:45👌🏾I have professional successful sons and I’m praying like Folarin’s mom for very good wives for them. Is it me that will come and stress my daughters in laws? I pray to get good Godly ones that love my sons and that my sons love so I can pamper them with all my love as I pray my daughter too is pampered by her mother in law! Even me that married decades ago my MIL was very nice and never mean God rest her soul! Her focus should be on her “baby husband” who needs to stand up to his mom & tell her point blank NEVER to make such a request again. You can’t even try that with your kids here, they won’t come to visit you again, you will beg them to come! Unless she has “extra” powers. I speak as a good mom praying my kids in law never have to work 6 days a week. It’s too stressful for her to work 6 days a week. I won’t want any daughter in law of mine or my daughter to do that. I’m the one who will be going there to do her chores to give her days off with her husband. That is what my friends whose kids are married do. I am of Yoruba ancestry so the commenter that said Yorubas do it is not accurate. My MIL never did it.
DeleteEven now when I go & visit my single kids in their homes I am always doing things for them. They tell me to sit & relax but I’m always rearranging and taking cooked food to them though they can cook. Some Naija women can be heartless! Speak to your husband to handle it. He needs to man up.
18:43
DeleteWell said Ma'am. But the insult on the husband were not necessary. Husbands need not tell their wives ALL efforts they make behind the scenes to ease relationship between their wives and their families.
Husbands need not be seen fighting their families with blazing ferocity for their wives to show love and protection
Reading this chronicle, and taking it as is, you should know the kind of woman the Poster and her husband are up against. Poster can never know the MIL as her own son.
It is better to advise Poster to ignore, continue as usual, or give her tips on how to handle the matter than to advise her to tell her husband to man up. She is likely to turn on her husband and destroy her marriage in the process.
If I may ask, how should the husband man up? To beat up his mother or go tongue lash her specially on a visit with the Poster and in the presence of the maids?
There is a proverb that when a mosquito is biting a man on his scrotum, he doesn't man up in killing it. He uses wisdom in handling it.
Poster, focus on your marriage. Work to save and grow it unless MIL has made you tired of it.
And, Ma'am may Almighty Jehovah answer your prayers for your children.
Mr. Mann
Thank you but my use of “man-up” there was not an insult. I’m sorry if that’s how you perceive it but gender roles have been redefined to favor men in that she works 6 days a week and still does her own home making work then the Mom-in-law is asking her to come and add more chores? A man is supposed to love, protect and defend their wives so she will not have to defend herself. “Open rebuke is better than secret love” is what the Bible says in proverbs so man-up is like just asking the man to be the man that he is. I’m not one to insult so that wasn’t the intent.
DeleteDon't do nada
ReplyDeleteYou aren't anybody's slave jare
I'm of the school of thought, that says you shouldn't start what you cant finish. stand ur ground and stand firm please. that's just the beginning more is coming so it's u start saying no
ReplyDeleteThe problem nowadays is that people think it’s only men or their family that needs to investigate his the wife’s family,women and their families too need to start investigating their husbands family thoroughly to avoid or reduce all these kind of stories.
ReplyDeleteWomen have always investigated
DeleteWho told you that? Maybe your own villge people. In my place, women's family will investigate and dig out everything from centuries ago. You go fear fear. Them get PhD first dat one. I give it to them.👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
DeletePoster sorry o but your MIL is not nice anything... A nice person will never demand such from you and you said she even has househelps. Something she wouldn't let her own daughters do
ReplyDeleteThank you! Her mother inlaw is authoritative, inconsiderate, self centred, rude, disrespectful, manipulative, scheming and more.
DeleteThis is the worse Chronicle I've ever read on this block.
Poster turn your MIL into prayer point, ask GOD to.ocvupy not to remember you for evil
Delete🤣🤣🤣🤣 what kind of thing is this?! Can't you tell her point blank you won't do it. Why are you massaging her ego? Tell her you won't do it and you won't expect your future daughter inlaw to do it. If she wants to get angry let her start now and stop when she's tired. So because you don't want to be confrontational you are allowing her walk all over you? If I were you, the very minute she says it is the time I will give her a very strong attitude, she will never dream of such again.
ReplyDeletecorrect
DeleteI wonder if the men can chip in. A man should NEVER put his wife in a position of exchanging words with his mom. Poster your husband is still a baby. Silence can be acquiescence to either party. He needs to take a stand and tell his mother to back off. Don’t exchange words with her so there is no opportunity to tag you as rude. I don’t understand some guys. Stand up for your wives. My adult sons can politely tell us anything including “mom/dad stop it”. It’s not that hard!
DeleteAnon 18:48 where did you read exchange words? and when did one speaking her mind to say "I won't do it" become exchange of words. Some of you are so timid.
DeleteMy write up is not that hard to comprehend. I have been married for 3 decades. She will eventually exchange words with her when pushed to the wall if the man does not defend her by saying a firm “no my wife is too busy”. Some of you come and insult other commenters with more to offer just because it’s a blog. It’s the reason many of us who have visited for a decade choose anonymity. It’s not hard to just write your own comment or advice for the woman. God bless you
DeleteDear Poster ..
ReplyDeleteDo You, with time every other things will fall in place. Please don't start what you cannot finish 🤞
Please ignore her and stop telling her sorry o because it makes her to feel your that you are not doing well, just explain to her how busy you are ,l believe she will understand and reason with you.
ReplyDeletesame thing i was saying, telling her sorry means she has offended her and she owe the cooking, washing and cleaning.
DeleteIt was what she did during her own time that she expected her daughter Inlaw also to do not knowing that time has changed, who still does all these suffer head work for any Mother Inlaw again in this new age? Just continue ignoring her when she tire she go rest.
ReplyDeleteLol..
ReplyDeleteWomen wahala..
They understand themselves better..
My hand no dey👏🚶🚶
Dante, please come back o. The women want men to chip in today. On a normal day, they would not even welcome a man's perspective.
DeletePoster, please don't go and do pass yourself. Continue to visit her with your cooked foods.
ReplyDeleteI guess you are yoruba and same with her...women always women problem. when she was doing it did she enjoy it? was she happy? Pls continue ignoring her.. don't start what you cannot finish. She does not even pity you, going to work Monday to Saturday and only Sunday you have to rest you will go and slave for her to proof she has DIL.. I think there is more to her demands..
ReplyDeleteShe is not nice at all, if she is she won't enforce that slavery she suffered on you. Did she enter covenant that her DIL must serve her or what? it is the height of wickedness to have 2 helps and still want you to do Iyawo wa thingy in this civilised world.
Will she want her daughters to suffer what she suffered?
Women, we can do better. Do unto you DIL what you want done to your daughters. That it was done to you (most of which you are not happy about) does not mean you should do same to your DIL..Na mama too born her she no be slave.
Nonsense! Monster in law. Don’t go anywhere oo and don’t start it !
ReplyDeleteWhat kind of slavery , suffering mentality is this ?
Lady MorgiannE
Most MIL are like this.they want their DIL always around them.pls poster if u want peace in ur home, ignore whatever they say and continue to be nice to ur MIL, u can spend the weekend sometimes and shower her with gifts.goodluck dear
ReplyDeleteShower her with gifts bawo? Hehehe. Is she a priestess?
DeleteWhat kind of backward and wicked character is this?
ReplyDeleteWhy the hell will someone reason like this? Is this not witchcraft?
I blame your man in all these, and you too shouldn't have indulged her by claiming you will do such when you have time.
How will your man ask you to consider doing what his mom demands? Is he not supposed to discuss with his mom and make her stop saying those rubbish things and demands to you?
Hmm I have never met such people and I will not meet them iJN. God forbid bad thing. So because you were enslaved in your marriage you want to enslave another woman, is it not better to change the narrative by starting with your daughter inlaw?
I have noticed that many women who were maltreatment by their husband's and parent inlaws want to do the same to their daughter inlaws, it should be so, the narrative should be changed abeg.
See poster chin up, and keep your head up and tell your man to talk to his mom to stop expecting you to slave for them, or you tell her by yourself if he doesn't.
Let her face her home and leave you alone.
Na witches and wizzards dey do this kind person..true true one person wey I know well na so her mother-in-law dey want maltreatment am simply cos her own husband maltreatment her, and na the sons of these kind women I blame pass cos tell suppose clarify thier mama say e no fit happen.
May we not marry backward, timid, unexposed men and their families.
Delete18:16
DeleteAMEN
Hmmm what a mess. Im sorry but nigerian marriage is just a nightmare.
ReplyDeleteYou must be a foreigner. What brought Nigerian marriages into this post. Are all Nigerian marriages like this? Have you not read Bvs with ID sing praises of their marriages here? Are you indirectly calling those Bvs as ...?
DeleteJust continue to ignore so you don’t start what you can’t finish.
ReplyDeleteWhy do some Nigerians like passing “suffering” to the next generation, the fact that you suffered doesn’t mean the next person should.
If you were too “timid” to stand up for yourself, don’t make another person suffer for it.
Push up (original)
Dear poster, Mama has a mindset that needs to be rewired. She was treated badly and she has it engrained in her. She doesn't see why it should not be like that. Your husband is the one to painstakingly remove the mindset that you by rewiring her mind and expectations. And making her see that it is not workable.
ReplyDeletei was angry reading your chronicle, how can your mother ion lawa ask you to leave your children and come and be cooking, cleaning and bathing her if possible. Are you her slave or a jobless wife. Is time some mil understand that their son's wives are not househelp or slaves to their in-laws.
ReplyDeleteMy two brothers are married and i cannot remember anyone of them going to my family house to cook, clean or even bath my parent. When my parents visited their home they cook,- and serve them but for my mum to be calling them to come and wash or cook nothing of such.
Next time she talk about that you should not apologize or give her hope, just tell her you have heard her. You need to reduce going to visit her, if you visit her every week just reduce it to once a week. Use work and complete the story how your work has change, your manager is giving you more job.
Poster, you know what, tell your dad to call your husband for farming and carpenter work.
ReplyDeleteTell him to keep calling until your husband responds, let him also go and report to his mum
Can you imagine this level of see finish, who even born anyone to call my mother to tell me this kind of talk, my mother will not even try calling me
Push up (original)
Some people are like this .
ReplyDeleteMy sister in-law then will always say this, and when she do,I just tell my brothers are married too and I don't ask them to do all these, I'm not brought up that way..
She talked and talked,no answer and go tired..I only helped when I met her doing it...
Reduce ur going there,let her know u are very busy...over familiarity causeS this too.
your last paragraph said it all.
DeleteThere's something I like about the western world. It's their ability to speak up for themselves whether politely or rudely. You will sha get the message and it will be digested inside you. Can an American woman ask her DIL to come and do housegirl work? The DIL fit even call police and charge the woman for threat to life 😆. I know the next thing you will say is we are Africans. So if you are Africans, drop everything western and enter bush na. Lol.
ReplyDeleteThe only people humans respect are those who don't allow others to dictate to them. Once people know that you don't take nonsense, they'll so respect you and give you space. Before they tell you any crap, they'll think twice. See madam, the fault is hugely yours. Your smiling and answering ma, is what is bringing the continuation of this madness. I don't have time for 'dogon turenci' today. Just simply tell Mama this (if liver go gree you ooo. Because some of you ladies worship marriage and can allow yourselves to be destroyed to answer good wives):
Anytime she brings up the matter again, tell her the following;
- You won't come and do house chores for her. She should find alternative. Point out her already existing alternatives. Tell her point blank. Please don't smile. What exactly are you smiling for. Something wey pain you sotey you write chronicle. That smiling part got me angry.
- That you have children in tender age. You need to attend to them.
- That she did it for her in-law does not mean you should do it.
- That what she is asking is inconveniencing and you won't inconvenience yourself. Hoha!
I will also suggest (well this is my style, like what I'll do if na me. hehehe). Don't go over to her place for a very long time. When she calls, give excuses upon excuses. Infact, give her ridiculous excuses and she'll read in between the lines.
One more thing, she'll definitely contact your husband. When he asks you, just become temporarily dumb. He'll try severally and give up. Na so the matter go take die. This is to avoid misunderstanding between you and him. No go dey beg am. Since he doesn't want to play his role as your protector from his family, you gats protect yourself.
Don't worry, mama will adjust. Humans always adjust to what they cannot change. Also pray about it. Just in case there's a spiritual angle to it. God bless you.
MIL dey find trouble, you say Poster should answer am like Americana or European. Hmmmn.
DeleteAs you said, it is better for Poster to minimize her visits than to tell her American or Oyibo answer.
It would be nice to see Nigerian women asking for and insisting on American and European lifestyle marriages in all ways apart from in-law families demands. You know, the whole 6yards - no bride price, no elaborate weddings unless State funded as for the royals, no family also ebi, no family contributions, no carrying of one child from wives family to train, no his money our money my money my own, 50/50 responsibility for all expenses even from the dating stages, you know the way it is presented in books, etc.
This is not to support the MIL here, but to show some men want this Oyibo marriage some female Bvs always clamour for. At least, no brother in law will beef you for not sending him money or taking a child off him to cater for simply because you married his younger or elder sister or no father in law will ask you to build him a house or repair his leaking roof because you married his daughter.
SIMPLE
DeleteMen are the reason why family members don't respect their wives. You don't owe your mother in-law any house chores. If she did it to her own in-laws, that's her business. If she insist, buy her a washing machine and employ a cook and a cleaner for her. She should understand that times have changed and people need to be allowed to live their lives on their own terms. Your husband no try at all. Cant he talk to his mother to stop the rubbish?
ReplyDeleteShe has TWO HOUSEHELPS.
DeleteTWO.
Did you not read this same chronicle?
She has her OWN DAUGHTERS living with her.
What again?
Just some backward person with primitive ideologies and a timid husband.
Simple.
Pity.
Anon, I read it and I know she does have two helps. Let her add two more to it for every thing she wants her to do for her. A coke, A cleaner and a washing machine. Make them plenty for her house.
DeleteThis one na witchcraft ooo, control and domestic servitude, na so for Africa....pheeew, the female child has suffered chai!
ReplyDeletePls try and drop one day
ReplyDeleteYou’re working too hard or beg mama for one of her maids to come help you one day a week 😁
There's something I like about the western world. It's their ability to speak up for themselves whether politely or rudely. You will sha get the message and it will be digested inside you. Can an American woman ask her DIL to come and do housegirl work? The DIL fit even call police and charge the woman for threat to life 😆. I know the next thing you will say is we are Africans. So if you are Africans, drop everything western and enter bush na. Lol.
ReplyDeleteThe only people humans respect are those who don't allow others to dictate to them. Once people know that you don't take nonsense, they'll so respect you and give you space. Before they tell you any crap, they'll think twice. See madam, the fault is hugely yours. Your smiling and answering ma, is what is bringing the continuation of this madness. I don't have time for 'dogon turenci' today. Just simply tell Mama this (if liver go gree you ooo. Because some of you ladies worship marriage and can allow yourselves to be destroyed to answer good wives):
Anytime she brings up the matter again, tell her the following;
- You won't come and do house chores for her. She should find alternative. Point out her already existing alternatives. Tell her point blank. Please don't smile. What exactly are you smiling for. Something wey pain you sotey you write chronicle. That smiling part got me angry.
- That you have children in tender age. You need to attend to them.
- That she did it for her in-law does not mean you should do it.
- That what she is asking is inconveniencing and you won't inconvenience yourself. Hoha!
I will also suggest (well this is my style, like what I'll do if na me. hehehe). Don't go over to her place for a very long time. When she calls, give excuses upon excuses. Infact, give her ridiculous excuses and she'll read in between the lines.
One more thing, she'll definitely contact your husband. When he asks you, just become temporarily dumb. He'll try severally and give up. Na so the matter go take die. This is to avoid misunderstanding between you and him. No go dey beg am. Since he doesn't want to play his role as your protector from his family, you gats protect yourself.
Don't worry, mama will adjust. Humans always adjust to what they cannot change. Also pray about it. Just in case there's a spiritual angle to it. God bless you.
MIL and drama.
ReplyDeletePoster continue to ignore her, let her rant all she wants, that's her business.
ReplyDeleteTry to minimise the number of times you see her, those kind of people are never satisfied even if you cut your head on a platter and present to them.
Who wan vex make e vex, this life na one.
17:03 may we not marry men who are toddlers in marriage. Who are just their to take title but cannot protect their wives.
ReplyDeleteOne word from this man to his mother and the mother in law would have stopped her harassment immediately, but thr small pikin (husband) is probably still scared of his mother.
Pity.
The few people advising poster to go and do what the mother inlaw wants are even annoying me more than the mother inlaw. What rubbish?!
ReplyDeletePoster, is this your mother inlaw the bread winner of your household? I don't understand.
My dear that your mother inlaw is not a nice person, I will advise you to cut her off completely. Don't allow your children around her; those are the mother inlaws who will give tribal marks or even circumcision to your children in your absence without asking you. They think you are beneath them because you married their children.
Thats how one of my mother in-law friend,not mother in-law o,that lives in same town with us wants me to be worshipping her,coming to her house to do maid, mother in-law isn't staying here with us,but her friend carry matter for head, always carrying nose that I don't visit ,someone that you'll visit and will be doing big woman for you, 2 hrs she won't come our to see you. She will not pack rotten rice for her daughter to take home,she's a big caterer,she caters for big events. So she always have keft over in her freezer.
ReplyDeleteFirst thing I did was to start rejecting that food, I always tell her I have already cooked at home, until she started talking to be like a small girl, omo I lock up, I greet ger whenever we jam. Now she has respect for me, and she always see me in new dimension. There was a time she said I didn't allow hubby to be coming to her so she can be guarding us on how to do ,and what to invest as mumu wey we be,someone that can't keep secrets. Now she will say I'm now a big woman o,as if na she bring me come this town.
💯👍🏾
ReplyDeleteI don’t get this. Your man cannot stand up to his mom? You obviously share financial responsibilities. Face your man to stand up for you
ReplyDeleteEnough said. Poster you are actually handling it very well, just continue to be yourself.
ReplyDelete100% correct. God bless you for this.
DeletePlease don't ever try what your mother in law is suggesting. She wants to turn you into a slave. Don't be surprised she will also expect you to be doing same for her married daughters. Pamper her with gifts if she isn't satisfied face your front. Na marry you marry , you no kill person.
ReplyDeleteMadam take a week leave from work and faint in your house let your husband too take responsibility of the home for a week!
ReplyDeleteIgnore, ignore, ignore!!!!
ReplyDeleteIf she asks you in front of people, tell her you are very busy. The woman already hates you. She just dey find your mouth.
Don't listen to anyone telling you to do it once a year. Don't start what you cannot finish.
All of us blaming the man are just going to ruin the marriage by turning Poster on or against her husband.
ReplyDeleteNothing the man can do in this case narrated by Poster.
Our people ask: What is a person seeking when he comes to beg you for palm oil to eat his cooked palm fruit?
Those of us who grew up in the villages know that palm oil comes from palm fruit. And there lies the answer.
Two maids. A Daughter. She wants her Daughter in law to scrub in simply because she did the same for her MIL. And we are blaming the man? What for? Not scolding or beating his mother to stop her demands?
The Bible says wisdom is profitable to direct.
The man is cowardly or lazily not stylishly warning his mother off
DeleteOne or two comments from him but no,he is missing in action from his protector ROLE
Poster ask Holy Spirit to guide you on this matter
Slavery.
ReplyDeleteSlavery.
ReplyDeleteYour MIL is a trouble maker. Please try to avoid her. Dont ever go and do omo odo. You will regret it.
ReplyDeletePoster limit the number of times you visit, mostly check up on her on phone. You aren't her slave, you were not sold to slavery. Ignore your husband concerning the issue. What happened to her was because she made to believe she must do it but ìlù tí yí orin tí change, you are her daughter in law not a slave.
ReplyDeleteIt's well
ReplyDeleteHmmmm..... it's not necessary u go there to do house chores, just go give instructions to maids on her to do chores....maybe that's all she wanted.
ReplyDeleteShe did it during her own time, she wants to receive hers. Any day you visit her, clean/dust her TV set whether clean or not. After that, leave.
ReplyDeleteWhat annoys me the most is that the husbands don’t speak up.. they will
ReplyDeleteNow be expecting you to compromise. Your mother in law is a stupid bitch. Just like my MIL. I have ignored them very well. One day I sent them a strong warning and now they just rest. What kind of joblessness is that?