Hmmmm..
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STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
BLINDED BY LOVE
Good day BVs...
Good day BVs...
I woke up sad.....
I want to leave my marraige,this marraige is dragging me back.... lived in Lagos lekki , i got married to my course mate and we moved to Agbor in delta state but Stella life in agbor doesn’t suit me ..
I can’t even wear ny classy cloths ,no shopping mall ,no nice hanging out spot ,no classy friends ,my business is not up to their standard that can’t afford what I see .
I am becoming so miserable in this marraige,miserable and broke because this location doesn’t suit me ,I need my happiness back .
I thought love is enough but I just realized love is not enough .
Every day I hate my self , hate my life,hate this place .
I am a very classy chic and I dont think I can survive here .I know how far I would have gone in terms of business and meeting the right client for my business if I were to be in lekki but my husband insists we stay here ,.
what will become of me if he decides to dissapoint me in the future cos I need to be financially strong too not just him alone ,you guyz know men can change at anytime .I need my life back love blinded me...
Didnt you know all this before you married this man? My dear, love is for better for worse oh...if this is the only problem you have then you dont have any problem, stay there and build your home.... As you no see waka waka do now you are complaining..... Lekki does not have anything for you anymore.....Sebi me too relocated to join my husband? Am i complaining? LOL.... please stay there!!!
Ah ah!
ReplyDeleteWhy even leave a highbrow area like Lekki that's bubbly for some Agbor in Delta state?
You have made the wrong decision and it be nice you live with it.
Alternatively,you can move to Lekki whilst your hubby stays in Delta.
Just be giving advice that will scared the marriage. Madam, either u stay and find ways to use the internet do ur business or convince your hubby to see things your way or u do what makes u happy and loose ur marriage in the process
Delete🤣🤣🤣
DeleteI am seriously laughing
Who married a slay queen and took her to agbor ?
My dear, calm down, I don’t think you really ever loved your husband because what does it have to with the state you live.
I think you are used to the inspiring (competitive) life style lagos is, now you don’t feel motivated.
In every state there must be “janded” people, why not move to those areas, change your line of business if it’s not selling.
Go into hair business because of the kind of people there, you can have all kinds of grades of hair, so your clientele will be massive.
Push up (original)
I can relate with this poster, mine was not marriage that made me relocated to a smaller city Fukuoka from Tokyo in Japan . I was depressed, it was really difficult for me to cope the first 11/2 years but now I’m coping after having some friends. Still working on going back. While trying to work things out with your husband try to network to find likeminded people and build your business from there
DeleteGo and visit your friend in lekki then go again. Sometimes you just need to visit when you relocate
ReplyDeleteYou might find out a few things
One might be that you really want to move back. Another might be that you loved the life you lived there but that life is no longer there or no longer what it used to be. Third you might find a way to enjoy both places. Perhaps you find a business that takes you to lekki regularly
Also, it’s possible you’re depressed at this point. Take it seriously before something else happens. When moving made my friend depressed, they actually moved back. Her husband was worried she would hurt herself. Sometimes though all you need is time. Take some time to try enjoying the place. Maybe start a YouTube channel talking about your experience in Agbor talking about how hard the move is. Could be therapeutic but also money earning. Allow yourself love on your husband more while you’re home
I’m considering a move myself to a place where I’d only know one or two people. It’s not easy at all
Thank you very much you are right I am really depressed abt all this ,I had a life b4 marraige yes I know after marriage some lifestyle wil reduce but not totally changing to something beyond me.I don’t go to clubs while in lekki I never did runs ,I jus miss my shop I miss everything about my business and a little hang out with my frnds not just any how friends my hardworking friends,I don’t hang out all the time at least twice a month. No friends here yet 😭
DeleteNot married but be selfish with your happiness because there are people with spouses living abroad and doing fine, you have only one life to live and live it well.
DeleteMaybe try convincing your husband to move to warri, still within delta state.
DeleteThat way you are closer to civilization and your husband is not too far off his place of work too.
I know marriage is an achievement to most of you but you can't compare someone who relocated abroad, which is much saner and with a very encouraging economy to be able to pursue your dreams to Agbor. That is a village compared to Lagos. Location, Location, location matters... not just for your sanity but for evolving society. It's like turning a fully trained doctor to a housewife. But in your case love took you there so it's either you adapt or create a life without your husband. Also, this is a classic example of marrying someone who has the same MINDSET with you. A sophisticated woman who lived in the city and a man who loves a quiet rural town can only be together if one agrees to sacrifice and that's obviously you...so live with it or deal with it.
DeleteDon’t use business as an excuse… if na classy hangout or shopping mall na that one I go hear! beht madam ashewo don dey enter your eye abi?
ReplyDeleteWahala for who marry slay queen o.
DeleteMadam aproko queen ,so u are trying to say any woman that has high taste is an ashawo 🤦🏽♀️What does shopping mall have to do with ashawo lifestyle, I don’t go to d market I buy most of my stuff from the shopping mall so does that makes me an ashawo?
DeletePoster, you didn't state if your husband works or has a business in Agbor. If he works there, try and get him to submit his CV to companies in Lagos and if he runs a business, try and see if he can start a business in Lagos as well. Since you roll with the big girls, try see if they can use their connection to get a job for your husband..
DeleteThere’s no way you guys didn’t talk about this kind of hefty decision before you got married so why are you complaining now?if you no wan stay make you go
ReplyDeleteAh I understand you and I feel bad for you. Please seat your husband down and talk to him, let him know how serious you are about moving. Before you take a decision.
ReplyDeleteOkotorigba🤣🤣🤣🤣
ReplyDeleteThis one na slay mama, ngwanu go back to lekki na and continue your gallivanting/business if it makes you happy.
Do you have kids?
Tori wor wor
When I see such complaints, who am I to say don't do it? 😄 I'd give you transport sef. Sneering: Go Waka, eyan Johnny Walker. I don't want you to be miserable sis😄 leave tonight.
ReplyDeleteSomeone posted something painful to her and you are laughing at her? Do you know the pains she currently going through as a result of the relocation? Let's be nice to people pls.
DeleteWhat stupid pain… doesn’t she know marriage is all about compromise and sacrifices before she carried her self centered self into it?
DeleteLol… see her.
ReplyDeleteShe had to look for a way to make a man who hasn’t disappointed her to look like he definitely will so as to garner support…
you sure will get the advice you crave for here because your likes abound here too. Especially those women who hate to hear tales of a happy marriage and are always quick to serve advice that would lure some other foolish married women like this poster back into their single bitter women’s group.
This one wasn’t ready for marriage na. I feel so bad for that man who thought he had found a life partner.
Aunty we know wetin dey hungry you. Go on and ‘do what makes you happy’.
Stellalicious, let me borrow the hailing from sisi abeg. This your responds set Wella. Lol.
ReplyDeleteThis poster is not ready.
ReplyDeleteWhy did you get married to your husband?
Since you are a classy chick you would have gone for a classy man. That stays in lekki.
What do you now want us to do?
Stella your relocation is different from lekki to agbor.
Something-light
Hmmm agbor is different from germany ooooo
ReplyDeleteMadam. You can do your business online and deliver to clients anywhere in the world. Your location doesn't matter. Put your mind in your marriage and make it work. E be like say your eye still dey outside.
ReplyDeleteThis!!! Focus on building your business online. I moved from PH to Umuahia for work and found a way to be happy.
DeleteLocate the nice joints there and treat yourself when you can, it's not Lekki standard but it's something.
Marriage is all about commitment and sacrifice..
ReplyDeleteYou cannot compare Lekki and Agbor.
Relax and enjoy your marriage..
Agbor is not so bad if you have the right links, so na our very own Agbor where I was born and bred,cone waka come Lekki, you dey insult so, we miss the sleep till 7am b4 standing up to go to school, the air, d freedom, if u have the right links up to Asaba na pure joy, the problem I see is that you don't have friends there,and the less glamorous most times fake life in Lekki dey enter your eye, leave that man in peace n find ur way back to Lekki.
DeleteLol at classy babe. Be deceiving yourself as wear kai
ReplyDelete‘Lekki babe’ stay there o nothing Dey here we just Dey manage.
ReplyDeleteDon’t look back, if you do you will be blinded to the opportunities right in front of you!!! There are a lot of things and businesses you can do from your location and even service the people in lekki and nation wide, you can reach anywhere with the internet.
My sister got married and relocated from lekki to ikorodu, she resigned from her job as a teacher, her boss and colleagues discouraged her and wondered what she would do with her life in a place as remote as that.
I’m happy to tell you that after 2years of relocating, she now has a big poultry, and other businesses, bought a 5 bedroom bungalow, she drives a brand new suv plus other 2 cars all these are her personal stuff not including her husband’s properties
This is someone that worked in a school for 10yrs with nothing to show for it, she was living in a single room!!
So dear, ask God to open your eyes to opportunities around you, there’s nothing he can’t do. All the best
I can imagine how you're feeling, poster. Relocation after marriage is a decision every couple has to make before saying 'I do'. Love truly isn't enough. If you're someone that has ambition, goal and drive. It is better to marry someone on the same pedestal. Someone like me cannot give up my dreams because of marriage, rather me and my spouse would have to find a common ground, otherwise resentment would set in and I would end up loosing my self in the process.
ReplyDeleteI think you should talk to your husband about how you feel, to see if you can relocate to the city or town in Delta State, such as Warri, Asaba, Ughelli. There are modern facilities there. You can also be coming down to Lagos to shop or restock some of your items and start considering selling online, so that you can reach people in far places. If delivery is your issue, you can attach free delivery to your products, but add the delivery fee to your selling price. You can reach more customers that way. You don't necessarily need to live in Lagos, to have the type of life you desire. You need to think outside the box to make the best of your situation.
Thank you so much I am the poster you are the only person that understands how I truly feel it not easy for me because I am a very ambitious woman I gave up everything for this marriage,I love working I love making money I was never a runsgirl.
DeleteLook for any "Lekki people" type of business you can start on a small scale. You may be amazed how it will pull your kind of people around out of their shells. I believe there is a big school in Agbor. How far is Agbor from Asaba?
DeleteBest wishes.
@ano 15:56, wish I was the one in that state, would have started my dream biz since. Poster pls start poultry bizness. Train chicken and snail, I'm sure u have space for this biz. If possible add fish farming. Poster forget your line of posh biz and do this biz I mentioned here and thank me later. Start snail farming with just 10k and count millions in the next one year. Poster try and keep yourself busy so u can enjoy your new location. Stay put in your marriage and take care of yourself. It's well
DeletePoultry biz is not for everyone
DeleteDon't mind them 17:29
DeletePoultry that smells like what i don't know
Follow internet people mouth and fall sick
Thank you for this advice jare, I don't know why people are trivialising poster's challenge.
DeleteIt's not about ashewo moves or whatsoever.
This is me laughing at your husband for ignoring all the cool headed women on his level to go for a "high maintenance" babe like you.🤣🤣
ReplyDelete🤣🤣🤣 you are mean.
DeleteIt’s love. It’s not about high or low maintenance
DeleteLmao @Relocated to join my husband.. Stella sweetie, Abeg yours na enjoyment relocation oh jare! Dear poster, I have been there and I know that feelings so well, think about it, your marriage is still young (as you did not mention kids,) you haven’t started thinking about building a home as you still haven’t realised what marriage entails, I believe the ‘Lekki’ life style you described are that of a single, and free lady, it isn’t that of a woman with family in mind! From the points you made it shows you are more out for your comfort (ie hangouts,friends,environment, and business) no mention about what life style your husband wants for both of you! What if he is the quiet type? Who doesn’t like such lifestyle? What if he is the ‘churchie’ type that likes more religious filled activities? When do you plan on making babies? On what strong foundation do you want to lay for them in terms of building up a family? Why didn’t you take enough time to think about all of these things before getting into marriage? Poster, if you ask me, I have a name for your kind… ‘Self-centred’. Take it or leave, with your kind of mindset, you aren’t ready to build a HOME! I too had to give up my career as first class flight attendant in one of the very known airline companies just to be a stay home mum and am proud because what will I gain flying all over the world with my trolleys and apron faking smiles daily, switching and adjusting to times, meeting or seeing different dignities as well as their families enjoying and not able to BOAST of one I can call mine? It’s vanity baby!! Follow your husband’s advice, come down, be meek and humble, the new environment might not be as bad as you see it!
ReplyDelete@Poster… ‘Men can disappoint’ are you already wishing yourself Divorce?? What kind of city unready wife sef you be?? Mtcheeeewww
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I understand how you feel because I was in a similar situation.
ReplyDeleteWhen I got married, I had a very good job in a big city, while my husband earned over 3 times my salary in one of the poorest states in the east. At the time, it made financial sense to resign and move over, coupled with insecurity in the country. Like you, I became very bored after a while and I kinda felt like I was wasting away in a remote place. Financially, we were doing well but I wasn't really happy.
Things that helped us: i travelled most times with my husband when he had to go to the HQ for meetings (this was were I lived before) seeing my friends make me happy.
Secondly, we made sure there was always light at home, so I had some form of entertainment while my husband was at work
Thirdly, I started to volunteer my time with some NGOs, it kept me really busy and was a great opportunity for me to be of service to others
Finally, as a family, we decided that moving out of the country will be better for us, we could both do what we enjoy doing and earn more. Fortunately for us, our careers are in high demand abroad, so it was easy for me to get a job outside the country
Have an open conversation with your husband about how you really feel, I pray he understands your perspective and you guys both come up with solutions that are beneficial to you both
Thank you so much 🙏
DeleteWhen in a relationship take care of you first and love you first before you enter. If your life and plans don’t align with another persons plans, please don’t marry them. Love is not the only reason to marry a man. It is one of the reasons tho. You rushed and you have no choice but to stay. If you don’t like it, then start a business from your home afterall there are people who buy things from outside Lagos and have it delivered to them. Start first and you may get what you need. You can visit Lagos to get equipments for your business and in the process get new clients. Also talk to a psychiatrist cos it seems like you are depressed. There are many online psychiatrists that can help for a stipend.
ReplyDeletePoster may God grant u more wisdom.alot of single ladies are out there praying for a man.u have one, wishing to leave him cos of a lavish lifestyle.well,the decision is yours to make
ReplyDeleteEverybody's problem is valid, the fact that people are praying for husband doesn't mean some women aren't miserable in their marriages. I will advise the poster to focus on growing her business online, laptop and data with a little capital and she is set.
DeleteVery shallow reasoning. Typical nigerian sense
DeleteWooooowwww.... I never knew not going to the shopping mall, not wearing class clothes can drive one into depression. It's a bit confusing for me.
ReplyDeleteIf that's where your husband's job is, it'll be difficult to move. You could tone down your business to suit your area and you can also sell online except if you're ready to live apart. But the question is if your husband is ready for that. But I really don't think this is enough reasons to want to leave your marriage.
You’ve made the thing so basic
DeletePls try to think beyond basic. It’s a change in lifestyle and vision that’s getting to her. Sigh I can’t type more
I am the poster
DeleteThanks so much you just analyze it
I wish they understood me like you do
They will bash u oh but I understand where u are coming from. You should never have agreed to marrying him knowing it involves u relocating from lekki to Agbor na.
ReplyDeleteThere’s one advice there that I agree with.
Thank you so much eka 🙏 Thank you Thank you
DeleteHonestly, some of the comments here nawa! See someone even saying she has ashewo in her. I have gone through it so I know exactly how she feels. Poster your feelings are valid. I pray you find a solution that would suit you and your family
DeleteOmo, the comments here are nerve wrecking. It's like most of them are frustrated, hence the tendency to pour out their frustration on the poster. Most of them bashing her did not even offer solution or advice, just bashing and coughing out their frustration.
DeleteEmotional maturity and ability to think rationally and protect solutions, seem to be problems of some bvs.
I understand you my darling, I left Lagos too to be married in eastern part , having left all the good life to be here sometimes bring regrets when I go down memory lane,in ur case you have business of your own,u can easily go online and get the client u desire depending on the type of service u offer.we that was on paid job but came down here to meet little or nothing,it's sacrifice we do for love.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much
DeleteSome guys don’t even need to be in “agbor”
ReplyDeleteThey just don’t want people to say they moved to their wife’s location so they’ll insist on it even if the girls location is better for the couple
You can build a life where you are uf you patient and look closely enough. A friend of mine stayed behind in a rural part of Nigeria to marry her husband and we all thought she was ment because na Lagos big babe then. She is now an influencial person in the state even more successful than most of her city girlfriends .
ReplyDeleteDifference is she wanted to be there
DeletePoster if you move here you will not have many occasions to wear your “classy” clothes. Many 🇺🇸dress simply, work often and have four seasons. Winter is all about sweater in my state. I used to dress in skirt suits to work in a global corporation and hang out with friends and family every weekend until we relocated to the 🇺🇸 The adjustment was tough so I get it.
ReplyDeleteUnless you join the “any party goes” crowd, you will only have few parties during the summers to wear your fancy clothes. I have lace I bought at thousands of naira that I haven’t worn twice in 15 years! The living room parties are few in a 24-hr economy as many work different schedules. Church is the only place to dress up for as folks here are extremely casual to work. Even many in Naija churches are struggling and you don’t want to appear loud & insensitive! I felt very lonely when I got here decades ago. There was no SM or widespread internet. I grabbed the white pages and started looking at the Nigerian last names…that was how I met an old classmate doing her residency and met more and more folks in the small town. It made our stay there more fun. We left for a bigger metro after some years there. It happens even abroad. Enjoy this season of your life. Loneliness is real here. Set up your store on IG & FB. Post often & link your friends online. It’s temporary, you may be surprised your husband is trying to move as well if you talk about it but don’t be miserable while there and don’t quit your marriage.
Poster na town wey dem born me you dey drag like this o.
ReplyDelete🤣🤣
Anyway poster, sometimes love alone is not enough.
I believe you already knew the plan before agreeing to marry this Agbor guy. Or were you desperate to answer Mrs? Love can be blind o chai, sorry sis.
There are few classy people in that town, they are minding their business and running their lives comedy.
My family house is there but I reside in Abuja If not I would have said let's become bestie and try makeup for what you are looking for.
The deed has been done, you have two options,
1. Enjoy your marriage irrespective of all the things that stand as obstacle,
2. Check out of the marriage cos resentment can do a lot of harm.
God bless you thank you so much
DeleteI get where you are coming from poster. I remember when I was jobless, I had a good offer in the east, Federal Job for that matter. Between staying in a remote place in the east and remaining jobless in Lagos, omo I chose Lagos oo. My mental health was important, to the glory of God I have a good job now.
ReplyDeletePlease take it easy, try to travel more often and talk to your hubby about it.
Thanks for ur understanding 🙏
DeleteThis poster is suffering from psychological depression associated with change of environment, most of u will not understand till u enter into a similar situation, my advice for u is to go to God in prayer, ask him for direction, and biz that willl suit ur location if he tells u to stay put. God will definitely answer u, take it easy dear poster, i was once like u, i used to leave in abuja, marriage brought me to lagos that is very agberoish, i felt like running away but God came through for me
ReplyDeleteGod bless you for this comment 🙏change of environment is what is really affecting me .
DeletePoster,I understand how you feel. I am frim Delta State though born and bred in Lagos. Agbor is a quiet sleepy town compared to warri or even Asaba. I can live in Agbor cos I like quite towns though I would prefer warri or asaba.
ReplyDeleteSince you knew you would be moving to Agbor and still married your husband then there is little you can complain about there. If you guys can afford to have a house in warrior asaba,it may be a good idea for have one so you can go spend sometime there just to relieve the teduim of Agbor. Alternatively,you can base there and start your business there while your husband comes for weekends. Agbor is not that far from either of the two bigger and busier cities which will give you the kind of life you had in Lagos( not quite but reasonably close). Yur mental health is very important for a happy marriage and you sound depressed already. Just discuss with your hubby and you guys can work out a solution that will work for you both. I wish you all the best.
@stella u have said it all ND ur advise is superb..... Well from all indication no offense Waka Waka still dey dis woman eyez😏. Me no kukuma Sabi give advise oo just go file for divorce na since marriage is not for you ..you ain't serious Sha!
ReplyDeleteNigerian women and marriage. You abandoned your life and ambitions and followed a man who continues to live his own life as he pleases. And you changed your entire life because of one person. Why do we do this to ourselves. And watch, sooner or later, he might start controlling you with money since you don’t have money of your own. No be human beings? You disappoint me sha especially a classy and working class woman like you. Now tell me where una see compatibility. Please don’t bring a child into this until you’ve both sort it out. Because you might even end up with postpartum depression. Talk to your husband please and let him know it’s affecting your mental health. You will end up resenting him and all the love go vamoos fiaammm. Good luck lady. I know I wouldn’t sign up for this type of arrangement when I know I’m more of a city girl and extroverted. I don’t care how much I love him. My guy friend of 15 years wants to move back to Nigeria and I know I don’t see myself living in Nigeria anymore only to visit. Because of that, we didn’t get married even though we would have made an awesome couple. He loves me immensely and still does even though I’m now married and he’s married. He’s built a house in naija and moving back in a few years. I have deal breakers and moving to a village is one of them. This arrangement will work better for someone who’s introverted or laid back or don’t mind being a house wife. I’ll say explore the city weller before making a decision. Even your neighboring lively cities. You never know, you might end up loving it and make good friends. Your husband should be able to meet you half way if he really loves you and not selfish. If not then, make your decision that works best for you. You need to be fulfilled in other aspects as well and marriage is not enough!
ReplyDelete