Hmmm...
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
PREGNANT AND UNDER EXTREME STRESS WITH DIRTY BIL
Good day Stella and BVs
I'll go straight to the point in other not to make this too long. I've been married for a year now and currently pregnant. We live in a self contained apartment (one room, parlour, kitchen and toilet). I run my small business from home so I'm always at home.
I have a brother in law who comes to our house regularly. I'll refer to him as BIL henceforth. BIL is the first son of their family and almost 50. He is older than my husband by about 17 years or thereabout. But if you see him (BIL) he looks quite young for his age, slim and all.
Now the issue is this. Whenever he comes to our state (his kind of business brings him here regularly), he stays with us until he's done with business and thereafter returns to his state. He has a wife and kids too.
He sleeps in the parlour when he's around. He's only at home in the mornings and at night so it's not a case of him invading my privacy.
This man is very disorganized and dirty.
Now the issue is this. Whenever he comes to our state (his kind of business brings him here regularly), he stays with us until he's done with business and thereafter returns to his state. He has a wife and kids too.
He sleeps in the parlour when he's around. He's only at home in the mornings and at night so it's not a case of him invading my privacy.
This man is very disorganized and dirty.
I can't categorically say I have OCD but I am extremely neat and can't stand dirt or a disorganized space. It makes me cringe and so uncomfortable. Stella believe me when I say I take the pain to clean my house even when I'm sick. That's how far I can go just so that my space will always be fresh and squeaky clean. Let me say I'm a perfectionist.
BIL will bathe and leave particles (probably from his towel or clothes) on the floor without flushing them with water. He cuts his nails on the tiled floor in my balcony and just walks away. if I don't sweep it off, it will continue lying there.
Imagine someone washing his briefs, and while dressing up in the parlour he leaves the wet stuff on the couch. By the time he's ready to dry them outside they would have made huge ugly wet maps on my couch. I'm tired.
He never shows up with his own wrapper or sleeping cloth. I must be the one to give him mine when he comes. Mind you I don't feel comfortable sharing my personal stuff with anyone. The only person i share such with is my hubby.
After the long journey from his base he would be oozing of strong sweat odour but won't bathe, he sleeps just like that.
He leaves his items, laptops and what have you, everywhere in my parlour.
BIL will bathe and leave particles (probably from his towel or clothes) on the floor without flushing them with water. He cuts his nails on the tiled floor in my balcony and just walks away. if I don't sweep it off, it will continue lying there.
Imagine someone washing his briefs, and while dressing up in the parlour he leaves the wet stuff on the couch. By the time he's ready to dry them outside they would have made huge ugly wet maps on my couch. I'm tired.
He never shows up with his own wrapper or sleeping cloth. I must be the one to give him mine when he comes. Mind you I don't feel comfortable sharing my personal stuff with anyone. The only person i share such with is my hubby.
After the long journey from his base he would be oozing of strong sweat odour but won't bathe, he sleeps just like that.
He leaves his items, laptops and what have you, everywhere in my parlour.
He also takes forever to finish his business in the bathroom. The other day he was around and taking his bath. I was so pressed and couldn't hold it in any longer. My husband had to rush out to get me mopping bucket to pee in the room. The bucket had bleach and detergent in it coz I used it earlier, but he didn't notice because all he wanted to do was help me at that point. I peed in it and for days I suffered the reaction, my vulva was swollen and red. I was also discharging, but It resolved on its own after a few days when I was already thinking of visiting the hospital.
I can go on and on.
I have a clothes line in my balcony that i use for spreading my clothes that were not properly dried from the sun. But when BIL wants to spread his wet clothes that he has washed, he'd rather spread them there on the balcony when the actual drying line is right in front of the house. Everything will be dripping wet on the tiled floor. I'll still end up having to move them outside to dry.
My husband helps me a lot around the house whenever he's home, especially since I fell pregnant, but that's not the case Stella. I'm mentally drained. Although I have never sat him down to express how I feel but he sees it in my expression all the time because I find it hard to hide my emotions.
Sometimes when he sees these things done by his brother, he fixes them himself.
He can't sit his almost 50 years old brother to talk to him, even me I don't know what I would have done if I were in his shoes. Also my husband has stayed with him before when he (my husband) was still in school. So you can imagine how high he sees his brother and the level of respect he accords him. I don't want to come between them that's why I can't even talk about this to him (because I'm someone who talks about anything with her husband).
My husband is a very lovely man. He doesn't stress me. He's also a neat person. Whenever BV Eka Joy talks about her husband I can always relate to what she's saying coz that's the kind of hubby God blessed me with too. He has been nothing but good to me.
I wish BIL would just stop showing up. The mental and physical stress he's giving me is too much. How can someone's parlour be so disorganized? A place where everyone visiting me sees first.
Do you have any advice for me?
Am i overreacting?
I'll be reading comments.
My husband is a very lovely man. He doesn't stress me. He's also a neat person. Whenever BV Eka Joy talks about her husband I can always relate to what she's saying coz that's the kind of hubby God blessed me with too. He has been nothing but good to me.
I wish BIL would just stop showing up. The mental and physical stress he's giving me is too much. How can someone's parlour be so disorganized? A place where everyone visiting me sees first.
Do you have any advice for me?
Am i overreacting?
I'll be reading comments.
Ah!!!
This is a tough one and there is no easy way out oh....
If your brother says anything it will dent their brotherhood and all the blame will be put on you...
The next time he announces he is coming, why don't you guys leave home and lock up every where...Spend the time in a hotel which will also give you time to relax.....
I don't get how he would be coming to such a small place to take your space...Will he still come when the baby arrives? And then he lends your personal things? No way!..If he asks again, please tell him that you dont have the one to give out.
I cant deal with pigs like this !!!
I pray you get good advice if mine aint good enough.
Take it easy
ReplyDeleteHow many days is he staying with you that you are complaining
If it is your biological brother nk
If it was her bio brother she would have been able to talk to him.
DeleteSee the way you disregarded her plight and instead blamed her for complaining.
Maybe you are the BIL?
Pls I do understand how you feel, but pls endure it for a while, things wont remain this way, Dont break their bond bcos of this, pls endure it, the age difference is too much for your husband to send him away or ask him to do those things you want him to do and also this is like returning a favour which his elder brother had given to him. Most men are like this, you can only correct your husband, pls dont speak to him yourself, just diplomatically try to use gentle action to show him what you want, being a Nigerian, every of your action will be misinterpreted. Pls dont go to hotel and lock him out pls, just manage it, like I said earlier, things will change. I had a similar situation but my in-law have moved to abroad now. She sends me bags, things for my children and family. There are some sacrifices you make now that pays later, it is always good to endure some challenges that are not harmful, in the end you may gain from it. Now they want to take my son, so pls nobody knows tom, just do your best and look the other way, do the much u can, ask for your husband's help and keep the relationship cordial, dont break them. Tom it may be your turn to be helped. If he had thrown his brother away which he may have paid for his expenses in one way or the other, you may not have meant a good husband, so pls try and look the other way till it is over.
DeleteHonestly speaking, I think she too strict and overbearing, she basically wants the old individual to change once to her way of doing things, and I think she does not just wants her BIL there, see her complaining about him doing his business too long. It is very simple if you dont want him there, you going to damage their relationship. Please be more tolerant, take from your fellow OCD 'sufferer' lol
DeleteAm angry with women like this she is a devil you want to separate brothers ?see you don't know tomorrow things can change at anytime,I have warn you
DeleteI live alone poster. But everything a visitor can need, ranging from wrapper, duvet, towel, sponge, soap, slippers to toothbrushes. I have them because I’m not going to share my personal items with anybody. So maybe you should make arrangement for that. Now, you have to tolerate that man, he is family. Be friendly with him; tell him how to do the things right in a friendly but respectful manner. If he’s you relative, you will be more tolerant. Having known he has a good history with your husband, curtail your behavior and work on your patience. People don’t cut of relatives because of marriage. When you guys are able to afford a bigger space in the future, the situation will be better.
Delete*Katelyn Montana
This is an unfair statement. I don't believe if he was neat, she will have any issues. After all he doesn't stay in ith them. Permanently. But they are in a one room bedroom with one convenience. Do you understand that? It means anyone using the convenience has to rush because you don't know when the next person will want to use it. By the way I think the man should not come to his younger brother's house in some. Cultures it is unacceptable.
DeletePoster, I think you should just keep managing, how long does he stay?
DeleteAbout leaving the clothes on the coach and spreading things on the balcony… kindly say “ah brother or even uncle, why don’t you spread this downstairs, or why don’t you get a bucket” say this with the biggest smile on your face.
Learn to deal with things head on so you don’t pile things up and explode later
You just have to keep managing because you don’t know how your husband was when he lived in his own house.
Push up (original)
He’s older than her husband with 17 years, probably older than poster with 20 years plus. Don’t jokingly say anything please. That man is highly disorganized and not dirty. Get visitors supplies. Once you move into a bigger place or your mum comes for omugo, he’ll stop staying in the parlor. By that time, you might have gotten a cleaner. Try to be more tolerant. No dey frown too much Iyawo. Your pregnancy hormones are contributing to your irritation too. Don’t forget
DeleteHmmm!
ReplyDeleteThere's little or nothing you can do though.
You just try to handle the situation in whichever little way you can.
Prayer solves a lot of issues, as poster, even before poster comes here, share ur plight with God, until He gives u peace.
DeletePoster,please let sleeping dogs lie for now. Manage the situation because there is nothing you will do or say that will not be misconstrued as you trying to set both brothers against each other. The age gap js enough to even seal your mouth with super glue. Since your hubby is already helping, keep managing your BIL's attitude. There are some battles in marriage that we should deliberately lose. This is one of them.
ReplyDeleteWomen in Africa are being set up in marriage to keep ingesting thrash
Delete15:58
DeleteThe elder brother's wife may have also had one or two complaint about poster's husband during his stay with his elder brother.
To free women from this kind of obligations, all siblings should fend for themselves.
Once your sibling marries, sit in your house or give him/her a wide berth.
The elder brother should have allowed poster's husband to fend for himself. Maybe he would still be in school today or out but still incapable of fending for a woman who now speak so well of him.
Take it easy and manage him o.
ReplyDeleteTell your husband to tidy up after his brother.
Just dey look am with side eyes. The Lord is your strength. You and your husband won't be able to express yourselves to him about the things he does wrong because he is elderly. Good afternoon
ReplyDeleteNo Stella I don't agree with u o..
ReplyDeleteThis is her BIL,that maybe even saw her husband through school or contributed,don't start what u can not finish,just get a wrapper for him permanent,over look some things, thank God he doesn't live with u guys, please just tolerant him until u put to bed,then whenever he's coming over Ur husband will get an hotel for him with the excuse of new baby and that..
This may cause a serious problem in the family if not handle wisely...
Think about it..
This is a very good advice. I like you.
DeleteI support this,get a permanent wrapper for him.Once baby arrives and hubby gets him a hotel room once,he will understand.Please tolerate him for now
DeleteThis!
DeleteHello poster, I feel the need to comment on this, but I may not be able to type much
ReplyDeleteLike you said, he is only around morning and evening.
Kindly, allow your husband to be good to his brother at least for allowing him in his space when he (your husband) needed help.
Remember you are adding to the family, and your children may need to school outside your place of residence. You and I know young adult sometimes may have funny behaviours/habit.
May question is "will you expect his wife to tolerate and treat your children well?"
Do the ones you can and leave the rest.
Today your BIL is the needy, tomorrow you may need his help.
I have siblings that are way older than I am but that doesn't stop me from respectfully telling them how I feel.
ReplyDeleteYour wonderful hubby should talk to his big brother regardless of the age difference,it's not for you to resolve.
Cleanliness is next to godlines,BIL should adjust but I don't advice you/hubby asks him to stop coming over to the house.
The man is clean please
DeleteYour hubby needs to be mindful of your physical and emotional health and have a heart-to-heart with his brother.
ReplyDeleteIt is not fair on you at all.
Holding someone in high esteem is not a license to swallow every thing they dish out.
Pele.
Poster I understand that you are organized and want things to be done prim & proper...Your husband should be the one speaking to his brother about how this is affecting you mentally..He just has to man up but go about it in a matured manner...If he knows he is coming, sometimes tell him you people are not around or you will be travelling ahead of time or say your in-laws are coming to stay with you....
ReplyDeleteMaybe your husband should be doing the cleaning up after him so he can understand what you are going through then man up to tell his brother...Please stop stressing yourself...Most Nigerian men are not that neat so me I am not surprised...All the best
Your complain are baseless,do you expect him to be packing wrapper and towel from his base( buy one and keep it specifically for his visit) do you know how many things his wife also had to endure while yours was living with him,the BIL is not living with you permanently so why can't you just learn to accommodate him
ReplyDeleteWomen should do the accommodating every single time.
DeleteMen shouldn't change their ways or be considerate ooo.
They will always have women around to manage and bear it and tolerate and take it to God in prayer and end up miserable all in the name of keeping the peace.
Nonsense and ingredients.
Poster have you considered setting aside a wrapper and towel for your BIL whenever he visits? The same one can be reserved specifically for his use so you don't have to wash and keep sharing with him. If he doesn't visit very often, maybe discard the towel after use?
Thank you for this advice some women are just pepper body,if you let the man knows you don't want them in your house you are in for trouble
DeleteYou see, my own advise to you is that, sit your husband down and discuss it with him so that he will know how to handle it or better still both of you will have put heads together and fine a good solution to this ASAP
ReplyDeleteYou see, my own advise to you is that, sit your husband down and discuss it with him so that he will know how to handle it or better still both of you will have put heads together and fine a good solution to this ASAP
ReplyDeleteYou see, my own advise to you is that, sit your husband down and discuss it with him so that he will know how to handle it or better still both of you will have put heads together and fine a good solution to this ASAP
ReplyDeleteNo worry them go advice you well here after then that ur loving husband go turn horse band as u no get sense to overlook some things…we women with pepper body
ReplyDeleteGood advice if the man did not help your husband will you have him to marry?did you know all the discomfort he went through because of your husband
DeletePls try and get a new place and be putting him in a room. It’s nice to do but you also won’t see all these things. Also I think it’s ok to tell him things small. I would just take down the balcony line when he’s visiting so he has to use the one outside. I’d pick the time of his visit to quickly go see my mother for three days. Him and hubby can deal with each other.
ReplyDeleteYou have money to give them 'to get a new place??' See foolish comment.
DeleteAbi you think money floats in the air?
Madam, the day you open your mouth is the end for you. You don't know Nigerian women are set up to fall in marriages?
You will do 5000 good things and 1 'bad thing.' It is the perceived bad thing that they will do native song and dance and bad mouth you everywhere home and abroad.
According to the average Nigerian mediocre way of thinking, every bad thing that happens is the wife's fault and every good thing is due to her husband's glory. Yimu.
You had better keep shut.
Use wisdom.
First, why do you have to share your own 'wrapper or sleeping cloth'? Your husband cannot share his?
You can't buy 2 yards of Ankara and 1 pillow in the market and keep down in the house? Any day he visits, give him to use. You can even use it for other guests.
Buy adult potty and be using it.
Since your toilet is being used by others it is pretty much a public toilet now, you are pregnant and in a very sensitive state.
Buy adult potty to be doing your business.
One drop of STD infected urine is enough to cause havoc to your system.
Once you know he is coming you can get someone who will be coming in to clean for the days he is around if you can afford it. If you cannot afford it, you and your husband will just have to roll up your sleeves.
As for his follow come dirtyness, there us nothing you can do about that.
Many Nigerian men ooze like shit, are very dirty and use perfume and dressing to cover it. Their bed sheets will stay months without washing, stinking with spit, sweat and sperm. Bathe properly wahala, change boxers is a problem for them, maggots in their kitchen because their hands are too big to wash plates. To even flush their own shit, na war. Mouth odour nko?That's why they like to have girlfriends around to turn them into nanny, cook, cleaner, housekeeper, washawoman and fuckmate.
Funnily enough, it is their fellow gender that exposes and tabs them the most about it, women will keep trying to cover their nyansh
Me I'm even worse than you. I do not tolerate dirt or odour of any kind. And I don't have strength to pick up after anybody, when I'm not nursing a toddler. That person cannot last one day in my house, I no send anybody.
But I would not advise you to tow my path, my own crase no get beginningor end.
I can't imagine what the wife is going through or maybe it's the same doty&doty group of companies.
Use wisdom.
*Shout out to the decent, clean Nigerian men who place a priority on their hygiene, you guys are GOLD.
16:51 I don’t know what Nigerian women think of Nigerian men
DeleteSo y’all think you can’t complain about your husbands family without the marriage ending. What a life. What a marriage
19:48 I do not know who you are referring to as 'y'all', but I know it is not me.
DeleteBecause I clearly wrote "But I would not advise you to tow my path, my own crase no get beginning or end."
You must be an Eskimo that just landed on a sled to not know that Nigeria is a deeply misogynist society with entrenched patriachy.
To live above this denigrating society, one must be a rebel.
16:51
DeleteHow did you get to know so many dirty Nigerian men even to their kitchens and briefs since you are so clean?
19:48
DeleteIt goes both ways. Few men can complain about their wives families and get away with it. Most men just ignore or are advised to as done here in this post. That's why it is generally believed wives families are always at ease in their sisters' matrimonial homes.
I am a man. Till date, my wife's older cousin is in grudge with me because I didn't let her do what I termed disrespectful in my home in a marriage that was just months old then.
As always said in traditional marriage ceremonies, most Nigerian marriages are marriages of families. Unless of course the couple completely cut off the traditional aspects of marriage. How many women want to be married only in the Registry or Church?
Dear poster,
ReplyDeleteThere is no easy way around this, as anything you do will be termed disrespectful and trying to tear two brothers apart.
I will advice you grow a tough skin and try to ignore whatever he does pending when he leaves. Assuming you had more rooms in the house, it would have been easy as he would do those dirty stuffs in the room away from your sitting room. Also you could get towels and sleeping clothes just for him so that anytime he comes around, he would be using those. May God give you the spirit of patience to handle this.
This's a difficult situation please manage it
ReplyDeletePoster just say you don't want him to be coming to your home. Very simple.
ReplyDeleteYou have not said anything so bad about this man and his visits.
He is your husband's elder brother for fks sakes. Put water for him to have his bath when he arrives.
If he spreads clothes in the balcony take them to the proper place.
If you can't do it, allow your hubby to do it
Yes he places him high because he is his elder bro and you have no idea what they have gone through together as family.
Thats man can afford to pay for hotel but decided to be staying at yours, pls welcome him as family.
Nwanne Di gi bu do gi.
Infact make sure he eats good food on his visits.
No vex me ooo
SMH.
DeletePut what water for his bath
DeleteNa poverty mentality answer be dat na. It’s obvious to me that water is not the problem
Dem use manage manage do una for that country. Everytime u will be condoning bad character and accusing the actual victim of wickedness. Na wa
DeleteLol. Well said.
Deletethis one na tight corner o, what you will do is that when the baby comes, if you have a house girl or mum/ mum in law let her sleep in the sitting room, so when big brother comes, your husband allows him come in, you guys feed him and then husband tells him something like, let me book hotel for you, i wouldnt like you and my housegirl or mother/ in law in the same space, i value you more than this, once he pays for his stay for that period. if he has sense, he wouldnt come again as he knows that the house is full. above all pray. thats how my husband's uncle came. i used style to drive him away o, where i come from, is the younger that stays with the older and not the other way round. people coming sometimes make you not to be free in your house and its not fair.
ReplyDeleteNo need. Expectedly, he won't come during the early days after child birth with poster's mother in the house. Even his wife will advise him on that.
DeleteMy sister manage it oo. As long as he's not living with you permanently, the few hours he stays, endure. No be every battle Dem dey fight!
ReplyDeleteHe helped your husband alot. Do you know what he and his wife went through when your darling husband was with them?
If you like keep follow advice of people telling you to enter battle field you hear.. all cos you can't accommodate!
Your complains are utterly baseless. If you're tired, come out lemme enter. Better man like your husband dey scarce. I promise to give the BIL the bedroom to sleep
Mtcheeeeewww
Stop it! Her concerns are not baseless. Some of you her did not allow your hostel roommates to sit on your bunk but you come here to type what you cannot tolerate.
DeletePoster don't mind anybody that says your complaints are baseless. It's not easy but you'll try and endure. Get him his personal wrapper and towel. Your husband should also try and talk to him small, not rudely or anything. The age gap is much so this one is not easy, try and manage. Maybe when baby comes he will give you people space.
Anon 15:47 why do you have to quote me to say ya mind ? Say your own elsewhere 😜
DeleteIjeoma she quoted you bc you are wrong
Delete@anon17:25 how do you know I'm wrong? Are you me? Am I you? How do you even know it's a she that commented ? Sabinus.
DeleteI have commented. Go somewhere else and comment your own Madam right😂😂😜 shior!
Exactly some people don't just have courtesy and self respect. This your brother inlaw is one of them.
ReplyDeleteWhy would he come to your house even when you don't have the space to accommodate him?
What stupid money is he saving?
He has no respect for himself.
There are lots of cheap hotel he can lay his dirty self in.
I hate this kind of behavior.
Your husband can't even say anything cos if he does his family will label him weak and give you a bad name.
Take Stella's advice, anytime he comes around you can go stay in a hotel or visit close friends/family around you, maybe if he notices you always leave the house for him whenever he comes he might borrow sense and stop coming to your house.
Na wa, for this your comment.
DeleteNa wa oo. To visit someone sef na wahala. You're neat oo, you're not neat oo they will still say you're dirty. Mtcheewww abegi!
ReplyDeletePoster, just say you dont want any of your in-laws around. Afterall you said he doesn't invade your privacy so what's the problem?
Just try and endure till he leaves. Do not try and come between them. Do not let your husband disrespect his brother just because of that minor thing!
And YES! You're overreacting!
Awon ruthabokoku.
The problem is just dirty body on the couch she has to sit on the next day
DeleteI am a disco dancer...some chronicles be making me sing Indian song.
ReplyDeleteLmao I was soberly reading comments and feeling sad for the poster and I got to yours and burst out laughing.
DeleteAbeg go jor with your Bollywood disco.
Ehen na@Mystique...make we dance to some chronicles.
DeleteIt's so easy for most of you to condem this poster until you are in her position.
ReplyDeletePoster, I know that it's not easy to clean a house and have someone mess it up consistently,but I will just advise you to endure, buy him his own wrapper, and try to do the chores you can do , leave the rest for your husband to complete especially now that you are pregnant.
God's grace.
✌️
Simple. Well said@ 16:31
DeleteStay behind your husband in this matter.
DON'T force or make your husband talk to BIL about this matter. Since he is hands on, let him continue. If BIL comes after your childbirth, get a two bedroom apartment as soon as you can.
I felt as a man, I needed to assert myself against a brash sister-in-law very early in my marriage. If I am faced with the same situation today, I will turn away. And a part of me wish I can turn back the clock. Bvs telling you (poster) not to fight this battle are not justifying the BIL conduct. Just that what you will gain may not be much better than what you will lose in the short to medium term. The long term is always in God's hands.
For all you know, you may even have high grades in the family book of records by now.
I know a wife who was so highly regarded because of her husband's covering and was getting bags load of Europe clothes for her baby and some clothes for herself from SIL until she chose to prove herself.
18:43 abi o, let her aspire to the enter 'family book of records jare'.
DeleteEven better than the book of life.
As a dutiful and virtuous woman that she is. Who knows where her handouts can come from? 🙂
22:23
DeletePoints made.
Sarcasm noted. So her current gripping is the shinning path to the Book of Life?
It was here a DIL said she didn't claim entitled but made clear she would have been glader if MIL and her children helped her and her husband with money needed for she and her husband's goodly desire.
All good things without sorrow are from God the Keeper of the Book of Life. But which family will be very willing to help a SIL not in their book of good records?
Let's take it there. If this BIL is today in a position to move this couple from their two rooms level but dislike staying in hotels as some of people do. And has made provision for the Poster and her husband to build their own 5 rooms house with just a room for him would we read this chronicle while the building is in progress? OCD or no OCD.
Abegi, leave matters.
All said, people should learn not to insist on reaping from favour done. The man should have chosen to stay in hotel for his business. Just as maybe he should have let the Poster's husband find his way in life with the help of Almighty God, the Keeper of the Book of Life.
Somebody said one good turn deserves another. Clearly, the other turn was meant to come from the receiver of the first good turn, not from the receiver's wife.
Thank you for the mature comments and advise.
ReplyDeleteI don't know where some of you got your conclusions from.
1. There was nowhere I wrote that I never want my in-laws to visit or I do not like them.
2. For those saying I want to tear two brothers apart, I clearly stated that it will be impossible for my husband to sit him down and talk to him, meaning I also value respect and the strong bond they share and that's why i can't even bring up the topic with him.
3. For those saying my complaints are baseless, I pray you don't find yourself in such a situation in the nearest future, only then will you understand where the shoe pinches.
@Mistique, yes that was what I did few days ago. I made a wrapper permanent for him so that he'll be using it henceforth.
@ anon 15:36 you probably share your toothbrush that's why you're asking me if it's necessary for him to travel with wrapper.
Me bringing the issue here doesn't make me senseless or not wanting to accommodate people. I brought it here to hear other people's views, especially if they've experienced such before.
Please if you have no mature comments to make kindly keep your insults and snide remarks to yourself
Lol… you’d kindly keep your chronicle to yourself if you aren’t ready for the good, the bad and the ugly.
DeleteYou just want to read things that soothe you only yeah? Lol
Wishing you safe delivery dear.
Sorry poster.
DeleteTry not to stress too much, and try not to think about it too much. Focus on the life you are about to bring into the world and be calm.
Some comments here make one wonder what the commenters must be enduring in their own homes, and how the next generation of men are being raised.
You will be fine, poster, you hear? You are doing well and your feelings are completely valid.
Try to tell your hubby how you feel too. And take it from there.
Be strong. 🤗You will be okay.
Thanks a lot Mistique
DeleteTry overlooking some of the things he does till baby arrives.You may not have OCD but you seem to be following him around with your eyes to have noticed that his clothes leaves wet maps on the chair and his tiny nails are left unswept each time he cuts them.Try investing that time you spend checking for his faults into something else so you don't hate him totally.
ReplyDeleteOnce baby arrives,your hubby should put him in a hotel since he cannot advise himself.
They have problem with their mother in law, brother-in-law, everyone.
ReplyDeletePoster, what exactly is your problem? If you can't deal and you are tired, leave, walk away.
Do you expect everyone to be like you? He is disorganised doesn't mean he is a bad person. Do you know what the brothers wife tolerated from your husband?
If this man is clearly troubling you, I will understand. Instead of you to be thinking of how to contribute to the financial growth of yout home, you are looking for issues. Also be careful, pregnancy hormones can bring out the worst in people.
Stop following him up and down cleaning after him. Give him space to do his thing. You better don't speak negatively about him to his brother, the brother will hate you.
OCD is a mental illness, seek for help.
You will soon give birth and naturally, there won't be room for him.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
I like your contribution,that is the fact,selfish woman
DeletePoster, I understand the fact that you're an organized person who also detest dirt. Howbeit, try everything within your power to manage him the way he is, considering the fact that he only stays with you for only a few days. You can always call on your hubby to assist you whenever he's around since you said he's been very supportive.
ReplyDeleteThe sleeping cloth matter is a simple one. Make one his alone. Whenever he comes, hand it over to him. My dear, bear it, do the ones you can do and ask hubby help you out with the ones you can't. But I sincerely wish he'd give you guys your space
ReplyDeleteTrust Nigerians na. Your complaint is never valid because they like to accept and swim in rubbish.
ReplyDeleteTalk to ur husband about it, not with bitterness and now with anger. He has to find a way to make his brother start acting right.
People, abeg if u are scattered in ur own home, limit it to ur home. Don't take that scatter scatter to another person's home
I can’t stand dirty folks so I either have a place where he can stay in his own room or I’ll tell hubby he can’t stay with us
ReplyDeleteIf hubby insists then I’ll always be somewhere else when he visits
Dirty folks make me feel like throwing up. Of all the things I can tolerate in this life I refuse dirt. I suffered enough of that in Nigerian schools. Never again in Jesus name
Some of una dirty Sha
ReplyDeleteBy una comment we go know. How can you be saying this Poster has no point? Kaii...God abeg oa
That's not the point of the most counsel she got.
DeleteThe core is that let her husband assist her in cleaning after BIL and to avoid a family aggro even her husband may end up resenting her for.
Soon, she will see more from her baby. What would she do? Throw her baby away with the bath water?
Particles of towel.
Use of same cover cloth.
Wet smudge on the couch.
Clothes on the balcony line instead of the general line in the compound.
Fingernails on the balcony floor.
These are the una dirty?
When baby comes, she will read this chronicle and laugh at herself well.
MIL came for Omugwo. She saw all my books shelved pim pim and laughed. She told me they will all come down. As soon as baby started walking, the books came down from the shelves. Three years on, I have not had the power to rearrange the books back.
They should get BIL his own brand new towel. It is old towels that flake and leave particles. Get him his own cover cloth. Sharing cover cloth is not even hygienic. Get a spare toothbrush and small tube of toothpaste. Husband man can shift his clothes "for better and quicker" drying.
Wet smudge on sofa? Manage that. Baby will pour food and pee there soon or even poo too.
Poster let the peace and love in your home continue. Avoid In-laws aggro.
Baby dirt is not same as a grown adult pls so 19:07 you’re comparing apples and oranges
Delete19:51
DeleteDirt and odors are ... no matter how caused.
Your point is understood.
It is a matter of perspective. The man may just be behaving as if in his own home. And may adjust easily if spoken with. But what if he takes offence? That is the dilemma here. So better to see it as a price .
By the way, we are more tolerant of our baby mess because they are caused by "our baby". Most of us don't tolerate fully the mess by other people's babies.
some family members just know how to make others uncomfortable.
ReplyDeletePoster, you and your husband should rent a bigger house so your husband’s elder brother can have a room to himself when he comes, he deserves that respect. The problem is the one room apartment and not your brother in law. You are also your own problem. You have no respect for your elders. I pity you if you continue to give your brother in law attitude.
ReplyDeleteWill u give them money?
DeleteEka may be they have money but no idea
DeleteThese are the reasons I don't visit my younger siblings whenever I'm in the country. I stay in a hotel for the duration of my stay. They will beg, cajole for me to come, but never, I don't want their wives to pick faults because, it ain't difficult for them to squeeze face once you stay 2 days in their husbands house. We hangout or they come to my suite and chill. I pray God gives all of us long life.
ReplyDeleteNice, Keep doing it this way and keep your respect. Else see finish go enter.
DeleteThey must look for something to pick on… people who ain’t perfect always highlighting the imperfections of others.
You better be warn if he is your brother it won't matter why is wife always hate to see their inlaw but if it is their own side he or she can stay for ever ,we only know of today those are the people that will stand for you should in case anything happen tomorrow,how many days is he even staying that you are raising dust,doesn't your husband once a while do the same thing ?haba which type of women do we have nowadays that only person accepted to them is me and my husband ,it is selfishness and callousness
ReplyDeleteMr Goke your comments usually reflect an archaic, entitled, patriarchal and almost misogynistic way of thinking. Try and enter the new century with the rest of the world and I hope you don't raise your sons with this manner of thinking because women aren't really taking nonsense these days.
DeleteGoke is a woman, if I remember correctly.
DeleteThe misogyny is so rooted and internalised in women like this that it is often impossible to convince them to see things from a different perspective.
Anon let Mr Goke comment freely and express his ‘misogynistic’ self. He ain’t dragging your new century wokeness with you… you can freely choke on it🤷🏼♂️
Delete@Mystique... Ah... So Goke is a woman! Ụka agwụla! Talk Don finish! They should still try and enter 21st century Sha.
DeleteDont react to what he does. Take a leave from it and leave the parlor the way he left it without repairing it. He and our husband will notice it and act if they are truly mature.
ReplyDeletePatience poster. Pls be patient everything will fall in place. My father would say no be as body take scratch Person, dem dey take scratch body, else you go injure yourself.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, i will advice u to get wrapper, and other things and give to him whenever he comes arnd. If u and hubby can afford a bigger apartment 2bed, i think it will solve 60% of the problem, but in the absence of that kindly endure, i know it's not easy to endure but i tell u, the moment u open ur mouth or hubby tells him those things, the hatred will start brewing, pls for ur peace of mind avoid him, when u put to bed, try and get a small maid that will be sleeping in the parlor and also make sure ur mum comes for omugwo, and let her stay longer, he will make alternative provision and he will stop bothering u.
ReplyDeleteSome women are just wicked and manipulative. If your BIL and your husband were affluent enough do you think you would have been staying in that apartment you stay in or your BIL would have been squatting with you guys? For now that is where you are and that is what the situation is.
ReplyDeleteWhatever you focus on, magnifies.
He reach your turn to accommodate person we should not hear word. But you expect to be treated well when you visit people. Were you expecting the man to carry his house and all his properties to come visit?
Learn to be hospitable to people.
The good thing is that he comes and go back afterwards..... people like this to avoid sharing things with them is to continue giving them the same one they have been using before..they will get the message later.
ReplyDeleteStop giving yourself unnecessary stress. You really detest and hate your BIL that’s why you are finding great fault with him. Picking up everything he does wrong and cleaning up after him. Remove hatred from your mind towards the man. What happens to opening up eg “Uncle you can dry your clothes on the rope so the balcony would not stain them”
ReplyDeleteEven if you had a four bedroom duplex, you will still complain about him. From your narrative, you are not happy with his presence.
Try to tolerate and be accommodating you are not perfect neither is your BIL.
You have enough time on your hands,Gosh!this man is 50 years old,nobody has ever look at it from this angle, believe it or not,this man is doing all he is not used to in his house,washing and all that, ofcourse he must have someone be his wife or maid that does all that at home,how many of your father's wash at home?I like the fact that the man respect himself and he doesn't bother you with all these chores,typical African setting,you go wash brother in-law cloth tire,the problem here is that he is just getting used to all these things cause he is not at home,be more patient and accommodating,I'm just imagining my husband that can't lift a finger in that setting,wooo u go cry tire,after you don pack shoes and clothes commot for chair everyday,let the man breath please,I'm certain it's cause he is low on cash that he is keeping up with you,a lot of men enjoy their space and privacy,if he is buoyant he would have lodged in a hotel,you are a woman,you should have extra towel and cover cloth at home madam,that doesn't cost much,stop whining like a baby,all these your rant does not make sense,you expect him to bring cover cloth all over from his place?haba aunty you are a with,leave the poor man alone and face your family,when baby comes he will stop coming,na so una go dey look for wetin no lose,old man wey no dey sweep at home should be sweeping towel strands,leave his brother to clean up his mess,the man is responsible enough,he doesn't meddle in your affairs or bring guests or women home,learn to overlook some things.na see finish cause all these things,person wey you suppose dey kneel down dey greet on a normal day,stella post my comment o
ReplyDelete1000 likes for this comment
DeleteThe best comment so far for that selfish woman
DeleteYou and your hubby can announce to him that you both are currently suffering from an infectious disease and you have been advised to quarantine and self-isolate
ReplyDeleteYou are not serious,
DeleteGet a cleaner that comes when ever he is around, comes early to clean, wash and tidy up after he must have gone out if you can afford it, you are preganant please dont stress yourself, BP in pregnancy is real so talk to you husband about getting someone that comes to clean the house when his brother comes for his business.
ReplyDeleteBuy a good “Aerobed” on Amazon, it is foldable and can be pumped when he is ready to sleep so he doesn’t sleep on the sofa again. It’s not even convenient for a 50 year old as he will develop back ache. That can be laid like a bed, some are almost as cushy as some good mattresses, lay it with mattress liner and bedsheet & put a pillow on top. Secondly, get a small plastic bin or basket for your guest and put a clean throw, towel plus a duvet, deodorant, sample make perfumes, mouthwash etc. Sit it like a decor in a corner of your family room.
ReplyDeleteShow him with a genuine smile when he comes that the Aerobed & the basket belong to him. If you have a washing machine, he is older than your husband, do his laundry. It’s the best way to handle it. When he comes in sweaty with BO, politely tell him you are putting the used laundry together to wash, that he can go ahead & shower so he can give you his used or dirty laundry. Just be tolerant as he only stays occasionally and your husband has benefited from his generosity before. Try to overelook the rest. This too shall pass away!