Hmmmm...
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
VOILATED
I am a young lady of 27 years. I vowed to be a virgin till marriage due to my moral belief in God. I met a guy in his early thirties. He approached me for a relationship and I allowed him to know my stand on no pre marital s#x which he accepted.
We met twice at the restaurant. The guy later invited me to his house and I felt going to eateries will make me look like I want to drain his pocket. I accepted to visit his house.
When I visited his house, he on his generator bcus he complained of heat. The guy later forced himself on me by raping me despite my pleas. Ever since then, I resented him. He apologized casually by telling me he did it so that we can be emotionally connected. I broke up the relationship immediately bcus I couldn't stand fornication.
The incident occurred early last year. But have not been able to heal bcus each time I remember the rape incident, I shed tears, feel worthless and shower him with curses whenever I am naked.
He messaged me thrice this year on Whatsapp by saying hello without making reference to the rape incident. Once I read his text I don't reply it becus I don't want to associate with him again. D relationship was not even up to three weeks before he raped me.
Bvs how can I heal and trash this incident out of my memory? And do you feel this guy did it out of love or chop and run?
OMG OMG ....I am so sorry about what happened to you.. I dunno what to advice you right now cos i am so upset.
Please he did not do it out of love....he is a wicked man who will hear from God!
There is nothing connected with love in what he did. You have to get closure. Kindly report the incident to the police or visit a psychologist. You shouldn't have trusted visiting him. Sorry about your condition, but you need to heal and move on.
ReplyDeleteThat was someone she was dating ( possibly date to marry). She would have to visit him. She didn’t do nothing wrong visiting him. How else would she know he is a normal human being?
DeleteIt was just unfortunate. And guess what, most men like that are the type that appear to please women with a lot of those ‘gentleman stunts’ so as to make the women feel safe visiting or around them.
Poster, any man who forces himself on a woman, whether a wife, friend, enemy, stranger, or even a spirit is a RAPIST. A man allows his erected male organ to control him is a beast. For you to even think he did it out of love is sick. Love does not hurt. The issue of rape is delicate. The society will blame the victim for their dressing, location, timing, and everything in between. I don’t know how old you are and the type of relationship you have with your family. If you have a close family, talk to them and they will help you heal. There will be blames but if you have a close family they will understand and walk with you through the path of recovery. Block him from contacting you. If making a police report will help your healing, then do it. If not, forget about it. Enough of the cursing. For you to heal, you need to forgive him. For your own sanity not his. You don’t need to tell him you have forgiven him. Just within yourself. This will help with the healing process. From what you wrote, he was and is not sorry. He will do it again, so please stay away from him. Rape and love will NEVER be together. If you can afford professional help, do. If not, a close family can help you heal. If you believe in God and the power of prayers, turn over to him. Believe me, he will heal you. You will NEVER forget but you will HEAL. Never blame yourself, it is not your FAULT. Praying for you.
DeleteSuch a wicked somebody. Any curse you place on him might work but his innocent wife will be the one to suffer it in the future.
DeleteBlock him and may God heal you.
Oh dear Poster am so sorry about what happened to you, this is a Case of rap and this man as Stalla said is a wicked man and did not do it for Love.
DeleteHe is a rapist and will do it again if he has the chance to, he is use to dominating and taking advantage of people, stay away and close every capter of him. Do not pick his calls or communicate with him again. Block his numbers b4 he confuses you with his lies.
As for you healing, you have to know that you did not do anything rough, forgive yourself, ask God for forgive and to help you heal as per your spiritual believes then you can talk to a therapist. God will help you
So sorry to hear.you should have reported the rape case to the police because you are not his first victim to be raped by him.
DeleteLove bawo
ReplyDeleteHe only took advantage of you
I think it be nice you move the heck on and let him forever be a closed chapter in your life
If it was that easy, wouldn’t she have moved on? You obviously do not understand how traumatizing rape is.
DeleteBig hugs dear sis. I pray God heals your heart. Pls look away from this and build yourself the right person will locate you
ReplyDeleteFirst of all stop all communication with him.The deed has already been done, cry out to God ND purge yourself off the anger you feel inside.. you won't forget it but when you remember it you will be at peace with yourself knowing you sincerely let go off the past. You can aswell see a therapist for counseling.. don't ever think that guy loves you.
ReplyDeletePls block the guy on all fronts. Block him pls. Discard anything that will remind you of him. Cheer up, go out and pray for God to heal you. He will reap his reward.
DeleteHe did not love you, he took advantage of you and God will judge him. Pls stop visiting men alone in their homes
Please you need to go for PROFESSIONAL counselling in order to heal from this trauma.
ReplyDeleteLearn to forgive yourself first and never compromise on your standards.
Chai my dear poster, your good intentions brought you a memory that might be very difficult to erase. Moving forward, I would say forgive him but omo it's easier said than done. May you find peace which only God can give and with time you'll heal and probably let it go. 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
ReplyDeleteHow do some men have self control and discipline when it comes to sex and some others don't and turn themselves to animals.
I'm sorry for the ugly incident you went through, poster. Please, reach out to Mirabel center or Wariff on any social media platform, they will give you the necessary help to survive the feeling and the stage you are in.
ReplyDeleteLove does not hurt, he has no iota of love in him, only a beast behaves that way
if you want to make a case out of this, contact Akin Fadeyi Foundation, you're not paying for this service, all that's needed is just giving the necessary information. You need to report him to save the next lady out there.
DeleteFelicity she does not have anything against the guy now, all the evidence to prove the crime have been washed off. So it would be her word against his own, and with no evidence, no judge can do anything, remember, the court is a court of law. Dear women, report rape cases immediately, so that something can be done about it.
DeleteDear poster i hope you went to hospital immediately to run some tests, cos God forbid, there is a pregnancy possibility from that one time.
Sorry. The wicked weak fool will definitely meet his water loo. You should have reported him when it happened but this lawless country with most barbarians in it will say that "you took your legs to his place". I have seen a case like this. So sorry about the ordeal. You will get over it
ReplyDeleteShe can still get justice...Once she can trap him or a confession to what he did...She can get justice..
DeleteSo sorry dear. Please report him, and BLOCK all means of communicating with him. He raped you cos he is a rapist, that emotionally connection is bullcrap.
ReplyDeletePost on Facebook I have it on good authority that ABC is a rapist
ReplyDeleteShe does not have the right to post on social media that he is a rapist, if he decides to sue her for defamation of character, it will not be funny. Which court of law tried and convicted him of rape? Pls be careful how you use words, there are legal consequences.
Delete16:39 you can post the truth on SM without any court case. He can sue you with proof that you are lying
Delete17:27, hope you know under the law, if she alleges that he is a rapist, the burden of proof is on her to prove beyond reasonable doubt that he is a rapist, in fact, if she leaves slight doubt in the mind of the court, the case will be resolved in his favour.
DeleteSo dear, that is not how the law works, she cannot just call him a rapist on social media and wait for him to prove otherwise, if she calls him that, she must prove that he is one. He who alleges must prove. This is professional advice i am giving her with no emotions.
Reasonable doubt is criminal law standard so I know you’re already on a different track
DeleteDefamation is not same
E-hugs to you my dear 🤗🤗
ReplyDeletePlease ignore his entire existence,pray to God to give you inner peace.
He doesn't love you,he just took advantage of you,karma will visit him don't worry.
Poster avoid him and pls leave him to God's judgement,stop cursing him for now.new doors will be open unto you and the right man who will respect ur stand on no sex before marriage will find u soon
ReplyDeleteThe deed has been done. The best is to move on with your life. Ask God to help you repeated.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry for what happened to you.you should have involved the police.i pray with time that you get healing and you're not useless or worthless, you're a queen.
ReplyDeleteIts like you don't know how the police operate, they will twist the story and end up shaming her
DeleteNo ms Tee, there are several women out there that got justice simply by reporting the crime to the police immediately after it happened. So what do u advise, ppl dnt report, u ppl will say why didn’t they report, ppl are told to report, u say no its good she didn’t report. So pls what do u want? How do we stop or at least prevent these kind of crimes? Or shud we just stay in our house every time it happens and shut up?
DeleteGetting a police report immediately after it happened is the best approach, even if she decides not to proceed. The police will send her for medical examination and that will be documented.
Delete17:21 it’s not the best approach here because it’s impossible. The time has gone for that
DeleteWhich love? He did it just to satisfy his urge. Very evil man.
ReplyDeleteRape out of love ?
ReplyDeleteNO NO NO NO
I am so sorry about what happened to you, please if is possible can you change environment for now or start learning online course or start going for a walk. Please start something new and put all your energy in it , it will help you to forget about him and about what happened to you.
He is a beast and don't go back to him for any reason.
So sorry sweetheart… a 27yr old lady in this country who vowed to keep herself till marriage deserves a good man because e no easy. Speaks volume on your moral compass and about your values on other important aspects of life.
ReplyDeleteStop blaming yourself if you have been doing so, and block that weak ass nigga on all platforms. Don’t let him get into your head no matter the amount of apologies he sends your way. He is a stupid weak ass man!! I wish I could get 2mins with him in an enclosed space so i could work him up a bit with my full arms.
You’re a good lady, do not let that incident deter you.
Sorry poster for ur odealMay God grant you peace.please try move on. I know it's not easy but u can
ReplyDeleteAdvise to ladies who are still virgin, never disclose to a guy u are dating that you are a virgin until u are sure he's the one
So sorry you had to experience the trauma of rape. First of all, it was never your fault and that guy was just evil to rob you off something so precious. Its important you go for therapy. You may never get the closure I believe your soul desperately craves but you will learn to be unstuck and move on. Take it from someone who shares a similar experience. I was brutally raped and my virginity stolen from me not by a boyfriend but someone I called a friend.. Uts icer
ReplyDeletePls once again, block him on all social media.
ReplyDeleteNever visit a man in his house alone of you don't want sex to happen. Most of them don't have self control. He is an animal, he is not worthy of a decent girl like you. A decent man will find you. So sorry.
So sorry poster.
ReplyDeletePls, if you are a virgin stop telling people.
What happened to this poster is so bad.
I’ll give you a few options within the law
ReplyDelete1. Unfortunately with no evidence the police may not be able to do much but you may file a police report. At least they’ll be on alert and if they call him in for questioning, it might be enough to stop him from doing it to someone else
2. Your other option is to get a lawyer to approach him for civil financial settlement. Don’t approach him yourself so you don’t risk looking like you’re blackmailing him.
3. Find his family and friends and tell them he is a rapist. Tell him when he finds a wife, you will call and tell her he is a rapist. Find his boss his landlord his pastor, tell all of them. When he finds a new job, you will call the boss and tell him or her. You could do this anon if you like.
Anon, you are badass.
DeletePoster, sorry for your ordeal. Forgive and move on if you can.
Dear Parents, we need to teach our children about rape. Some boys do think when a woman is saying "NO", na shakara she dey do and actually means a yes.
See how casual this poster is talking about rape.Someone raped you and you’ve not reported to the police so he won’t do it to someone else?how and when did rape become so normalized in our society?
ReplyDeleteDon’t tell a victim what to do
DeleteIt’s not her job to prevent it from happening again
So sorry about what you are going through. E-hug dearie. Try to forgive so it would be more easier for you to put what happened behind you. It might not be easy but it is possible.
ReplyDeleteNo rational man will rape you because of love.
ReplyDeleteHe is a useless dog. He knows nothing about love. He will reap what he has sown.
ReplyDeletePoster you need to stop crying and try to move on.
First of all know that it wasn't your fault and you were helpless.
Know that you need to stop cursing him rather concentrate on forgetting the incident and looking forward to your future and better life.
Know that he is just one of these useless elements roaming about and you won't stop living your good life just because of him.
Ask God for peace and you will be fine.
Please don't dwell in regret and in the past, I know what he did is barbaric, please shake it off and move on. He is a coward.
ReplyDeleteHe intentionally put on the generator, so nobody will hear you scream.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry about your ordeal, forgive your self and ask God for his peace , so you can move on.
What you said brought something to mind
DeleteIf you call the police, ask them to ask the neighbours about that day
They gen may not have blocked your cries as he thought
🤗🤗🤗
ReplyDeleteThat monster should be jailed for life.
ReplyDeleteGather all the evidence you can get and do the needful,that's one of the ways you can heal,he deserves to rot in hell,I'm really sorry for what happened to you.
Dear Poster I am very sorry about this..This man raped you and stole your diginity so love should not be found anywhere in your write-up..He did something wicked rather than hide his face in shame, he is just rubbing it off your face....Since you have his whatsapp details, please save all the chats; I know it will be painful but ask him questions about that day to elicit his responses; then you will have an evidence and this can serve as one in court....
ReplyDeleteI will advise you to reach out to Barr. Kayode Omosebi (please I will share my contact with Stella) he is a lawyer that does a show on radio and he helps people a lot...I am so sure that he will help you out...If you go to the police, sorry to say they are the most useless and will make a caricature of this case...Please and please don't keep silent
Please ladies never ever visit a guy you don't know..Always go to a public place even if na Iya Risikat until trust has been fully established and you know the person...
All the best and Ehugs
Sending you so much love Sis. I pray you heal from what happened. If you can please don’t go back to him. I don’t think he loves you.
ReplyDeleteSome men lack self control once they're alone with the opposite sex. Gosh!!! Poster, sorry that he took advantage of your innocence. He will meet his waterloo one day.
ReplyDeleteJust imagine what you have been keeping for a very long time, then one idiot just came to defile it 😢..... it really hurts. So sorry about this poster just make sure you block him everywhere .
ReplyDeleteThis is so sad,he'll deny it if you report him because you went to his house. If you want him to go to jail, you have to make him confess . Or you leave him for God to judge which is even worse .
ReplyDeleteIn this part of world, men don't respect women's decision because society does not favour us most atimes. My God help you overcome it.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis is waow🤦🤦🤦🙆🙆🙆🙆🙆🙆
ReplyDeleteIt's not easy to get on with this kinda experience, this made me remember the agbaya aunty that raped me years back. Each time I remember that nasty act, I'm feel somehow within me but all the same, I have to just move on with my life after some years.
My sister, I know it's not easy as a woman and it would have been easy for you to move on easily if you had reported him by making the law takes its place, that alone would have given you a peace of mind.
But as for now, I don't know what to say, all the same, you can just open your heart to God, and find a way to forgive him and let go of it.
If only you can forgive, then you will be able to come over it
I’m sorry Pinky 🤗
DeleteSo sorry, Pinky
DeleteSo sorry dear. He's a rapist and a bastard. Please seek professional help . He didn't do it out of love
ReplyDeleteYou were raped. You're hurting. No one heals from rape. The emotional damage lasts forever. He took away your innocence. Please you need to talk to someone
ReplyDeletePeople heal from rape please, at least I did. Don’t make things worst for her, help her with kind words it will go a long way. Poster if you can forgive him, and try wave it off your mind. It will fade gradually but most importantly forgive, you will see yourself healing from there.
DeleteIam so sorry you went through this,may God send the right man your way,he will surely pay,no need to curse him naked let God right for you,it painful but let it go,the right man will come soon but don't visit a man you just met within weeks alone,it is well
ReplyDeleteMy dear dust yourself and move on the Gods that sees in secret and in real life knows sees and everything, he definitely reward you that Guy must suffer since he has bad intention towards your virginity
ReplyDeleteHe planned the rape and he is wicked and no love from him because love don't hurt.
ReplyDeleteMay God heal you dear.
Just block 🚫 him and reply his messages.
It is well
I wish you can chat or voicenote with him and get him to confess and screenshot the evidence. If you can't do that due to the trauma, maybe a friend or family can use your chat and collect evidence that can nail him. But I'm so sorry this happened to you. Pls do not blame yourself, you are still a beautiful girl full of worth. And his shame doesn't belong to you, he should be the one ashamed.
ReplyDeleteThe guy is an idiot and he needs to be punished!! This almost happened to me years back In law school. I went on a date with a fellow law student and he drugged my drink to think he could have he's way with me but I was conscious enough to take an uber. Luckily for me I wore a tight jean so nothing happened. I threatened hes life but he denied it saying I was just drunk. Please report him. Threaten him. He is mad. He is a fucking rapist and should not get away with it.
ReplyDeletePoster you did nothing wrong!!! Try and find closure
So sorry about the incident..
ReplyDeleteHe'll definitely suffer for it. He didn't do it out of love,. He did it out of spite, that he has been buying you food, tfare (maybe) and other stuff he might have given you within the 3 weeks and you haven't given him anything. He did it because he doesn't have sense. He did it because he isn't a real gee, he is as fake as they come, a real gee would tell you straight up he can't do a no sex stuff.. He did it because he is a Rapist. The whole act was premeditated,. He is a Rapist. QED
This is why I always write about ladies paying for what the eat on dates but they'll be attacking me like I'm their enemy,. The truth is when a guy begin to spend on you, even if it's just sending you data and airtime, he begins to feel you owe him something, but like I always say, nobody forced him to spend, so why should he force you to have sex with him,. All he's supposed to do is to ask and if you refuse, he can move on and of he wants to spite you, he can ask for the money he spent for the food he bought for you, you also should also no collect more than what you can refund if push comes to shove, especially when you also never gave him anything, sex or otherwise.. relationship no be by force.. shebi if you don pay for your own meals you won't feel like you're draining his pocket if you want to always meet up in a restaurant.. also dates doesn't have to be in the eatery, you can meet in a park to sit and talk, dates is about you knowing yourselves and not to eat food like many girls have made it seem..
So sorry for what happened.. I really wish you guys see that I'm really not your enemy here, I don't like to always come and remind anyone about how I'm right when they send their chronicles especially in stuff like this,. I see virginity as a big deal so the stuff dey really pain me cos this could have been avoided, but it's alright..
Pele
I actually agree with you. I practice and preach celibacy with my whole heart, but it is also necessary for young christian women to not be naive. Rapists and monsters prey on good girls, especially good naive girls, so ladies pls learn to be gentle as a dove but wise as a fox. First of all, read and learn what happens to others and avoid such circumstances for yourself. Secondly, if you are mature enough, make friends across different circles to know current dating expectations in the world (not to join them but to learn from them, ignorance can be expensive). Worldly dating is transactional. For the most part, the expectations are man spends money = woman gives sex in return. Therefore, if you are celibate/christian you can only date your kind. Secondly, you have to share the dating costs to avoid resentment. Thirdly, avoid being alone together until much later in the relationship. And finally you can't accept exorbitant gifts until maybe engagement. See eh, following Christ will cost you something as well, but it is worth it. e-hugs my dear.
DeletePoster, I am sorry you went though this. You need reclaim your dignity by what you tells yourself. Do not put the control in the rapist’s hands. Rewrite this unfortunate incident in the way that you come out on top.
DeleteI'm feeling so bad reading such a thing. I really don't know how I'd get past this if I were the one considering how I'm feel about this story now. I pray for God to give you the grace to let this go and give you peace of mind
ReplyDeleteDarling, I'm truly sorry you had such an awful and demeaning encounter. I know you need all the curdling and emotional support right now but it would be remiss of me not to sound a note of caution for the naive young ladies who may read this. If you decide to embrace chastity on religious grounds, it will be prudent to abide by the rules. Never visit your date unchaperoned ,especially when it's not a public place. It's one thing to hold out because you aren't ready, it's another thing to do it on religion grounds. The latter is more stringent.
ReplyDeleteNow that that is out of the way, the next thing I find disturbing, is your mindset. Honey, how exactly can you equate rape with love? I don't get it. So a part of you is still holding out hope that the "relationship" can be resuscitated? That dude doesn't even care about you, let alone love you. Do you know what love is? How can your definition of love be so warped and distorted? Little wonder you still left room for communication.
In my mind, a rapist is akin to a monster, a subhuman of some depraved variety. You should not allow him the dignity of communication. Your reading and ignoring is way too gracious. Cut him off completely. Until you do, you'll be hampering the healing process.
Sweetheart, what's done is done and can't be undone. First off, you must forgive yourself and know that though you were violated, you are still a QUEEN. You are as worthy as the next woman. You were struck down but not destroyed. Losing your virginity doesn't mean losing your integrity. Purge yourself of the negativity, you are still as precious as you were before the assault. You're not dirty, you are not "fairly used". In God's Eyes, you are brand new and thoroughly loved.
Now, the most difficult part, forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn't mean return to status quo. Forgive but cut him off. Do it for yourself and your spiritual growth. Bitterness corrodes the container. Enough with cursing in the nude, you're staining your spirit and attracting darkness. Darling, leave vengeance for God. Pray to God to soften your heart so you can gradually start forgiving him. I pray God will bless you with a man, tailor made for you, a man who will make you forget this ugly experience. Chin up, sweetie, brighter days are ahead.
e-hugs and kisses.
🎉Congrats on your blog award. Though you are not as frequent as before, it is always a pleasure to have you here Ronalda.
DeleteI was raped as a teenager in 1998, I told my parents that very day. My dad wept, my mum was heart broken. I went to the hospital, my dad God rest his soul was there for me. The love of a father, I cant imagine the pains he went through seeing me that day. I'm in tears right now. Pleny things inbetween, when the guy died of a strange sickness, I was in year three, my dad called and told me that the man had died, my parents were very very supportive through the whole process.
ReplyDeleteYou need to talk to a psychotherapist, you need to know that its not your fault, you need to heal. Much more better days are ahead. You could take it up legally for record purposes. Most importantly forgive so you dont allow this event hold you back.
God bless you and your parents
DeleteI was sexually molested when I was 10, I'm 32 years now. I still remember all that happened, I have tried to block it out of my memory but I still remember how this man sent me to buy sweet and locked me inside his room. Trauma is never easy, you may never be able to forget but trust me you can live your life to the fullest with all the scars. Just forgive and move on, don't even try to forget it because I don't think it's possible. Sooner or later you will have better happy memories flooding your mind. 🤗🤗 It gets easier with time
ReplyDeleteHe never came for love,sorry about that incident....time will heal u.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, I am sending you ehugs. You didn't deserve this. And it's not your fault that you trusted him. Are you in Lagos? Pls go to Bible Society, they have a unit for Trauma Healing. And they they will hold a healing session for for you. This will help you. So sorry. You will need to go for tests to check against STD's and unwanted pregnancy. Pls do that asap.
ReplyDeleteI am also a victim of this ugly incident. Mine was done by an uncle. I detested the man with everything in me. I had to curse him and his generation al the time until one day a voice spoke to me to FORGIVE. I forgave him and started praying for God to bless and cancel all the curses I had layed on him, from there I gathered my self again and every pain and hurt just melted away. So if you can forgive and bless him, it might be difficult at first but it will gradually relieve you of all the hurt.
ReplyDeleteSome one you should have gathered boys to flog shege out of his body for 7 days, then after pour boiling fire hot pepper on his body every 20 minutes.
ReplyDeleteSo the pig is still alive?
Reminds me of some of the scum here, always scurrying to posts to display their stupidity.
My dear anything you hear from a Nigerian man minus it by 1000.
Very few are good, most are beyond worthless.
Please ensure you go for therapy, you cannot heal alone.
My prayers with you.
Dear poster he will really hear from God, pls forgive yourself you did nothing wrong,move on and never go back to him,his actions was never based on love,he's just a bastard that will get his punishment in due time, bet me he'll come begging you as long as God lives. sending you lots of love❤
ReplyDeleteShe can still get justice all she needs is proof of chats or recorded voice notes of him confessing to the rape
ReplyDelete