Hmm....
Stella nwaanyi oma,
I have posted a story before, I am sorry that I can't link it (it's not intentional).
I am that Igbo girl that wants to marry a Yoruba guy and her mum is seriously kicking against it.
Here is the update.
I have introduced my guy to my siblings, and they seems to like him at first sight, though they have their reservations about marrying from other tribes. I have done everything humanly possible to make my mum like my guy but she is still adamant, and now she is giving me attitude. I have gone to my guy's side, and I felt so welcomed, but they are demanding that my guy should speak with my family to know when they can come for the paying of bride price, and which is now the problem.
Since I lost my dad, none of my uncles from my paternal side actually showed any concern, it was just my mum with the help of her siblings that we survived. I am also my mum's favorite out of my 4 sisters, which I think is the reason she is seriously kicking against this relationship, but my guy is just perfect for me, he understands me more than anyone else.
Though he is not that financially buoyant, but both of us are equally working and by God's grace we can raise a home comfortably, and I am 29years old.
I want to go for a court wedding so I can get pregnant by God's grace, at least it will not be out of wedlock, because it seems that it is only pregnancy that can change her mind, so that whenever she is ready we can take the other steps.
But before I take this step, I want to be sure that I am doing the right thing.
I am so down and it's actually telling on me.
Thank you all for your time.
I donf think you should tow this path at all...dont get pregnant to get married please!
Hmmm. My sister please calm down.
ReplyDeletewhy don't you get someone she respect and Adore to talk on your behalf,you can also have a deep conversation with her.
I wish you all the best poster.
Similar story happened to my pastor, who happens to be an orphan.
DeleteA pastor from Delta and dating a Yoruba lady. The father of the lady said his daughter can't marry the pastor cos of d tribe.
Pastor and the lady dated for 10 years without getting married. The man eventually died and my pastor and the lady got married after his burial.My pastor was already in his 40s when they got married.
Can never forget their wedding in year 2010, it was so memorable and so colourful.
The couples relocated to Canada in 2012.
To the poster, Love is not a feeling, it is really hard work and requires commitment , is your man ready to support you,despite the stance of your mum.
My pastor was deported and it was in d course of looking for where to stay and living in d church dt he met d lady,who later be is wife and dey hv being together since.
To me, it is not about what pple say, it is about what u have for each other,.Can your love stand test of time. Hope it won't be, shebi I told her not to marry him..The answer lies within u and ur guy. Getting pregnant and not marrying your guy will be ur greatest mistake in life.
I am with Stella on this one. Any form of deceit can bring problems in future. Please be prayerful. Tread with caution dear.
DeleteI had similar experience. I am Yoruba and fell in love with an Esan guy from Edo state. Parents kicked against it and I threatened to get pregnant. We eventually had our wedding when I took in. My mum thought that I was too naughty but didn’t have any choice at this point because I used reverse psychology on them, preferring to be a baby mama. Lol
DeleteYears down the line, we are happily married with 2 kids.
Life isn’t an home video where one bad thing will now occur. Lol
1. Your mother is against it
Delete2. He's not financially stable
Of course his family will want him to marry you, he's not exactly a prize. My dear, remove your mind from that struggle love and look for a man that will help your life and get along with the most important people in your life. My two cents...
@busybee, so because he is not financially stable that's why he isn't "exactly a prize". Hmmm, some comments here are shocking.
Delete@ anon 04:38, please what is the prize in a man that hasn't sorted his own life and is trying to add a wife and children to that? please enlighten me
Delete@busybee it's not money that makes a man a prize - Carolyn Danjuma Hutchins will better make you understand this. Been wealthy doesn't amount to sorting ones life.
DeleteIt does not take a billionaire or multimillionaire to take care of a family. She is working and so is the man. Tony elumelu and the likes who have sorted their lives now weren't well sorted when they settle abi? Life is in stages. A focused and goal-oriented man who have principles and prioritizes the peace of his partner and future family is a Prize! Money isn't everything! It is this narrative of yours that makes young ladies settle for G-boys and ritual ist at their own detriment in the long run.
Poster, if you think/know that getting pregnant after court wedding will make your mum change her mind & give her consent, then go ahead. What matters most is your happiness in the marriage. Thank God that the guy"s family has already welcomed you. But what if pregnancy doesn't happen immediately after the court wedding, what do you intend to do? This is another angle that you have to take into consideration before forging ahead. Goodluck to you.
ReplyDeleteI totally support your decision to marry him in any form without your mum's consent. Marry him in any feasible manner; legal, religious or traditional whichever one that works without her consent dear. Live your life and enjoy your family. Even if the marriage fails in future, it is not a big deal, still live your life to the fullest. Whenever your mum is ready to relate with you and your new family, she will signify interest and you welcome her. Cheers dear. Marry him ASAP without her consent.
ReplyDeleteYou’re not towing the right path. Exercise more patient for your mum to come to terms that you love the guy, please don’t get pregnant out of wedlock
ReplyDeleteCourt wedding without your family member as witness is decite.
DeleteAny ceremony without bride price is nor biblical.. Pray about your mum and see God perfect all for you and Don't force it, your husband will see you finish.
Do your court wedding and start your family. Your mum will come round in future and your husband can pay the bride price. Yoruba people are very liberal so you have nothing to fear for doing just court wedding. A lot of people in my village (I’m from Ogun) didn’t even do any form of marriage ceremony. They just got pregnant and moved in and nobody is frustrating their lives.
ReplyDeleteDon’t lose a good man for tribal reasons. If you lose him and eventually marry an Igbo that isn’t as good as your current partner, you will hate yourself and hate your mum.
The funny thing is that if you marry from your tribe now and the marriage breaks up and you choose to re marry from another tribe, your mum will suddenly not have a problem with it.
The problem is not his tribe. The problem is he isn’t rich! If he was rich and from an influential family, your mom wouldn’t mind even if he is from Niger.
DeleteYour mom would support your marriage if he is rich. But, If you would marry a man with little then she’ll prefer he comes from a your tribe. This is the crust of your dilemma.
DeletePoster, please don't be in a hurry so you won't regret your choices in the future. That's my little advice.
ReplyDeletePoster hang on a lil...
DeleteGOD IS SAYING SOMETHING.
This might just be act of desperation and wrong lane. I stand to be corrected. Well, patience is a virtue and dialogue sometimes does it best.
ReplyDeleteAbove all in every situation the God's will and time matters. It's s the priority in every journey of life.
@16:14, the word "might" is exactly what it is. We don't know if it is an act of desperation and a walk down the wrong lane. No one knows what path will favour the poster. I'll advice that she does as she pleases and be ready for whatever outcome. That's what life is about.
DeleteWhat is worth doing is worth doing well. That said, I will advice you to do the proper things first before falling pregnant. Love is blind, na marriage they clear am. Pray about it, listen to your intuition and above all check the pros and cons of the decision you decide to make.. make your choice and hope for the best🤷🏾♀️
ReplyDeleteMy sister brought her now hubby home some years back. Because they were both AS genotype my parents kicked against it, in fact both parents even as I heard his parents refused too after he took her to go meet them.
ReplyDeleteOf which I don’t blame them at all.
They both assured my parents that there are medical options available now that they are exploring in order to avoid having children with the Sickle cell genotype but both parents remained adamant.
They both went ahead and did their court wedding in ikoyi and moved in together. She became pregnant some months down, so eventually m his parents reached out to my parents and they came to do the traditional marriage and the white wedding followed afterwards.
8yrs down they have 3 kids all with AA genotype (not by accident) and they are living very well, very peaceful home and blissful marriage.
Poster what am I trying to say, you are the one to live with any husband you pick, you know what you want in life don’t let anyone that has finished living her own life and won’t likely be there in it with you make such important decisions for you.
There’s no difference between tribalism and racism both are very terrible.
Poster calm down don't be in a s hurry. I will advise that you talk to your mum about it and get her convinced if she really love you she will see reasons. Don't rush this marriage I beg of you.
ReplyDeleteMe I know there are some tribes I can't marry from.
ReplyDeleteBut you will be the one in this marriage and so far the young man has proven himself worthy so why not?
Some parent can be really stubborn, you still have to talk to your mom, kneel beg, plead and she will accept, talk to her best friend or someone she respects.
Then be sure your man's family truly love you and take any decision that gives you peace
Get married to your man my dear,God knows you tried your best.Why is your mom so hardened sef,there must be something she isn't telling you.
ReplyDeleteMaybe she knows your man's family,perhaps one or two histories went down..Something is definitely fishy.
The man is not rich... That's the concrete reason.
DeletePlease, speak to your maternal family about this issue before making any decision. Good afternoon
ReplyDeleteYou have to calm down dear, discuss with your mummy heart to heart let her understand that there is true love between you and the guy and you are sure he is gonna take good care of you. Getting pregnant to get married just doesn't sound proper, pls try your best to get it done properly.
ReplyDeleteI think you should continue praying that God will change your mother's heart concerning your marriage. NNE WITHOUT HIM PAYING YOUR BRIDE PRICE, YOU'RE NOT YET MARRIED WHETHER COURT WEDDING OR NOT
ReplyDeleteFollow your heart.
ReplyDeleteThe man my dad insisted my sister should marry, (he forbade a particular tribe like your Mom) marriage don crash now with three pikins. They are hiding it from me now because they remembered how much I shouted then. The person he rejected then is having the last laugh. Follow your heart.
Iya Mimi.
Mothers don't like in-laws that they will be speaking English to. If she makes for onugbu for him with akwu and ogiri, he won't understand the whole thing. Before an old woman talks to her son in-law she will have to rehearse English in her mind. You check am na.
ReplyDeleteNOT TRUE.
DeleteIs that the basis form refusal? The only reason I can think of is she wants her to be taking care of her and other siblings which marriage can reduce or restrict. Selfish mothers
DeleteWhat exactly is her reason?
ReplyDeleteYou didn't mention. Go ahead if you must.
I hope you don't throw away your family and isolate yourself all in the name of marriage.
Marriage is harrrdddd girl!
You will need all the support system you can get.
Use your head and be logical in making decisions! Goodluck
which yeye family? you think blood is the only support people get? her mum has no strong reasons but all these tribalistic bullshit people spew.. you can marry your tribe and still have a failed marriage, so far there are no obvious red flags like violence, abuse, 419 etc then let people take their chance at love
DeleteAbeg, coz she's your mom,she thinks she can control who your life partner will be for no just tangible reason?? That's so selfish of her,poster pls go ahead with the court marriage and get pregnant, she'll turn around and you'll be grateful you made this decision, one thing with African moms,wen the gbese go land,you wont be able to blame her,highest ulll end up hating her which will do you no good. I remember wen my mom influenced my decision on some serious life matter,it didnt go well at the end, wen I was quarreling her and telling her she caused it,I wanted to do it the other way but she said no and i listened to her,my mom had the guts to say I shouldn't blame her, I have head to reason and who would have thought her way will fail,she was only doing wat she thought was best for me but unfortunately her best wasnt "besting". Your mom is not God, her decisions is based on frail assumptions,make your own decision,its your life.
ReplyDeleteSometimes if you marry a man without the full approval of your parents, it doesn't always go well. Some men when they realize that your people are against you,capitalize on it and begin to maltreat the woman, because they feel that you have no one to run to. There is nothing like getting into marriage with the full support of your family.
ReplyDeleterubbish...that is when a woman thinks marriage is the end of life....if he misbehaves then move on...some parents are selfish and have no real reason but selfish ones. those kind of parents should not be given the chance...
DeletePlease don't go there. Inasmuch as, your love seems pure. Marriage is entirely different. What is sweet today might get bitter tomorrow, it takes two committed selfless humans to decide to stay married, as they adjust and adapt regularly to the demands of a married life.
ReplyDeleteBut I must admit marriage is bliss with a fitting flame.
If he was mike Adenuga’s son or Alakija, she would have wholeheartedly received him from the door(we know their type). Pray for you two to keep getting financially buoyant and see if your mum won’t come around.
ReplyDeleteP. S As long as you have prayed to God and you have peace of mind with this person, go ahead and be with him.
Poster, are you convinced that this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with? Does he love you, respects you and treats you well? Will he stand by you in good and bad times? If the answer is yes, please go ahead with the court marriage.
ReplyDeleteI'm Akwaibom but married to à yoruba man. I only did à court wedding. My family didn't support the union and my husband's mum too did not support the marriage either. It was only my husband father that came to the court wedding. I have no regrets whatsoever going ahead with the marriage. I have peace. My husband loves and chooses me every day. I would have lived à life of regrets if I had allow my family rejection influence my decision.
Dear poster. Be wise. Go ahead with the marriage if you are convinced that he is the man for you. The same mother not accepting your boyfriend will be the same person mocking you or putting pressure on you to bring another man as you are not getting older.
Please do not fall pregnant yet till your mum get reasons why you should marry your guy. You need to speak to your mum and try to give her more reason why you have decided to settle with him.
ReplyDeleteHi r her some time and see how it goes, look for someone who your mum listen to and speak to the person to talk to your mom.
Why is it that igbos don't like marrying from another tribe nawa and we are all complaining of tribalism and racism
ReplyDeletePray and let god change her hearth , pregnancy is not a way to go except if you are not sure god is there
ReplyDeleteYour mom knows best she loves you and you are her favorite daughter please reconsider her reasons
ReplyDeletePoster, poster, poster, this was me 16 years ago. I am Edo and my mum refused me marrying a Yoruba man. I stood my ground and it's the worst mistake of my life. Yes he is gentle and carrying but he is a chronic womanizer. And to think that he is a full time pastor ooo. My dear. Carry your two left legs and run
ReplyDeleteThat's your own man, not hers. Poster, I don't know why your mum is adamant however, you need to have a mature conversation with her and allay her fear as regards what they might be.
Delete