Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

Hmmm.....

STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

A CHRONICLE TO LEARN FROM

Good day SDK.
I received this shocking news recently.

There are lessons for single ladies in this story that is why I want to share it.


This my childhood friend was married with three kids. Let's call her Mary. The marriage would have clocked 7yrs this December, unfortunately she called me one evening and dropped the bombshell that her marriage was over.


I was shocked. I honestly thought their marriage was blissful from what she posted on her WhatsApp status everytime.


She narrated all that happened:


Mary was working and they shared bills, he knew how much she earns, checked her account balance and monitors her spendings. She was not allowed to buy anything with her money or any other money without telling her hubby even if it is for the kids. He must know how she spends every dime. If she wants to send money to her parents, it is her husband that will tell her when to send it and also the amount.


She would go to the market with a list endorsed by her hubby, when she returns, he will check everything before they use from the items to be sure it was complete. He will now start asking how much she bought this and that and blame her for allowing them to "cheat" her on some items, saying she could have done a better bargaining.


Mary would carry gas cylinder on her head or use bike to go and buy gas. There was a car but hubby would not allow her to use it for market or any other thing. They only drove it to church or occasions.


Her hubby used to count the meat in the pot and when it finishes, he would ask her to come and account for them, he would start with "I only ate 7pieces", then she will be forced to mention how many pieces she and the kids ate and if there were visitors, how many they ate.

Stella and bvs, my mouth opened wide without my permission.


He cut her friends off by saying they are wayward, he doesn't want to see them in his house, she should cut off from them and only greet them from afar. She did it to me too. She only sent birthday wishes and seasons greetings.


He tried cutting her family off by quarrelling with all of them and telling his wife to pick whose side she belongs, she picked her hubby of course but her immediate younger sister and mum still cared about her and kept calling her. Now, she stays with that her sister.


Mary wanted to buy a washing machine to ease her stress but he refused, remember that she said he must know before she buys anything, he threatened to destroy the washing machine or anything she buys without telling him. His excuse for being against washing machine was that it doesn't wash clothes sparkling clean. He said hands were the best. He also said there is alubarika (Goodwill) for a wife that washes her husband's clothes with her hands so she should not pay for them to be washed especially his own clothes.


By now, my mouth had hung in that opened position permanently...


The last straw that broke the camel's back was that the man was a cheat, he kept infecting her with all kinds of STDs and then he will twist it and put it on her head.

 He would tell her to think of any toilet she used outside the house, that she brought it home from there because women's private part attracts diseases faster.

Mary kept enduring until the last disease made her to have a premature baby. He still put the blame on her and accused her of sleeping around while pregnant.


She lived in constant fear and was recently diagnosed of HBP at just 34.


When she could not keep it in anymore, she opened up to her sister who told her mum and they both stormed the house to remove her and her things when the man was at work, she was still on maternity leave.


Remember he had quarreled with her whole family. He couldn't call any of them, he called the wife and gave her an ultimatum to return to the house or forget the marriage, she didn't bulge. That was how marriage packed up.


I asked if she didn't notice the signs while dating. She said she saw some signs but didn't take them serious.

I asked her "what signs did you see?"

She said when they were dating, he would give her money to stock up his kitchen, he would come back and see the things she bought and jokingly say "is this all you bought with that plenty money?"


He would jokingly ask her how much she earns and tell her to spend wisely.
Then he would borrow from her and refuse to return it. He would tell her that a good woman supports her man.


He would jokingly tell her to stop giving money to her family members because family are never satisfied.


He would ask where she went to and warn her to always carry him along when she goes anywhere. They lived 1 hour apart when they were dating yet he was monitoring her movements.


He would cheat and blame her for it, mentioning one bad thing that she did in the past which "pushed him outside".


She endured the cheating thinking he would change if she tries harder to be the perfect woman. Uncle did not change. She went ahead with the marriage thinking he would change after marriage.

Nothing changed, instead he got worse.


Now she is jobless as she had to leave that city to another city close to me here, where her parents and sisters live. Her mum now told her to reconnect with all the friends that she cut off from and beg them. She should explain her predicament to them and see if they can help her with a job at least.


I felt for her but there is little I can do to help financially or jobwise. I consoled her on phone and prayed for her. I will try to be there for her by offering listening ears and consolation words. I won't say any negative thing against her hubby or tell her to go ahead and file for divorce, My eyes have seen enough from stories on this blog.
Abi, how do you people see it? Should I visit her or maintain only phone contact?


Singles in the house, I hope you learned a thing or two from this.

WOW.....

Please visit her, you dont need to keep a distance, cutting you off was not her choice. I honestly pray that she does not go  back to him... You did not tell us if they had kids or not.....

I pray she heals well and moves on from that man without attempting to go back? Most of them always do and leave in a bag.