Hmmm...
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
THOUGHTS OF DIVORCE
Hmmn... 2 years of sacrifice in a home from a wife and it's appreciated. I've been doing it for almost 10years of marriage with little acknowledgment. Rent, school fees, feeding, 99% of the bills, yet when I talk, husband says what am I doing that other women aren't doing?
I've advised him to get a proper job, but he is lax.
4 years ago, he went into full time ministry. If I don't move, nothing moves. I earn almost a million, but the burden is so much on me, I hardly have anything left with 5 kids and 3 adults at home. My tired is tired.
I'm seriously considering ending the union and focusing on myself, children and heavenly race. I no wan marry again abeg. I'm done with physical, emotional and financial abuse/manipulation.
10 years? You have been carrying your home for 10years and now you cant anymore? what changed? you should have dumped his behind long ago!
10 years? You have been carrying your home for 10years and now you cant anymore? what changed? you should have dumped his behind long ago!
Maybe you should limit the expenses somehow. Tell him about salary cuts. He is supposed to be supportive. He has weighed your financial might and decided to leave it for you to shoulder. 5kids way too much for one person. No born again abeg.
ReplyDelete5 kids for a jobless man😳😳 Nigerian women unah dey try ooh.
DeleteYou said he went into full time ministry 4yrs ago? He should be making money from there now.
DeleteSee that’s the part that stood out for me. 5 kids!!! God have mercy
DeleteIt's best you sit him down and pour out your mind. If he refuses to change, separate from him and then divorce if you think there's no ground for reconciliation. Make sure this is what you want to do so you don't regret your actions.
ReplyDeleteSo you think for 10yrs,she hasnt "sat him down" as the tata that he is now,a full grown adult needs to be reminded of his responsibilities, wawu!!
DeleteOya,poster,put breast in his mouth then loving rub his belly while you explain to our "tata"
Hmmm days this lazy people hid under the umbrella of ministry work 😂 and because they are lazy they won't be able build anything. Madam God will help you, this kind thing no be person dey tell you direct oh. You need to sit down do your plus and minus b4 when you no come get again this man come leave you with wahala oh...
DeleteIt's well with you
I don’t understand what the point of the husband is. Who is the third adult in the house? I think you should tell him that God has also called you into full time ministry so you both need to discuss what’s going to happen with the bills and running the home going forward.
ReplyDeleteMost likely a relative
DeleteMen who do this don’t know that it’s dangerous, you push your wife to the breaking point.
You are supposed to be each other’s helpmates, but leaving it on one person is so wicked.
Madam, you can take time apart let him realize your importance.
Push up (original)
I feel your pain. Even as a woman I can’t let my man carry such responsibilities 100%. I don’t think he can ever change now.
ReplyDeleteFollow your heart and find your peace.
Stella mama🙄🙄🙄🙄. Lemme read the comments, please. Good afternoon
ReplyDeleteJesus will fix this
ReplyDeleteYou will now see men conclude that women never help. If only they know the percentage of women carrying the burden of the household and pretending to save face in public ehn.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, do u abeg. I’ve always maintained that marriage is to be enjoyed and not endured. So moment you start enduring with no hope in sight, that’s the moment u know it may no longer be worth it
I swear,the day I start enduring my marriage, God forbid, I bounce, I'm not all about the money but a man with sense, the day my husband says "wat am I doing that other women aren't doing",from that day he wont see my 10 kobo, I will so frustrate him,he'll ask for divorce himself. Good Women shouldn't be underappreciated.
DeleteUnfortunately good women are under appreciated a lot. They somehow get hooked to the wrong person. Sometimes I think their compassion is their undoing. You see ruthless women winning.
DeleteAnon 17:17 spoke the reality. As some of our mothers did and backed some of our fathers and some showed gratitude with loyalty all their life. But this our own set ehn...get as e be!
DeletePoster, You've really tried singlehandedly taking care of your family for a whole 10 years. From your write up, you're obviously tired of the marriage & eager to quit, so there's no need advising you to give it more time. Goodlick on whatever decision you make regarding your well being.
ReplyDeletePoster you really tried.
DeleteWhere una dey see all this good for nothing men bikonu? We know their type, they find fault in everything you do, they will never appreciate you .poster please dumping his lazy ass will give you the joy you desire, please do.i wish you goodluck.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to say this but a lot of pastors are on this table,they take their time to search for a wife that earns well who can also be a trophy wife,then they relax and tell you they are doing God's work.Mtcheeew.pls walk awaaaaaay already!
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately you are very correct.
DeleteI'm telling you...lazy man without shame
Delete15:17, lmao una get mouth for this blog
DeleteHow did you come to this conclusion. Unfortunately people will think it is true
Deletebloody liar, how many pastors do you know on this table? that you know a person or two is not enough to say many...we know a lot of guys who are not pastors who are lazy...
DeleteHmmm ndo
ReplyDeletePotential mummy G.O manage him like that. If you leave you will still pay the same bills.
ReplyDeleteWith him you get free pre@q
Hahahaa
DeleteI see what you did there
Abeg, some women are trying sha o. I can't do it.
ReplyDeleteIf na man Dey carry family for 10 years and wife just Dey sleep Dey wake Una go say make the man leave him wife when he tire?okay o
ReplyDeleteNa dem! Lazy leeches. Who's duty is it to take care of the family? The wife is only a help meet. The Bible says a man who cannot take care of his family is worse than an infidel. He can't perform his duty as a man and instead of being appreciative ,he's asking what she's doing that other people aren't. If e easy, make him run am na. E easy and him never fit in over 10 years. Tueh! If you are looking for definition of a SIMP, then you just found it. Disgusting
DeleteWhen men bring the bacon women fry it
DeleteDid she not tell you dude does none of the above
Walahi women don suffer for this country. Imagine running a family for ten years without receiving thank you? Chaiii.
Delete@15:16 Abeg dont go there. On this matter, some Nigerian women know the Bible to the right passage as in @16:01. Listened to a popular pastor's sermon on this once. He used it to exhort productivity by male congregants to avoid being preached to with the passage.
DeleteBut when other passages of the Bible (we know them) are cited, all the plates and pans in the kitchen end up in the sitting room.
By the way, na me dey foot bills by God's provision where I dey o.
You guys are missing the point.The point is men get tired of being the only ones paying the bills too if that’s the case in their household.So when they get tired,y’all’s advice is that they leave their wife,instead of some more reasonable resolution?
DeleteYou never appreciate when men carry the family all their life because you think that’s what they are supposed to do.That’s why men commit suicide everyday.They are the most unappreciated gender.It’s always women,women women all the time.What’s good for women to do isn’t good for men Abi?
DeleteAnd who said men who take up their responsibilities are not appreciated? It is the ones not doing so who complain the most.
DeleteMadam please, are you the one that birthed the 5 kids? You married an irresponsible man and you birthed a whole 5 kids for him?
ReplyDeleteIf you divorce him, won't you still carry on the responsibilities? What if God is blessing you because he knew your husband is not husband enough? What if when you divorced him, things aren't going smoothly for you again? Continue staying with him as a widow and always pray to God to bless and direct all his blessings to you since you're the only one taking care of the house
Lmao @continue staying with him as a widow.............
DeleteJesu 🙆🙆
Delete😳😳😳
DeleteThat's married but single.
DeleteHa widow kwa
DeleteThis!!
DeleteI dey on the toilet floor @ Anon 15.17 na you cause am
DeleteLmaooooooooo
DeleteHere's the thing. It is commendable that you have kept the home this far. It is rather disheartening that your spouse has refused to hold his own end of the line inspite of your prodding.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I believe that is not sufficient grounds for a divorce. If men go around threatening to divorce non-contributing wives, how many marriages do you think will remain?
Yes you mentioned the issue of abuse. I am not belittling that. It is inexcusable. Abuse is the resort of weak men and women. The possibility does exist though, that your seeming financial advantage could have been something you rubbed in his face as mockery. This is a recurring decimal in homes where women shoulder an unnatural role of being the provider. It takes the grace of God for that woman to not look down on her husband.
I am by no means holding brief for your husband. Ministry is not an excuse not to provide for your home!
It's very difficult for a woman to shoulder all at home and be happy about it, it's worse when the man isn't even making any effort. Are we saying that there's no single financial returns from his ministry so far? Even if it's 2 or 3 bills he can pick up in the home, she will feel better.
DeleteThis man is altering the normal order or nature and adding emotional abuse and ingratitude to the mix and that's very bad. Poster, think carefully and do what is best for you and your children. Love and light to you dear.
@16:58, in today's marriage, there is no order of nature. What works to the mutual benefit of each couple is the best. The issue here is the arrangement is not working to the benefit of the woman. Simple. If the order of nature matter is fully opened and applied, few women agree with it.
DeleteUnless this Poster is going out to marry another man what would change if she leaves the marriage with her children. Well, she would not hear the question again. It is however, conceded, that is some relief. But is it worthy of dissolving a marriage?.
What will change is one less mouth to feed.😁😁
DeleteI'm speechless!!!
ReplyDeletePoster I cant advice you to leave your marriage since kids are involve but this chronicle was me few years ago till I finally find the strength to leave and move on with my life since there was not kids. I was happily doing it but he was never appreciative but sees it as what other women do and dont make noise about it.. it is well with you poster.
ReplyDeleteHmmm. Another way these useless men control women is to have many children so they won't be able to leave. Women wise up and protect yourself.
ReplyDeleteMadam poster na wah for you oooo! You had 5 kids for a husband that has no job?????? What a wawu. I thought i have seen it all!! But this is a deal breaker for me!! MADAM ARE YOU NORMAL???? YOU BETTER MAKE UP YOUR MIND AND LEAVE THAT SPERM DONOR! Poster you are not married but a wealthy baby making factory! Be there asking us JAMB questions!
ReplyDeleteThe guy cannot be useless on all fronts now. I guess his d** game is superb.
DeleteHmmmm!!
DeleteHow people just stay cool being taken care of without contributing to their own bills or welfare beats me, man or woman.
ReplyDeleteIt's proven that lazy folks have the "worst mouth".
Do what makes you happy poster.
Good luck
So sorry ma'am,God will continue to strenghten you.
ReplyDeleteSee erh the hand some lady's give husbands erh it's too much.. see it's ok to be miss independent but please know the kind of man you are planning to get married to.some men like it when a woman in the name of being miss independent, doesnt disturb them with bills, they set out to get this kind of ladies at the end she becomes "man of the house".these ladies don't see it as the men taking advantage of them but see it as love and supporting their home. Funny is the men will end up being babysitter by the wife.. Love and marry with your sense intact, support your husband but never allow him leave all responsibilities on you, that isn't love .
ReplyDelete5 children for a lax lazy man? Buahahahahahahaha.
ReplyDeleteWhich one is 'full time ministry '? Was he doing anything before?
Full time ministry that he can balance his nyansh and feed on the fat of tithes recieved then also enjoy the money his wife brings.
So what does he bring to the table apart from pe.nis?
Lazy loafer.
Hmm Poster Sorry about your ordeal...You can't change a man unless he wants to do so...
ReplyDeleteWhy did you agree to carry this burden alone...Who are the 3 adults that are living with you? Can't they find a job or learn a trade?...
You have enabled his laziness; that is why he is lax so I don't expect you to be surprised...Now focus on ensuring your kids have the best in life...Let him fend for myself...Shebi him don enter ministry; let him use the offering money to fend for the family....
He is deceiving himself entering ministry if he cannot fend for his own family abi no be bible talk say '' But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an fidel''
All the best in your decision..You know where your shoes hurt...
You are doing it for your children. My annoyance is him not being supportive and manipulating you with that silly question. Na wicked man He be.
ReplyDeleteEvaluate your expenses and see how you can cut down.. Stop providing for him..
Your spouse is a manipulative man,typical of most Nigerian ministers. They twist the word of God to beat down their wives into servitude and unnatural obeisance. 10 years of holding down the home front and yet he is still unappreciative... abeg it's not worth it. We underestimate peace of mind in this part of the world. Poster,you know what you want to do. Do it and damn the consequences.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately,what you said about some of the ministers is true,bunch of leeches and parasites and very lazy.They prey on matured and hardworking singles or divorced women.
DeleteThat stuff is not easy. Tested and found out, not easy. I bless God for the peace of mind.
ReplyDeletePoster, may God help you. Some of these men marry working class women to cover their lazy a***s
The issue is that you wouldn't have been tired but his ungrateful attitude towards you, my dear, ingrates do not deserve any show of kindness be it blood or relation,even our lord jesus christ do not tolerate ingratitude, its in the bible... my advice=dump his silly ass, your actions are very much justified, pls for the love of God leave him be, separate if you dont want a divorce,just teach him a lesson,he's going to come crawling back wen he cant cope with the financial burden
ReplyDeleteand then you can now set new rules where he has to bring somethingto d table or he get kicked out again or as your tired is tired, divorce him already.
Madam be wise. When you started it in the beginning you were happy. From now henceforth don't kill yourself. Take proper care of yourself. He is the father, let him provide for the children. Tell him no money.
ReplyDeleteIf God called him, He will make provisions. ABI he flashed God?
Lol @he flashed God
DeleteYori Yori,your point is always gbam
DeleteThis is the reason I wouldn't marry a pastor. They're always the lookout for rich and pretty ladies to leach on.
ReplyDeletePoster, the mistake you made is getting married to him since you were not "called."
If you can't take it anymore, separate from him. If you tell the church you're divorcing him,they will remind you that God hates divorce,so,use separation.
To be frank,our born again brothers are lazy, always on the lookout for sisters with meaningful work to leach on.
Poster l feel your pain but please don't divorce him just know that you are doing for ur children,just know that in 10years to come you will see the joy of training those children, some of them will be working and they will be on their own,all l pray for u is divine health because God knows that u will face that challenge that's why he blessed u with such income, just cut down some expenses.our people said onye zuchaa nwa, nwa ya azuo ya, to me l usually tell people my children are my upstairs am building,my sister there's hope.
ReplyDeleteAnd the boys would have learned to sit at home doing nothing
DeleteAnd the girls to think it is normal for the woman to take up all the responsibilities.
DeleteOr the children will learn to do better than their father and mother.
DeleteHopefully they will learn to do better but a good foundation is key.
DeleteBut you born five for the lax lazy leech na that part vex me pass. Abeg shift you no get prablem
ReplyDeleteSorry about this poster. If I ma's ask, does he do other house chores and give you good massage when you are tired?
ReplyDeleteIf he helps with the kids and also take care of you emotionally maybe you should just be with him. Maybe that's the reason God is blessing you so much.
Maybe if he starts earning well he would bring shame to your family by having side chicks.
Just take it that the role is reversed.
Pls take it to the lord in prayers before taking decisions.. divorce isn't sweet either,you will have to live in loneliness especially when the kids are fully grown and leave you for marriages.the decision is yours
ReplyDeleteI think if he took really good care of her and showed support instead of criticism and taking her for granted on top of not doing anything, she might not feel so frazzled and wanting to leave.
ReplyDeleteI remember that our beevee that used to comment a lot giving her Christian advice. She said she was happily the bread winner and the husband really took care of the home and kids and they were happy. This our poster's man does not seem to be giving her peace or making any effort.
17:36
DeleteOnce a woman concludes that the man is leeching on her, it is very very hard for the man to "take care of her and show her support" in any satisfactory way. The man must go beyond what will satisfies the kept woman in order to satisfy her. Sometimes, that is where the question "what are you doing that other women are not doing comes from". Even women ask their fully providing husbands that question too. But we dont expect the Poster to say her own side of the matter than the story of what she puts on the table.
So 19:03 you are concluding that the poster is to blame for the man's unsavoury attitude towards her. Hmmmm. Well at least I think she deserves kudos for carrying her home for the past 10 years.
DeleteChai I feel ya pains, u can imagine sef wat is coming out from his yeye mouth. Liability husband
ReplyDeletePoster you have a right to feel bad but I will ask you to calm down and review your marriage. Aside money, is there any other issue? Does he support in other ways? Is he a good father? Does he misbehave outside and put you to shame? Be grateful that you have a good job to cater for your kids. What if he is like this and you had little or no financial power? Focus on the aspects that are working. What you need now is the joy of the Lord. Cut down on your expenses. Look for good but affordable schools for your kids. You can relocate to a more affordable location. Just do a financial audit to trim your expenses. Detoxify your emotions and stay joyful.
ReplyDeleteSorry about your plight poster. This is one of the reasons why when i was single i never considered any of those church spirit koko brothers, most of them are so lazy, always expecting God to do everything for them even in area's of life one should apply common sense, they will so spiritualize everything. Poster i can't tell you to leave ur husband, but i think you should reduce ur house expenditure, let him know u can no longer shoulder all the responsibilities. These should make him seat up cos he's obviously too relaxed.
ReplyDeleteDon't be were u are not happy, if u are tired of him, don't divorce him just yet, just move out of the house with ur kids and rent ur own apartment, he will sit up once hunger wires the hell out of him,just stay away from him for one full year, man of God will turn to man of hunger, from there he will hustle for food, by then he will see the need to be useful to himself and the society, Remember u are not a beast of burden
ReplyDeletePoster I will not encourage you to end it now cos 10 years is a long time to say you no do again, you should come back home one day and bring up a sad or crying face that your salary has been slash due to the economy.
ReplyDeleteTell husband man your salary is now 200k which you will have to reduce all expenses, if you used to give out big money is time you should reduce it and only give little. Is time to make our time table where both parties will make contributions towards the family.
When the stress is much on one side the other person will easily fall out of love. Try to talk to your husband and see how he can assist. Him that went into full time ministry is the church not paying him salary abi he is not paying himself. People should be sowing seed into his life except he is not called by God.
A lot of lazy men go into ministry and marry a well to do women, they go for hard working and working class ladies who will foot their bills while they wear suit and parade as men of God.
Madam you dey try sha, I did it for just one year then packed my loads and that of my baby's and waka commot. I cannot die because of marriage, let him go and make money and come back to find me. Life is for living and not just existing.
ReplyDeleteHere is one the challenges of marriage... every one have got there own cross to carry.
ReplyDeleteMy darling take it to God he cares,tell God you can't carry again.
God forbid, I can never shoulder 50% of responsibility let alone 100%.
ReplyDeleteMan is the head and you must proove it, I've noticed most imresponsible men are also unappreciative no matter what you do as a wife.
Na hunger go kill any lazy man that try that rubbish with me.
I agree with you that most irresponsible men are also unappreciative.
DeleteAll I see is your having FIVE Kids for a Man that contributes nothing to running the home! You couldn’t stop at TWO for such a Man???
ReplyDeleteAll the money you are supposed to be using to enjoy yourself , Invest for future sake, go for vacations buy yourself some mouthwatering gifts and spoiling yourself you are there using the money to pay bills and bills and bills that was meant for 2people.
ReplyDeleteWake up before its too late In JESUS name.
5 children with a man that doesn't want to be responsible, women una dey try oh. You should have stopped at three children maximum to reduce the burdens but nope you keep on birthing as pastor's wife.
ReplyDeleteIf you divorce him they will not call you mama again oh, church members will it be coming to your house to wash dishes and nothing like mummy GO again 🤐
Please do not walk away since you guys have been married for 10 years now, just try and share responsible with your husband. Tell him your salary was slash and you cannot foot the bills anymore
Honestly you people will not understand. I'm in this woman's shoe at initial stage that it was easy to walk out that's when your mom or sister will be telling you to be patient that things will get better before you know it the kids will start coming,then walking away will become difficult. This kind of person use him to have your kids and lock up
ReplyDeleteWhy did you give birth to five kids
ReplyDelete