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Thursday, August 25, 2022

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

Hmmm...





STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
IN-LAW WAHALA.




Hello Stella and my fellow bvss,

I hope this long write up will not bore You but help me get good advice as to how to act with my in-laws.

Most ladies wish their mother in law's die before they get married, I used to wonder what that was all about till I jam my mother in law.


I married the love of my life 10years ago, very humble, respectful, charming, loving and hands on guy! I just fall yakata for dis guy. he wasn't even my spec But there was just something about him that got me spell bound.


I met his family during the course of our relationship and they seemed fine. After we got married, I started seeing them for who they really were....


my father in law passed, he was my absolute favourite ,very put together man that loved me and my kids so much.my mother in law and her daughters dislike me. they pretend but deep down they don't like me.


I can be sick for days; they won't bother to check up on.me or even call.my hubby will have to hide and call them on phone to scold them Before they show up but when they are ill, i am expected to do Florence Nightingale things for them, haba!


My mother in law sees Nothing good about me, she hates it when people praise either my beauty, the way my kids dress or my cooking. she will begin to say her daughter's are finer or they cook better or they dress their children better.
I  have ignored her oh, there was a time she wanted to dictate the church my hubby and I would be attending I refused; we chose the one closer to our home.


She wanted to choose the hospital I did my antenatal; I refused also.

when she sees me all dressed up she will immediately start complaining about how she's suffering and she's broke.i work and earn my own money so I buy wrappers for her and sew some cos I know her tailor.


My problem now is I have never seen her use any of the wrappers I buy for her.the girl staying in her house is from my place she told me that my mother in law burns the clothes I give her. she claims I want to kill her and funny enough her daughter's support her.


I buy the same wrapper for my mum and for her.so it's not inferior quality.i have spoken to my hubby but she has a strong hold over her kids, truth be told she suffered for them while they were young so they owe her everything, I don't have a problem with that.


Now I don't bother him anymore cos I see the look on his face when I do,he doesn't want to take sides and I don't want to put him in that position so I decided to stay away from their toxic environment, I will go to hers only when necessary. He understood.


Only for his sister's to call him for a meeting to inquire why I don't go to visit their mum. When he told me I was mad. this is a woman that when I go to hers and bend to greet she doesn't even answer. Instead she would begin another gist with anyone that is present.



My hubby is such a wonderful man I don't want to make him sad or uncomfortable but I have decided, I will not go to hers unless it's absolutely necessary.as for his sister's, I will continue to ignore them. I hope am not being a bad person here.

Before I forget, they told my son that his mother is a bad woman and has no respect; that he should not follow my footsteps, my digital son recorded it on his fone( I give him my second line for emergencies when he is not with me)so you see these in law's can be a thorn in ones flesh.

Please advice if you feel i am doing wrong but honestly I have tried. they do family celebrations and leave me out,I don't mind especially bcos of my job, they talk about me saying things like I tied their brother under a spell. they don't like the way he loves me

I am so grateful for him honestly thats why this issue is weighing me down.i don't want him unhappy at all bcos he showers me with alot of love and understanding.





Please ignore his sisters totally and visit his mum only when you have to do so...Your hubby can be sad but there is nothing he can do about it for now and they cannot continue to treat you like that....

85 comments:

  1. Hmmm. Let me read the comments. Good afternoon

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stay away from them.. Often call your MIL on phone to make up for not visiting..
      Please, keep the drama away from your husband to avoid causing problems in your home.

      Delete
    2. Free yourself from all of that toxicity by staying put in your lane.
      Start acting as though you don't rate them as they don't too.

      Delete
    3. I pray they dont go diabolical.
      I don't know why some mother in laws wont keep their frustrating witchery and let their young children enjoy their marriage.
      As people are longing for you to get out and die are you not ashamed ehn? Ehn mormee, are you not ashamed?
      Allow people drink water drop cup in their homes and stop spoiling their names behind their back.
      If they frustrated you in your own marriage, is that why you want to perpetuate this useless cycle????

      Delete
  2. I couldn't finish reading the rant. Same old rant, different writer.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Until you experience such you won't be saying its an old rant

      No one deserves to tell bad in the hands of their in-laws let alone spoiling her sons mind against her

      Delete
  3. Na wow oo, mother in law wahala indeed.

    ReplyDelete
  4. My dear, you have taken a good decision. Stay as far away as possible from them. Don't even ask anyone about them so u dont have to even know what they are saying about you.

    I wonder how difficult it is to be nice to another. Has she ever put her own kids in ur shoes and wonder how they will feel of they are being treated the way u are treated?

    For this sisters, pls also ignore them. Do the absolute minimum with these people.

    I am the type of person that only shows love to people that show me love. I no sabi do bigger person rara

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PERIODT


      Eka the last paragraph is me as in I MATCH ENERGY no time o

      Delete
  5. Poster you will be a MIL one day, but make sure that your DIL(s) don't complain like this about you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Na women to women wahala be this one, I no dey put mouth..

      Wetin dey pain me pass be say na only men can really love and accomodate a woman the way they want to, but when one man amongst the 100s that's treating them right fucks up, all of them go gather begin curse men in general, playing victims up and down. Very terrible and irritating attitude, this is one of the reasons men are beginning to treat them with distain, but instead of them taking corrections, they'll still continue playing victim

      Delete
    2. Is this the solution to the problem on ground? Offer solution first before advising her about the future. Poster, stay away completely, relate with them only when necessary, like family events that you can't avoid.

      Greet them and troway face, making it clear that you are just being civil and don't care if they acknowledge the greeting or not, they will start regarding you very well, they might never like you but respect will be there.

      Delete
    3. @Dante, please rest. How you managed to twist this into a man vs woman issue, astounds me. Must you always drag women? I pray for your healing from whoever did a number on you.

      Delete
    4. Ak,.
      Shey if I decide to respond to you in the way you deserve, stellz won't approve the comment.
      Was I talking to you?
      You people would full everywhere campaigning against men, and playing victim in every post, but when a man decides to respond y'all will say he likes dragging women, coming from people who drag and blame men for everything all time of the day. But it's me that needs healing.. see your smelling mouth

      Delete
    5. You are bitter! God forbid

      Delete
    6. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

      Delete
    7. Lol. Dante and the anti female crusade. How long will this. Continue???🤔

      Delete
  6. Plz ignore your sisters in-law. Only visit your mum in-law when it's absolutely necessary. And pls don't stop showing your in-laws love, you are sowing a seed that will manifest in the future.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Poster, I have a friend who is going through the exact thing you're going through. What she did was to cut them all off, including her mother-in-law who accused her of bewitching her son. Some families can be toxic. Just do whatever will make you sleep well at night. Life is too short for all these unnecessary jatijati and radarada.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My style is simple, I don't pretend, I am simple generally but treats you as you treat me.

      Delete
  8. I have always known that MOST "good" women are so as far as their husbands are still living. Once husband is no more, their fangs are bared. These good men bear real influence on their wives hiding their not so good manners.

    If you have to visit your MIL, arrange to go with her son, your husband to avoid you not being accused of what you did not do thereby forcing your husband to take sides.

    These your husband's sisters, will they want to be treated in their husbands' houses the way they treat you? MIL knows what she's doing as if her own mother in law treated her the way she's treating you. Even if she was treated as such, so?

    Don't visit her alone. Don't leave your children alone with them to avoid bad seed you won't know when it was planted.

    Good luck.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Keep buying things for her and one day ask her "mama you no dey wear those fine fine stuff wey I dey buy for you? Say it in front of her son.
      Keep praying for her too. You see eh, women have this fear that once their sons get married, the love/closeness will stop.
      A lady I know, her husband must go to his mum's place everyday to eat rice and stew. The mama must cook and keep for her son.
      She has stopped disturbing herself n atimes mama will call her that she misses her moi moi & akara.
      Look for what she likes eating and go along with it. If you reach, dish for yourself in her front n eat with your kids.

      Delete
    2. It is not any fear. It is wickedness & jealousy whenever the wife is doing well & loved deeply by their son.

      Delete
  9. My dear they are jealous of you and nothing more. You are beautiful, have a good job and you gave them children so their is nothing for them to use as excuse to maltreat you. Just pray to God to give you heart to endure all and have peace of mind, trust me it works. Don't go out of your way to be nice, it will only backfire. Just visit and do things you are obliged to do as their wife and leave the rest to God. You should focus more on your husband and children

    ReplyDelete
  10. I will suggest you visit her with your husband only. Since your relationship with her is not cordial avoid visiting her alone.
    Secondly, stop buying her gifts. If she has a bank account you can be crediting it if you have anything for her and if she doesn't send her money through your husband.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Pls poster,be more prayerful since u are already married into the family, ignore whatever comments passed on u.u may also reduce ur visit to her instead call often to know about her welfare.but the truth is,most African mother inlaw find it difficult loving their daughter in-law in return,only some who fear the lord do

    ReplyDelete
  12. If u are a Christian pray and pray abt ur heart, i suffered similar issues, but when i went to God in prayer, what i asked for was a forgiving heart, and wisdom of God. I did not pray for them to change, when i recieved my answers i know not, rather i became very soft, especially towards my mother inlaw and the love i had for her grew, i killed her hatred with love as for my inlaws, God gave me the wisdom on how to follow them, i can proudly tell u that i have peace of mind now, no more inlaw wahala, cos God stepped in for me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I will like more details from you, because sisters inlaws that book left their husbands' houses are giving me headaches in my husband's house. They are even claiming that they are the main family, and not me and my husband and children.

      Delete
  13. Please ignore your sis Inlaw na jealousy they worry them.
    Visit your mother Inlaw when u have to do so! Some mother Inlaw sef

    ReplyDelete
  14. poster you are on a right track, do not over stress yourself cos you want to be on a good book of those who doesn't give a fu** about how you feel. Ignore them all including your husband and visit your mother in-law when is necessary.

    They are jealous of you, your home and marriage. I will say you should also protect your kids from such toxic people before they use them against you. Make sure whenever you are going to that house with your kids you will be around with them. Please do not drop them and leave them with these people else one day your kids will say hurtful words against you.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Your decision is very good,no be by force,do what makes you happy ,don't please anybody to displease yourself............. Josaria

    ReplyDelete
  16. Stories like this makes me wonder if this mother inlaw issues is solely an African thing... It scares me a lot.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Pls poster ignore them and visit your mother in law when necessary, I’m in your shoe but guess what I ignored totally. I could remember two years ago my mother called me and told me that my mother in law called her and started shouting on her that me I don’t call my husband elder sisters that I don’t celebrate them when they do their birthdays. Hahaha I immediately called my MIL when my mum told me, I asked her did she called me on my bday, she should call all her daughters if any of them called me on my bday. Truthfully she did and all of them said no, so I asked her what was the fuss about, whatever hand you stretched out to me is what I will stretch back to you end of discussion.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Na wah,Your mother in-law is wicked and I wonder what you did to her that made her to hate you so much.Tell your husband to caution his sisters and visit your mother-in-law occasionally.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Some mother-in-law are just too hard to please,in their mind you're in competition with them. Please poster win her over with love. I wish I can type what my sister went through in the hands of her mil,now she's the best dil.

    ReplyDelete
  20. My dear mind your business but be diplomatic, stop buying things for her as it goes to waste she will only talk and get tired. But try to call and visit once in a while, greet her for greeting sake do what u have to do there and leave till when next u decide to visit, don't go forcing or wanting them to like you. These kind of persons you fight them "with sit down look attitude".

    ReplyDelete
  21. Poster the earlier you realise that you can't please everyone especially in-laws the better for you. Keep pressing ignore botton for your peace of mind.

    I learnt the hard way. I was called a pretender for saying how bad i was being treated. They expected me to not say anything and keep smiling (when i'm not an imbecile)cos the know me to be a free spirited person and not take things to heart.

    Right now i've distance myself from some of them. Lets everyone be on their lane. My mum in law is an amazing woman and i respect and love her.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Poster, there seems to be something your inlaws haven't forgiven you about. When you were dating your husband, was there an issue that could be a deal breaker but he forgave you for? Think properly. If there is and you think it's between just the two of you; know he's told them.
    I'm not saying that gives them the right to be nasty. Follow Stella's advice. But if there's something like that, you need to speak to your husband and find out then you can know where the hate is coming from and how to deal with it to bring unity.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Just do what you should do as a DIL and leave the rest. This type of people, no matter how much you try to please them, you can never. They'll keep looking for different issues to come up with

    ReplyDelete
  24. I now understand why women are always desperate for male children. They feel less of themselves with only female children.
    What have women done to be subjected to wickedness from fellow women?
    Why are women so wicked????
    We rarely hear stories of wicked FILs and BILs.
    Always women. I have never seen where married men siblings will gang up against their sister’s husband. Only female siblings will team with their mum to frustrate their brother’s wife.
    What sort of life is this???
    And when they talk, they will say they love their son/brother. Nonsense.
    Is that your mil throwing away gifts from her daughters’ husbands?
    I understand your husband is a good man, but you cant continue to put up with wickedness as he doesnt want to hurt the feelings of his people, which is understandable.
    When we say a guy’s mother suffered on him, what about your own mother? Did she throw you away? Abi she didn't suffer. Because you suffered on a child, when he comes of age, you will now start to frustrate his own family. How does that help anyone?
    Please stick by your decision. Visit his mum when necessary and continue to ignore his sisters. Make yourself happy and dont let their bitterness get to you. You will actually be fine. They are ‘doing’ themselves. What they dont know is that, when you ignore them for long, you will begin to get used to it and with time it will seem as if they do not exist. But please plot/speak no evil against any of them. I bet they wish their husbands were like yours. As they can’t marry their brother, the only thing that will make them feel ‘good’ is to make his wife unhappy. God sees everyone.
    I pray to God to help me to love my children and their families unconditionally so i can continue to enjoy their love too.
    Just continue to do you. Everyone and everything will eventually fall into their place.
    Sista Jane.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wish I could like this comment a million times. It's always the women in the husband's family that behave this way,as if the wife dropped from the sky and without a mum or sisters who suffered for her too.

      Delete
    2. Help me asked her...you don't want to offend your husband yet he can't put his family in their place. Put your foot down and still be nice simple... I know a man who cut off his toxic family, when their head reset they came back sober..most times especially in the African setting the man has to cover his wife from evil in-laws....they must say you use juju Na today? Do your part but never be a push over because you don't want to rock the boat.

      Delete
    3. Thank you sista Jane. Someone up there is saying "fear of losing closeness to their sons" is what causes it. How does that make sense? So u love ur son so much yet the answer is to frustrate his marriage?
      Nah it is simply jealousy. When a man showers his wife with love, na so. It is so very common and so many families can relate. They have suffered and they dont understand why she shouldn't suffer too. Very wicked things, many women are. God forbid!

      Delete
    4. Chai sista Jane, a million and ten likes for this comment. Just my thoughts exactly.
      My own MIL is beginning to show love now after i've ignored her and her lousy daughter's nonsense for a long time (we stay in same compound but different apartments and I barely visit) and I'm a bit uncomfortable cos I don't want to have to owe her anything. I just want to keep enjoying my peace.

      Delete
  25. My darling is everywhere......the only daughter in law that is being treated right is the one who has decided to be obidient and humble and always at call and beck of their demand.i fear for female child mostly bcos of this cos they end up in a family where they are not accepted and no love.ignore them but in special occasions get together and wish them well especially birthday

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I disagree with it being everywhere.
      Nobody has to be at anyone's beck and call when the so called people are not worth shit.
      Poster ignore all of them, your husband go dey alright.
      If you can sef, stay away from them, this world is evil.
      Call them only when necessary, let anyone of them who wants to complain carry mega phone and do.
      Life is too short to continue focusing your energy on people who don't wish you well.

      Delete
  26. My sister pray,pray like never before.. Hosehold enemies is real.
    They are obviously jealous of you!
    Please stay away from them, visit and return don’t sleep over again.
    Please be closer to your God only him can give you peace..
    Merryment

    ReplyDelete
  27. I am all for staying on your lane and ignoring them. But you see that act of telling your kid that you are a bad woman? Do not swallow it. They have actually crossed the line of decency and they need to be put straight. It is not everything we should swallow in the name of peace. Pick your battles and when you actually fight back,make it count.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. I will tell my husband my kids cannot visit his mother because of that..what rubbish

      Delete
  28. Let me tell you what I did, I ignored all of them. Including my Mother in law and will only greet her through my husband's phone. I form very busy for them and pretend to hubby I forgot to call so I beg him to call and speak with her on his phone with all love and joy. I don't speak of her and her children's behaviour and I took my kids away from all of them. You miss my kids you visit them in my home in my presence. I don't care anymore,I just stay on my lane. Family gatherings,I greet with smiles and move on,I don't have time for nonsense. Then I PRAY for my family.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is so me!!! I don't have energy for wahala, you stress me peren, I'm off, na my tail light you go dey see.
      Na only Christmas, new year, and Easter I go dey send message.
      Make nobody kill me before my time.

      Delete
  29. I'm learning from this post

    ReplyDelete
  30. Poster,Face your wonderful husband and children and stop stressing over your inlaw.They've been acting up for 10years and it's still bothering you?
    Braceup and cheerup abeg.Don't let them succeed in bringing down your spirit.Left for me,I would never visit her for burning my gifts and insinuating me a bad person.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Stay away from your mother in-law nd sister’s in-law. Dy are toxic. Me sef I even go as far as blocking dem , no call me I no go call u. Period

    ReplyDelete
  32. It's like u r telling my story but in my case...she has sons ..no daughter...I have learnt to ignore them and stay on my line...I don't visit and I don't call...even though we live 100 naira away from each other, although we r planning to move further away and hubby is the absolute best...just do u and ignore them...u can't please some in laws even if u die for them...

    ReplyDelete
  33. They crossed the line when they badmouthed you to your Son! You have to confront them and then play the recording to them! Nonsense i won’t take that from anyone!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  34. Please poster just focus on your family and only visit your Mother-in-law only when it is necessary with your husband,keep praying,may the Love and peace of God rest upon your home.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Hmmm, this was me few years ago. Always complaining and frustrated by in-law wahala. Woke up one day and I just decided to choose my peace of mind. Blocked all of them including mother inlaw. I only speak to her thru hubby phone. I pray for everyone wish them well. I have known peace since. Thank God for block button. When they complain to hubby he just tells them na woman matter and he will not interfere.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Ignore them but visit your Mother in-law only when necessary and make sure you always be on guard with prayers in case they try any rubbish spiritually, you and your children will keep jumping and pass as it return to the sender

    ReplyDelete
  37. They are jealous of you Poster: your good job, kids and a husband who adores you.
    A lot of women who have wonderful husbands actually experience animosity from jealous family and friends; just learn to ignore them and give them space.
    I will advice you stop encouraging your MIL's help to gossip her/them to you. It's actually a very bad thing to do because you are intruding in her private life. It's also low of you!

    ReplyDelete
  38. Sister inlaws can be very mean , just ignore and leave them in one corner

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  39. I find it very disturbing that someone will buy wrappers with Money ( think of the economy right now) and you will burn it. Couldn't even gift it out. Hana! Please stay far away.

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    Replies
    1. Imagine..I will not buy nothing after that...the day they ask I will tell them I have never seen her wear any so I stopped..nobody can beat me. Some women take too much rubbish oh...I have been married 18 years and counting my in-laws know me....I can clothe, feed and house myself even if their brother leaves so we respect each other. Give them their respect, let him take care of his family within reasonable limits and address issues when due...

      Delete
    2. The act of burning your gift of clothes is very concerning. They may have a false prophet somewhere lying to them and telling them evil about you. The reason why this kind of problem with female in-laws is common in Nigeria is in your write-up: “she suffered for them”. 🛑 making children your retirement or pension plan! You give birth to kids who birth kids, it’s the cycle of life. Your kids do not owe you a dime just because you gave birth to them and raised them! They owe you honor according to the Bible, not money, not obeisance nor their lives! This is the reason for the problems in Nigerian extended families leading to entitled parents, siblings etc! “Owe no one anything but love” is what the Bible says.

      I read all the comments about, ignoring them as if it will go away. I’ve been in a similar situation for 3 decades (my own Mil was good but now late). It gets worse even when you ignore especially if at least one of them is enslaved to the wickedness of consulting false prophets. Jazz will enter as they try to even dig up exes from your husband’s past to taunt you on SM years after. Yes ignore them but we were raised to think highly of extended family and no matter how you ignore them, they will always be an irritant. Frankly your mother-in-law may be easy to isolate & pamper to draw her close to you but for her concerning behavior of burning clothes you gifted her. In my personal experience, by the time you are two decades plus in marriage, the mom will be too old to bite BUT the SILs are the worst as they are young and seem bile filled and wicked like mine. Try & relate with the mom differently by pampering her alone with the money equivalent of clothes. She won’t throw money away!

      Avoid relating with them as a group as men love their moms more than they admit. I always advise my friends to separate their mils from their SILs & try to pamper their mils so as to cause confusion among them. Mine couldn’t give a care about his mean sisters once it was obvious though my late mil was nice.

      Delete
    3. “Divide & conquer”. Pick the least hateful one, or the easiest going one & create a rift by treating her better than the others. I prefer doing this to the mom unless she is the most vile. It’s a lifelong battle tbh but it gets easier with Christ.

      Delete
  40. My mother in law and family no do reach this one, before I block them one by one. Anyways when the money I was sending monthly also stopped, they started acting nice. Stop buying her things. Save your money for your children. She has chosen her daughter, face your children too

    ReplyDelete
  41. Love conquers all. Your post shows you geniniuely love your husband and he has shown you nothing but love. In life, people must talk about others. The one I find odd is her not wearing the cloths you bought for her. My dear go to God in prayers. Have you ever wondered how joyful your husband will be knowing you care about his mum despite her short coming. Ask the holy spirit to help you love her unconditionally for the sake of your husband and children who are her grand children. As per your sisters inlaw. Let only greeting join you people. Treat them exactly the way they are treating you. Your focus should be on your mother inlaw. Remember she is old and bound to make mistakes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stop being hypocritical...which mistake cos she is a mother in law? She is evil..so you love mama unconditionally but no love to sisters Abi? Stay away from all of them. No law says you must love a mother in law unconditionally...for poisoning your kids with lies be wise

      Delete
  42. Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law wahala no dey ever finish, it is well.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Poster continue to love and pray for them. Some people are just fighting some demons, then find a scapegoat to transfer aggression. They are likely jealous of you. Avoid your SIL's and visit MIL when necessary.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Hmmmm, I really pray I have a good mother in law.
    Because the way I block people online and offline should be studieDisclaimerd in a lab.
    I'm allergic to stress.
    All this drama...🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ where dem wan see me??? Dem dey see ghost?

    ReplyDelete
  45. Sounds like my husbands family. Do what I did. Ignore them. Been married 20 years and I learnt to ignore them. No matter what u do they will never appreciate iT. Learn to ignore them except it’s necessary and only then will u know peace!!

    ReplyDelete

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