Hmmm...
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
EXHAUSTED FROM BEING MARRIED
Hi Stella, please help me post.
Pls married folks how do you guys cope? Especially women married to Nigerian men with kids; combined with in-laws that won't stay in their home?
As a married woman with kids sometimes I feel like running away, but to where I don't know. I Am just so exhausted doing the chores alone down to looking after 2 toddlers alone, sometimes in-laws still drop their kids with me for days not minding if I can cope with it or not.
Me wey lazy and hate doing chores and cooking but since I got married I turned a super woman that can do anything. I Am just tired and exhausted and I think i am falling into depression because I need help, I need my family to cheer me up.
Even if i am married I still feel lonely. Oga is not always around and the few times that his around instead of spending time with us, he would rather go see his family then come back at night eat and go to bed, the next day he is off again.
I will be bothered that he is still at work since he is late not knowing he is having a nice time with his family, after hanging out with them he will still drag them 2 the house without letting me know he is not coming alone. when they arrive late at night I will still enter kitchen 2 prepare something for them.
I really don't care if he spends time with his family, what pisses me off is that he always gather his family to my home just to stress me out, as I will turn chief cook and cleaner to them, when I don't even enjoy cooking.
sometimes I wish i am not married because i am exhausted. This holiday I planned spending it with my family so that I can rest before school runs start and also to get away from his family as I know my sister in-law would come and drop her 4 kids for me as she always does in the name of holiday, wey dey find were to drop my kids even if is just for a day so I can get my sanity back na him person wan come drop four children for me.
If not in-laws that won't use their sense or don't have conscience that would do that because my family will certainly not do that since they know couples need their privacy and i won't be able to cope but my in-laws don't know anything like privacy or if I can cope knowing fully well that I don't have a help yet sometimes my house will be looking like a hotel.
My husband is now saying I can't travel because of insecurity, I so much need my family right now because they are the only ones that will allow me to rest from chores, cooking and looking after my toddlers but right now this man is saying something else, this is actually coming from someone that cannot stay a day without his family in his life now depriving me from seeing my family that I haven't seen for more than 3 years.
I want to tell him that he shouldn't bring his family home this holiday and I can't babysit his nephews and nieces since I need rest and he has refused to let me go see my family. How do I go about it without him feeling am chasing his family or not happy about him bringing in his family to his house.
Note whenever his family is around my husband doesn't relate with me well, even when I greet him he doesn't reply, he treats me like i am invisible till they leave before he starts relating with me like nothing happened. we don't even sleep on the same bed whenever they're around as he would just stick with them till they leave then he would start acting normal.
*Ah!!.. This is a one chance Marriage oooh...WHAT!!! .... My mouth is just hanging loose. Please tell him you are breaking down and need some rest this holiday, if he doesnt get it then pretend that you have broken down.....Tell him also that you cannot take care of his sisters kids as you need time for yourself....What in heavens name made you agree to be taking her kids?
I feel so bad that you are in this situation all in the name of marriage......
How in heavens name did you marry this man?
What's all this? Madam, look for a way to change this happenings abeg. This is slavery. Ha
ReplyDeleteGood afternoon
This was me 10 years ago. This is slavery. He comes from a family who sees wives as house helps. It’s the reason he avoids you when they visit to consolidate what they all believe. You either define clear boundaries as a wife and helpmate or you leave. It only gets worse if you enable it. Stand up for yourself!!!
DeleteWas so angry while reading this 🥺. You mean you can't tell your husband not to allow his sister's children come for holiday? Are you scared of your own husband? That's why they say, don't start what you can't finish.
DeleteAs for me, I will tell him straight up I can't. Ah ha?
And why won't he let you visit your family? Hmmmm. Continue nagging him please. Always remind him you're tired and rest, look for an example of someone that broke down because of stress and tell him.
Madam, you haven’t even had the conversation with your husband and you are complaining.
DeleteWhen I was still young in marriage I called my mum up telling her I was tired and exhausted… she simply told me to rest, she said if you can’t do anything say so, the world will not fall and really the world did not.( and I even had a help, I just liked doing something’s myself)
Also have you heard the term “boundaries” set them, when next your sister inlaw is coming to drop her kids off, tell her you are tired and would not be able to handle them, when she gets “NO” 3 times her brain will reset (who keeps 4 kids for another woman)
My hubby used to work in another state so I can understand how aloof your hubby may be in helping out or being present in your marriage because he is used to a “come and go” lifestyle but you have to make him understand the importance of family time.
For the in-laws that show up in the night looking for food, simply form sickness or fainting for them, do this 3 times and they will get the message.
Kindly try all these after you have sat your husband down and explained everything to him, beg him to understand that you are also human. If he has a conscience he will adjust and speak to his people.
But with your in-laws you do need to be firm and say your mind. If you only keep complaining it will lead to resentment.
Push up (original)
Madam this is slavery nah. You still call this marriage. You would soon be a shadow of yourself. I wouldn't ask you to leave. But use your tongue to count your teethooo . Don't die before your time. This might just get worse with timeoio
DeleteHave you explained to your husband. Communicate this with him or show him this post to read directly from this blog and he will get to see our comments hopefully, after reading that majority do not support him he may repent.
DeleteIf the above doesn't work then learn to use those kids that will come for holidays to ease your work load at home. It is an advantage to some extent. Look for house chores and assign to them one by one. One person should always sweep the parlor, kitchen and corridor, the other person should sweep the rooms and your kid should sweep outside. Make them to mop the rooms on Saturdays or when the rooms are dirty. They should wash the whole toilet everyday. Share the washing of dishes among them. The eldest should always be in the kitchen with you when you are cooking. Use errands to finish his/her comfort and next time she/he will tell mommy that no more spending holidays with you.
Make sure you don't lift a pin as long as they are in your house. The only thing you should do is to cook.
Again,anytime your husbands direct siblings visits don't do anything for them. As you are cleaning the house, tell them to assist you in doing other things. Make sure you always cook and serve your husbands food so that when he comes black and sees that his food is already served, he won't tell you to go and prepare another food. After all you had no idea that he was coming home with another person. You have served the food and warmed the remaining so nobody should come and disturb you again to prepare another food. If he insists that you go serve them with the left over food, then try to stylishly grumble so they will see that it's stressful to you after serving and warming the food for the day and someone and comes home compelling you to go back to the kitchen
If your husband will read and see my comment please tell me to delete it or tell Stella to delete
Slavery indeed, if I say I was angriest while reading this, it is understatement.
DeleteIt seems you are house wife.
But not withstanding
The early you let him know that you are a slave not a his wife is better.
I will advice if you have money to travel to your family do travel before him or any of his family members will come around.
When they come or he comes, he will look out for you and the kids. If he calls tell him you will come back when he is ready to take you as his wife not his slave and family slave.
I think I need your house address... because I know what it is to take care of toddlers without help so when an heartless in law want to prove stupid, I will help you teach them a lesson. Nonsense 😡
DeleteThis is so sad. Come be like say na arranged marriage. Me wey I lazy like you, I can’t o, I would have avoided all that trash since. How can you bring 4 kids to my house. 1 child sef I no go gree abeg🙄
DeleteSounds like he married just to have kids. He's close to his family, no doubt, but he should balance it out.
ReplyDeletePoster better fake breakdown when he is around.
DeleteGet admitted for 2 weeks till he allows you go to your mother's place for care.
Madam, marriage is not by force, and I don't see this like a marriage but a thing of convenience. Your husband is not really int you. He values his family than the one he has with you. You have to talk to him and pour out your mind. Ask for a help, if he doesn't agree agree, tell him you cant do it alone. Tell him you need to see your family too because you miss them. Are you sure he doesn't have a family elsewhere? If he doesn't agree to any of your opinion, the decision is left to you if you want to continue or not.
ReplyDeleteBabe open your mouth and speak out. Pour your heart out to him in a polite way, if it doesn't work form illness like Stella said biko.
ReplyDeleteNo form super woman again, you're human.
Your husband doesn't respect you
ReplyDeleteThis!
DeleteNot just him. His family doesn't respect her. That's why he pretends in front of them.
DeleteYou need to take your Husband out to a private place and ask him what really is the problem. Find someone to take care of the kids for you.
I also guess he's wealthy and the family has a big hand in it.
Sorry for what you are going through
The way you people comment sef - How can you say her husband does not respect her?
DeleteSomeone in a marriage is refusing to actually state her pain point to her husband who is always not available due to work - yet you say he does not respect her?
Make una dey use sense small small.
Poster - hear my words:
1. We men don't really see what women see. You expect him to see your hard work and then defend you. We men are busy with legacy, working, making money and don't see the small stuff.
Call a meeting, sit with him, explain all you are going through, how it affect you. How much work you do. Let him know you are okay with your inlaws - but when they come, you need help e.g. maybe get someone to come and cook/support you in that time period etc.
Your husband is a family oriented person. He loves his family.You can't take him away from that. Same way you will feel bad if your sister in law were to take your brother fully away from you.
Speak with him. We men are usually very sensible as long as you appeal to our logical sense of reasoning. Don't speak out of emotions. Don't insult his family members when detailing the painpoint, be polite - ask for what you want and even add sex ontop for him.
Trust me - he will be the one to resolve the issue without you saying too much.
Which is all her fault. Why will I continue making people happy at my own detriment. Poster, you’re the only one that can stop this rubbish o. Let your No be No.these type of people only understand violence
DeleteAnon 17:19 you're actually the one who needs to comment with sense and reasoning here. Defender of the universe, who told you the husband is oblivious to her plight? You better go and fight the person that made you angry coz I'm not the one
Delete😧 Sister, don't let them push you to depression state. Speak up and voice out your concerns. They 're taking you for granted.
ReplyDeleteSimple. Speak up or die in silence. It's not convenient for you. Let them know. Haba!
DeleteTell him to ask his sister to let your kids go stay with her for a few days this holiday
ReplyDeleteHer respond will bring some sense to his brain
Response *
ReplyDeleteHmmmm!it is well with you.
ReplyDeleteU don't want him to feel bad while u are feeling bad"really this putting him before yourself..
ReplyDeleteTell him let him feel bad, give him the I don't care attitude too,rest,rest..
Tell his sister that u are tired and can't take her kids immediately she comes to drop them, stand your feet and stop dying in silence..
Anyone that wants to feel bad should,to hell with them all..
Why the hell will they be stressing u like this in your own home that u feel like running away? even if u go to ur parents when u come back they will still continue,so stop them now...
Thank you
DeleteMadam only you can end this usage
DeleteTurning you into rag
You are not impressing them and you are now resentful and very unhappy
What rubbish!
He's still attached to his family more than to you. It equally means he does not value you as much. He's into pleasing them overlooking your convenience, concerns and (mental) health. He knows what he's doing but getting away with it because you have not brought it up. I hope you know stress makes one age quickly. Choose being a "good" wife, keeping quiet and being stressed or letting him know how you feel and his family stop stressing and inconveniencing you.
ReplyDeleteGood luck.
Na you bring wahala for yourself. You want to be good wife... continue nah abi you don tire.
ReplyDeleteJust tell your sister in law that you are bringing your toddler to her house for holiday too.
Hmmmm.
ReplyDeleteAn inconsiderate man makes the worst kind of husband. I hope u get the advise u seek because I don’t want to talk to avoid insulting that mean husband of urs.
Or, get ur family over since he won’t let u travel
😁👍
DeleteI was really exhausted reading this. This is a lot! Do you guys love each other at all? Because I don't understand this mess. I can't imagine how mentally drained you feel. Find a way to tell him abeg. Don't go and die because you want to stay married. You really should rest for the sake of your mental health.
ReplyDeleteJust tell him straight how you're feeling or are you afraid of him? Communication is key in any relationship make him see reasons you neee this vacation so badly. How on earth will your inlaws turn you to a nanny? You can as well take your kids there before they bring theirs depending on the relationship you have with you in-laws
ReplyDeleteChange this situation that you have allowed now. Change it before you go crazy.
ReplyDeleteYou are human too.
I don’t know if he’s into his family more. I think he’s into fun more
ReplyDeleteHe works and then wants to enjoy and you your food is good. It just takes one of two times of them coming and you saying you’re having a bad headache and need to rest but they can continue while you go to bed. They have made his house the fun house and there are pros and cons to that. The fun house person gets to know what’s going on cause people talk whe they’re having a good time. But then hosting is work
I think you’re looking to him to meet your need for companionship and your need for help. Why don’t you get a nanny or househelp that comes and goes to help relieve the stress. It seems he too is running from work in the house
Sound advice. Please bring more on this subject. Admire your lateral thinking on the issue. It is beyond the usual.
DeleteThanks.
This man might not listen to you even when you talk to him. My dear the best thing to do is to show him you're not feeling well at all.
ReplyDeleteSome of these in-laws do not just try at all. If person talk e go be like say the person too get wahala. I have a 3 years old and a 9 months old at home but my husband's niece living with us who is serving will always cook and eat her food and drop the plates and pots for me to wash.
Is she a bast.ard? Who is she leaving plate and pot to wash???? She must be m.ad.
DeleteAnd you ladies the level of rubbish you tolerate from your phoolish, entitled, overgrown men is mind boggling.
You people enable a lot of rubbish o
DeleteMy elder sister taught me how to send enh, she says any inlaw that stays in her house and won’t use their own sense to think, she will send you tire.
I actually hate sending someone because I think you should use your initiative until a relative taught me that it’s not everyone that has initiative.
Push up (original)
15:47 calm down
DeleteIt’s not the man doing it
It’s her kitchen. She should warn the niece
Personally I don’t mind if you leave plates for a little but. If I see them and I have strength, I’ll wash them
But if I leave mine and you never wash them, then I have to speak up cause you have turned me to washing plate madam
See jazmine eh, tell her to wash her plate after eating, what rubbish!!!
DeleteYour husband is so inconsiderate, gosh!!!
ReplyDeleteThis is all his fault, you need to have a talk with him and be very stern.
Before your sister in law brings her kids carry yours to hers for holiday too
ReplyDeleteMake she sef know how e dey be
Here is what you are going to do, that's if you are ready.
ReplyDelete1.) Stand up for yourself. Because no one else will do so. If you die today, they will replace you. It doesn't look like this man loves you. Have mercy on your toddlers and DON'T DIE. That same sister in law will get somewhere else to put her children if you are no more. Stress kills faster than most diseases.
2.) If you cannot stand up for yourself, you can take this route. When you notice he is driving in, lay flat on the floor close to the kitchen. Fake faint. Let them take you to the hospital. A lot of drama will follow, possibly your family will complain that you are under a lot of stress and they want to take care of you.
All in all, you need to realise that if you die for people that will not move a muscle for you, you have wasted your life and rendered your innocent children motherless.
Don't forget to give us feedback.
Your husband na way. Tell him you need your space for your sanity but don’t send your kids to the sister ,if you are not comfortable with that. Tell him you can’t cook once it is past a particular time of the night and make sure you learn to sleep without him being back. Put his food on the dining and sleep, that way he will share the food with his people and get the message clear and loud.
ReplyDeleteI understand your pain,from your narrative it's like you're afraid of your husband.Tell him how you feel, let him know that allowing his sister's children to come to your home every holiday is stressing you. You've tried and it's time you stop them.
ReplyDeleteImagined marrying someone you're unafraid to talk to. Lolll. Na bondage be dat.
Delete*afraid to
DeleteMadam you are really stressed up, but need to set boundary or put a stop stress can kill.
ReplyDeleteI shall be back with a full response.
ReplyDeleteMadam, you will age- not like fine wine, but like a used rag.
You will be 40, looking 60.
Then you will have HBP with wrinkled face and popping veins if you continue like this.
Lemaoooo, who did this to women.
My husbands friend was coming to the house and I explicitly told my husband I can’t attend to anyone. I’m in my first trimester and I can’t even stress myself. He agreed.
How do you stay shut whilst going through all of this.
Jesus
Someone comes to drop 1,2,3,4 children for you and you agree? 😂😂😂😂😂
Drive down to her house and drop yours too
Infact faint and liase with a doctor to give you drip for 3 days.
What’s wrong with you? You think you would get award for suffering
A man shall leave his family and be joined to his wife...that man is still very much attached to his family than you,not like he should cut off from them but this one is too much,how did you even end up with such man?
ReplyDeleteMy dear,it's well with you,I pray God gives you wisdom to handle the situation
Madam you need to pour out your soul to your husband! Tell him you are not babysitting this Holliday,you have tried,besides there is nobody helping you with chores,yet they come around every time,iam not saying they shouldn't come but must they eat all the time? You need to talk to your husband and tell him how you feel
ReplyDeleteCan any of your siblings come stay with you for the holidays to release the stress off you?
ReplyDeleteAlways the wives siblings coming to work. Husbands siblings are allergic to work. Una dey try sha, nobody can stress me in my own house
Delete@17:30
DeleteNot true. Wives complain more publicly. So we hear more of wives tales. It is the female relatives of husbands who know. A complaining man losses respect. Men bear all or take action. Women shine teeth and go behind to complain in public.
This poster as, usual, has complained in public. But no where did she write that she has discussed with her husband or even the sister-in-law.
If you ask that woman, she will tell she thought poster enjoyed her children stay with poster as much as the children do.
Children don't go to where they don't enjoy being at. If they regularly allow their mother to drop them off at Poster's, then poster is a big pretender. And that's why her husband married her. He would be very surprised the day poster discuss this matter with him
what did I just read ?
ReplyDeletePoster I'm so pissed on your behalf.
Why do you allow your husband and Inlaw reduce you to this?
Please you need to stand firm, enough is enough. Let them know you can't babysit their kids, If they insist let your hubby babysit them.
Hmm
ReplyDeleteI think your hubby is just too attached to his family but even at that he shouldn't let them discomfort or stress you out.
Before he even initiate their coming, try be the first to tell him you are looking for where to drop your kids and rest, even suggest them going to his sister's house, he might object but it'll register in his mind that u are even tired of your own kids talk more of bringing other people. Good luck
How old is the husbsnd that he is too attached his family??? Is he a tata.
DeleteIf he is behaving like this ,the almighty so called supposed head, how is the wife going to behaving.
All these little children in grown people's clothes.
Take care of yourself before you breakdown. Fake the sickness if that will make you have enough rest. Life is short.
ReplyDeletePoster Pele. People can be so inconsiderate. Whenever my family or husband's family members ask for the kids I always follow cos I don't expect people that have their own lives to live to be pursuing children 24/7. It's not easy at all and children especially toddlers can be a handful
ReplyDeleteWhat marriage is this? Please ignore the selfish petty man and travel. Go and visit your family before you break down. Nonsense man
ReplyDeletePoster you wear the shoe and know where it pinches most. Better speak up and take charge of your home. You were an enabler from the onset. How can you be a stranger and slave in your own matrimonial home?
ReplyDeleteExactly, she enabled this situation and she should disable it by voicing out.
DeleteEnabler or Pretender?
DeleteYou make a man marry you believing and expecting what you now put him out in public to be insulted. Is that enabling or pretence?
A closed mouth will always be oppressed,Speak up before u have a mental or physical break down. What kind of man will separate his wife from her family and not even care to ask the wife how she is. Some times we see people and think they are ok,but deep down something is eating them up gradually. If ur husband really cares about u and loves u he will think deeply into what u say when u speak up.
ReplyDeleteOmo! Women please learn how to say your stand with authority and confidence.
ReplyDeleteHow can you not even tell your feelings to the man you married,I don't understand!
You're the woman of the house and you should say how you want to run your home as the wife.
You're letting them trample on you.
Is there a friend's place you can go to with your toodlers? Just up and go and don't say pim. After a week you can come back. While you are gone and not saying anything he will look for you and know you mean business with the holiday time.
ReplyDeleteA lady who was going through domestic violence had her husband beat her one time. She lfte the house for about 3 days or so. No one knew where she was. Her husband went through hell looking for her. I'm told that was the last time he laid his hands on her.
You need to jolt him back to reality.
It seems you believed earlier in your marriage that you can do it all *maybe to appear as a good wife & in-law.
ReplyDeleteYou are afraid to have an honest conversation with your husband because you are afraid of the outcome.
What you are experiencing now is as a result of the bed you laid at the onset of your marriage. Change is constant and if you desire it, you know what to do.
I think what happens is when a young girl is newly married, She is all neat and tidy , has time to do the cooking but that is because She had the strength at the time. With time, kids come, they might move to a bigger space, She gets busier, interests change and she is even trying to figure out life. While she is growing and evolving, unreasonable inlaws expect her to just be static and be the same person that could meet all the expectations etc. I could feel like having your kids today and not feel like having them tomorrow. And not everyone is expressive. Some people’s conscience and temperament do not let them want to hurt others. If you see that I do not bring my own kids to your house, that should be enough signals for you. Except you just want to be unreasonable. That is also a signal that as an inlaw, you should approach the issue with every sensitivity. I think to the wife, I wouldn’t advise you not to lie to be sick or any other thing like that. You need to stand your ground. If you’re afraid of your husband, time to prayerfully put the fear away. You will need to prayerfully approach this fear by communicating with your husband and standing your ground. While at it, prayerfully increase your financial power. You need to pay for services that would make life easier for you. Hope this helps.
DeleteU are trying oooo my husband can not bring his sisters into my house without giving me notice, me that my own kids are giving me headache, I drink paracetamol everyday. Anybody coming to house now will be a grown up that can take care of him or herself period.
ReplyDeleteYou've said it all. My 3 young kids give me enough headache. Any relative or in-law coming must be old enough to be useful to me if I would abort that mission myself
DeleteBetter fake sickness, so that u can rest wella
ReplyDeleteWhy not let him no how you feel you and get someone to help you out in the house. Sorry about what you're going through
ReplyDeleteMadam kpele, that’s a typical marriage for a woman living in Nigeria. It will overwhelm you with all manner of stress. Thank God he even provides. I used to think it’s normal for a wife to look older than her husband after some years of marriage till I travelled abroad and saw the opposite. Before I left, one baba that is 15years older asked me to marry him and when I raised the age gap as concern, he said I shouldn’t worry about that, that in five years time after marriage, we will look like mates. Can you imagine that? You wonder why when women travel abroad, they no dey gree come back again. Marriage is hard for a woman in Nigeria abeg.
ReplyDeleteYou have not lied
DeleteEvery single thing is hard for women in Nigeria. The culture is set up to continuously suppress and denigrate women. In the office, home, school, streets, EVERY FCUKING WHERE.
DeleteTerrible society.
Thank God I escaped.
The Baba get mind
DeleteWhat a funny but sad response he gave
Yesterday, an American was shown on this blog detoxing himself of ...
DeleteThere are blissful Nigerian marriages in Nigeria. We have read testimonies of such here too.
Please enough of the generalisation. Tell the poster how to resolve the issue to the good of her marriage.
Thanks to the Bvs who have made working suggestions from which others than the Poster can learn from.
Please you really need to speak up, don't stress yourself and died for anybody because nobody will died for you. They will all move on after few months.
ReplyDeleteCommunication is key in any situation. Poster communicate your feelings first to your husband and see his reactions. Explain to him why you needed the rest and if he fails to understand, when his sister brings her kids, politely refuse them . It's simple o. At this level of our lives, it's not nice closing your mouth and dieing in silence. If hubby no wan understand as na man e be , tell the Sis too how much you need rest.
ReplyDeleteYou saw all these things before y’all married and still got married to him but now you want to come here and make the man look bad.Some of y’all marry for money and then cry that you are sad later.if he’s acting like this now,it means he didn’t just start it and you saw the signs all along.Your husband is extremely wrong for the way he treats you but I’m not talking about him today.
ReplyDeleteWell said.
DeleteLol.. this chronicle has Anambra men embedded in it. Na them sabi do this nonsense pass anyone. Most even tag their mothers along with them to come and sample the wife's food and increase her chores.
ReplyDeleteMadam,you want to die young sha. Why won't you open your mouth and help yourself from impending heart attack or stroke? I know how stressed I am already with a child below 6years on holiday and another baby below a year,and still doing my daily chores and other runs. Then imagine my husband's people coming to increase the stress... you say what? I will deal with him in the other room and he will find a way to disperse them back to their coven. What nonsense! We gotta stop enabling nonsense in the hopes of keeping the marriage. Even God appointed the man the high priest of the home and it's his duty to keep and defend his marriage and home.
As for all these female in-laws, weldone oo. Many of them read what their comrades do online and follow the bandwagon to condemn but go right back to harass their brother's wife. Your karma still dey front. That your daughter go enter person house one day.
"Even God appointed the man the high priest of the home and it's his duty to keep and defend his marriage and home"
DeleteNigerian men tiptoed out of the WhatsApp group.
@Anon 19:06, this just tickled me. 🤣🤣🤣
DeleteMadam you really need to stand up for yourself ,they are just taking you for granted and you are enduring the nonsense all in the name of marriage.
ReplyDeleteAs big as my house is be u my family or husband's family you can't come without being invited or notifying us.There has to be a limit to things at least so the respect remains.
ReplyDeleteMadam please stop suffering in silence, why can't you tell your hubby that you are tired, are you not partners again? Why are you scared of opening up to your partner, tell him your mind and damn everyone abeg.
ReplyDeletePoster, you allowed all this happening from the beginning because you want then to see you as a good wife that can endure all situations, now you are finding it difficult to finish what you started.
ReplyDeleteSorry,may God fix it for you..
Your husband is an eye service man.
Tell him you can't continue like this so that you will not break down .
Stand up and voice out because of your life.
Don't start what you can't finish. He can think whatever he wants. Just tell him the truth.
ReplyDeleteIn-laws are the major causes of break-up in marriages.they will always prevent couple from having their privacy...
ReplyDeleteMy dear,u need time to relax especially during this holiday.make ur pastor/imam or an uncle to talk to him
You want to please your in-laws at your own expense. Madam abeg love yourself more.
ReplyDeleteAre you scared of the man you married? There's absolutely no award for the best ''sufferer''
ReplyDeleteYou've told us, have you told him how you feel? Don't kill yourself with stress, please cos your kids need you.
Tell your sister-in-law that you can't take her kids. You need to rest, simple! If e easy, make she run am na, why she dey run?
If he's bringing his family over especially unannounced, don't kill yourself with work, just prepare the fastest meal for them. Above all, talk to your man. What's the worst that can happen?
Let’s gather money and help this woman buy a plane ticket to go visit her family. Madam tell him a family member bought it don’t buy the return ticket now, tell him someone important is very very sick that’s why they bought you ticket please don’t pack plenty clothes o. Only few. Your husband don get wife and pikin outside and him family are his allies believe me. He cannot do without us family for a few days and his hindering you from seeing yours for years. Insecurity my foot. Brokeass
ReplyDeleteYou will still help her out her feet to t he ground and stop allowing her self be a dumping ground
DeleteI really feel for the poster but what can I say, women are raised to believe that they should live their lives to please their husbands and in laws why that is not bad idea , but when you get entitled husband and in laws, women should learn to adjust.
ReplyDeleteI learnt a lot from my mom's marriage, she was the good wives gang that fed ,clothed, sheltered, and even pocket monied a man.
She was accused of birthing female children, she lived her life a shadow of herself.
When I first meet someone, I treat them they way I want them to treat me, as I learn the person I start treating them the way they treat me.
I will cook revenge food, that after eating and complaining I will mutter am sorry na stress cause am followed by a resounding silence by the time I cook it 3 times ,nobody will disturb me.
For the children, I will politely lie that I have ministry or a friend that I need to visit with quality I am sorry ,would have loved to baby sit, then lock my gate from outside incase you come to check. I won't stress you ooo and can never allow you stress me.
Outright 'no" will bring hatred since she was enabling them.
Look for ways that are perfect with "I am sorry Ma/Sir" while gradually freeing yourself from slavery, they will understand later you played them but will respect your pattern, not every problem is solved by violence.
He doesn’t respect you.. He feels he did you a favour by marrying you.. That’s all I can deduce from this your narrative..
ReplyDeleteThis was the comment I was looking for.
DeleteSorry aunty, but this is very evident from what you wrote up there.
Is good to marry your friend. Someone you're free to communicate with no matter what it is. Poster you need to communicate your discomfort to your hubby and when when it comes to your inlaws, stand your ground and know how to say No to your inlaws whenever she brings are kids or call to inform you that she wants to bring her kids for holiday. Just tell her you can't, not this holiday.
ReplyDeleteMadam please you need to stand up for your self hian!!!!
ReplyDeleteHow will a woman be enduring this nonsense all in the name of marriage
Please I can't Deal
until you put your foot down,you never ready for sanity.
ReplyDeleteNo marriage without some small issues during the early days,how you react and accept will define the later days.
Even if it means them seeing you as bad wife,me wey nor sabi pretend,I will just give you the way I feel.
He will go to his family and leave you and you are there writing chronicles,tell him to marry his family.
Madam , I can sense that you are married to a man who sees you as his subordinate. Find a way to speak up ! Tell your sis inlaw you can't cope with 4 additional kids without a help. Speak up! Sorosoke!
ReplyDeleteMadam wisdom is profitable to direct !!!
ReplyDelete1) yo and plan with a doctor to keep you on admission for 2 solid weeks!!!
2) wait till any of his family is around then form fainting no time, let them rush you to the hospital you have planned with your doctor.
3) plan with your parents too and tell them to request for you to come home so they can take care of you.
Cunning man die …..
Case closed
My style oooooo
DeleteYou are a bad shild 🤣
DeleteIf the man truly don't care as presented, she may be shocked by his response.
DeleteThis kind man even if she faint he and him sisters go pour her water make she wake up still come tell her make she quick come help them make eba
DeleteMadam, sit him down and talk to him and if he doesn't listen, fake "anything". As per your sis in law, tell her that you are not too strong, and if she insist and send her kids, share chores for all of them, next time, they will tell their mum they won't come again and even if your hubby complains about the chores, tell him to get you a maid. If you're tired go inside and sleep. Also, always put his food in a food flask and go and sleep in case of those night visitors. No kee yasef o.
ReplyDeleteThis chronicle is annoying.
ReplyDeletePlease just try and talk to ur husband about how you feel in the best way he can understand and relate with you. His response will determine your next line of action.
Remember, you are to love your neighbour as yourself. Meaning, you ought to love yourself first.
Good evening everyone,trust we are all doing good
ReplyDeletePoster you really need to have a heart to heart talk with your husband,after all you dated and chose him to be your husband,for all we know he might be the one enabling his sister to bring her kids over
I really dnt know y some people do not have common sense,how will you leave four children with your fellow woman constantly,a woman that has her own little kids too,we all know how children can be, especially toddlers.
Please you really need rest, remember your health is your wealth,you need to really take care of yourself and stay alive for your family
Poster, you need to learn how to communicate with your husband. It could be the man may not know all this you are complaining. Just wait up for him one day and tell him you two need to have a family meeting. Pour out your heart. He may change. He may allow you visit your family.
ReplyDeleteIn event he does not understand you, drastic measures come in. You need to faint when he or family is around and if possible, tell your family about your plan so they call your man and request you come home. All the best
Please involve your parents, tell your parents to call him that they want you to come home for the holiday that any time they call you, you always sound stressed, tell them they should insist that they want to you to come home so that you can rest.
ReplyDeleteMay God teach you how to talk to your husband so he can see reason why you need to rest this Holiday in your own house without family interference
ReplyDeleteThe solution is to move to another house very faaaaar from his family. If it is your personal house, let it out to tenants.
ReplyDeleteYou are a woman, cook up stories of why you should move.
Let me teach you one:
Firstly, Start waking up in the middle of the night to scream, scream and shout "pls don't kill me pls don't kill me"
Do it for a few nights, tell him that masquerade was pursuing you with a Cutlass. Other times, tell him that a monster was pursuing you with knife. Another time, tell him that armed robbers were chasing you with guns. Make it look real.
No two:
When he comes back from work, tell him you saw a big black snake in the room after you must have scattered it well. Tell him the snake disappeared immediately you screamed God's name(I don't know your religion)
Thirdly:
Scratch your body with something and tell him you saw marks on your body in the morning or qhne you took a nap in the afternoon and woke up.
Lastly, tell him a prophet or Alfa(depending on your religion) stopped you on the road and told you the only solution to you and your kids being alive is to leave the house to a very far place because they used the land for rituals which should be renewed after a number of years, they did not renew it. So the deity is looking for blood. It is women's and children's blood that it drinks.
Madam, use your woman sense pls. Leave that place this holiday so your kids can resume in another school next session .
Also, pretend to be sick. Start from today. Leave the house tattered and tell him you are very sick. First buy antimalarial drugs and remove like one dose and throw away and tell him you have taken drugs but no difference, that you need bestest because when you lie down, you felt better. He will tell his sister that she should not bring her kids as you are sick. Also, get someone to come do the cleaning and some errands for a fee if you can afford it. Start now after forming sickness and make sure it continues even if you move out.
Jesus🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeleteNollywood ntooorrr. All these drama and puke inducing acting for a daft, ignorant and unkind husband and selfish entitled inlaws. Madam abi na Oh girl, open your mouth and say what is wrong with you. You guys jump into marriage with boys stuck in men's bodies, uncouth, unkind, disrespectful and who have no shishi love for you. Disgusting marriage of convenience that is all one sided. Go and do family planning too and solidify your financial strength so that you can get some confidence to stand up for yourself.
DeleteMarriage na slavery?
DeleteAll these because of this very simple matter self imposed by Poster?
Some doors are better left shut. Life is beyond the physical.
The extent some of y'all go just to keep a marriage ehn. What the entire fuq is this comment? Jeez!
DeleteSome people can be very inconsiderate and selfish it’s sad. I went to an Igbo end of year party one car blocked me so tight I couldn’t drive out and an uncle was desperate to leave to go to work went back gave car reg to everyone on the table no one claimed the car. Approached the mc to announce the reg for where it took him 30 mins to do so . The owner a lady whom I’d approached earlier that denied ownership of the car now reluctantly came out to enter the car .i approached her and gave her a piece of my mind! Omo she vex begin walk away that she’ll no longer move if you see how I dragged the cretin back ehhn it wasn’t a small thing people now came to separate us that’s how she received sense! Poster please be firm don’t allow people walk all over you in the name of marriage
ReplyDeleteYour husband does not love you simple.
ReplyDeleteHe just married you to fufil that part of his life, to have kids and keep a home.
Omo marriage don dey fear me o.
Which kain life be this na.
My advice is if your husband has money grab as much as you can.
If you have your own money still grab as much as you can from him, spoil yourself by hiring maid and a nanny, one to look after the kids and the maid to clean and maybe cook.
Spend money on yourself, groom your self to the point you become a baddie, not only will you feel good about yourself and your body, you will feel rejuvenated, do weekend vacations with you alone, like go to a nice serene hotel and sleep the night there(biko don't add +1male/female)
Just feel good and rejuvenated.
Return home and dont overwork yourself, soon this horsehairight come around and maybe e you can work on your marriage
Lass lass if this doesn't work leave him.
This story reminds me of my situation, somehow. I traveled to go and give birth in another state where my family was. By the time I came back, he had brought one of his sister's to stay with us. No permission, no nothing. This is someone that can't stand staying with my family for long. It's so painful
ReplyDeleteI tot when a man get married and have his own family he will reduce how he is attach to his family like sisters and brothers.
ReplyDeleteI tot when a man loves his wife he protect her from her in laws that want to give her high blood ?
I tot if a man loves his wife he will assist her with house chores. My brother is always assisting his wife with all house chores oh, I love it when I see him assisting his wife and both of them are playing love.
Each time we visit them we also assist her to do one house chores or the other even thou she will always be saying please come and sit down and watch film leave it I will so it. I think if there is love between you, your husband and his family then they will respect boundaries. Talk to your husband
Poster your need to stand up for yourself , haba that man is suppose to be your husband na?
ReplyDeleteYou are not his or your in-law slave's abeg, in this age and time.
My own advice to you is, get a job, no matter how small the salary is or find money and do business, just have a source of income no matter how small, you will see everything change, you can now use that one as an excuse, that you are tired from work or business, this is why I'm always hammering on Empowerment for house wives, any time God blesses me, I'm so going to really look into Empowering house wives
ReplyDeleteAbeg I am very angry with this chronicle /the poster . To be single is faarrrrr better than this kind marriage.
ReplyDeleteYou strong o,Abba,Pretend to be sick and even faint when he is around,arrange with a doctor that will come and examine you,let the doctor tell your husband that you need bed rest....... Josaria
ReplyDeleteUnder the story in IHN, bvs advise women to leave toxic marriages. Why is no bv advising this woman to leave her marriage?
ReplyDeleteThis man is definitely much older than you because it seems you can’t even express your mind to him. Call your family and plan a day they’ll pick you up. You need time way from this monster. This is not marriage and you need to be alive for your kids! I’m so pissed off reading this!!! And you enabled this bullshit!! Time to get your voice back and plan your exit. Separation is allowed if you don’t want to divorce him. Modern day slavery in marriage. A man that can’t even listen to his wife and fight for his wife in front of his family or anybody is not worth it!!! A whole 4 kids in addition to your own kids?? Ahh na you cause am oo. Na you dey take shit to the detriment of your own health and well-being. My marriage is nothing like this oo so this is not a marriage at alllll.
ReplyDeleteMadam
ReplyDeleteFirst, face your marriage. Your husband and wife relationship. Find out what is missing. A comment has been made that your husband is a fun person. That maybe true. Are you a fun person?. Why did your husband marry you. Why did you marry him if yours is not an arranged marriage. Was your husband a family around me person before you married him. Were you going along with the family in marriage theme before your marriage. Did you let your husband know you ware lazy as you said before marriage or you hid. No matter the blame on your husband, the fact remains you are doing beyond your physical level. Without the in-laws, you and your husband would still have had issues caused by your physical limitation. Do serious soul searching. Find answers for yourself first . Treat them as subject to futher review. Meet your husband for a calm non-accusatory serious talk session
Do not let anybody deceive you. Your husband knows you really do not welcome his adult family during their stay. From your post you do not get very involve in their interactions. That is why he is able to ignore you when they are around. If you are with them or you all are all together, he cannot ignore you.
It is hard to tell you. And this is from personal experience. There is a void between you and your husband. Settle and fill that void. The rest would be easy.
Till then, forget all the drama. How may times are going to fake fainting. Avoid any confrontation unless sure it would work.
Do not wait for children to be brought before you refuse their stay over. Dont turn back children at your door. they will never forget. You have made their stay comfortable and welcoming so far. That is why they agree to repeat visits Call their mother ahead this holiday. Ask after them. Praise their previous company and stay. Tell her that this holiday you will miss their company because you really want the rest. All these said in jovial and chuckling tones should send the message. Dont send your children over to her. A woman selfish as you potrayed her, cannot and will not care for your children. If she accept them, your stress circle continues. She even becomes more entitled to send hers over to your place
If your husband brings home any female well known to you as family, jovially co-opt her into the kitchen with you. I suspect, however, that most of the family he brings home are male
you want to die n lv your kids to suffer ba? you better have a one on one with him, tell him how u feel, plus stop taking care of other kids...u too send your kids to her for weekend, go to a hotel with a spa n enjoy your life. YOLO.
ReplyDeleteMarriage is for the strong
ReplyDeleteTell him how you feel.Talk to him.
ReplyDelete