STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
THE UNSATISFIED WIFE
Good day Stella
BVs I need your advice on this because i am loosing my mind already.
My story - I got married 6yrs ago to a Pastor, we have 2 kids a boy an a girl. Since I got married sadness just came in, me that used to be a very happy girl back then in school turned another thing.
My main problem is that my husband hardly touches me, since this year started its only 3times he has made love to me, I have complained but still yet nothing. I have asked him if he has any medical issues, He said no, He is in his late 40s..
I am just 32yrs is this what i will see?. Some nights when i am feeling horny I will just be crying inside. When I complain again He said I should get a s#x toys and satisfy myself and leave him alone.
I don't know what to do again because it is like he has made up his mind. The only thing he is good at is early morning on Sunday is to hurry me and the kids so we can go to church by 6.30am.
I just manage to comply because of what the church members will say but deep inside me I hate Him with passion for making me go Through this emotional torture, I just see myself getting angry unnecessarily. I am doing better for myself but i am not happy deep inside.
Please how do I handle this? your advice is highly Needed.
Hmmmm Pastor say make you buy toy? wow!!
Is your hygiene OK? If not, that might be the problem.... You probably neglected yourself and he is no longer excited to want it with you.
If you are sure that your hygiene is not in question here, then he is probably going through a phase, happens to some people....
Give him time to get himself back and stop the nagging..
Do you now that if you guys stay married long enough and you get to that age, s#x wont matter anymore,
Instead of crying for it, why dont you spice up your marriage? Its probably boring?
This life no balance. E be like your husband fit me. My husband fit collect morning and night every day. I am tired of sex for the rest of my life.
ReplyDelete😂😂😂😂😂😂😂kpelle
DeleteHehehe, maaa niggah!! Say me hello to your hubby! he n’ me, we from same planet.😎
DeleteBig Booty Mechanic
Rest jare and of course,this is a non-issue really
DeleteGet what he asked you to get and make yourself happy
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣what is this again
Delete🤣🤣🤣, these bvs sef🤣🤣🤣
Delete🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeletePoster please monitor him very well, he might be enjoying sex with himself, I mean maturation. I caught my not too long though I have been suspecting something like that.
DeleteAnother man's poison, another man's meat.
DeletePoster upgrade yourself generally and talk to him to open up for you. How him come know sex toy sex?
Uwa mmebi.
If you talk again, tell him, you need a break. Go and cool down in your papa's house small and observe whether any sister dey give him small.
DeleteGuess you husband has a low sex drive, maybe due to his routine or diet. If he is not willing to do something about it, you have a choice to remain there and bear it or find happiness elsewhere.
ReplyDeleteOr hé is GAY.
Delete17:39 Gbam! Gay gay
DeleteAt 26 she went and married a 40plus man, mommy G.O abeg manage him like that.
DeleteLolzz @ mummy GO
DeleteFelt for you but all will be well dear. Make yourself happy and your children. May God restore everything
ReplyDeleteIs it this year the sex starvation thing started? Where you guys actively having sex before now?
ReplyDeleteSix years is too early to start shying away from one's conjugal responsibility.
What I will advise is that, rather than stay in an unhappy marriage all the rest of your life or start having an idea of cheating, you can sue for divorce.
You deserve to be happy as a woman.
Conjugal responsibility? Penis in vagina, in out, in out na im be wetin? Sex sweet sef?
DeleteStella, honestly ur advise dey shock me at times oh.
ReplyDeletePoster, if u are sad in ur marriage, I will just advise you to take some time off it since u have talked and talked and there is no change. Take a break from him. If he values what you people have, this may just reset his brain or you are in for a long thing.
I have never been a supporter of wide age gap in marriage because whether u like it or not, these people will want to control u and can never even take advise from u. There are definitely exceptions
Good advice from Eka Joy 🤩.
DeletePlease people should stop putting up with long term sadness in any situation and understand that this life is not forever.
Thank you
DeleteThank you. Wide age gap in marriage is a no no for me. It just won’t work.
DeleteYeah, that age gap is a no no for me too. I was there, thank God I borrowed myself brain because this man literally wanted to be controlling my existence even though we only met twice oo due to distance, we talked on phone more . Mo ya japa
DeleteNo wide age gap is not like that
DeleteThis younger guys are more controlling
Is 11 years too much?
Delete@sun flower yes 11 years is a lot. At most should be 5yrs.that’s with your age group.
DeleteBut with younger guys, with your age group, you’ll still be yourself completely around him or her and can tell your mind well and change am for each other loll. Una go dey act immature together and have steamy make up sex after. Same generation mind set so to speak. Unlike those wide age gap, dem go dey act like your opinion don’t matter because they’re older than you. Dem basically be your papa.
DeleteStella e no reach for her to cry for am??? Abeg e reach. How many years of marriage no sex yet, if them reach that stage fine but is still to early for the man to be acting like this. My advice: please opt for the toys after all it came from him.
ReplyDeleteI wonder how people say “manage” like for the rest of her life? How long should she manage? Would a man be told to manage for the rest of his life.
DeleteKindly make your husband know that if he isn’t willing to meet you half way he will have to lose this perfect home he has sold to his congregation.
Push up (original)
If it were a man, he would be told to marry another wife to help the first wife. Poster I really feel for you. Your man is selfish.
DeleteShow him where in the bible where it says to not deny your partner sex!!!
ReplyDeleteA pastor that doesn’t know or read his bible!!
I second this. The bible clearly states not to deny your partner sex. Your body is no longer yours but your partner’s.
DeleteMy sister, I need to be sincere to you at this point...
ReplyDeleteYour marriage is boring and your husband might also be going through some things that may be hidden to you.
Also, don't ever say you hate your husband because you are unable to be satisfied with sex..hmmmm...hope your friends are not trying to make you loose that home?
You need to spice up your marriage aunty
Do you even know what you're saying. How will she spice it up for a man who doesn't have time for intimacy?
DeleteThe marriage is boring and instead of finding ways to fix it even after she has complained to him, the best thing to tell her is to get sex toys? A pastor preaching masturbation, a pastor who doesn’t mind leading his wife to sin?
DeleteThis excuse makes no sense
Push up ( original)
Man that isn't even releasing himself for any form of intimacy how then is she going to spice it up with him? It's just wickedness. Show him where it was written inside the bible he is carrying about that he must not deny you your right
DeleteWhy not get the sex toys? What is the big deal there? This is one of the problems with too much gap.
ReplyDeleteWhen i was your age, sex was important now I don't even care. Life happened and i lost interest cos bigger issues took over.
Maybe your husband is dealing with issues he doesn't want to bother you with.
Pray for him.
The guy is 40
DeleteWhere is the gap there
What is the age gap there? Is it not 70 year old that impregnated Regina? This one is just 40 and can't deliver. Madam, your husband has erectile dysfunction.
DeleteOpen your own Bible and show him clearly where it says a partner should not deprive his spouse of sexual intercourse. Show him incase his own Bible did not come with that page.
Late 40's you mean
DeleteThe guy is in his late 40's, he is at least 14 years older than her.
DeleteA pastor encouraging sex toys? Same pastor denying his wife of sex. Does he read his Bible.
DeleteHe also lacks communication because if he cannot communicate better to you when your needs are not met. Spiritual & physically, a stupid man all round.
Poster, it’s your decision you either continue to endure or leave and find happiness elsewhere.
Get him tipsy and satisfy yourself, maybe he will be a bit free to tell u what the problem is.
ReplyDeleteStella haff finished talk, lol.
ReplyDeleteCould be he wasn't a sex crazy kind of man. Or something else. But with men and women alike, there are phases like this in a relationship that has lasted long. This is where you both need to spice up the marriage itself so that it can rob off on all other areas. Don't let the sex life of your marriage die, just like that. Find a way to tweak it, as your husband seem not to be keen.
Right… tweak it and twerk on it!😎
DeleteBig Booty Mechanic
Madam wahalur dey o.
ReplyDeleteYou need to report him to that one person he holds high respect for.
You need to ask him first amd check yourself if you smell down there or something.
This is bad sha, a pastor is supposed to be more reasonable
Gbam. Was just going to ask if she has a good hygiene and she’s not one of those with crazy long nails that can’t wash their vagina and bum bum.
DeleteNot to sound cocky or insensitive but I have stopped having pity for women that marry for money and money alone then come and complain that they don’t get enough D or some other bullcrap.Leave if you’re not enjoying the marriage na and look for who will nack u well.
ReplyDeleteSome pastor's wives are not happy in their marriages but they carry marriage sermon for head like gala, meanwhile those outside will be wishing they were in their shoes.A pastor asked his wife to get sex toys, what is he teaching married couples then? Whatever is happening to him, can't he share it with his wife,are they not suppose to be one body in Christ! He is rushing to church while his home is not in order.
ReplyDeleteHe probably doesn’t feel she’ll understand him because she’s much younger than him.
DeleteA pastor is telling his wife to use toy 🤯
DeleteMe self shock!!!
DeletePls arrange a meeting with someone he respects.maybe your general overseer in church,a senior uncle, his parents et al.this issue will be solved amicable.be prayerful and don't nag ur husband
ReplyDeleteStella why say it's nagging? Why can't some partners be mature in a relationship or marriage?? If the man feels it's any of those things u mentioned are putting him off, why can't he communicate same to his wife? Poster,if u are certain none of the things Stella suggested are the problem then talk with him. I have been in your shoes,I am clean, good-looking but hubby will let me beg him for sex and when he manages to,he may not sustain the erection but he is daily watching pornography and cheating while I am the homemaker and being sex starved. We are currently separated because of this and other issues of which I have constantly communicated my displeasure for.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry about what he made you go through… every good woman deserves a good booty-handler.
DeleteBig Booty Mechanic
This your own different,.
DeleteHe has erectile dysfunction..
People addicted to pornography find it had to get turned on with something else,.
Masturbation kills the D!CK,. It results to weak erection,. That's why he can't maintain an erection..
He might just be chatting with those girls and asking for nudes as per pornography president and masturbator,. When time to bang reach, him no go fit get am up🤌
So sorry ma’am
DeleteMerryment
He is either plegmatic or he has a medical condition. Men and women who are plegmatic can go Without intimacy. Its not a big deal. Pray about it and ask the Lord to help him. A lady whose hubby is plegmatic told me this. And she had to pray, he improved after that. Find your hubby's temperament.
ReplyDeleteReally? Haven't heard of this before
DeletePleg ginni? Bring the man come spend one night with me if e no go well in 6 hours cos the way i go hold am ehn!!
DeleteHmmm
ReplyDeleteIf I post what's on my mind, church go scatter
Hmmm,this your advice Stella,does not sit well with me,she's been neglected and if there be any issue,he's supposed to discus with her,not completely insensitive to her plight,poster,God will heal your home.🙏
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for what you are going through, i don't think the problem is with you some men just have low libido or maybe he has gotten so used to abstaining while single that it's difficult to undo now.
ReplyDeleteJust keep talking to him or better still take it by force, help yourself while he is lying down Mr P will respond and from there ride him to satisfaction he will sure come around.
Abstaining doesn’t stop desire for sex pls
DeleteDo you know how boring it would be trying to force a man to have sex with you? 🤷♀️
DeleteReport him to the senior pastor
ReplyDeleteIgnore this advice for the sake of your marriage.. Don't involve anyone.
DeleteTry talking to him without nagging. Send him text messages explaining how you feel and quoting the Bible that he is committing sin by denying you your right.. Also, be proactive. You can watch porn in his presence at night and see his reaction. Make him watch too.. Maybe after these factors, he might open up to you. Blend sex smoothies for him. Buy Spidex21 also.
Goodluck.
You say? Senior pastor go mount her oh!
DeleteNobody should say this life is balance o. see me when dey always face wall every night because I nor get strength for sex and another woman is complaining of being starved. I have come to the conclusion that in marriage, God dey match opposite people together
ReplyDelete😂😂😂😂
DeleteThe life no just balance at all
DeleteI don't get why most of the time
🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeleteHis age could be a contributing factor, not all men but late 40s, the steam may begin to decline. You are 32... When he gets to 60, he my not even knack again, what will you do? Well, if as married woman, you ain't being dug out enough, you can quit the marriage if you can't hold yourself, because you cannot force a flaccid penis to stand if the owner cannot help himself.
ReplyDeleteIt could be that he is not the sex type, meaning not his priority. Secondly, he might not find you that attractive any longer. The fact that he is a pastor means nothing. He might be cheating aka have someone else he finds attractive. Note, I gave other reasons, so do not focus on cheating alone. Do you also look nice aka take proper care of your looks? Well if yes, speak to him, if that fails complain to someone he listens too, if this fails too then try dildo or just endure. Or start slaying and focusing on you, wear your shorts and sing around or keep laughing at nothing on your phone, he just might become scared and stop asking for the sex and leave him wondering if u are up to something. That might jolt him back to life.
ReplyDeleteIt could be that he is not the sex type, meaning not his priority. Secondly, he might not find you that attractive any longer. The fact that he is a pastor means nothing. He might be cheating aka have someone else he finds attractive. Note, I gave other reasons, so do not focus on cheating alone. Do you also look nice aka take proper care of your looks? Well if yes, speak to him, if that fails complain to someone he listens too, if this fails too then try dildo or just endure. Or start slaying and focusing on you, wear your shorts and sing around or keep laughing at nothing on your phone, he just might become scared and stop asking for the sex and leave him wondering if u are up to something. That might jolt him back to life.
ReplyDeleteposter what happened that your husband lost interest in you, something went wrong that made him to stop touching you. Please you and your husband need to have a heart to health talk to confirm what went wrong and why he doesn't want to have sex with you.
ReplyDeletePoster let him know that if he cannot satisfy you anymore is best you both go your separate ways so that you can find someone that will make you happy. Your current age need good sex, you are not happy cos he doesn't satisfy you.
Hope pastor is not seeing another person and pretending. Is he taking supplement for his age bracket , you both should see a doctor.
This matter tie gele o. Dear poster, please stop talking and just hand him over to God. It very difficult getting older men to do anything o, so apply a little wisdom and also try and spice up things at home. If e no work abeg lock up.
ReplyDeleteMay God fix it for you poster,,
ReplyDeleteYour pastor husband suppose know the Bible, so if his member comes with this kind of issue,what will he advice them,
May be he don't know where it is written in the Bible
1st Corinthians 7:5
Dear Poster sorry about what you are going through just pray about it, I know you will get your answer
DeletePoster, do u notice if he's cheating, if yes..he might be getting it somewhere else..but if he is not cheating, then he might be going thru a phase as Stella said but totally ignoring u is not good enough no matter what he is going thru.
ReplyDeleteStella sometimes you advise people like our mothers lol.. why was her hygiene the first thing that came to your mind? Almost tilting towards blaming her instead of being objective.. mtchewww
ReplyDeleteStella, i don't think it is fair to dump this on the lady. It is unfair to blame her for doing or failing to do anything.
ReplyDeletePoster, feed your hubby these foods that increase libido...peak milk and water melon combo etc.
You may suggest some of these performance enhancement drugs to him.
Me my sex drive don kwensh. I don't know why or how, it happened after my first baby. Don't ask me for sex for a whole year, I'm cool with it😂😂
ReplyDeletePoster have a heart to heart talk with your husband and pour out your heart to him
Yea this is also me now. I’m so stressed due to child care and working full time. Sex is soooo not on my mind like it used to after having my baby plus hubby has anger issues. It’s just off putting.
DeleteThis man is running da heavenly race, he just wanted kids and you gave him two, please if you need more satisfaction, get a sex toy like he advised or you join him in the heavenly race and stop complaining, your nags can kill his libido too
ReplyDeleteShe is a nag for complaining about what she should be getting normally? Why should I be married and still have to depend on sex toys for my sexual satisfaction?
DeleteWho taught u people to blame women for every issue in their marriage?
I trust myself. I no fit beg man for sex when man full everywhere. Anty if your conscience carry am, go and get laid elsewhere.
ReplyDeleteDon't take steps to deal with this issue. Sit down and be complaining, while your husband eats his cake and have it.
ReplyDeleteHope he isn't a man who is struggling with his sexuality? Even if he doesn't want sex, he would crave intimacy. If he isn't giving and getting sex and intimacy from you, then better wear your FBI cape and find out If he is struggling with same-sex Attraction that he is dealing with spiritually.
Gbam!
Delete" .... for making me go Through this emotional torture, I just see myself getting angry unnecessarily."
ReplyDelete😂😂😂
Lack of sex= unnecessary anger.
Most of those bitter ladies you see are just sex starved or their bobo no dey light the fire well, both give the same result.. unnecessary anger and frustration..
When I drop funny comments and they come to whine under,. I always know I'm not the problem, I know what the problem is, but dem go deny if I talk am😂🤌
Lol, anyway, in addition to every good advice given, apart from low testosterone, poor hygiene and boring sex from the woman, other stuff that makes a man not interested in sex is stress and brokenness.. when a man is broke or stressed about a lot of issues, it kills his libido,..
Where's Ceaser sef?..
Do you have anything to say about lack of good sex and unnecessary anger for these girls?😂😂
Let nobody sha rape or sexually harass me😌🤌
You seriously lack emotional intelligence. Which part of the chronicle is funny now.
Delete😂😂😂
DeleteSee one of them.. please go and help yourself, we already know what your problem is😁
If you say he is a pastor, report this case to another pastor who can counsel both of you... you will see he will change bcos he wouldn't want you to report again.
ReplyDelete🙄
Deleteplease nothing is wrong with her hygiene. did you hear her age? 32... yeah right... most ladies in their early to mid 30s are on steroid hormones... like the constant horniness, the need to be touched, that period all the body wants is to do sexual exploits. the body know knows what it wants... the woman in her begins to bloom if she is being handle rightly in the bedroom. this help to boost her confident level among peer mates work, colleagues.
ReplyDeleteshe begins to try to understand herself... during her me time she explores her Golden Garden. finds her G-spot or search for more sensual spot she never knew she had. She develops into a better, detailed and intentional lover.
Its an infancy stage for women in 30-37years. Those that miss out on this life opportunity tends to age faster and they are constantly angry.
My name is Tamunopekeresam
What is this one saying for God's sake???
DeleteWell she won’t be able to enjoy all what you wrote oo. She’s already miserable. I feel so sad for this poster!
DeleteI don’t support self pleasure. You’ve got.a point though
Delete
ReplyDeleteGod why not this type of husband for me. Abeg sex no be good.
You married a pastor. Heaven is his goal. Maybe he is doing spiritual exceeise and need total commitment on it. Na you open your eyes marry pastor. Biko buy sex toys and allow peace in your home.
ReplyDeleteHeaven is his goal? Abraham that is resident in the Lord's bossom was still having "it" with Sarah at an advanced age. Na so prophesy take materialise. Pastor is a title. He is still human and should have the normal urge for this God-ordained pleasure within marriage.
DeleteWe should be careful with what we let in. Sex toys, pornography... Next thing, they will start binding and casting what should not have been there in the first place.
See that early morning church, stop going
ReplyDeleteTell him you’re not a hypocrite to follow A man that is not your “husband” to church. No Saturday night “vigil” no Sunday church. The end
Honestly, I agree with this
DeleteHNMMMMM Wonderful!
ReplyDeleteDante you won't kill me
ReplyDeleteAge gap is much too much!!! Why didn’t you marry someone your age group? I’m sure in conversation self you guys won’t be on the same page! He go dey act like he’s your dad.
ReplyDeleteChaiii... this life no balance at alllll
ReplyDeleteYou see this life eeh na only God know people wey go make heaven and those that won't; because the way many pastors and their wives pretend to be in a perfect marriage before the members is out of this world.
ReplyDeleteWhen you see them outside, you will pray to have their kind of marriage, not knowing how much they cry inside. That's why I always pity those who sow seed and pray to have the kind of marriage of a particular man/woman of God.
Madam my advice for you: improve in your hygiene, don't carry dirty hair, get nice clothes and always dress well even when at home, get nice body spray, also make your home clean.
Keep yourself busy, stop nagging and pray for your home.
I can't support you using sex toy, it can invite spirit husband into your life
Sometimes, men say some words in exasperation. That toys recommendation may be such.
ReplyDeleteThe first issue here is communication gap. The couple are not communicating. "I don talk Taya" is not communicating. In fact it is the best proof of lack of communication.
Lack of understanding is the second.
The third is unwillingness to change or learn.
The fourth is health, finance, stress, hygiene, etc.
The fifth is low libido by nature or age.
Note: the physical is last listed.
These are theory points. Experience is the best teacher
So true!!!
DeleteCommunication is a two way street, you can't communicate with someone who is not interested, it will be received as nagging or yarning. So asper the first point, is the man ready to communicate the reason for his low libido?
DeleteYou can use church to threaten him. Tell him that you won't present an image of a happy wife outside especially in church,if he refused to cooperate with you. No sex,no church!
ReplyDeleteIt you could try giving him afrodiac that would make him want to have sex even if he doesn't want to ...but the thing about this thing is that you have to prepare your body for it cause you go tire and he won't stop till he is relieved and you could get very sore ...but am sure the sex would last you a long time till you want again
ReplyDeleteAre you not the one cooking his food? So madam, you don't know the spices you can use in cooking to improve his Libido! Nnem, na you go run for sex when you use the right flavour. Not all the time maggi,maggi!! Even if you'll still add maggi, use some spices like cumin, corianda, fennel, mints, oregano etc to boil your meat, you go testify!!!.
ReplyDelete