Hmmm...
STAND ALONE NARRTIVE
CONFRONT OR NOT?
Would it be right I call this man and tell him how I am so much disappointed in his behavior? he was a pretender before now but I didn’t know he will behave like this after I thought he was a mature man.
The issue is a man that got my sister pregnant and told her he was going to marry her, he even got her engaged, came to ask for her hand in marriage but promised to come for the list but till date no show.
The pregnancy is 8 months old already and no one is even talking about him coming to pay her bride price at the moment. The main issue is that this guy has refused to give her money to buy baby things.
He gave her only 15k we had to join hands as a family to send her baby things both dippers, baby food, baby clothes and to pay for hospital things. I lost my baby last year and me and hubby decided to wait a little before I try for another one since I have a 3 year old child, so all the baby things I bought I way billed all to her.
I asked her what she needed right now she said food stuff and I promised to send her 50k month end to stock the house so that when she put to bed, she will have food to eat, I don’t want her to think too much before high blood pressure comes in.
I know she made a great mistake which we have scolded her but you cannot throw away a child with the water you bath that child with cos the child poo poo on their body. That is what we are doing already she knows she fucked up and we are sure she has learnt from her mistakes .
I called the guy two months ago forming my dad was asking why the delay with him coming for the list but immediately he heard about the list he told me he was busy and will call me back. Till date he hasn’t called me back we are not even interested in him marrying her cos as it stands now he is not going to take care of our sister if she marries him.
Whether he gives her money or not she will be fine without him cos we are trying our very best to make sure we assist her in our little ways and she has been doing fine with the pregnancy journey. Age is not on her side but the progress with her pregnancy we are so grateful to God.
BVs, will it be okay I call the man and talk some sense into his head and ask him how he sleeps at night knowing fully well he got someone’s daughter pregnant and abandoned her.
He is a federal government worker who is also a graduate from a university. He is a uniform man. I want him to take up his responsibility with my sister so that they can co parent in peace since marriage is not going to work .
There are so many questions begging for answers in this story but because you are not the one directly involved, you have no righ to confront the man....
Sit your sister down and ask her what happened, she cannot feign that she doesnt know..
Ask her if they had a fight and broke up and she is ashamed to say so..
On the other hand, you said he is a govt worker? He probably does not have the money to do the things he planned doing.....Whatever happens, dont poke your nose into the issue, let your sister sort it out, you said age is not on her side, meaning that she is also mature....
What could possibly happen that would make one abandon his pregnant fiancee??? The guy is a douche. If he doesn't care about the baby ur sister is carrying for him, his own baby then it's not ur sister he will care for.
ReplyDeleteIf she's wearing a ring, abeg, let her go and flush the nonsense and y'all should try and concentrate on the baby coming. Ignore him and pretend like ur sister impregnated herself.
He might be married, he might have someone else, what if bvs sister just got preg to hook him up, so many possibilities. But the way it is even if he comes begging to be in the child's life u guys shouldnt take him serious. Your sister should get ready to take care of herself and her child. You ain't the one to let a responsible man know that if he doesn't want to get married to the mum of his child he should at least take up responsibility of the child ..... Another thing I notice is most guys are so lazy that when they noticed the ladies family can take care of any situation, they just fell relax .
DeleteDo not call him at all. Infact you all should do thanksgiving, your sister dodged a bullet. She should never accept that guy back,and if possible delete him completely from her life.
DeleteMy anger in all of these is that after this whole act, the man will come later to claim a child he never took care of and world people will say ehen just forgive or the man will be comfortable and be saying the child will definitely look for me no matter what.
DeletePoster if your sister or the man in question is in Lagos, take him to Judge Funmi's justice court. Check YouTube for their contact. I hope Stella posts this
Deleteas the man will be mandated to pay her allowance for the baby's upkeep, medical bills, etc. You don't need a lawyer to represent your sister in court. All the best.
Support her to the way you feel right
DeleteI hope he is not a federal road safety staff. I know someone there that has been doing this serially.
ReplyDelete😂 I hope it’s not one media guy that works on the island. This stinks like his MO. Getting women pregnant n abandoning them. He runs away from responsibility even down to his family……. Na curse?????
DeleteEncourage your sister to stay without him. Start her a business when she has given birth. Forget about that man biko.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry this happened to your sister. Unfortunately there are no legal or cultural consequences of getting someone pregnant except filing for child support. From time immemorial, absentee and dead beat fathers have always existed. Your sister has to brace herself to raise the child alone. And though I understand your emotions, pls control them cos even if you force a horse to a river you can't force it to drink. It's near impossible to force or coerce a man to commit or marry and even if you succeed, the wife will suffer in the union...
ReplyDeleteAnd young ones pls learn from this. Women often bear the brunt of the side effects of any relationship. So pls avoid fornication. Romantic kisses and sexual exploits are not synonymous with commitment. When belle enter, many men will run away... since nineteen gbiridim to present, this remains the situation. Learn!
Me i forced my horse to the river and he drank it all up when i dragged him to court and sued his ass. He lied so much , made empty promises and eloped till i found him years later. Oga dey pay school fees and upkeep on a regular without fail
DeleteI love you already 20:10😍😍
DeleteOh I'm happy you were able to sue him and get your dues. I mean you can't force a man to commit/marry but definitely legally he can and should be made to pay child support.
DeleteYou need to have a sisterly conversation with your sister first before you can conclude about the guy, ladies fuckup too.
ReplyDeleteWhat if he caught your sister cheating?
Please buy enough foodstuffs that 50k can buy and send it to her. Don't send the money send the foodstuffs.
Poke your nose
ReplyDeleteIt’s your sister not a stranger
Text him and say you will call his job to ask them to send part of his salary for support
He’s a federal worker so there’s no place for him to hide
You can also let him know once the child is born you will demand dna test from court and ask for support
Yes, Nigerian courts also approve support tho depending on the state it may or may not be much
She cannot call his work and ask them to send part of his salary to her sister. That can only be done by a court or social welfare.
Delete20:53 I know the job won’t comply without a court order but letting him know you will involve his job might get him to behave without court
DeleteIf nothing then follow the next steps outlined
We keep saying people should mind their business but sometimes one is force to say otherwise. If you fight for your sister now who will fight for her in the future? You can only advice her but please never you be the one to confront the man over this issue.
ReplyDeleteYou should tell your sister to confront him why he is acting up and open up if there is anything. If she can't confront him she should face her front and learn from this one. If she have waited for things to be done in a proper way maybe you wouldn't be sending this chronicle.
This is really sad but I think your sister should be the one talking to him and not you.
ReplyDeleteNigeria doesn’t work like that most times
DeleteI can give too many examples where the guy was called to order by his family or the girls family
The man has changed his mind about marrying your sister. By the way I hope your sis is not living with him. Let her not make that mistake. Pls. Let the man be and give your sister the support and care she needs. I doubt he planned to marry your Sister in the first place. I really doubt it.
ReplyDelete"I doubt he planned to marry your Sister in the first place. I really doubt it"?
DeletePlenty things happen in relationships. Men develop cold feet too. People discover or learn discouraging information about their proposed marital partner, etc. This is why some people call off marriages or a marriage can be stopped legally even on the day of the ceremony. This is why some families and culture insist on marriage before pregnancy. It is always easier to tax a husband father with responsibility for the children of the marriage than a man not married to the mother of his child.
Take it up with his job and you might get a response.If you have those govt agencies that are responsible for those issues around you,contact them and they will contact his job.his head will correct
ReplyDeleteBiggest mistake they will make is compelling him to marry their sister.
DeleteNobody is asking him to marry her...he needs to be responsible for the child. Sex has consequences too. People should learn to lay cards on the table and stop hiding like thieves...
DeleteThis actually happened in my last place of work, girl came to report to Madam, Madam started paying her half of the guy's salary till she gave birth, then gave her a minor job.
DeleteMaybe he is a married man trying to run away from another responsibility.They should try to investigate him............ Josaria
ReplyDeleteOr a useless serial baby daddy. Your sister don jam goat.
DeleteYou can talk to him to take up his responsibilities to his child , if he refuse, let him be but don't let that child bear his name, remove him from the child's life and let your family raise him or her, after birth and he doesn't send anything, let your sister change her address and block him.
Tomorrow will tell.
This is why I don't pity those old men that they abandon and they will be roaming around like homeless beggars at old age. People will be asking if they don't have children. Is it children that you abandoned that will take care of you at old age?
17:02
DeleteLife happens. Not all roaming aged persons abandoned children as insinuated. Some never had children. Some had and did their best as parents but the children did them "left". Some depended on the children and lost all children at old age.
Note. "Aged persons" was used advisedly. Aged men and women roam and beg to live. In one case, the woman abandoned her child behind for her husband when leaving the marriage. She never looked back. Then she did never had another child. At old age, she turned back to beg the child for sustenance. Man - women and men - make mistakes of life.
Aged men and women roam. Agreed we are talking about a man. Just to rein in the generalisation.
I don't think you confronting him will change anything because the man isn't just interested. Just take care of your sister and her baby and forget about the sperm donor
ReplyDeleteYou people should just forget about the man and take care of ur sister
ReplyDeleteTrue
DeleteForget him
Tomorrow will tell.
Bad advice that is repeatedly given to women. She needs to drag him to court or social welfare so he can start taking care of the baby's expenses. Knowing that he will need to face the consequences of not using condom or abstaining from sex can deter him from going around impregnating girls up and down.
DeleteIt's your parents that can ask him these question.
ReplyDeleteThey need to question your sister too about the relationship she had with this man.
In the end if he doesn't man up and take responsibility you guys leave him cos he will definitely regret his actions soon.
I hate these stuff, no matter how broke he is he should be able to send something every month.
It's ok by force to marry, but let him be responsible.
All these irresponsible men nemesis will catch up with them one day, shebi what they usually use to console themselves is that when the child grows up , he will surely look for his or her father . But this is a generation of you can't eat your cake and have it.
ReplyDeletePoster I am glad you stood by your sister in this difficult period ,may she delivere safely.
The man could probably be a married man,there is no point calling him.you all should continue to rally round your sis,when she puts to bed,she will know what to do.i wish her safe delivery.
ReplyDeleteHim being a uniform man makes it a little bit easy,kindly write a petition with evidence attached to it and address it to the head of the agency through his state where he is serving and attach the list of all the things and cost you need for baby plus education etc you might be lucky they will split his salary without you having to be in contact with him.or you put him publicly most uniformed agencies do not like public embarrassment by staff.
ReplyDeletePoster, reach out to him. Your family needs to know what changed. Good afternoon
ReplyDeleteIt's obvious he doesn't wanna marry her again. Just take of your sister and blank him. If you put pressure and he's forced to marry her coz of pregnancy, she won't enjoy that marriage.
ReplyDeleteSorry for what happened to your sister. You guys should just forget abt the guy for now. Concrete on the baby and your sister after delivery. If possible equip her with something. That Mofo will definitely come around one day like his type always do . Then it will be pay back time. Till then ...... 🤞
ReplyDeletePoster,I hope your sister isn't still living with this man.He must take care of his responsibilities whether he likes it or not.Talk your sister back into her confidence and make her arrange with his babyDada about child support.
ReplyDeleteHe won't get away with this.
Ur sister is mature to handle issues herself remember it's her relationship not urs.take urself out of the picture,instead encourage ur sister to speak to her man herself and then know the final outcome.pls allow ur sister birth her baby in peace since the man isn't ready to get married to her now.afterall the mistake has already been made.she can learn from it
ReplyDeleteUr sister is mature to handle issues herself remember it's her relationship not urs.take urself out of the picture,instead encourage ur sister to speak to her man herself and then know the final outcome.pls allow ur sister birth her baby in peace since the man isn't ready to get married to her now.afterall the mistake has already been made.she can learn from it
ReplyDeleteWhy will she take herself out of it. Abeg we are Africans. We watch watch each other’s back. So what do you want her sister to do in such a vulnerable state. Poster fight that man tooth and nail to secure child support except you just don’t want him in the baby’s life and your sis is financially stable.
DeleteAs a lady If you must get pregnant Biko at least plan yourself well, can u take care of these child alone? Family will help but to an extent so umuwayi let's be smart at this..
ReplyDeleteNothing changed. It's how most men behave. She sud have tot ABT all these . Just continue helping her till she gets bk on her feet
ReplyDeleteNot true about most men. However, this man's abandonment of the child is not right by any standard.
DeleteYou and your family need to treat his fuck up....for how long will you guys continue to take care of your sister and the baby.
ReplyDeleteMaybe the man is married already.
DeleteThen again, the culture of kids will look for their father when they grow up has made so many men to abandon their responsibilities towards their baby mamas.
They only ce back with apologies when the child is grown.
It's well with your sis.
When they told you people to give your life to Christ and that premarital sex is fornication you won't listen ,or calling us deputy Jesus now your sister is in trouble for 20 yrs because that pregnancy even after birth that man won't do anything,if you call the man is to talk sense into him because you were there when your sister was receiving gbola; better don't receive insult upon injury
ReplyDeleteThat man is married, he just entered and discharged, if he is military that makes it worse, most of this military officers are womanisers they just want to dip there stick into a hole. Talking to the he-goat will not change a thing, what u need to discuss with ur family members is how to gather and open a biz for ur sis once she puts to bed and is strong for such.
ReplyDeleteAge is not on her side?
ReplyDeleteBut she is old enough to fcuk, and old enough to get pregnant abi?
Ehen how e take concern you to dey waylay her fcuk partner.
That someone provides sperm does not automatically make him a good husband or father.
If the man does not have enough commonsense to take care of a woman he impregnated, what makes you think he will take care of the child when it arrives?
No be Nigerian man again? Thick scum.
Better focus on the safe delivery.
If she likes let her fling leg open like Shoprite door again.Na she saka.
Stella you are funny..that guy has no excuse. If he is not ready to marry tell them so straight up...send money for the baby's upkeep simple. If you think the baby is not yours then say so and stop sending money if DNA confirms it. I wonder why people just cannot be responsible....he is not worth marrying
ReplyDeleteNa wa for you o. Did they both agree for her to hold on to the proof of their bad decision, 2 people had oshiofree sex, only 1 person held on the evidence and want the other to pay for 18yrs, na craze woman you be? And belle na racket now?
DeleteDid they agree to keep the pregnancy together or your sister hooked it on him becos she is getting old. Some of these men are targets of preying old women these days. If your sister decided to keep baby by herself becos of age please leave the man out of it. How to sustain the child by herself should have been your sisters goal when she thought to keep the pregnancy, biko leave the unconventional man out of it, he consented to sex not baby.
DeleteDon't confront him, you people should leave him let him go. Your sister should move on, start her up with business or job after maternity leave. Thank God you guys dodged a bullet.Let her use this to learn to find true love.Safe delivery to your sister and God continue to bless you for being there for your sister.
ReplyDeleteStory of my life
ReplyDeleteIt is well. We all make mistakes how we move past it with head held high is what matters.
Delete🤗🤗🤗
DeleteThank God for your family. Thank you for standing by your sister. Forget the man. Act as if he never existed. He will be feeling fly if you keep calling and asking him to send money. He is an adult. He should not be reminded of what to do. He will look for your sister if everyone ignores him. Silence is golden Safe delivery to your sister in advance.
ReplyDeleteNobody gets anybody pregnant pls. Two people have sex without protection what do you expect biko? Pray say na only belle your sister carry, and no she is not a victim, she should love with he consequence of her poor decision.
ReplyDeletePoster, your sister can reach out to The Justice Court, get a DNA (after birth) and drag him to court to pay child support until the child turns 18 years. Your family can support, but it's the primary responsibility of the father and of course the mother, to take care of their child. I think the Justice Court is at Ikeja-Lagos.. Just Google it, you'll find information on where and how to contact them. All the best.
ReplyDeleteUniform man.na one chance.he had another family.his real family.
ReplyDeleteThe man is seriously married
ReplyDeleteHe doesn't want marriage with your sister.
He came to your sisters life to be a sperm donor and he has achieved his aim.
You people should bone him,stop contacting him,let him be and trust me he must definitely come back by then you people will treat his face up.
Safe delivery to your sister.
Remember to give us update..
It is well with your family.
Probably, the man doesn't truly loves her and ready to be committed, because if he does, he wouldn't behave like that.
ReplyDeleteIs this a new trend!! That's how one yeye man said I should get pregnant for him with empty promises before marriage. Its either I get pregnant or no marriage at all.
ReplyDeleteWhat sort of rubbish is that? So if I don't get pregnant nko? Na wa oo. I insulted hes destiny.
Well poster. Sometimes we have to learn from our mistakes. Children bring joy and blessings and this is your cross to carry.
My advice is to carry your cross and forget about him. Hopefully you get a good job and take care of your child.
Or take the matter up at the Justice court as advertised on youtube.
Some men can be so wicked at heart and irresponsible. Next time use your brain and not your heart. Lay all cards on the table dear. Just because this can work for other people does mean it would work for you. Be wise