Hmmm.....
URGENT ADVICE NEEDED
My take home pay is 900k minus other benefits and my husband's company has been very successful. I don't want the story to be long, we used to work in the same IT company and he left to start his own company. Since my colleagues have been hearing of his success they started beefing me in the office.
The issue now is that my husband asked me to leave and he will be paying me about 1m per month. I had declined joining his company but I'm on the board. So he's saying I should just look after our children.
We went to see my dad and my husband brought it up. My dad declined to say anything until my husband left and he asked me if I've thought it through and that he wouldn't want to need money or anything from me and I would have to wait until my husband assents. That he didnt use so much money to train me for me to become a full house wife and be solely dependent on my husband.
My dad will never ask for anything, I know that but I remember how he struggled to put us through school. Mom died when we were in primary school, he declined to remarry and focused on us. I remember when I was rounding and he was made redundant at work. I just remember his struggles and honestly I'm torn between my husband and father.
It hasn't become an issue but I'm an overthinker and I'm wondering what if it becomes one? I totally get where my dad is coming from because we have a family trend where husbands will bring up this subject and these high flying career women will accept only to be turned to doormats and the promises will vanish. This happened to my aunties and most recently my cousins.
All men aren't the same and I would like to think I know my husband well enough and this won't happen to us. Lastly, I was raised to be a career woman and staying home has never crossed my mind. I just want to know what you people think. Thanks.
Career can wait since there is money....
why dont you face the kids for now? You can always get a Job later...
As for your hubby, tell him to pay you some months upfront....LOL
900k minus other benefits a month? Thats some good job!
Don't agree!!! You won't get another job easily like this one and human beings change when they know you are completely dependent on them. Don't quarrel with him but hold on to your job.
ReplyDelete💯 💯
DeleteSluttychic.
Poster, I am talking from experience, please don't ever quit your job unless it's to join him working in his company.
DeleteMy heart bleeds anytime my husband open his mouth to call me lazy woman, that is only food I know.
Dont quit your job. Your husband possibly means well but God forbid anything happens, you will resent him for the rest of your life. Keep your career and try balance things up with trusted assistance with your kids. Your husband himself can't predict how he would start to behave, if he's put under realtime financial pressure if you resign. People change and trust me, even the kids you want to leave the job for, might grow up to resent you IF they are subjected to the life your husband eventually provides for you all instead of the comfort and luxury intended. Also, there is absolutely nothing greater than being able to meet ones parents needs after their years of Labour. That respect your hubby has for you now, may consciously or unconsciously fizzle out. Keep your home, career and marriage with Love, you can table the matter before your partner. Nothing in life is engraved in stones. Ask God for directions too.
DeletePoster pls no gree oooo
DeletePromises Dey sweet but to keep am be Koko.
Listen to your dad oo, he’s talking out of experience.
Merryment
Supported!
Delete💯💯💯❗
Please don't leave your job. He is your husband, find a way of cajoling him and limit what you tell him about your issues at work. You may end up loosing the marriage you are protecting and your sanity if this doesn't work out.
DeleteGoing out and being productive has a lot of benefit, it is also good for your mental health.
I was home for almost 2years doing nothing, I get angry at every little things, I became FBI and get jealous that my husband is enjoying his life out there, even thou he pays me more than my salary monthly, by the time we decided for me to start working again, I couldn't find any. It got to a stage I said I will even start selling provisions or start pure water production even if I am not making any gain.
I could not even take care of myself again because I am always home and nobody was looking at me.
I have started working again and I won't advice any career woman to tow that line except people who choose it willingly.
Take from someone who has been in your shoes. Work side by side with him in the office. You can work 8 to 4 or 5. I work side by side with my hubby but different department in his company. I close 4pm and go home to the kids.
DeletePoster, you can take 15:62's advice and let us pray that a divorce doesn't happen that can separate you from his company or that the company does not run down
DeleteI'm with you on this
DeleteDo NOT quit your job even if he pays you 2million per month. You may choose to join his company but this isn't what he is offering so my recommendation will be to keep your job since you are not complaining about the work hours etc.
DeleteWhat your father is trying to tell you is to keep your source of income independent of your husband's. It is very important. He is a wise man who obviously loves his children and puts them 1st. If you want to put yourself 1st, don't quit! Continue to climb the ladder in your industry.
It has happened to your aunties and recently your cousins but you still want to try because your husband is different? If he is different, why would he marry you as a career woman and turn you into a house wife instead of encouraging and supporting you to keep growing at work?
As his company grows and goes international, would he prefer to introduce you to his business contacts at dinners and cocktail parties as a CTO of an IT firm or a housewife? You will be dismissed as an "ordinary housewife" and be asked "any kids?", "How many?", "Oh!, that's nice" instead of being engaged in intellectually stimulating discussions. When others introduce their wives as head of XYZ charity and ABC companies, he may decide he needs a career woman that fits in his new circle.
The only person that is different is your father because a typical Nigerian man would have asked you to listen to your husband but your father is obviously enlightened and wants you to be successful on your own terms and not live under the shadow of a man's success. Please don't do it.
It’s your family empire you are building
DeleteRather than become a stay at home mum, why don’t you work with him as a partner after all it’s for the benefit of your home plus your office environment is becoming toxic… don’t wait for them to poison you.
Also you work in IT there would forever be jobs available for you.
When working with him, reduce your working hours cus your children actually need you, we see kids go through things and ask where their parents were. Forget what anyone says, they are in the critical years of their lives, this is the age you build what you want to see in their future, instill empathy and kindness at this stage, follow up with school work and religion for whatever you raise them by will be very difficult to depart from them
Push up (original)
POSTER DO NOT TAKE STELLA’S ADVICE OH! Please I beg you do not give up your job. A job especially for a woman is much more then money. God abeg. No matter how good a person you are, when under financial pressure we know how it can be. Losing one income source could introduce avoidable pressure into your relationship. Your colleagues need are temporary. If it bothers you, work in influencing them. Read books about influence, power and politics and play their game and make your office conducive for you. That is not a reason for your to resign please. It is not their fathers company that they will pursue you away. My sister I beg you. Your dad didn’t sacrifice so much for you to give up your dreams. Use your feminine power to influence your husband. Don’t fight about this with him. It need not be a course of friction but with love and persuasion my sister pleas do not sacrifice your career on the altar of marriage. Women are balancing them and doing great things and thriving. Get a female mentor if you need, but Please the future is bright. I’m rooting for you.
DeleteMadam, please do not become a house wife. Do not become dependent on your husband. Either you joined him fully in his company as the Vice or stick to your job
DeleteAvoid your jealous colleagues and be more prayerful. Never become a house wife. It won't end well....
Anon 18:55 and 19:42 you both spoke my mind. Poster please listen to them and to your dad. There's a whole lot more to building a career than just earning a monthly salary. You can't really get that by staying home and being paid an equivalent. All the best.
DeleteAnon 18:55 and 19:42 you both spoke my mind. Poster please listen to them and to your dad. There's a whole lot more to building a career than just earning a monthly salary. You can't really get that by staying home and being paid an equivalent. All the best.
Delete100% dependence is slavery.issues happens in marriage and people change based on d circumstances moreso, how is in laws influence on his decision making? If none then u are lucky. If u do, make sure yu build a separate career pathway for you while u are doing family 1 while building his. Women can multi task well and you'd b fine. But know d same energyand challenges also applies with yours too so tie your belt and think with your head than in ur heart.
DeleteYou know what suits you best.
DeleteAlso, you can come to a middle ground if you get a remote job since you're an IT person. That way, you are working and also get to spend more time with the kids.
I wouldn't advice that you join him except as a partner(like a written partnership).
Better listen to your father here. Don't give your husband too much power over you.
ReplyDeleteMy dear don’t quit ooo . He won’t pay you . All lies. When that time comes stories sets in infact he won’t even do as if he made the promise. You will wait for alert end of month tire e no go come. I have been there. Men and lies. I quickly went back to my job after two months of that rubbish. I just gave an emergency for few months and let them know I will return. Listen if you are good on your job they will take you back.Dont tender any resignation oooo. Liar liar men.
DeleteNever quit a job without starting another better option. The troubles at your office will be nothing to be compare with the troubles you will encounter working with your husband.
DeleteYour husband probably ask you to quit because you share your troubles at work with him(maybe)
Quit job keh? Don't try it Lai lai
DeletePlease don’t quit your job. Your daddy is a man, he is telling you a lot of things from this little he is saying. All men are the same and all women are the same. Just slight differences here and there. Am almost in your shoes. You will always have to understand coz it is a family business and that’s the beginning of being broke!!!
ReplyDelete100% you captured it well. That your Dad didn't say a thing while you were there speaks volumes.
DeleteGive your husband conditions and meet half way. Have a document to sign to that effect incase he reneged on the agreement.
Tell your husband you are not raised to sit at home but he should put it in writing. You don't know tomorrow.
Please don’t quit your job. Your daddy is a man, he is telling you a lot of things from this little he is saying. All men are the same and all women are the same. Just slight differences here and there. Am almost in your shoes. You will always have to understand coz it is a family business and that’s the beginning of being broke!!!
ReplyDeleteIt’s the way you think you know your husband and your cousins and aunties didn’t know theirs. Lol. People change, promises are easy to make, inflation, unending projects
DeletePoster promise like this never end up well between the man and his wife, let your husband pay you for six months as upfront before you can resign and fix your home properly . You can also continue in future once your kids are all grown.
ReplyDeleteYou mustn't be a full house wife, you can have an online business which you can be earning from plus your from your hubby.
But come to think of it is your home suffering especially your children,
Your husband said you should stay home and take care of your children, if your children are suffering cos you are a career woman please resign and face your family.
Poster na you wear shoe and na you know where e dey pinch you. From my own perspective, as a career woman, I dont like depending on anybody for money and I value my self respect, by the time you bexome full blown housewife, see finish may enter o. The fact that you do go out everyday is good for your mental health and now you want to vome and stay at home and start thinking and already you said you over think. Before you know it you may start resenting your husband later on
ReplyDeleteIt depends on how old your kids are.If your oldest is below 5,i would advice you do what your husband says but only till your oldest goes into high school.
ReplyDeletePoster,You said you were raised to be a career woman and you've been doing that wonderfully.
ReplyDeleteIf you ever compromise and become a full time house wife,You might become unhappy and fall into depression because that's not your calling.
Listen to your Father and stick to what you know best,Your children and hubby will be fine as they have always been.
How well do you know your husband? If you are sure he will not change, then you should join him. I know someone who resigned from her job to join her husband to build up their company and they are doing so well. Good afternoon
ReplyDeleteNo matter how tempting your husband's offer is, never, I repeat, never take it. The trend you talked about is not only in your family, that's generally what most of these men do. That was how my husband lured me out of my promising career with promises he never fulfilled till today. I know where I would have been career wise today. Your dad is right, work and have your own money, after all, his own is just a 100k higher than your pay. Don't let emotions cloud your judgment, be wise.
ReplyDeleteForget your husband abc father for a second. What do you want? Do you want to be a stay at home mother. Do you want to continue your career. Career can’t always wait. You don’t get to easily jump back in especially in the IT field
ReplyDeleteCan your husband set you up with a business now. Also what’s the need to stay home now. Are the kids very young and you are unable to find helpers. What’s the background story.
Please don't quit your job. You can juggle it with raising your children. After some time your husband will not keep to his promise of paying you every month. Depending on your husband for everything will not be funny. Follow your dad's advice.
ReplyDeletePlease DON'T QUIT your job. Men are not to be fully trusted, don't put yourself at risk. Keep your job please
ReplyDeleteMen often disrespect their women who solely depend on them.i hope he doesn't start acting up after some time
ReplyDeleteDear Poster,
ReplyDeleteIs your career more important than your kids? Since your husband has promised to be paying 1m monthly, why not give it a try and if he fail to oblige you can get a job.
IT Jobs are somehow easy to get with good pays if you really know your onions.
Goodluck.
Na só job just easy to get?
DeleteThe children will grow and move on with their lives. The only person sacrificing here is the poster. The man will still get to go out and meet people and be treated with respect while the woman sits at home caring for kids. Na scam! That same man will not cheat with a housewife but a working class lady on stilettos.
DeleteDon’t resign oh. I work with husband and wife and the thing is somehow, started well but now wife doesn’t know her place n husband is always torn between pleasing wife n doing right with his company hence the place has become toxic and business is now slow cos of Naija issues they are now taking it out on staff cos they are worried about the future. Please manage where u are make respect dey on all fronts and help him/ come in when u can
ReplyDeletePoster.
ReplyDeleteDo NOT accept to become a housewife and please do not go and work in his company.
Stay where you are or try to get another job if that office don tire you.
It’s not really a wise decision risk wise, to work in the same place with your hubby. We don’t pray for evil but what if the business is slow?
For this same reason, not even for the idea that your dad might need it, it’s also not wise to be a housewife.
As for career, it’s not easy to get back into a thriving career and continue like you never stopped after leaving it for a while. I’m talking from experience. All situations aren’t the same but it’s generally not easy.
Finally, if your family has a pattern of career women stepping down and later regretting it, you should look into reversing and breaking the pattern, with targeted fasting and prayers because it’s very clear that it is now your turn and that you’d end up regretting it.
This is the way evil altars work, regardless of a person’s wealth /exposure/skills, when the chickens come to roost, an altar will speak up, and keep speaking no matter how many generations pass, for as long as the altar still stands.
It is a spiritual law.
If you’re à christian, or even if you’re not and wish to tackle this situation from the real root, please listen to this message, The mystery of altars, by Apostle Joshua Selman and pray the prayer points at the end. It’s on YouTube.
May God direct you.
Stella, please post, it’s really not an advert for church, I’ve been in similar shoes and that message was an eye opener for me.
Danke.🙏🏾
This is so true. Evil cycle is real mennn
DeleteI won’t advice you to leave your job tbh. The only person I can trust to keep his word is God.Some men aren’t loyal. Though your husband may be different who knows.But what if for some reason his work starts to dwindle. Which happens in most businesses. You will become angry and agitated that he can’t meet up with payment and you start regretting why you left your job
ReplyDeleteMy advice. Lie low at your workplace. Keep few friends and don’t flaunt your wealth. Find ways of being more involved with the children than you have been before. If you really want to leave then give yourself a year and SAVE massively. The world is in recession oh. This is not the time to give up that kinda job. Tomorrow is so unpredictable
Zendaya
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, God alone knows tomorrow. Please seek the Lord's guidance and I mean endeavour to know God's mind about this situation. God speaks to the man who wants to hear. Whatever your religious orientation or inclination, there is something called the will of God for you in every situation and circumstance. May the Lord shine His light on your path and show you the right way to go. Psalm 119 verse 105.
ReplyDeletePlease don't quit your job. At least not yet. Even if you trust your husband,do you trust the advice of his friends and family members when they know he is your employer? These are the people who make or mar a good man. A typical Nigerian family member will tell their brother and son that he is wasting money paying his wife when he can put that same money into better use elsewhere,especially for their own benefit. So many husbands started this journey honourably but friends and family derailed the train.
ReplyDeleteThe average easily pushed around by wrong advice Nigerian man
DeleteDon't quit your job so you don't loose your dignity in where your husband is anytime.
ReplyDeleteDivinely
Don't do it poster. You will regret it. Follow your daddy's advice. Let your husband continue with his work while you too continue with your work
ReplyDeleteDon't tie every thing to one tree, he is husband, lover, father to your kids, boss and the list goes on, but you get what I am trying to say?
ReplyDeleteListen to daddy dearest and don't quit your job for any reason
You people prioritizing money over taking proper care of and spending quality time with your kids when at least one of the couple is financially capable of taking good care of the family is something I will never understand.A lot of you still don’t understand what it means to actually take care of a child.
ReplyDeleteKeeping your job prioritizes your kids
DeleteOr you think if he throws her out, her kids won’t suffer
Abegi! Children will grow and move on with their own lives. Even if the poster is having nanny issues, with the salary they make, she should keep searching until she gets the right fit for her family.
DeletePS: prioritizing her independence is not prioritizing money but you obviously don't know that.
If your husband wants to pay you more than what you earn every month so you can take care of your kids what’s the harm in that?i don’t understand y’all Abi what’s are you people saying sef.shel be paid and still have her time to herself and you’re still telling her not to leave the job.
Delete19:57 what’s the harm
DeleteThe harm is even employers can’t guarantee your pay. What happens if his business fails? If he does? If he changes his mind.
Also what about her. She’s not working just for money. Not every woman or man wants to be stay at home parent.
Please pray about it deeply, since there are prescedence you can refer to in your linage. This sounds like affliction arising another time. Believe me you, he will recend and you will be filled with regrets. Not because he wanted to, but because the forces that made the other women in your family redundant it at fowl again in your life. Please pray very hard and ask the holyspirit for guidance. Shalom.
ReplyDeletePlease ignore anyone who tells you to join any church wantin wantin wantin.
ReplyDeleteSome things are BASIC COMMON SENSE.
What is it that YOU gan gan want.
YOU, YES YOU.
Women are FOREVER HAVING TO STEP DOWN THEIR DESIRES AND ABORT THEIR DREAMS FOR OTHERS, what do YOU want?
Once you know what YOU WANT, go for it.
Any man that will tell you to cut shut your career, does not mean well for you.
The women who raise children and a career women do not have 2 heads.
If your children have started school, what will you be doing between the hours of 8am-2pm.?
Trust me, if you are not building yourself within those hours, you are building someone else. There are no 2 ways about it.
××××Never leave a comfortable job and go and work with your spouse in the same place. It is the beginning of the end.
You have said it all!
Deletewhere were you to advice me when I was in this situation.
Poster, this was my story, my husband convinced me to quit my job and agreed to pay 3 times my salary. He was full of my praises when I agreed and assured me this was for the better.
My husband was a wonderful, sweet, patient and kind man. I could beat my chest and say he would never change.
My dear, by the second year, it decreased to double, by the 3rd year it decreased again.
By year 5 salary stopped completely.
by year 6 I was called a lazy woman, by year 7 Husband said I was irritating him and I would have to beg for money for basic amenities. I will fast and pray for 3 days before asking for money for simple things like tampons, not to talk of to do my hair or update my clothes. My husband has lost respect for me totally, I'm like his maid. He now even carries girls in my presence, this was a man that used to almost worship the ground I walk on.
This is year 9 and I have desperately been looking for a job for 2 years.
Poster, do yourself a favour and don't think of quitting your job.
I would do anything to go back to 9 years ago to say a big fat No. I was earning 700,000 back then, just imagine what I would have been making almost 10 years later.
it was the biggest mistake of my life, a word is enough for the wise.
17:36 Awww, I wish I was there to advice you then.
DeleteBut sometimes even the best advice is not taken, and we have to learn through bitter lessons.
Dust yourself off luv, brush up your LinkedIn, join online groups, check online job boards, reach out to people respectfully to let you know if there are any opportunities available, and if you have tech skills, even better.
I mentioned tech because it is very very wide, there is something for everyone!
Everyday I read testimonies of people landing new jobs, some have spent even longer than you at home.
Your own case will not be different .
Sincerely rooting for you.🤗
17:36, that man never loved you, he was pretending. He cheats on you and treats you like a maid? He was a devil all along. So you are still there crying and suffering all because of Mrs? Don't you have family?
DeleteSo you are thee searching for a job for two years without success and you are still there? Do you know if a change of environment is all you need for you to get a job? You remain in that bondage and expect to get a job? You don't even know if he is the one responsible for you not getting a job. Why are our women like this? What are you teaching your girls?
I am not working, my husband takes care all home expenses and he is not complaining or misbehaving. This is my 10th year as full housewife, I quit my job due to my childbirth issues back then. I can never be i that your situation,Lai Lai! Whe. I have caring brothers and mum?
Anon 22:35 please show some empathy. Isn't it clear 17:36 already knows her decision was bad and regrets it? Your gloating that you're in a good situation while hers is bad does nothing to help her neither does it make you're better so it is totally unnecessary. Please let's learn to be charitable and have empathy. You can advise without rubbing salt on another's injury.
DeleteA lot of parents have been getting it wrong and will continue to about the right time to spend good time with your kids.A lot of you folks fail to realize that the best time with kids is when they are indeed kids,before they start going to high school,before they start having friends,girlfriends/boyfriends ,before they start getting addicted to their phones/social media or video games but the irony is that,it is this same time that you lot prefer to leave them with some nanny to go to work then begin to complain about them not having time for you when they grow older and no longer need your attention.so my point is,make sure you’re financially stable before you have kids so that when they come,you’re able to spend a lot of time with them without it affecting your finances.
ReplyDeleteI dont understand this.
DeleteThe children go to school and are back by 3,4 pm lunch and nap etc.
Let's assume it's a Abuja where you can get home within an hour.
So which time is it that she is denying the child.
Will the child and the mother' nose be pressed together 24 hours.
You people should be realistic.
Was your mother following you fir nyansh in your teenage years?
How did that turn out???
In these days of hybrid work/remote positions, I'm even surprised this is a problem for the poster and she's even in tech.
This narrative is heavily flawed.
Delete🤐
DeletePoints made. But this can be achieved by life-work-social activities balance. Giving time for what is important and urgent in all spheres.
Delete2 parents available?
DeleteThen it is a 2 parents UPBRINGING
Please don’t leave your job as long as you’ve been meeting your responsibilities as a wife and mother. Anything can happen o especially in this our country. Don’t leave your job!
ReplyDeleteThere are women who earn less than 100k and they are able to combine it with raising there kids. Except there is a clear indication that your undivided attention is needed in your home (as per taking care of your kids), then it is up to you to make that decision if there's no other option. I would also love to say that men should also be inclusive in raising their kids. It is not limited to women alone.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, if you are just considering accepting your husband's offer just because you want appear as a submissive and obedient wife, please do not quit from your job yet. With your qualification, get a remote job that pays well which you can do while staying home and make sure you still get paid by your husband. Do not accept to be completely jobless so you don't end up with nothing if promises are not kept.
Hmmm... If I were in your shoe, I will mind the business that pays me as long as my kids are also being well taken care of.
ReplyDeleteDon’t just be a complete house wife like that. Cos one dat he might use it nd tell u word, u can open up a biz nd be doing by dat u won’t just be at home.
ReplyDeletePoster listen to me, are u passionate abt this job u are doing, are u happy doing it, are u financially secured there. If yes pls do not quit. Remain where u are, ur husband will come around later, this is ur happiness/future we are talking abt, dnt let anyone take it away from u. U will regret it
ReplyDeleteFrom what you have said, I expect you to have enough savings. Buy lands lots of it and build block of 6 flats on two and rent it out. While you are on it, start applying for remote jobs or another job to secure your life cos its threatened in that office. People can go to any length to ruin you in this country once they are jealous. You can get jobs in the US that pays way more than you currently earn and you get to work right from the comfort of your home. You can also start a dropshipping biz and hire a PA to handle that.
ReplyDeleteFor a woman, career is beyond the money you earn, it is not just the financial independence, it also involves you going out, socializing and building up your perception about life. You don’t just get all of that by being a full time housewife with money in the bank.
ReplyDeleteLeaving your job ? NO !
ReplyDeleteDont ever trust any Man. Even your husband can fail you. I have seen this type of case, it only ended with Regret and "Had I known" . Listen to your father. Dont allow that pattern to continue with you pls.
She has seen types of cases from her own family sef, aunties, cousins etc
DeleteDoes she think her own husband will be different? Humour me please
Listen to your father o
Poster, I don't advice you work in the same place as your husband, see finish will enter and some days, business may be slow. As for resigning and being a full time house wife, it's really up to you. I your kids are still tender, you can.
ReplyDeleteEverybody be focusing on advise, my own is, what a job! Omo!
ReplyDeletePls, don't leave ur job before see finish will enter
ReplyDeleteWhat if the company fails, where else will he get support from? That's a whole family stranded!
ReplyDeleteI don't support resigning your work for him to pay you. He might do that for few months and issues will now set in.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if u will see this poster bt I will advice against stopping your job.i work with a govt agency bt do hv a lot of time.hubby has a Thriving business and wants me to head a department without stopping work since I can actually do both easily.its not like am been paid o,but I just see it as a support since its family.we had an issue in the house and he said he will soon stop me from heading that department. I got angry and stopped. Just imagine if I stopped my job I would have started from scratch again.A word they say is enough for the wise.if u most stop working make sure u have your own personal business and then work partime in his own .
ReplyDeleteNigerian men and see finish
DeleteTufiakwa
DO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB!
ReplyDeleteDO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB!!
DO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB !!!
Even if your husband is the angel standing at the right hand side of God, don't quit your job. The IT industry is too fast paced and competitive to play such expensive moves.
Your husband is a man, human being and, is subject to temptations and changes. He may have the best intentions and excited about his success for now, he is yet to have the kind of wealth that will test his character.
Keep your income, keep your mystery. Nigerian men especially are not that sophisticated to appreciate the sacrifices of a SAHM. Money is still the superior currency in their relations and thought process. The access money gives them in a materialistic society like Nigeria gives them automatic power and influence if well hyped, and only the genuine fear of God or innate discipline and empathy can keep them level headed.
Your father has said much in little words. Don't get carried away. Ignore colleagues who are envious of you, people will always beef in a working environment, shut your mouth on your family progress and face your work. Try to manage the micro aggressions except it severely affects your mental health.
The Nigerian legal structure has no leash on men who disrupt their wives/family lives . That business he is building, he will meet lots of women too, married and with children pulling power moves while you sit at home at his whims. They will be women he will be admiring forgetting you were once at that spot. Don't be at the Mercy of a man. Outsource your home duties since you are very comfortable so your time at home will be exclusively for your husband and kids.
If sickness, death or some unexpected life surprises pop up, you need to be in a place to cushion it so you don't crash totally and that is your economic power.
Always regard money as a spirit, you can only spread/invest and save, diversify it so you extend it's time. That it is in your house today, is no guarantee that it will be there tomorrow. Having multiple streams of income is also an investment/ diversification of income.
If a man tells me to quit my job in an impulsive manner like this with only a promise of payment of my salary, it's an automatic red flag for me... A hint of a downward spiral, as my services, contribution to society and probably self fulfillment,means of interaction has been given a price. It's condescending and smacks of covert arrogance but Nigerian women easily get carried away sha.
If there are no structures on ground with heavily signed legal documents to back it up to start over or above my current level, don't crack open that mouth and tell me to quit my job.
Read proverbs 23:5
Jeremiah 17:5a
You nailed it
DeleteOn point
DeletePoster seeing that you love your job and you are a career woman, plus this job pays well please don't leave your job.
ReplyDeleteExcept your employers are making the job difficult for you or they sacked you.
Discuss with your husband and make him see reasons with you..
Install cctv camera at every nook and cranny of your home, employ nannies to look after your kids while you are at work and even weekends. Omo you get money o, spend it well.
Don't let see finish enter because it must surely happen,,
ReplyDeleteDon't quit your job and stop telling him what's happening in your office and keep minding the business that pays you..
Poster, please don't quit your job. I was in same shoes with you few years ago. I was almost depressed before God came through for me with this laundry business of mine.
ReplyDeleteI remember vividly how my father pleaded and advised me not to quit but I didn't listen. A word is enough for the wise.
I dey tell you. To get another job after staying away for years and advanced in age, you go hear ween!
DeleteIf the workplace is becoming toxic for you,I think you should source for another where they don't know your history. Please don't quit your job for now until you get another.
ReplyDeleteWell said.
DeleteWhy do some men just want to be
ReplyDeleteunnecessarily difficult, DON'T QUIT YOUR JOB, if your office is giving you hard time,seek another job first before you leave them. He can bring that money he wants to pay you and fill your house with helps,cook,nanny,driver,etc. I wish you the best.
MY DEAR DONT QUIT OOO!
ReplyDeleteMy elder sis did the same cos her husband was in an oil company and there was money everywhere. Tje monthly salary he promised became irregular. My sis that was a big girl in a multinational company became a ghost of her former self. We had to gather funds to help her with her online biz (turkey office wears) and also make moimoi for special orders. This man dealt with her ehn! She managed to roof her abandoned building and rented out without his knowledge. At least she can buy her pant and bra herself now. Men ehn!
Thank God for your sister's life today. Some women never recover. Even if the man does not renege in his promises, no one knows tomorrow, his business may encounter problems and income may not flow well again. These things happen every day.
DeletePoster pls don't quit your job. You should sit down and think of ways to improve the situation at home with your kids. It is not easy to get back into the system after quiting. I am still licking my wounds after doing what you were about to do years back..
ReplyDeleteI wish you the best as you think about it.
Pls don't leave your job. I have come to realize that in recent marriages, your own na ur own, your husband own na him own.
ReplyDeleteAbeg loud it 📢
DeletePls poster don't quit your job. I quit my job to focus on family years ago, what happened after a few years? Things turned, financial problems set in. I went out in search of another job, none was forthcoming. I had to go look for a meagre paying teaching job.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmm pls maintain your job,your hubby will keep to his promise for a while and eventually give up.train your kids and retain your job nothing like when kids grow I will start all over again.
ReplyDeleteLet me also join the host of people that are saying DON'T QUIT YOUR JOB!!! In my own case it didn't get to the level of of quitting my job o. Something happened and so I couldn't have access to money. I had to therefore depend on my husband for money temporarily. My husband had to be helping me get things I need. Even upto pad, I will call my husband. He was initially forming supportive. I was so excited about how he was my backbone. But my support was short-lived. At a point he got cranky. If I call him to buy something he will be vexing and be asking me if the thing is necessary. He will be interrogating me before he buys it. He will even be visibly angry. It was like I was beginning to irritate him. He will be talking to me anyhow. Once I had access to money again, I swore never to allow myself be in a position to depend on any man. Omo see as my value and respect increased in front of my husband. My husband says I'm proud when it comes to money, ehn I agree. If that's what will preserve my self respect. DO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB!!!
ReplyDeleteHe should dey his dey
DeleteNigerian men that see finish na their default setting due to toxic masculinity and poor self-esteem
Do not quit...Find a balance
ReplyDeletePLEASE DONT LEAVE YOUR JOB!!!
ReplyDeleteMadam poster,you see this trap do not fall for it!! I did and it didn't end well.if d beef u at d office,beef them back! DO NOT LEAVE YOUR JOB.DO NOT WORK FOR YOUR HUSBAND.IF YOU ARE WIRED AND TRAINED FOR CAREER,U CANT FIT INTI BEING A FULL TIME HOUSE WIFE.TRY IT,U WILL BE FUSTRATED AND U WILL TURN INTO A NAG!! EVERY FAMILY HAS A PATTERN,IF IT HAD HAPPENED TO D WOMEN BEFORE YOU,UR CASE FIT NO DEY DIFFERENT.Pls save your marriage,home and career.Do not quit ur job!
DeleteI won't suggest leaving your tech job. That industry moves fast and you will be obsolete by the time you want to return
ReplyDeleteDear poster, resist the urge to submit to your hubby in this matter! Do not quit your job. Don't put your family finance in one basket. Don't expose your marriage to see-finish. You can always support your hubby's business in your spare time.
ReplyDeletePoster do you know men? Lmaaooo I repeat do you know men?
ReplyDeletePlease don’t listen to Stella, she’s In a clime that’s easy for women to go back to work or not be totally dependent on men , however Nigeria is different! Those safety nets don’t exist !
Listen to your dad oo, listen to your dad ! They say what the elders see sitting down , the young ones standing on their toes won’t see .
Your husband and even his family will try manipulating you to cave in but please don’t give in ! Don’t !
Children thrive too when they see their mothers excelling in their personal careers, it motivates them to do same . And you can equally be a good mother and a badass career woman, those two doesn’t have to be mutually exclusive.
In any case since your husband is the one with flexible working hours as per his own boss, he can equally devote more time to looking after his kids, nothing absolutely nothing prevents him from being more present as a father , he’s even better placed now .
Poster you’ve seen all the comments here , I’m holding my ears, we take God beg you , don’t quit your job to stay home oo, herh you will regret this for the rest of your life and even after death, I promise you .
Lady MorgiannE
Thank you o..as per CEO, he has more flexible hours and there's no harm if he spends more time with the kids before she returns from work.
DeleteWorking alongside your husband in his company takes a special kind of grace.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, I will advise you to accept the offer of your husband but give him a condition to allow you start up a business like having a supermarket or shop where you can sell things,this will mean having time for your family and also doing something meaningful so that you won't be idle.Thanks.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I de tire for Stella advise, everything Stella said pls do the opposite.
ReplyDeleteFrom a male professional.
ReplyDeleteDont quit your job. Not because men are this or men are that as some comments say. Do not think that aspect and sow seeds of discord in your marital heart where there is no cause for it.
Do not quit working because it is the right thing to do considering your life story.. Use your best efforts to convince your husband. If it involves stop telling him about the aggros at your work place, please do. If it involves seeking and getting another job to escape the work place jealosy, please do.
Practical and easy to test reasons why you should not quit -
1. You may need to assist your father no matter how rich he is. When people get older, they become more dependent. You and your father cannot depend on your husband. Expectedly by that time, the financial needs of your children would have increased too (I guess your children are still teenagers or pre-tenagers).
2. So long as your husband is in legitimate business, and you are in Nigeria today, private business is very unpredictable. I remember how a change in government sank several companies in Nigeria, including Plcs. If anything happens to your husband's business, it can sink your family. Every family in Nigeria today needs another source of income as buffer. If you are outside Nigeria, please ignore this point.
3. With the salary figures quoted, you both are already used to some level of soft life. Let well alone while looking up. It will be a stressor for you to live down when your husband defaults even for good reason like using company fund for long term profit expansion.
You know your husband better. Use your wits and your extra extra to convince him to keep your job. Again, not because men always want to keep wives down, but because you need to for him first, your children, yourself and your father. Present your case in a way that favours your husband and family than you. That is a way of winning in family matters. And be willing to make some necessary changes to achieve keeping your career.
Best wishes.
Mr. Mann
Nice one
DeleteMr Mann
Pls don't leave your job. Your father has said it all.
ReplyDeletePoster how can you even be considering quitting a mouth watering job like this? When you know change is a constant thing anybody can change at anytime . Stick to your job oo
ReplyDeletePlease don't agree especially in this economy. You don't know what can happen tomorrow. And he would not give you that amount of money every month. I'm talking from experience. I left my job to relocate to my husband's base. He promised to be paying me. I haven't seen anything. Moreover, I haven't been able to get another job since then. Please think it through
ReplyDeleteLeaving that job to be a sahm, will be the BIGGEST mistake you make.
ReplyDeleteHighest, he will pay you 6 months complete, by the 7th month, 1 excuse or the other will come to play. Unfortunately, you will not believe, it is only experience that can teach you.
Dear poster.... Please, do not leave your job .... Kids will grow and move on with their lives
ReplyDelete..... If you sacrifice everything....you might end up being a toxic mother in-law... While giving your kids the best... Don't forget to give yourself the best........
Please find a God fearing Naany and pay her very very well so you can have rest of mind.....
ReplyDeleteHmm. I'm not married yet, and just a teacher for now. But I know where I'm heading to with my teaching profession.
ReplyDeleteI don't pray any man ever asks me to stop working no matter how much he offers to pay me monthly. I LOVE my job, I LOVE THAT I AM USEFUL to the society, I LOVE THAT I AM PRODUCTIVE, I LOVE THAT I AM IMPACTING LIVES
You are not just a teacher
DeleteYou are doing a great job and part of a noble profession
Shaping the future!
Hello dear, I really do not think quitting your job is the best. First anything can happen to a private business (not saying it will happen) but what if? Nigeria is a really crazy place o. things can happen unexpectedly.
ReplyDeleteSecond there are absolutely no guarantees that your husband will continue to pay you. He may do so at first but later on he may feel well that you are his wife and he doesn't need to pay you after all, gradually the money will go down until it stops. It won't continue. Remember your parents, it is your responsibility to also take care of them. Will your husband provide for them when you need him to? You may not get a job so good again. The IT world is fast paced. Will you fit in by the time you want to return.
You can ask your company to reduce your work hours, even if they will reduce your salary, or find out of you can hire a personal assistant that you can rely on to handle some of your duties. Please find a way to create balance just don't quit. The only person that makes promises and keeps to them forever is Jehovah. I hope you make the best decision
Quit and suffer. I made this decision and regret till I revamped my life. Men are terrible period!
ReplyDeleteHold your job with both hands. Don't resign my dear. As per those envious colleagues. Just relate with them with wisdom. Nothing brings envy like success.
ReplyDeleteTurn the colleagues to prayer points
DeleteYou people are saying business can crumble, men can do this, do that, that one is even long thing.
ReplyDeleteThis money that you feel is so much, do dialysis for 6 months and come and tell me how far.
Do you know how much oxygen costs for a day? Now multiple that by 6 months.
I saw somebody's hospital bill for over 8 days, almost 400k, that was just a week for malaria/typhoid etc on admission in a private hospital
Now imagine someone on admission for months on a life threatening case.
Have you heard of houses burning to the ground mysteriously?
This money that looks like an ocean to you can dry up in the blink of an eye.
The kind of curveballs life throws, nobody is prepared for.
We do not pray for such even for our enemy.
But while we are praying, let us use our common sense.
This is the 21st century and times have changed.
For you to be earning over a million including benefits, you should be senior level.
By now, you should have a fair idea of what you want to do with your life/career.
Questions about home care should be discussed and agreed upon well BEFORE having children, that way both parties can plan well head.
On a final note, you are a woman before a wife, before a mother.
The person who says you must kill off your personal aspirations because of other roles you choose to take within or outside the home is a bas.tar.d.
You do yourself, the people who have nurtured you and the people who could have been affected positively by your impact a great disservice, when you do not maximize your full potentials.
My dear sister, please don’t quit your job. Your husband sounds like a good man with good intentions and I sincerely hope that this keep getting better for your family. However, I know the strain that money can put on a marriage and family. Business is not predictable, there will be ups and downs. Please don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Don’t quit your job.
ReplyDeleteTalking from experience it's not a great idea to become a full time house wife, If you are to work you will have to balance family and work.
ReplyDeleteSecondly there is nothing wrong with working with your husband to build your family business but you have to request every benefits and salary agreement be put in writing so as to prevent any argument in the near future.
And on the brighter side you get to work, get paid and care for the kids as you get to close early.
Get a job elsewhere if you don't want to work with your husband. Dont leave your current job before getting another.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it should be so hard to get another job with your skills and experience.
I would never advise any woman to quit her job regardless of how rich or kind her husband is. Businesses fail, humans are imperfect. Yul Edochie recently publicly disgraced his wife of 17 years for another woman. Do you know the uphill financial battle she's going to be facing?
ReplyDeleteThat there are so many examples of women regretting quitting their jobs for their families is a huge tell. Nigeria laws don't favour women in general not to talk of SAHM mums. Even in the developed countries, not all SAHM get the benefits you think they get. Read forums like Reddit and Quora, you'll be shocked that women don't always get adequate child support and alimony during a divorce as popularly thought. Some rich or comfortable husbands get good lawyers to make sure their ex wives get little or nothing and the SAHMs have little or no money to pay a good lawyer to get the financial support they need.
Don't be deceived
Take ur father's advise
ReplyDeleteIt’s really simple dear. The question you should ask yourself is do you like having your own money or not????????
ReplyDeleteDo not quit your job
ReplyDeletePLEASE DO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB. It is quite difficult to get a job that pays so well with good benefit. we are in Nigeria and not abroad biko.
ReplyDelete