I ran into a conversation that was quite Interesting some days back......
There was a write up where the guy said he broke up with his girlfriend because she sat down while his mum swept the living room where she was seated. She sat down and did not make any move to help and when the woman got to where she sat, she raised up her legs for her to sweep pass and when the woman was done sweeping, she walked out her son's girlfriend and the son was in support of what the mum did...
My question is must the girlfriend sweep? And why did the woman begin to sweep to test her? I know how many times i also raised leg for my mum in law when she was vacuuming, it was not a big deal at all.... I have eaten many times and had my father in law pack away the dishes i used while i sat down and sipped champagne... note that this family is middle class...... (Someone said i should not compare whites to African matters so let me remove my self from this talk)
Are there Ladies here who have had their engagements and relationships called off because they did not sweep their in laws house or help cook? or clear away the dishes? or make the beds?
Is there any wife here who must do all these any time she visits her mother in law otherwise all hell will break loose?
Once you fall into that pattern of always taking broom or always helping clear dishes, they stereo type you into that role and it becomes a problem to stop....
What did the lady who raised up her legs do wrong?
Lets gist!
Treat your mom in law the way you want your mother to be treated by your brothers wife
ReplyDeleteYou are right on this
DeleteAfter our trad, we went to hubbys village.
DeleteHis siblings and one wife was around too.
Omo, i no even get energy to do anythingl.lol.
when i came out to greet people, it was around time for breakfast. Thats how they asked me to help the house girl and prepare food.
Haa. I almost escaped oh.
I was wasting time and just moving all around the house 😂😂😂😂😂.
Its better they know i dont have energy to work and tailor their expectations than to see me like a jackie.
That's just it.
DeleteGod bless you
DeleteAnon 15:01 Tualeee ooooo . Then in your house you end up pretending and d man ends up thinking you changed no oooo be yourself you will be abused. If you throw a party hire enough help for it, don’t be abusing other women’s daughters counting them for your manual labor party nobody knows any bodies strength or even what dia going through
DeleteMy dear treat ur MIL like ur MIL. That means with respect. The truth is she is not ur mother. U may treat her that way but she may not treat u like her daughter. When I realized this was when I had peace.
DeleteYou are so right. These our Nogerians will want someone elses daughter to become like a daughter but they will not treat her like their daughter and they will hold tight to their own daughter while trying to wrestle you from your family.
DeleteShe should have collected the broom from her mum in law to be. It won't take anything from her. It's what I can do when I visit any older person not to talk of my husband to be mother. She didnt do well.
ReplyDeleteOnce my mum has started sweeping herself,,nobody can collect it from her.
DeleteIt's better you pick it up ursef
Pinky, that is true for some mothers. But traditionally, the younger person (male or female) is expected to make a move to take on the chore.
DeleteWas the girl the intended spouse though? Did he bring her home to be tested to see if she was worthy? I don't understand why we can't accept people as they are and discuss our expectations early. It saves time and pain. So, if he visits her family and the father asks for 1m Naira to check something, will he oblige, considering a husband should provide?🤔
DeleteAnon God bless u. If her father asks for money in his presence will he oblige? Nigerian men always looking for pretenders. I beg the woman dodged a bullet. What a troublesome mother in law coming to sweep with a guest there.
DeleteI dont think it's about who's right or who's wrong... It should be about doing the right thing in an African home.
ReplyDeletePersonally, overstaying my welcome in a family house that's not my family I grew up with is not my thing. I mean atleast a weekend is enough after that biko take me back home. While I'm there, as per the way I was brought up, when an elderly is present the kids do the chores. If there's any cooking going on even tho I'm not the one cooking, I can assist in chopping whatever or cleaning up after. I sha must be involved. I won't be comfortable relaxing in the room while the kitchen is busy.
When you overstay in someone's house that's when all this you must do this and that comes in. Visit, do what you can and go. That way no one turns you to a slave.
Respect yourself and know when to leave and when you visit don't be a burden.
A father or mother-in-law's home is home all time for a wife under most Nigerian tradition. Good older-in-laws know better than to force the younger to serve them always or because the latter has stayed long with them.
DeleteThank you 15:45, key phrase here is good in laws. Many Nigerian in laws are horrible. Subjecting someone else's daughter to inhumane treatment. Check well now, their own daughters are ill bred.
DeleteThey will leave their own daughters to lounge and turn you into a slave. That nonsense mentality is cos they feel they are doing you a huge favor for allowing their son marry you.
Families who are exposed and enlightened treat their daughter inlaws with respect.
Hrh you're right in many ways especially your last paragraph but you see this chic? She lacks traditional values.
DeleteShe's supposed to at least get up and grab the broom with a smile and beg the mum in-law to allow her finish the sweeping,if like Mc Pinky's mum,she will refuse and finish the sweeping she started. Fine.At least she showed some respect to mummy in-law. Who groomed her sef?
So, if she's on the dining table with her husband's family and there's need for extra water for her father in-law because he's coughing,she won't dash to get a glass of water?
I know someone her marriage got shut down in 24hrs because she opened the door to her room on day 1 while her mum in-law was sweeping the corridor for her to come in and sweep out her room. Day 1 fa.🙆♀️Hellloooooo.
Poorly raised women shouldn't even try to get married in Nigeria. Remain single please.
There's an axiom in my place, it's called Uchugbakwa!
Your daughter is your flower,water it,train her so when another family is coming to pluck her they'll be happy they plucked a worthy flower.
Inukwa. Abeg abeg abeg.
🚶🏾♀️🚶🏾♀️🚶🏾♀️
Well said @ 20:42. Thank you very much
DeleteEverything depends on the personalities of the parties ie the mother and daughter in law. Some daughters in law to be prefer showing their true self from the onset with no pretences while the mother in law might be someone who doesn't even read any meaning to it. For me,I am someone who is very helpful. I love helping around wherever I am,with family or with friends,I like being useful. When I went to see hubby and his parents for the first time,I spent some days and because his mother was down with severe arthritis,I didn't mind helping with the house chores and hubby's nephews and niece who came around for the holidays. Infact fro the evening I came I started sweeping the house cos I don't like untidy places. That is just me. Not to Garner any special praises or approval,I just was me. But three years down the line,I have discovered that sometimes it is good people call u bad from day one so that when they start looking for faults you won't feel bad. When we had accommodation issues after marriage and I mistakenly moved in with them,hmmm,every little thing became an issue. They had a little cousin of my hubby's living with them but mother in law was always looking for.petty reasons to scold.me. mind u,I had a baby then who was a handful and as a first time mom,it wasn't easy. I did my bit around the house but the little errands the girl was doing became a problem,I was now to share sweeping parlour and dinning with kitchen with her,I tended to the two rooms I occupied and washed my hubby's and our clothes,cooked for the whole house,went to the market but if this girl fetches water and sweeps outside,MIL will start complaining. I sometimes sweep.it when I see I have to do it but it was never enough. I was more like a.maid just because I took some shit so peace will reign but it never did. So I wished I showed how "lazy" I was from the start maybe I would have had peace. Thing is,in Africa all these things are big deal but just be you from day one so that everybody will know their boundaries.
ReplyDelete.
Wow, see how dey degraded you. Dem don see you finish. So you were sharing cleaning duties with a little girl. Wow! As you enter and you wan show yourself as a good and virtuous woman dey kuku give you mantle. Chai
DeleteThis topic go bring vawulence oooo but e go sweet to read I swear.
ReplyDeleteBut sincerely,it's wrong for you as a man to compel your wife to be to sweep for your mum or do some certain things for her.
It's better for her to do that at her own will, provided she is well trained and cultured. Through out the years I dated, I never stressed my ladies, I hate to see them wash my clothes. I do my things myself and also clean up my house.
Even,when I take you to my mum, I won't tell you to do anything except you find it worthy based on the fact that, you are well cultured and you understand what it means to respect your MIL to be.(Don't forget, you also will grow old and what is sauce for the goods is what?).
Often time, I help my mum to sweep or wash her dirty clothes whenever I go there with my woman when we were still dating.
Now that we are married, whenever we go there, because she knows I will always want to wash my mum's clothes. Before I finish talking to mum,my woman would have done that and it will be like a shocker to me
I never did that nonsense. My sister that did all of that for her mother in-law to be, it was the same mother in-law that called her and told her that her son can not get married to her anymore .my sister cried her eyes out ,I just did her Ntooorrr
ReplyDeleteYou are bad I swear, you cannot even console her and introduce her to ur neighbor.
Delete@Mc Pinky, Lol.
Delete🤣🤣🤣
DeletePinky you no well🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeleteLike my mother in law
DeleteShe loves doing things herself. At first I thought she does not like me.
As time goes I understand better.
Sometimes she allows me to support her.
Daughter in law na God Dey help us.
Wetin I do now? Just trying to be nice na ni..why will u see ur friend crying when u have an option for such friend
DeleteNa for your sister to say thank you Ma and drop the call
DeleteSince the spineless creature she was going out with had to use his mother to do his dirty work
No public tears
Thanks giving in order as she no be lesbian marrying the mother
Before I got married , sweet took me to visit his parents and we didn't spend more than 30mins with them. From that day till this day (we are married) I have never slept, swept, cooked or washed in his parents house.
ReplyDeleteAny time i inform my mil of my visit (visit and go back same day) she will cook for me, serve me and take out the plates even when I object.
But this wasn't my case with a guy I dated before I got married. With that one, I pounded yam wey me never pound in my life, I was urshed into the kitchen to prepare stew akwu barely an hr we arrived, I was always in the kitchen with his mom helping out with the cooking, washing dishes and making sure the kitchen is neat while the younger sis I'm 3yrs older than hangs her legs up as she pressed her phone. But they weren't satisfied. Mother and daughter connived against me cos the mom didn't find me for her son and cos I'm not from same state as them.
But today, I thank God I didn't marry into that family cos when you meet the right person and the right new family , you will know God was serving you from impending doom.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
DeleteThis ur own experience bad gan oooo
😂😂😂😂😂😂
DeleteYou went to cook banga stew as a visitor.
God forbidddddddd.
I go just form stomach pain. I go even cry and act drama.
You also pounded yam?? 😂😂😂😂😂
Sis, na culinary experience be that, no be dating. God really really saved you.
Mma Nwachukwu.
Na wa! You did all these as a visitor! Thank God He gave you someone better and a great family.
DeleteAswear. In fact I went to the market with the mom to buy the things for the banga stew on an empty stomach oooo. I wasn't offered food to eat atleast before doing all that.
DeleteSingle ladies my advise to you all will be to do you, do the ones you can ooo cos guy wey go marry you and family wey go accept you will do that even when you visit his parents and hang your legs in the air.
Mehn you suffer o🤣🤣. The only cooking I did was to boil and fry chicken my MIL gifted me. MIL doesn't allow me do any chores at all. She likes to cook her food herself, I just stand and watch, she also has helps that do all the house work
DeleteDiamond, I didn't even see your comment before I typed my first.
DeleteWhen I hear treat your inlaw the way you want your mum to be treated, yadiyadayada, I'm like, treat your DIL the way you'd want your daughter to be treated.
I know a family wey the parents wanted to go confront their daughters boyfriend's mum, boyfriend oh😂 yet they rubbish and do worse to their daughter in laws except the DIL is from an affluent family, the mum in law will bully and oppress and her kids will always excuse her behaviour.
Personally, I try to be Christ like in my attitude but I'm excellent at creating clear boundaries.
Saving***
ReplyDeleteTHERE WAS A TIME!!
ReplyDeleteI don’t do eye service. And it’s rude to sweep when you have guests around. I barely clean in my own house so why would I offer to do so in yours just because I want to marry your son and prove that I’m “wife material”? Odiegwu. You better know and experience the real me. I’d Tom force myself to do things I naturally wouldn’t do just to prove a point.
ReplyDeleteSnarker ehn...If buying her beautiful and thoughtful gifts does not make happy and treat me like a guest that I am, then I AM VERY SORRY. God knows how USELESS I am when it comes to chores. I hate domestic chores except cooking. Not like I don't know how to do them but I hate them as my responsibility. If after all the positives I bring to your home is not enough and it's seeing the "sweeper" in me that is more important to you, then excuse me. Even in my parents consoled themselves with the fact that I was very good academically and let me be. My parents inlaw have a house full of domestic staff so...thank God.
DeleteThe lady should have collected the broom from the 'mil to be' because our culture as Africans demands courtesy for elderly ones.
ReplyDeleteBut personally, I would stop going to their house if the relationship is not serious or we are not engaged yet. Even if we are engaged or he has proposed, I would limit my visit.
I witnessed a case which the boyfriend didn't marry the girlfriend that was always coming to their house to do house chores but married another girlfriend that was not doing .BTW he was dating both ladies at the same time.
If you like go to their house to cook the whole ram for Eid , wash and clean everything ;it doesn't guarantee that he would marry you or not cheat.Be sensible 🤣🤣🤣
Anik
Omo. The one I know that happened live. . The babe went to visit the guy's family as per good daughter in law n there was a party at their house. Keep In mind the guy had not even really been picking her calls like that. Sha sha. They used her 2 do caterer for there. Come and turn eba. Come n pound yam. Serve baba kinikan mineral. That's how one of the heaven sent family members called her n was like "see u better give urself sense o. Ur here sweating out ur makeup for ur guy's family. Meanwhile ur guy is in the hospital welcoming a newborn with another woman " poor babe just quietly snuck out the back door and went home without a word.
DeleteIf a woman do chores to cover up a lack of what a man strongly desire in his wife, it is waste of time. And especially so if the man is double dating. But If a woman do chores after meeting other desires of her proposed husband, she has an edge.
DeleteExactly, I would do the same. Offer to sweep the living room only and find my square root is before they find more work for me. I won’t go to their house after that.
DeleteTrying to kill yourself to impress local fickle "idols"
DeleteRubbish
My mother-in-law visited and took the broom to start sweeping, I stood up and stretched my hand to collect the broom from her, but she refused and said I can do other things while she was doing this. I had to let her. She is a very good mum to me as I am a good daughter to her. Yes, I can do chores for her.
ReplyDeleteThe lady in this story should have offered to help whether she's her mum or mum-in-law-to-be. As Africans, we are taught to respect elderly people which is not wrong, if it was her mum in this position, I believe she would have offered to do the chore.
Nnem you are a well trained.
DeletePeriod!!
DeleteOhooo. I stated somewhat up there before seeing your comment.
DeleteI'm not surprised at your input, always knew you were raised right. Keep it up.
👍
Me,can't remember sweeping anywhere because technically I can't bend to do some domestic chores but you see my mummy in-law? Anytime I'm close home I become her personal driver,just mention where you're headed ma'am and I throw a boubou over my jeggings and hit the freeway.
That's even our amebo time because we're lone rangers like that in a short time. Hahahahaha.
Ndi asili in Papito's voice. 😂
... When I was dating my husband, I only visited his family once and offered to wash the plate I ate with but my mother-in-law refused when I took it to the kitchen. I believe you can at least attempt to help and not act like it's not your business.
ReplyDeleteThank you my dear,the lady was simply foolish, she even raised her legs up for the woman to sleep.
Delete*to sweep
DeleteSo she visited the house early in the morning or what? Why was it when the girl came sweeping start? Anyway me I cannot do eye service. When I visited my mother in law I did not lift one plate till I left. Food was already cooked when we came and we left next day? I no wake up go carry any broom after all children wey I senior dey that house. I never even cooked one single food for hubby till we married. We are 17 years going and I do all house chores and cook danm good....the only thing I do not do for my husband no apologies, is to wash clothes. Person wey be 6 footer plus? When our washing machine got spoilt na so clothes pile up for a week till we repaired it....the nanny washed the kids clothes...if you dey test me then you dey waste your time because I knew girls wey do house girl/girlfriend duties wey still chop breakfast...one of my friends was lucky the Yoruba guy she was dating, the guys mother advised her to get pregnant and she did. That was how the guy married her and they are together till date...she cook amala and ewedu for that boy taya. Lol...
ReplyDeleteI'm a firm believer in someone presenting himself or herself how exactly you are. People should be given the choice of whether they want you or not.
ReplyDeleteWhile dating my now hubby, he was living in the back flat of his parents house and I always visited. The mum expected me to always come to the front flat to cook,clean etc which I never did because firstly,it's not what I would continue to do, secondly his 3younger siblings who were undergraduates were always around and I wasn't a paid maid and thirdly, my now hubby and his two older siblings could comfortably afford a housekeeper for their parents which they didn't do.
On one of my visits,the mum packed a heap of clothes very close to the pedestrian gate and was washing so on my way out, I had to ask nicely that she shift the bowl to enable me pass which she did. The three younger ones were on the balcony watching what would happen.
I actually find it disrespectful when prospective inlaws do stuff to bait/ test a prospective wife because you are actually to beg for this woman's hand in marriage not that you are getting a dignified maid.
The training you didn't give your own children you want to give another person's child.
What makes you think you know the needs of your child just because you raised him?
Of course they raised hell and said the wedding wouldn't hold because I insisted my fiancé must get an apartment even if it's not really furnished because I didn't want him to strip the back flat bare which was what we did and the mum swore that he wouldn't marry me, not for any other thing but that I wasn't coming to help her cook, wash etc so that she would know my suitability for her son as a wife.
I actually found all these insulting and I left her son two weeks to the wedding. My colleagues asked to follow me to beg her to allow her son marry me but I said no because it's an abomination where I come from to beg a man's family to permit their son marry you, rather they should be the one to do the begging.
It took their son getting angry with them and threatening to go ahead with the wedding and cut them off for life before they gave their consent. Sadly,we never really got along till she died 3yrs ago because even though she apologized after the wedding,I never could bring myself to trust her again not only because of these but because she was always looking for ways to nail me in one misdeed or the other. An example is when I had a still birth and a male colleague came to visit me, this woman left the living room under the pretext of going to sleep, opened her bedroom door, shut it and crept back to one corner to be listening in on our conversation. I saw the hand of her buba from where I sat but pretended I didn't.
It hurts so much to see how husbands family treat the wives in Nigeria and it's saddening...so much disrespect,distrust, disdain, jealousy etc
Pls mothers of this generation let's do better. We don't need to keep repeating the cycle. Wives aren't maids/slaves abeg.
.
15:48, this is what I have been saying on this topic. Mils that enslave their Dils, have ill bred daughters whom they wouldn't allow other Mils mistreat. Plus they enslave cos they think their son is some trophy. LOL.
Delete🤣🤣🤣 which kain peeping Tom MIL be that? Meanwhile, you write so well. Write us something one of these days.
DeleteAwww! I love your story. I love the fact that you didn't succumb to their bullying, and you stood your ground and knows your worth.
DeleteYour last paragraph is apt
DeleteMy own mother in law from irruah was a very wicked woman whereas he was always smiling and pretending to be nice. A catholic who was always saying hail Mary had no respect for me. She once asked if I would be doing equal task with the 16yr old maid she brought to love with her son n I. I treated her even better than my mum but she couldn't be pleased. Her son was always sleeping around n u dear not talk. She would come to the house n be in charge of dishing out food even after I had finished cooking myself. She would ask in hubby's presence why I don't buy shoes n clothes for him.The daughter too was not it. She was so disrespectful. I was treated like one whom they felt had no choice. When I discovered it was all already affecting me psychologically,I had to leave. Called hubby I couldn't cope. I even prayed for him to get a good lady. Those who blame single mothers should not pray to experience what we experienced. Sure she will get her reward.
ReplyDelete😂the Hail Mary part make me laugh
DeleteMy own be say why mama choose that time to begin sweep if no be trouble she dey find? More so her son no dey collect broom from him mama sweep? Afterall that na him mother so wetin go make pikin see him mama dey sweep no collect the broom? Me seeing such go inform my decision about the man sef.
ReplyDelete🙄🙄🙄
DeleteYou are correct 16:01. In-laws are not jamb officers. Sweeping in the afternoon is even a taboo.
DeleteIt's very rude for them to expect a visitor to do house chores. Because that's what the girl is, a visitor.
ReplyDeleteIn fact, I bet the guy would have still broken up with her even if she took the broom. He was just looking for an excuse to end the relationship.
I really don't know how an elderly person will be swerping and I will not offer to help when it is not like I am busy doing something or sick.
ReplyDeleteAbeg them no train me like that.
I really don't know how an elderly person will wait for a visitor to come and start 'swerping'. Oh the MIL did not realise the house was dirty all along?Stupidity.
DeleteEnough with this stupid idiotic tests. Or It was when the the son's fiancee came that she realized her house was dirty and reached for a broom? To prove what exactly? Mtsheew. Save those kind of tests for desperados who want to do acrobatics to show you wife material. Thankfully there are a few women who ar not like that. and I will not offer to help when it is not like I am busy doing something or sick.
Abeg them no train me to not have sense.
Reply
I haven't done any of those in mum in-laws house or father in-law. Hubby is from a broken home. When I visit, I stay for only few hours and leave. We don't spend the night. Hubby has siblings in both home so I can't be doing over Sabi house wife. But that doesn't mean if I see something that I can help I wouldn't o. Before I got married, My own brothers wives comes home and I don't expect them to work. I make sure I wash my parents cloths, clean the house , cook etc. I expect them to serve their man , clean his room n wash his cloths.
ReplyDeleteHand dey pain the man or drycleaners don run from Nigeria?
DeleteWhat entitled laziness are we creating and sustaining in a physically stronger gender?
Rubbish
Not a good way to start if you cannot
If already doing so kindly continue
Pound yam that a muscles man will eat by you a frailer woman?
DeleteAbeg teach your sons to not treat women as objects or slaves
DeleteWhy was the mother sweeping when they had a visitor? It doesn't tell well of them. I am sure the girl doesn't want to start was she cannot finish. To me, that is the woman's way of telling her she is not wanted.
ReplyDeleteI raise my leg for my mother inlaw when she is sweeping. It doesn't .e I don't respect her. We are very cool with each other.
Let's start understanding that different strokes for different folks ...... it might work well for some wives while the inlaws reimburse with positive reinforcement and vibes to appreciate her and the relationship keeps going on .... MY QUESTION NOW IS A MAN OR HUSBAND MANDATED TO MEET ALL THE DEMANDS OF HIS WOMAN AND SIBLINGS AS A SIGN OF LOVE .
ReplyDeleteYes. In very close knit families, the prospective male In-laws are vetted by all members of the family. Every move is scrutinized. Some men are even tested too.
DeleteI don't believe in doing eye service because I'm dating anybody. But when you get to a place, and you see people, an older woman for that matter doing chores, I think it's very normal to offer to assist. You don't even have to be dating first.
ReplyDeleteIf I'm visiting my ordinary friend, and the mum is sweeping, I'm collecting the broom o. My mother will not be sweeping and I'll be raising my feet for her. Dem go use that broom wipe my leg and destiny. Or I can even yab my friend "hah see mumsy dey sweep and you sidon!"... Come be my mum inlaw. I'll even be uncomfortable. I will collect the broom 2secs. Las las after that day, I'll reduce my visit.
It is good for a woman not to pretend about being good natured, or chore capable, or ready to do any chore for in-laws before marriage.
ReplyDeleteSome father/mother-in-laws have very low expectations of prospective sons/daughter-in-laws. So they would rather not entangle with them at all. Some mother-in-laws today did not do chores for their in-laws before and after their marriage so they do not expect or accept it too.
However, it is generally a Nigerian custom for younger people to help the elderly or very older persons known to them. I am told that in predominantly black communities in the USA, such conduct is still valued. From what I have read, rural Europeans value such attribute too.
Depending on the level of the marriage focused relationship between a man and a woman, the woman is expected to and should offer to do some chores during a stay or long visit with the man's family. This may be unnecessary in the more affluent homes where there is a retinue of paid helps.
The tradition of expected support in doing chores is not limited to women. It is not uncommon for men staying or visiting with in-laws for days, or living in the same community as their in-laws or prospective in-laws to assist when more men hands are needed. Some men support with cash to hire help in such cases.
The additional equivalent for house chores for husbands is provision (where needed), care, and concern for in-laws.
My wife is hands-on around my family during visits and family celebrations without any demands on her. She is already a daughter in my mother's household. Every time my younger sisters have the opportunity, they load her with gifts.
The fact that a woman does not get married into a family after being genuinely homely and good natured in relating with them is that family's loss.
Being good never goes out of fashion worldwide.
Stella my best friend told me of a similar situation she visited her boyfriends mum out of town and raised her leg (not because of sweeping just relaxing on the chair) - first strike. Second strike was when she was served tea and her mum packed away the dishes alone. The woman kept quiet but complained to the other siblings!
ReplyDeleteWhen they broke up the woman said she was so happy that the girl is disrespectful.
My own is that don’t test guests. Some people are very shy and uncomfortable “taking over” in foreign places.
As Africans and personally I’ve been raised with home training and told to take over from elders but thank God I had some exposure and I’m now emotionally intelligent I read the room. Some people have help so shy raise yourself to be the help? Others like me want their guests relaxed so honestly when I say it’s okay it’s okay and if I ask for help I say thank you (why am I hosting if I can’t manage the duties in my home? If the crowd is too big downsize / ask for help Biko), some are traditional so I do my own with them and move to do my own at home.
Either way this topic has caused so much pretense and harm among people . Some girls are good but will you judge them based off a single day, some are bad but pretenders. Either way will you be in their home all day? Leave it for who has to live with them Biko handle your affairs let others love how they can we Africans need to learn to mind our biz
African parents and testing women , always testing women for their badly raised sons and useless husbands in future who would cheat and do all sorts of nonsense on you !
ReplyDeleteBecause why are you sweeping when a visitor is around? Are you that mannerless?
It’s never let go for a vacation or brunch or dinner , always testing women with domestic chores like their sons are any better .
No wonder my sister in law is so grateful for the kind of family she landed in because what test ? As my mother says she’s trained her son to know right from wrong , he’s taught him kindness, respect, integrity etc. if he brings a woman home as an adult, she wants to believe he’s done his homework and knows he can live with this person, who’s she to say otherwise when she’s not the one going to live with them?
My sister in law wasn’t even allowed to go to the kitchen when my brother was dating her because she’s a visitor, a guest and must be treated as such !
Africans heralded by women love to perpetuate suffering on other women too much , haba
Men are tested in diverse ways too.
DeleteBadly raised and promiscuous creatures most times feel entitled to the best women
DeleteMay they always get pretenders and life time matron eye service union
None of my comments gets posted
ReplyDeleteWell not this one
DeleteMaybe this was the only one that made sense.
DeleteFor me, raising leg for an elderly person to sweep underneath is a sign of rudeness or lack of home-training. My Principal in secondary school used that analogy during moral instructions especially each time we were going on holidays. It was a boarding school. I have taught my kids not to do that. Even if you can't collect the broom from the elderly person,It's better to excuse yourself for a while than to raise your legs.
ReplyDeleteNo go dey do eye service cos you want answer wife material but show respect atleast make you offer to help since mama senior you
ReplyDeleteabi if na your mother you go lift leg for her to sweep????
We were taught to be respectful while growing up so I wouldn't allow an elderly person like my parents or parents inlaw to be to sweep while I am doing nothing. Then it so wrong to be sweeping while you have a visitor when you're doing that in my place it means that you want the visitor to leave.
ReplyDeleteAgain I don't support mother in laws, to be testing their would be daughter inlaws.
I don tire jare
What if she was testing the mother in law to be ?
DeleteHumans giving what they cannot take
I will tell the mother well done and ask her son to take the broom from his mom since I don't sweep. Stay away from those who are still sweeping by themselves in 2022. That's a red flag of you weren't raised that way.
ReplyDeleteMy MIL tried making me do work and it was my hubby her own son That warned her never to try it. He asked if he married a slave for her. I never did all those things I beg. I always treated her respectfully but that was it. In the beginning I tried all that treat her like ur own mother but I soon realized she never treated me like her daughter so I stopped. We treat each other with respect when we see and that’s all.
ReplyDeleteMutual respect and necessary distance
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