Doctor Freaks Journal - ''If You No Wise For Lagos You No Fit Wise Again"

I first came in contact with the above-quoted aphorism that was originally rendered in Pidgin English some years ago, but now I cannot remember whether it was on radio or in a movie.










When men were boys, they behaved like boys. Partied occasionally and shared one or two bottles of alcohol. Recently, I remembered an incident that took place in the days of yore. 

It was a Friday and how we looked forward to Fridays. Tell me you don't love Fridays. If you live or if you've lived in a city like Lagos, you should appreciate Fridays, that is if you're not working on Saturdays and or Sundays and assuming you're working on those other days you could/can at least pretend as if you are/were not and still bask in the euphoria of TGIF. 

By popular demand, boys chose to hang out at a popular night club around Admiralty Road, Lekki Phase 1. The practice was such that you pay a fixed rate at the gate which entitles you to certain drinks but you go could go above the ceiling if you so wished. We were about 6 in number and we strode into the club, cast our eyes around approvingly and took charge thereafter.


The music was appealing and the sights alluring. Remember we were all guys (bone-to-bone). There were girls who were ready to mingle so we danced, drank and chatted. This club happens to be an early club so we later decided to relocate to a much livelier club but some of the girls volunteered to further "roll" with our crew. XYZ had danced with one of the girls earlier and they were downstairs inside XYZ's car now. 

Trouble later ensued between the duo. XYZ informed us that the fracas started after informing the girl in question that he would not be requiring her services/company for the night because they were not able to agree on a rate.

 The now-desperate girl quietly removed the car key from the ignition and put up a display. The story had changed under few minutes. She was honest to an extent though. Her own side of the story was that XYZ "rocked" and touched her body on the dance floor and promised to take her home for the night and thus chased all her potential customers away only for him to renege on his promise. 

Omo! See drama.

 We- that is, association of friends intervened and attempted to save the day but hey, we are not "Superman!" We wanted to apply force initially but we realised in good time that that wasn't going to work so we mellowed down and elected to negotiate. She named her price which was on the high side, or so we considered it to be (50k). Lest I forget, let me now share the juicy part with you. The girl in question confided in us that she had 2 rented apartments in Oniru, Victoria Island. Where she stayed was a two-bedroom apartment where she was paying 2.5million Naira and another one where she paid less and rented out to "oloshos" and she received her rent on a daily basis.

She was also doing certain contributions (esusu/ajo) and she contributed about 200k on a weekly basis and she had to pay up on the following Saturday morning hence the serious hustling on that Friday night.


After much persuasion, she accepted 30k and they both shook hands. You know what? She was not just a full time hustler, she had a 9-to-5 job too. She was a secretary in a blue chip company.


When next you are clubbing, if you know that you're not getting a "hook-up" babe for the night please avoid some of these responsible-looking and innocent-looking ones oh. Having a good job or working in a corporate setting is not enough oh.